How to Say “No” In Your Relationship

If we’re being completely honest, we rarely like hearing the word “no” ourselves, especially from our partner – the one person in the world who’s there to have our back and support us. However, that’s not exactly the right way of looking at relationship “nos”, is it?

And that’s the main problem with a “no”. The perception of it, which is why, in addition to not liking the sound of it, we don’t like to say it either. It’s as if the mere action of refusing your partner meant that you’re letting them down or looking at how to get out of a relationship.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be. There’s no betrayal, lack of love, affection, or empathy in saying “no” to your partner every once in a while. After all, not every idea is a good idea. It’s worth exploring the power of “no” and how you can learn to implement it. 

What Does It Mean To Say “No” In A Relationship?

Some people lack the ability and the desire to say “no” in a relationship because they feel that less disagreement equals no conflict. Others fear that refusing their partner’s ideas will only lead to long-term deepening dissatisfaction, ultimately grinding their relationship to a premature and hurtful ending. 

There are even more reasons but the result remains the same. You, or your partner, or both of you refrain yourselves from saying “no”, causing more harm than good over time. That’s why it’s important to clarify exactly what it means to say “no” to your partner and everybody else, and potentially remove the stigma associated with such a simple word.

Saying “no” means you’re simply valuing your, and not just somebody else’s wishes. It means that you’re trying to validate your own desires and feelings. It means you believe you can be completely honest with your partner. It means deepening your relationship and allowing yourself to be your true self. 

Why Do I Need To Learn To Say “No”?

Why Do I Need To Learn To Say “No”?

Refusing is not shooting down your partner and warding off their happiness. It’s being true to yourself and feeling enough confidence in them and your relationship that you feel comfortable not saying “yes” to everything. This is how you start paving the way for beneficial experiences in your life, such as: 

  • Better valuing your time and the time you spend with your partner
  • Knowing what you want out of your relationship
  • Saying “no” to one thing means saying “yes” to something else
  • Enhancing the honesty in your relationship and toward your partner
  • Giving others and your partner a chance to say “yes” to you

When Can I Say “No” In My Relationship?

There are no strict rules about when it’s OK and when it’s not to say “no” to your partner. Saying no is simply expressing how you feel about something. Some of us may enjoy saying “yes” to something because we want to please the other person.  That is ok unless you are going against your own true feelings.  Since it’s about your own personal feelings, don’t refrain from telling your partner “no” if: 

  • You simply don’t feel that into it
  • You’re not ready for something
  • You’re scared of it
  • You’re too busy with more important obligations
  • You’re being made to feel guilty or ashamed for refusing
  • You have a bad feeling about the proposition

However, this is all when you’re considering “normal” circumstances and offers. There are also some situations where you can say “no” and potentially look into alternative resolution to your problems, including: 

  • Abuse
  • Addiction
  • Jealousy
  • Over-possessiveness
  • Controlling behavior
  • Lying
  • Cheating

How Can I Learn To Say “No” To My Partner?

Saying “no” to your partner is tricky because you might be feeling that it will indicate a lack of affection even though it’s not there. However, learning how to say “no” is good and will only end up being beneficial to the both of you. 

Here’s what you can do to learn to politely incorporate a “no” into your relationship without coming off as you wouldn’t want to: 

  • Be clear about your feelings on something, but remember to also be respectful and mindful of your partner’s feelings. 
  • Show your gratitude for their desire to propose an activity for the two of you. 
  • Be honest about the reason you’re unwilling to follow through on their proposition. 
  • Offer your partner an alternative you would enjoy and allow them to say “yes” to your offer. 
  • Understand that you’re not doing anything wrong by sometimes refusing your partner’s offers. 

PIVOT Organizes Healthy Relationship Activities That Will Help You & Your Partner Learn The Value Of “No”

PIVOT Organizes Healthy Relationship Activities That Will Help You & Your Partner Learn The Value Of “No”

Saying “yes” to your partner’s ideas is good. It can make you more adventurous, open to new experiences, broaden your horizons, and take you to places you didn’t think you’d go to. However, saying “no” is just as important, but it seems not as frequently discussed, which is a shame, because it can also bring benefits into your life. 

Learning to say “no” when in a relationship is important for your own personal growth and can even help improve your confidence and satisfaction. It’s also one of the key communication components of healthy relationships. However, many people struggle with declining their partner’s wishes, and they need help to do so. Which is why PIVOT is here to help you if you or your partner are struggling with it. Our expert relationship advocates organize healthy relationship activities at our couples retreat will show you there’s no harm in refusing, and our individual activities will help you say “no” to your partner at certain times. Give us a call today!

Confidence & Relationships: Why Is It Important?

Confidence is important for both your personal growth and your relationship. When the exciting initial period of your relationship starts to fade, and you begin to come together in a more realistic manner, it’s easy to lose your confidence. 

However, the things that can affect you or your partner’s confidence can be relatively small in comparison, such as not texting good night as you did in the beginning or failing to show the seemingly identical level of affection. 

This can cause you to lose confidence in your relationship and yourself. It’s not uncommon for couples to seek  relationship coaching to start off in a positive light. And it’s great to work on your challenges before they create unnecessary drama. That’s why it’s worth learning more about the ways to boost your confidence. 

What Is Confidence In A Relationship?

Confidence is, first and foremost, your belief in your own self. This primarily refers to your own perception of your ability to meet the various challenges of your daily life and successfully overcome them. It also represents the feeling of your own self-worth and how much you truly believe you’re worthy of the good things in life.

In a relationship, confidence can take many forms, from your ability to freely express your emotions to your capability to receive feelings coming from your partner. However, it’s also about overcoming relationship obstacles on your own, as well as together with your partner, and not allowing certain setbacks and old patterns of past relationships to affect your mindset and belief in yourself and your partner. 

It’s also important to note that confidence is not a fixed or innate characteristic of one’s personality. It is changeable, acquirable, and improvable. Some people have more of it, some have less. Either way, there’s no reason to feel bad if you lack confidence. You can work and improve it, seizing many different benefits to your life and your relationship. 

Finally, know that confidence fluctuates, both in people with perceivably high confidence and in people with perceivably low confidence. 

Why Is Confidence Important In A Relationship?

Confidence will, primarily, make you feel better and happier about yourself, which can have a positive effect on your relations with your partner. However, that’s only an umbrella for many other benefits that stem from your self-confidence. 

Confidence inspires and invites happiness that, in turn, positively affects many different facets of your life, both as an individual and as a partner. In fact, the more positive experiences you have on your own, the more you will have to translate into your relationship. 

From there, it’s a matter of implementing and applying your newfound view of life and of yourself onto your relationship with your partner and your relationships in general. 

Important Benefits Of Self-Confidence in Relationship with Others

Higher self-confidence can positively affect you and your relationships in multiple ways: 

  • Better self-worth and belief in yourself and your abilities, makes you know your worth and allows you to believe your relationship can be successful. 
  • Less fear, which means that you will become better at adapting and learning within your relationship, as well as taking it to whole new levels. 
  • Less social anxiety which allows you to better communicate with other people, including your significant other. 
  • Higher motivation to do the many things life has to offer, which also allows you to improve your relationship by having new experiences with your partner. 
  • Reducing negative thoughts and embracing a more positive outlook on life and on your romantic involvement. 

How Do I Build Confidence While In A Relationship?

Now that you’re aware of just how important confidence can be for you as an individual and you as a partner, it’s time to explore the many different ways to boost your individual and your relationship confidence. 

How Do I Build Confidence While In A Relationship?
  • Stay in the present and clear your mind of all past imperfections and future intentions.
  • Be realistic in identifying room for improvement and how you would like to change things.
  • Have fun doing enjoyable activities with your partner and also set some time aside to do you. 
  • Start seeing your partner as your friend you can confide in, not just a love interest. 
  • Try to be as honest as possible about who you are now and who you want to be. 
  • Become a fan of yourself through positive reinforcement – stop pondering on seemingly the negative. 
  • Express all your feelings freely and keep presenting yourself to the world and your partner.
  • Work on yourself as frequently as you can.
  • Communicate with the people in your life openly and honestly. 
  • Embrace your insecurities and turn them around. 
  • Allow yourself to have your own interest outside of your relationship. 
  • Address any potential issues head on. 
  • Be careful not to cross the line into arrogance. 
  • Find support and guidance from professionals who can help you embrace the change.

PIVOT’s Retreat for Relationship Coaching & Our Online Relationship Coach Program Can Help You

There’s really no understating how vital confidence can be for your relationship. It’s one of the important areas of personal growth that will help you become a more satisfied individual and a better partner. What’s more, it’ll allow you to both improve your communication with your partner and allow you to say “no” in your relationship, which can be difficult. 

Hence – confidence. People keep stressing the importance of self-confidence in your single life, and rarely anybody talks just how essential it is in a relationship as well. Feeling good about yourself is almost a prerequisite to feel good about your relationship and your partner. And that’s what makes confidence really, really important.That is why PIVOT is here for you. We have a team of knowledgeable and empathetic relationship advocates who organize couples retreats for boosting confidence in your relationship, as well as individual confidence-inspiring activities to help you feel better about yourself. Contact us today!

How Personal Growth Benefits Relationships

Personal growth can be rewarding and challenging.   When you are in a relationship, it is easy to dedicate yourself to your significant other, sometimes neglecting yourself in the process.

However, focusing solely on your relationship can end up doing more harm than good. Why? Not allocating time for your own development for the sake of personal growth and your relationship can be detrimental, especially over time, leading to a need for online relationship coaching.

When you lose focus on yourself, you begin losing your own identity and become increasingly dissatisfied primarily with yourself, and consequently with your partner. Then conflict arises and the feeling of being disconnected from yourself and from your partner can leave you feeling neglected and alone.

What Is Personal Growth?

What Is Personal Growth?

Personal growth is a process of improving yourself. However, the basic concept of personal growth is not only about development and improvement. It’s also a transformation. The transformation we are referring to is primarily transforming your potentially detrimental habits into opportunities for positive change. You remain you, only a healthier version of yourself. You can become more grounded in who you are, not who others think you are supposed to be. 

Why Is Personal Growth Important In A Relationship?

In your relationship, personal growth is key to your satisfaction with yourself. Relationships are, essentially, mental imprints of both partners’ psyches and all that comes with that. This means that individual dissatisfaction can easily lead to relationship dissatisfaction which, in turn, can cause more serious problems. 

On the other hand, both you and your partner can achieve personal growth together by participating in different activities and sharing various experiences. This way, you achieve both separate personal goals as well as growing alongside each other, strengthening your relationship.

What Are The Key Areas Of Personal Growth?

Personal growth is a term that unifies five key areas of individual development. In a relationship, this is applicable to both you and your partners’ own personal growth. It also applies to the improvements you can make together, as a couple. 

5 Areas Of Personal Growth

Why Is Personal Growth Important In A Relationship?

The five areas of growth identified in PIVOT (the Whole Perspective) are:

  • Intellectual: This refers to the development of the mind. It also relates to different cognitive functions that can affect your behavior, especially toward your partner. 
  • Financial:  This is how you respect your relationship with money.  Are you able to care for yourself, pay your bills, or perhaps be comfortable if you are not the one making money?  Money is a part of life regardless of how much or little you have.  And, it is one of the top reasons why people are stressed.
  • Spiritual: Spiritual development mostly refers to finding your own inner peace, as well as peace with your partner within your relationship. This can be done in many different ways.
  • Emotional: This is an essential improvement area for self-esteem, romantic relationships, and interactions with other people. It focuses on learning how to develop and express your feelings, while also managing them. This also has to do with communication skills and appropriately feeling, managing, and tolerating feelings. 
  • Physical: Finally, physical growth refers to taking care of the body and using it in various productive ways. Including movement, sex and touch.

How Do I Improve Personal Growth In My Relationship?

Kickstarting your personal growth is based on three main aspects of initiating change. They will help you identify the areas of improvement, and then provide you with a mental frame of how you can achieve the desired outcomes. 

The three pillars of change include: 

  • The identification of your current state and why you want to change it.
  • The identification of your desired state and why you want to achieve it.
  • The methods for achieving your desired state. 

Upon accurately determining the reasons and clearly defining the areas you’d like to grow in, it’s time to apply certain strategies that will help you achieve that state. 

How To Achieve Personal Growth

Here are some useful techniques that can help you achieve your personal development goals across one or several of the five key improvement areas, both alone and with your partner:

What Are The Key Areas Of Personal Growth?
  • Read regularly, both fiction and nonfiction.
  • Try learning a new language and expand your horizons.
  • Pick up one new hobby that you’ve wanted to for a long time.
  • Make your personal space at home and work warmer and more comfortable.
  • Identify one of your fears and try to overcome it.
  • Start waking up a bit earlier and doing something with that time.
  • Adopt an exercise routine and get your body healthier.
  • Compose a letter to your future self.
  • Ask others for specific, kind, and helpful feedback, including your partner.
  • Acknowledge what you may perceive as any flaws you might have, embrace them, and see whether you would like to change them.
  • Get rid of one single unhelpful habit and replace it with a new, healthy one.
  • Start a challenge that can last a week, two, a month, or even longer.
  • Take a break and don’t work yourself to the bone and be overly hard on yourself.
  • Consider reaching out to a coach who can help you work on your personal and relationship growth.

Try PIVOT’s Online Relationship Coaching & Retreat For Couples

Personal growth is not just important before you start a relationship. It’s an essential part of all healthy relationships. It will help you gain more confidence within your relationships, and it will also nudge you over the edge of learning the importance of saying “no” to your partner. Finally, it can also help you freely communicate about sex with your significant other

Personal growth doesn’t stop when you enter a relationship – it continues. And all the relationship perks that come with it are only one portion of what makes it beneficial. It’ll also help increase your own personal satisfaction and allow you to reach greater heights both as an individual and a partner. And PIVOT is here to help you start your journey of self-improvement. Our experienced and knowledgeable relationship advocates will help you learn to grow through our individual workshop activities and we can even help you grow within your relationship at our couples retreat for reconnection. Reach out to us today!

Communicating About Sex In A Relationship

Sex is one of the most intimate, life-affirming acts that people can share. It has the power to strengthen your bond with your partner and help you grow your relationship. Although many people subscribe to the romanticized notion that partners have to get each other instantly if they’re a good match, this isn’t how things normally go. To have truly enjoyable sex, it’s usually necessary to talk about it outside the bedroom. 

Making yourself vulnerable by talking about such intimate topics can be intensely uncomfortable, especially with a new partner. However, you’ll be much more fulfilled if you open up to your partner. So, learn how you can communicate about intimacy in a way that’s comfortable and effective for both. If you worry that your partner may be avoiding intimacy in a relationship, you can also seek the support of our experienced relationship advocates.

Is Talking About Sex Good For A Relationship?

Yes, your relationship can benefit from talking about sex openly and honestly. This is the only way to let your partner know how you truly feel, establish trust, and have more pleasurable sex

There are multiple ways in which it can help:

  • Couples who can talk about sex usually have more success opening up about other topics too. 
  • It can help you get to know your partner better as a person.
  • It lets you know how to give them more pleasure.
  • It lets you receive more pleasure from them. 
  • It increases the possibility of trying new things together.
  • It can bring you closer as a couple.

Why Is It Hard to Talk About Sex With Your Partner?

Introducing the topic of sex takes some courage at the start. Since it can have overarching positive effects on your relationship, it’s a good idea to power through the uncomfortableness and do it. 

It’s perfectly understandable to feel a bit uneasy about it at the beginning of a relationship. You want to project a certain image of yourself and being this vulnerable can be a little scary. However, if your partner is receptive to it, you’ll see that it doesn’t have to feel awkward at all. 

You may also be afraid to have your intimate feelings ridiculed or rebuffed. The fear of rejection is perfectly normal and it’s why some people find themselves in parasocial relationships. Every caring partner will respond to your desire to share with compassion and understanding.

How Do I Get Comfortable Talking About Sex With My Partner?

Getting started is probably the trickiest part. Once you get past your initial hangups, it’ll probably all be smooth sailing. How do you introduce the topic in the first place without being overwhelmed with embarrassment? 

Here are some things to try:

  • Don’t wait too long: The sooner you normalize sex as a topic of conversation, the easier it will be to discuss it in the future. Your goal is to be better understood and to understand your partner better. So, focus on the prize instead of letting fear hold you back. 
  • If you’ve been waiting for a while, cut to the chase: If years go by without touching on the topic of sex, it may be much harder to open up. However, not all is lost. It’s not too late to start the conversation.
  • Find the right moment: While people may think that it would be a good idea to talk about sex right after you’ve had it, you and your partner may feel too vulnerable. It may be better to start the conversation at a different time. However, it can be very effective to share your fantasies in the heat of the moment, when you’re both in the mood.
  • Be mindful of their feelings: If you’re disappointed with your partner’s performance in bed, you may be tempted to be completely blunt and start off with criticism. Or, even worse, you may compare them to an ex who you feel was more sexually compatible. However, if you approach the topic in a caring, sensitive way, you’re more likely to get better results.
  • Have the end goal in mind: You need to approach the issue as a team and keep your eyes on the prize, which is a more fulfilling sex life for the both of you. Let this motivate you and override your fear.

How Do I Talk to My Partner About Being Unhappy With Sex?

Nobody likes hearing that their partner is unhappy about some aspect of their lovemaking. However, there are ways to suggest improvements without being overly harsh. 

Here are a few ideas:

  • Do it from a place of love and understanding: Make it clear that your only intention is to enhance your relationship and establish an even deeper connection with them. Try not to make them feel like they’re being put on the spot or accused.
  • Keep the conversation positive: Don’t forget to give praise where praise is due. Put as much focus on the things they do right as you do on the areas that need improvement. Sometimes, the best way to push them in the right direction is simply to talk about the things that you really liked.
  • Share your fantasies: Many people are ashamed of their fantasies that are a perfectly healthy and normal part of human sexuality. While you may think that your fantasies are outlandish and embarrassing, the chances are that many others, your partner included, have similar ones.
  • Be clear and specific: Beating about the bush or talking in code will only confuse your partner further. Be completely honest and direct.
  • Hear them out too: Sometimes, people get so caught up in what they have to say that they forget to listen to the other person. Be open to their feedback and responsive to their wishes.

How Can Relationship Coaching Help Me Resolve Relationship Intimacy Problems?

PIVOT can help you establish a more intimate connection with your partner through our couples’ coaching or our customized individual relationship workshops. Apart from helping you achieve more satisfying relationships, our programs can help you grow as a person and gain more confidence in your interactions with others so that you can comfortably say no any time you need to. Give us a call today!

Idealizing Past Relationships: Why People Do It & How To Break The Habit

Everyone who’s been a part of our lives leaves a mark, especially if it’s an ex partner who we spent months or years with. Even when you’re in a committed relationship and there’s seemingly nothing wrong, you may still have bouts of thinking about an ex. While this is perfectly normal, it may still negatively affect your current relationship. 

If you’d like to stop thinking about past relationships, you first need to find out more about why it happens and how you can overcome it. If you worry that you may be struggling with relationship addiction withdrawal, you can also receive the help you need from helpful relationship coaching sessions.

Why Do I Think About Past Relationships So Much?

Why Do I Think About Past Relationships So Much?

Are you happy in your current relationship yet the thoughts of your ex just pop into your head unexpectedly? Even if you haven’t thought about or seen them in a while, random snippets of your time together may come into your mind and have you fantasizing about them all over again. You’re not alone as this happens to most people. 

There are many reasons why you could be reminiscing about your past relationship, such as:

  • Unresolved emotions: You may not have closure for some reason. Breakups can be messy and you may still have unanswered questions about your past relationship. These “what ifs” may keep you from moving on.
  • New situations prompt the comeback of old feelings: You may be growing closer to your new partner and the attachment you’re feeling now may remind you of how you felt with the ex.
  • Moving on too soon: Many people enter a new relationship soon after the last one ended. If this is the case, maybe you haven’t allowed yourself the time to process your grief and loss. 
  • Idealizing the past: People tend to remember the good and forget the bad. This means you may have a distorted, romanticized image of your past relationship. 
  • You’ve recently heard from them: When a person who meant a lot to you suddenly reappears in your life, it can get you thinking of everything you’ve been through together.
  • You’re underwhelmed with an aspect of your current relationship: Maybe you don’t know how to talk to your partner about improving your sex life or feel like you can’t say no to your partner. Whatever may be bothering you, fantasizing about your ex may be an outlet.

Why Do People Romanticize Past Relationships?

Why Do People Romanticize Past Relationships?

Your past experiences may seem more exciting or more fulfilling when compared to the mundane reality of your current relationship. It’s important to figure out if this is actually true or if you’re just idealizing the past. 

Our memory is unreliable and susceptible to distortions. Because it’s human nature to feel nostalgic about times gone by, many people remember the best things about their ex and forget the bad. This is why you need to take a closer, clear-headed look at your history together.

After all, you had a reason to end that relationship. Taking a step back and considering the things that led to the breakup can be an excellent reality check. In most cases, people realize that they’re simply looking at the past through rose-colored glasses.

Why Not Compare Your Current Partner to Your Exes?

Similarly to what happens with parasocial relationships, we often idealize our exes and unfairly compare our current partners to this impossible ideal. However, this is a habit that typically causes a lot of frustration and does you no good. Here’s why:

  • You’re not working on actual challenges: If you’re taking trips down memory lane to escape ongoing issues in your relationships, you’re missing out on the opportunity to actually tackle these problems and strengthen your bond.
  • It’s unfair and uncharitable: It would be very hurtful to your partner to find out that you’re comparing them to an ex. It’s healthier to honestly discuss the areas of your relationship that you aren’t satisfied with and work on improving them together.
  • Everyone’s their own person: If you feel like your current relationship is worth investing in, try to appreciate your partner for what they are. This doesn’t mean that you can’t expect them to up their game in certain ways. It’s more about seeing them as an individual with their own unique fears, hopes, and dreams.
  • Your perception is probably a little skewed anyways: Since we tend to play up the positive aspects of the past, it’s possible that you don’t actually see your former relationship for what it was.

How Do I Stop Idealizing Past Relationships?

Why Not Compare Your Current Partner to Your Exes?

To break this cycle and focus on connecting to a new partner, here are some things you can try: 

  • Understand why you do it: Finding out the root cause of your longing for the past can be the start to working through it. You can do this by attending practical relationship coaching workshops.
  • Distance yourself from your triggers: If you’re determined not to give your ex a second chance, distance yourself from them. If possible, stop texting them or spending time with them on a regular basis. 
  • Focus on your current relationship: Spend time with your new partner, get to know them better, and enjoy your time together. Be open to establishing another meaningful connection.

Can Relationship Coaching Help Me Realize How To Leave A Bad Relationship?

Yes, PIVOT’s tailored individual coaching sessions can help you learn more about yourself and give you the strength to end an unfulfilling relationship. If you feel like reminiscing about an ex is putting your current relationship at risk, it may be time to give us a call.

Our caring relationship advocates will also assist you with other challenges, like becoming more self-assured in relationships and setting out on a path of personal growth. In addition, we address couples’ emotional challenges in our customized workshops

Reach out to us today to book a stay at our retreat and start a journey of healing and self-discovery.

Parasocial Relationships: What They Are & How They Work

As if interpersonal relationships weren’t complex enough, more and more people nowadays find themselves in parasocial relationships with people they don’t personally know. Since we’re exposed to idealized images carefully manufactured to expand a celebrity’s following and win the hearts of their fans, falling into such a relationship is easier than ever. 

In the era of social media, with vloggers who share their every move online and intense media coverage of the private lives of celebrities, we’ve become overly attached to our favorite stars. And parasocial relationships have become an increasingly common phenomenon, especially among young people.  

If you’d like to get to know more about parasocial attachment and how to get out of this kind of unhealthy relationship, keep reading.

What Counts As A Parasocial Relationship?

What Counts As A Parasocial Relationship?

A parasocial relationship happens when you feel intense emotions for someone who you don’t personally know, typically a famous person. They used to mostly happen with TV personalities, popular musicians, actors, and sports stars. However, nowadays they’re also common with social media celebrities. They can also occur with fictional characters, such as the characters from your favorite movie or book.

The way you feel in this type of relationship can be very similar to how you’d feel in a real-life relationship. You‘re intensely interested in everything that has to do with the person, feel like you have a deep connection with them, and are fiercely loyal to them. You may fantasize about the person and be jealous or over-protective of them. Some people may even exhibit obsessive and stalking behavior. 

What Is A Parasocial Breakup?

Since parasocial relationships are in many ways similar to real-life relationships, you can actually experience a parasocial breakup. For example, this may happen if you’ve fallen for a character on a TV show and the TV show ends or gets canceled. 

The fact that you won’t be able to enjoy “the company” of this person any longer may be as painful as a real-life breakup. You may miss them intensely and grieve the end of your time together just like you would with an actual partner.

Are Parasocial Relationships Healthy?

It’s human nature to form bonds with others. Parasocial relationships are a kind of human connection and developing affection for someone who you admire is perfectly understandable. However, the problem is that they can cause a lot of hurt. There are several reasons why:

Are Parasocial Relationships Healthy?
  • They’re one-sided. By default, there’s no reciprocity in a parasocial relationship. One person pines after another, who isn’t even aware of their existence. This longing can cause a lot of pain and frustration.
  • They typically involve a high degree of romanticization. Since you don’t personally know the object of your affection, you’re free to fill in the blanks any way you choose. You may feel like nobody compares to this idealized image, which could prevent you from establishing meaningful real-life relationships.
  • They often signal a fear of rejection. People who feel strong parasocial affection are sometimes unconsciously protecting themselves from the possibility of rejection. Since the other person doesn’t actually know you, you’re safe from being turned down. However, this can also be stopping you from working through this fear.
  • They may intensify your sense of isolation: This type of attachment sometimes happens to people who are lonely and have low self-esteem. Instead of trying to solve these problems, they may withdraw even further, not giving themselves a chance to interact with people in real life.

Can Parasocial Relationships Benefit Real Life Relationships?

Generally, parasocial relationships are a poor stand-in for a reciprocated, real-life relationship. They aren’t a substitute for a meaningful connection with an actual partner who can love you back. 

However, they do have certain benefits:

  • They may be a learning experience: They could shed light on what you look for in a partner or what you lack in your current relationship. They can also uncover your attachment patterns, help you understand yourself better, and put you on a path of personal growth.
  • They may make it easier to get to know others: Many people who feel intense attraction to a celebrity are part of a fandom. This is a great way for them to meet like-minded people, enjoy a sense of commonality, and form lasting friendships over a shared interest. 
  • They may improve your self-esteem: This kind of relationship can be a great source of motivation for someone who lacks confidence. They may perceive the celebrity as a role model and acquire the traits for which they admire them. For example, a person may continue pursuing music as a hobby because they’re inspired by their favorite musician.
  • They may provide comfort: These relationships can provide a kind of escapism from everyday situations, especially during certain tumultuous and transitional periods of a person’s life, like adolescence. 

How Do I Get Out Of A Parasocial Relationship?

Getting over someone is hard, even if it’s a celebrity or a fictional character, and you need to give yourself time to process and recover from it. Here are some ways to do it:

  • Be gentle on yourself: Don’t beat yourself up about having these feelings.
  • Reflect on your emotions: Consider what you can learn from the experience.
  • Focus on self-care: Find a source of comfort and an outlet for your grief.
  • Connect to the people in your life: Seek support from loved ones.
  • Identify the root cause of such a relationship. Try to identify what caused you to form a parasocial relationship. This may help you learn more about yourself, previous experiences, and possible past wounds. You can also reach out to an advocate to help you work this out.  

Where Do I Find A Private Reconnection Retreat For Couples?

How Do I Get Out Of A Parasocial Relationship?

If you have difficulty letting go of a parasocial relationship or establishing meaningful bonds with people in your life, PIVOT can offer the guidance you need. Our individual coaching offers an excellent chance for personal growth whether you’re struggling to say no in a relationship or have another issue you’d like to work through.Our approachable relationship advocates help couples understand their relationship and apply this knowledge to further it. For example, you may learn how to talk to each other about topics like sex and intimacy more effectively. Get in touch with us to join our helpful coaching sessions!