Author: Lori Jean Glass

People are able to form healthy relationships if they’re operating from their healthiest self and know how to attach securely. When you feel good in your own skin and have a healthy relationship with yourself, you can contribute more to your relationship. 

You can achieve deeper self-awareness and become more accomplished in life through the process of self-actualization. It allows you to understand yourself, establish a healthy relationship with yourself and the world, and reach your full potential. 

Learn what self-actualization is, how to become self-actualized in a romantic relationship, and how to support your partner through this process. With this knowledge, you may improve the level of intimacy in your marriage or get an idea of how to work through certain challenges in a relationship workshop.

What Is Self-Actualization?

You become self-actualized when you realize your full potential, know and operate from your capabilities, and adopt a deep appreciation for all the intricacies of life. It’s about being the best version of yourself you can be. 

People who’ve been through a self-actualization journey have certain shared traits, like:

• Understanding: Self-actualization comes from a place of deep understanding of yourself. Establishing a good grasp of your own needs and drives is the basis for self-growth and maturation.
• Acceptance: People who are self-actualized accept and love themselves for what they are. Instead of punishing themselves for their perceived shortcomings, they acknowledge them and work on them.
• Kindness: Since self-actualization helps you accept yourself, you’re more likely to be kinder to yourself and more compassionate to others. This comes from the knowledge that nobody is perfect and everyone has their own unique potential to uncover. 
• Connections: Because you’re better able to understand others, you can open up more easily and be more comfortable being vulnerable. You find joy in giving as well as receiving and you thrive when you share your experiences with others.

What Is The Difference Between Self-Realization And Self-Actualization?

While these phrases are often used interchangeably, there is a difference between the two. Self-actualization helps you tap into your full potential. On the other hand, people usually define self-realization as a process of gaining a deeper understanding of your character. 

While self-actualization is a more modern concept that originated from psychology, self-realization comes from Eastern traditions, mainly Hinduism. Despite slight differences, both concepts put positive change and deep self-awareness into focus. They’re both about learning how to live a healthy, more fulfilling life and adopt a more complete view of the self.

How Do You Become A Self-Actualized Person?

When you start your self-improvement journey, you have a long and winding road ahead of you. It’s a slow, multifaceted process. However, as long as you’re committed to it and go steady, you can make excellent progress over the long term. Here are some strategies to try:

• Accept everything life sends your way: If you learn how to accept the good and the bad things that the future holds, you will feel less frustration. If you pick your battles, you won’t get hung up on situations that are out of your control, such as your spouse wanting a divorce, and you’ll focus your attention on the things that you can change.
• Forgive yourself and others: Self-actualization doesn’t equal perfection. You will still face challenges and failure at times. However, self-actualized people don’t beat themselves up about the mistakes they make. Instead, they learn from them and move on. They also don’t judge other people for their shortcomings.
• Improve what you can: Self-growth means you correctly identify areas for improvement in your life and work on them to make new breakthroughs. However, be careful not to dwell on problems after you’ve exhausted all possibilities for solving them.
• See the beauty in little things: Sometimes people get too caught up in negativity and fail to see the beauty that surrounds them. While it can seem trite, being able to enjoy the little things in life is actually a healthy and necessary skill.
• Behave authentically: Being yourself without letting outside pressures have an impact is an important part of your self-actualization journey. When you’re genuine, you don’t feel the need to hide or modify your personality so others would accept you.
• Express compassion: When you understand yourself well, you can also have a better insight into the minds of others. Just like you’re gentle and forgiving to yourself, you can extend the same kind of compassion to those around you.
• Be self-reliant: A large part of being self-actualized is being comfortable when you’re on your own and not depending on other people to reassure you. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help when you need it. It means you’re capable of resolving the challenges in your life single-handedly when the situation calls for it.

Can I Become Self-Actualized In An Intimate Relationship?

Self-actualization is an individual, intimate process that everyone goes through on their own. However, having a supportive partner and a healthy bond can help. You can both get farther in your journey of self-discovery by attending a relationship workshop. There you can learn how to identify the areas you need to work on both individually and as a couple as well as healthy strategies to overcome them.

How Can I Support My Partner To Become Self-Actualized?

Self-actualized people tend to have healthier relationships because they’re open to sharing their thoughts and feelings and they have a more positive outlook on life. Nurturing your bond and supporting your partner as they work on their personal development is the best way to help them self-actualize. Be patient with them as they make progress and talk to them about their experiences.

Where Can I Find an Effective Codependency Retreat to Help Me Self-Actualize?

If you’re going through a difficult time because you’re in the middle of a divorce or because you resent your ex for hurting you, PIVOT’s eye-opening retreats can help. In the safe, comfortable setting of our individual workshops, you’ll be able to open up to our relationship advocates and find solutions to your problems, like codependency or love addiction. Couples can also seek our assistance in overcoming issues like unhealthy attachment patterns and love avoidance.

Contact us today to have a one-of-a-kind transformational experience!

A healthy relationship allows you to be the best version of yourself and you’re at your best when you’re acting genuinely. While it may seem like an elusive ideal, being true to yourself is actually the best way to approach a coupleship and it’s easier than you may think. It’s helpful to  keep your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors congruous, and you can learn how to do this by working with a relationship coach.

If you’re wondering what it means to be a genuine person and how to be authentic in a relationship, read on to learn how you can nurture this within yourself and live a truly authentic life.

What Does Self Authenticity Mean?

Being true to yourself means that your actions, thoughts, and feelings align, and you express them with integrity and confidence. 

However, many people struggle to strike this balance and have truly genuine existence. When the different aspects of your personality (parts of self) are out of sync, you may feel like you’re not being yourself in some areas of your life. For example, you could be putting on a false persona to impress others, like pretending to be more confident to win over a potential partner.

Here’s are some ways in which authenticity can manifest itself:

• Honesty: If you’re genuine, you’re honest both to other people and yourself, and you don’t feel the need to modify your behavior to conform to other people’s expectations. 
• Self-sufficiency: An authentic person makes decisions and acts on them independently, unbothered by outside influences. They rely on their own inner strength in challenging situations.
• Self-love: You accept that you’re not perfect and love yourself regardless of any shortcomings you may have. You don’t feel the need to keep up appearances because you know that you’re enough, just the way you are.
• Ease: Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin. Because they aren’t bothered by what the world expects of them, they are unburdened and free to live a fulfilling life.
• Fulfilling your potential: You know your strengths and develop in areas that need work. This makes you more likely to tap into your full potential and grow as a person.

However, being authentic isn’t about being rigid and impervious to change. It also doesn’t mean that you believe that you’re perfect and beyond reproach. People naturally grow and transform to respond to the changing circumstances in their lives, so the way you express your authentic self will reflect this too. 

For example, you may have started off as a shy child and teenager and developed more outgoing traits as you entered adulthood. Expressing this freely doesn’t mean that you’ve stopped being true to yourself. Instead, your personality has been through a shift and you naturally behave in line with this.

What Makes A Relationship Authentic?

There may be different levels of authenticity in a relationship: 

• You can be your genuine selves. You accept each other the way you are, without the need to change the other person to fit your expectations. You give each other support and room to grow without impediments.
• You’re honest with one another. You’re able to express your thoughts and feelings freely, without fear of judgment or rejection. You feel safe opening up to your partner and trust them to understand even the things that make you most vulnerable.
• You don’t let outside pressures influence your relationship. You’re sure of your relationship regardless of what others think or do. 

Why Is It Important To Be Authentic In A Relationship?

Inauthenticity can take a toll on a relationship. For example, you may be consciously hiding your true colors from your partner. You could be unwilling to express your deepest fears and insecurities because you think that this will drive them away. You may worry that showing who you really are will scare them off. This is common for people who have an anxious attachment style and fear rejection from their partner.

In a different scenario, you may be attempting to change to match your partner’s standards. For example, if you know your partner prefers being the leader, you may be taking the back seat to pander to them. This way, you could be stifling your natural affinities and losing confidence. This may cause you to feel resentful and jeopardize the relationship.

On the other hand, a relationship that’s genuine doesn’t require either partner to hide or pretend. Instead, it allows you to be unapologetically yourselves, with your feelings, thoughts, and actions working in unison.

How Can I Become More Authentic In My Relationship?

Establishing a genuine connection is what most people aspire to. Here are some things you can do to have more authenticity in your relationship:

• Have a sense of independence: It’s not a good idea to rely solely on your partner for happiness. If you put all your eggs in one basket, you may lose your individuality and become too caught up in making your relationship work at all costs.
• Talk to each other: Share your feelings and thoughts with your partner and encourage them to do the same. Show understanding and compassion when they’re feeling vulnerable and expect the same in return.
• Expect reciprocity: There needs to be mutual respect and understanding between the two of you. A healthy relationship provides a safe space where you can both feel seen and heard.

How Can You Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage With an Intensive Workshop? 

If you feel like you or your partner are being inauthentic and you worry that this may destroy your marriage, PIVOT can help you become a more authentic person and have a genuine relationship. You can become more self-actualized and reach your full potential in one of our individual workshops. These workshops can provide support while you’re trying to cope with divorce trauma and in other emotionally hurtful situations.

We also help couples find a common ground by participating in our retreats together. Reach out to us to uncover your unhealthy patterns and fulfill your potential. We’re ready to support you through your journey!

One of the biggest problems in modern relationships is still the stigma of vulnerability. It can often be seen as equal to weakness, frailty, delicacy, meekness, and other seemingly unwanted traits in a romantic partner. However, that’s not at all what vulnerability is. 

No wonder, then, the amount of intimacy avoidance and lack of emotional and physical intimacy in marriages and relationships. We all deserve to be seen and heard by the people whom we love and create connections with.  

Without vulnerability, it can feel as if you’re negating an integral part of your personality, burying it deep inside, along with other feelings you’d also consider challenging to display. Know this, healthy vulnerability is not negative. Expressing it could be the very thing your relationship’s been lacking and the something that could improve it. 

What Is Vulnerability In A Relationship?

It’s important to note one that vulnerability is not a form of weakness in any way. In fact, it’s just the opposite. It’s expressing strength and willingness to become fully open with your partner and share your innermost feelings, fears, and thoughts with them without being scared of their reaction.  

Vulnerability doesn’t represent your inability to cope with life’s many trials and tribulations, it represents an invaluable opportunity to grow and develop as a person and as a partner, both in your relationships and outside of it. It takes strength to open up, and showing your vulnerability to others helps you overcome your potentially existing fears of rejection and nurtures the building of honesty and trust with your partner. 

In essence, being vulnerable with your partner allows them to get to know you completely. It allows them to become aware of your thoughts, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. It allows them to get to know you without holding anything back. As such, vulnerability in a relationship is essential for deepening your connection and building healthier relations. 

What Is Healthy Vulnerability?

Healthy vulnerability is a form of emotional wellness and a powerful skill that opens you up to a deeper truth that can be shared and heard by another.  Healthy vulnerability serves to foster greater connection, honesty, healing, and enhanced self-awareness. 

Is Vulnerability Good In A Relationship?

Expressing your feelings is a skill not everybody develops in their lives. Showing your emotions can carry a negative connotation for some indidividuals, and vulnerability can easily be mistaken for a negative thing. This is why discernment is KEY!  

Who you choose to be truely vulnerable with matters.  If you have a history of being neglected, abandoned, not seen, etc.,you want to consider who you are opening up to so you do not rewound yourself.  This is why our circle boundaries are so popular.  If you and your partner are having challenges and there is emotional bombing being used to defend your position, this would not be a good time to be vunerable.  Getting help to overcome your challenges would be a good first step until you feel safer about opening up more.

If you relationship is in a fairly good place and you are wanting to have deeper connection, learning to be more vulnerable is very beneficial for creaitng intimacy, as showing your feelings to your significant other only leads to a deeper connection and stronger bonds. Knowing the deepest corners of each other’s souls can only be beneficial to your long-term understanding and relationship. 

10 Benefits Of Vulnerability In A Relationship

The initial sharing of feelings is only the beginning step in relationship vulnerability. This kind of emotional openness will only benefit your relationship in numerous unexpected ways, such as:

• Increasing the chances of your partner recognizing and meeting your needs. 
• Improving your and your partner’s sense of worthiness and authenticity. 
• Building a stronger foundation of mutual trust in your relationship. 
• Experiencing genuine comfort, support, and care from your partner. 
• Becoming open to being truly loved by your partner.
• Increasing the psychological and physical intimacy between you and your partner. 
• Fostering stronger empathy in your relationship. 
• Creating a solid foundation of mutual trust. 
• Facilitating positive growth and change for both partners. 
• Helping you deal with negative emotions better.

How To Be Vulnerable In A Relationship?

For some people, being vulnerable, or open, with their partner isn’t easy. Revealing everything that you are can be tough for a number of reasons, be it lack of proper understanding what vulnerability truly means or fearing getting hurt again as you could have been in the past. 

Whatever your root cause of not showing your vulnerable side might be, it’s important to first understand just how beneficial it can be for both you and your relationship if you try to work on showing your vulnerability. 

7 Ways To Learn To Present Your Vulnerability

Upon understanding what vulnerability is, and more importantly, what it isn’t, and understanding how it could benefit you and your partner, it can be challenging at first to actually start engaging in. 

As hard as it feels, it’s well worth working on, as the positive changes that vulnerability brings to your relationship and life are positive. As every journey begins with a single step, so does your journey to vulnerability: 

• Begin by asking yourself why you’re so reluctant to open up to your partner and to others and try to detect the root cause of it all. 
• Once you understand the root of the problem, try to better understand the feelings you have toward yourself, your partner, your friends, family, and other important people in your life. Working the Relational Circle boundaries with a PIVOT coach can help you with this. 
• Start small and take baby steps in showing your vulnerability to your partner and other close people. 
• Practice your vulnerability through those initial baby steps and slowly attempt to transition into sharing your deeper feelings with people whom you trust. 
• Try to be as honest as possible with your partner about your daily challenges, struggles, and fears as well as your happiness and successes. 
• As time passes, try to become more open with the emotional support you require. Become vulnerable enough to be able to tell your partner what it is you’d like them to do. 
• Eliminate the potentially negative connotations of vulnerability and embrace it for all the good it can bring. 

How Do You Deal With A Vulnerable Partner?

You really don’t have to “deal” with a vulnerable partner, you just have to be there for them. Ask them what they need and give them what they ask within reason. Be honest and open, and remember to slow down and be present with them. Do your best to be there so that they have a shoulder to lean on, and over time you’ll watch the pieces fall into place. 

How Can I Help My Partner With Vulnerability?

We all operate in different ways and all of us need a different approach that would help us and encourage us to show our vulnerable side. Essentially, talking to your partner openly about their emotions and inability to open up is a good first step.

7 Ways To Help Your Partner Express Their Vulnerability

However, talking about it will only get both you and your partner so far. As unique as we all are, there are some things you can attempt to do to reach your partner and show them that you’re the person they can feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of: 

• Remind your partner that you’re trustworthy and that they’re safe showing their intimate emotions to you. 
• Be supportive toward your partner and try to show appreciation for their attempts at opening up to you. 
• If you’re wrong, take responsibility and admit you’re at fault, as this will show them you’re ready to be vulnerable in the same way they are trying to be. 
• Listen to what they say and don’t use it or hold it against them. 
• Find the right time to have fun with them. Also, try to recognize the situations in which they need you to be serious and closely listen to what they have to say. 
• If you see that your partner’s unwilling to be the first one to show their vulnerability, help them by doing it first and opening up before them. 
• Express true interest in their lives, feelings, challenges, and victories, as this will illustrate just how much you’re dedicated to them and to your relationship. 

PIVOT Can Help Resolve Intimacy Avoidance In Marriage Or Relationship And Foster Healthy Vulnerability

Vulnerability, when it’s healthy and not self-encumbering, can actually be very positive to both you and your relationship. It can serve as a supplemental method of self-actualization within your relationship and it can be one of the ways of authenticating yourself and your feelings alongside your partner. 

Also, showing your vulnerability can help you find the support you need in your marriage or relationship and prevent you from getting lost in your partner. What’s more, vulnerability is also a form of pure relationship honesty, allowing you to freely express your innermost feelings and be completely honest with both your partner and yourself. However, vulnerability can also run rampant if you let it, causing potential problems for both partners. That’s why PIVOT’s here to help you learn how to properly channel your vulnerability. Our individual coaching sessions with experienced advocates and couple retreats for developing adequate support mechanisms will help you find stable ground. Call us today!

We live in a world that is driven by competition. We’re frequently distracted by the need to draw comparisons with other people. You may be wondering why you’re comparing yourself to others and how it affects you and your partner. Does competitiveness serve any purpose in your relationship?

To better understand your or your partner’s need to compete, get a closer look at the nature of competitive relationships and whether it is healthy to compare yourself to your partner. This will help you learn how to recognize signs of competitive and other love avoidant behavior, and how to quit comparing yourself to others. 

Is It Normal To Compare Yourself To Your Partner?

A part of being human is the awareness of the abilities, achievements, and talents of the people around you. It’s only natural that you end up drawing comparisons between yourself and others, especially people that you’re close with. Nevertheless, it can become difficult if it becomes an obsessive habit. This can become an overwhelming issue when combined with a low level of acceptance of your small flaws and imperfections.

As with many other aspects of a relationship, the context makes all the difference. While you’ll typically see a good deal of competition growing up, among school kids and siblings, sometimes even among coeds and coworkers, there’s very little place for it in an adult, intimate relationship. 

There’s a clear difference between feeling envious and insecure and being respectful or in awe of your partner. If you have a habit of comparing yourself to others, especially to your partner, it’s important to be aware of the following:

• It’s based on unfair presumptions. You’ll compare the worst you know about yourself with the best you presume about your partner or others.  
• Not everything that matters can be quantified. True comparisons require some unit of measurement and comparing your worth, success, and qualities, can’t be reduced to a score.
• It’s time-consuming. Wasting too much of your time on comparing yourself to others isn’t the best use of your time, especially the precious moments with your partner. 
• It robs you of precious energy. Instead of putting your focus on something creative and fulfilling, you can become so distraught to even lose passion, drive, and determination to accomplish your goals.
• It’s not good enough. Attaining success doesn’t put the end to comparisons, in fact, your focus may still shift to something else. 
• It often leads to resentment. Since you can’t control the object of your comparison, i.e. success and achievement of others, you’ll start to feel a strong resentment toward them and yourself. This is likely to pose an issue in your everyday life and make you avoid intimate relationships altogether. 
• Everyone is unique. While you can argue that this isn’t a valid reason, as we do live interconnected lives, deep down we’re individuals with our own sets of talents, preferences, and contributions. 

How Do You Know If Your Partner Is Competing With You?

You may have noticed some of the signs of competitive behavior in yourself.  However, what about your partner? Here are some behaviors that may indicate that your partner is competing with you: 

• They aren’t genuinely happy when you succeed. They can come across as aloof, bored, or tired. They don’t show interest in your achievements and don’t ask any questions.
• They seem resentful or even angry when you attain success. They might feel bad about themself, complain openly about their self-worth, or start to argue with you, as if you’ve done something wrong. 
• They can act frustrated if you manage to complete something on their behalf, as if you’ve intended to embarrass them.
• They are trying to “outdo” you in different areas of life, whether it’s career, hobbies, friendships, or parenthood.
• They keep a list of things you did wrong and resent you for that, quietly or openly, while taking the good things for granted or ignoring them completely. 
• They belittle your efforts and achievements. They use various strategies to discourage you, make you feel less worthy, or patronize you. They make you feel foolish for celebrating your accomplishments.   
• They make you feel guilty for your success. They can point out the things that you’ve neglected while striving to achieve your goals, paint you as self-centered, inappropriate, or even mean.  

Is Competition In A Relationship Bad?

As with anything else, you can argue that a healthy amount of competitive spirit can be used to improve your relationship in some regard. For example, you may say that your success can inspire your partner to try harder, or you can look up to your partner as a role model for their achievements. 

Apart from playful competition that you may experience in leisure activities or playing board games, there are couples that compete in many other areas. This begs the question, where do you draw the line between normal and toxic competition? Coaching and mental health advocates generally agree that there’s no place for a fully fledged rivalry in a healthy relationship.

This is especially problematic when you’re undergoing important changes in life. For example, your intimate relationship changes when kids are born. If you’re overly competitive, the parent role can become just another battlefield where you try to prove your own worth. This will often come at the expense of your kid’s wellbeing, making you struggle with intimacy. 

How Do I Stop Comparing Myself To My Partner?

Whether you’re noticing the negative signs of competition in yourself or your partner, or both, there are ways to free yourself from it. The key is to come to terms with your envy and low or inflated self-worth, whether it’s a result of unresolved conflicts with the father figure or attachment issues with your mother. 

Some of the following points can help you cope and overcome the need to compete with your partner and improve your relationship: 

• Be aware of the drawbacks of constant comparisons. As with any other bad habit, it’s useful to remind yourself of the disadvantages that come with comparing yourself. You’ll waste your time thinking about how you compare to them and begin to feel bad about yourself and start avoiding your partner. It’s essential to invest conscious effort in breaking this habit.  
• Focus on your goals and achievements. It’s useful to remind yourself of your achievements and put them into a realistic and purposeful perspective.
• Practice gratitude. Don’t belittle yourself or your partner. Try to step outside of your own thinking and show gratitude for your and your partner’s achievements. This way, you’ll learn how to make a distinction between humility and self-depreciation.
• Accept the fact that nobody is perfect. While this doesn’t mean that you need to downplay the accomplishments of others, it’s best to put them in perspective. Show appreciation without drawing comparisons to your achievements. It has nothing to do with how much you’re worth. You both have something to bring to the table.
• Use yourself as a measure for your success. It’s not fair to anyone to stick to unrealistic expectations. The only relevant “metrics” at the end of the day are your sense of well-being, the precious time you have together, and your gut feeling.
• Seek inspiration. The success of your partner doesn’t have to feel like a burden. Try to learn from them instead. Try to focus more on asking good questions and show some interest. This is why active listening is so important in every relationship. It can help you grow individually and as a couple, and you’ll find joy in discovering something new together. 

Improve Your Intimacy In Marriage Through PIVOT’s Intensive Workshops

If you’re wondering how to turn things around and break the habit of constantly questioning your self-worth, our personal advocates will gladly assist you. Whether you’re struggling with relationship addiction or facing other challenges in your emotional life, we are there to help. You can opt for one of our insightful individual coaching plans, or sign up for our experience-based retreat for couples, and more. We’ll gladly answer all of your questions, so reach out to us today!

Empathy in a relationship brings feelings of warmth and security knowing your partner understands and cares about your feelings. It’s a very powerful force, helping you and your partner become closer and more connected.

Active listening is similar in terms of the positive effects it offers and it’s closely related to empathy. In fact, there’s hardly one without the other. You can hardly understand how your partner’s feeling without actually listening to them. 

Empathy and active listening nurture your relationship and make its foundations stronger. They foster intimacy in marriage, prevent problem avoidance, and encourage positive relations. However, what can you do if your partner is simply not there yet? And what if you’re the one who finds it difficult to feel empathy in some situations? 

Why Are Empathy And Active Listening Important In A Relationship?

Empathy and active listening go hand in hand in fostering loving, caring, and happy relationships. Without it, you risk facing silence and misunderstanding in your relationship, which can slowly create a divide between you and your partner. 

However, it’s important not to confuse empathy with the absolute absence of healthy disagreements. Empathy is the ability of both parties to truly listen to each other’s standpoint, recognize and acknowledge their differences, and work with them rather than against them. 

Empathy allows you and your partner to truly understand each others’ feelings, thoughts, and points of view. It’s what deepens your connection and what ultimately brings you closer together. 

In fact, true empathy can enrich your your relationship in multiple ways: 

• It bridges the gaps: Empathetic behavior serves to improve trust and understanding between partners, which brings you closer together and makes your relationship stronger. 
• It brings attention: As you learn to truly empathize with your significant other, you’ll start being able to give them the kind of attention they need, and the same goes for you. 
• It nurtures the positive: Empathy is a positive feeling, and it can bring other positive emotions into your relationship. 
• It introduces compassion: As you begin to see the world in another perspective, you’ll start being more compassionate with your partner, deepening your connection and having a better insight into what they’re going through. 
• It fosters patience: As your relationship becomes more and more empathetic, you will find that patience will come more naturally which further nurtures positive discussions and nips potential arguments in the bud. 
• It allows improvements: Finally, empathy teaches both you and your partner that not everything revolves around you, which leaves room for improving and growing as individuals and as a couple. 

How Can Active Listening Improve Relationships?

Active listening is an essential relationship skill. It refers to a person’s, or in this case, partner’s ability to attentively listen and, more importantly, hear and understand what you’re trying to say. 

Active listening in a relationship is more than just allowing essential information to get through to you, which is why it’s so closely related to empathy. It’s, at the same time, both listening and understanding. It’s an emotional investment into your partner and one that pays off immensely: 

• It signals to your partner that you’re fully present and there for what they have to say.
• It fosters engagement and interest in your relationship.
• It allows you to receive more information about your partner, which only leads to a deeper connection. 
• Active listening fosters better communication through enhanced understanding of your partner’s non-verbal cues. 
• It allows you to better manage your emotions and allow your partner to take center stage. 
• It improves your ability to ask relevant questions that will carry the conversation forward and foster deeper emotional engagement. 
• It simply shows that you care, that you’re there, and that you want to listen to what your significant other has to say. 

How Do You Deal With A Partner That Does Not Listen?

Paradoxically, the only way to deal with a partner that doesn’t listen is to try to get them to listen, and that can be tough. The trick is to try to remain calm while trying to get your voice across, while also being persistent. 

Additionally, it’s important to know some of the reasons why your partner might struggle with active listening: 

• They have difficulty expressing their feelings and are scared to enter a deep conversation. 
• They’ve come to rely on themselves rather than the people around them, impacting their ability to actively listen. 
• They’ve faced a wall on your end on a couple of occasions, getting them to slowly shut down. 
• They’re afraid that a conversation might lead into an argument if they have an opposing opinion. 
• They feel like you’re going to judge them. 
• They just don’t know how to actively listen. 

How Do I Listen To My Partner Better?

Sometimes, it’s up to you to work on your listening skills. It can be tough. Yet, knowing and understanding there’s room for improvement is an enormous first step in becoming a better active listener and partner. 

The skills necessary for enhancing your active listening are: 

• Being completely present in the moment, in the conversation, and in the sentiment. 
• Giving appropriate non-verbal and verbal cues as your partner is talking, including nods, paraverbal connectors, and verbal assurance sounds. 
• Asking open-ended questions that show that you’re listening, that you want to extend the conversation, and that you’re interested in what the other person is saying. “Tell me more…”
• Reflecting on the content and feelings your partner is trying to express and asking for feedback on your understanding of their message. 
• Asking whether or not they would like to hear your opinion and allowing them to choose if they need assistance. 
• Offering comfort if your partner’s looking for it. 

PIVOT Workshops Help You Improve Intimacy In Your Marriage Or Relationships By Nurturing Better Listening & Empathy

From experiencing love addiction in your relationship to realizing that the passion between you and your partner might be fading, some relationship problems can be difficult to deal with. Different issues in your relationship can have a significant impact on your personality and life, and yet it seems few hit home quite as hard as not being heard. 

It’s one of our basic necessities to talk and for somebody to listen, to share and for somebody to acknowledge, and to speak and for somebody to show empathy. As important it is in our day-to-day interactions, it’s miles more important when it comes to our partner. And if your partner doesn’t listen or show they care, who will? Understanding empathy and realizing how to listen takes time, patience, and practice. At PIVOT, we facilitate that process with our well-planned couple workshops and activities, as well as through our individual coaching sessions. We’re here to listen to your problems and help you and your partner truly start listening to each other. Empathy is a skill you can learn and we’ll show you how to do it. Reach out to us today and let’s listen to each other together.

It’s normal for all of us to want to feel love, support, and empathy. You want a partner who will pay attention to you, actively listen, and be there to support you through difficult times. 

However, what happens when finding a partner becomes your sole preoccupation? What if you or your partner discover that you have an addictive personality when you’re in a relationship? On the surface, feeling strongly attached to your partner may not sound like a big deal. 

Yet, not everyone knows what love addiction actually is. In fact, at PIVOT, we use a more accurate term.  We call it attachment dysregulation. And to overcome is to learn first – what is actually attachment dysregulation and how does it manifest itself?

What Is Attachment Dysregulation?

Attachment dysregulation, as it relates to the term love addiction, refers to the feelings of euphoria and other intense emotions while either in a relationship or in pursuit of a relationship. Feeling longing when your partner’s not around or indulging their desires reflects the usual dedicated behavior in a relationship.

However, the main distinction between attachment dysregulation and regular, loving, and dedicated relationships is the innermost desire and need of one partner to be in a relationship. Only then can they feel completely and truly happy and satisfied with their lives. 

Some of the main characteristics of relationship and love addicts include: 

• Their psychological inability to be alone, i.e. without a partner by their side. 
• An unrelenting desire to start a relationship with another person.
• Becoming overbearing toward your partner for fear of the relationship ending.
• Inability to leave a toxic relationship due to fear of ending up alone and without that special someone. 

Attachment dysregulation affects the brain in similar ways as other addictions do. It makes it difficult to think about things other than your current or potential partner. You may be compelled to seek your thrill out even if it means suffering negative consequences, You may even be unable to function at your maximum capacity due to your mind being preoccupied with a feeling you identify as love. 

What Are The Signs Of Love Addiction?

The beginnings of attachment dysregulation often mimic some usual relationship patterns. Infatuation, sense of closeness, the need for frequent physical contact and sex, as well as emotional rollercoasters can describe many relationships. However, there are certain defining characteristics that, when combined, can signal attachment dysregulation. These include: 

• Repeated make-ups and break-ups with one or more partners
• Attempts at using sex to fix problems in a relationship
• Absence of personal life outside of a relationship
• Formation of identity around your relationship
• Justifying abusive and toxic patterns to remain with a partner
• Inability to willfully exit a relationship
• Committing very quickly
• Becoming dependent on your partner and overlooking their flaws and toxic traits
• Feeling of exhaustion after frequent lows and highs in your relationship without an incentive to leave
• Obsessive behavior in a relationship
• Experiencing negative emotions like lack of love and desire from your partner
• Absence of time dedicated to yourself or your friends and family
• Attempts at changing your own personality, habits, and behaviors for the sake of remaining in a relationship
• Feeling tired, irritable, insecure, confused, anxious, or depressed

What Causes Relationship Addiction?

While it may be difficult to claim what causes attachment dysregulation with a great degree of certainty, there’s a lot that points to a lack of love and support in your young life, as well as potential early-childhood abandonment. 

At its most fundamental, attachment dysregulation is an attempt to fill a void in your adult life left by the scars of your childhood and past trauma. Often, negative relationship patterns in your early childhood are usually the main cause behind later-life attachment dysregulation. 

Over time, this becomes your survival pattern due to untreated wounds from your childhood. Individuals susceptible to attachment dysregulation usually live through some upsetting events at a young age, such as:

• The divorce of your parents
• One or both parents are addicts and/or mentally ill
• Discovery that you were adopted
• Losing a parent or a sibling at an early age
• Suffering abuse during your early childhood
• Emotionally unavailable parents
• Abandonment and neglect
• Absence of parental validation

Whatever the reason, the result is an unhealthy and disconnected relationship that does you more harm than good, but that you’re also unable to leave. 

How Do You Overcome A Love Addiction?

The first and the most important thing is that if someone tells you that you are a love addict, dump that label.  What you are experiencing is attachment dysregulation, and, it doesn’t mean that change isn’t possible. It’s a signal to dig deeper, work harder, and understand you are deserving and capable of secure attachments. You would benefit from help from a certified relationship coach to gain an understanding of yourself and begin to engage in a process that is designed for YOU.  

It’s important to listen to yourself and notice your thoughts and feelings. Once you recognize your craving and desire for relationship is getting in the way of your choosing what is healthy for you, make a decision to do all you can to stop engaging in addictive patterns and break the vicious cycle. You can get help learning how to stay far away from known triggers.  Avoiding  love-oriented content, social media, dating apps, etc. for a period of time can help you begin to dissipate the anxiety caused from your unmet longing.

You can find solace, empathy, and support from your trusted friends and family. Focus on yourself for as long as it’s necessary until you start seeing first fruits of your labor. And remember to take it slow and be gentle with yourself – you deserve it. 

PIVOT Supports You In Overcoming Your Love Addiction In Your Relationship

Relationship problems come in all shapes and forms, from not receiving enough empathy and attention from your loved one to struggling to rekindle your passion. Attachment dysregulation is also one of the frequent issues. Experiencing it can be very difficult for both you and your partner. It can lead to long-term relationship issues that could be difficult to resolve. 

However, know that it’s not the end of the road for your relationship and that it’s entirely possible to overcome your addictive behavior. While not easy, as few matters of the heart and mind are, it’s certainly achievable. It’s similar to finding love again after your breakup. It seems impossible, yet it isn’t, especially with guidance from experienced and empathetic advocates. PIVOT is here to help you find balance in your life and relationship again. Our team of caring advocates will help you understand the reasons behind your addiction and be there as you’re overcoming it. Our couple retreat could do the trick for you and your partner, or or you’d rather attend individual workshops for working on your problems. Call us today and let’s overcome your issues together.

Becoming a parent is one of the most formative and influential moments in a person’s life. It’s a cause for great joy as your family grows and the love you share multiplies. However, the changes that come with such a big milestone can also put a strain on your marriage.

Staying happy in your relationship will help you be better parents and more fulfilled individuals altogether. This is why it’s important to learn how having a child may affect you and what you can do to keep your relationship strong. For example, if you realize that you and your partner are growing apart because of the stress you’re under, you can improve intimacy in your marriage by attending an intensive workshop.

How Does Having A Child Affect Your Relationship?

Having a baby can be very taxing on the parents, especially the mother. The mother’s body goes through enormous changes during pregnancy and childbirth. Mothers also face higher expectations and harsher scrutiny when it comes to how they care for their babies. They’re often expected to do most of the work all while grappling with the profound impact of the experience. 

Fathers also experience changes, like sleepless nights and having less of their partner to themselves. Even if they had a strong and loving father figure growing up, they may have a hard time adjusting to this new and unfamiliar role. 

During the baby’s first months, both partners are usually tired from a lack of sleep and anxious about whether they’re doing things right. This can generate a lot of friction between them, as they can get irritable and on edge. They may start fighting over the pettiest things and even become resentful toward each other.

Since all of their focus is on the baby and the demands of parenthood are intense, couples generally dedicate little energy to their relationship during this time. This means that passion and romance will likely take the back seat, and the relationship may suffer.

Why Do Some Relationships Fail After Having A Baby?

The pressures of parenthood tend to magnify the severity of any problem the couple had before becoming parents. If their relationship had already been strained to begin with, the new circumstances could damage it irreparably. 

For example, it’s common for women in heterosexual relationships to take on the bulk of the housework. This may be manageable for the woman before the arrival of the baby and it may not seem that serious. However, with a new addition to the family, women are often also expected to be the main caregivers. This puts them under a tremendous amount of pressure and they look to their husbands for support. 

If the man isn’t willing to change and share the responsibilities more equally, the woman will likely feel underappreciated and disappointed. The man, on the other hand, could feel like he didn’t agree to the new responsibilities that are being imposed on him. This could cause constant bickering and lead to the end of the relationship.

Because this huge change tends to bring out the negative aspects of the relationship, it’s important to be on the same page before you decide to become parents. Your bond needs to be strong enough to withstand the pressures that are probably coming your way. It’s also important to continue working on the relationship after the baby is born. 

How Does Having Children Strengthen Your Relationship?

While the negative aspects are talked about more often, having a baby can actually change your relationship for the better. Here’s how:

• You’ll have fewer moments just for the two of you, so you’ll appreciate your time together much more.
• By bonding over your shared experience, you’ll become even closer.
• You’ll develop even more respect for each other seeing how your partner handles their parental duties.
• Because you’ll need each other’s support more than ever, you’ll be grateful for being on the same team.
• Children teach you how to give selflessly and you can also become a better partner because of it.
• Caring for a child helps you develop empathy, which can also be a positive force in your relationship.
• You may encounter difficulties and find healthy ways to overcome them together, helping your marriage thrive.

How Do You Maintain A Relationship After Having A Baby?

Healthy relationships take work. Putting conscious effort into your marriage is even more important after having children. All relationships have ups and downs, and it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. 

However, if you don’t lose sight of what really matters, you have excellent chances of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection for years to come.  

Here are some things you can do to make sure your relationship continues to flourish:

• Listen to your partner: Active listening and empathy can help you understand their needs better and meet them more effectively. 
• Be vocal about your needs: Be honest about your feelings. Tell your partner how they could help and ask them if you could do anything to make things easier on them.
• Take a step back before you start a fight: Stress makes everyone irritable and it can  provoke hurtful arguments. Try to cool off and talk about it when you’re both calmer.
• Make time for the two of you: Ask someone to babysit so you can have some time together to talk and decompress. READ that again!  It is hard to leave a newborn behind however, if you have trusted friends and/or family, ask them to help.  Even if it is for one hour so you and your beloved can talk a walk alone.

How Do I Get In Touch With A Qualified Remote Relationship Coach?

If you’re looking for quality relationship coaching, PIVOT provides sessions for individuals looking for self-improvement as well as couples who need to reconnect and enhance their bond. If you wish to work on your relationship after having a baby, learn coping mechanisms to deal with your love addiction, or need techniques to stop comparing yourself to your partner, give us a call. Our trained team will welcome you and guide you through the healing process.