Author: Lori Jean Glass

Sometimes, support and understanding are all we need from our partner. It’s easier to experience life’s lows if there’s someone to give you compassion, active listening, and empathy. On the other hand, if the support’s absent and nowhere to be found, things get tougher, tougher, and tougher. 

Do you and your partner ask each other the standard what’s up? How are you?  How’s it goin?  How was your day?  I’m curious – do you listen?   Do you tell?  Do you emotionally bomb one another?  Think about it for a minute and get honest with yourself. 

Do you discuss your individual problems, concerns, wants, and wishes? Are you there for each other when the times are confusing, complicated, and challenging? Are you their shoulder, and they yours?

That’s what support is, or at least what one aspect of it is. Not having it is one of the things that can cause a relationship to suffer. It can make it easy to start thinking about how to leave your toxic relationship. However, lack of support isn’t toxic, and it won’t become toxic if you try to work on it. There’s a lot you can do to change the tides of your relationship.

Why Is Support In A Relationship Important?

Supportive relationships are healthy relationships. They’re caring relationships. They’re empathetic relationships. Most of all, relationships in which partners experience mutual support are extremely important to your and their emotional and mental well-being. That’s one of the essential reasons it’s crucial to share your life with a partner who’s there to support you and the things you do.

Having a partner who’s there to provide all the different types of support you need enhances your quality of life and allows you to reach new heights, both individually and within your relationship. And it works both ways. It feels good to be the point of support for your partner as well, to see them tap into all the potential they didn’t think they had. 

However, the key lies in the mutual support. Only being on one end of it doesn’t cut it since support is important for both of you. And, it does not mean that your partner is solely responsible for your feelings.  You are. 

What Are The Important Aspects Of A Supportive Relationship?

Not all people know what it’s like to be in a relationship where you can truly rely on your partner. This is why the first step in your journey toward support is to explore what the aspects of such a relationship are. 

10 Elements Of A Supportive Relationship

All relationships are unique. However, when it comes to support, you’d be surprised at just how many similarities there are from one supportive relationship to another. After all, happiness shares common characteristics across all relationships and support is no different. 

Here are a couple of common threads: 

• You and your partner spend quality time together on a regular basis.
• You listen to each other and show empathy toward your problems.
• You mutually encourage each other’s growth and development in different areas and using various methods.
• You pay attention to your partner’s feelings and the things going on in your lives.
• You offer help and you help your partner through the good as well as the bad.
• You refrain from judging each other and focus on discussing your differences if necessary.
• You foster tender and caring honesty.
• You and your partner both feel safe and secure in your relationship.
• You’re there for each other when you need it and can ask for what you want and need.  And, if it is not possible for your partner to give it to you, you can understand and take care of yourself.  

What Are The Characteristics Of A Supportive Partner?

To be completely honest, there’s no one set of skills that makes one partner supportive and the other one unsupportive. Support comes in many forms and takes on different shapes depending on each individual and the situation they’re finding themselves in. 

However, there are certain traits that many supportive partners share. Knowing what they are can help both members of a relationship recognize whether they have them or not and start working toward becoming a better partner.

Traits Of A Supportive Partner

Some of the most common traits supportive partners exhibit include: 

• Respect toward your partner’s feelings
• Ability to truly listen to what your partner has to say
• Showing true consideration for your partner’s problems
• Possessing the ability to say you’re sorry
• Not shaming your partner if they tell you no because it truly doesn’t work for them
• Being helpful when your partner needs it
• Respecting their “me” time
• Taking the time to be intimate with your partner
• Sharing your dreams and having common dreams with your partner
• Refraining from placing high expectations on your partner
• Viewing your partner’s needs with the same level of respect as you would your own

How Can I Build A More Supportive Relationship?

Not receiving the support you need is tough. However, know that it’s probably tough on your partner too if you’re the one failing to deliver the support they need. Luckily, building support is possible. 

Support is not having and/or demanding expectations that are unclear and unrealistic. 

First and foremost, know that offering support works both ways.  It’s crucial to give support as well as to receive it. Second, noticing and getting honest that there is a lack of support in your relationship is something you and your partner can definitely work on together. It’s not a deal breaker, just a point of necessary improvement. You can do it, you just have to start!   

13 Ways To Build Relationship Support

There’s no time like the present and no better way than to explore some of the things you and your significant other can do to enhance support in your relationship. Know that these methods are just the beginning and that support is something you keep giving. 

Here’s how to start: 

• Make an honest commitment to listen to your partner and do it
• Be clear about your want and/or need if asking and make sure it is realistic
• Be respectful to your partner’s point of view – when they are sharing it, even if you don’t agree, meet it with phrases like, “tell me more”, “is there anything else?”, “I’m glad you are sharing how you feel”. 
• Be as empathetic as possible
• Try to offer help, not just wait for your partner to ask for it
• Communicate with your partner often and honestly
• Be there to encourage your significant other and spur them on
• Be there to talk to your partner’s ambitions, dreams, desires, and fears
• Grant your partner the benefit of the doubt and give them moments of necessary solitude
• Ask the questions you would like your partner to ask you.  
• Model what you’d like
• Be completely present when your partner needs to talk
• Show your partner that you appreciate them
• Give your significant other a chance to do their things their way
• Practice doing small and thoughtful things

PIVOT Can Help You Incite Support Without Leaving A Potentially Unhealthy Relationship

If there isn’t ample support within your relationship, chances are that unhappiness will slowly come bubbling to the surface. From slowly losing the flame of your passion to gradually beginning to think about other people, lack of support can cause a lot of other issues. 

This makes actively working on supporting your partner and experiencing support in your relationship one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. Sometimes, continually dating your partner isn’t enough and you have to put in more effort. However, there are times when you simply don’t know where or how to start tackling these issues.That’s where PIVOT comes in. We’ve assembled a team of experienced, caring, and empathetic coaches and advocates who guide you through both individual workshops and activities for inspiring support and couple retreats to help you find support mechanisms in your relationship. Reach out to us today and we’ll help you find your common ground.

Many couples experience the ups and downs of passion in their relationships. It’s virtually impossible to experience a long-term relationship without also experiencing the times of intense passion and the times when that passion is lacking a bit.

However, not feeling the fierce, roaring flame of passion all the time is one thing. Not experiencing it at all for a long time is something completely different. Ruts happen. Long droughts, on the other hand, are a true concern that require effort and time to overcome. 

This problem can cause prolonged issues with intimacy in your marriage or relationship, causing you to find professional assistance at an emotional workshop or retreat. However, it’s also important to first see what the signs of waning passion are and how to overcome them. 

Is It Normal To Lose Passion In A Relationship?

It’s tough to say what’s normal in a relationship and what’s not. After all, people and relationships are different, and the problems couples experience are unique to their circumstances. Periods of stronger and weaker passion happen for a variety of reasons.

However, referring to the complete absence of passion as “normal” could do a disservice to couples who just aren’t feeling it as they once did. On the other hand, labeling it as “not normal” may also cause confusion and discomfort. The simple truth is that couples can lose feelings of passion and that it’s important to work on resolving the underlying issues and causes. 

What Are The Reasons That You’ve Lost Passion In Your Relationship?

The first step in rekindling the flame of passion in your relationship and finding that desire for intimacy is to understand why you’ve lost touch in the first place. Keep in mind that I am not just talking about sexual intimacy!  I am also speaking to emotional intimacy.  Without clearly identifying the reasons behind your current problems, it’s difficult to start the road of recovery and discovery again.

7 Reasons For Dying Passion In A Relationship

As said, all relationships and the issues that can appear are unique to each couple. While there’s no such thing as a comprehensive list of reasons why your passion might be failing, some of the most common causes include the following: 

• As your together-life evolves, you slowly allow other priorities to take hold of your entire relationship, letting your connection slip through the cracks of everyday struggles. 
• At one point or another, you, your partner, or both of you have simply stopped putting in enough effort into keeping the fire of intimacy burning as bright as it once did. 
• Your intimate life has gradually become comfortable, routine, and even uninspired, causing you to potentially lose interest. 
• Letting go of your own self-care can also be the cause behind dwindling passion. This can lead to you and your partner not feeling satisfied with yourselves, losing your libido in the process. 
• Your or your partner might be holding grudges you simply cannot let go of for some time, causing you to be less interested in romance and more interested in retribution. 
• There’s been a transition from passionate to companion love. 
• You’ve stopped doing things with one another and slowly started drifting apart in different areas, including intimacy. 
• You may have a biological shift in your mental health and the desire is overridden with anxiety and or depression and you are not treating it. 

How Do You Rekindle Your Desire In Your Relationship?

If we’re being honest, rekindling passion can be tough for some couples. However, it can be incredibly fun. In fact, it can breathe new life into your relationship and make it stronger, more enjoyable, and more passionate than ever. If that’s not a reason to give it a go, then nothing is.

7 Ways To Rekindle Relationship Passion

If there’s love and all other positive emotions, there can be passion again, and soon rather than later. You and your partner just need a gentle push in the right direction. 

Here are some ways that can help you achieve that: 

• Speak to each other about how you used to have so much passion without blame – when you couldn’t get enough of each other and see what was different back then. Try to do some of the things you loved doing back in the day and see the passion make a slow-and-certain return. 
• Be honest and communicate your innermost desires with your partner and allow them to do the same. Get to know each other’s intimate needs better and start translating words into action. 
• Prioritize yourselves and your intimacy above other daily things. Don’t make a chore more important than you. Start dedicating more and more time to one another and the spark will come back. Start with having date night again.  And, keep doing it. 
• As simple as this one’s going to sound, as simple it’s to try it – get physical and get physical as often as you can. It doesn’t have to be all fireworks all the time.  Nor does it have to be intercourse.  Touch each other.  Hold each other.  Make a point to look into each other’s eyes with appreciation and affection.. The more you try, the more natural  it’ll become. 
• Be curious and explore. Who knows, maybe you and your partner will discover a whole new world of intimate pleasure without even meaning to, granting yourselves many enjoyable future moments. 
• Introduce the romance back, try harder, do beautiful things for each other, and dedicate your time and energy into making your partner feel as special as you’d like to feel. 
• Understand that it might take some time for the passion to return. Don’t rush it – work on it constantly and incessantly. 
• Be open to new experiences and be open to your partner. Work on it together and the results will come. 
• Consider consulting a professional. Some couples may need some neutral insight or assistance with identifying the underlying issues in their relationships. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a relationship coach if you feel stuck. 

PIVOT’s Intimacy In A Marriage Intensive Workshop Will Help You Find Passion Again

Keeping the passion in your relationship alive is an essential part of a healthy and thriving relationship. Rekindling your flame over and over again can be difficult. However, you need to keep at it, keep investing, keep dating your significant other, and keep providing all the support you and they need. And you’ll get there. Sooner than you might think. 

Not only will the loss of passion cause you to potentially start thinking about other individuals in different ways. It will also slowly take more and more from your enjoyment and growth. If there’s love, respect, support, and a picture of the future, give it your all and work on it.Sometimes, your all may not be enough, and to keep resolving some of the issues in your relationship, you may need professional assistance. PIVOT’s individual workshops for resolving relationship problems and couple retreats for working on your relationship are designed to help you through the rough patches and rebirth your relationship again. Give us a call today!

If we’re being completely honest, we rarely like hearing the word “no” ourselves, especially from our partner – the one person in the world who’s there to have our back and support us. However, that’s not exactly the right way of looking at relationship “nos”, is it?

And that’s the main problem with a “no”. The perception of it, which is why, in addition to not liking the sound of it, we don’t like to say it either. It’s as if the mere action of refusing your partner meant that you’re letting them down or looking at how to get out of a relationship.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be. There’s no betrayal, lack of love, affection, or empathy in saying “no” to your partner every once in a while. After all, not every idea is a good idea. It’s worth exploring the power of “no” and how you can learn to implement it. 

What Does It Mean To Say “No” In A Relationship?

Some people lack the ability and the desire to say “no” in a relationship because they feel that less disagreement equals no conflict. Others fear that refusing their partner’s ideas will only lead to long-term deepening dissatisfaction, ultimately grinding their relationship to a premature and hurtful ending. 

There are even more reasons but the result remains the same. You, or your partner, or both of you refrain yourselves from saying “no”, causing more harm than good over time. That’s why it’s important to clarify exactly what it means to say “no” to your partner and everybody else, and potentially remove the stigma associated with such a simple word.

Saying “no” means you’re simply valuing your, and not just somebody else’s wishes. It means that you’re trying to validate your own desires and feelings. It means you believe you can be completely honest with your partner. It means deepening your relationship and allowing yourself to be your true self. 

Why Do I Need To Learn To Say “No”?

Refusing is not shooting down your partner and warding off their happiness. It’s being true to yourself and feeling enough confidence in them and your relationship that you feel comfortable not saying “yes” to everything. This is how you start paving the way for beneficial experiences in your life, such as: 

• Better valuing your time and the time you spend with your partner
• Knowing what you want out of your relationship
• Saying “no” to one thing means saying “yes” to something else
• Enhancing the honesty in your relationship and toward your partner
• Giving others and your partner a chance to say “yes” to you

When Can I Say “No” In My Relationship?

There are no strict rules about when it’s OK and when it’s not to say “no” to your partner. Saying no is simply expressing how you feel about something. Some of us may enjoy saying “yes” to something because we want to please the other person.  That is ok unless you are going against your own true feelings.  Since it’s about your own personal feelings, don’t refrain from telling your partner “no” if: 

• You simply don’t feel that into it
• You’re not ready for something
• You’re scared of it
• You’re too busy with more important obligations
• You’re being made to feel guilty or ashamed for refusing
• You have a bad feeling about the proposition

However, this is all when you’re considering “normal” circumstances and offers. There are also some situations where you can say “no” and potentially look into alternative resolution to your problems, including: 

• Abuse
• Addiction
• Jealousy
• Over-possessiveness
• Controlling behavior
• Lying
• Cheating

How Can I Learn To Say “No” To My Partner?

Saying “no” to your partner is tricky because you might be feeling that it will indicate a lack of affection even though it’s not there. However, learning how to say “no” is good and will only end up being beneficial to the both of you. 

Here’s what you can do to learn to politely incorporate a “no” into your relationship without coming off as you wouldn’t want to: 

• Be clear about your feelings on something, but remember to also be respectful and mindful of your partner’s feelings. 
• Show your gratitude for their desire to propose an activity for the two of you. 
• Be honest about the reason you’re unwilling to follow through on their proposition. 
• Offer your partner an alternative you would enjoy and allow them to say “yes” to your offer. 
• Understand that you’re not doing anything wrong by sometimes refusing your partner’s offers. 

PIVOT Organizes Healthy Relationship Activities That Will Help You & Your Partner Learn The Value Of “No”

Saying “yes” to your partner’s ideas is good. It can make you more adventurous, open to new experiences, broaden your horizons, and take you to places you didn’t think you’d go to. However, saying “no” is just as important, but it seems not as frequently discussed, which is a shame, because it can also bring benefits into your life. 

Learning to say “no” when in a relationship is important for your own personal growth and can even help improve your confidence and satisfaction. It’s also one of the key communication components of healthy relationships. However, many people struggle with declining their partner’s wishes, and they need help to do so. Which is why PIVOT is here to help you if you or your partner are struggling with it. Our expert relationship advocates organize healthy relationship activities at our couples retreat will show you there’s no harm in refusing, and our individual activities will help you say “no” to your partner at certain times. Give us a call today!

Confidence is important for both your personal growth and your relationship. When the exciting initial period of your relationship starts to fade, and you begin to come together in a more realistic manner, it’s easy to lose your confidence. 

However, the things that can affect you or your partner’s confidence can be relatively small in comparison, such as not texting good night as you did in the beginning or failing to show the seemingly identical level of affection. 

This can cause you to lose confidence in your relationship and yourself. It’s not uncommon for couples to seek  relationship coaching to start off in a positive light. And it’s great to work on your challenges before they create unnecessary drama. That’s why it’s worth learning more about the ways to boost your confidence. 

What Is Confidence In A Relationship?

Confidence is, first and foremost, your belief in your own self. This primarily refers to your own perception of your ability to meet the various challenges of your daily life and successfully overcome them. It also represents the feeling of your own self-worth and how much you truly believe you’re worthy of the good things in life.

In a relationship, confidence can take many forms, from your ability to freely express your emotions to your capability to receive feelings coming from your partner. However, it’s also about overcoming relationship obstacles on your own, as well as together with your partner, and not allowing certain setbacks and old patterns of past relationships to affect your mindset and belief in yourself and your partner. 

It’s also important to note that confidence is not a fixed or innate characteristic of one’s personality. It is changeable, acquirable, and improvable. Some people have more of it, some have less. Either way, there’s no reason to feel bad if you lack confidence. You can work and improve it, seizing many different benefits to your life and your relationship. 

Finally, know that confidence fluctuates, both in people with perceivably high confidence and in people with perceivably low confidence. 

Why Is Confidence Important In A Relationship?

Confidence will, primarily, make you feel better and happier about yourself, which can have a positive effect on your relations with your partner. However, that’s only an umbrella for many other benefits that stem from your self-confidence. 

Confidence inspires and invites happiness that, in turn, positively affects many different facets of your life, both as an individual and as a partner. In fact, the more positive experiences you have on your own, the more you will have to translate into your relationship. 

From there, it’s a matter of implementing and applying your newfound view of life and of yourself onto your relationship with your partner and your relationships in general. 

Important Benefits Of Self-Confidence in Relationship with Others

Higher self-confidence can positively affect you and your relationships in multiple ways: 

• Better self-worth and belief in yourself and your abilities, makes you know your worth and allows you to believe your relationship can be successful. 
• Less fear, which means that you will become better at adapting and learning within your relationship, as well as taking it to whole new levels. 
• Less social anxiety which allows you to better communicate with other people, including your significant other. 
• Higher motivation to do the many things life has to offer, which also allows you to improve your relationship by having new experiences with your partner. 
• Reducing negative thoughts and embracing a more positive outlook on life and on your romantic involvement. 

How Do I Build Confidence While In A Relationship?

Now that you’re aware of just how important confidence can be for you as an individual and you as a partner, it’s time to explore the many different ways to boost your individual and your relationship confidence. 

• Stay in the present and clear your mind of all past imperfections and future intentions.
• Be realistic in identifying room for improvement and how you would like to change things.
• Have fun doing enjoyable activities with your partner and also set some time aside to do you. 
• Start seeing your partner as your friend you can confide in, not just a love interest. 
• Try to be as honest as possible about who you are now and who you want to be. 
• Become a fan of yourself through positive reinforcement – stop pondering on seemingly the negative. 
• Express all your feelings freely and keep presenting yourself to the world and your partner.
• Work on yourself as frequently as you can.
• Communicate with the people in your life openly and honestly. 
• Embrace your insecurities and turn them around. 
• Allow yourself to have your own interest outside of your relationship. 
• Address any potential issues head on. 
• Be careful not to cross the line into arrogance. 
• Find support and guidance from professionals who can help you embrace the change.

PIVOT’s Retreat for Relationship Coaching & Our Online Relationship Coach Program Can Help You

There’s really no understating how vital confidence can be for your relationship. It’s one of the important areas of personal growth that will help you become a more satisfied individual and a better partner. What’s more, it’ll allow you to both improve your communication with your partner and allow you to say “no” in your relationship, which can be difficult. 

Hence – confidence. People keep stressing the importance of self-confidence in your single life, and rarely anybody talks just how essential it is in a relationship as well. Feeling good about yourself is almost a prerequisite to feel good about your relationship and your partner. And that’s what makes confidence really, really important.That is why PIVOT is here for you. We have a team of knowledgeable and empathetic relationship advocates who organize couples retreats for boosting confidence in your relationship, as well as individual confidence-inspiring activities to help you feel better about yourself. Contact us today!

Personal growth can be rewarding and challenging.   When you are in a relationship, it is easy to dedicate yourself to your significant other, sometimes neglecting yourself in the process.

However, focusing solely on your relationship can end up doing more harm than good. Why? Not allocating time for your own development for the sake of personal growth and your relationship can be detrimental, especially over time, leading to a need for online relationship coaching.

When you lose focus on yourself, you begin losing your own identity and become increasingly dissatisfied primarily with yourself, and consequently with your partner. Then conflict arises and the feeling of being disconnected from yourself and from your partner can leave you feeling neglected and alone.

What Is Personal Growth?

Personal growth is a process of improving yourself. However, the basic concept of personal growth is not only about development and improvement. It’s also a transformation. The transformation we are referring to is primarily transforming your potentially detrimental habits into opportunities for positive change. You remain you, only a healthier version of yourself. You can become more grounded in who you are, not who others think you are supposed to be. 

Why Is Personal Growth Important In A Relationship?

In your relationship, personal growth is key to your satisfaction with yourself. Relationships are, essentially, mental imprints of both partners’ psyches and all that comes with that. This means that individual dissatisfaction can easily lead to relationship dissatisfaction which, in turn, can cause more serious problems. 

On the other hand, both you and your partner can achieve personal growth together by participating in different activities and sharing various experiences. This way, you achieve both separate personal goals as well as growing alongside each other, strengthening your relationship.

What Are The Key Areas Of Personal Growth?

Personal growth is a term that unifies five key areas of individual development. In a relationship, this is applicable to both you and your partners’ own personal growth. It also applies to the improvements you can make together, as a couple. 

5 Areas Of Personal Growth

The five areas of growth identified in PIVOT (the Whole Perspective) are:

• Intellectual: This refers to the development of the mind. It also relates to different cognitive functions that can affect your behavior, especially toward your partner. 
• Financial:  This is how you respect your relationship with money.  Are you able to care for yourself, pay your bills, or perhaps be comfortable if you are not the one making money?  Money is a part of life regardless of how much or little you have.  And, it is one of the top reasons why people are stressed.
• Spiritual: Spiritual development mostly refers to finding your own inner peace, as well as peace with your partner within your relationship. This can be done in many different ways.
• Emotional: This is an essential improvement area for self-esteem, romantic relationships, and interactions with other people. It focuses on learning how to develop and express your feelings, while also managing them. This also has to do with communication skills and appropriately feeling, managing, and tolerating feelings. 
• Physical: Finally, physical growth refers to taking care of the body and using it in various productive ways. Including movement, sex and touch.

How Do I Improve Personal Growth In My Relationship?

Kickstarting your personal growth is based on three main aspects of initiating change. They will help you identify the areas of improvement, and then provide you with a mental frame of how you can achieve the desired outcomes. 

The three pillars of change include: 

• The identification of your current state and why you want to change it.
• The identification of your desired state and why you want to achieve it.
• The methods for achieving your desired state. 

Upon accurately determining the reasons and clearly defining the areas you’d like to grow in, it’s time to apply certain strategies that will help you achieve that state. 

How To Achieve Personal Growth

Here are some useful techniques that can help you achieve your personal development goals across one or several of the five key improvement areas, both alone and with your partner:

• Read regularly, both fiction and nonfiction.
• Try learning a new language and expand your horizons.
• Pick up one new hobby that you’ve wanted to for a long time.
• Make your personal space at home and work warmer and more comfortable.
• Identify one of your fears and try to overcome it.
• Start waking up a bit earlier and doing something with that time.
• Adopt an exercise routine and get your body healthier.
• Compose a letter to your future self.
• Ask others for specific, kind, and helpful feedback, including your partner.
• Acknowledge what you may perceive as any flaws you might have, embrace them, and see whether you would like to change them.
• Get rid of one single unhelpful habit and replace it with a new, healthy one.
• Start a challenge that can last a week, two, a month, or even longer.
• Take a break and don’t work yourself to the bone and be overly hard on yourself.
• Consider reaching out to a coach who can help you work on your personal and relationship growth.

Try PIVOT’s Online Relationship Coaching & Retreat For Couples

Personal growth is not just important before you start a relationship. It’s an essential part of all healthy relationships. It will help you gain more confidence within your relationships, and it will also nudge you over the edge of learning the importance of saying “no” to your partner. Finally, it can also help you freely communicate about sex with your significant other. 

Personal growth doesn’t stop when you enter a relationship – it continues. And all the relationship perks that come with it are only one portion of what makes it beneficial. It’ll also help increase your own personal satisfaction and allow you to reach greater heights both as an individual and a partner. And PIVOT is here to help you start your journey of self-improvement. Our experienced and knowledgeable relationship advocates will help you learn to grow through our individual workshop activities and we can even help you grow within your relationship at our couples retreat for reconnection. Reach out to us today!

Sex is one of the most intimate, life-affirming acts that people can share. It has the power to strengthen your bond with your partner and help you grow your relationship. Although many people subscribe to the romanticized notion that partners have to get each other instantly if they’re a good match, this isn’t how things normally go. To have truly enjoyable sex, it’s usually necessary to talk about it outside the bedroom. 

Making yourself vulnerable by talking about such intimate topics can be intensely uncomfortable, especially with a new partner. However, you’ll be much more fulfilled if you open up to your partner. So, learn how you can communicate about intimacy in a way that’s comfortable and effective for both. If you worry that your partner may be avoiding intimacy in a relationship, you can also seek the support of our experienced relationship advocates.

Is Talking About Sex Good For A Relationship?

Yes, your relationship can benefit from talking about sex openly and honestly. This is the only way to let your partner know how you truly feel, establish trust, and have more pleasurable sex. 

There are multiple ways in which it can help:

• Couples who can talk about sex usually have more success opening up about other topics too. 
• It can help you get to know your partner better as a person.
• It lets you know how to give them more pleasure.
• It lets you receive more pleasure from them. 
• It increases the possibility of trying new things together.
• It can bring you closer as a couple.

Why Is It Hard to Talk About Sex With Your Partner?

Introducing the topic of sex takes some courage at the start. Since it can have overarching positive effects on your relationship, it’s a good idea to power through the uncomfortableness and do it. 

It’s perfectly understandable to feel a bit uneasy about it at the beginning of a relationship. You want to project a certain image of yourself and being this vulnerable can be a little scary. However, if your partner is receptive to it, you’ll see that it doesn’t have to feel awkward at all. 

You may also be afraid to have your intimate feelings ridiculed or rebuffed. The fear of rejection is perfectly normal and it’s why some people find themselves in parasocial relationships. Every caring partner will respond to your desire to share with compassion and understanding.

How Do I Get Comfortable Talking About Sex With My Partner?

Getting started is probably the trickiest part. Once you get past your initial hangups, it’ll probably all be smooth sailing. How do you introduce the topic in the first place without being overwhelmed with embarrassment? 

Here are some things to try:

• Don’t wait too long: The sooner you normalize sex as a topic of conversation, the easier it will be to discuss it in the future. Your goal is to be better understood and to understand your partner better. So, focus on the prize instead of letting fear hold you back. 
• If you’ve been waiting for a while, cut to the chase: If years go by without touching on the topic of sex, it may be much harder to open up. However, not all is lost. It’s not too late to start the conversation.
• Find the right moment: While people may think that it would be a good idea to talk about sex right after you’ve had it, you and your partner may feel too vulnerable. It may be better to start the conversation at a different time. However, it can be very effective to share your fantasies in the heat of the moment, when you’re both in the mood.
• Be mindful of their feelings: If you’re disappointed with your partner’s performance in bed, you may be tempted to be completely blunt and start off with criticism. Or, even worse, you may compare them to an ex who you feel was more sexually compatible. However, if you approach the topic in a caring, sensitive way, you’re more likely to get better results.
• Have the end goal in mind: You need to approach the issue as a team and keep your eyes on the prize, which is a more fulfilling sex life for the both of you. Let this motivate you and override your fear.

How Do I Talk to My Partner About Being Unhappy With Sex?

Nobody likes hearing that their partner is unhappy about some aspect of their lovemaking. However, there are ways to suggest improvements without being overly harsh. 

Here are a few ideas:

• Do it from a place of love and understanding: Make it clear that your only intention is to enhance your relationship and establish an even deeper connection with them. Try not to make them feel like they’re being put on the spot or accused.
• Keep the conversation positive: Don’t forget to give praise where praise is due. Put as much focus on the things they do right as you do on the areas that need improvement. Sometimes, the best way to push them in the right direction is simply to talk about the things that you really liked.
• Share your fantasies: Many people are ashamed of their fantasies that are a perfectly healthy and normal part of human sexuality. While you may think that your fantasies are outlandish and embarrassing, the chances are that many others, your partner included, have similar ones.
• Be clear and specific: Beating about the bush or talking in code will only confuse your partner further. Be completely honest and direct.
• Hear them out too: Sometimes, people get so caught up in what they have to say that they forget to listen to the other person. Be open to their feedback and responsive to their wishes.

How Can Relationship Coaching Help Me Resolve Relationship Intimacy Problems?

PIVOT can help you establish a more intimate connection with your partner through our couples’ coaching or our customized individual relationship workshops. Apart from helping you achieve more satisfying relationships, our programs can help you grow as a person and gain more confidence in your interactions with others so that you can comfortably say no any time you need to. Give us a call today!

Everyone who’s been a part of our lives leaves a mark, especially if it’s an ex partner who we spent months or years with. Even when you’re in a committed relationship and there’s seemingly nothing wrong, you may still have bouts of thinking about an ex. While this is perfectly normal, it may still negatively affect your current relationship. 

If you’d like to stop thinking about past relationships, you first need to find out more about why it happens and how you can overcome it. If you worry that you may be struggling with relationship addiction withdrawal, you can also receive the help you need from helpful relationship coaching sessions.

Why Do I Think About Past Relationships So Much?

Are you happy in your current relationship yet the thoughts of your ex just pop into your head unexpectedly? Even if you haven’t thought about or seen them in a while, random snippets of your time together may come into your mind and have you fantasizing about them all over again. You’re not alone as this happens to most people. 

There are many reasons why you could be reminiscing about your past relationship, such as:

• Unresolved emotions: You may not have closure for some reason. Breakups can be messy and you may still have unanswered questions about your past relationship. These “what ifs” may keep you from moving on.
• New situations prompt the comeback of old feelings: You may be growing closer to your new partner and the attachment you’re feeling now may remind you of how you felt with the ex.
• Moving on too soon: Many people enter a new relationship soon after the last one ended. If this is the case, maybe you haven’t allowed yourself the time to process your grief and loss. 
• Idealizing the past: People tend to remember the good and forget the bad. This means you may have a distorted, romanticized image of your past relationship. 
• You’ve recently heard from them: When a person who meant a lot to you suddenly reappears in your life, it can get you thinking of everything you’ve been through together.
• You’re underwhelmed with an aspect of your current relationship: Maybe you don’t know how to talk to your partner about improving your sex life or feel like you can’t say no to your partner. Whatever may be bothering you, fantasizing about your ex may be an outlet.

Why Do People Romanticize Past Relationships?

Your past experiences may seem more exciting or more fulfilling when compared to the mundane reality of your current relationship. It’s important to figure out if this is actually true or if you’re just idealizing the past. 

Our memory is unreliable and susceptible to distortions. Because it’s human nature to feel nostalgic about times gone by, many people remember the best things about their ex and forget the bad. This is why you need to take a closer, clear-headed look at your history together.

After all, you had a reason to end that relationship. Taking a step back and considering the things that led to the breakup can be an excellent reality check. In most cases, people realize that they’re simply looking at the past through rose-colored glasses.

Why Not Compare Your Current Partner to Your Exes?

Similarly to what happens with parasocial relationships, we often idealize our exes and unfairly compare our current partners to this impossible ideal. However, this is a habit that typically causes a lot of frustration and does you no good. Here’s why:

• You’re not working on actual challenges: If you’re taking trips down memory lane to escape ongoing issues in your relationships, you’re missing out on the opportunity to actually tackle these problems and strengthen your bond.
• It’s unfair and uncharitable: It would be very hurtful to your partner to find out that you’re comparing them to an ex. It’s healthier to honestly discuss the areas of your relationship that you aren’t satisfied with and work on improving them together.
• Everyone’s their own person: If you feel like your current relationship is worth investing in, try to appreciate your partner for what they are. This doesn’t mean that you can’t expect them to up their game in certain ways. It’s more about seeing them as an individual with their own unique fears, hopes, and dreams.
• Your perception is probably a little skewed anyways: Since we tend to play up the positive aspects of the past, it’s possible that you don’t actually see your former relationship for what it was.

How Do I Stop Idealizing Past Relationships?

To break this cycle and focus on connecting to a new partner, here are some things you can try: 

• Understand why you do it: Finding out the root cause of your longing for the past can be the start to working through it. You can do this by attending practical relationship coaching workshops.
• Distance yourself from your triggers: If you’re determined not to give your ex a second chance, distance yourself from them. If possible, stop texting them or spending time with them on a regular basis. 
• Focus on your current relationship: Spend time with your new partner, get to know them better, and enjoy your time together. Be open to establishing another meaningful connection.

Can Relationship Coaching Help Me Realize How To Leave A Bad Relationship?

Yes, PIVOT’s tailored individual coaching sessions can help you learn more about yourself and give you the strength to end an unfulfilling relationship. If you feel like reminiscing about an ex is putting your current relationship at risk, it may be time to give us a call.

Our caring relationship advocates will also assist you with other challenges, like becoming more self-assured in relationships and setting out on a path of personal growth. In addition, we address couples’ emotional challenges in our customized workshops. 

Reach out to us today to book a stay at our retreat and start a journey of healing and self-discovery.