Author: Lori Jean Glass

There’s no such thing as a strong person or a weak person. We’re all weak and we’re all strong. We all cry and we all smile. No one is universally just one thing and the world and the people in it are not divided into mutually exclusive categories. There’s more to each person than a single trait or a single occurrence of that trait.

However, your inner strength is not something to neglect – it’s something to actively develop. It can help you deal with numerous hardships in life, from personal and professional difficulties to preventing or dealing with relationship avoidance and withdrawal. Inner strength can mean the difference between independence and codependence, personal support and neglect. 

How can you detect and develop your inner strength? What can you do to foster it? How can your inner strength enrich your life? First, take the time to explore what exactly inner strength is, how it manifests itself, and how you can harness its power. 

What Is Inner Strength?

Different definitions of inner strength mainly focus on emphasizing self-discipline, resilience, tenacity, assertiveness, and, most of all, courage. However, this kind of categorization is too binary, too exclusive, and far too unfair to all those people who fight to remain on top every single day.  Some individuals with complex trauma in their lives develop what we call survival patterns and often get confused about what inner strength is. 

Inner strength is not simply courage, or tenacity, or fortitude, or any of those buzz words that denote a classically strong person capable of tackling challenges head on without breaking a sweat or personality. No, that’s not what we’re talking about. Not by a mile. 

Inner strength is trying to keep it together when you’re falling apart. Inner strength is dealing with the difficulties of the day and coming back to yourself, partner or family able to pivot. Inner strength is admitting your defeat and asking for help. Inner strength is admitting mistakes and trying to be better for them. 

Most importantly, inner strength is failing and being willing to try again. And again. And again. It’s being brave enough to display your strength as well as your weakness. It’s giving people the best of you as often as you can. 

It’s showing empathy, mindfulness, love, compassion, gratitude, generosity, openness, and a shoulder to rely on. Inner strength is what makes us want to be better human beings, better friends, lovers, partners, and coworkers. It’s what makes the world a better place. 

How Can Inner Strength Help Me?

Inner strength is what keeps you going. Even through tough times. Even through horrible, difficult, unimaginable times. This is how inner strength helps us all – by giving us the will, strength, and desire to go through the challenging moments life throws at us and come out on the other side stronger for having been through them. 

Inner strength also allows you to keep believing in yourself, even when others don’t. And it’s inner strength that gets us through the uncertainty and restlessness that life brings. It helps people deal with everything that they’re going through, especially the tough times. It also helps you share the good things without the fear of being misunderstood. It helps spread kindness and support and care. It helps you be who we are without holding back.

How Do I Develop My Inner Strength?

Inner strength is not something we are all born with, a badge of honor that separates the weak from the chosen. The mere fact that the term carries the word “strength” in it can cause people to feel bad and ashamed for showing weakness or emotions. 

As explained, inner strength is a lot more than that, and not that at all, and you should never feel anything other than proud for having the willpower for dealing with the tough times in your life. 

However, inner strength is also something you can work on and enhance. Here are some of the strategies you can use to develop your inner strength, especially when you’re not feeling that “strong”:

• Develop empowering rituals that can help you feel better about yourself during the days you’re feeling down. 
• Be aware of all the difficult choices you’ve made so far in life and understand that you were strong at various points without even realizing it. 
• Discover what kind of purpose you want to have in your life and what kind of trace you want to leave with the action you take. 
• Try not to think in “should’s”, but rather in “can’s”.
• Don’t be stuck in past situations you falsely find disempowering. Focus on the empowering future that awaits. 
• Learn more about yourself through professional coaching sessions and break free from negative thought and behavioral patterns.

Find Your Inner Strength With PIVOT & Put A Stop To Relationship Avoidance And Withdrawal

If you find yourself unable to break a bad relationship pattern, or if you’re constantly trying to avoid potentially unpleasant situations in your relationship, you could lack the inner strength to tackle those issues head on and transform your romance. Realizing you’re currently unable to take proper action and take matters into your own hands can be very emotionally draining. 

However, don’t despair and don’t surrender to a multitude of negative emotions. You are strong and you are capable. You just might need a little assistance to nudge you in the right direction toward your hidden strength. Luckily, you can always rely on a caring and respectful partner that is always on your side – PIVOT.We are a retreat that organizes different types of workshops designed to help you and your partner successfully navigate the sometimes-difficult moments in your relationship. Our thoughtful and respectful advocates can help you through a restorative and supportive individual workshop or by organizing an understanding and helpful couples workshop. Call us today!

It becomes oh so easy to allow your own self-awareness to be on the back burner and end up focused on everyone else except yourself. Many of us spend time perceiving ourselves through the eyes of our friends, family, society, and romantic partners that we forget to look deep inside ourselves.  We externalize our worth and hand it to others to confirm if we are worthy/enough.

Self-awareness and accountability can help us to achieve healthier relationships. It can open the door to building strong intimacy in a relationship. The more familiar we are with our true selves, the deeper we can introspect, the more open we can become.

Take some time to take a look at yourself through the lens of what we call the Whole Perspective.  How do you feel about and see yourself physically, mentally, financially, intellectually, and emotionally?  Try to see yourself for who you truly are, with all the imperfections and perfections you have. Begin the road to heightened self-awareness by learning more about it. 

What Is Self-Awareness?

In general terms, self-awareness is our ability to see ourselves for who we truly are. It’s our capability to peer into the deepest parts of what makes us who we are. Understand our innermost characteristics, desires, needs, and wants, and also our insecurities, faults, and imperfections.

However, there is another type of self awareness – external self-awareness. This allows us to fully understand how other people perceive us after acquiring a more detailed perception of ourselves. The more we learn about ourselves, the more we understand how others see and understand us. 

In relationships, both these separate categories of self-awareness are what allows us to communicate with our partners openly and honestly. By knowing who we are and who our partner thinks we are, we open both ourselves and our relationships to new opportunities. And there’s no downside to that with the people we love. 

Why Are The Archetypes Of Self-Awareness?

Based on the two separate types of self-awareness, there are four archetypes of self-awareness. Both internal and external self-awareness can be high and low. From there, the four archetypes are: 

• Introspectors: This archetype is characterized by high internal and low external self awareness. It is indicative of individuals who are aware of who they are, yet don’t tend to step out of their comfort zone and inquire about feedback from others. 
• Seekers: Seekers have low internal and external self-awareness and have trouble determining who they are, what they stand for, and where they’re going in life and in relationships. 
• Pleasers: Pleasers have high external and low internal self-awareness, which can lead them to focus on trying to appeal to others and overlook themselves and their own personality in the process. 
• Aware: Aware individuals have high internal and external awareness, they know who they are and what others might think of them. 

Successfully determining whether you have high or low self-awareness, and attempting to pinpoint which archetype you are is one of the important first steps in raising your self-awareness and improving your relationship interactions. 

What Are The Signs Of Low Self-Awareness?

Low self-awareness can negatively affect your romantic relationships and other parts of your life. Not knowing the depth of your own personality can lead to insecurities, frustration, and inability to form a functioning and dedicated relationship with your partner. Determining whether your self-awareness is low can help you and the people around you. 

Common Signs Of Low Self-Awareness

Here are some of the most common signs of low self-awareness: 

• Trouble understanding your different emotions
• Shutting down people who question your beliefs
• Making excuses for your own failures and failings
• Experiencing difficulty empathizing with others
• Inability to adequately explain certain actions toward others
• Suppressing your negative emotions
• Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself
• Lacking a sense of true identity and purpose
• Struggling with self-control and time management

It’s easy to get discouraged and feel hopeless when taking a look at the common telltale signs of low self-awareness. However, there’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’re not to blame. Starting on the path to self-awareness can be tough, scary, and filled with questions, however it’s a journey well worth the effort in the end. 

How Do I Develop My Self-Awareness?

If you’ve determined that your self-awareness is not that high, you can begin to build it now!  If you manage to improve your metacognition, you can experience a whole-life transformation in numerous areas. You will:

• Start enjoying a more open and fulfilling romantic relationship
• Improve your daily moods
• Clear your mind and enhance your decision making
• Become a more effective communicator
• Boost your productivity

How To Improve Self-Awareness

Explore some of the ways that might help you discover more about yourself:

• Try to pay more attention to both your feelings and the feelings of people around you.
• Start reading high-quality fiction that focuses on both the intrapersonal and interpersonal.
• Attempt to identify your emotional block and the reasons behind it causing unfavorable emotions. 
• Ask those closest to you for feedback and try to take it well and constructively. 
• Try to identify your own cognitive distortions. 
• Clarify the values you stand behind and the reasons for them. 
• Work on your behavioral patterns and emotions with experienced coaches.

And remember – the road to self-awareness can be long and difficult. Attaining it, however, opens up a whole new world of emotional possibilities that can improve your life and your relationships with others, including your romantic partner. 

PIVOT’s Emotional Intimacy Coaching Can Help You Develop Self-Awareness And Build Intimacy

Self-awareness can help you enjoy a healthier, more loving, caring, and supportive relationship with your partner. Also, it can help you prevent some of the common problems that arise in relationships, such as constant emotional projection and the appearance of various defense mechanisms on your part. 

However, it’s important to emphasize one thing – low self-awareness is not your fault, and it’s not something you need to continually blame yourself for. It’s not easy to become aware of and control the deepest depths of your personality. Making the first step toward resolving such issues is brave and very rewarding in the end.If you need assistance raising your self awareness, PIVOT is here to help you in any way we can. Our thoughtful relationship coaches organize introspective and curative individual workshops, as well as caring and invigorating retreats for couples. We want to see your relationship grow and your mutual affection thrive. Reach out to us today!

Lately, you seem to be noticing that something’s off. You don’t know what it is, you can’t pinpoint the exact reason, yet something just doesn’t feel like it used to. Doesn’t feel quite right. There are no visible problems, you and your partner talk, laugh, and spend time together. However, there is a felt sense that something is “off”. 

Have you been exchanging affection? Not just the physical, sexual one; other types of affection? Have you been supportive in both mind and body? Are your unspoken actions just as pleasant  as your spoken ones? Is your body language projecting the same emotions as your words are?

Maybe one or both of you are neglecting nonverbal signs of affection, support, love, and care without an intent to do so. All this could inadvertently foster nonverbal ambivalence in your relationship, which could negatively affect other aspects of your romance. 

What Is Nonverbal Communication?

You know how you can sometimes simply look at your partner, or they you, and you just know what’s up? That’s a form of nonverbal communication. Essentially, nonverbal communication consists of all the messages you exchange with your partner, as well as other people, without actually using any words. 

Nonverbal communication allows us to basically feel how someone is feeling. We can sense another person’s mood or attitude through genuine nonverbal communication methods. 

The Methods Of Nonverbal Communication

Some of the most common types of nonverbal communication methods include: 

• Facial expressions
• Body posture and movement
• Gestures
• Eye contact
• Personal space
• Touch
• Tone of voice

Through any of these channels of nonverbal communication, you can achieve the following: 

• Repetition: Repeating the message you’re trying to convey. 
• Contradiction: Contradicting the message you’re sending, confusing the listener. 
• Substitution: Substituting a message you would otherwise send out verbally. 
• Complementing: Complementing and adding to a notion you want to convey verbally. 
• Accenting: Underlining the importance of a verbal message you want to send. 

In a relationship, it’s impossible to emphasize the importance of the nonverbal. It plays a huge role in strengthening the feeling of love, affection, and connection. A light touch, a warm smile, or an unconsciously open posture convey the feeling of warmth and love. 

And that’s what makes nonverbal communication an integral part of a satisfying and fulfilling relationship – knowing your partner’s feelings and affection without having to hear them. Sensing your partner, knowing, not listening and acknowledging. 

How Does Nonverbal Communication Affect My Relationship?

Depending on you or your partner’s behavior, the nonverbal aspects of your relationship can have both a positive and a negative effect on your romance. 

Each look, tilt, sigh, and smile are capable of conveying a wealth of emotions we leave to others to interpret. The way you and your partner communicate with each other nonverbally can achieve different effects in your relationship:

• Conflict: Misinterpreted nonverbal cues can lead to rising conflicts in your relationship. For example, sharing a secret with your partner only to be welcomed by a frown might seem like disapproval. However, the same frown can also signal concentration. 
• Discomfort: Sometimes, certain nonverbal behaviors can lead to you or your partner feeling discomfort. The most common causes of discomfort can be the invasion of personal space in certain situations or a misinterpreted tone of voice. 
• Closeness: However, nonverbal communication can also lead to a deepened feeling of closeness and love between you and your partner. A reassuring smile, a warm touch, and a soft embrace are incredibly beneficial to a relationship. 
• Understanding: Finally, implementing nonverbal cues to accent the messages you send to your partner will enhance their understanding of your words and create a deeper sense of communication and connection. 

How Do I Improve My Nonverbal Communication In A Relationship?

When you’re in a relationship, you want to express your feelings freely. However, sending out certain nonverbal messages can cause your messages of love and understanding to become misinterpreted for what they are not. 

With nonverbal communication being one of the cornerstones of happy and successful communication, the effort placed into improving it could bring you and your partner close together. You can understand each other better or learn how to recognize your partner’s feelings even when they don’t express them openly.

4 Ways To Improve Nonverbal Communication In Your Intimate Relationship

Here are the four techniques that can help you improve nonverbal communication in your romantic relationship: 

• Be expressive: Why shy away from expressing the full scope of your love, affection, and care toward your partner? Look them in the eye, smile, and touch them to support your words of love. Hold their hand as you watch a movie or give them a long hug before going to bed. Show them what you’re feeling without the words. 
• Pay attention: However, it’s not just about giving, it’s also about paying attention to how your partner is feeling through their use of nonverbal cues. Be attentive, try to sense what they’re feeling, or ask them if you’re unsure. Show them that you’re there, that you care, and that you’re ready to help. 
• Positive disagreements: If a disagreement happens, try to prevent it from blowing out of proportion and into a full-scale argument through use of positive nonverbal communication. Also, using negative cues, such as eye-rolls can serve to escalate the disagreement. 
• Surprise: Surprise your partner with unexpected nonverbal shows of affection. Hug them when they’re not expecting it, give them a kiss before work, and do all other manners of affectionate actions to show them how you feel. 
• Reach out to relationship coaches: No matter how hard you try, you still feel that something is off? You can’t express yourself or understand your partner’s nonverbal cues? Reaching out to professionals may be the right choice for you and your relationship. Experienced coaches can help you delve deeper into what’s holding you back. Change is possible, you just need to learn what’s holding you back and how to free yourself from old wounds. 

Turn To PIVOT’s Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop And Avoid Ambivalence In Your Relationship

Sometimes, even with all the words and talks, you’re left feeling unfulfilled. This is a time when your intuition may kick in, signalling there’s maybe something wrong, telling you it’s time to make a change in your relationship. What is it, what is that one ever-escaping thing you feel is missing, yet you simply can’t put your finger on?

Oftentimes, if something simply feels off, it might be less about the verbal, and all about the nonverbal aspects of your relationship. You and your partner have simply fallen into a string of unsatisfying nonverbal communication patterns that you’re struggling to break. Luckily, you can easily resolve this by, surprisingly, talking. PIVOT is here to help you communicate your lack of touch, feel, and look through either restorative and invigorating individual workshops or bond-strengthening and supportive retreats for couples. Our relationship advocates are trained and caring professionals who will help you get through your rough patch. Give us a call today!

Although it may sound like a tired cliche, make no mistake – communication truly is the key to a successful relationship. When it’s going smoothly, both you and your partner feel like you’re being heard and acknowledged. This enables you to freely share experiences, thoughts, and feelings with one another, strengthens your bond, and builds trust. 

On the other hand, clashing communication strategies can lead to the withdrawal from the other person. This can seriously undermine the relationship and ultimately end in breakup or divorce. This is why it’s important to spot communication breakdowns and work on resolving them.

Start by learning more about healthy communication, ways to identify potential problems between you and your partner, and how to adopt a more effective strategy to connect with them.

What Are The Four Communication Styles?

Some partners communicate effortlessly while others seem to be speaking different languages. The reason behind this could be different communication styles. While every individual may use all four styles at different times and with different people, each person typically tends to favor one of them. You can often notice this from the moment you meet them. Each style also comes with its set of non-verbal cues that help get the message across. By learning to recognize which one you and your partner use most often, you may realize how to communicate more effectively.

These are the four commonly known styles of communication:

• Passive: Passive communicators usually lack initiative and go along with what others say. They shy away from conflict by handing over their autonomy. In a relationship, they feel more comfortable when the partner makes decisions and takes charge. They tend to avoid arguments, keeping their dissatisfaction to themselves. The characteristics of passive body language are breaking eye contact and acting nervously.
• Aggressive: These people typically communicate in a domineering way. They assert their needs, make demands, and take the lead. They usually dominate the conversation, paying little attention to what the other person has to say. They’re openly confrontational and even combative. Their body language is often intimidating and their tone of voice can be harsh.
• Passive-aggressive: This is a person that sends mixed messages. Instead of being direct, they use sarcastic remarks and indirect criticism to convey their resentment. For example, they may be punishing their partner with the silent treatment while insisting that everything is okay. They can act like they’re fine, but throw in veiled remarks when the other person least expects it.
• Assertive: This is the healthiest communication style that most people aspire to achieve. Assertive communicators are able to express themselves calmly, directly, and openly while also respecting the other person’s points of view. They come off as self-assured but non-threatening.

What Are Some Bad Communication Patterns?

Everyone is likely to use some negative communication strategies from time to time. These methods are largely ineffective because they antagonize, disrespect, or hurt the other person. Instead of bringing you closer together, they drive a wedge between you and your partner.

So, knowing how to identify them and what tactics to apply istead can help you strengthen rather than weaken your relationship. These are some examples of unproductive techniques:

• Not listening: Thinking only about what you have to say without paying attention to the other person’s point of view is a recipe for disaster. In successful conversations, the people are on equal footing, both sharing and receiving information. The person who isn’t heard feels underappreciated while the other partner misses out on understanding their loved one better.
• Being disrespectful: Insults are hurtful and detrimental to self-esteem. Calling your partner names and “hitting below the belt” never leads to a satisfactory resolution of conflict. Instead, it drives you farther apart and seriously jeopardizes your relationship.
• Criticizing on a personal level: Personal criticism feels like an outright attack. It’s embarrassing, belittling, and painful. As an alternative, address the problem calmly and directly while focusing on the behavior that bothers you, not the person. Saying you’d like your partner to help with chores is much more effective than calling them good-for-nothing.
• Acting defensively: When facing criticism, many people resort to defensiveness. You or your partner may make excuses for your behavior or flat out deny it. However, this is unproductive because you don’t give yourself the opportunity to hear your partner out and identify an area where you could improve. And vice versa. 
• Shutting down: Some individuals tend to get back at their partners by giving them the silent treatment, also known as stonewalling. This is very frustrating for the other person who’s trying to reach them and iron out the problems. 

How Do I Improve Communication In My Relationship?

Communication skills can be greatly improved, especially with the help of relationship coaching. Here are a few things to try that can help you convey your message more successfully and be happier in your relationship:

• Don’t assume they’ll read your mind and don’t attempt to read theirs. Openness and direct communication with a focus on care for the other person is the goal. If you believe there’s something they’re not disclosing, ask them about it.
• Think everything through before you start a difficult conversation. Let your feelings subside before you do anything rash and hurt your partner with insults. It’s much better than apologizing and saying you didn’t really mean it after damage is done.
• Consider consulting with a relationship coach. If you and your partner keep failing to communicate, maybe you need a neutral third party to assist you. With professional help, you can uncover negative communication patterns, as well as other potential problems that may be holding you and your partner back. 

What Relationship Coaching Program Can Help Me Spot Love Avoidance Characteristics?

Learn how to become an assertive communicator at PIVOT. Our eye-opening process of pivoting gives participants a better understanding of themselves and their attachment styles, helping them build close, lasting bonds. 

If you join our rewarding individual workshop sessions, our caring relationship advocates will be there to offer you expert guidance. Couples can also find healthy techniques to cope with outside pressures and take their relationship to the next level by taking part in our helpful couples workshop. 

Learn how to improve your self-awareness and re-discover your inner strength by reaching out to us today.

When you’re meeting someone for the first time, you cannot know if the person will be just an acquaintance or someone who’ll have a profound impact on your life. There are many factors that may influence how you perceive this person and whether you wish to get to know them better. 

And how do first impressions affect a romantic relationship? Why do people find it hard to let go of them further down the road? Discover the importance of first impressions and potentially learn to overcome them in a reliable relationship coaching retreat for singles. 

Does First Impression Matter In A Relationship?

Since this initial opinion of the new person determines whether or not you decide to pursue a closer relationship with them, it is often crucial. First impressions are typically tough to override, so people may only have this one chance to form the basis for a future relationship. While it is no guarantee, if you establish rapport with the new person, a fulfilling bond may develop from there. 

How Important Are First Impressions In A Relationship?

Unless you have other reliable information about the person, you base your whole perception of them on your first impression. Unsurprisingly, it’ll be the deciding factor in whether or not you decide to get closer to them. This means that these early opinions have a huge impact on the start of the relationship. However, they also go beyond this. 

They may also have far-reaching consequences if a person comes to realize that their partner didn’t measure up to their original expectations. Sometimes, a partner’s failure to live up to this idealized image may lead to the end of the relationship.

How Are First Impressions Formed?

People typically form their first impressions in a matter of seconds and without thinking about it. Although they may not realize it, their inner judge of character is on call, detecting subtle signals and forming opinions of the new people they meet. 

Many factors play into forming first impressions, including societal, cultural, and personal influences. Apart from paying attention to what they’re saying, non-verbal cues play a huge part in forming an opinion of someone. For example, someone who is smiling and exhibiting open body language (uncrossed arms and legs), is more likely to make a good impression. People often have a positive bias toward those who are conventionally attractive and well-dressed too. 

There’s also a tendency to form positive perceptions of those that share a certain commonality with us. For example, people can bond over their taste in music or movies, their similar sense of style, or another shared interest or trait.

Why Do We Hold Onto Our First Impressions In A Relationship?

As the relationship progresses and partners get to know each other more, they often realize that their first impressions of each other were wrong. Since they’re often idealized images of the partner, they aren’t sustainable in the long run. 

For example, a person may be drawn to their partner’s determined and outspoken nature at first. Then, over time, they may start to think of them as a pushy know-it-all. Or, someone could initially admire their partner’s easy going personality only to get disappointed with their lack of responsibility. 

This creates cognitive dissonance. This is a sense of discomfort that happens when someone realizes something that clashes with their existing beliefs. It’s usually difficult to accept that they misjudged the other person and people employ different tactics to deal with this realization. 

One strategy that people use is denial. They may simply refuse to accept the truth and hold onto the image of their partner as strong-willed instead of forceful for as long as they can. Another way to deal with the dissonance is placing blame. The person will accuse the partner of disappointing them. Finally, some people will acknowledge the realization they’ve made and determine if it’s a deal breaker or something they can live with. This is the healthiest strategy to adopt.

Are Our First Impressions Of A Potential Partner Right?

They may or may not be, depending on the particular situation. However, most people do tend to put on rose-colored glasses in the very beginning of their relationship. 

These idealized views of your partner are fueled by the novelty and excitement of a new relationship. When these feelings wear off, you can come to a deeper understanding of their partner as a person. While this will shatter some illusions about your partner, it’s also an opportunity for you to grow closer, understand each other better, and strengthen as a couple.

It’s all about being honest with yourself and trusting your feelings and thoughts. If you notice that there’s something that rubs you the wrong way in your relationship, it’s a good idea to acknowledge and explore this. You may realize that even though your partner doesn’t live up to your initial expectations, they may be able to work on it or provide you with something even more valuable. Alternatively, you may decide to move on and seek romantic fulfillment with another person. 

Where Can I Join A Couples Workshop for Deepening a Relationship?

PIVOT offers a comprehensive curriculum that will guide you through the process of growing into a Healthy Adult. Our dedicated relationship advocates will help you develop greater self-awareness and find the inner strength to overcome challenges in your relationship and other areas of life. 

By working through your early painful experiences, you’ll get to know yourself better and adopt healthy strategies for coping with psychological challenges. You’ll also discover how to communicate with your partner more effectively, form a mutually fulfilling connection, and protect your relationship from external pressures. Sign up for one of our healing individual coaching sessions to break away from harmful patterns. We’ll provide you with the tools and resources that will aid your personal journey. We also recommend a rejuvenating stay at our Glass House retreat. Give us a call to get started.

Even compatible couples face some bumps in the road from time to time. Relationship success isn’t measured by whether or not problems arise because they likely will at times. It’s actually about navigating these issues together in a healthy and effective way. Challenges may actually strengthen the bonds between you and your partners if they find productive ways of dealing with them as a couple.

Getting to know more about the causes and effects of these pressures is the first step to overcoming relationship challenges. Find out how to recognize the root causes and signs of relationship tension, learn how external factors can affect a couple, and discover healthy strategies for overcoming these difficulties.

What Is Tension In A Relationship?

Relationship tension manifests itself as negative emotions concerning the partner and the relationship. You could be anxious and worried about your future together. It can be caused by a wide variety of internal and external factors. For example, realizing that your partner doesn’t live up to the first impression you had of them can generate tension. Or, interfering family members can put a pressure on the relationship.

Is Tension Normal In A Relationship?

While some movies and social media would have you believe otherwise, all couples have their ups and downs. To an extent, tension is an integral part of life. This means loving, healthy relationships will also face difficulties. It’s how you handle them that determines whether their relationship will disintegrate or continue thriving. If the tension is overwhelming and affects the partners’ mental well-being, relationship coaching can help them communicate better and overcome it.

What Are Internal Relationship Pressures?

Internal pressures can come from different sources, such as:

• Personal differences: Different religions, backgrounds, and upbringing can be points of contention between you and your partner. However, if you react to them with curiosity and then acceptance, these issues don’t have to negatively affect the relationship.
• Miscommunication: Differences in communication styles can cause serious misunderstandings. Not being able to listen and share effectively makes it very difficult to work together on overcoming problems.
• Skewed power dynamic: One partner tends to dominate the dynamic while the other one puts their needs aside for the sake of preserving the relationship. This inequality often results in tension and dissatisfaction. 
• Failed expectations: Conflict usually arises when you or your partner’s initial expectations aren’t met. For example, you may love your partner’s spontaneity at first and then realize that you actually find them disorganized and lazy after a while. You may then feel angry and betrayed.
• Suspicion and jealousy: These feelings can make the person insecure, fearful of the future, and controlling of their partner. It can lead to arguments, growing distrust, and finally cause the partners to grow apart.

What Are External Factors In Relationships?

There are many outside factors that can put a strain on a relationship, including:

• Financial difficulties, like being in debt or going bankrupt.
• School or work-related tension, such as unemployment, the stress of an important exam, or the challenges of a high-pressure career.
• Family members who meddle by not approving of the relationship or turning the partners against each other. 
• Health issues, which may mean that the bulk of the work and care for one partner will fall on the other one.
• A loved one’s illness or passing, which can devastate the couple and lead to dissatisfaction in other areas of life.
• Political conflicts and natural disasters, which can be extremely threatening and affect the couple emotionally, socially, and financially.

Can Outside Stress Ruin A Relationship?

Unfortunately, external pressures can deeply undermine a relationship and destroy it. Stress that originates from things that are beyond your control, like intense job demands and health problems, easily spills over into the relationship. 

When you and your partner are affected by outside stressors, you tend to think, feel, and do things that you otherwise wouldn’t. For example, it can make you hypersensitive and argumentative over small, insignificant things. Stressed people often react impulsively and blow things out of proportion. 

You can also vent your frustrations by taking them out on the people closest to you, including your partner. While looking for an outlet during stressful times is advisable and healthy, picking fights with your partner is an ineffective way to do so. 

How Do You Fix Tension In A Relationship?

These are some strategies to use to alleviate relationship tension:

• Show your affection: It’s easy to forget to show your partner that you care during times of stress. However, it’s advisable to still find time for each other and give one another the support you need.
• Work on your communication skills: Convey your opinions and feelings clearly, both verbally and using your body language. Relationship coaching can be very helpful when it comes to achieving this.
• Realistic expectations: Get your expectations in check.  Try not to have unrealistic expectations on your partner being responsible for your feelings.  Each of you are responsible for how you are choosing to communicate.
• Calm down before you talk things through: Try to decompress before you have a conversation with your partner. Discussing things with a clear head is usually more productive. Also, this may give you a better insight into the situation. 

Can I Solve Relationship Problems By Finding Solutions At A  Retreat?

Here at PIVOT, trained relationship advocates are committed to helping individuals and couples overcome the hurdles that stand in their way. We can provide you with a tailored coaching plan based on our extensive curriculum. As part of our carefully designed individual coaching program, you’ll learn how to recognize the root causes of your current challenges, resolve them, and attach to your partner securely.

By joining our Glass House retreat program for a 5-day stay, you’ll get to work with Master PIVOT advocates and go over a personalized plan. This experience includes one-on-one, group, and experiential coaching sessions as well as meditation, yoga, and balanced nutrition. We host up to six clients at a time to make sure each one receives the unique support they need. Become aware of the underlying causes of your behavior and gain inner strength to resolve the issues that you’re experiencing in your relationship. Join our programs to work through your early wounds and find an effective way to attain peace of mind.

“One aspect of the PIVOT process that I truly appreciate is the emphasis on the entire human experience – and not just speaking to labels. Because it’s not about what’s wrong with you. It’s about what happened to you. The PIVOT process empowers clients with life-affirming tools to connect the dots about why you do what you do – and offers tangible and practical solutions,” says PIVOT Coach and former PIVOT client Fernando. He explains that many individuals turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, and other addictions to endure and survive trauma. Part of the multi-faceted process of overcoming addiction is to discover healthier and more productive ways to live in the world.

Beyond Childhood Trauma

The PIVOT process, continues Fernando, goes deeper into developmental psychology than a lot of other work he has witnessed in his career as a behavioral health professional, former professor, and supervisor to newer clinicians. Although much trauma originates in childhood, he explains that we also confront adversity when interacting with society, government, natural catastrophes, and personal issues that can’t be traced to our early years. Coach Fernando asserts that it’s also important to note that relational problems – including attachment wounds -can start in adulthood. One of Fernando’s clients, for example, had a happy and healthy childhood. Yet this client had to work through the severe trauma that began in adulthood resulting from his mother’s sudden and untimely death.

Says Fernando: “We’re all about relationships. Nobody lives on an island in a vacuum. We must relate and interact with people in our communities, our families, our workplace, and in our social circles. That’s why relational work is essential to overall well-being.”

Complete Circle

“Lori Jean’s Relational Circle Boundaries is Ph.D. level boundary work, yet it’s presented so simply. I have a master’s degree in counseling and am a voracious reader, and I’ve never seen boundary work presented in such a user-friendly way,” says Fernando.

He adds that it’s important to look at the whole perspective, which is a focus in the PIVOT process, and not be pulled into all-or-nothing thinking. “What I’ve learned and what we teach here about boundaries is that in lieu of merely having on and off switches, we can install dimmer switches. Doing so allows us to give each of our relationships the energy it deserves based on these layers and categories of boundaries.” He says that every PIVOT Coach is educated and certified in the PIVOT process, and many of these Coaches were previously PIVOT clients, too. Couples, families, and business professionals have also greatly benefited from the process.

Fernando says the process has helped him understand himself with much greater clarity and has provided him with life-changing repair tools to forge ahead. “So many people come here with a keen awareness of what’s wrong and a list of labels. Yet they don’t know what to do or what steps to take to move forward. It wasn’t until many of my clients were introduced to the PIVOT process that they could fully see themselves – and understand why they are the way they are.”

Optimized for Organization

“People who have experienced the PIVOT process – including myself – feel a lot more organized internally. Instead of feeling like I had a big mess inside my brain, I was able to organize the different parts of myself. Although this knowledge alone didn’t take anything away, my brain and my heart was tidied up. The work I did allowed me to gain a greater understanding of what happened during instrumental periods in my life; how it impacted me and others; where I am today; and where to go from here.”

One benefit to the one-week intensive at the PIVOT Glass House, according to Fernando, is the way in which the program is sequenced. Considerable thought was devoted to the way the PIVOT program – which was developed over a nine-year-period in a residential clinical setting – is curated and introduced to clients. He also says that the ability to participate in groups, one-on-one, and experiential sessions offers clients optimal benefits. “The bottom line,” explains Fernando, “is that we want to identify, restore, and repair. This process is our responsibility – and cannot be delegated to our partner or anyone else. We must be ready and willing to do our work to heal.”

He explains that we must embrace self-love before we can truly help others. “It’s important to give to others from your overflow – and not from an empty glass. If your glass is overflowing, you can give to others without ever feeling empty.”