Day: November 16, 2023

We all love displays of affection hurled our way, especially so when we’re at the precipice of a new romantic relationship. Whether it’s a single rose, a well-placed compliment, or a cute surprise picnic at our favorite park, it makes us feel special, appreciated, wanted, and, above all else – cherished.

But what if those expressions of attraction are so over-the-top and begin at the get-go? Instead of a single rose, a dozen bouquets. Instead of a tasteful compliment, an ongoing torrent of flattery. Instead of an intimate picnic, a lavish dinner at the 5-star restaurant, and all of it on the first few dates.

Is there a point where too much attention is too much? Better yet, is there a point where too much attention becomes dangerous? The answer is “Yes”, and the love bombing cycle may just be the perfect example of it. However, to understand the “Why?”, we first need to find the answer to the question, “What is love bombing, and why is it bad?”.

Is Love Bombing A Red Flag?

Right off the bat, we must say yes, love bombing in relationships can be considered a huge red flag. The reason for this is that, in the vast majority of cases, love bombing has nothing to do with genuine love or even liking.

Why Is Love Bombing Bad?

At its core, love bombing is a manipulation tactic geared toward fostering dependency in the victim. Typically, it overwhelms the recipient with excessive displays of affection and attention, lavish gifts, grand gestures, and a continual stream of compliments.

While this initial intensity may seem benign or even interpreted as a positive, in most instances, it is anything other than that. For in the dictionary of a love bomber, there’s no such thing as “free.” Virtually every action, gesture, and compliment comes with a price, and they’re intent on collecting.

Is Love Bombing Always Bad?

In most instances, the love bombing cycle has a clear-cut purpose: manipulate the recipient’s emotions to establish dominance over them and create a relationship where the balance of power heavily favors the love bomber. 

With this in mind, we can safely say that love bombing in relationships is bad, as it is employed as a means of exerting control for selfish goals rather than as an expression of genuine affection.

Why Love Bombing Is A Red Flag?

The primary reason why love bombing in relationships could be considered a red flag is two-fold:

• Potential for ongoing emotional control: Excessive affection can foster dependency in the victim, rendering them virtually incapable of asserting their own needs and boundaries, making them even more vulnerable to further manipulation;
• Potential for ongoing emotional abuse: Instilling a sense of obligation shifts the power dynamic away from the victim, compelling them to focus on taking care of the manipulator’s needs while disregarding or even ignoring their own well-being.

It must be noted that the progression of this type of manipulation isn’t a straight line. It doesn’t start with excessive shows of affection, and it doesn’t end when the love bomber gets what they need. Rather, it forms what is known as a “love bombing cycle,” a vicious circle in which extreme lows immediately follow intense and short-lived highs.

This typically leaves the victim emotionally starved, yet compelled to do virtually anything to feel valued and appreciated again, even if it’s just for a fleeting moment and even if the intensity of newly shown affection is a pale shadow of what it once was.

Therein lies the actual danger of being trapped in the cycle: existing in this state of emotional tenseness is unsustainable long-term and typically results in significant trauma to the victim’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

What Are The Red Flags During Love Bombing?

Due to the life-shattering potential of love bombing, it is essential to learn to recognize if and when this tactic is being used on you. However, due to its deceptive nature, doing so is easier said than done. Fortunately, there are some specific behaviors taking place during the process that can be considered warning signs. Early love bombing red flag examples may include:

• Expressing deep love and commitment in the early stages of the relationship:

o   Example: “I know we’ve only known each other for a week, but I can’t imagine my life without you.”

• Frequent and exaggerated praise, disproportionate to the length and nature of the relationship:
  • Example: “You’re the most amazing, beautiful, and intelligent person I’ve ever met in my life!”
• Over-the-top gifts and grand gestures that far exceed what can be considered reasonable for the current stage of the relationship:
  • Example: Being given an expensive piece of jewelry after only a few dates (and ensuring you know just how expensive it is).
• Attempts to isolate you from your family and friends and set themselves up as the primary source of emotional support:
  • Example: “I don’t get why you’re hanging out with them. They don’t understand you like I do.”
• Disrespecting/disregarding your boundaries and personal space:
  • Example: Calling or texting you any time of day or night just to “check-in” and keep track of your every move.
• Pushing to take the relationship to the “next level,” even if it’s in its earliest stages:
  • Example: “I know it’s only been a month, but I feel you could move in with me.”

These are the initial strategies love bombers use to lure their targets into committing to the relationship. Once the victim is hooked, however, manipulative tactics become more extreme, and can grow to include:

• Using emotional manipulation strategies (e.g. gaslighting, guilt-tripping, nagging) to make you feel obligated to fulfill their requests or needs:
  • Example: “I’m doing all these amazing things for you. If you loved me, you’d do this one small thing for me.”
• Putting you through an emotional rollercoaster, typically by exhibiting sudden and unpredictable mood swings or changes in behavior and demeanor:
  • Example: Making you feel like you’re the center of the universe for a while, then suddenly devaluing your actions or opinions for a prolonged period.
• Conditioning you to receive affection:
  • Example: Offering praise or physical intimacy almost exclusively as a reward for specific behaviors.

If you notice any signs mentioned above of love bombing in a relationship, it is highly advisable to stop and take a step back. Conduct a deep, thorough evaluation of the relationship as a whole, focusing on aspects such as the fairness of reciprocity, the pace at which it develops, and the potential for long-term sustainability.

While putting your new relationship through such scrutiny can seem a bit excessive, or even extreme, it can give you the clarity necessary to take the next step. Most importantly, it can prevent you from being trapped in a vicious cycle.

Spiral Out Of The Love Bombing Cycle With PIVOT

If you’ve suffered love bombing in a relationship or you’re currently trapped in the cycle of love bombing, know that the means to regaining your freedom and individuality are readily within your reach. At PIVOT, we’re helping our clients rediscover their strengths and resilience through individualized coaching sessions led by compassionate professionals with years of experience.In the soothing environment of our Glass House Retreat, you can learn to recognize the signs of love bombing, gain skills necessary to free yourself from the clutches of manipulation and, in doing so, reclaim your emotional well-being and faith in genuine, loving connections. Reach out to us today to get started!

Love simply happens. It can catch up to us in the most precarious of situations, in the most unexpected of places, and at the most inconvenient of times. However, when it does, there are no two ways of going about it:

Love simply happens. We get caught off guard by a sudden spark promising a deep, passionate fire within. We get thrown off balance by a ripple promising a tidal wave. We get dizzy by fluttering, promising a kaleidoscope of butterflies, each more beautiful than the other. 

Love simply happens. When it does, it is enchanting, confusing, exhilarating, soothing, intriguing, and mysterious – all at the same time. Love can be many things and take many forms; what it isn’t and cannot be is cold, calculating, and misleading.

Love bombing doesn’t simply happen. Unlike genuine affection, love bomb definition is that it is well thought out and has a clear-cut purpose: to entrap a victim in a cycle of dependency that benefits none other than the love bomber themself.

Considering how disruptive and harmful the aftermath of a love bombing can be, it is essential to learn how to tell the difference between the two.

Is Love Bombing Intentional?

Love bombing meaning is that it’s an “emotional manipulation technique, aimed at asserting control over the victim.” Like every conniving tactic, this one also involves actions or behaviors that are purposeful and calculated, with an ulterior motive that serves the manipulator’s end goals.

With this in mind, we can say that love bombing typically is intentional. However, the key word here is “typically”. This implies that there is such a thing as “unintentional love bombing” – and it is more common than initially thought.

Can Someone Love Bomb You Unintentionally?

There are many situations where individuals can display behaviors or actions that resemble love bombing, only without harboring any ulterior motives or malicious intents. For instance, if we consider love bombing vs infatuation or overenthusiasm about a new relationship, the latter two can be intense, overwhelming, or discomforting.

However, don’t perceive a deliberate manipulation attempt right from the get-go. Instead, it may just be a reflection of someone’s personality and their desire to express genuine affection, with the influence of their intense emotions driving them to crank it up to 11.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that individuals with certain attachment styles can be more prone to engaging in behaviors that resemble love bombing. Typically, those with anxious or preoccupied attachment styles might resort to intense displays of affection in their pursuit of closeness, validation, and security in a relationship.

While these inadvertent behaviors may be disconcerting or overwhelming, they cannot be considered “love bombing” in a general sense, as they do not possess the underlying intention to manipulate or control the target.

What Can Be Mistaken For Love Bombing?

When we talk about love bombing vs real love, there’s often an aura of confusion surrounding the topic. The reason for this is that certain behaviors or situations can be misconstrued as manipulation tactics when they are, in fact, genuine expressions of fondness. Some common examples include:

• Genuine (over)enthusiasm: A person fostering sincere excitement about a new relationship may appear overly eager and intense.
• Generosity: Some individuals are generous by nature and enjoy giving gifts to those they like, which can be disconcerting if those gifts become too extravagant or too frequent.
• Effusive personalities: People who tend to express themselves in an unrestrained and heartfelt manner can, sometimes, overwhelm the recipient with affection.
• Early romantic gestures: These are all too common during the early stages of a relationship. However, in their eagerness to display affection, a person may take it a step too far, which can instill some concern in their partner.
• Cultural/societal differences: Different cultures and societies have distinct ways of showing sentiment. What’s considered completely normal in one, can be perceived as inappropriate in the other.
• Intense mutual attraction: Extraordinary chemistry between two people, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can lead to overly strong expressions of affection. However, if one person is not used to or is less comfortable with the level of intensity, they may interpret the actions of their partner the wrong way.

While these situations and behaviors do bear semblance with the love bomb definition, they’re mostly innocent in nature and, in most cases, easily remedied with an honest, open conversation that sets healthy boundaries within a relationship.

How To Tell The Difference Between Love Bombing And Real Affection?

Is it love bombing or genuine? Now, this is a million-dollar question. However, answering it is not that easy, as distinguishing between the two requires a fair amount of insight and a keen eye for behavioral patterns. Here are some key differences you need look out for:

• Pace of the relationship:
  • Love bombing: Intense (verbal) declarations of love, pushing for rapid commitment, and excessive openness early on in the relationship;
  • Genuine affection: A steady progression that allows both individuals to gradually and naturally build a genuine connection based on mutual understanding;
• Respect of boundaries:
  • Love bombing: Intrusive attention, clinginess, and neediness with no regard for the other person’s comfort;
  • Genuine affection: Mutual respect of comfort levels, including the pace of the relationship, displays of love, and individuality;
• Idealization:
  • Love bombing: Lack of acknowledgment or blatant disregard for other person’s flaws, challenges, and limitations (emotional, psychological, physical, or material);
  • Genuine affection: Recognition of imperfections, understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses, followed by genuine attempts to complement (and not change, remove, or perfect) partner’s flaws;
• Communication:
  • Love bombing: One-sided expression without basis in mutual understanding, typically in the form of excessive gift-giving, flattery, compliments, and grand gestures;
  • Genuine affection: Open and honest communication with the intention to understand each other’s feelings, needs, and expectations;
• Reciprocity:
  • Love bombing: Demanding the fulfillment of their needs and constantly asking for more without investing back into the relationship, shifting the balance of power toward the love bomber;
  • Genuine affection: A balanced exchange of affection where both parties contribute to the emotional dynamic of a relationship.
• Consistency:
  • Love bombing: A cycle of intense emotional highs followed by extreme lows; periods of idealization followed by devaluation or withdrawal;
  • Genuine affection: A steady expression of love and care by both sides over the course of the relationship, with only minute and mostly situational oscillations.

Do Love Bombers Actually Love You?

In general, love bombers’ intentions and goals are rarely (if ever) rooted in genuine love or affection. Once again, we must reiterate that love bombing is a manipulation tactic. As such, the motivations behind it are typically self-serving, aimed at fulfilling the manipulator’s own needs, without regard for the well-being of their victim.

Escape The Love Bomb Trap With Assistance From PIVOT

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Our adept team stands ready to equip you with the tools and skills necessary to regain control of your life, either through group or individual, one-on-one coaching sessions, tailored to your specific needs.

Join us at our Glass House Retreat as you embark on the journey toward rediscovering the true meaning of love and make yourself ready to build the meaningful relationships that you deserve. Reach out today!

Picture this: you meet someone and find yourself on the precipice of a nuclear romance. This new person is the epitome of charm, sending a tidal wave of affection and admiration your way, a true dream come true.

As the relationship soars, you find yourself entangled in a web of emotions so intense and intoxicating that it becomes difficult, borderline impossible, to imagine yourself living without that level of attention.

Then, the tides start turning. What you thought was a vibrant connection becomes a drowning pool, with the other person’s affection being offered by a teaspoon, whereas once it came in torrents. You find yourself being pulled into the deepest depths of emotional famine, craving attention, even if it’s only a pale reflection of what it once was. And, when it ends, you’re left wondering if true love can ever find its way through the wreckage of shattered trust.

What you experienced is the very definition of “love bombing,” a phenomenon that shines with intensity yet hides shadows of manipulation beneath its glistening surface, leaving victims questioning the authenticity of their relationships long after the storm has passed. In the aftermath of it all, many questions arise, the biggest ones being “What drives individuals to turn to this conniving tactic?” and “What consequences does it leave on the victims?”

Is Love Bombing A Trauma Response?

By revisiting the meaning of love bombing, it’s immediately apparent that it’s not a trauma response. Instead, it is a manipulative tactic, typically employed by individuals who display certain personality traits and/or behaviors, such as:

• Narcissistic tendencies: Individuals who display an exaggerated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration can use love bombing as a tool to feed their ego and control others.
• Manipulative communication: Skilled communicators often employ flattery and excessive praise to manipulate emotions and foster dependency in their listeners.
• Boundary violation: Deliberate disregard for personal boundaries, invasion of personal space, and disrespect for privacy can make targeted individuals vulnerable to the manipulator’s influence.
• Entitlement: Individuals who believe themselves inherently deserving of the attention and affection of others often employ manipulative tactics to ensure their needs are met without regard for the well-being of their partner.

However, these traits and behaviors can sometimes be linked to past traumas. Distressing experiences or events in a person’s life can lead to the formation of certain coping and defense mechanisms, for instance:

• Survival mechanisms: Resorting to manipulation to gain a sense of control, protect yourself from perceived threats, and cope with overwhelming stressors in their life or relationships can be influenced by past traumas;
• Attachment issues: Scheming tactics (i.e., love bombing, gaslighting, etc.) can be developed in response to past abandonment or neglect, typically as a way to manage fears and insecurities;
• Emotional regulation: Intense displays of (ingenuine) affection can be a way for a love bomber to regulate their own emotions or manipulate the feelings of others for their own fulfillment;
• Lack/loss of power/control: An unhealthy power dynamic in past relationships can drive a person to use manipulation to regain or enforce superiority in future ones.

With these contributors in mind, we can draw a loose parallel between love bombing and trauma responses, albeit only by transitional properties. 

Still, we must note that while these traits can add to manipulative tendencies, it doesn’t mean that a person exhibiting them is bound to form what is a love bomb relationship by default. It only means that their individual experiences may give them the capability to do so and whether they choose to utilize it is up to their self-awareness.

Why Is Love Bombing Traumatizing?

There are numerous reasons why manipulation in a relationship can be traumatizing to the victim. However, most love bombing trauma examples have some common denominators, the most notable ones being:

False Sense Of Security

Initial affection and attention lull the victim into lowering their guard, rendering them less capable of noticing and addressing manipulative behaviors. This, in turn, makes them even more vulnerable and susceptible to further manipulation.

Fosters Dependency

Love bombers often seek to create a strong emotional dependency in their targets, typically by building themselves into a primary source of their validation. As the victim becomes more reliant on the manipulator for their sense of self-worth and self-esteem, once they withdraw the attention or treat them poorly, the victim starts working even harder to regain their affection, allowing the love bomber to exploit them further.

Isolates The Target From Their Support Circle

Tying into our previous point, another thing love bombers will often do in order to keep free reign over their victims is cut them off from their friends and family, fostering feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. This further deepens the dependency and vulnerability to manipulation, as well as leaving the victim with (seemingly) nowhere or no one to fall back on.

Perpetuates The Cycle Of Abuse

Like gaslighting, love bombing is a frequently used tactic in abusive relationships. The cyclical pattern of idealization and devaluation, emotional highs and lows, and seemingly inexplicable oscillations between affection and detachment all perpetuate confusion and anxiety in the victim. This makes it difficult for them to break free from the toxic relationship or even recognize that they are in one.

What Is The Aftermath Of Love Bombing?

By definition, love bombing has a simple goal: to manipulate the person into committing to an unhealthy and often codependent relationship. Needless to say, this can have severe lasting consequences for the person on the receiving end. Some tell-tale signs of love bombing trauma include:

• Shattered trust: Discovering that the intense display of “love” was anything other than genuine can leave a person feeling betrayed, which is often emotionally devastating.
• Loss of identity: Love bombers often place their victims on a glass pedestal in a calculated attempt to make them feel idealized. However, inevitable devaluation takes the hammer to that pedestal, bringing the person atop it crumbling into a spiral of doubts about their own opinions, values, and ideologies.
• Loss of self-esteem: The same idealization-devaluation cycle can often make a person feel unworthy of love, happiness, and genuine, honest connection.
• Fear of vulnerability: After being in a love bomb relationship, victims may develop hypervigilance and distrust as defense mechanisms to protect themselves from being hurt or exploited in the future.

Finally, if we combine all of the above, we can see how a person who was subjected to a love bombing may have extreme difficulties forming healthy connections in the future. Trust issues, fear of betrayal and manipulation, and constant mistrust can cripple an individual’s ability and capacity to engage in relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Does Love Bombing Create A Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is a strong emotional connection that can form between individuals who experience intense emotional highs and lows together, often stemming from an abusive or manipulative relationship.

In this context, emotional oscillations refer to the cyclical pattern of abuse, where periods of intense affection, positivity, and kindness are followed by no less intense intervals of harm, callousness, or violence.

Love bombing can instigate an abusive cycle, as the victim becomes attached to the affection displayed during the idealization phase. However, when this is followed by devaluation, they will often seek to reestablish that positive emotional experience, which effectively contributes to the formation of a trauma bond.

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We tailor our coaching sessions to your unique needs and circumstances, giving you the means of rediscovering your inherent strength and resilience and empowering you to rediscover your potential to form genuine, meaningful connections.

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For many, nothing is more thrilling than the beginning of a new relationship and falling in love. You’re excited about getting to know your new partner, you love spending time with each other, and everything seems ideal or as close to it as possible. Then, as this initial phase subsides, the true colors of illusioned perfection start rearing their head, and you might very well find yourself in a table-turning situation. One minute, everything’s perfect; the next, you constantly feel at fault, incapable of understanding how the identical things you do can be both right and wrong. There’s a name for this – love bombing. 

During various love bombing phases, your partner will do everything to display themself as your perfect partner. Granting you absolute attention, making you feel like the only person in the world, buying luxurious gifts…Non-stop. As your defenses falter, they gradually start moving on to the next love bombing stage, sabotaging your very understanding of the affection they bestowed. Eventually, you find yourself losing your identity, isolated from the true love of family and friends.

What Are The Stages Of Love Bombing? 

In the narcissist love bombing cycle, the fairytale phase doesn’t last forever. Once they’ve got you under their spell, manipulation begins, and they start alternating between grand gestures, devaluing, discarding, and hoovering. These are the four love bombing stages you can typically distinguish in such a relationship. 

1. Love Bombing

Initially, your partner will make you feel so loved that you cannot imagine your life without them. You start feeling dependent on them and, naturally, expect this form of love to continue. 

The first phase is difficult to distinguish from the honeymoon phase most relationships go through. The main difference is that this form of behavior is mainly directed only from your partner to you in their narcissistic attempt to gain control over you. While their gestures may seem to be romantic and thoughtful, they usually go overboard. 

2. Devaluing

What comes after love bombing, once they’ve established control over you, is that your extremely generous and loving partner suddenly becomes judgemental and cold. They are love bombing and then pulling away. You may find yourself remembering the beginning of your relationship when the attention and gifts were pouring, wondering what you’ve done wrong to be deprived of it. This allows your partner to withhold and manipulate attention so they feel in control quickly. 

You may start losing the sense of who you are because they’re managing all the little and not-so-little things, which can be anything from how you present yourself to how you dress. They’ll overtly let you know how they feel about your “mistakes” and often gaslight you when you try to defend yourself. You may feel like you’re under their constant evaluation, and you don’t measure up. 

3. Discarding

Once you’ve experienced emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and excessive criticism, you’ll probably feel so devastated and wounded that you’re no longer enjoyable for them to manipulate. This can cause them to either leave without much warning or push you away and cause a breakup. 

During their absence, you’re left with confusion, feelings of guilt, and low self-esteem. You may believe that you’re the reason for the mistreatment, and it’s your fault that you no longer receive the affection and love that you experienced in the beginning. This is why it can be tough to move on and engage in new relationships.

Hoovering

After they’ve been gone for a while, they can return with even more tactics. Attention and gifts start again to lure you back into the relationship, trying to reach out for help, proving how much they’ve changed, or claiming they won’t find anyone like you. 

They also tend to cross boundaries, such as showing up where they know they can reach you to check your response and how easily they could again manipulate your emotional state. While they may seem to show genuine regret, the truth is they miss the control rather than the relationship.

How Long Does Love Bombing Stage Last? 

There’s no precise answer to how long the first stage of the cycle can last. On average, it can go anywhere between several weeks to several months. They tend to persist with it until you’re either completely seduced or you make it clear that their efforts have been in vain. While many victims perceive exaggerated declarations and gestures as red flags and get out, others tend to be more susceptible to this form of behavior, especially if they’ve been previously abused, have low self-esteem, or are particularly empathetic.

What Is The Next Stage After Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a tactic typically used by narcissists to establish control dependency. Unfortunately, once it’s over and they’ve reached their goal, they usually withhold the affection and love they used to give in excess. They’ll likely meet any hint of your desire to leave with rage or threats. They may gaslight and blame you for all their problems, suddenly destroying the illusion that you’ve found your soulmate.

This phase is typically emotionally devastating and described as invalidating, confusing, degrading, and inconsistent. This experience can seriously harm your self-esteem and sense of self and self-worth. 

Learn How To Cope With Every Love Bombing Stage With PIVOT

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Our certified experts take a relational and attachment-oriented approach to help you heal your emotional intelligence and reap all the benefits of it. We’ll help you learn to recognize red flags and successfully avoid becoming a victim. Contact our dedicated professionals today!

One moment, you’re showered with expensive gifts and all the attention anyone could ever ask for. Then, your partner gets upset when you socialize and spend time with others, leaving you feeling cut off from your friends and family. Why? This can and will leave you confused about what and, more importantly, why this is happening. And that’s just the beginning of most innocent love bombing signs. 

Initially, you may have felt spellbound by your partner’s grand gestures, enough to make any individual feel desired and important. Gradually, the truth behind these actions might start coming to light, getting you to realize that they’re your partner’s means to manipulate you and make you feel dependent on them. What felt like the beginning of a perfect love story can turn into a controlling, abusive, codependent, or manipulative relationship. Learning more about love bombing signs in a relationship can help protect your safety and well-being.

What Is Love Bombing And What Are Examples? 

Love bombing is a type of manipulative behavior, involving emotional and psychological abuse. It’s when your partner goes above and beyond for you in order to control the relationship. It’s typically triggered by their dependence on others, inability to trust, and their insecurities. They may also do this intentionally or unintentionally. 

Now, what does love bombing look like? While it can have different forms, it typically involves love bombing examples such as:

• Exaggerated praise and flattery.
• Showering you with lots of wanted, unwanted, or unneeded gifts.
• Over-communicating their feelings for you.
• Intense and early talks about building a future together. 

Your partner will often use enticing phrases to get a grip of you immediately. These phrases are typically over-the-top and can even cause you to feel uncomfortable. Some common expressions include:

• “You’re the perfect woman/man.”
• “You’re my soulmate.”
• “We’re soulmates.”
• “I’ve never met anyone like you.”
• “You complete me.”
• “I won’t meet anyone like you ever again.”

While these phrases can make you feel like you’re the center of the universe, they’re intended to make you believe so and distract you from your partner’s true intentions. 

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Love Bombing? 

Spotting the signs can be difficult once you’re caught in the cycle, especially since starting a new relationship is normally exciting, and we generally tend to view the new partner with rose-colored glasses. So how do you tell apart genuine love and actions of a sociopath or a narcissist?

Here are 9 signs that can signify that your partner is, in fact, a love bomber:

• Giving you excessive compliments. If they’re obviously exaggerating and constantly throwing heaps of compliments at you, it can be a red flag. They use this tactic to make your mind connect your self-worth and self-esteem with their opinion of you. 
• Spending time with you non-stop. If they want to spend unreasonable amounts of time with you, regardless of your commitments to others or your obligations, they’re probably desperately trying to move forward as fast as possible. You may find yourself ignoring work responsibilities or family or missing out on things you want to do. 
• They want to know every single thing about you. They seem fascinated by you and want to learn every detail about you. However, they often use sensitive information to weaponize and control you later in the relationship. 
• Exaggerating with expensive gifts. If they give you presents that feel over the top and let you know how much they paid for them, they’re probably trying to make you feel obligated to them.
• Introducing you to important people. They may introduce you to the people who are important to them early on to give you the sense that your relationship is quickly becoming serious. These can be their close friends, children, or family members.  
• They need continual validation. You constantly feel you need to reassure them. Compliments are not enough for them. Their constant need to validate their greatness and worth makes up for their fragile and insecure self-esteem, and they heavily rely on you for reassurance.
• Morphing into your ideal match. They can intentionally show themselves exactly who they think you want them to be by constantly agreeing. In this situation, you may notice inconsistencies in what they said at the beginning versus what they say now. 
• Saying “I love you” too soon. It usually takes some time for us to fall in love and feel comfortable to say it. While this depends on the couple, the average time for this is about three months. However, in the case of love bombing, it can be a matter of days or weeks.  
• They want to move in fast. Moving in together is a beautiful step in a relationship. However, it usually comes a bit further down the road after determining your shared values and compatibility. Their urge to do this early is a way to infiltrate your life and manipulate you.

If you believe you’re dealing with a love bomber, setting healthy and clear boundaries is crucial. Another essential step is to confide with a support system, which can be your family members, friends, support groups, or licensed professionals. 

What Does Narcissistic Love Bombing Look Like?

If your partner is trying to manipulate you with excessive attention, they may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). However, love bombing narcissist signs aren’t much different from those coming from a partner whose behavior is triggered by other motives or disorders. Typically, they’re exceedingly communicative about their feelings for you and may claim that you’re their soulmate. They may flood you with their desire to talk about your future together. Yet, this only serves to gain your full admiration and control over you.

Learn Common Love Bombing Signs And Let PIVOT Help You Manage

If you’d like to learn more about the most common red flags and what to do when you notice them, our experienced professionals can help you gain valuable insights and efficient methods you can use to safely remove yourself from a potentially emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. We’ll work closely with you through fully personalized individual coaching or a regenerative Glass House retreat, and carefully lead you every step of the way. Reach out to our specialists today and experience the benefits of professional support!

Are you dazzled by the romantic, fairytale-like gestures you lavishly receive from your new partner every day? Are you thinking you’ve finally found your perfect match and are excited about their hints about building a future together? This might just be the case, and you’re the lucky one in the fire of true affection. However, it’s also possible that you’ve found yourself in what’s called narcissistic love bombing.

Now, what is a love bomber? At first, what your partner does for you feels good, granting you all the attention and making you feel seen, admired, and respected. However, it’s possible that the motivation behind such behavior is to make you dependent on them eventually. Once they feel they’ve secured everything you are with their acts of affection and attention, their other personality traits rise to the surface. 

What Is Love Bombing?

Love bombing definition can be interpreted as emotional abuse where your partner uses impressive gestures in order to manipulate you intentionally. These can include compliments, affection, and gifts. However, these are only their means to make you dependent, allowing them to control the relationship. Once they feel they really have you under control, they become manipulative, abusive, and difficult. 

These individuals tend to experience an emotional void that they have the urge to fill with their partner’s love. However, once they feel secure in a relationship, their true intentions unravel. This can make you feel like you owe them an equal amount of loyalty and adoration in return for all that attention and gifts you’ve received. However, know that love does not require that amount of initial love rush. 

What Happens When You Are Love Bombed?

At the beginning of your new relationship, you may view your partner as charming and particularly attentive, continually praising you and telling you how much they adore you. They idealize you from the very beginning, and you may also very quickly perceive them as emotionally attached to you.

After this initial phase, after they’ve done everything to get you under their spell, they start alternating between being loving and cruel. They mainly display their kindness in public to keep others believing how great they are. However, in private, they let their true character loose and often turn psychologically abusive. Your relationship becomes a vicious circle where gifts and affection are replaced by sociopathic nastiness, followed by a desperate endeavor to reconcile.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

This behavior typically stems from dependence on others and insecurities related to trust. While love bombing in long-term relationships or any other form of relationship can be unconscious, it can also be intentional manipulation. Either way, it makes you feel guilty about questioning your partner’s actions. This manipulative tactic is often used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, where they feel entitled to praise and attention and are extremely self-important. 

However, it can also be a behavior that they learned from childhood trauma, past abusive relationships, or parents. Some common reasons include:

Family Culture Of Expressiveness And Affection

They may have grown up in a family or cultural environment that encourages expressing appreciation or fondness for each other. For some, probably, their intent isn’t harmful or severe, and they don’t realize that their heaps of attention are causing uneasiness and concern. 

Loneliness

If they thrive on staying in a romantic relationship or they’ve been alone for a more extended period of time, their intent to love you may be sincere. The intense attention can be their way of not losing you while your relationship develops. There’s typically no preconceived intent to influence or deceive you, just a strong desire for attachment. 

The Need To Keep You On Hold

In this case, your partner is probably making a calculated attempt to make you stay while they have time to decide what they really want. They seek a stable and secure relationship, yet they’re hesitant to embrace emotional vulnerability. While their attention makes you stick around, it doesn’t necessarily indicate they’re ready for consistent commitment. 

Desire To Influence Or Manipulate

This motive is the most serious one and often comes from a narcissist or sociopath. In this case, love bombing typically occurs in several phases, including idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Further, developing a romantic relationship with this type of love bomber can have you suffering immense emotional as well as financial damage. In extreme situations, it can even become life-threatening.

How Do You Know If You’re Being Love Bombed?

Recognizing narcissist love bombing can be difficult. It may cause a part of you to feel embarrassed about how intense your relationship is, causing you to downplay it to others. Unfortunately, an abusive relationship isn’t clear-cut in all situations. However, there are some red flags that can alert you that your partner is likely a manipulator. Here’s what to look for:

• They shower you with exaggerated flattery and over-the-top compliments. They know and say precisely what you need to hear. 
• They tend to ignore your schedule and time because they’re self-centered and focused on their own needs. 
• When they give you luxurious gifts, they’ll remind you about them and how much they’ve done for you, particularly when you question their actions. 
• They’ll display loads of affection on social media and in public because they want to manipulate the impression of a perfect relationship. 
• Because they need perpetual reassurance, they’ll become angry or even threaten you if you don’t reply to a text. 
• You start feeling uneasy in their presence and fear being berated and punished by them. 
• They tend to confuse you. Because of their insecurity, they’ll blame you, making any problems look like your fault.
• They gradually gain more control over you through gaslighting, making you second-guess your reality and yourself. 
• They detach you from friends and family, so you only rely on them. 
• Because of the emotional abuse, you may experience anxiety or depression.

If you realize you’re involved with a dishonest person who’s abusing you to fulfill their own needs, distancing yourself and seeking support outside the relationship is the safest way out. Rely on your family, friends, or a specialist for an objective perspective, and remember there’s no need to take the blame for what happened. 

Let PIVOT Help You Deal With Narcissistic Love Bombing 

Whether you’re wondering, “Am I love bombing?” or you’ve just got out of an abusive relationship, PIVOT is here to help you restore your emotional well-being. Our certified experts are here to skillfully and gently guide you on your way. Whether through our meticulous coaching for individuals or our empowering Glass House retreats, We’ll help you regain your strength and value so you can thrive again and feel confident in your future relationships. Get in touch with us today and enjoy the perks of our reliable service!