Day: January 31, 2022

While it has become easier to connect to more people than ever thanks to the unprecedented popularity of online dating, many of the intricacies of the dating world nowadays leave people perplexed. Breadcrumbing is a particularly hurtful behavior that you could come up against while searching for that special someone. If you’d like to find out what it is and how to deal with it with the help of online relationship coaching, read on.

What Does Breadcrumbing Mean?

While the behavior it describes has been around forever, the term breadcrumbing is one of the newest additions to the dating jargon. Breadcrumbing means that someone is showing interest in you without becoming fully invested in the relationship. This person is effectively leading you on by providing you with the bare minimum of their time and effort, that is, breadcrumbs. 

What Are Some Examples Of Breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing usually happens in the first stages of a relationship, while people are just getting to know each other. It can also happen with an ex, especially if your relationship ended recently. It can take many forms, such as:

• Communicating inconsistently: They may shower you with different forms of attention one day and then ghost you for a while.
• Disappearing without explanation: They don’t tell you why they weren’t responding to your texts or calls, or provide an unconvincing excuse.
• Sending mixed messages: For example, they may like your posts on social media while not replying to your texts or returning your calls.
• Keeping you at arm’s length: Even though you’re communicating relatively regularly, they don’t reveal much about themselves. For example, they may routinely respond to your texts with emojis or memes instead of communicating in a meaningful way.
• Wriggling out of dates: They say they’d like to meet up while not setting specific dates and wriggling out of your attempts to schedule a date.
• Not being honest about only wanting a sexual relationship: They’re only interested in having sex without building emotional intimacy and they don’t disclose it openly.
• Showing up when you grow distant: If they feel you’re losing interest, they may start contacting you more frequently only to go MIA again after a while.

Why Does Someone Keep Breadcrumbing?

People leave breadcrumbs when they’re in two minds about the relationship. They aren’t entirely enthusiastic about pursuing it. However, they don’t want to completely dismiss it either. There are many reasons why someone would do this, like:

• They may be playing the field and holding off on the relationship in case someone else comes along.
• They could just be passing the time without any serious intentions.
• They may only want casual sexual encounters and not be after a relationship at the moment.
• They could be emotionally unavailable because they’re thinking about someone else.
• They may have intimacy issues that keep them from establishing deep, meaningful connections. 
• They may be stringing you along intentionally because your affection boosts their ego.
• If they’re an ex, they could be finding it difficult to move on while not willing to actually rekindle the romance.

Sometimes, while it may seem like the person is breadcrumbing, they may just be too afraid of rejection. They may be too insecure to let their feelings show, so they keep you at bay, waiting for you to make the next move. However, if this is the case, they will typically respond well to your attempts to set dates and build a more intimate connection.

Is Breadcrumbing Emotional Abuse?

Breadcrumbing can be deeply hurtful, confusing, and disorienting to the person who’s on the receiving end. Holding onto a breadcrumber isn’t only emotionally underwhelming and unsatisfying. It also keeps you from establishing a fulfilling, supportive relationship. 

Breadcrumbers may or may not be aware of how painful their behavior is. Some people don’t realize that the other person wants a deeper connection, so they feel like a superficial relationship suits both of them. Others may breadcrumb intentionally, so they can get sexual favors or an ego boost. 

Whatever the case, if you’re experiencing it, it’s advisable to find a healthy way to deal with it and stop getting hurt.

Can You Confront A Breadcrumber?

Yes, openly talking to the person about your relationship is one of the ways to find out what’s going on and potentially grow a deeper connection. You can tell them that it seems like you’re looking for different things in a relationship. Talk to them about what you expect and don’t feel like you’re getting. Also, ask them how they envision your relationship. If your ideas differ significantly, it’s better to go your separate ways. Otherwise, someone’s expectations may go unmet.

What To Do If Someone Is Breadcrumbing You?

There are several ways in which you can find out if the situation really is breadcrumbing and try to progress the relationship. For example, you could:

• Discuss the situation with them openly. If they aren’t up for the same level of commitment or say they are and nothing changes soon, it may be best to move on.
• Suggest the time and location for a date. If they cannot find the time for you or say yes and then cancel at the last minute, it’s a red flag.
• Clearly show that you’re interested. If they’re only shy and need some encouragement, they’ll be receptive to your advances.

How Can Coaching At The Glass House Center Help Me Overcome Breadcrumbing?

Here at PIVOT’s Glass House Center, you can attend personalized individual coaching to find out more about yourself and your relationship. You may explore your experience with breadcrumbing and realize how to build stronger, more lasting bonds with romantic partners.In addition, some of our workshops are attended by couples who wish to understand their relationship better. For example, you and your partner may be wondering why you’ve become so alike and would like to delve deeper into how you influence each other. Reach out to us and begin this revealing experience today!

Relationships face many challenges over the years. While infidelity can definitely be the death of a relationship, can thinking about another person have the same effect? If you’re in a committed relationship and you’re trying to make sense of your attraction to another person, read on. You’ll discover the reasons that may be causing this attraction, such as being in a love avoidant relationship, so that you can take the first step toward dealing with these challenges.

Why Am I Thinking About Someone Else While In A Relationship?

Feeling attracted to someone while you’re in a committed relationship can be confusing and troubling. However, this can happen to anyone and for many reasons, like:

• You’re excited by the newness of the situation: If you’ve been in an exclusive relationship for a while, the excitement of the honeymoon period is long gone. Sometimes, you may just be looking for a change, and your attraction for a new person provides you with the excitement you crave. However, you can often recreate the same sense of adventure within your existing relationship if you make some small changes and rekindle the passion.
• Something in your relationship isn’t working: You may not like the other person as much as you dislike an aspect of your relationship. Maybe there’s a long-standing issue in your relationship that you can’t seem to solve. Your interest in the new person may be a distraction from these disappointments. While your relationship is very real, with all its ups and downs, your crush is most likely a blank canvas that you can fill with fantasy of what you wish you had.  
• The other person is offering you something your partner isn’t: The other person may have attracted you by reminding you of something you lack in your relationship. For example, your partner may not show enough support for your ambitions and this person may seem very nurturing and supportive. 

Is Thinking About Someone Else Considered Cheating?

This depends on the partners’ views on fidelity. While some people draw the line at physical affection, others consider thinking about another person to be as serious. However, in most monogamous relationships, whether you think of it as cheating or not, finding out that your partner harbors intense romantic feelings for someone else is very hurtful.

Do I Need To Break Up With My Partner If I Have Feelings For Someone Else?

No, you don’t have to end your relationship because you’re attracted to another person. The attraction will likely die down if you don’t nurture it. There are also several things you could do to get over your crush and continue thriving in your current relationship. 

On the other hand, you may also decide to pursue a different path and further explore your relationship with the new person. In both cases, it’s important to be honest to both people and set things straight. This choice typically ends up producing more problems.  It never is quite like you think it will be.  Jumping from one relationship to another is not the best way to end a long-term relationship.  

What Do You Do If You’re In A Relationship And Like Someone Else?

Although it may seem counterintuitive, this newfound attraction can actually help your existing relationship. Yep, you read that right.  It can make you reflect on some important things about yourself, your expectations, and how your current partner fits into it. Here are some things to try:

• Give it some time: You need to give yourself some time to think about things and determine what the actual source of your attraction is. Does it signal that you’d like a change in your relationship? Is it only passing infatuation? Or maybe you could actually be a match? These questions are for you to answer, don’t rush it; however set some bottom lines for yourself.  If you don’t set some bottom lines, it could become physical and you may end up cheating on your partner.  This can bring devastating consequences. .
• See what you can learn from it: Reflecting on your crush can give you an invaluable insight into what you need and want from a relationship. You may become aware of some aspects of your relationship that are rubbing you the wrong way. You can then use this understanding to work on your bond with your partner.
• Keep your distance: If you decide that you want to stay in your current relationship, protect it by staying away from your crush. If possible, avoid meeting them or interacting with them online and in person.  No Contact. If you can’t help communicating with them, perhaps you work together, don’t try to charm them or connect with them on a deeper level. Although it’s difficult to stay away, this is the best way to get over them.  Please, get help if you don’t want to damage your committed relationship. 
• Try to make changes in your committed relationship: Once you’ve established that there’s room for improvement, talk to your partner openly and try to work on the challenges together. You’ll likely grow even closer when you share your feelings this way. Also, you’ll probably have your needs met more effectively. You’ll probably also find out what you could be doing to make your relationship stronger. 
• Channel the sexual energy into your relationship: Spice up your sex life or go on more dates to bring back some of the excitement of the initial stages of your relationship. This will give you a sense of newness and help you rediscover the things that made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.

Where Can I Find A Great Private Couple Retreat For Reconnection?

Thanks to our experience and compassion, PIVOT can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationship. Our tailored curriculum will make you think about your early experiences and how they’ve shaped the person you are today. If you’ve had a hurtful experience, such as breadcrumbing, you can learn important takeaways and how to avoid it in the future. Simply sign up for our client-centered coaching sessions for individuals.

If you’d like to approach your relationship challenges as a couple, we also offer comprehensive couples workshops where you can work on issues together. Our friendly relationship advocates will guide you through the process of growing stronger as a unit. Get in touch with us to start the exciting journey of healing and discovery!

Partners grow and change throughout their relationship and their personalities evolve over time. Romantic relationships are a big part of everyone’s life, so it’s only natural for them to shape people in major ways. Since you share so much of your experiences with your partner, developing in similar ways is common.

If you’d like to find out how your relationship can affect your personality, whether couples truly become more alike or different, and why this happens, read on. This may help you recognize unhealthy patterns in your or your partner’s behavior, such as avoiding intimacy in your relationship, and help you begin to work to establish a stronger connection.

Does Your Partner Affect Your Personality?

Yes, chances are that your partner will affect your personality, similarly to other people close to you. They’re a part of your everyday life and your close proximity could lead to unconsciously mimicking each other’s behavior. Your partner’s actions may also directly contribute to shaping your personality, both in positive and negative ways.

How Do Relationships Affect Personality?

Relationships could affect different aspects of your personality. When the influence is positive, it contributes to changing your unhealthy habits for the better. Your partner knows you very well and can spot unhealthy patterns you didn’t realize you had. They can also provide support in overcoming these issues. 

People can often adjust their behavior based on their partner’s example. This can manifest itself in little things, such as eating healthier, or major ones, like having better control of your emotions. Being happily in love is often an excellent agent of change because the positivity can spill over into other parts of your life. 

On the other hand, relationships may have detrimental effects on you as a person if they’re unhealthy. For example, having a jealous, overbearing partner can make a person more timid and insecure. Their anxiety may make their partner become withdrawn and feel cut off from the outside world. Unhealthy relationships often leave deep emotional scars, affecting the person’s self-esteem and making them vulnerable to further emotional abuse. 

Prior to Pivot, I had been on both sides of that dynamic and it was not fun.  And, that is an understatement.  It was painful, confusing, depressing and affected my own self-esteem in ways that I describe in the #Healthy Adult book.  The co-addictive tango dance of the overly anxious and avoidant individual in relationship is a pattern that we see a lot at our individual couples retreats.  Interestingly enough, they are typically two people who love each other however the unresolved relational wounds and trauma of the past, keeps them repeating the patterns in their committed relationships. So, personalities are definitely affected. Read on…

Do Couples Become More Similar Over Time?

Both everyday experience and research suggest that long-time partners truly do become more alike. This also occurs with family members and close friends. This is not a negative however it is interesting to understand because overtime, resentment might surface and blaming each other for losing your individuality  follows.  

Being similar may happen in multiple ways, such as:

• Using similar mannerisms: People often imitate the body language of those they interact with. This is done unconsciously, to establish better rapport, gain the other person’s trust, and form a connection. It comes as no surprise that you’d mimic your partner’s gestures and facial expressions. This could make you seem more alike to the people around you.
• Having some of the same habits: Partners usually adapt their pre-relationship routines to the other person’s schedule and habits. For example, you may grow accustomed to eating and going to bed at the same time, especially if you live together. Because you consider these things as a unit, you’ll likely have the same plans for the weekend or the holidays, too. 
• Saying the same phrases: You talk to your partner a lot, so you’re exposed to their speech patterns all the time. This inevitably leads to adopting some of the same sentence structures and other features of their way of speaking. What’s more, happy couples often have a well-developed language of their own, rich with inside jokes and idiosyncrasies. When you use these phrases around others, they may perceive you as more similar.
• Liking the same things: Your partner may introduce you to new things, which can alter your lifestyle in many different ways. For example, you may start having your morning coffee or eating your eggs differently. On a larger scale, as a result of their influence, you may change your social circle or rethink your career choice to be more in line with theirs. 
• Having similar topics of conversation: Since you go through many experiences together, you probably have similar anecdotes to share. For example, because you go on vacation as a family, you’ll have visited the same places and met the same people. This means you’ll probably have similar stories to relate to your friends back home.

Why Do Couples Start Acting Alike?

You spend a lot of time together and share your most intimate visions of the world, so many of their interests, opinions, and character traits will probably rub off on you, and vice versa. For example, through discussing everyday situations, you may easily adopt their views and interpretations. This goes for everything, from how you see the people around you to how you interpret current events.

Also, together you go through many profound changes, such as moving or having children. These milestones often have a similar impact on both of you, making you more alike. In addition, your partner’s reactions to them may shape the way you perceive them as well. For example, if they adjust to parenthood smoothly, you’ll be more likely to adopt their relaxed attitude and take these changes in your stride.

Finally, your partner is someone you respect and admire. You may model your behavior based on this positive example they’re setting either consciously or unconsciously. For example, you may like the way they communicate with people, so you in turn become friendlier and more open than you used to be. 

Again, this is good to have similarities however if you are feeling you are losing your own identity, you may want to find your way back to yourself.  Like I shared above, if you are starting to get resentful, get help before you feel like the only way to return to self is to leave the relationship.  And, that can be disruptive and create irreparable damage and unnecessary drama and trauma.  

How Can A Comprehensive Codependency Workshop Help My Relationship?

PIVOT provides in-depth, personalized assistance to people struggling with codependency or another issue affecting their relationship and overall well-being. If you’d like to work on an aspect of your relationship, such as a lack of passion or the fact that you’ve stopped having fun together, you could join our couples workshops to work out suitable solutions. We also offer individual sessions to help you strengthen your relationship to yourself and others. Here you can discover your attachment style, pinpoint the things you need in your relationship, find out how to respond to conflict, learn how to spot hurtful behavior, like breadcrumbing, and much more. If you’re experiencing a specific issue in your relationship, like fantasizing about someone else, we can help you explore it. Give us a call today!