Author: Lori Jean Glass

The end of a marriage is considered to be a traumatic event, and rightfully so. Marital separation tends to cause a whole array of issues and provoke a myriad of negative emotions. Even if your relationship was far from satisfactory, you may still feel lost, disoriented, and sense a general lack of purpose. This is why so many people dealing with divorce guilt, resentment, anxiety, and sadness seek professional help.

In this article, you’ll learn more about depression after a marital breakup and how to cope with it in a healthy way. Although it might seem like a phase in your newly single life, you may want to be prepared and know what to expect from this part of your divorce journey, so keep reading.

Does Divorce Lead To Depression?

Although you may expect to feel better after leaving a dysfunctional or toxic relationship, this is usually followed by feelings of sadness and anxiety. Keep in mind that divorce is usually considered to be a traumatic event, at least for one or both parties in a marriage. 

On a conscious level, you may be aware of all the difficult aspects of your relationship and expect to feel relieved that it’s over. On a deeper level, you could come to realize that you have also lost something in the process and that you’re struggling to accept it. You may start to miss the feeling of certainty or recall times when you and your spouse were affectionate and in love with each other. You may just be confused and anxious about your newly-found independence. You may start to feel guilty for not putting enough effort into fixing your disagreements and saving your marriage.

You might be on the curb of post-divorce depression if the following applies to you: 

• You blame yourself for most of the issues in your marriage 
• You feel like you didn’t deserve any better
• You feel guilty for your children witnessing your arguments with your ex
• You feel disoriented and don’t feel like yourself
• You are reluctant to enter a new committed relationship 
• You start to miss your ex and feel desperate to get back together
• You have trouble falling asleep or waking up too early
• You bury yourself in other responsibilities, such as your job, daily errands, and chores, to numb the pain or just keep your mind busy
• You can’t find any pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• You can’t seem to find the strength to forgive yourself and your ex

How Long Does Grief Last After A Divorce?

There is no general rule that states how long the grieving process may last. For some, it only takes a couple of months, while others it can last years. The good news is, you can do something during this time to make it worthwhile. Finding a way to creatively occupy your mind and time is probably the best way to navigate feelings of helplessness and despair. 

For instance, you can devote time to a specific project, take up a hobby, or try to learn a completely new skill. This way, you’ll be able to get a better understanding and control of your time.

How Do I Get Over My Sadness Of Divorce?

Feeling sad may be normal if your divorce happened suddenly. Your spouse just decided to leave you without giving you the chance to work on your marriage. That situation feels like a shock: you lost an important connection, someone you trusted and counted on in good and bad times, without even anticipating that they are planning to leave.

However, it can be much more challenging to get over the sadness and avoid post-divorce depression if your relationship was complex. If there was a lot of frustration and arguing in the process, if you repeatedly tried to recuperate your relationship to no avail, or you felt personally responsible for the outcome, you may need something more than your own self-reliance. Unfortunately, many people try to numb the pain through substance abuse, excitement chasing, casual sex, and other activities that potentially result in self-harm.

Fortunately, there are effective ways to deal with frustration, sadness, and depression and keep you on the road to healing and recovery:

Pursue Meaning

Rather than looking for ways to numb the pain, your main goal could be to find meaning in the things you do daily. Your emotions are meaningful. Being sad makes perfect sense. You need to adapt to sudden changes in your life and dealing with all these emotions is a part of that. If your emotions are messy, they are probably supposed to be, and you’ll gather the strength to fix them in time.

Keep Your Daily Routine

Daily rituals are important to keep you going. If you can, get rid of distractions and reduce your screen time and presence on social media. Try to make a conscious effort to have regular meals, exercise, and get enough sleep. If you have kids, make sure to spend enough time with them.

Remember Yourself

You are going through a stressful time and you may feel tempted to deal with it by completely devoting yourself to work, household chores, or parenting. It’s important to have enough you-time, as well. You could use it to meditate, practice mindfulness, listen to your record collection, or enjoy some time in nature. If you feel sad, let go of your inhibitions and accept your grief. Keep a diary, so that you’d be aware of your progress.

Practice Acceptance And Forgiveness

If you harbor anger and resentment that keep you in the cycle of depression, the key is to take things one step at a time. Forgiving your ex and yourself for your failed marriage may be easier said than done, so try to accept your marriage is over, that things have changed and that more changes are to come. If you were able to split amicably and forgive each other, you might even remain friends.

Seek Support

In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed and helpless, it’s important to have a helping hand. Whether you’ll seek support from your friends, family members, or a professional, you may need to accept that this is necessary. It’s the first step to getting back on your feet after a complicated divorce.

Reinvent Joy

You may be tempted to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine. While you may feel like your capacity for joy was completely depleted after your split, you could try to approach the world with fresh eyes. You could try to approach everyday communication and activities from a completely different mindset. Getting in touch with your inner child could be helpful to overcoming post-divorce depression and starting completely anew.

How Long Does It Take To Feel Normal After Divorce?

It depends. While some people are able to divorce on amicable grounds and even stay friends after their split, post-divorce depression can take a long time to heal. Feelings of resentment, anger, and shock are all parts of the normal grieving process. You’d need to go through different stages until you reach a level of acceptance. You are no longer together and it’s OK; you can go on and take care of yourself, focus on your needs, and make the best of your time.

Where Can Divorcees Find Professionally-Guided Emotional Support? 

If you want to PIVOT from your old ways and overcome divorce depression, you can consider talking to our relationship coaches. Our professionally-guided coaching options for individuals are designed to help you go through different emotional stages of separation, and equip you with ways to cope with everyday struggles. 

You can learn more about your attachment style and whether it changed after your breakup, see how to work on your second marriage, and establish healthy boundaries. Couples also have a distraction-free opportunity to discuss their codependency or intimacy issues in our Glass House retreat. Reach out to us today to find out how we can help you.

There are many aspects to divorce and separation that can be complicated and time-consuming. Years may pass before you finally admit that you want to split up. The resulting legal proceedings can then take even longer. Even after signing the divorce papers, the journey is often far from over – it’s up to you to decide how you’d like to move forward. You’ll have to choose whether or not to include your ex in your new life.

Sometimes, ex-spouses can’t avoid contacting each other, mainly for the sake of their children, business and/or friendships. In any scenario, including co-parenting, friendship is just a choice, with both advantages and disadvantages. While no one can decide such matters for divorced couples, we offer a few pointers that can help them make an informed decision.

Is It Normal To Stay Friends With Your Ex?

There is a past between you and your ex partner. As you grew up together, you’ve built an arsenal of memories and experiences that are unique to you. In the wake of your divorce, while you’re still wondering how to accept that your marriage is over, there’s a good chance that you both have a lot of painful AND joyful memories. You can still choose to remain friends if that is what you both want.  

Relationships after divorce can be complex, and your unique situation will determine whether or not you can stay friends afterward. The situation is especially challenging for couples who have experienced a bitter divorce. Similarly, if there was abuse or manipulation in the marriage, establishing a friendship too soon after the divorce is not often possible. 

Additionally, if you share children, separated parents will likely remain in touch with their former partners for a lifetime. And theoretically, you would have an easier time communicating if you were friends.

Why Does My Ex Want To Stay Friends?

It’s possible to benefit from friendships with your ex-spouse if you have other aspects of the relationship that contributed to your development, growth, or life goals. For instance, if you both realize your strengths make you great business partners, gym buddies, or even friends, and you can respect each other’s boundaries, a healthy divorce may be the right choice for you.

Then again, according to recent studies, most people retain friendships after divorce for the following reasons – keep in mind that these reasons are not always healthy for some people:

1. Security & Safety

Being friends with an ex-partner to not lose his or her emotional support, guidance, or trust. The most common reason people turn to ex-partners is because they’re used to having a solid support system from them.

2. Practical Reasons 

Keeping in touch with the ex-partner in order to maintain financial support or the social status they once enjoyed as a couple. Also, in many cases, people remain friends after a divorce because they have children together or share belongings.

3. Good Manners

Staying friends solely out of courtesy, for the sake of not hurting the other person’s feelings, to prevent more conflict, because you have mutual friends in your community, or for some other reason.

4. Unresolved Romantic Feelings

Keeping the friendship because you want companionship, to maintain the sexual contact, and because you still hope to rekindle a romantic relationship.

Is It Healthy To Keep In Touch With An Ex?

Once you end an intimate relationship, you are often left with a mixed bag of emotions. It’s common to feel anger, confusion, regret, or sadness, and knowing how to deal with them can be tricky. Though reaching out to an ex may seem tempting, doing so too soon can lead to additional challenges, given the psychological and emotional effects of divorce.

When you end a relationship with someone, you must let go of the closeness you once shared. The importance of taking time to work through your feelings and heal cannot be overstated when one relationship has come to an end. So, don’t rush the grieving process. Instead, get in touch with your closest friends and family, and let them know how you’re doing.

What To Do If An Ex Wants To Be Friends?

Breakups take time to heal. In some cases, this process takes only a few weeks or months, while in others, it can take years. This is a tough truth to accept, however, it’s crucial that you do what’s right for you. Making this difficult decision requires you to follow these steps:

Step #1: Decide If You Want That Person Back In Your Life

There are a number of factors to consider when deciding whether remaining friends with your ex-spouse is a healthy choice. How contentious the divorce was plays a role in whether or not you stay friends after divorce. You may have difficulty trusting an ex if they weren’t cooperative and tried to undermine your credibility constantly.

Step #2: Take Your Time

Separation involves many emotional stages. Your marriage ended for a variety of reasons, so if you aren’t ready for a friendship, don’t rush into it. This may be due to different interests, trust issues, betrayal, poor communication, and many other factors. Organizing a weekly dinner or a game night with your kids may be a good way to spend time together.

Step #3: Set Healthy Boundaries

There should be a sense of joy in friendships. If your friendship with your ex doesn’t serve you or add value to your life, there’s no reason to maintain it. In case your primary emotion relating to your ex has anything to do with fear, fatigue, heartache, or confusion, you don’t have to continue to interact with them just because they were once your partner.

Can A Relationship Coach Help Me Deal With Separation?

If you’ve recently gone through a divorce or separation, PIVOT can provide you with experience-based individual coaching sessions that will help you battle divorce anxiety and increase self-care and self-awareness. You’ll gain a new perspective on life’s challenges as you learn to track unhealthy patterns of behavior, which will allow you to build more healthy relationships with yourself and others. 

Couples looking to mend their relationship after a breakup, or those considering second marriage, are encouraged to meet with relationship advocates in our Glass House sessions to ease tension and develop effective communication skills. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our services and what we can do for you.

Unfortunately, divorce has become a common occurrence in American culture. In light of the ever-increasing divorce rate, numerous research studies indicate that 30-40% of divorcees experience depression and anxiety symptoms.

You can see why it makes sense if you think about it. Change of any type can bring anxiety, and divorce is a major change that comes with its own set of challenges. For instance, insecurity and low self-esteem are common outcomes of divorce. There’s a good chance both parties will wonder whether they’ll ever find another relationship.

For those who didn’t work during their marriage, a divorce can make them anxious about returning to the workforce. Furthermore, when there are children involved, separation anxiety may also play a role. Fortunately, people can deal with divorce anxiety in a number of ways, and here’s how.

What Is the Fear of Divorce?

The term relationship separation anxiety refers to the feelings of uncertainty and fear that many people experience during divorce, or while contemplating one. There are mental symptoms, such as worry about the future, as well as physical, such as increased heart rate, sweating, or lack of sleep.

When you think of divorce as a breakdown of the identity and security you have built your life around, worry and anxiety are natural responses. As you learn how to deal with separation and to accept the changes that are taking place, you start to regain a sense of normalcy.

How Does Divorce Affect Your Feelings?

Divorce is associated with a range of emotions. Those who are going through this life-changing event may find it difficult to acknowledge that these emotions are legitimate and that they contribute to their quality of life. Your feelings may include:

• A feeling of anger and frustration about how things are going
• Feelings of grief and loneliness after a relationship ends
• Feelings of shame or embarrassment, as if you have failed yourself or others
• Fear about the future, along with the worry that you won’t be able to handle it
• Guilt from the impact of divorce on your children
• Uncertain about handling finances

How Do I Deal With Divorce Anxiety?

It is common for people going through divorce to feel anxious. Here is how to deal with that anxiety:

• Grieve if you need to – Embrace your feelings when they arise and give yourself time and space to work through them. This will prevent them from reappearing in the future. Be open to talking things over with close friends – or seek support during this challenging time. Some people find it helpful to keep a journal as a way to understand and make sense of their emotions.
• Change your routine – When life gets tough, routine becomes more essential. As you grieve for the loss of your old life, establishing new habits can help you move forward. Keep yourself healthy by eating well and sleeping well, as well as spending time with friends.
• Change things up – Divorce is a process of letting go of the past. You may find that pursuing a new hobby, or taking a trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go helps you stay focused and optimistic during your transition.
• Exercise regularly – Anxiety is primarily a psychological problem, which can also lead to physical symptoms, including sleep disturbances, libido problems, and appetite issues By exercising regularly, your mental and physical health will be improved, reducing some of these symptoms as a result. Whenever possible, remember to spend 30 minutes a day in the fresh air.

Is It Normal to Constantly Think About Divorce?

Divorce is usually something people think about for a long time before they actually do it. A decision about whether your marriage has reached its end is obviously not an easy one, especially when you have worked hard to try to revive something that seemingly lacks love. Therefore, it’s actually a good thing to think about divorce. It’s well-known that making such a big decision requires a great deal of consideration. 

How Do I Get Enough Courage to Divorce When I Feel it’s Right?

As you proceed through the process of divorcing your spouse, you may feel that your efforts to protect your marriage have fallen short. Oftentimes, it may seem as though something has been overlooked, or that has yet to be explored. However, the truth may be that you have exhausted every possible resource you can use to salvage your marriage, so you have to explore other options to get yourself back on track and follow through with your decision to leave.

Divorce courage is defined as “the courage to do something that frightens one” or “the ability to cope with pain or grief”. There are several reasons why people fear divorce, including:

• Having a fear of being alone
• Anxiety about starting over
• A concern about losing time with children
• Financial concerns
• Fear of what the kids will think or how they will react
• Pressures imposed by society and religion

No matter if you are the one seeking a divorce or your spouse has told you it’s time to end the marriage, discussing your situation with a professional can give you the confidence you need. There are many possible professionals to choose from, such as a therapist, a divorce counselor, even a family law attorney, as well as your closests friends. With the help of someone who has extensive experience guiding people towards such decisions, taking the next step may be more manageable.

Where Can I Find A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals Following Divorce?

For those who have recently gone through a divorce or are suffering from its aftermath, Pivot can offer personalized coaching sessions specifically designed for divorcees. So, before you decide to give marriage another chance, we’ll work with you to uncover your attachment style, unhealthy patterns of behavior and emotion, helping you develop more effective communication and relationship strategies in case you. When married couples decide to rebuild and improve their relationship after separation or divorce, they can turn to relationship advocates in our Glass House relationship recovery workshops. 

Their extensive experience includes guiding couples and individuals to insightful conclusions that lead to positive changes. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us to learn how to start a new chapter in your emotional life.

Most people don’t enter into a marriage consciously thinking they will get divorced in the future. And, statistics show it does happen all too often. When you have children together, things can become even more complicated and emotional. If you are considering divorce or are in the midst of a separation, you may be wondering how it will affect your children. You may be inclined to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your children, although it’s likely you’ll have a deep doubt if it’s the best option for them. You might be giving them an unhealthy example that may only make things more difficult, especially when you’re dealing with divorce depression. 

If you’re like most parents, you’d like to prevent them from feeling like they are responsible for the break-up, and ensure they still have a stable home life. Equally important is that you find a way to take care of yourself and seek support. For example, you can get in touch with a remote relationship coach and start over. In this article, we will explore all of these questions and more.

Are You More Likely To Divorce If You Have Children?

There is no definitive answer to this question. Some studies suggest that parents of girls are more likely to divorce than parents of boys. Nevertheless, this only applies to first-born children between the ages of 13 and 18. Ultimately, it varies from case to case. There are some periods of your child’s life that can pose a challenge for your relationship. For example, when they are babies, they require a lot of attention and care. Some couples tend to grow closer during this period, although in a slightly different role, and others might feel like they are losing personal space or that they lack intimacy with their spouse.

Is It Hard To Divorce When You Have Children?

While divorce is never easy, it can be especially difficult when you have children. This is because you not only have to deal with your own emotions – your children are affected as well. Additionally, you will need to figure out a custody arrangement that works for both you and your ex-partner. If you don’t have issues in communicating with your ex, this may not be too difficult. However, if there is conflict, it can make the process much more challenging.

Should I Stay In An Unhappy Marriage For My Child?

There is no easy answer to this question. Of course, it depends on the individual situation and what is best for your child. If you are in an unhappy marriage, it is important to consider how this is affecting them. For example: 

• Are they witnessing fights between you and your spouse? 
• Are they being neglected? 
• Are they being emotionally or physically abused?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, it may be time to consider splitting up for everyone’s sake. While it is never easy to end a marriage, sometimes it is necessary for the well-being of your child. It may be better to divorce and provide them with stable home life. If you have given up on saving your relationship and reconnecting with your spouse after separation, it’s probably best to move on.

How Do You Separate Amicably With Children?

If you are working on an amicable separation or divorce, there are a few things you can do to make the process easier on your children. 

Communicate Openly

First, try to keep communication open with your ex-partner. This will help to ensure that you are both on the same page when it comes to parenting. Additionally, be sure to explain the situation to your children in an age-appropriate way. Finally, make sure they know that they’re not responsible for the divorce and that you both still love them.

Make a Parenting Plan

It is important to continue acting as a team and create a plan. This will help to provide stability for your children and ensure that their needs are being met. Try to be flexible when creating the plan as things may change in the future. Additionally, make sure to involve your children in the process and listen to their suggestions if they are age appropriate.  If there is alot of anger an resentment between you and your soon to be ex – TRY to put that aside when you are focusing on the health of your children.  It can seem like a tall order – and it is – expecially if you are the one who is being left however if you don’t do this, the challenges your children will have in the future are going to be monumental. 

Set A Positive Example

The divorce is not the end of your parenting role and make sure your children know that.  Try to set a positive example by remaining civil with your ex-partner and cooperating on parenting decisions. It’s important not to hold grudges, even if infidelity was in the mix. Additionally, encourage your children to express their feelings and be there for them when they need you.

Draw Healthy Boundaries

Even though you’re still parenting your children, it’s important to draw healthy boundaries with your ex-partner. This means that you should not discuss personal matters or argue in front of your children. Additionally, try to avoid badmouthing your ex-partner to them. Finally, make sure to respect their time with their other parent. 

Take Care of Yourself

Finally, remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time. This means taking time for your own emotional needs and seeking support if necessary. Additionally, try to maintain a positive outlook and focus on the future. Doing so will help you to better cope with the situation and be there for your children. Of course, it will strengthen you over time and you’ll be more likely to move on to a new healthy relationship.

When Separating Or Considering A Divorce, How Can A Remote Relationship Coach Help? 

If you are considering divorce or are in the process of divorcing, a remote relationship coach can help. PIVOT relationship advocates can provide you with much necessary guidance and support during this difficult time. Additionally, they can offer advice on how to communicate with your ex-partner, help you establish an amicable way of cooperation, and navigate the emotional turmoil of separation. Finally, they can help you overcome anxiety, depression, and guilt that can be overwhelming during the initial phase of coping with divorce. Our experience-based retreat programs for couples are designed to deepen and recover intimacy in different stages of their relationship. Finally, we also have opportunities for individual coaching sessions, where you can work on your attachment style and develop a healthier outlook on relationships and life in general. Give us a call today!

It can be tough to think about moving on after divorce. Whether you have been married for years or for a shorter period, the thought of starting over can be daunting. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Millions of people are dealing with divorce anxiety, and many have successfully managed to overcome it and start fresh.

If you’re wondering whether you should wait to date after your divorce, or how to start a new relationship, we’ve got some tips to help you.

Should I Wait Until My Divorce Is Final Before Dating?

This is a question that might not have a simple answer. In some cases, it might be best to wait until the divorce is finalized, before dating again. This can help you avoid any complications that might arise if you start seeing someone new while you’re still legally married.

On the other hand, there’s no rule set in stone that says you have to wait. If you’re ready to start dating again, go for it! Just be honest with yourself and with any potential partners about your current situation. You may want to pick a slow pace and not rush into anything too serious or too soon.

What Happens If You Date Too Soon After Divorce?

You may encounter several different scenarios: 

• If you start dating before you’re truly ready, it’s possible that you might attract someone who shares similar pain. This can lead to problems down the road and make you feel discouraged as you may draw conclusions that all relationships are going to turn bad eventually.
• It’s also possible that you’ll rush into a new relationship without taking the time to learn from your past mistakes. You may come across as desperate for affection or too clingy. This can lead to repeating the same patterns in your new relationship, and further disappointment down the road.
• You may have to consider the fact that you have other responsibilities, like sharing custody of your children after divorce. Many parents are reluctant to enter a new relationship for this reason too as they worry about how their children will accept the fact that their parent has a new partner. 

If you’re not sure whether you’re ready to start dating again, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional. They can help you work through your feelings and help you figure out what’s best for you.

Is The First Relationship After Divorce Always A Rebound?

A rebound relationship can be a way to help yourself heal from the pain of your divorce. However, it’s no secret that rebound relationships don’t always work out in the long run. This is because they’re often based on insecurity and fear of abandonment that come with being single. If you haven’t worked out your feelings about your past marriage, you might want to wait before jumping into a new relationship.

Still, it’s worth asking if every relationship after divorce is actually a rebound. Some people may feel like they have left the past behind, so their new dating life might seem like something completely new, unrelated to their divorce. This might be true if you have had a relatively amicable breakup and found a way to communicate with your ex constructively. 

Nevertheless, you may also realize at some point that you are repeating some of the unhealthy patterns in your new relationship. You may consider it a wake-up call and a chance to make a positive change in your life. 

Who Moves On Faster After Divorce?

It’s a common misconception that men don’t wait that long after divorce to start dating when compared to women. Surprisingly or not, this simply isn’t true. Approximately three out of four women will move on faster than their ex-husbands. 

The whole truth is that everyone moves at their own pace. Some people are ready to start dating again immediately after their divorce, while others need some time to heal and recover first.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with a divorce. The important thing is to do what’s best for you. If you’re not ready to date again, that’s OK! Just take things one day at a time and focus on taking care of yourself.

How Do I Start A New Relationship After Divorce?

There are many ways that you can encourage yourself to start exploring new frontiers, after you’ve dealt with divorce depression and guilt. 

Wait Until The Proceedings Are Final

This is important because  you don’t want to start a new relationship while you’re still married. It can complicate things and potentially lead to problems down the road.

Be Honest About Your Situation

When you start dating again, it’s important to be upfront and honest about your current situation. This includes letting your date know that you’re going through a divorce if it is not final. Honesty is always the best policy, especially when it comes to dating.

Take Things Slow

When you’re starting out, it’s important to take things slow. This gives you time to get to know the person you’re dating and to make sure that things are going to work out. There’s no need to rush into anything!

Socialize, Join Clubs, Try Dating Apps

There are many ways to meet new people. You can socialize in new places, or try out dating apps. However, you might want to be careful. Another idea is to join a club or a group that shares your interests. This can be a great way to find someone you connect with and potentially start a new relationship.

Can Relationship Coaching Retreat For Singles Help Me Deal With Divorce Anxiety? 

If you’re finding it difficult to cope with the end of your married life, we offer valuable divorce sources and supportive services.  Our divorce support groups are a great way to connect with other people who are dealing with similar issues.

We also offer individual coaching sessions to work through your guilt and anxiety and start moving on with your life. Our relationship advocates are experienced in dealing with the unique challenges that come with divorce and separation, and can offer valuable insight and guidance. We also offer intensive experience-based workshops for married couples who wish to work on their reconnection. For example, if you wish to reconcile and salvage your marriage after separation, we can help.

If you’re interested in exploring these options, please don’t hesitate to contact us. We’re here to help you through this difficult time, and we’ll do everything we can to support you.

Having endured years of challenges, you probably expect instant relief from the constant drama with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. Nevertheless, as you’ve probably realized, it’s not that easy. Having a healthy divorce isn’t an impossible venture, especially when you both agree to move on with your life and leave the resentment behind.  

However, dealing with divorce guilt and resentment can be difficult, and people choose different ways to cope with it. That being said, some approaches are simply unhealthy or not worthwhile, and can stem from unresolved personal issues in the past. 

One way to avoid further misunderstanding and to heal is to find an effective means of communication during the process. Keep on reading to learn how to part ways somewhat peacefully and keep the conversation open during the process.  

How Do You End A Marriage Peacefully?

Prospects of an amicable divorce largely depend on your willingness to let go of the past resentment, the readiness to take responsibility for your own actions, and the acceptance of your own and the independence of your spouse. You may enter this process of separation without actually aiming to end your marriage, yet you may suddenly realize that it’s the best thing to do. Either way, the key to a peaceful separation lies in communication. 

Try to set some ground rules to keep your communication flowing smoothly. Consider the following tips: 

Avoid Unnecessary Communication

You may tend to reach out to your ex too often or try to get in touch with them when it’s not necessary. While this may be your way of dealing with the guilt or pain, it can have an adverse effect on your spouse, especially if they need some time apart. If you still want to communicate with your spouse, make sure to do it only when it’s absolutely necessary. This is typically if you have a history of bitter arguments.  If you have children together, come up with a plan you both agree on to spend time with them separately and if you can, also with them together. 

Pick The Best Mode Of Communication

Some people prefer to communicate in person, while others find it easier to communicate via text message or email. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to choosing the best mode of communication. It all depends on what works best for you and your ex-spouse. AND, you will most likely need to compromise.

Reduce Your Time On Social Media

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it allows you to stay in touch with your friends and family members who live far away. On the other hand, it can be a major source of drama, particularly if you’re going through a divorce.

If you find yourself spending too much time on social media, it may be time to take a break. This will not only provide you with some much-needed self-care, it will also assist you in avoiding any unpleasant conflict with your ex-spouse. And, whatever you do, be healthy and refrain from mentioning the divorce or challenges on social media for anyone to see.  This can really harm a family system.

Avoid Arguments And Angry Outbursts

When you’re communicating with your ex-spouse, it’s important to avoid any arguments or angry exchanges of words. If you find yourself getting upset, take a step back and calm down before continuing the conversation. 

You don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, it’s perfectly normal to disagree on certain things, especially when you’re going through a marital breakup. What’s important is that you remain respectful of each other’s opinions and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Stop Digging Up The Past

If you want to move on from your divorce, it’s important to stop dwelling on the past. This means that you need to avoid bringing up old arguments or disagreements. It’s also important to let go of any resentment or bitterness that you may be feeling, even when infidelity has contributed to your split. 

Holding onto negativity will only hinder your ability to communicate effectively. Consider the bigger picture and keep your mind on the future, regardless of how uncertain it may seem. 

Keep Other Family Members Out Of It 

When you’re getting divorced, it’s important to keep your family members out of the loop. Avoid involving them in any arguments or disagreements that you may have with your ex-spouse. If you have children, it’s also important to pick an adequate way to talk about divorce with them and minimize the shock it may produce. 

Can You Talk To Your Spouse During A Divorce?

Talking to each other is key to keeping things civil and honest. However, if there are still too many painful things that need to be addressed and resolved, it might be wise to proceed with caution. If your conversations used to be centered around confrontation, anger, and shaming, you may need some time to step back and take a deep breath. 

What Do You Talk About During A Divorce?

It might make sense to write a list of topics you can discuss without repeating the cycle of negative exchange. Although there might be some topics that are off-limits, in general, you may try to communicate with your ex-spouse about the following:

• Your schedule, custody, and parenting plan
• Financial concerns
• Legal aspects of your divorce
• Emotional support for yourself and your children

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex-spouse, you may want to consider hiring a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who can assist you in resolving any disagreements that you may have. Another option is to let your lawyers do the talking. This can be beneficial if you’re not able to have a civil conversation with your ex-spouse.

Should You Stay In Touch With Your Ex?

The question of whether it’s good or bad to end all contact with your ex also depends on the nature of your relationship. If you have separated or divorced on amicable terms and have to share parental responsibilities, it is typically best to have a channel of communication open. If your relationship was and still is fraught with anxiety, guilt, avoidance, and toxic behavior in general, it might be better to keep a healthy distance. 

Can You Be Friends After Getting Divorced?

Finally,  it’s important to ask yourself if you can be friends with your ex after getting divorced. In some cases, it may be possible to develop a friendship, whereas in other cases, it might be best to move on and focus on your own life.

The decision of whether or not to be friends with your ex is a personal one. There is no right or wrong answer. You’ll need to decide what’s best for you, based on your own situation and relationship.

Can I Get Help Dealing With Divorce Guilt From a Relationship Coach Online?

Finding a healthy way to communicate, and to have a constructive, adult conversation, rather than delve into conflict isn’t likely to be learned overnight. When you want to PIVOT from your old ways and lead a more fulfilling life, our relationship coaches can help you with individual coaching in a live or online setting. We also have ample experience helping couples with a number of intensive workshops aimed at restoring intimacy in their relationship, improving their communication, or helping them accept their differences. 

If you’re going through divorce trauma, or can’t let go of the resentment and grief, you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances. Give us a call and we’ll accompany you on your journey to recovery.

Infidelity is without a doubt one of the most difficult things you can encounter in a marriage or in a long-term relationship. It can completely destroy the trust you have in your partner and do great harm to your intimate relationship. However, whether it’s going to end in a marital breakup depends on a multitude of things. 

While it may seem like a drastic action to pursue, divorce is often the only adequate answer to address emotional neglect, and infidelity. Coping with a divorce after infidelity may pose yet another challenge, as it often uncovers some deeply entrenched insecurities and unhealthy emotional and behavioral patterns. Often, it ends up being equally painful for the unfaithful spouse as for the one that is cheated on. Here you’ll be able to take a look at this problem from different angles. 

Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity?

This is a good question to ask, as not all people react in the same way to their partner cheating on them. While many choose to draw the line and separate, many still decide to make a compromise for the sake of their children and career, the realization that the “lack of trust” started before the betrayal and both partners have contributed to the downfall, and/or to preserve their feeling of stability. It’s worth asking if you forgive your unfaithful husband or wife, will you stand a chance, and will things get back to normal? 

Can A Marriage Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

Wondering how to stop divorce and desperately seek gettng things back to normal might seem harder than expected. You may not know how to cope with divorce, especially when it’s unwanted. In truth, people who are too afraid of leaving their spouse due to infidelity might turn a blind eye. Unfortunately, this can turn into a vicious cycle that can end up repeating itself.  

How Does Cheating Affect Divorce? 

It all depends on how far you went with your emotional breakup. If you have already separated physically and emotionally, it can only serve as a final indication that you might not get back together. It may speed up the legal aspect of the process. The unfaithful spouse could end up with some legal consequences – depending on where they live and what the laws are.  There are also psychological effects that divorce has on both parties. It can be accompanied by grief, guilt, anxiety, anger, and identity crisis.

Should You Divorce An Unfaithful Partner?

That is your call.  It is important for you to look at yourself,  your partner, and the relationship from a Whole Perspective – at PIVOT we use that term to define; spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, and financial.  Divorce may sound like the only feasible option if your partner is emotionally neglectful, abusive, and has cheated on you. In other words, if this is just an example of repeated and persistent behavior, your relationship is most likely in question. However, things can be much more nuanced. You could be dealing with emotional and financial, not strictly sexual infidelity. Whether their unfaithfulness was a one-time fling or a series of affairs, accepting that your marriage is over is not easy. And, do you play any role in what has happened?  

Your decision might depend on whether the following statements are true or not:

• Your partner doesn’t show or feel remorse for their actions
• You still have strong and genuine emotions for each other
• They are still in contact with the person they cheated on you with
• Whether they’re ready to accept their share of responsibility and actively work to improve your relationship
• Whether you are willing to patiently work with them and recuperate the relationship 
• Whether you can still imagine each other fulfilling your roles in the relationship
• Whether or not you are able to look at your part in the spiral down

Although it might be a blow to your self-esteem, a fair estimate by your spouse might be that you’re drifting apart. They might suggest that you take a break, separate, or try out an open relationship. Either way, it’s up to you to weigh the prospects of each scenario and see whether you can stand the test of time. 

Is An Affair The End Of A Marriage?

An affair doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of your marriage. However, it can be the start of a period of a marital crisis that can end in splitting up, divorcing, or reconciliation. Both infidelity and divorce are traumatic events that can disrupt your everyday life – how you see yourself, the trust you had in your spouse, and how you relate to people around you. Moreover, it’s hard to say whether your relationship will recover if you decide to stay married. 

Affairs usually serve the purpose of reviving the feeling of early infatuation. It’s usually there to add excitement to your emotional and sexual life, to fulfill the needs that are not met in your marriage, active addition to substances or relationships, and most of the time includes untreated trauma. Most affairs can be prevented if you’re truthful and cater to the excitement in your own relationship and treat any mental health related challenges..  

Understand that often, affairs happen because childhood attachment wounds drive desperate behavior to have connection.  When relationships get to the point where they become routine and it’s “not enough” to fulfill the wounds of the past, some people turn to others to fulfill the unmet longing.  Then the partner who is cheated on will want to divorce, which is understandable because of the betrayal, and the partner who cheated repeats the pattern of being abandoned and neglected.  It’s a relational cycle that is painful until the wounds are treated. 

Can You Have An Amicable Divorce After Infidelity? 

Infidelity might be only a symptom of underlying issues and it’s a good question if there’s room for a healthy divorce. If you decide to approach your marriage with an open heart, you may see signs that things weren’t going well for a longer time than you’d initially assume. However, even when one of you feels betrayed, there might be a chance for a healthy and amicable divorce.  

This TAKES TIME.  It’s hard to access compassion when you are betrayed. And, over time, if the person who has betrayed the other understands their “why”, then there may be a opening for understanding.  

Recognize Your Differences

While you don’t have to automatically forgive your partner for cheating on you, you can start by accepting that you have different views and needs. However painful it might be, you may come to realize that you no longer tick all the boxes for each other. While you were functioning just fine in the past, you could’ve changed so much that you no longer recognize the other person. And, there may be untreated trauma that is driving the behavior. 

Focus On Your Needs

Be frank about your needs and seek out resources that will help you cope with the situation. Try not to play the blame game and adapt to the situation instead. It is most likely going to be challenging, so you need to take time, breathe, and respect your tempo. It’s a tall order to not play the blame game so, after you spend sometime getting your justifiable anger released, you can focus on your needs.

Use The Opportunity To Learn

It’s probably not the best idea to try to retaliate by entering a rebound relationship. Use your new single life as a position where you can learn about your emotions. Although painful, it may be a milestone that can further strengthen your self-esteem. You can think of it as a personal project or one major exam in your lifelong journey of self-growth. Whether you have a habit or not, write a diary of your thoughts and feelings, and monitor your progress.  LEARN from your experience regardless of which side of the coin you are on.  If you jump into something new, you might miss the lesson. 

Communicate & Cooperate

Keep the communication with your ex open and honest. If you have to co-parent, you’ll want to do your best to act as a united parental unit, with the goal that your children get the best of the new situation. It will be challenging, yet you all deserve to get healthier from the trauma.  It is HARD to co-parent after you have been cheated on.  And, it doesn’t seem fair that you have to communicate and be honest with someone who has betrayed you. However, if you don’t put your kids first, you will end with with complicated challenges that can create more problems in the long run. 

Find Support

Infidelity and divorce are emotionally charged events that can be overwhelming for an individual to handle. While you may know examples of people who have divorced or survived their partner’s infidelity with the appearance that it is no big deal, know this…you don’t have to suffer in silence. Find someone you can talk to, and lean on support from family, friends, or professionals. Allow yourself time to heal. 

How Do You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity?

If you have decided that staying together and working on your marriage is worth it, you may want to focus on the following: 

• Discover the WHY – why did this happen?
• Allow for time to heal.  Have realistic expectations
• Work actively on your common ground and what brought you together
• Be willing to question some of your own views and impulses
• Put effort into reviving your passion and finding what you love in one another
• Plan quality time together and encourage romantic gestures
• Gain better insight into the distractions and things that pull you away from each other
• Get a better grasp of your time and plan ahead
• Surprise each other and encourage spontaneity

Where Can I Learn How To Cope With Divorce Or Resolve Intimacy Problems In My Relationship?

There’s no need to go through the guilt and aggravation of divorce on your own. Relationship coaches at PIVOT have ample knowledge to assist you through one-on-one sessions designed for divorced individuals. With our help, you may uncover hidden patterns of behavior, thinking, and feeling, and find ways to break away from the cycles of failed relationships and disappointment. We can help with co-creating parenting plans regardless of if you stay together or not.  Long-term couples who are seeking ways to renew intimacy and passion after physical separation or emotional detachment can rely on Glass House intimacy in marriage intensives. 

With many years of experience, we’d be happy to accompany you on your journey to a healthier mindset. To find out more about our programs and how we can accommodate you, don’t hesitate to contact us today!