Have you been told that you have problems trusting others in relationships? Do you know you’re difficult to please? Do you set unrealistic expectations in your relationships? Or do you avoid intimacy because you’re scared of being hurt?
If you can relate to some of these questions, then you may have challenges trusting yourself and others.
What are your trust challenges?
Although you may desperately want love and to be loved, trust issues will make you unwilling to emotionally attach to someone because you don’t want to get hurt.
Trust issues come from past hurts that occurred in previous romantic relationships or from unhealthy family relationships during childhood. Or both.
For example, you may have developed trust issues if:
- Your parents got divorced
- One or both of your parents were alcoholic
- If you were adopted
- If you lost a sibling or parent
- You had a history of abuse in your childhood
- Your parents were emotionally unavailable
- You felt neglected during your childhood
- Your previous partners cheated on you
- You cheated on previous partners
- You have a history of low self-esteem
- You are afraid of being abandoned
Many people with trust issues know they have trouble in their relationships, but don’t realize it comes from a trust problem.
Five signs you may have serious trust issues in your relationship
1) Afraid of Commitment
Perhaps, you have challenges being vulnerable and sharing because you don’t want to get hurt again. This means your relationship is based on light issues rather than on true feelings or real emotions.
If you have trust issues, then you are more likely to be afraid to commit emotionally, for fear of getting hurt if the relationship ends.
2) Fast, Intense Relationships That Suddenly End
You may become involved in romantic relationships quickly, but they are intense and short-lived.
You may be excited or even addicted to the newness of the relationship, but once things get familiar, your romance ends.
3) You Assume the Worst
No matter what happens, you assume the worst about your partner. If they haven’t answered their phone it’s because they’re cheating. If they’re not with you, then they must be betraying you.
Your first thought is to think you are being cheated on. You don’t consider that your partner may just be busy or catching up with family.
4) Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
If you have trust issues, then you may be expecting perfection in your partner. You hold your partner to an impossibly high standard and won’t tolerate any imperfections.
Unfortunately, expecting perfection in someone else typically leads to sabotaging true romance from growing.
5) You Need to Be in Control
You may be challenged to allow others to be in the lead.
The reason is that you don’t want to be disappointed, so you want to stay in control… always.
What to do about lack of trust in your relationship
If you recognize any of the signs above, then know that you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with fears of being hurt.
The good news… you can change and break the cycle of your trust issues, so you can be safe in a relationship and not feel engulfed.
The first step is recognizing the importance of trust in a relationship, and that you have issues with trust. As certified relationship advocates at PIVOT, we encourage our clients to not be hard on themselves. You are not “broken” or flawed.
Instead, make the decision to improve your life by learning and evolving. To do this, you need to be open to change.
One of the best ways to empower positive change is to get support and expertise from trained individuals that specialize in relationships and attachment challenges.
Remember, you are worthy of happiness and love, and you do matter.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome challenges trusting yourself and others, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.
By: Lori Jean Glass