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It’s normal for all of us to want to feel love, support, and empathy. You want a partner who will pay attention to you, actively listen, and be there to support you through difficult times. 

However, what happens when finding a partner becomes your sole preoccupation? What if you or your partner discover that you have an addictive personality when you’re in a relationship? On the surface, feeling strongly attached to your partner may not sound like a big deal. 

Yet, not everyone knows what love addiction actually is. In fact, at PIVOT, we use a more accurate term.  We call it attachment dysregulation. And to overcome is to learn first – what is actually attachment dysregulation and how does it manifest itself?

What Is Attachment Dysregulation?

Attachment dysregulation, as it relates to the term love addiction, refers to the feelings of euphoria and other intense emotions while either in a relationship or in pursuit of a relationship. Feeling longing when your partner’s not around or indulging their desires reflects the usual dedicated behavior in a relationship.

However, the main distinction between attachment dysregulation and regular, loving, and dedicated relationships is the innermost desire and need of one partner to be in a relationship. Only then can they feel completely and truly happy and satisfied with their lives. 

Some of the main characteristics of relationship and love addicts include: 

• Their psychological inability to be alone, i.e. without a partner by their side. 
• An unrelenting desire to start a relationship with another person.
• Becoming overbearing toward your partner for fear of the relationship ending.
• Inability to leave a toxic relationship due to fear of ending up alone and without that special someone. 

Attachment dysregulation affects the brain in similar ways as other addictions do. It makes it difficult to think about things other than your current or potential partner. You may be compelled to seek your thrill out even if it means suffering negative consequences, You may even be unable to function at your maximum capacity due to your mind being preoccupied with a feeling you identify as love. 

What Are The Signs Of Love Addiction?

The beginnings of attachment dysregulation often mimic some usual relationship patterns. Infatuation, sense of closeness, the need for frequent physical contact and sex, as well as emotional rollercoasters can describe many relationships. However, there are certain defining characteristics that, when combined, can signal attachment dysregulation. These include: 

• Repeated make-ups and break-ups with one or more partners
• Attempts at using sex to fix problems in a relationship
• Absence of personal life outside of a relationship
• Formation of identity around your relationship
• Justifying abusive and toxic patterns to remain with a partner
• Inability to willfully exit a relationship
• Committing very quickly
• Becoming dependent on your partner and overlooking their flaws and toxic traits
• Feeling of exhaustion after frequent lows and highs in your relationship without an incentive to leave
• Obsessive behavior in a relationship
• Experiencing negative emotions like lack of love and desire from your partner
• Absence of time dedicated to yourself or your friends and family
• Attempts at changing your own personality, habits, and behaviors for the sake of remaining in a relationship
• Feeling tired, irritable, insecure, confused, anxious, or depressed

What Causes Relationship Addiction?

While it may be difficult to claim what causes attachment dysregulation with a great degree of certainty, there’s a lot that points to a lack of love and support in your young life, as well as potential early-childhood abandonment. 

At its most fundamental, attachment dysregulation is an attempt to fill a void in your adult life left by the scars of your childhood and past trauma. Often, negative relationship patterns in your early childhood are usually the main cause behind later-life attachment dysregulation. 

Over time, this becomes your survival pattern due to untreated wounds from your childhood. Individuals susceptible to attachment dysregulation usually live through some upsetting events at a young age, such as:

• The divorce of your parents
• One or both parents are addicts and/or mentally ill
• Discovery that you were adopted
• Losing a parent or a sibling at an early age
• Suffering abuse during your early childhood
• Emotionally unavailable parents
• Abandonment and neglect
• Absence of parental validation

Whatever the reason, the result is an unhealthy and disconnected relationship that does you more harm than good, but that you’re also unable to leave. 

How Do You Overcome A Love Addiction?

The first and the most important thing is that if someone tells you that you are a love addict, dump that label.  What you are experiencing is attachment dysregulation, and, it doesn’t mean that change isn’t possible. It’s a signal to dig deeper, work harder, and understand you are deserving and capable of secure attachments. You would benefit from help from a certified relationship coach to gain an understanding of yourself and begin to engage in a process that is designed for YOU.  

It’s important to listen to yourself and notice your thoughts and feelings. Once you recognize your craving and desire for relationship is getting in the way of your choosing what is healthy for you, make a decision to do all you can to stop engaging in addictive patterns and break the vicious cycle. You can get help learning how to stay far away from known triggers.  Avoiding  love-oriented content, social media, dating apps, etc. for a period of time can help you begin to dissipate the anxiety caused from your unmet longing.

You can find solace, empathy, and support from your trusted friends and family. Focus on yourself for as long as it’s necessary until you start seeing first fruits of your labor. And remember to take it slow and be gentle with yourself – you deserve it. 

PIVOT Supports You In Overcoming Your Love Addiction In Your Relationship

Relationship problems come in all shapes and forms, from not receiving enough empathy and attention from your loved one to struggling to rekindle your passion. Attachment dysregulation is also one of the frequent issues. Experiencing it can be very difficult for both you and your partner. It can lead to long-term relationship issues that could be difficult to resolve. 

However, know that it’s not the end of the road for your relationship and that it’s entirely possible to overcome your addictive behavior. While not easy, as few matters of the heart and mind are, it’s certainly achievable. It’s similar to finding love again after your breakup. It seems impossible, yet it isn’t, especially with guidance from experienced and empathetic advocates. PIVOT is here to help you find balance in your life and relationship again. Our team of caring advocates will help you understand the reasons behind your addiction and be there as you’re overcoming it. Our couple retreat could do the trick for you and your partner, or or you’d rather attend individual workshops for working on your problems. Call us today and let’s overcome your issues together.

Becoming a parent is one of the most formative and influential moments in a person’s life. It’s a cause for great joy as your family grows and the love you share multiplies. However, the changes that come with such a big milestone can also put a strain on your marriage.

Staying happy in your relationship will help you be better parents and more fulfilled individuals altogether. This is why it’s important to learn how having a child may affect you and what you can do to keep your relationship strong. For example, if you realize that you and your partner are growing apart because of the stress you’re under, you can improve intimacy in your marriage by attending an intensive workshop.

How Does Having A Child Affect Your Relationship?

Having a baby can be very taxing on the parents, especially the mother. The mother’s body goes through enormous changes during pregnancy and childbirth. Mothers also face higher expectations and harsher scrutiny when it comes to how they care for their babies. They’re often expected to do most of the work all while grappling with the profound impact of the experience. 

Fathers also experience changes, like sleepless nights and having less of their partner to themselves. Even if they had a strong and loving father figure growing up, they may have a hard time adjusting to this new and unfamiliar role. 

During the baby’s first months, both partners are usually tired from a lack of sleep and anxious about whether they’re doing things right. This can generate a lot of friction between them, as they can get irritable and on edge. They may start fighting over the pettiest things and even become resentful toward each other.

Since all of their focus is on the baby and the demands of parenthood are intense, couples generally dedicate little energy to their relationship during this time. This means that passion and romance will likely take the back seat, and the relationship may suffer.

Why Do Some Relationships Fail After Having A Baby?

The pressures of parenthood tend to magnify the severity of any problem the couple had before becoming parents. If their relationship had already been strained to begin with, the new circumstances could damage it irreparably. 

For example, it’s common for women in heterosexual relationships to take on the bulk of the housework. This may be manageable for the woman before the arrival of the baby and it may not seem that serious. However, with a new addition to the family, women are often also expected to be the main caregivers. This puts them under a tremendous amount of pressure and they look to their husbands for support. 

If the man isn’t willing to change and share the responsibilities more equally, the woman will likely feel underappreciated and disappointed. The man, on the other hand, could feel like he didn’t agree to the new responsibilities that are being imposed on him. This could cause constant bickering and lead to the end of the relationship.

Because this huge change tends to bring out the negative aspects of the relationship, it’s important to be on the same page before you decide to become parents. Your bond needs to be strong enough to withstand the pressures that are probably coming your way. It’s also important to continue working on the relationship after the baby is born. 

How Does Having Children Strengthen Your Relationship?

While the negative aspects are talked about more often, having a baby can actually change your relationship for the better. Here’s how:

• You’ll have fewer moments just for the two of you, so you’ll appreciate your time together much more.
• By bonding over your shared experience, you’ll become even closer.
• You’ll develop even more respect for each other seeing how your partner handles their parental duties.
• Because you’ll need each other’s support more than ever, you’ll be grateful for being on the same team.
• Children teach you how to give selflessly and you can also become a better partner because of it.
• Caring for a child helps you develop empathy, which can also be a positive force in your relationship.
• You may encounter difficulties and find healthy ways to overcome them together, helping your marriage thrive.

How Do You Maintain A Relationship After Having A Baby?

Healthy relationships take work. Putting conscious effort into your marriage is even more important after having children. All relationships have ups and downs, and it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. 

However, if you don’t lose sight of what really matters, you have excellent chances of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection for years to come.  

Here are some things you can do to make sure your relationship continues to flourish:

• Listen to your partner: Active listening and empathy can help you understand their needs better and meet them more effectively. 
• Be vocal about your needs: Be honest about your feelings. Tell your partner how they could help and ask them if you could do anything to make things easier on them.
• Take a step back before you start a fight: Stress makes everyone irritable and it can  provoke hurtful arguments. Try to cool off and talk about it when you’re both calmer.
• Make time for the two of you: Ask someone to babysit so you can have some time together to talk and decompress. READ that again!  It is hard to leave a newborn behind however, if you have trusted friends and/or family, ask them to help.  Even if it is for one hour so you and your beloved can talk a walk alone.

How Do I Get In Touch With A Qualified Remote Relationship Coach?

If you’re looking for quality relationship coaching, PIVOT provides sessions for individuals looking for self-improvement as well as couples who need to reconnect and enhance their bond. If you wish to work on your relationship after having a baby, learn coping mechanisms to deal with your love addiction, or need techniques to stop comparing yourself to your partner, give us a call. Our trained team will welcome you and guide you through the healing process.

A mother-child bond is one of the closest and tenderest connections two people could share. If it’s healthy, it brings the mother ultimate, life-long happiness and provides the child with stable emotional foundations. However, when it’s dysfunctional, it can do a lot of harm and have far-reaching effects on the child’s adult life. 

A person who had a troubled relationship with their mother is sometimes described as having ‘mommy issues’. Their childhood hurt can have a huge impact on their other relationships. This is why it’s important to understand what these issues are, how they can influence you, and how you can recover from them by working with a relationship coach online. 

What Are Mommy Issues?

Mental health professionals rarely use the term ‘mommy issues’ because it’s not a recognized condition. However, the phrase is often used casually, in everyday conversations and all over social media. What people mean by it is actually that the person has an unhealthy attachment style that comes from a dysfunctional childhood relationship with their mother. While it’s mostly used to describe men, women can also struggle with similar problems.

What Can Give You Mommy Issues?

‘Mommy issues’ are caused by a lack of a loving and supportive mother figure during childhood. There are different scenarios that could happen, like:

• Your mother may have been absent or emotionally unavailable, which can make you desperate for affection and possessive of your partner. These mothers withheld their love and support, so their children fear the same happening in their adult relationships.
• If a mother is overbearing, harsh, and demanding, her child may harbor a deep-seated resentment or even hatred for women. They may also avoid commitment, like getting married and having children. These mothers criticize and punish without providing the environment of love and respect that a child needs to thrive.
• Some mothers encourage their child’s narcissism and selfishness. They give excessive praise and instill in them a distrust of others, creating a sense of ‘you and me against the world’. This can lead to unhealthy idolization of the mother. These men are typically overly attached to their mothers and critical to other women in their lives.

What Are The Signs Of Mommy Issues?

Here are some behavioral patterns someone with ‘mommy issues’ might have:

• Mommy’s boy: Men that are commonly said to have ‘mommy issues’ often let their mothers run their lives. Although they’re adults, their mothers have a say in everything they do and wield a powerful influence over their decisions. These men lack independence and agency, and subscribe to the belief that ‘mother knows best’. When they have a problem, they may go to their mother rather than their partner.
• Impossible expectations of women: Men who’ve had an overbearing mother growing up often idolize her. If they consider their mother to be the embodiment of perfection, they may feel like no woman can hold a candle to her. This can create a lot of friction in their romantic relationships because their partners can’t live up to these expectations.
• Trust issues: Being a son of an emotionally distant or absent mother means that you may have trouble opening up and trusting women. They may have abandonment issues, which tend to make them needy, clingy, and jealous.
• No respect for women: Some men resent their controlling, emotionally cold, or absent mothers. Because of this, they may harbor anger toward all women. Their pent-up rage and frustration may then come out in their romantic relationships. For example, they may snap easily or be pathologically possessive.
• Sense of entitlement: Some mothers idealize their sons to the point of imbuing them with egotism and selfishness. They’re raised to feel like no woman is ever good enough for them. Unsurprisingly, this gives rise to problems in their romantic life. For example, they may compete with their partner or be overly critical of them.

How Do Mommy Issues Affect Relationships?

Depending on the kind of dysfunctionality the person has experienced growing up, their ‘mommy issues’ may have different effects on their adult relationships. Here are some possibilities:

• Fearing and avoiding commitment. 
• Being emotionally distant and aloof.
• Having trouble showing feelings.
• Being disrespectful to women.
• Seeking their mother’s approval before making any decision.
• Taking their mother’s side.
• Seeking partners who resemble their mother in some way.
• Acting entitled and spoiled.
• Being overly critical of their partner.
• Being extremely sensitive to criticism. 
• Looking for constant approval and reassurance.

How Do I Get Over Mommy Issues?

Getting over your early emotional trauma is possible. A trained relationship coach can guide you through the process as well as help you heal and learn from the experience. There are several steps you can take, such as:

• Pinpoint the issue: Becoming aware of your unhealthy patterns and how they affect your relationships is the first step. You may wish to work on becoming more independent from your mother, opening up emotionally, or being more forgiving to your partner. Once you figure out the areas you want to work on, you can start delving deeper into the root causes of your problems.
• Uncover the causes: To adopt healthier patterns, it’s important to understand what led you to dysfunctional behavior. You’ll need to recall your past experiences and identify what contributed to the way things are right now. Walking through this process with a PIVOT coach can be incredibly helpful. 
• Make your peace: If your relationship with your mother is the cause of your struggles, forgiving her and accepting the reality of things may be one part of your healing process. It’s also crucial to forgive yourself and, if you feel the need, make amends to the people you may have wronged due to your problems.

Where Can I Find A Comfortable Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals?

Your early experiences shape your behavior all throughout life. If they were hurtful, they may have opened the door to dysfunction. However, you can fight the effects of your troubled relationship with your father, your ongoing addiction to falling in love, or your lack of empathy and listening skills. 

PIVOT offers a program of individual workshops that will cater to your needs as well as custom couples retreats that help you work on your relationship. Our relationship advocates will teach you how to overcome your difficulties and change for the better. Reach out to us to get support on your journey!

While it’s not a term generally used by mental health professionals, ‘daddy issues’ often come up when talking about a woman’s attitude to men. You’ll hear people use the phrase to describe how a woman’s attachment to her father affects her self-image and her relationships with other men. Unfortunately, it’s often thrown around too casually or even used to denigrate a woman without showing any sympathy or understanding of the complex issue of parent-child attachment.

To get a better insight into what’s usually called ‘daddy issues’, it’s important to understand what behavioral patterns people label this way and how to recognize them in yourself and others. Then, you can learn how to overcome them with the help of a relationship coach.

What Does It Mean To Have Daddy Issues?

People generally use the phrase ‘daddy issues’ to talk about a woman who has an unhealthy relationship to father figures in her life. It implies that she has trouble establishing healthy, secure connections with men because of her dysfunctional bond to her father. While the term isn’t typically used by professionals, it has a lot to do with the concept of attachment styles, which psychologists use to explain a person’s early connection to their parents and its effects on their adult lives.

For example, your father may have been distant, not providing the necessary emotional support and nurturing, or he may have been absent altogether. This could create an anxious attachment style, where the person is insecure and fears abandonment. You may then seek the affection of a father-type figure who will protect you like a parent would. Alternatively, you may have grown up idealizing your father because you were his favorite, so you unconsciously replicate a kind of father-daughter dynamic in your romantic relationships.

How Do I Know If I Have Daddy Issues?

Someone who could be considered to have ‘daddy issues’ may exhibit certain behavioral patterns, such as:

• You fall in love with much older men: If you didn’t have a loving, trustworthy father figure growing up, you may feel like older men provide the protection and security you crave. You may prefer them to younger men because of their experience, financial success, and stable lifestyle.
• You’re a people pleaser: People with childhood wounds often struggle with deep-seated insecurity. As children, they didn’t establish a strong connection with one of their parents, so they’re anxious about affection being withheld from them. This is why they may tend to be more agreeable and pliable, doing everything they can do to keep their partner by their side.
• You’re overly needy in relationships: You may be scared of being ignored or abandoned because that’s the kind of experience you’ve had with your father. These feelings could make you jealous, possessive, and clingy in your romantic relationships. For example, you may constantly check on your partner and suspect them of cheating even though there’s no reason for it.
• You need constant reminders that you’re loved: Seeking reassurance is another sign that you developed anxious attachment in your childhood. No matter how much affection you receive, it doesn’t seem to be enough. For example, no matter how hard your partner tries, you may feel like they don’t give you enough compliments, spend enough time with you, or tell you they love you often enough.
• You’re stuck in a pattern of abusive relationships: People are generally attracted to what they know. If your father was abusive to you or your mother while you were growing up, you may gravitate toward similarly abusive men. Because you didn’t get the chance to mend your dysfunctional relationship with your dad, you may be desperately trying to change your partner. Predatory men often seek out women with ‘daddy issues’ on purpose because they consider them easy prey.
• You use sex as currency: Because your unhealthy relationship with your father left you with little confidence, you may be intensely scared of your partner leaving. Some people in this situation feel like they need to use sex to keep their partner interested. 
• You can’t be single: If your father abandoned you as a child, being alone may give you anxiety. You may enter relationships with incompatible partners, just so you’re with someone. 

Do Some Men Have Daddy Issues?

Although it’s not usually talked about, the absence of a loving and supportive father figure during childhood can affect men just as much as it affects women. Whether the father was out of the picture, abusive, or too controlling, dysfunctional father-son relationships leave a mark. 

Here’s how a man with ‘daddy issues’ may act:

• He has pent-up anger. A man who was abandoned or neglected by his father may have a lot of hidden anger that emerges in seemingly benign situations, like a petty disagreement with his partner.
• He has commitment issues: He may be reluctant to take further steps in a relationship because he hasn’t had a positive example of a man taking responsibility. 
• He has difficulty expressing his emotions: If he’s uncomfortable sharing his feelings and opening up, it may be due to his unresolved problems with his father. 
• He can’t bond with other men: He may distrust other men, especially older, father-like figures or those who are in a position of authority.

How To Heal Your Daddy Issues?

Childhood trauma may reverberate throughout your life if you don’t address it. Here’s what you can do to overcome your ‘daddy issues’:

• Acknowledge the problem: Start by recognizing the problem and how it plays out in your relationships. Once you’re aware of your unhealthy patterns, you can start working on getting over them. 
• Stop blaming yourself: ‘Daddy issues’ is often used as a disparaging term to belittle a woman. People often use it lightly and even jokingly. However, the truth is these women deserve understanding and empathy. They were failed by their fathers and their struggles are not their own fault. 
• Move past it: It’s perfectly normal to grieve over not having an adequate father figure in your life. It’s all part of the process of letting go and adopting healthier behavioral patterns. This is something that you can accomplish by working with a reliable relationship coach.

Where Do I Sign Up For Helpful Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection?

Your relationship with your parents defines your life in a major way. If it’s had a negative impact, you can turn things around by signing up for one of our eye-opening individual coaching programs. If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship because of your or your partner’s childhood trauma, our helpful retreat for couples is an excellent option. 

We address a wide range of issues, so we’re the right choice if you want to recover from your dysfunctional relationship with your mother, stop toxic competition with your partner, learn how to listen more effectively, or break unhealthy patterns of love addiction. Let’s make the first step together!

Being in a thriving relationship doesn’t only come down to finding a compatible partner. Relationships can become complicated by other people around you, including your friend group. 

Most people feel an intense kinship to their friends and trust them without reservation. So, what happens if your friends don’t like your partner or your partner doesn’t want to give your friends a chance?

Learn how to overcome intimacy problems in relationships that stem from the disconnect between you and your partner’s friends. You’ll discover how to act when your partner’s friends don’t accept you, and when your partner doesn’t want you to get close to their friends. 

Is It OK To Become Friends With Your Partner’s Friends?

Yes, this is absolutely normal. It’s inevitable that you’ll meet their friends as your relationship progresses and this may lead to developing friendships with them in your own right. 

If your partner is opposed to you getting closer to their friends, this may be a cause for concern. It’s important to understand why they feel this way. It’s best to discuss this openly and respectfully so you can find a healthy and balanced solution to this disagreement. There may be different reasons, such as:

• They’re jealous of you taking over their friend group.
• They’re afraid of one of their friends developing romantic feelings for you.
• They worry that you may find out something about them that they aren’t willing to share.
• They could be acting differently when they’re with friends and when they’re with you.
• They may be unsure of where your relationship is going and they don’t want it to affect their friendships.

Whatever the reason, it’s something that has to be addressed and resolved so that you can have an honest, fulfilling relationship going forward. 

Do You Have To Be Friends With Your Partner’s Friends?

While people often do get rather close to some of their longtime partner’s friends, this is in no way necessary. However, most people want to be able to bring their friends and partner into the same social group from time to time. So, even if you aren’t close to their friends, it’s important to still be cordial to them. 

If your partner is pressuring you into socializing with their friends more than you’d like to, it’s best to have a heart-to-heart with them. Tell them honestly why you don’t feel comfortable hanging out with them that intensively and try to find a middle ground. 

What Do You Do If You Don’t Like Your Partner’s Friends?

You can’t get along with all the same people as your partner. This is perfectly normal and not a cause for concern. However, it wouldn’t be fair to expect your partner to end their friendships just because of your sentiments. Giving ultimatums isn’t a good idea because it antagonizes the other person. You need to be careful about making them feel like they’re choosing between you and their friends. 

You can let them know that you’d rather spend some time apart and hang out with your friends while they spend time with theirs. It’s best if you’re upfront about it without insulting or judging their friends. Explain that you respect their friendships, yet don’t necessarily wish to be friends with the same people. An understanding partner will accept this and try to make it work.

What To Do When Your Partner’s Friends Don’t Like You?

Getting to know that your partner’s friends dislike you may be disappointing and disheartening. However, this doesn’t have to affect your relationship. Here are a few things that you can do to make the situation better:

• Try to put yourself in their shoes: Try to understand what it is that makes them distrustful of you. For example, many people are jealous of their friends when they get into a new relationship and start spending more time with their partner. They may only need more time to adjust to and accept the change in their friend’s life. 
• Focus on the things you share: Identify the shared interests you have in common and try to bond over it. Showing a gesture of goodwill could go a long way and they may warm up to you more quickly. However, don’t push it if you see it’s not working. You don’t have to be friends with each other as long as you’re civil.
• Stay respectful: Try not to start arguments with your partner’s friends even if they’re unpleasant to you. Remember that they don’t know you well anyway, so their dislike for you is probably down to some unresolved problems they have, like jealousy or insecurity.
• Don’t invest too much effort into it: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go. If you can see that things aren’t working out, it may be for the best. If you’ve done your best to be amicable and they’re not playing along, it may be best to accept it and move on.

How Do I Stop Being Jealous Of My Partner’s Friends?

Your partner’s friends are a big part of their life and being jealous of them can cause strain in your relationship. While you may want your partner to dedicate all of their time to you, this wouldn’t be healthy. If you feel like they’re neglecting you because of their friends, you need to talk to them about it. Let them know how it makes you feel and see how you could resolve the issue.

Where Can I Find A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Reconnection?

If you and your partner have had a disagreement about your relationship with their friends, don’t worry. Our couples workshops help you work through issues such as this one. We can also support you through a difficult breakup or help you decide if it’s the right time to get married. 

You can also enter our expertise-based individual coaching programs to find out how to establish a new relationship after a breakup, find a way to stop being attracted to unattainable people, or get over someone who ghosted you. Reach out to us to acquire new skills and improve your life!

Online dating has opened up new opportunities. However, it’s also made the modern dating world more complex. While dating apps provide the opportunity to meet a wider range of people, they also bring some unique challenges of their own. One of them is the phenomenon of ghosting. While ghosting doesn’t happen in online dating exclusively, this form of communication makes it easier to disappear without a trace. 

Find out what exactly is ghosting, why it happens, and if it can be one of the love avoidant symptoms. You’ll learn more about this common behavior and understand how to cope with it more successfully if you experience it.

Let’s face it – ghosting sucks. For some, they just play the dating game and move on with a laugh.  Those people are not reading this blog! 

What Is Ghosting?

Ghosting is a part of modern dating lingo that means that someone’s disappeared from your life all of a sudden and without warning or any explanation. You may be thinking that your relationship is going well and then the other person unexpectedly goes on radio silence. They may stop responding to your messages or even block you online.

If you’re being ghosted, it’s normal to feel confused, hurt, and betrayed. You may have opened up to the person and started to develop feelings for them, so it’s understandable for this kind of behavior to catch you off guard. Because you can’t have closure, you may keep thinking about the person and wondering if you’ve done something wrong. 

How Long Before You Call It Ghosting?

Every relationship is different, so it’s impossible to give a clear-cut answer to this. Since you know how long it usually takes the person to respond to your calls or messages, you’ll probably realize that something’s wrong if they haven’t reached out for longer. In general, a few days without getting back to you can probably be explained away. However, anything longer than that may be a cause for concern.

What Is Caspering In Dating?

Caspering is one of the newest phrases coined and mostly used by the users of online dating apps. It’s similar to ghosting because a person stops communicating with someone they’ve been in contact with up until that moment. 

However, caspering is a gentler form of ghosting because they don’t just start ignoring you out of the blue. Instead, they only sever the ties after they’ve let you know how they really feel. People who casper wish to end things amicably, so they’ll tell you why they think things won’t work out between you. Although it may still be hurtful, caspering is not as unhealthy as ghosting because it gives you closure.

Why Do People Ghost?

There are a couple of reasons why a person may ghost you:

• It’s more convenient for them: Telling someone you’re not into them romantically is usually uncomfortable for both parties. People who ghost want to spare themselves the discomfort by avoiding this situation altogether. They take the easy way out by simply stopping all contact. However, the problem is that they don’t factor in the other person’s feelings. They rely on the idea that you’ll put two and two together on your own.
• They have other options: Because of the nature of online dating, people are exposed to more potential partners than ever before. Many people communicate superficially with many people at the same time. They can easily dismiss someone because they’re looking into many different opportunities and they’re overwhelmed with the variety. 
• They aren’t ready to commit: It may be a matter of avoiding deeper connection. Some people prefer keeping their interactions at a superficial level and escape the relationship before it goes anywhere meaningful. 

What Does Ghosting Say About A Person?

Generally speaking, ghosting stems from selfishness. People typically do it because it’s easier and more comfortable for them while at the same time showing disregard for the other person’s feelings. 

These people may be showing signs of emotional immaturity because they’re willing to hurt the other person to avoid an unpleasant conversation. They also exhibit a lack of respect and empathy for others as they act in their own best interest without considering others. 

How Do You Deal With Ghosting In A Relationship?

Most people have trouble letting go of relationships that ended without real closure. Ghosting may make you fixate on the person, thinking of all the things you could have done differently to keep them interested. It may have you going over your conversations in your head over and over again trying to think of explanations. However, this will only keep you going in circles without getting any answers.

In a way, overcoming ghosting is similar to getting over a messy breakup. Here are a few things you can do to make it easier on yourself:

• Although it may be tempting, don’t try to contact the person. This likely won’t be productive and it may keep you from exploring other opportunities and meeting other people.
• Don’t assume that you’ve done something wrong to drive them away. Ghosting is likely a result of their emotional immaturity and selfishness. 
• Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal and engage in activities that bring you joy, like hobbies and socializing with friends.
• See what you can learn from the experience. You may want to distance yourself from dating apps for a while or take a different approach to dating in general.

Who Can Teach Me Healthy Tactics For Coping With Love Addiction Withdrawal?

If you’ve had an experience with ghosting and would like to find a new love afterward, reach out to PIVOT. Thanks to our helpful and carefully crafted individual coaching sessions, you can get a better understanding of your past experiences with unavailable people and pave the way for a successful romantic relationship. We also provide assistance to people in relationships as part of our customized couples coaching program. For example, if you’d like to know how to get along with each others’ friends or discover if marriage is the best next step to take as a couple, we can help. Give us a call to book a spot!

OK, so you’ve been in a relationship for some time. There comes a point when you or your partner start thinking about taking the next step. When this happens, you’re either ready or you’re not.  And, that is true for your partner too.  

Commitment in a relationship comes in many forms.  The meaning of commitment is hopefully discussed prior to committing to a partner! Some people want long term marriage, others do not want to get married, and the list goes on. 

This blog is about transitioning into marriage when both partners initially say they want marriage however may be reluctant now that the relationship has progressed. 

If you truly love your partner and you’re certain of it, a relationship coaching retreat for a couple can help you understand what that block is.

How Long Am I Supposed To Date Before Marriage?

The readiness for marriage is different for most people. Trust has alot to do with it.  Trusting your own decisions, trusting love, and trusting that this is your person.  For some couples, a year is enough to realize their unequivocal commitment to each other. For others, it could be half a year and they’re off to get married, only to spend many years of happiness together. 

However, there are also couples and people who may take a little while longer to decide to tie the knot and make the vow to spend the rest of their lives with another person. And that’s perfectly reasonable as well. We’re all different and we all operate in different rhythms.

However, deciding to get married requires both you and your partner to get to know yourselves on a deeper level.  Both independently and together.  How do your past experiences inform your views on relationships?  Do your wants and needs line up?  

Finally, it could be a good idea to wait until your relationship exits your “romantic” phase and transitions into your real-world chapter. This is when true love and commitment form and when you begin to understand whether you really love someone with your whole being and want to spend the entirety of your life with them. 

How Do I Know If I’m Ready For Marriage?

The truth is that people who step into marriage and have healthy, lasting, experiences know one important fact.  Commitment is the driving force that makes it work – and the ability to stay because of that commitment.  The feelings of love will come and go in a long term relationship. 

That still leaves the question of how to know you’re actually ready for marriage unanswered. Honestly, how can you know you’d be ready to begin this new chapter in your life if you’re questioning your readiness in the first place? 

Even if you’re completely unaware that you might actually be more than ready to take your relationship further, you can start paying attention to the following signals: 

• You realize that you actually do want to spend your future with your partner.  You enjoy each others company and have similar interests. 
• You feel a deep connection with your other half and respect who they are.
• You trust, know, and truly love your significant other and can feel the reciprication. 
• You haven’t thought about changing your partner. 
• You’re good with making various long-term plans together.
• You’re comfortable with your other half being around your family and friends and having their own interests outside of you.
• You understand their past and what challenges they face when it comes to relationships.
• You cannot imagine your future without them at your side. 

Why Do I Not Feel Ready For Marriage?

Knowing if you’re not ready for marriage is just as important as knowing you are. It’s OK not to be ready, and the first thing you have to know is that you’re not at fault for not being prepared for marriage. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong for feeling this way – you’re not. You are who you are, and each of us is ready at different points in our lives. 

However, the problem that may arise is getting your partner to understand that you love them even though you’re not ready for the next step. Not being ready for marriage doesn’t mean there’s no longer love. You just might not be in the right place at the moment, and that’s not something to feel bad about. 

On the other hand, it’s easy to succumb to the pressures of various people around you and simply get on with it because “it’s time” or because “it’s the right thing to do” or because “you’ve been together for so long”. 

That’s why it’s important to know the common telltale signs of not being in a place to get married: 

• You seem to be more concerned with the wedding itself than life with your partner. 
• You realize that you still don’t completely place your trust in your partner. 
• You can’t picture yourself raising a child at this point in your life if having a family is something your partner wants soon. 
• You’re challenged making compromises with your significant other. 
• You feel like other people are putting pressure on you to get married. 
• You find your mind wandering if this relationship is the right one for you. 

What To Do If I’m Not Ready For Marriage?

Be honest with yourself and try to find out why you’re not ready to take the leap. Maybe you’re not ready for the institution of marriage, or maybe you feel like your partner’s not the right fit for you. 

Whatever the reason is, it’s up to you to look deep into yourself and try to understand it. After being honest with yourself, it’s time to be honest with your partner and tell them why you’re not ready to marry them. 

This can be a tough conversation and you might want to find professional help to handle this. However, it’s a conversation you need to have. Be honest, true to yourself, and open with your partner. 

PIVOT’s Relationship Coaching Retreat For A Couple Will Help You Understand If You’re Ready For Marriage

Marriage is a big deal, and not everybody’s ready for it at the same time. You might want to jump into it, certain of your love, or you might be scared of losing your passion once you get married and becoming increasingly complacent as the marriage progresses. 

There are also other situations where you simply don’t believe marriage is the right choice. For example, you and your partner might be on the verge of a breakup only to attempt and glue it all together by taking the next step. Or you just aren’t feeling it, and that’s completely fine. No one can force you to tie the knot. However, you might only be scared and unable to let go of your life right now and open up to all the great things marriage can bring. If that might be the case, PIVOT’s here for you. Our individual workshops can help you work on your own issues, while our couple retreats are perfect for resolving problems in your relationship. Schedule your appointment today!