Author: Lori Jean Glass

Online dating has opened up new opportunities. However, it’s also made the modern dating world more complex. While dating apps provide the opportunity to meet a wider range of people, they also bring some unique challenges of their own. One of them is the phenomenon of ghosting. While ghosting doesn’t happen in online dating exclusively, this form of communication makes it easier to disappear without a trace. 

Find out what exactly is ghosting, why it happens, and if it can be one of the love avoidant symptoms. You’ll learn more about this common behavior and understand how to cope with it more successfully if you experience it.

Let’s face it – ghosting sucks. For some, they just play the dating game and move on with a laugh.  Those people are not reading this blog! 

What Is Ghosting?

Ghosting is a part of modern dating lingo that means that someone’s disappeared from your life all of a sudden and without warning or any explanation. You may be thinking that your relationship is going well and then the other person unexpectedly goes on radio silence. They may stop responding to your messages or even block you online.

If you’re being ghosted, it’s normal to feel confused, hurt, and betrayed. You may have opened up to the person and started to develop feelings for them, so it’s understandable for this kind of behavior to catch you off guard. Because you can’t have closure, you may keep thinking about the person and wondering if you’ve done something wrong. 

How Long Before You Call It Ghosting?

Every relationship is different, so it’s impossible to give a clear-cut answer to this. Since you know how long it usually takes the person to respond to your calls or messages, you’ll probably realize that something’s wrong if they haven’t reached out for longer. In general, a few days without getting back to you can probably be explained away. However, anything longer than that may be a cause for concern.

What Is Caspering In Dating?

Caspering is one of the newest phrases coined and mostly used by the users of online dating apps. It’s similar to ghosting because a person stops communicating with someone they’ve been in contact with up until that moment. 

However, caspering is a gentler form of ghosting because they don’t just start ignoring you out of the blue. Instead, they only sever the ties after they’ve let you know how they really feel. People who casper wish to end things amicably, so they’ll tell you why they think things won’t work out between you. Although it may still be hurtful, caspering is not as unhealthy as ghosting because it gives you closure.

Why Do People Ghost?

There are a couple of reasons why a person may ghost you:

• It’s more convenient for them: Telling someone you’re not into them romantically is usually uncomfortable for both parties. People who ghost want to spare themselves the discomfort by avoiding this situation altogether. They take the easy way out by simply stopping all contact. However, the problem is that they don’t factor in the other person’s feelings. They rely on the idea that you’ll put two and two together on your own.
• They have other options: Because of the nature of online dating, people are exposed to more potential partners than ever before. Many people communicate superficially with many people at the same time. They can easily dismiss someone because they’re looking into many different opportunities and they’re overwhelmed with the variety. 
• They aren’t ready to commit: It may be a matter of avoiding deeper connection. Some people prefer keeping their interactions at a superficial level and escape the relationship before it goes anywhere meaningful. 

What Does Ghosting Say About A Person?

Generally speaking, ghosting stems from selfishness. People typically do it because it’s easier and more comfortable for them while at the same time showing disregard for the other person’s feelings. 

These people may be showing signs of emotional immaturity because they’re willing to hurt the other person to avoid an unpleasant conversation. They also exhibit a lack of respect and empathy for others as they act in their own best interest without considering others. 

How Do You Deal With Ghosting In A Relationship?

Most people have trouble letting go of relationships that ended without real closure. Ghosting may make you fixate on the person, thinking of all the things you could have done differently to keep them interested. It may have you going over your conversations in your head over and over again trying to think of explanations. However, this will only keep you going in circles without getting any answers.

In a way, overcoming ghosting is similar to getting over a messy breakup. Here are a few things you can do to make it easier on yourself:

• Although it may be tempting, don’t try to contact the person. This likely won’t be productive and it may keep you from exploring other opportunities and meeting other people.
• Don’t assume that you’ve done something wrong to drive them away. Ghosting is likely a result of their emotional immaturity and selfishness. 
• Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal and engage in activities that bring you joy, like hobbies and socializing with friends.
• See what you can learn from the experience. You may want to distance yourself from dating apps for a while or take a different approach to dating in general.

Who Can Teach Me Healthy Tactics For Coping With Love Addiction Withdrawal?

If you’ve had an experience with ghosting and would like to find a new love afterward, reach out to PIVOT. Thanks to our helpful and carefully crafted individual coaching sessions, you can get a better understanding of your past experiences with unavailable people and pave the way for a successful romantic relationship. We also provide assistance to people in relationships as part of our customized couples coaching program. For example, if you’d like to know how to get along with each others’ friends or discover if marriage is the best next step to take as a couple, we can help. Give us a call to book a spot!

OK, so you’ve been in a relationship for some time. There comes a point when you or your partner start thinking about taking the next step. When this happens, you’re either ready or you’re not.  And, that is true for your partner too.  

Commitment in a relationship comes in many forms.  The meaning of commitment is hopefully discussed prior to committing to a partner! Some people want long term marriage, others do not want to get married, and the list goes on. 

This blog is about transitioning into marriage when both partners initially say they want marriage however may be reluctant now that the relationship has progressed. 

If you truly love your partner and you’re certain of it, a relationship coaching retreat for a couple can help you understand what that block is.

How Long Am I Supposed To Date Before Marriage?

The readiness for marriage is different for most people. Trust has alot to do with it.  Trusting your own decisions, trusting love, and trusting that this is your person.  For some couples, a year is enough to realize their unequivocal commitment to each other. For others, it could be half a year and they’re off to get married, only to spend many years of happiness together. 

However, there are also couples and people who may take a little while longer to decide to tie the knot and make the vow to spend the rest of their lives with another person. And that’s perfectly reasonable as well. We’re all different and we all operate in different rhythms.

However, deciding to get married requires both you and your partner to get to know yourselves on a deeper level.  Both independently and together.  How do your past experiences inform your views on relationships?  Do your wants and needs line up?  

Finally, it could be a good idea to wait until your relationship exits your “romantic” phase and transitions into your real-world chapter. This is when true love and commitment form and when you begin to understand whether you really love someone with your whole being and want to spend the entirety of your life with them. 

How Do I Know If I’m Ready For Marriage?

The truth is that people who step into marriage and have healthy, lasting, experiences know one important fact.  Commitment is the driving force that makes it work – and the ability to stay because of that commitment.  The feelings of love will come and go in a long term relationship. 

That still leaves the question of how to know you’re actually ready for marriage unanswered. Honestly, how can you know you’d be ready to begin this new chapter in your life if you’re questioning your readiness in the first place? 

Even if you’re completely unaware that you might actually be more than ready to take your relationship further, you can start paying attention to the following signals: 

• You realize that you actually do want to spend your future with your partner.  You enjoy each others company and have similar interests. 
• You feel a deep connection with your other half and respect who they are.
• You trust, know, and truly love your significant other and can feel the reciprication. 
• You haven’t thought about changing your partner. 
• You’re good with making various long-term plans together.
• You’re comfortable with your other half being around your family and friends and having their own interests outside of you.
• You understand their past and what challenges they face when it comes to relationships.
• You cannot imagine your future without them at your side. 

Why Do I Not Feel Ready For Marriage?

Knowing if you’re not ready for marriage is just as important as knowing you are. It’s OK not to be ready, and the first thing you have to know is that you’re not at fault for not being prepared for marriage. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong for feeling this way – you’re not. You are who you are, and each of us is ready at different points in our lives. 

However, the problem that may arise is getting your partner to understand that you love them even though you’re not ready for the next step. Not being ready for marriage doesn’t mean there’s no longer love. You just might not be in the right place at the moment, and that’s not something to feel bad about. 

On the other hand, it’s easy to succumb to the pressures of various people around you and simply get on with it because “it’s time” or because “it’s the right thing to do” or because “you’ve been together for so long”. 

That’s why it’s important to know the common telltale signs of not being in a place to get married: 

• You seem to be more concerned with the wedding itself than life with your partner. 
• You realize that you still don’t completely place your trust in your partner. 
• You can’t picture yourself raising a child at this point in your life if having a family is something your partner wants soon. 
• You’re challenged making compromises with your significant other. 
• You feel like other people are putting pressure on you to get married. 
• You find your mind wandering if this relationship is the right one for you. 

What To Do If I’m Not Ready For Marriage?

Be honest with yourself and try to find out why you’re not ready to take the leap. Maybe you’re not ready for the institution of marriage, or maybe you feel like your partner’s not the right fit for you. 

Whatever the reason is, it’s up to you to look deep into yourself and try to understand it. After being honest with yourself, it’s time to be honest with your partner and tell them why you’re not ready to marry them. 

This can be a tough conversation and you might want to find professional help to handle this. However, it’s a conversation you need to have. Be honest, true to yourself, and open with your partner. 

PIVOT’s Relationship Coaching Retreat For A Couple Will Help You Understand If You’re Ready For Marriage

Marriage is a big deal, and not everybody’s ready for it at the same time. You might want to jump into it, certain of your love, or you might be scared of losing your passion once you get married and becoming increasingly complacent as the marriage progresses. 

There are also other situations where you simply don’t believe marriage is the right choice. For example, you and your partner might be on the verge of a breakup only to attempt and glue it all together by taking the next step. Or you just aren’t feeling it, and that’s completely fine. No one can force you to tie the knot. However, you might only be scared and unable to let go of your life right now and open up to all the great things marriage can bring. If that might be the case, PIVOT’s here for you. Our individual workshops can help you work on your own issues, while our couple retreats are perfect for resolving problems in your relationship. Schedule your appointment today!

For some people, the period leading to their breakup is the toughest. For others, it’s going through the actual breakup and dealing with the aftermath. For all of them though, it’s the getting back into the game that is often most difficult.  Depending on why you broke up, it is often hard to trust again and jump back into the pursuit. 

Suffering the emotional turmoil that breakups inevitably cause can leave all of us significantly scarred and scared to move forward and find love again. However, it’s important to move at your own pace, listen to yourself, and get over your breakup when you can. You can even learn how to heal and find love again at a relationship coaching retreat for singles by understanding yourself better and embracing positive change.

Is It Possible To Find Love After A Breakup?

A breakup’s nowhere near the end of the road, not by a long shot. No matter your age, needs and wants, fears and strengths, know this – love’s out there, waiting for you to find it. You can risk missing out on love if you shut down from resentment, depression, and fear.  

While you may need some time to get over your breakup before looking for love, there are certain considerations to keep in mind: 

• It’s not a good idea to jump into a new relationship too soon. Give yourself some time to heal and become truly ready to find love again. 
• Get clarity on what your wants and needs are.  Now that you have learned more about yourself, really spead time considering what your want and needs are.  If you have attachment scars and wounds from past relationships – including your own family of origin – look at what is realistic to want and what you need to avoid more pain.  Realistic expectations are key.  This is where a relationship coach can be helpful.  
• Don’t avoid your friends and family when you’re feeling down. Talking to them will help you feel better and help you believe you deserve your wants and needs.  They can inspire you to soon be excited about finding love again. 
• Stay away from past relationship reminders, as they can get you back into your negative state all too quickly and stop you from realizing new love is possible.  
• Nurture your own mental health to prevent yourself from falling into a downward spiral of despair, thinking you won’t experience the joy of love again. Reaching out to a relationship coach may be helpful to start the recovery process.

How Do I Heal A Broken Heart?

Getting over a breakup’s one thing. Healing a broken heart is something entirely different. 

When a new person comes along, you may realize that your heart’s far from mended. You simply can’t feel what you want or hope to feel, and you may find that opening up to a potential new partner is more challenging than you imagined. 

You may find the following helpful to access positive energy which can help shift some of the residual pain. 

• Find a new source of fun, joy, and happiness other than being in a relationship. Learn to love yourself again. 
• Create a list stating all the things you love about yourself and the features you hope to improve.
• Freely express your fears, feelings, and needs to those close to you and allow yourself to heal through sharing. 
• Avoid participating in activities that could remind you of your ex or your breakup, however, don’t run away from acknowledging your feelings. 
• Turn to a relationship coach who can help you make better sense of everything you’re going through. 

How Long Does It Take To Find Love After A Breakup?

There’s no answer to the amount of time it takes to find your love. However, know is can be difficult to find new love without actually starting to look for it. Know that you can’t hope to experience love without being ready to experience it. Know that you won’t find love without healing your heart and being open to new experiences, people, and feelings. 

That can take as long as you need. Sometimes, you may feel well healed, and happy, and you may have left your past woes behind. You’re just not ready to love again and to share moments, dreams, and hopes. That is ok!  TAKE YOUR TIME.  You are in charge of that clock – no one else is.

Focus on yourself, your openness, readiness, and willingness to love and be loved again. That way, you’ll be truly ready for a new relationship and all the incredible feelings it brings. Don’t push it away when you find it – recognize it and embrace it. And remember that those who have loved have hurt, and have also loved again. 

How Do I Start A New Relationship After A Breakup?. 

When you’re truly ready to be open and experience the joy of support, sharing moments, and looking forward to the future together, it’s time to find love again. When that time comes, there’s a lot you can do to make your new beginning easier: 

• Remember to embrace a positive mindset and be open to new people.
• Be honest with yourself about what you want and don’t want from your partner. 
• Prevent yourself from comparing new people with your ex. 
• Take it slow and enjoy every step of getting to know somebody new again. 
• Be your most authentic self and allow others to appreciate you for everything that you are. 
• Give your new flame some time and give yourself some time as well. 
• Look at the positives of your potentially new person. 
• Don’t put up walls when entering a new relationship. 

PIVOT’s Here To Help You Facilitate A Relationship With Our Coaching For Singles

Know that couple coaching sessions and working on your relationship can be helpful to determine if you are in the right relationship.  And, at times know that a breakup could be inevitable. 

Know that’s not the end of the road. Allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need and that you’re going to get back up sooner than you might think. One day, you’ll find yourself ready to begin dating again and find the love of your life. And at that time, it’ll feel like the whole new world’s opened up to you. If you’re finding it hard to let go and move on, PIVOT’s here to help you. Our advocates are here to listen to you and resolve your issues at our individual workshops. They have the experience, expertise, and empathy to help you. Reach out to us today and schedule an appointment that suits you.

While it has become easier to connect to more people than ever thanks to the unprecedented popularity of online dating, many of the intricacies of the dating world nowadays leave people perplexed. Breadcrumbing is a particularly hurtful behavior that you could come up against while searching for that special someone. If you’d like to find out what it is and how to deal with it with the help of online relationship coaching, read on.

What Does Breadcrumbing Mean?

While the behavior it describes has been around forever, the term breadcrumbing is one of the newest additions to the dating jargon. Breadcrumbing means that someone is showing interest in you without becoming fully invested in the relationship. This person is effectively leading you on by providing you with the bare minimum of their time and effort, that is, breadcrumbs. 

What Are Some Examples Of Breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing usually happens in the first stages of a relationship, while people are just getting to know each other. It can also happen with an ex, especially if your relationship ended recently. It can take many forms, such as:

• Communicating inconsistently: They may shower you with different forms of attention one day and then ghost you for a while.
• Disappearing without explanation: They don’t tell you why they weren’t responding to your texts or calls, or provide an unconvincing excuse.
• Sending mixed messages: For example, they may like your posts on social media while not replying to your texts or returning your calls.
• Keeping you at arm’s length: Even though you’re communicating relatively regularly, they don’t reveal much about themselves. For example, they may routinely respond to your texts with emojis or memes instead of communicating in a meaningful way.
• Wriggling out of dates: They say they’d like to meet up while not setting specific dates and wriggling out of your attempts to schedule a date.
• Not being honest about only wanting a sexual relationship: They’re only interested in having sex without building emotional intimacy and they don’t disclose it openly.
• Showing up when you grow distant: If they feel you’re losing interest, they may start contacting you more frequently only to go MIA again after a while.

Why Does Someone Keep Breadcrumbing?

People leave breadcrumbs when they’re in two minds about the relationship. They aren’t entirely enthusiastic about pursuing it. However, they don’t want to completely dismiss it either. There are many reasons why someone would do this, like:

• They may be playing the field and holding off on the relationship in case someone else comes along.
• They could just be passing the time without any serious intentions.
• They may only want casual sexual encounters and not be after a relationship at the moment.
• They could be emotionally unavailable because they’re thinking about someone else.
• They may have intimacy issues that keep them from establishing deep, meaningful connections. 
• They may be stringing you along intentionally because your affection boosts their ego.
• If they’re an ex, they could be finding it difficult to move on while not willing to actually rekindle the romance.

Sometimes, while it may seem like the person is breadcrumbing, they may just be too afraid of rejection. They may be too insecure to let their feelings show, so they keep you at bay, waiting for you to make the next move. However, if this is the case, they will typically respond well to your attempts to set dates and build a more intimate connection.

Is Breadcrumbing Emotional Abuse?

Breadcrumbing can be deeply hurtful, confusing, and disorienting to the person who’s on the receiving end. Holding onto a breadcrumber isn’t only emotionally underwhelming and unsatisfying. It also keeps you from establishing a fulfilling, supportive relationship. 

Breadcrumbers may or may not be aware of how painful their behavior is. Some people don’t realize that the other person wants a deeper connection, so they feel like a superficial relationship suits both of them. Others may breadcrumb intentionally, so they can get sexual favors or an ego boost. 

Whatever the case, if you’re experiencing it, it’s advisable to find a healthy way to deal with it and stop getting hurt.

Can You Confront A Breadcrumber?

Yes, openly talking to the person about your relationship is one of the ways to find out what’s going on and potentially grow a deeper connection. You can tell them that it seems like you’re looking for different things in a relationship. Talk to them about what you expect and don’t feel like you’re getting. Also, ask them how they envision your relationship. If your ideas differ significantly, it’s better to go your separate ways. Otherwise, someone’s expectations may go unmet.

What To Do If Someone Is Breadcrumbing You?

There are several ways in which you can find out if the situation really is breadcrumbing and try to progress the relationship. For example, you could:

• Discuss the situation with them openly. If they aren’t up for the same level of commitment or say they are and nothing changes soon, it may be best to move on.
• Suggest the time and location for a date. If they cannot find the time for you or say yes and then cancel at the last minute, it’s a red flag.
• Clearly show that you’re interested. If they’re only shy and need some encouragement, they’ll be receptive to your advances.

How Can Coaching At The Glass House Center Help Me Overcome Breadcrumbing?

Here at PIVOT’s Glass House Center, you can attend personalized individual coaching to find out more about yourself and your relationship. You may explore your experience with breadcrumbing and realize how to build stronger, more lasting bonds with romantic partners.In addition, some of our workshops are attended by couples who wish to understand their relationship better. For example, you and your partner may be wondering why you’ve become so alike and would like to delve deeper into how you influence each other. Reach out to us and begin this revealing experience today!

Relationships face many challenges over the years. While infidelity can definitely be the death of a relationship, can thinking about another person have the same effect? If you’re in a committed relationship and you’re trying to make sense of your attraction to another person, read on. You’ll discover the reasons that may be causing this attraction, such as being in a love avoidant relationship, so that you can take the first step toward dealing with these challenges.

Why Am I Thinking About Someone Else While In A Relationship?

Feeling attracted to someone while you’re in a committed relationship can be confusing and troubling. However, this can happen to anyone and for many reasons, like:

• You’re excited by the newness of the situation: If you’ve been in an exclusive relationship for a while, the excitement of the honeymoon period is long gone. Sometimes, you may just be looking for a change, and your attraction for a new person provides you with the excitement you crave. However, you can often recreate the same sense of adventure within your existing relationship if you make some small changes and rekindle the passion.
• Something in your relationship isn’t working: You may not like the other person as much as you dislike an aspect of your relationship. Maybe there’s a long-standing issue in your relationship that you can’t seem to solve. Your interest in the new person may be a distraction from these disappointments. While your relationship is very real, with all its ups and downs, your crush is most likely a blank canvas that you can fill with fantasy of what you wish you had.  
• The other person is offering you something your partner isn’t: The other person may have attracted you by reminding you of something you lack in your relationship. For example, your partner may not show enough support for your ambitions and this person may seem very nurturing and supportive. 

Is Thinking About Someone Else Considered Cheating?

This depends on the partners’ views on fidelity. While some people draw the line at physical affection, others consider thinking about another person to be as serious. However, in most monogamous relationships, whether you think of it as cheating or not, finding out that your partner harbors intense romantic feelings for someone else is very hurtful.

Do I Need To Break Up With My Partner If I Have Feelings For Someone Else?

No, you don’t have to end your relationship because you’re attracted to another person. The attraction will likely die down if you don’t nurture it. There are also several things you could do to get over your crush and continue thriving in your current relationship. 

On the other hand, you may also decide to pursue a different path and further explore your relationship with the new person. In both cases, it’s important to be honest to both people and set things straight. This choice typically ends up producing more problems.  It never is quite like you think it will be.  Jumping from one relationship to another is not the best way to end a long-term relationship.  

What Do You Do If You’re In A Relationship And Like Someone Else?

Although it may seem counterintuitive, this newfound attraction can actually help your existing relationship. Yep, you read that right.  It can make you reflect on some important things about yourself, your expectations, and how your current partner fits into it. Here are some things to try:

• Give it some time: You need to give yourself some time to think about things and determine what the actual source of your attraction is. Does it signal that you’d like a change in your relationship? Is it only passing infatuation? Or maybe you could actually be a match? These questions are for you to answer, don’t rush it; however set some bottom lines for yourself.  If you don’t set some bottom lines, it could become physical and you may end up cheating on your partner.  This can bring devastating consequences. .
• See what you can learn from it: Reflecting on your crush can give you an invaluable insight into what you need and want from a relationship. You may become aware of some aspects of your relationship that are rubbing you the wrong way. You can then use this understanding to work on your bond with your partner.
• Keep your distance: If you decide that you want to stay in your current relationship, protect it by staying away from your crush. If possible, avoid meeting them or interacting with them online and in person.  No Contact. If you can’t help communicating with them, perhaps you work together, don’t try to charm them or connect with them on a deeper level. Although it’s difficult to stay away, this is the best way to get over them.  Please, get help if you don’t want to damage your committed relationship. 
• Try to make changes in your committed relationship: Once you’ve established that there’s room for improvement, talk to your partner openly and try to work on the challenges together. You’ll likely grow even closer when you share your feelings this way. Also, you’ll probably have your needs met more effectively. You’ll probably also find out what you could be doing to make your relationship stronger. 
• Channel the sexual energy into your relationship: Spice up your sex life or go on more dates to bring back some of the excitement of the initial stages of your relationship. This will give you a sense of newness and help you rediscover the things that made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.

Where Can I Find A Great Private Couple Retreat For Reconnection?

Thanks to our experience and compassion, PIVOT can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationship. Our tailored curriculum will make you think about your early experiences and how they’ve shaped the person you are today. If you’ve had a hurtful experience, such as breadcrumbing, you can learn important takeaways and how to avoid it in the future. Simply sign up for our client-centered coaching sessions for individuals.

If you’d like to approach your relationship challenges as a couple, we also offer comprehensive couples workshops where you can work on issues together. Our friendly relationship advocates will guide you through the process of growing stronger as a unit. Get in touch with us to start the exciting journey of healing and discovery!

Partners grow and change throughout their relationship and their personalities evolve over time. Romantic relationships are a big part of everyone’s life, so it’s only natural for them to shape people in major ways. Since you share so much of your experiences with your partner, developing in similar ways is common.

If you’d like to find out how your relationship can affect your personality, whether couples truly become more alike or different, and why this happens, read on. This may help you recognize unhealthy patterns in your or your partner’s behavior, such as avoiding intimacy in your relationship, and help you begin to work to establish a stronger connection.

Does Your Partner Affect Your Personality?

Yes, chances are that your partner will affect your personality, similarly to other people close to you. They’re a part of your everyday life and your close proximity could lead to unconsciously mimicking each other’s behavior. Your partner’s actions may also directly contribute to shaping your personality, both in positive and negative ways.

How Do Relationships Affect Personality?

Relationships could affect different aspects of your personality. When the influence is positive, it contributes to changing your unhealthy habits for the better. Your partner knows you very well and can spot unhealthy patterns you didn’t realize you had. They can also provide support in overcoming these issues. 

People can often adjust their behavior based on their partner’s example. This can manifest itself in little things, such as eating healthier, or major ones, like having better control of your emotions. Being happily in love is often an excellent agent of change because the positivity can spill over into other parts of your life. 

On the other hand, relationships may have detrimental effects on you as a person if they’re unhealthy. For example, having a jealous, overbearing partner can make a person more timid and insecure. Their anxiety may make their partner become withdrawn and feel cut off from the outside world. Unhealthy relationships often leave deep emotional scars, affecting the person’s self-esteem and making them vulnerable to further emotional abuse. 

Prior to Pivot, I had been on both sides of that dynamic and it was not fun.  And, that is an understatement.  It was painful, confusing, depressing and affected my own self-esteem in ways that I describe in the #Healthy Adult book.  The co-addictive tango dance of the overly anxious and avoidant individual in relationship is a pattern that we see a lot at our individual couples retreats.  Interestingly enough, they are typically two people who love each other however the unresolved relational wounds and trauma of the past, keeps them repeating the patterns in their committed relationships. So, personalities are definitely affected. Read on…

Do Couples Become More Similar Over Time?

Both everyday experience and research suggest that long-time partners truly do become more alike. This also occurs with family members and close friends. This is not a negative however it is interesting to understand because overtime, resentment might surface and blaming each other for losing your individuality  follows.  

Being similar may happen in multiple ways, such as:

• Using similar mannerisms: People often imitate the body language of those they interact with. This is done unconsciously, to establish better rapport, gain the other person’s trust, and form a connection. It comes as no surprise that you’d mimic your partner’s gestures and facial expressions. This could make you seem more alike to the people around you.
• Having some of the same habits: Partners usually adapt their pre-relationship routines to the other person’s schedule and habits. For example, you may grow accustomed to eating and going to bed at the same time, especially if you live together. Because you consider these things as a unit, you’ll likely have the same plans for the weekend or the holidays, too. 
• Saying the same phrases: You talk to your partner a lot, so you’re exposed to their speech patterns all the time. This inevitably leads to adopting some of the same sentence structures and other features of their way of speaking. What’s more, happy couples often have a well-developed language of their own, rich with inside jokes and idiosyncrasies. When you use these phrases around others, they may perceive you as more similar.
• Liking the same things: Your partner may introduce you to new things, which can alter your lifestyle in many different ways. For example, you may start having your morning coffee or eating your eggs differently. On a larger scale, as a result of their influence, you may change your social circle or rethink your career choice to be more in line with theirs. 
• Having similar topics of conversation: Since you go through many experiences together, you probably have similar anecdotes to share. For example, because you go on vacation as a family, you’ll have visited the same places and met the same people. This means you’ll probably have similar stories to relate to your friends back home.

Why Do Couples Start Acting Alike?

You spend a lot of time together and share your most intimate visions of the world, so many of their interests, opinions, and character traits will probably rub off on you, and vice versa. For example, through discussing everyday situations, you may easily adopt their views and interpretations. This goes for everything, from how you see the people around you to how you interpret current events.

Also, together you go through many profound changes, such as moving or having children. These milestones often have a similar impact on both of you, making you more alike. In addition, your partner’s reactions to them may shape the way you perceive them as well. For example, if they adjust to parenthood smoothly, you’ll be more likely to adopt their relaxed attitude and take these changes in your stride.

Finally, your partner is someone you respect and admire. You may model your behavior based on this positive example they’re setting either consciously or unconsciously. For example, you may like the way they communicate with people, so you in turn become friendlier and more open than you used to be. 

Again, this is good to have similarities however if you are feeling you are losing your own identity, you may want to find your way back to yourself.  Like I shared above, if you are starting to get resentful, get help before you feel like the only way to return to self is to leave the relationship.  And, that can be disruptive and create irreparable damage and unnecessary drama and trauma.  

How Can A Comprehensive Codependency Workshop Help My Relationship?

PIVOT provides in-depth, personalized assistance to people struggling with codependency or another issue affecting their relationship and overall well-being. If you’d like to work on an aspect of your relationship, such as a lack of passion or the fact that you’ve stopped having fun together, you could join our couples workshops to work out suitable solutions. We also offer individual sessions to help you strengthen your relationship to yourself and others. Here you can discover your attachment style, pinpoint the things you need in your relationship, find out how to respond to conflict, learn how to spot hurtful behavior, like breadcrumbing, and much more. If you’re experiencing a specific issue in your relationship, like fantasizing about someone else, we can help you explore it. Give us a call today!

The longer you’re in your relationship and the more you’re feeling the love and the security from your partner, the easier it is to allow your relationship to grow a bit stale. And that’s all normal at one point or another. It happens to many.

However, allowing this to go on can be detrimental to your relationship over an extended period of time. Enter dating as one of the best and most enjoyable methods for keeping your relationship fresh and exciting as ever. 

Try to date your partner a bit. Try to find enjoyment again. Try to become interesting to one another again, and most of all, try to love each other more and more. Also, don’t shy away from visiting a relationship building skills workshop for couples and working on your relationship.

What Is Dating In A Relationship?

You know how you used to go out to the movies or how you’d grab dinner at the restaurant in your town? Maybe you and your partner would go to jazz shows or comedy nights or double date with other interesting couples. Maybe you just liked to take long walks along the street after a meal, talking until the small hours of the night. That’s dating.

Can you remember the feeling you had when you and your partner used to do all those things? Remember the excitement of awaiting your significant other to arrive, and the enjoyment you’d get from spending time with them? That’s also dating. 

Dating is all the things you and your partner did before you entered your committed relationship. It’s also the things you did while in your relationship that gave you the feeling of enjoyment, warmth, and pleasure. It’s all the things you love doing together, and maybe all the things you forgot somewhere along your road to a long-term relationship. 

Why Is Dating In My Relationship Important?

Dating is important because it feels good. That’s the single biggest reason for dating your partner even when you might be years into your relationship. However, the importance of dating goes further than just allowing you to spend enjoyable moments together with your significant other. 

In fact, it’s this essence, the joy of dating that inspires all the other benefits of continually dating your partner no matter the amount of time you’ve spent together. 

It’s important to date your partner because: 

• Quality time together will strengthen your relationship.
• Dating will help you build your unity and also express your individuality to your partner.
• You’ll get a chance to reconnect with your significant other and eliminate the feeling of being two ships passing each other in the night.
• You’ll enhance and deepen your communication.
• Dating gives you ample opportunities to build new memories together.
• You have a chance to show your partner how much you care for them and that they’re your top priority.
• You and your partner will keep the flame of passion and romance burning bright for a long time.
• You’ll keep mixing it up, maintaining the freshness in your relationship.
• Both of you get a chance to show the depth of your love and affection.
• Dating means you’ll keep finding the time for each other.
• Dating also keeps you from getting bored.

How Often Do I Date My Partner?

Honestly, there isn’t a rule that says how often you and your partner need to date to keep the passion burning bright. For some couples, once a week is plenty, while for others, it’s either too little or too much. We can’t say that any of them are wrong, as being with someone means doing the things you enjoy when you enjoy them. 

However, date your partner as often as you can and in all the different ways you can think of. Dating your partner is more than just reserving a table at your favorite restaurant and going for a movie afterward. Dating your partner is also doing all the little things in between and showing just how much you care whenever you can. It’s the hand holding, the active listening, the simple gestures that you know your partner likes. 

The most important thing to know about the frequency of dating your partner is to remember. Remember to surprise them and remember the things they love. Remember the dates and remember the events. Remember to be there for them and remember to do all you can to make them feel special in a way you’d like them to make you feel. 

How Can I Continue To Date My Partner?

Continuing to date your partner even though you’ve been in your relationship for a long time is essential for maintaining the health of your relationship and keeping both you and your partner satisfied. 

If you’ve neglected this part of your relationship for one of numerous reasons, there’s no need to worry. Dating again is not difficult, although it does require some effort. Luckily, there’s plenty you can do to begin anew. 

9 Ways To Keep Dating Your Partner

The first and the most important advice when it comes to dating your partner is to start with what feels right for you and to do the things both of you enjoy doing. That being said, if you’re feeling stuck, it’s helpful to have a couple of pointers that’ll help you reignite the old spark: 

• Do all you can to practice your romance.
• Combine the familiar activities and create new and exciting ones you can enjoy all over again.
• Find the time to be truly with each other, not just spend time one beside the other. In other words, put it on the calendar!  
• Set aside time for date nights when you both feel like going, and even when you don’t.
• Remember to do all the little things.
• Openly communicate about your needs, both romantic and intimate.
• Find new activities you can enjoy together.
• Be mysterious with each other from time to time.
• Have fun with each other as often as possible and make each other laugh.

PIVOT’s Relationship Building Skills Workshops For Couples Will Teach You How To Keep Dating

Just because you’ve dated before doesn’t mean there’s no reason to keep dating your partner throughout your long-term relationship. Dating is a crucial aspect of both keeping the passion in your relationship alive and well and continually showing the love and the support your partner and you require. Dating is caring, loving, feeling, and much, much more. 

Unfortunately, saying “date your partner” is easier said than done. Both of you have your daily responsibilities, worries, ups and downs, your passions, hobbies, free time activities, and many other things. This can cause you to push your dating aside which, in turn, can lead to different issues, even you or your partner starting to think about other people.If you feel like your relationship is hitting a serious set of issues you cannot resolve on your own, PIVOT’s here to help you. Our expert advocates hold individual workshops for helping you find the spark again, as well as couple workshops designed to help you overcome your problems. Give us a call today and we’ll do everything we can to help!