Author: Lori Jean Glass

Having endured years of challenges, you probably expect instant relief from the constant drama with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. Nevertheless, as you’ve probably realized, it’s not that easy. Having a healthy divorce isn’t an impossible venture, especially when you both agree to move on with your life and leave the resentment behind.  

However, dealing with divorce guilt and resentment can be difficult, and people choose different ways to cope with it. That being said, some approaches are simply unhealthy or not worthwhile, and can stem from unresolved personal issues in the past. 

One way to avoid further misunderstanding and to heal is to find an effective means of communication during the process. Keep on reading to learn how to part ways somewhat peacefully and keep the conversation open during the process.  

How Do You End A Marriage Peacefully?

Prospects of an amicable divorce largely depend on your willingness to let go of the past resentment, the readiness to take responsibility for your own actions, and the acceptance of your own and the independence of your spouse. You may enter this process of separation without actually aiming to end your marriage, yet you may suddenly realize that it’s the best thing to do. Either way, the key to a peaceful separation lies in communication. 

Try to set some ground rules to keep your communication flowing smoothly. Consider the following tips: 

Avoid Unnecessary Communication

You may tend to reach out to your ex too often or try to get in touch with them when it’s not necessary. While this may be your way of dealing with the guilt or pain, it can have an adverse effect on your spouse, especially if they need some time apart. If you still want to communicate with your spouse, make sure to do it only when it’s absolutely necessary. This is typically if you have a history of bitter arguments.  If you have children together, come up with a plan you both agree on to spend time with them separately and if you can, also with them together. 

Pick The Best Mode Of Communication

Some people prefer to communicate in person, while others find it easier to communicate via text message or email. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to choosing the best mode of communication. It all depends on what works best for you and your ex-spouse. AND, you will most likely need to compromise.

Reduce Your Time On Social Media

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it allows you to stay in touch with your friends and family members who live far away. On the other hand, it can be a major source of drama, particularly if you’re going through a divorce.

If you find yourself spending too much time on social media, it may be time to take a break. This will not only provide you with some much-needed self-care, it will also assist you in avoiding any unpleasant conflict with your ex-spouse. And, whatever you do, be healthy and refrain from mentioning the divorce or challenges on social media for anyone to see.  This can really harm a family system.

Avoid Arguments And Angry Outbursts

When you’re communicating with your ex-spouse, it’s important to avoid any arguments or angry exchanges of words. If you find yourself getting upset, take a step back and calm down before continuing the conversation. 

You don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, it’s perfectly normal to disagree on certain things, especially when you’re going through a marital breakup. What’s important is that you remain respectful of each other’s opinions and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Stop Digging Up The Past

If you want to move on from your divorce, it’s important to stop dwelling on the past. This means that you need to avoid bringing up old arguments or disagreements. It’s also important to let go of any resentment or bitterness that you may be feeling, even when infidelity has contributed to your split. 

Holding onto negativity will only hinder your ability to communicate effectively. Consider the bigger picture and keep your mind on the future, regardless of how uncertain it may seem. 

Keep Other Family Members Out Of It 

When you’re getting divorced, it’s important to keep your family members out of the loop. Avoid involving them in any arguments or disagreements that you may have with your ex-spouse. If you have children, it’s also important to pick an adequate way to talk about divorce with them and minimize the shock it may produce. 

Can You Talk To Your Spouse During A Divorce?

Talking to each other is key to keeping things civil and honest. However, if there are still too many painful things that need to be addressed and resolved, it might be wise to proceed with caution. If your conversations used to be centered around confrontation, anger, and shaming, you may need some time to step back and take a deep breath. 

What Do You Talk About During A Divorce?

It might make sense to write a list of topics you can discuss without repeating the cycle of negative exchange. Although there might be some topics that are off-limits, in general, you may try to communicate with your ex-spouse about the following:

• Your schedule, custody, and parenting plan
• Financial concerns
• Legal aspects of your divorce
• Emotional support for yourself and your children

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex-spouse, you may want to consider hiring a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who can assist you in resolving any disagreements that you may have. Another option is to let your lawyers do the talking. This can be beneficial if you’re not able to have a civil conversation with your ex-spouse.

Should You Stay In Touch With Your Ex?

The question of whether it’s good or bad to end all contact with your ex also depends on the nature of your relationship. If you have separated or divorced on amicable terms and have to share parental responsibilities, it is typically best to have a channel of communication open. If your relationship was and still is fraught with anxiety, guilt, avoidance, and toxic behavior in general, it might be better to keep a healthy distance. 

Can You Be Friends After Getting Divorced?

Finally,  it’s important to ask yourself if you can be friends with your ex after getting divorced. In some cases, it may be possible to develop a friendship, whereas in other cases, it might be best to move on and focus on your own life.

The decision of whether or not to be friends with your ex is a personal one. There is no right or wrong answer. You’ll need to decide what’s best for you, based on your own situation and relationship.

Can I Get Help Dealing With Divorce Guilt From a Relationship Coach Online?

Finding a healthy way to communicate, and to have a constructive, adult conversation, rather than delve into conflict isn’t likely to be learned overnight. When you want to PIVOT from your old ways and lead a more fulfilling life, our relationship coaches can help you with individual coaching in a live or online setting. We also have ample experience helping couples with a number of intensive workshops aimed at restoring intimacy in their relationship, improving their communication, or helping them accept their differences. 

If you’re going through divorce trauma, or can’t let go of the resentment and grief, you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances. Give us a call and we’ll accompany you on your journey to recovery.

Infidelity is without a doubt one of the most difficult things you can encounter in a marriage or in a long-term relationship. It can completely destroy the trust you have in your partner and do great harm to your intimate relationship. However, whether it’s going to end in a marital breakup depends on a multitude of things. 

While it may seem like a drastic action to pursue, divorce is often the only adequate answer to address emotional neglect, and infidelity. Coping with a divorce after infidelity may pose yet another challenge, as it often uncovers some deeply entrenched insecurities and unhealthy emotional and behavioral patterns. Often, it ends up being equally painful for the unfaithful spouse as for the one that is cheated on. Here you’ll be able to take a look at this problem from different angles. 

Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity?

This is a good question to ask, as not all people react in the same way to their partner cheating on them. While many choose to draw the line and separate, many still decide to make a compromise for the sake of their children and career, the realization that the “lack of trust” started before the betrayal and both partners have contributed to the downfall, and/or to preserve their feeling of stability. It’s worth asking if you forgive your unfaithful husband or wife, will you stand a chance, and will things get back to normal? 

Can A Marriage Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

Wondering how to stop divorce and desperately seek gettng things back to normal might seem harder than expected. You may not know how to cope with divorce, especially when it’s unwanted. In truth, people who are too afraid of leaving their spouse due to infidelity might turn a blind eye. Unfortunately, this can turn into a vicious cycle that can end up repeating itself.  

How Does Cheating Affect Divorce? 

It all depends on how far you went with your emotional breakup. If you have already separated physically and emotionally, it can only serve as a final indication that you might not get back together. It may speed up the legal aspect of the process. The unfaithful spouse could end up with some legal consequences – depending on where they live and what the laws are.  There are also psychological effects that divorce has on both parties. It can be accompanied by grief, guilt, anxiety, anger, and identity crisis.

Should You Divorce An Unfaithful Partner?

That is your call.  It is important for you to look at yourself,  your partner, and the relationship from a Whole Perspective – at PIVOT we use that term to define; spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, and financial.  Divorce may sound like the only feasible option if your partner is emotionally neglectful, abusive, and has cheated on you. In other words, if this is just an example of repeated and persistent behavior, your relationship is most likely in question. However, things can be much more nuanced. You could be dealing with emotional and financial, not strictly sexual infidelity. Whether their unfaithfulness was a one-time fling or a series of affairs, accepting that your marriage is over is not easy. And, do you play any role in what has happened?  

Your decision might depend on whether the following statements are true or not:

• Your partner doesn’t show or feel remorse for their actions
• You still have strong and genuine emotions for each other
• They are still in contact with the person they cheated on you with
• Whether they’re ready to accept their share of responsibility and actively work to improve your relationship
• Whether you are willing to patiently work with them and recuperate the relationship 
• Whether you can still imagine each other fulfilling your roles in the relationship
• Whether or not you are able to look at your part in the spiral down

Although it might be a blow to your self-esteem, a fair estimate by your spouse might be that you’re drifting apart. They might suggest that you take a break, separate, or try out an open relationship. Either way, it’s up to you to weigh the prospects of each scenario and see whether you can stand the test of time. 

Is An Affair The End Of A Marriage?

An affair doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of your marriage. However, it can be the start of a period of a marital crisis that can end in splitting up, divorcing, or reconciliation. Both infidelity and divorce are traumatic events that can disrupt your everyday life – how you see yourself, the trust you had in your spouse, and how you relate to people around you. Moreover, it’s hard to say whether your relationship will recover if you decide to stay married. 

Affairs usually serve the purpose of reviving the feeling of early infatuation. It’s usually there to add excitement to your emotional and sexual life, to fulfill the needs that are not met in your marriage, active addition to substances or relationships, and most of the time includes untreated trauma. Most affairs can be prevented if you’re truthful and cater to the excitement in your own relationship and treat any mental health related challenges..  

Understand that often, affairs happen because childhood attachment wounds drive desperate behavior to have connection.  When relationships get to the point where they become routine and it’s “not enough” to fulfill the wounds of the past, some people turn to others to fulfill the unmet longing.  Then the partner who is cheated on will want to divorce, which is understandable because of the betrayal, and the partner who cheated repeats the pattern of being abandoned and neglected.  It’s a relational cycle that is painful until the wounds are treated. 

Can You Have An Amicable Divorce After Infidelity? 

Infidelity might be only a symptom of underlying issues and it’s a good question if there’s room for a healthy divorce. If you decide to approach your marriage with an open heart, you may see signs that things weren’t going well for a longer time than you’d initially assume. However, even when one of you feels betrayed, there might be a chance for a healthy and amicable divorce.  

This TAKES TIME.  It’s hard to access compassion when you are betrayed. And, over time, if the person who has betrayed the other understands their “why”, then there may be a opening for understanding.  

Recognize Your Differences

While you don’t have to automatically forgive your partner for cheating on you, you can start by accepting that you have different views and needs. However painful it might be, you may come to realize that you no longer tick all the boxes for each other. While you were functioning just fine in the past, you could’ve changed so much that you no longer recognize the other person. And, there may be untreated trauma that is driving the behavior. 

Focus On Your Needs

Be frank about your needs and seek out resources that will help you cope with the situation. Try not to play the blame game and adapt to the situation instead. It is most likely going to be challenging, so you need to take time, breathe, and respect your tempo. It’s a tall order to not play the blame game so, after you spend sometime getting your justifiable anger released, you can focus on your needs.

Use The Opportunity To Learn

It’s probably not the best idea to try to retaliate by entering a rebound relationship. Use your new single life as a position where you can learn about your emotions. Although painful, it may be a milestone that can further strengthen your self-esteem. You can think of it as a personal project or one major exam in your lifelong journey of self-growth. Whether you have a habit or not, write a diary of your thoughts and feelings, and monitor your progress.  LEARN from your experience regardless of which side of the coin you are on.  If you jump into something new, you might miss the lesson. 

Communicate & Cooperate

Keep the communication with your ex open and honest. If you have to co-parent, you’ll want to do your best to act as a united parental unit, with the goal that your children get the best of the new situation. It will be challenging, yet you all deserve to get healthier from the trauma.  It is HARD to co-parent after you have been cheated on.  And, it doesn’t seem fair that you have to communicate and be honest with someone who has betrayed you. However, if you don’t put your kids first, you will end with with complicated challenges that can create more problems in the long run. 

Find Support

Infidelity and divorce are emotionally charged events that can be overwhelming for an individual to handle. While you may know examples of people who have divorced or survived their partner’s infidelity with the appearance that it is no big deal, know this…you don’t have to suffer in silence. Find someone you can talk to, and lean on support from family, friends, or professionals. Allow yourself time to heal. 

How Do You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity?

If you have decided that staying together and working on your marriage is worth it, you may want to focus on the following: 

• Discover the WHY – why did this happen?
• Allow for time to heal.  Have realistic expectations
• Work actively on your common ground and what brought you together
• Be willing to question some of your own views and impulses
• Put effort into reviving your passion and finding what you love in one another
• Plan quality time together and encourage romantic gestures
• Gain better insight into the distractions and things that pull you away from each other
• Get a better grasp of your time and plan ahead
• Surprise each other and encourage spontaneity

Where Can I Learn How To Cope With Divorce Or Resolve Intimacy Problems In My Relationship?

There’s no need to go through the guilt and aggravation of divorce on your own. Relationship coaches at PIVOT have ample knowledge to assist you through one-on-one sessions designed for divorced individuals. With our help, you may uncover hidden patterns of behavior, thinking, and feeling, and find ways to break away from the cycles of failed relationships and disappointment. We can help with co-creating parenting plans regardless of if you stay together or not.  Long-term couples who are seeking ways to renew intimacy and passion after physical separation or emotional detachment can rely on Glass House intimacy in marriage intensives. 

With many years of experience, we’d be happy to accompany you on your journey to a healthier mindset. To find out more about our programs and how we can accommodate you, don’t hesitate to contact us today!

Separation and divorce are typically emotionally charged and challenging events. Marital breakup mostly arises from complicated circumstances. Knowing how to deal with divorce and how to seek emotional support is the key to making this experience less traumatic and can help you manage the negative effects of it. Continue reading to see how you can end your marriage on healthier terms and without the burden of guilt and mutual resentment. 

How Can I Have A Healthy Divorce?

Marital misunderstandings, conflicts, and bickering can be quite messy. Nevertheless, imagining a scenario where getting divorced is considered healthier than staying together might be a challenge. However, keep in mind that divorce isn’t negative or positive by definition. It can simply be the final proof that things haven’t worked out between you and your significant other. Moving on might seem like an optimal solution for an otherwise irreparable situation. 

However, knowing how to accept divorce and move on is sometimes easier said than done. In truth, many breakups are complicated, mixed with anger, fear, and anxiety. Consequently, many people find it hard to emotionally cope with divorce and reach acceptance. 

There are some ways to recognize a healthy marital breakup:

• You don’t battle each other or try to have the upper hand
• If you have children, you act as a team and prepare together to talk to them openly about the reality of their situation – with compassion 
• You resolve any resentment toward each other
• You don’t talk badly about your ex-spouse, and keep your circle boundaries close at hand 
• You communicate and cooperate with each other
• You have turned from a married couple to close friends

Is It Better To Divorce Or Stay Unhappily Married?

While it might sound counterintuitive, the answer isn’t so straightforward. There are married couples that manage to salvage their relationship after a period of separation, detachment, or resentment. On the other hand, becoming happily divorced after an unhappy marriage is feasible for couples that have grown very far apart. Many couples are still reluctant to leave their marriage because they fear the effects it might leave on their family, children, social circle, and everyday life.  And, money often plays a big role in keeping couples together.

Let’s take a look at the negative and positive side-effects of divorce: 

What Are The Side Effects Of Divorce?

Divorce rarely comes without worries, feelings of loss, and negative effects, making it potentially traumatic. Surviving divorce without suffering emotionally is quite unrealistic. And, a marital breakup is likely to bring the following side effects: 

• Grief, depression, or guilt for being unable to save your marriage can accompany the initial excitement of your newly found independence.
• A great deal of anxiety and fear of the unknown, as you’ve left a less-than-perfect, although somewhat familiar position of an unhappy relationship.
• You may go through sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do with your time.
• Financial stresses can impact a family system in many ways. Money challenges and differences often takes a front row seat in a divorce. 
• Your children need more than just an explanation, and you have to do a lot of reassuring and healthy actions tto help them with the transition..
• Changes in your social circle, with some of your mutual friends picking one side or the other, or other married couples distancing themselves from both of you. 

What Are The Pros Of Divorce?

Of course, leaving an unhappy marriage can be seen as a benefit in itself. And, there are stages of separation and divorce you need to consider. Here are some early advantages:

• Less conflict and tension for everyone involved. Leaving a toxic or emotionally neglectful relationship will give you a break from constant arguing. It will also spare your children the tension and will give everyone more clarity and calmness. After a while, they will get used to the new situation.
• Opportunities to learn about and work on yourself. You’ll be more likely to have a fresh look at your strengths and weaknesses, and work on empowering yourself one step at a time. 
• More time for your friends and family. You can use your newly found freedom to spend quality time with family members and friends. 
• Better parenting skills. Although you may feel guilty for your kids initially, if you have reached a reasonable compromise with your ex, you may find that you are able to become more effective in your parenting role.

How Do You Prepare For A Healthy Divorce?

When you make a decision to end your marriage, you may need to tread lightly. Whether you both agree to part ways, or your spouse is unwilling to accept it, you’ll need time to adapt to the new situation and consider all the details. 

Talk It Out

Clear communication with your spouse is paramount in order to have a healthy divorce and ensure you move on without anger, resentment, and anxiety. Make sure to cover all the details and talk about how you feel. Try not to put the blame on them and be open to hearing their side of the story.  

Be On The Same Page

Whether you’re discussing coparenting, financial realities, moving out, sorting out your belongings, or spending time with your friends, it’s important that you work towards understanding each other.  You are on a crossroads and delving into bickering and confrontation might only waste your time and energy. 

Tap Into Your Support Network

You can’t rely only on your devices to get you through a period of uncertainty. To get back on your feet, don’t shy away from reaching out to your family or friends, and find time to speak with a professional coach or counselor. 

Take Care Of Yourself

Whether you choose to part ways or you’re confronted by your spouse who is wanting to end the relationship, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Find ways to spend your free time creatively, or revisit some of the hobbies that you haven’t had the time to take up before. Stick to your routine and be gentle with yourself. 

Where Can I Find A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals Following Divorce?

If you’re recovering from a divorce, PIVOT can help you with experience-based individual coaching sessions for divorcees. We can help you identify unhealthy patterns of behavior and emotion, and work with you to develop new strategies in relating to yourself and others. Married couples who are considering rekindling their relationship after separation or divorce can find support with relationship advocates in our Glass House workshops for reconnection. 

Our relationship coaches have many years of experience helping couples and individuals reach valuable insights and make significant changes. Give us a call today and find out more about how to start a new phase in your emotional life.

Marriage separation is a tough decision to make, and it can be even tougher to follow through with it. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to split up, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves in this situation, struggling to determine whether or not heading toward divorce is the best option. 

There are many factors that go into making the decision to separate or divorce. If you and your spouse are unable to agree on key issues, there are challenges that you are unable to overcome together, and you don’t find your relationship fulfilling, separating may be the best solution for the both of you. 

Know this, if there is still a certain level of love and respect between you and your partner, it may be possible to work things out. 

Can A Separation Save A Marriage?

Sometimes, a separation can provide much-needed time and space for reflection and growth. If both partners are willing to work on communication and rebuilding trust, there’s a good chance that the marriage can be saved. If it uncovers some unhealthy patterns of feeling and behavior from each side, it can show room for improvement.

However, if there is no willingness to work on the relationship, a separation is unlikely to make any difference. In some cases, a separation can actually do more harm than good. If there is already a great deal of animosity between the spouses, living apart may aggravate the situation because issues like custody and visitation rights often lead to conflict. 

There are certain things to consider before separatingThey’ll help you figure out if there’s still hope for the relationship: 

• Were there bitter arguments before you separated?
• Was there a history of jealousy, affairs, or physical confrontation?
• Have you ignored or neglected the signs of emotional detachment? 
• Has the situation become difficult for your children and family? 

What Does A Healthy Separation Look Like? 

A healthy separation is one in which both parties are able to take the time they need to heal and move on. It’s important to have realistic expectations about what a separation can achieve; in many cases, it won’t be possible to completely eliminate all contact or communication, or put the pieces of your relationship back together.

However, it’s possible to create healthy boundaries that allow both parties to move forward. This may involve limiting contact to certain times or places, or establishing rules about what topics can be discussed. 

By respecting each other’s need for space and taking the time to heal, it’s possible to create a healthy separation that provides a foundation for moving on or getting back together.

What Is The First Thing To Do When Separating?

Separating from your spouse is a difficult and emotionally tumultuous process. You may be feeling a range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and relief. 

Here are some of the issues to take care of when you enter the process:

• Get a lawyer: One of the first things  to do when separating is to consult with a lawyer. They can provide you with information about your legal rights and obligations in case you decide to pursue a divorce, and can help you navigate the process. 
• Agree to a communication plan:  Get a plan in place – one that you both will respect – so you are aware of the amount of times and topics that require you to be in contact with one another. 
• Relationship coaching: You can also consider seeking out help from a professional, as this can be a helpful way to deal with the emotional fallout of separation.
• Make sure you have a support network: It’s important to take care of yourself during this time and to reach out to friends and family for support. 

How Long Does The Average Separation Last?

The average separation lasts anywhere from a few months to several years. It often depends on the circumstances surrounding the separation, such as whether or not there are children involved.

The length of the separation also varies depending on how well the couple is able to communicate and work together. If you do decide to make the decision final, the goal is to reach a point where both parties feel comfortable with the arrangement and are able to co-parent effectively.

How Often Do Couples Reconcile After A Separation?

Couples reconcile after separation for different reasons and the rate of reconciliation varies. Some studies suggest that as many as 50% of couples who separated ultimately reconcile.

There are many factors that contribute to whether or not a couple reconciles. These include the length of the separation, the circumstances that led to the separation, the level of conflict in the relationship, and whether or not there is still love and respect between the partners. 

Couples who have only been separated for a short time are more likely to reconcile than those who have been apart for longer. Couples who have separated due to circumstances beyond their control, such as job loss or illness, are also more likely to get back together. By the same token, if there was cheating and repeated patterns of abuse, it’s less likely that the relationship will recuperate.

In general, couples who are able to work through their issues and communicate effectively are more likely to reconcile than those who cannot. Ultimately, every couple is different and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to whether or not they will reconcile after separating.

However, understanding the factors that contribute to reconciliation can help couples make a decision that’s right for them.

Can A Relationship Coach Help Me Deal With Separation?

Men and women who are recovering from a traumatic divorce or separation don’t have to go through this experience on their own. Here at PIVOT, a team of experienced and compassionate coaches can help you through individual retreat programs to overcome the trauma of a failing marriage, and tackle other underlying issues. Married couples are welcome at our Glass House to attend intensive workshops to mitigate tension in their relationship, away from everyday distractions. Give us a call today and we’ll gladly discuss all the details and how we can accommodate you.

Even in the happiest of marriages, there seems to be a risk of the relationship feeling like a chore at times. It’s common to start losing focus while you’re devoted to other responsibilities. That is not to say that you feel resentment or bitterness toward each other, you have just stopped putting any conscious effort to keep the relationship vibrant. 

You may wonder, as many couples do, how you can get back to that point when you were much more invested in each other. Fortunately, there are ways to work against your relationship avoidance and rejuvenate your marriage with some fresh ideas. 

If you’re determined to work on yourself and your relationship, you may need to find ways to think outside the box. This might involve doing things like taking responsibility and allowing yourself to be playful. 

How Do You Get The Excitement Back Into A Relationship?

At the very beginning of your relationship, everything was probably fun and exciting. You were like a newly found, uncharted territory to one another. There were so many secrets to uncover, so many questions to ask, and so many intriguing things to share and learn from each other. 

Inevitably, this was just your initial phase. Your job, parental duties, and other responsibilities have drawn you away from each other, and you might have lost touch with that initial excitement. However, you can work on this with your partner.

While every relationship is different and what might work for you might not be the best course of action for someone else, you may consider the following: 

• Recall when was the last time you experienced something exciting together.
• Check whether there are some things that you postponed in the past that you might like to revisit.
• Appreciate the little things and gestures of your spouse.
• Question some of your rituals and introduce some variations.
• Try reintroducing fun in your everyday conversations.
• Remember to restore your physical connection and fondness.
• Find ways to handle and appreciate your differences in a constructive manner (even light bickering might be a positive way of handling this).

Why Are Surprises Important In Relationships?

One of the most common ways to revive the excitement and affection is by surprising your significant other. It doesn’t only serve to make the other person feel happy. It also shows your forethought and appreciation. However small it might seem, a well-timed surprise can turn their mindset around and get them to be more present in the here and now. 

Surprising your partner has the following benefits: 

• It shows that you’re thoughtful and that you’re not taking them for granted.
• You’re willing to go out of your way to plan and determine what will make them happy.
• It stimulates the curiosity and refreshes your relationship, making you both more prone to try out new things.
• It shows that you’re willing to take risks and step out of your everyday routine, which is of great value for your emotional life. 
• It can greatly boost passion and bring you closer together.

How Do I Keep The Excitement In My Marriage?

To think of things to spice up your relationship, talk to your partner and consider what you’d both like. Here are some examples.

1. Arrange A Romantic Dinner

Romantic dinners might seem like a cliche. However, you can make yours special by arranging it at a brand new place. Even better, you can do it at home, and include some special details that have a deeper meaning for your spouse. 

2. Throw A Surprise Gathering

Making a nice get-together for family and friends when your spouse least expects it can be great, just be careful: if they need some time alone, then it’s probably better to focus on options that include just the two of you. Stay inquisitive about each other’s needs and you’ll be less likely to end up in a misunderstanding.  

3. Arrange Something Special On Your Average Day

You don’t have to wait for your spouse’s birthday or your wedding anniversary to celebrate them. Try doing something that is outside your average routine on a random day. Unexpected treats can mean a lot and be used to rekindle the passion.

4. Send Each Other Gifts

You don’t have to make a big announcement or to have an excuse for treating your spouse. Sending a bouquet of flowers, a small gift basket, or any thoughtful gift may be just what you need to keep the excitement alive.

5. Take Up A Hobby Together

Go for something that you never thought you’d try before. However silly or awkward it might seem, being on the same level as them will allow you to find a source of support and comfort in your partner. To a certain degree, you might be able to better accept your insecurities and embrace the excitement of learning something new together. 

6. Go On An Adventure

It doesn’t have to be anything too extravagant or financially compromising. Without a doubt, visiting exotic destinations can be fulfilling, although you can still have a great time visiting a local nature resort, traveling to a nearby town, or renting an old cabin in the woods. 

7. Make A Gallery Of Your Memories

You’re probably worried that, after working hard to overcome a period of emotional disconnection, the fruits of your labor will slowly fade away. To make a reminder, document your memorable moments in every possible way: pick the best photos, videos, write a diary, and keep small souvenirs that will remind you of the happy times you had together. 

How Do You Control The Excitement In A Relationship?

Your everyday routine probably doesn’t allow you to devote 100% of your time to each other. You might soon realize that you can’t be in a constant state of excitement. In fact, romantic love usually has to encompass both the excitement of early infatuation and the calmness of mature affection. One plausible way to control the excitement in your relationship is to plan, schedule, and make small experiments, while sticking to some firm aspects of your routine. Otherwise, your expectations might become unrealistic, and you’d feel as if you’re making 

You may wonder if you’d have to sacrifice your boundaries and personal space to keep things exciting and new. Some people are hesitant to go that extra mile, as they fear they will get completely lost and get enmeshed with their loved one. This is why many turn to professional help, as they aim to find ways to spend quality time with their partners, without losing personal space.

Where Can I Attend A Purposeful And Experience-Based Intimacy In Marriage Intensive? 

Whether your goal is to learn more and work on your attachment patterns, or to set healthy boundaries and change your perspective on intimacy, PIVOT can help you in many ways. Our relationship advocates have the knowledge and resources to facilitate the process of deepening your intimacy in a couple-based retreat. What’s more, you can choose to work on your emotional life in individual coaching and change your outlook on your marriage or long-term relationship. Contact us today and embark on a road to excitement and self-discovery. 

Most people who’ve been in a long-term, committed relationship can recall times when it felt like you were spending all of your time together. You will also likely remember that there were times when you started feeling more distant or drifted away from your partner. This can be a sign that you’re starting to grow apart. However, it’s not necessarily a bad sign. It might be a result of changes in your career, complications with family and/or friends, a consequence of boredom with everyday routines etc. 

Many people struggle with understanding what to do with this felt sense of boredom. Rather than blaming yourself or each other, you may try to understand the nature of your unexpected emotional disconnection. Rather than let it turn into emotional neglect that can lead to challenges, you can seek professional help and learn how to improve intimacy in your relationship.

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Detached?

If you feel emotionally detached, it means that you feel disengaged or disconnected from the feelings of people around you. 

It might manifest itself as the absence of motivation to be involved in the emotional lives of other people, or a lack of capacity for it. It can be a reaction to a stressful period, which is often temporary, or it can be a trait of your attachment style, especially if it was developed as a way to cope with traumatic events in life. 

How Do You Get Emotional Detachment?

If you had traumatic experiences as a child, detaching from the feelings of others can be a means to survive and keep negative emotions at bay. There are other scenarios that can lead to emotional detachment as well:

• Experiences of significant loss, such as a separation from a primary caregiver, parental divorce, or death of a parent or sibling.
• Having traumatic experiences growing up, including natural disasters, immigration to a different country, and going through life-threatening situations.
• Spending childhood in foster care or challenged adoption home.
• Experiences of emotional and/or physical abuse.
• Experiences of physical and/or emotional neglect.

Remember, not all people who have survived emotional trauma in childhood or adolescence develop emotional detachment or other avoidant behavior. Some people will try to trauma bond with their romantic partners, idealizing them or reliving their trauma, and many will be able to recover and start healthy relationships. 

How Do You Know If You Are Emotionally Detached In Your Marriage? 

Here are some of the possible signs of emotional detachment in a relationship:

• You take each other for granted.
• You have stopped listening closely and started shifting focus from your relationship to other interests when the focus needs to be on your relationship.
• You no longer respect your mutual rituals, i.e. you don’t have breakfast, dinner, or go to bed at the same time.
• When on a business trip or away, you only communicate routinely and don’t really want to call each other to check in.
• You have a fear of engulfment i.e. loss of boundaries with your spouse, which wasn’t the case in the past.
• Getting lost in your job and career role, using your work responsibilities as an excuse not to spend time with your significant other.
• You have trouble finding ways to balance your personal space and intimacy.
• You seek reassurance and resources for your emotional needs from other people. This doesn’t have to take the form of adultery or flirtation. However, it can take the form of emotional infidelity.

What Do You Do When You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner?

If you want your relationship to be healthy, you will want to resolve it. You can start by looking at events that jeopardized your connection. You can also look up similarities with your past relationships, and see whether you’ve ever withdrawn the way you do right now. And, if you have no history of being emotionally detached, you might just need some personal space and your detachment is just temporary. 

It’s possible to reconnect by working on your relationship together. You may join a relationship workshop to help you pinpoint the causes of your emotional distance and work on bonding with each other again.

How Do I Emotionally Reconnect With My Spouse?

First, you may check whether the nature of your disconnection or detachment is traumatic or situational. Track down the source by taking your time and reflecting on the causes. 

1. Get To Know Yourself Better

Try to learn more about your needs and past experiences that you might’ve hidden deep. A relationship coach may help you discover your common relational patterns and attachment style.  Then you can work through the wounds that keep you from having a successful relationship.

2. Give Yourself Time

Be patient and gentle with yourself, so that you can be fair and caring for your spouse and your relationship. Sometimes, it will take you more than a short period of time to gain understanding and find a way to not avoid emotional intimacy.  

3. Recall Important Milestones Of Your Relationship

Reflect on the good times and the bad times. It may put your whole relationship into perspective and give you valuable insights.

4. Try To Get Into Their Shoes 

Try to see your relationship from your partner’s perspective. Talk to them to understand their position better and understand their wants and needs.  Then share yours and find common ground to rebuild your relationship.

5. Make Efforts To Rekindle Your Connection

You could do this with small gestures or by introducing the spirit of excitement and surprise. It’s a good idea to be creative and show that you care. Rebuilding your relationship on honesty, trust, and self-awareness is more likely to be successful, and a little effort often goes a long way.

How Can My Relationship Benefit From Experience-Based Intimacy Coaching? 

Whether you’re looking for a way to restore the warmth and passion in your long-term relationship or to work on your own patterns of attachment, you can count on our relationship advocates to PIVOT from your old ways and learn something new. 

We offer couple-based workshops that can help you improve your intimacy and mutual understanding, as well as private coaching sessions for individuals. 

You can pick the type of coaching you feel most comfortable with, and steadily. Give us a call today and embark on a journey toward a healthy emotional life. 

Intimacy and personal space can seem like two separate categories that are somewhat at odds to some people. While there are people who fear intimacy, especially because they see it as a threat to their own privacy and individuality, others might see it as a sign of selfishness and immaturity. Either way, things might not be so simple when you’re dealing with intimacy in marriage and trying to negotiate your personal time and space. 

In healthy relationships, both partners achieve a fine balance between their own time and their time together. Generally, if you both care for yourselves, you’ll be more likely to have a fulfilling relationship.

Find out how you may further improve your intimacy in marriage without sacrificing your boundaries. One of the options is to consider attending an intensive workshop or individual coaching. You’ll also find useful advice in this article. 

Should There Be Personal Space Between Spouses?

Many people fear that this will further lead to distance or emotional disconnect. However, this isn’t typically the case. Spending time apart or keeping certain things to yourself doesn’t have to lead to detachment and emotional neglect. On the contrary, it can be a healthy outlet, which helps you appreciate your partner and relationship even more.

What Does Personal Space Mean? 

There are several ways to describe personal space:

• Literally, it describes your immediate physical surroundings, your body, and whatever touches your skin.
• It can also mean the time and activities that you do on your own. For example, this can be you reading a book, fishing, or riding a bike in a nearby park.
• It may mean an actual physical space where you can relax, work on a project, meditate, or reflect. For example, you can set up your home office, studio, or a small nook where you relax or work on your ideas.
• It can be used to mean the interests you had before your current relationship, especially if you don’t share them with your partner. For instance, this can be a time for sports, some retail therapy, or another hobby.

Is It Wrong To Want Personal Space In A Relationship?

Feeling like you need to step back and take care of yourself can be perfectly normal in many circumstances. However, if you feel like you’re drifting apart from your partner and don’t want to spend time with them anymore, it might be useful to determine your attachment style and whether your relationship is built on a healthy foundation. 

What Is The Importance Of Personal Space?

The importance and benefits of personal space might feel familiar to you from your early teenage years when you tried to negotiate it with your parents. However, it might seem challenging to actually understand what it means as an adult. Once you enter a committed relationship, you might need to make adjustments and feel like you have to reclaim some personal space for yourself. For some people, it might seem impossible because they may worry that this will jeopardize their relationship. 

Here’s just a glimpse of why personal space is important: 

For You As An Individual:

• It may preserve your sense of independence.
• It may reaffirm your boundaries and self-esteem.
• It may give you reassurance during difficult times.
• It may give you an opportunity to have creative thoughts and outlets that can bring interesting conversations and experiences to share with your partner later.  Keeps it interesting! 

For You As A Couple: 

• You may realize that the boundaries are there to keep you safely connected.
• Your time for yourself may give you better insight into the value of your relationship.
• You may come up with new perspectives and work together to improve your relationship.
• You might be more eager to spend time with each other.

How Do You Maintain Personal Space In A Relationship?

Many couples start to question their relationship when it enters a more complicated phase and begins to feel like a bumpy ride. Creating personal space may help to take a step back and take time to yourself. 

Having a time of day or week when you can devote it to yourself might feel like a luxury, especially when you’re juggling parenting, your career, and other daily responsibilities. 

Maintaining valuable time for yourself is essential. And, it can be achieved if you and your partner are willing to work together and take responsibility to make sure it happens. 

How Do You Give Space In A Relationship Without Drifting Apart?

While some married couples face no issues in trusting each other and setting aside enough time for individual activities and interests, you may feel uneasy letting go. If you feel like allowing your partner to have their own time and space is going to cause a breakup, you might need to work on your own past wounds that are causing this level of control in the relationship. 

If you find it challenging at first, it might be worthwhile to try some thought experiments. Instead of going down every negative scenario that might occur, you could come up with some strategies to cope with what you find potentially threatening. You may want to talk with your partner and a relationship coach to work actively on a solution. 

There are some strategies that you may try out:

• Try to map out the boundaries. Setting clear boundaries between your personal, social, and intimate space is key to keeping your relationship healthy and growing.
• Learn how to respect each other. Respecting each other and your differences can be crucial in preventing the feeling of enmeshment. It can also dispel your worries that you’re secretly feeling resentment toward each other. 
• Be decisive. If your spouse is being very apprehensive about your personal time, try to make a decisive move and demonstrate that it’s not something to worry about. 
• Make a schedule for time with your kids, your friends, your spouse, and yourself. Although it might seem like a purely technical thing to do, writing a schedule will leave you feeling less guilty about missing out, or not spending enough time with your partner. It may give you better control of your time and insight into your needs. Also, it might give you the opportunity to rediscover the excitement in your relationship.
• Keep the communication open and honest. You may discuss your fears, anxieties, and insecurities about your relationship. When you decide to speak out about unspoken disagreements and start being frank about how you feel without playing the blame game, you may come closer to reclaiming your space. This can improve the quality of your relationship.

Where Can I Find Experience-Based Relationship Coaching And Retreat For Individuals? 

Whether you struggle with setting firm boundaries with your spouse or finding a way to further strengthen your bond, you can get great help from experienced relationship advocates at PIVOT. You can try out intensive couple-based retreats in our Glass House and work on further enhancing your relationship, or choose to work individually on your attachment issues and emotional struggles. Feel free to contact us today!