Author: Lori Jean Glass

As if interpersonal relationships weren’t complex enough, more and more people nowadays find themselves in parasocial relationships with people they don’t personally know. Since we’re exposed to idealized images carefully manufactured to expand a celebrity’s following and win the hearts of their fans, falling into such a relationship is easier than ever. 

In the era of social media, with vloggers who share their every move online and intense media coverage of the private lives of celebrities, we’ve become overly attached to our favorite stars. And parasocial relationships have become an increasingly common phenomenon, especially among young people.  

If you’d like to get to know more about parasocial attachment and how to get out of this kind of unhealthy relationship, keep reading.

What Counts As A Parasocial Relationship?

A parasocial relationship happens when you feel intense emotions for someone who you don’t personally know, typically a famous person. They used to mostly happen with TV personalities, popular musicians, actors, and sports stars. However, nowadays they’re also common with social media celebrities. They can also occur with fictional characters, such as the characters from your favorite movie or book.

The way you feel in this type of relationship can be very similar to how you’d feel in a real-life relationship. You‘re intensely interested in everything that has to do with the person, feel like you have a deep connection with them, and are fiercely loyal to them. You may fantasize about the person and be jealous or over-protective of them. Some people may even exhibit obsessive and stalking behavior. 

What Is A Parasocial Breakup?

Since parasocial relationships are in many ways similar to real-life relationships, you can actually experience a parasocial breakup. For example, this may happen if you’ve fallen for a character on a TV show and the TV show ends or gets canceled. 

The fact that you won’t be able to enjoy “the company” of this person any longer may be as painful as a real-life breakup. You may miss them intensely and grieve the end of your time together just like you would with an actual partner.

Are Parasocial Relationships Healthy?

It’s human nature to form bonds with others. Parasocial relationships are a kind of human connection and developing affection for someone who you admire is perfectly understandable. However, the problem is that they can cause a lot of hurt. There are several reasons why:

• They’re one-sided. By default, there’s no reciprocity in a parasocial relationship. One person pines after another, who isn’t even aware of their existence. This longing can cause a lot of pain and frustration.
• They typically involve a high degree of romanticization. Since you don’t personally know the object of your affection, you’re free to fill in the blanks any way you choose. You may feel like nobody compares to this idealized image, which could prevent you from establishing meaningful real-life relationships.
• They often signal a fear of rejection. People who feel strong parasocial affection are sometimes unconsciously protecting themselves from the possibility of rejection. Since the other person doesn’t actually know you, you’re safe from being turned down. However, this can also be stopping you from working through this fear.
• They may intensify your sense of isolation: This type of attachment sometimes happens to people who are lonely and have low self-esteem. Instead of trying to solve these problems, they may withdraw even further, not giving themselves a chance to interact with people in real life.

Can Parasocial Relationships Benefit Real Life Relationships?

Generally, parasocial relationships are a poor stand-in for a reciprocated, real-life relationship. They aren’t a substitute for a meaningful connection with an actual partner who can love you back. 

However, they do have certain benefits:

• They may be a learning experience: They could shed light on what you look for in a partner or what you lack in your current relationship. They can also uncover your attachment patterns, help you understand yourself better, and put you on a path of personal growth.
• They may make it easier to get to know others: Many people who feel intense attraction to a celebrity are part of a fandom. This is a great way for them to meet like-minded people, enjoy a sense of commonality, and form lasting friendships over a shared interest. 
• They may improve your self-esteem: This kind of relationship can be a great source of motivation for someone who lacks confidence. They may perceive the celebrity as a role model and acquire the traits for which they admire them. For example, a person may continue pursuing music as a hobby because they’re inspired by their favorite musician.
• They may provide comfort: These relationships can provide a kind of escapism from everyday situations, especially during certain tumultuous and transitional periods of a person’s life, like adolescence. 

How Do I Get Out Of A Parasocial Relationship?

Getting over someone is hard, even if it’s a celebrity or a fictional character, and you need to give yourself time to process and recover from it. Here are some ways to do it:

• Be gentle on yourself: Don’t beat yourself up about having these feelings.
• Reflect on your emotions: Consider what you can learn from the experience.
• Focus on self-care: Find a source of comfort and an outlet for your grief.
• Connect to the people in your life: Seek support from loved ones.
• Identify the root cause of such a relationship. Try to identify what caused you to form a parasocial relationship. This may help you learn more about yourself, previous experiences, and possible past wounds. You can also reach out to an advocate to help you work this out.  

Where Do I Find A Private Reconnection Retreat For Couples?

If you have difficulty letting go of a parasocial relationship or establishing meaningful bonds with people in your life, PIVOT can offer the guidance you need. Our individual coaching offers an excellent chance for personal growth whether you’re struggling to say no in a relationship or have another issue you’d like to work through.Our approachable relationship advocates help couples understand their relationship and apply this knowledge to further it. For example, you may learn how to talk to each other about topics like sex and intimacy more effectively. Get in touch with us to join our helpful coaching sessions!

Most people have experienced unreciprocated romantic feelings at least once in their lives. It’s a perfectly normal part of everyone’s romantic history. However, it can be very difficult to deal with while you’re in the midst of it. Romantic longing coupled with the feelings of rejection can be very hurtful, emotionally draining, and embarrassing. It can drive you to take actions that appear desperate and confusing.  

Unrequited love can sometimes also feel confusing since its signs may not be easy to interpret. It’s also often difficult to get over. If you find yourself asking: “What is love avoidance?” or “Are my feelings unreciprocated?”, you can work through these questions in helpful relationship coaching sessions. It’s important to learn how to spot the signs of unrequited love, cope with the turmoil it may cause, and recover from it emotionally.

What Is An Example Of Unrequited Love?

Unrequited love means that one side in a relationship doesn’t feel the same romantic attraction as the other one. It can manifest itself in different ways, including:

• Being in love with a person who doesn’t feel the same way
• Being drawn to someone who isn’t available
• Feeling attracted to someone while you’re both in relationships with other people
• Still having feelings for your ex who has moved on
• Pretending someone is not who they actually are – living in the fantasy of what they might become and trying harder to make that happen

What Are The Signs Of Unrequited Love?

While you may believe that spotting the signs of unrequited love is simple, they’re often not obvious. Sometimes, your romantic interest may send mixed signals, which could leave you feeling confused. These are a few things that could help you identify unreciprocated love:

• You’re the one reaching out: In a reciprocal relationship, both individuals put in effort and are interested in each other equally. If you feel like your love interest is pulling away from you and not showing interest in communicating, it could be a worrying sign.
• There is no or little physical contact: When individuals are attracted to one another, they both initiate physical contact. In case a person is holding back when you’re attempting to touch them, it’s a clear sign that you have overstepped their boundaries.
• You have an idealized image of them: Very often, in an unequal dynamic such as this one, one person only sees the other one’s qualities to the point of idealization. They’re quick to brush off the other’s character flaws and forgive their hurtful behavior. 
• They don’t show interest in getting closer: A person who’s romantically interested in you will actively seek out opportunities to get to know you better. If they don’t eagerly encourage bonding as much as you do, the chances are they’re not interested.

Is Unrequited Love Really Love?

Although it is a kind of love, harboring unrequited feelings is painful and unhealthy because of its one-sided nature. Unlike healthy romantic relationships, which help a person to grow and thrive, it’s a deeply frustrating situation to be in. It can even lead to resentment, inability to move on with your life, and obsessive behavior.

What Does Unrequited Love Feel Like?

If your affection isn’t reciprocated, you probably feel heartbroken. You’ll likely feel intense longing for the other person and possibly even be ashamed of your feelings. However, this could be a chance for you to grow so you can develop into a Healthy Adult and establish healthier relationship patterns from that moment on. 

On the other hand, if you’re on the receiving end of unwanted affection, you may be feeling guilty that you can’t reciprocate, annoyed with the person’s advances, and generally uncomfortable about the situation. You may also not know how to reject them without hurting their feelings and self-esteem.

Why Do I Fall In Love With Someone I Can’t Have?

The tendency to pine for people who are unavailable typically stems from emotional wounds from your childhood. People are likely to go back to the things they’re used to even if they’re deeply hurtful. Your early experiences of rejection may have shaped your attachment style, so you could be unconsciously reliving them. 

If your parent figures were distant, you may be looking for a similarly detached and indifferent love interest. This childhood abandonment makes many people feel unlovable, and romantic rejection only reasserts this deep-seated, self-sabotaging belief they have.

How Do You Let Go Of Unrequited Love?

Although it may be extremely painful and seem impossible to shake off, you can get over the person and move on to establish a fulfilling relationship with another person. Here are some strategies to try:

• Stop contacting the person, which will give you some distance and allow you to take your mind off them.
• Nurture yourself by focusing on enjoyable activities that do you good, like hobbies and hanging out with friends.
• Avoid seeking romantic relationships for a while. Instead, reflect on what you’re really looking for in a relationship from a whole perspective – spiritually, intellectually, financially, emotionally, and physically.
• Don’t push your feelings under the rug because they could come back to haunt you. Acknowledge them and work through them instead.
• Focus on other people in your life, who will give you much-needed support and keep you thinking about other things.
• Work on changing some negative behavioral patterns. You can reach out to a professional who can help you identify the root cause of your attachment style and help you embrace change.

How To Get Over A Partner With Love Avoidant Traits?

PIVOT helps you achieve healthy relationships through helpful coaching sessions and a personalized, expertise-based curriculum. Our individual coaching program can be an essential step in your self-growth journey. For example, you can learn how to get your new relationship off the ground as well as how to recognize complacency in a relationship or how to preserve your individuality in love. 

If you join our 5-day Glass House recovery retreat, you can work through your unhealthy patterns in a small and comfortable group setting. You’ll be provided with individual, group, or experiential sessions along with healthful activities like meditation and yoga. You’ll also have plenty of time to engage in reflection and healing.

Learn more about attachment styles and how you can override your unhealthy patterns to establish successful romantic relationships. Get in touch with us today!

Every individual needs and deserves to be on an equal footing with their romantic partner. This is when you can truly thrive as a person and feel confident in both yourself and your romantic bond. However, relationships often tip to one side, as this balance is very delicate and people’s past experiences play into their power dynamic with their current partner.

Find out what reciprocity is in love and how you can achieve a more equal balance of power within your relationship. You can also get a step closer to building trust in a relationship by attending an eye-opening couples workshop. 

What Is Reciprocity In Love?

Reciprocity can take many shapes and mean slightly different things in different spheres of life. For example, a business and a customer can be in a reciprocal relationship. If the business provides the quality of service the customer needs and the customer in turn pays for this service, reciprocity is established. As long as they keep their side of the bargain, this type of relationship is fulfilling for both parties.

The same principle can be applied to love. Being in a reciprocal romantic relationship means that you and your partner are equally supportive of one another and provide each other with the same level of trust, care, and affection. However, the need to maintain reciprocity can also create unhealthy patterns, such as if you engage in toxic tit-for-tat behavior.

What Is An Example Of Reciprocity In A Relationship?

The most basic example of reciprocity is requited love, when you and your partner feel the same about one another. It’s a two-sided relationship where both of you feel equally appreciated, safe, and understood. 

There are other examples, too, such as:

• Your partner will comfort you after a rough day at work and you’ll also empathize with them when their week is going badly.
• You each make attempts to breathe new shared experiences into the relationship.
• You’ll show respect to their family members and friends and you’ll expect them to do the same for you. Even if you don’t feel the same way about friend or family member.
• Partners may split chores in half so one person is responsible for mopping and vacuuming while the other one’s in charge of cleaning the kitchen.
• This “division of labor” can apply to responsibilities other than housework. For example, if one of you is picking up the kids from school, the other one will go grocery shopping and make dinner.

Reciprocity will ideally stem from a place of love and respect instead of being a manipulative strategy used to get what you want. It may mean compromising your comfort from time to time, and if your partner is willing to do the same for you, it is definitely worth it.

Is Reciprocity Important In A Relationship?

To an extent, the balance of reciprocity will depend on your and your partners’ particular personalities. Some people are naturally more nurturing than others. They could be perfectly happy to give more than they receive. It’s equally important to note that “giving” is more than just time and emotion.  It is also financial contributions and making good sound decisions.

If you’re overly focused on your partner’s needs to the point of losing yourself, it’s a problem.

A healthy relationship has to provide a comfortable, stimulating environment for you and your partner to thrive, and this typically includes a more-or-less equal balance between the two of you. Every person requires warmth, comfort, and help, so your partner needs to provide these in equal measure.

However, there are also negative instances of reciprocity in a relationship, when you act vengeful toward one another. For example, one of you may feel jealous and cheat on your partner to get back at them. This type of back-and-forth hurtful behavior may lead to a lot of emotional turmoil and the ultimate breakdown of your relationship.

How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Non-Reciprocal?

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if you’re in a non-reciprocal relationship. Some signs of this may be:

• One of you isn’t as dedicated to the relationship and willing to commit as the other one.
• One partner does all the work around the house or handles all aspects of child rearing completely on their own.
• Only one person is the breadwinner while the other one doesn’t show a willingness to contribute to the family’s budget and over spends.
• Only one of you provides support and nurturing to the other partner. If you’re on the giving end, you may feel underappreciated as well as physically and emotionally drained.

Sometimes, special circumstances can skew the balance of reciprocity in your relationship and that can be healthy, as long as you both honestly are in agreement and acceptance. For example, if one partner becomes seriously ill, the other one will usually bear the brunt of caring for them and single-handedly take care of the responsibilities they previously shared.

How Do You Create A Reciprocal Relationship?

There are several things you can do to make sure your partner feels appreciated

• Check in with them to see how they’re feeling and what they need
• Do little, thoughtful things for your partner as often as you can, such as buying them a small gift, making them a meal, or helping them with chores. 
• Let them know how they could meet your needs. 
• Keep the lines of communication open and you’ll both have a better understanding of how you can make each other happy.

Where Can I Find A Helpful Couple Relationship Management Workshop? 

PIVOT can provide answers to all of your relationship dilemmas, such as how to keep your new relationship strong, finally let go of the painful sense of shame, or overcome the tendency to be complacent in a relationship. Both our healing 5-day retreats at the Glass House and our custom coaching sessions for individuals can uncover your deep-seated fears and needs as well as teach you how to go after them.

Through your journey of discovery and self-growth, you’ll learn how to have more successful relationships and feel fantastic in your own skin. Our relationship advocates are experienced in helping individuals pivot toward self-improvement. Thanks to our holistic approach, you’ll heal your childhood wounds and become a confident, Healthy Adult, capable of building lasting bonds. Get in touch with us to schedule your session!

Starting a new relationship is thrilling and invigorating, making you hopeful for the future and its exciting to get to know this person who has captured your heart. New couples are usually smitten with each other, feeling a rush of adrenaline before every date. How do you keep the spark alive once the novelty wears off?

The reality will inevitably set in and once it does, you’ll want to be ready for the pressures that may be weighing down on your relationship. To make sure that it survives the honeymoon stage, you may consider coaching sessions for yourself to assure you are staying in reality not fantasy before any relationship challenges begin to leave you desperate to find solutions. Also, you can explore the stages new relationships go through and discover how to keep yours strong.

What Are The Stages Of A New Relationship?

Although everyone is different, relationships typically go through these stages as they grow and develop over a lifetime:

• Honeymoon. This is the initial spark that prompts two people to find out more about each other and get together. During this phase, you feel butterflies in your stomach and a surge of excitement every time you’re meeting your partner. The chances are you’re also looking at each other through rose colored glasses. You enjoy this time and appreciate the infusion of joy and connection.
• Come Together.  This is the time when you begin realizing who this new partner is.  How well met and how well matched are you? Do you have wants and needs that can be met in this relationship?  Does your partner?  Do your lifestyles and values align from a whole perspective?  You may find out you’re not right for each other and go your separate ways before fully committing or decide to take the relationship to the next level.
• Settling In.  This is the point where you accept and fully commit to one another. This can look like marriage, a formal commitment, an alignment of two lives coming together. You see a future together, share common goals in life, and are willing to work in unison to achieve them. This phase includes things like; living together, buying a home together, having kids, merging families together, sharing expenses, etc. You are able to continue to grow together and share your journey. This isn’t to say you won’t encounter any difficulties, rather it’s about being able to face them as a strong unit.
• Celebration. These are indeed the golden days.  You have weather life’s storms and experienced a deep level of intimacy over years of being together. It is when your relationship is well seasoned and well lived!  At this point, the relationship is a source of contentment, reality, and deep intimacy.

How To Behave In The Beginning Of A Relationship?

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re at the very start of a relationship:

• Show your feelings when appropriate. If you’re backing away for fear of judgment, you cannot expect to be seen and discover if this is a good partnership.
• Don’t try to make a great impression. The trick is to stay true to yourself no matter how much you want this relationship to work out.
• Immerse yourself in their world and include them in your own: Meet each other’s friends and try doing your favorite activities together.
• Be in tune with their cues: Pay close attention to how they behave and react to get to know them better. 
• Keep checking in with yourself: Analyze how the relationship makes you feel and whether you’re being your best self when you’re around the other person.
• Trust your gut feeling: When your intuition is telling you something, stop and listen.
• Enjoy the ride: Savor these first few months of the relationship because they’re thrilling and unforgettable.

How Do I Keep A New Relationship Going?

As your relationship moves forward and enters the coming together stage, there are certain things you can do to keep it up:

• Accept that the reality of relationships is far removed from the rosy image we are fed, or dream of, at a young age. There will inevitably be ups and downs and how you deal with them is what makes or breaks a relationship.
• Think of you and your partner as a unit. Include them when it comes to your future wants and needs. They will appreciate it and you’ll avoid unpleasant surprises down the road.
• Don’t take your partner for granted. As the relationship progresses and you start to settle into it more and more, it’s easy to lose sight of all the things you appreciate in your partner. Don’t let life get in the way of showing your appreciation and affection. 
• Do things together. While this can be pretty tricky, especially when the pressures of life seep in, you need to find time for just the two of you. This will bring back a touch of the honeymoon phase.

How Long To Give A New Relationship To Work?

This is different for every couple, so it’s impossible to say exactly. Generally, the first stage of the relationship may last several months. During this time, you are likely only focusing on the positives. 

The first signs of disillusionment mean that the honeymoon phase is coming to a close and reality is setting in. This is when you’ll have to take a close look at the relationship to decide whether it’s worth it to come together and continue to invest your time and effort. 

Search inside yourself to determine whether you could commit to this person and share your hopes and dreams with them long-term. If you feel dissatisfied, underwhelmed, and simply don’t see a future with your current partner, it is probably time to rethink the relationship. 

Where Can I Learn Relationship Intimacy Coaching Exercises?

Here at PIVOT, you can understand yourself on a deeper level and carry over this understanding into your relationship. By working with our relationship advocates and going over our curriculum, you’ll learn how to pinpoint unhelpful patterns and move in the direction of healthier relationships. 

We can help you work through your feelings of shame, teach you how to prevent losing yourself when you’re with someone, and let you know how to overcome relationship complacency. If you’re struggling with unrequited feelings or find yourself in a non-reciprocal relationship, you can find out how to overcome your circumstances and pivot toward a happier existence. You can sign up for our customized individual coaching sessions to discover what you need and want from relationships and get a step closer to getting it. Or, join our 5-day relational retreats where your healthiest self can take shape. Reach out to us today!