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Ever catch yourself lost in thoughts of an ex, even when your current relationship feels just fine? It’s an odd sensation—those idealized memories of someone who once meant so much, lingering in your mind despite the months or years that have passed. You’re not alone in this. Whether it’s a fleeting memory or a nagging “what if,” many of us find ex-partners leaving subtle marks on our lives, even when we’re happily committed. But here’s the catch: while it’s totally normal, these idealized thoughts can quietly stir trouble in your present, pulling you away from the connection you’ve built. Curious about how to stop idealizing someone and let go for good? It starts with understanding why we romanticize the past and discovering practical ways to move forward. And if you’re wrestling with something heavier, like relationship addiction withdrawal, know that relationship coaching could be the lifeline you need.

Why Do I Think About Past Relationships So Much?

Are you happy in your current relationship yet the thoughts of your ex just pop into your head unexpectedly? Even if you haven’t thought about or seen them in a while, random snippets of your time together may come into your mind and have you fantasizing about them all over again. You’re not alone as this happens to most people. 

There are many reasons why you could be reminiscing about your past relationship, such as:

• Unresolved emotions: You may not have closure for some reason. Breakups can be messy and you may still have unanswered questions about your past relationship. These “what ifs” may keep you from moving on.
• New situations prompt the comeback of old feelings: You may be growing closer to your new partner and the attachment you’re feeling now may remind you of how you felt with the ex.
• Moving on too soon: Many people enter a new relationship soon after the last one ended. If this is the case, maybe you haven’t allowed yourself the time to process your grief and loss. 
• Idealizing the past: People tend to remember the good and forget the bad. This means you may have a distorted, romanticized image of your past relationship. 
• You’ve recently heard from them: When a person who meant a lot to you suddenly reappears in your life, it can get you thinking of everything you’ve been through together.
• You’re underwhelmed with an aspect of your current relationship: Maybe you don’t know how to talk to your partner about improving your sex life or feel like you can’t say no to your partner. Whatever may be bothering you, fantasizing about your ex may be an outlet.

Why Do People Romanticize Past Relationships?

Your past experiences may seem more exciting or more fulfilling when compared to the mundane reality of your current relationship. It’s important to figure out if this is actually true or if you’re just idealizing the past.  Understanding your preferences and values can help you determine if you were truly compatible with your ex or if you are just remembering the good times.

Our memory is unreliable and susceptible to distortions. Because it’s human nature to feel nostalgic about times gone by, many people remember the best things about their ex and forget the bad. This is why you need to take a closer, clear-headed look at your history together.

After all, you had a reason to end that relationship. Taking a step back and considering the things that led to the breakup can be an excellent reality check. In most cases, people realize that they’re simply looking at the past through rose-colored glasses.

Why Not Compare Your Current Partner to Your Exes?

Similarly to what happens with parasocial relationships, we often idealize our exes and unfairly compare our current partners to this impossible ideal. However, this is a habit that typically causes a lot of frustration and does you no good. Here’s why:

• You’re not working on actual challenges: If you’re taking trips down memory lane to escape ongoing issues in your relationships, you’re missing out on the opportunity to actually tackle these problems and strengthen your bond.
• It’s unfair and uncharitable: It would be very hurtful to your partner to find out that you’re comparing them to an ex. It’s healthier to honestly discuss the areas of your relationship that you aren’t satisfied with and work on improving them together.
• Everyone’s their own person: If you feel like your current relationship is worth investing in, try to appreciate your partner for what they are. This doesn’t mean that you can’t expect them to up their game in certain ways. It’s more about seeing them as an individual with their own unique fears, hopes, and dreams.
• Your perception is probably a little skewed anyways: Since we tend to play up the positive aspects of the past, it’s possible that you don’t actually see your former relationship for what it was.

How Do I Stop Idealizing Past Relationships?

To break this cycle and focus on connecting to a new partner, here are some things you can try: 

• Understand why you do it: Finding out the root cause of your longing for the past can be the start to working through it. You can do this by signing up with our weekly relationship coaching, or you can attend a 5 day intensive retreat.
• Distance yourself from your triggers: If you’re determined not to give your ex a second chance, distance yourself from them. If possible, stop texting them or spending time with them on a regular basis.
• Focus on your current relationship: Spend time with your new partner, get to know them better, and enjoy your time together. Be open to establishing another meaningful connection.

Quick-Action Toolkit: 5 Steps to Stop Idealizing Someone

1. Mindfulness Micro-Pauses: Set a 60-second timer, close your eyes, and name five sensations (what you see, hear, feel, smell, taste).
2. Reality-Check Journaling: Divide a page into “Highlights” vs. “Hard Truths.” List three memories in each column.
3. Self-Esteem Rebuilders: Schedule one activity a day that affirms you (workout, skill-practice, social coffee).
4. Think-Feel-Do: At PIVOT, we learn how to align our head, heart, and feet when we want to make a decision. Ask yourself what you’re thinking about, feel into what is coming up for you, and make sure that your head and heart are on the same page. Good rational thinking and healthy emotional intelligence. Then take a unified decision for yourself, and take action.
5. Gradual exposure to real memories: Revisit neutral or mildly negative moments with the person—photos, texts, places—while noting your real-time feelings.

Pro tip: Bookmark this section and work through one step per day for a week; then recycle the list whenever old fantasies pop up. Consistency, not intensity, breaks the cycle of idealization.

Can Relationship Coaching Help Me Realize How To Leave A Bad Relationship?

Yes, PIVOT’s tailored individual coaching sessions can help you learn more about yourself and give you the strength to end an unfulfilling relationship. If you feel like reminiscing about an ex is putting your current relationship at risk, it may be time to give us a call.

Our caring relationship advocates will also assist you with other challenges, like becoming more self-assured in relationships and setting out on a path of personal growth. In addition, we address couples’ emotional challenges in our customized workshops. 

Reach out to us today to book a stay at our retreat and start a journey of healing and self-discovery.

As if interpersonal relationships weren’t complex enough, more and more people nowadays find themselves in parasocial relationships with people they don’t personally know. Since we’re exposed to idealized images carefully manufactured to expand a celebrity’s following and win the hearts of their fans, falling into such a relationship is easier than ever. 

In the era of social media, with vloggers who share their every move online and intense media coverage of the private lives of celebrities, we’ve become overly attached to our favorite stars. And parasocial relationships have become an increasingly common phenomenon, especially among young people.  

If you’d like to get to know more about parasocial attachment and how to get out of this kind of unhealthy relationship, keep reading.

What Counts As A Parasocial Relationship?

A parasocial relationship happens when you feel intense emotions for someone who you don’t personally know, typically a famous person. They used to mostly happen with TV personalities, popular musicians, actors, and sports stars. However, nowadays they’re also common with social media celebrities. They can also occur with fictional characters, such as the characters from your favorite movie or book.

The way you feel in this type of relationship can be very similar to how you’d feel in a real-life relationship. You‘re intensely interested in everything that has to do with the person, feel like you have a deep connection with them, and are fiercely loyal to them. You may fantasize about the person and be jealous or over-protective of them. Some people may even exhibit obsessive and stalking behavior. 

What Is A Parasocial Breakup?

Since parasocial relationships are in many ways similar to real-life relationships, you can actually experience a parasocial breakup. For example, this may happen if you’ve fallen for a character on a TV show and the TV show ends or gets canceled. 

The fact that you won’t be able to enjoy “the company” of this person any longer may be as painful as a real-life breakup. You may miss them intensely and grieve the end of your time together just like you would with an actual partner.

Are Parasocial Relationships Healthy?

It’s human nature to form bonds with others. Parasocial relationships are a kind of human connection and developing affection for someone who you admire is perfectly understandable. However, the problem is that they can cause a lot of hurt. There are several reasons why:

• They’re one-sided. By default, there’s no reciprocity in a parasocial relationship. One person pines after another, who isn’t even aware of their existence. This longing can cause a lot of pain and frustration.
• They typically involve a high degree of romanticization. Since you don’t personally know the object of your affection, you’re free to fill in the blanks any way you choose. You may feel like nobody compares to this idealized image, which could prevent you from establishing meaningful real-life relationships.
• They often signal a fear of rejection. People who feel strong parasocial affection are sometimes unconsciously protecting themselves from the possibility of rejection. Since the other person doesn’t actually know you, you’re safe from being turned down. However, this can also be stopping you from working through this fear.
• They may intensify your sense of isolation: This type of attachment sometimes happens to people who are lonely and have low self-esteem. Instead of trying to solve these problems, they may withdraw even further, not giving themselves a chance to interact with people in real life.

Can Parasocial Relationships Benefit Real Life Relationships?

Generally, parasocial relationships are a poor stand-in for a reciprocated, real-life relationship. They aren’t a substitute for a meaningful connection with an actual partner who can love you back. 

However, they do have certain benefits:

• They may be a learning experience: They could shed light on what you look for in a partner or what you lack in your current relationship. They can also uncover your attachment patterns, help you understand yourself better, and put you on a path of personal growth.
• They may make it easier to get to know others: Many people who feel intense attraction to a celebrity are part of a fandom. This is a great way for them to meet like-minded people, enjoy a sense of commonality, and form lasting friendships over a shared interest. 
• They may improve your self-esteem: This kind of relationship can be a great source of motivation for someone who lacks confidence. They may perceive the celebrity as a role model and acquire the traits for which they admire them. For example, a person may continue pursuing music as a hobby because they’re inspired by their favorite musician.
• They may provide comfort: These relationships can provide a kind of escapism from everyday situations, especially during certain tumultuous and transitional periods of a person’s life, like adolescence. 

How Do I Get Out Of A Parasocial Relationship?

Getting over someone is hard, even if it’s a celebrity or a fictional character, and you need to give yourself time to process and recover from it. Here are some ways to do it:

• Be gentle on yourself: Don’t beat yourself up about having these feelings.
• Reflect on your emotions: Consider what you can learn from the experience.
• Focus on self-care: Find a source of comfort and an outlet for your grief.
• Connect to the people in your life: Seek support from loved ones.
• Identify the root cause of such a relationship. Try to identify what caused you to form a parasocial relationship. This may help you learn more about yourself, previous experiences, and possible past wounds. You can also reach out to an advocate to help you work this out.  

Where Do I Find A Private Reconnection Retreat For Couples?

If you have difficulty letting go of a parasocial relationship or establishing meaningful bonds with people in your life, PIVOT can offer the guidance you need. Our individual coaching offers an excellent chance for personal growth whether you’re struggling to say no in a relationship or have another issue you’d like to work through.Our approachable relationship advocates help couples understand their relationship and apply this knowledge to further it. For example, you may learn how to talk to each other about topics like sex and intimacy more effectively. Get in touch with us to join our helpful coaching sessions!

Embarking on a journey to overcome the effects of your most common attachment style is akin to navigating the intricacies of your own emotions, a pilgrimage towards self-discovery and emotional liberation. It’s a tender voyage through the recesses of the heart, where the echoes of longing and vulnerability reside. 

Healing anxious attachment is an intimate dance with yourself, a courageous endeavor to rewrite the narrative of your own emotional landscapes and forge connections that resonate with security and trust. It requires a lot of work, building up your confidence and learning to set solid boundaries in your relationships. Still, it’s achievable. You’re not bound to it indefinitely. 

Can You Ever Heal Anxious Attachment?

Although anxious preoccupied attachment, and other insecure styles are typically developed in childhood, it does not mean they’re unalterable. An efficient way to modify them is through earned secure attachment, which you can develop in adulthood with effective therapy and positive life experiences, such as a sense of confidence and security in your relationship with others. 

How to fix anxious attachment style? Self-reflection and personal growth play an essential role in overcoming unhealthy patterns and empower you to maintain fulfilling and healthy relationships while also feeling comfortable being alone. 

Can You Heal Anxious Attachment On Your Own?

Each of us experiences a variety of emotions, both positive and negative, every day, particularly in a relationship. Whether your relationship is slightly struggling or healthy and flourishing, they can be emotional rollercoasters. At times, the ride is beautiful, and you feel a constant fluttering of butterflies. However, emotions can also be so overwhelming that you feel like you’re on a thrill ride without any control.

How to self-soothe anxious attachment? Luckily, through some practice, learning how to self-regulate your emotions can be easy. Changing the way you think and practicing mindfulness are some healthy techniques that can help. Self-regulation means understanding the triggers in your relationship and how you tend to respond emotionally.

To know how to soothe your emotions, first, you must know what can stir them. Some triggers that are common for anxious attachment style in relationships include the following behaviors of your partner:

• Inconsistent behavior.
• Seeming distracted or distant.
• Forgetting big events, like anniversaries or birthdays.
• Failing to notice a new thing (such as a haircut).
• Not responding to a message when you expect them to.
• Coming home late.

These can cause you to become too emotional in your attempt to re-establish a connection with the partner, resulting in emotional attempts to get their attention. Examples of managing to self-regulate your feelings include:

• Calming down when you’re too stimulated.
• Resisting strong emotional responses to upsetting situations.
• Not becoming aggressive or too angry when handling a conflict.
• Managing the frustration if the partner’s plans change.

Practicing the following techniques can help you improve emotional self-regulation and develop healthy responses.

Anger Management

Rather than confining your anger and then letting it burst at your partner or directing it towards yourself, start by recognizing what you’re starting to feel and communicate it clearly to your partner by saying something like: “I’m hurt. I understand that you most likely didn’t intend that. I’m concerned about our relationship because _ _ _ _ _.” 

However, it’s important to be aware that this can be effective with a partner with secure attachment, while an avoidant partner could find it triggering because closeness to another person frightens them. This is why an ideal match for you could be a securely attached partner. 

Mindfulness

This powerful technique allows you to take a breath and separate what you feel and how you react to it. Through mindfulness, you become aware of where you are and what you’re doing. In time, it will make you feel calmer instead of becoming aggressive or discontent. 

Altering Thought Patterns

Cognitive reframing can help improve your self-regulation abilities by changing the way you think. An effective way to do this is to anticipate your negative emotions and thoughts and write them down. Then, challenge these thoughts by analyzing evidence to the contrary. 

For instance, you may think that if you let your partner know how you really feel, they’ll leave you. Now, think back to when you did let them know how you felt. So, did they leave? Once you come to this realization, you’ll be able to create a healthier thought to replace the negative one. 

Professional Assistance

Experienced professionals can help you recognize unhealthy methods of self-regulation. Together, you can go through your triggers and come up with healthy ways of handling your emotions and avoid harming your relationship.

How Do You Break The Cycle Of Anxious Attachment?

Working on learning how to heal anxious attachment can improve your interpersonal relationships and your mental health. It can help you have a happy, less stressful life, alongside many other benefits. Taking these simple steps, you can start shifting your attachment towards a more secure style.

Recognize The Signs

The first step towards healing is recognizing the emotions and behavior patterns that indicate you have an anxious attachment style in relationships. Becoming aware of a problem makes it easier to overcome it. Here are some signs of anxious attachment:

• Codependency.
• Intense discomfort at the thought of being alone.
• Low self-esteem.
• Fear of rejection.
• Fear of being abandoned.
• Harboring negative emotions such as distrust and jealousy.
• Preoccupation with relationships.
• Highly sensitive to others’ emotions.

Acknowledging the pain of your experience and replacing it with positive emotions can help you make significant improvements. 

Learn From Others

Engaging with others who have secure attachment can help you realize it’s important for both partners to have their needs met. You can learn:

• To understand how important it is to have calmness, stability, and emotional closeness in a relationship.
• While you cannot change past experiences, you can certainly change the present.
• It’s important to voice your emotional wants and needs, even if you fear disappointing your partner.

Build Self-Esteem

Improving your self-esteem will help you worry less about rejection and need less reassurance if you struggle with anxious preoccupied attachment. Being open with needs and emotions and accepting that your partner might not be able to meet them is an important part of building self-esteem. It can also help to:

• Focus on positive things about yourself.
• Accept your body and mind without feeling the need to change.
• Increase knowledge about your attachment.
• Accept ability and skills without comparison to others.

PIVOT Is Your Path To Healing Anxious Attachment

Whether you want to gain a deeper understanding of attachment styles or learn how to cope with an insecure style, you can opt for our amazing Glass House retreats or highly personalized individual coaching. Our devoted specialists will approach you with compassion and care to help you navigate through the intricacies of rediscovering your self-worth and building a steady way towards healthy relationships. Get in touch with our experts today!

Falling in love is a powerful and captivating journey that can sweep us off our feet. It encourages us to grow, explore vulnerability, and embrace the beauty of shared intimacy, sparking a profound sense of connection. 

For some, romantic love can be so powerful that it fully consumes us, making it hard to work, study, or engage in usual daily activities when we lack it, a state commonly referred to as love addiction. While PIVOT acknowledges this commonplace term, we do not explicitly endorse it. Love isn’t a bad thing we need to steer clear from or learn to live without, yet a wonderful energy that lies in the essence of human existence. It’s the way we’re attached to it that can get us into trouble. This is why we prefer “attachment dysregulation.” 

Our hunger for affection can lead us to develop unhealthy survival patterns. By healing love addiction we heal the wounds inside ourselves and learn to cope with it in healthy ways, gradually progressing towards self-love and self-control and opening ways for healthy relationships.

How Do I Stop Being Addicted To Love?

Breaking the cycle can be hard. You fear getting out of a relationship although it’s dysfunctional, yet you’re not receiving the love and support you need, which makes you crave all this even more, getting you further obsessed with your partner. It’s far too easy to find yourself caught in a downward spiral, finding it extremely hard to hit “rewind”. However, it’s not impossible. Here are several methods that can help you regain your self-control and begin healing from love addiction:

Acknowledge

Stop for a moment and observe the patterns of your behavior. Be completely honest about what you notice. Go over your relationships in detail, acknowledge if you have developed relationship dependency, and take steps to:

• Accept that the relationship is unhealthy.
• Recognize that reestablishing the relationship isn’t going to solve the problem.
• Refrain from convincing yourself that it’s going to be “different” the following time.
• Accept that the relationship is over.
• Quit hoping that an avoidant partner can change.
• Release the illusion you created.

Take A Break From New Relationships

Abstaining from a new romantic relationship for a while is a good idea. Focus on healing yourself first. Search for satisfaction within everything that you are instead of trying to find it in someone else. Start realizing that it’s not having a partner that makes you complete. In time, you can find security, power, and meaning within yourself. And this is easier said than done. Many people can’t stay OUT of a romantic relationship and be by themselves because the old wound of being abandoned is too hard to feel when they are alone.  So, the cycle of picking relationships that are not healthy due to entering too quickly leaves people feeling very destabilized. 

Become Aware Of Your Triggers

Focusing on your obsession with your prior partner will most likely make you feel miserable. Make an effort to rid yourself of any reminders of them. Remove their photos, store away (or give away) gifts, and muting them on social media is helpful. Coming across any of these will only cause more harm. Choosing to focus on positivity will help it expand. Best not to call their family and friends to “prove” your case.

Embrace The Present

Our minds easily wander off into the memories of past experiences or predictions of what could happen in the future. When these thoughts start to creep in, make a conscious effort to ground yourself in the here and now. Focusing on the present moment will help you alleviate anxiety, stress, and depression. It can help to stop what you’re doing and shift your focus to what you’re feeling, hearing, and seeing in the present moment. 

Learn

Educating yourself on how to heal love addiction and all the pertinent aspects of it can help you understand the reasons why love has such an effect on you. Speaking to a professional can give you a deeper insight into the intricacies of this process and help you discover healthy coping mechanisms.

Foster Healthy Living & Relationships

Having support from your close family and friends is key. However, the most essential part of recovery is working on your relationship with yourself. Nurture yourself through eating healthy, exercising, doing fun activities, and make sure you’re surrounded by people who love you.

Seek Professional Support

Going through the process of healing from love addiction on your own can be challenging. Professional assistance can help you discover the triggers for your behaviors, identify causes, and teach you how to efficiently cope with unhealthy feelings or thoughts.

How To Get Over Love Addiction?

Learning how to heal from love addiction and facing the various challenges of overcoming it is a stressful process that can trigger a series of chemical reactions in your body, which eventually lead to the stage of craving. Successfully overcoming this feeling does take some time, as well as a lot of effort. However, once you’re there, your body will finally be able to rest, reaching a state of equilibrium. Taking the following actions can help you alleviate this phase:

• Engage in positive distractions, such as walking, meditating, gardening, or another healthy activity.
• Perform physical activities, for example jogging, biking, or hiking.
• Talk to a close family member or friend and tell them how you feel.
• Start a journal to release uncomfortable emotions, write about how exactly you feel and encourage yourself.
• Write a list of reasons why your addictive person/relationship is bad for you. 

Healing love addiction isn’t easy. Yet, it’s worthwhile. Take one step at a time and steadily advance towards your goals through hope, perseverance, and self-discovery. Don’t think beyond today, take each day as it comes, and stay focused and committed to your journey to a healthier self.

Trust PIVOT To Help You Heal Love Addiction And Regain Power

PIVOT’s dedicated and experienced specialists are here to help you with how to heal from love addiction and finding the optimal path to healing and recovery. Our inspiring Glass House retreats and personalized coaching for individuals offer reliable and efficient methods of self-discovery that allow you to find your strength, value, and self-love deep within you. 

We’ll work closely with you to guide you through your healing process with great care and compassion and teach you best ways to maintain healthy relationships. We’ll design solutions for your specific situation and goals. Get in touch with us today and embark on your journey of recovery!

In the words of the immortal Pat Benatar: “Love is a Battlefield.” Indeed, this beautiful song perfectly encapsulates the thin line between passion and pain in a relationship and our willingness to battle our demons for nothing besides a promise of a brighter future.

Sometimes, however, we may lose the sense of what we’re fighting for or why we’re even fighting. Sometimes, we take the fight to the extreme and lose sight of our objective. In doing so, we turn arms and armor ourselves until nothing’s left, apart from the fight itself. Often to find that we are fighting the wrong fight.  

Still, no war lasts forever. Sooner or later, the combat ceases, and the dust begins to settle, leaving us with a simple question. “What now?” This analogy is also the perfect love withdrawal example.

Once the battle is done, we’re left navigating the battlefield of broken emotions and injured self-esteem, wondering how to deal with love withdrawal. The answer lies in understanding the implications and consequences of adopting love addiction as a default operating method.

What Are The Effects Of Love Addiction?

Much like traditional addiction (Substance Use Disorder/SUD), pathological love can manifest in a myriad of psychophysical effects, including (not limited to):

• Obsession with the romantic interest;
• Intense craving for the emotional high;
• Compulsive pleasure-seeking;
• Overwhelming fear of rejection/abandonment;
• Distortion of self-worth/fragile self-esteem;
• Formation of codependency;
• Compromised/irrational decision-making.

Do note that this is, by no means, a comprehensive list of symptoms. The effects and examples of love addiction are incredibly diverse and typically vary on a per-person basis, as each individual experiences and expresses emotions differently.

What Are The Disadvantages Of Love Addiction?

Based on the aforementioned factors, we can extrapolate many disadvantages that come with pathological love. Here, we’ll focus on those that can have a profound effect on virtually every aspect of the person’s life. Note that this has nothing to do with pressing blame or shaming individuals struggling with attachment dysregulation. Instead, we’re here to help you understand the negative consequences such behavioral patterns can have on your day-to-day life.

Enmeshment

Derived from diminished self-worth and self-esteem, individuals in a love-addicted relationship often tie their entire system of self-value to the perceived levels of attention and affection they receive from their romantic partners.

Compromised Decision-Making

Due to the compulsive need to maintain the emotional high, love-addicted individuals can often make decisions that could not be called entirely rational. Instead, they tend to prioritize the relationship above everything else, even to the point of jeopardizing their own well-being. 

Tumultuous Emotional Landscape

A prime example of love addiction and its hallmark is the experience of being on an emotional rollercoaster. The cycle of euphoric highs, caused by receiving affection from the partner, is typically followed by devastating lows when said affection is lacking.

What Are The Consequences Of Love Addiction?

Being trapped in the cycle of love addiction can have a number of outcomes that can be detrimental to the individual’s overall quality of life. However, some of them can have grave and lasting consequences, thereby warranting further breakdown.

Potential For Codependency

The dependence on external validation, resulting from enmeshment, may cause a person’s own identity to become secondary, which not only further exacerbates the feelings of unworthiness but also stifles the potential for personal development and independence.

Consequences Of Irrationality

This obsession with the partner and relationship can lead to a variety of detriments, such as:

• Neglect of personal and professional responsibilities;
• Inability to set, maintain, or respect healthy boundaries;
• Neglect of other relationships, personal and professional;
• Accepting abusive behavior in the name of “love.”

Emotional Volatility

The endless cycle of highs and lows is intensified by the constant need for affirmation and fear of abandonment. This can lead to emotional instability that can affect the individual’s mental health and also strain the relationship, eventually leading to its dissolution.

What Are The Withdrawal Symptoms Of Love Addiction?

To better understand love withdrawal, first, we must understand what this process entails in its original context.

What Is Withdrawal?

In terms of traditional addiction (SUD), withdrawal refers to psychophysical reactions the body experiences after the cessation of substance (ab)use. After prolonged use, the brain and the body adapt to the substance.

Since this way of functioning becomes a new normal, the body starts reacting negatively once the person stops introducing drugs or alcohol into the system, causing withdrawal symptoms to emerge.

However, it must be noted that, while unpleasant, withdrawal is not necessarily a bad thing. The human body has an innate “memory” of the correct way of functioning, as well as the ability to self-detox.

Shortly after the substance is reduced or stopped, it initiates the purge process, attempting to expunge the remnants of the substance from the system. Therefore, withdrawal can be viewed as the organism’s attempt to readjust to functioning without the substance.

How Does Love Addiction Withdrawal Work?

The withdrawal from love addiction is similar to that experienced with substance abuse. The difference is that the substances in question are the so-called “happy chemicals” that naturally occur in the body. As such, the love withdrawal process typically tends to err on the emotional side, with the three most prevalent symptoms being:

• Intense feelings of emptiness due to the absence of a partner’s attention and affection can lead to an overwhelming sense of loss and despair.
• Anxiety, resulting from the challenges of grasping the newfound solitude, may exacerbate the fear of abandonment. This may cause physical symptoms, such as restlessness, heart palpitations, and difficulty concentrating, among others.
• Depression can sometimes develop as a result of love addiction withdrawal, mainly due to the sudden shift from intense emotional connection to solitude, leading to an overwhelming sense of grief and hopelessness.

While the aforementioned are the most common and prominent love withdrawal examples, it can also manifest in a variety of other ways, including:

• Sudden/persistent bouts of crying or tearfulness;
• Disrupted sleep patterns;
• Appetite dysregulation;
• Energy depletion and fatigue;
• Intense relationship craving/emotional longing;
• Separation distress (frustration, tension);
• Emotional volatility (mood swings).

How To Stop Love Withdrawal?

As noted above, withdrawal is the body’s attempt to revert back to “factory settings” and adjust to a healthier way of functioning. As such, attempting to stop love withdrawal is not advisable. In addition, this is an innate, natural process that’s seldom within our control. However, it is possible to manage and lessen the intensity of the symptoms over time.

How To Deal With Love Withdrawal?

There are several effective ways that can help you face love addiction withdrawal and come out on top:

• Acknowledge and accept that you’re dealing with love addiction without judging or blaming yourself;
• Seek support from family and friends, as they can provide much-needed empowerment, as well as fresh perspectives;
• Prioritize self-care above everything else. This includes regular exercise, healthy meals, and good sleep while also engaging in activities you love and enjoy.
• Create space for emotional healing by setting healthy boundaries between yourself and the object of your affection;
• Engage in constructive distractions, whether it be taking up a new (or old) hobby, reading and learning, or spending time with family and friends.

However, by far, the best way to deal with love withdrawal and its unpleasant side-effects is through professional guidance. Coaching, counseling, and psychotherapy can be instrumental in overcoming the challenges involved with this state and freeing yourself from the chains of addiction. The behavioral patterns that are not serving you were set in motion a long time ago. 

Turn To PIVOT For Help Managing Love Addiction Withdrawal

Dealing with love withdrawal and its symptoms is much easier with compassionate support and expert guidance. At PIVOT, that’s exactly what we offer. At our Glass House Retreat, you’ll find a variety of workshops, tailored to your individual needs and unique situation. 

Led by a team of experienced coaches, our group and one-on-one sessions promote healing, rediscovering your uniqueness and self-worth, and building sound, healthy foundations for future relationships. Reach out to us today and begin your journey on how to stop love withdrawal for a better tomorrow!

The ultimate goal every human being strives toward is a concept each and every one of us is intimately familiar with – to love and be loved. It’s a necessity so basic, a desire so deeply ingrained into the very core of our being that we can’t help and give our all to fulfill it.

However, sometimes, this desire turns into an uncontrollable, obsessive craving. When that happens, pursuing love becomes a desperate quest for validation and acceptance at all costs and by any means necessary. 

Some even take it a step further, trying to replicate feelings of euphoria and elation by force instead of letting them happen naturally, at their own time and terms. By doing so, they’re effectively turning the skewed idea of love into a potent drug, which leaves them at risk of facing love addiction.

Fortunately, there is a way to avoid this trap, and it begins by understanding what causes love addiction on a deeper level. However, we do have to note that at PIVOT, we prefer to use the term of attachment dysregulation to explain these and similar problems and solely use the term “addiction” in order to explain why it doesn’t work.

What Makes A Person Addicted To Love?

The most important thing to realize is that there’s no single factor that causes love addiction in a relationship. Instead, it is a combination of numerous biopsychosocial contributors. From individual brain chemistry and genetics to earliest life experiences and societal influences, it is the fusion of these constituents that shapes patterns of behavior and emotional responses.

Considering the sheer complexity and life-defining potential of this phenomenon, facing love addiction warrants a deep dive into each of these factors.

Biological & Neurochemical Factors

Starting with the basics, there are some elements of our existence we can’t control or have limited influence over, which can set the stage for the formation of love addiction (pathological love).

Genetics & Family History

It is a little-known fact that addiction can be hereditary to an extent. Still, it is confirmed that individuals with a family history of mental health conditions run a higher risk of developing similar or the same conditions in the future.

While pathological love is not classified as a mental illness under “The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5thEdition (DSM-5)”, it does share many similarities with “traditional addiction” or Substance Use Disorder (SUD), making similar criteria applicable in both diagnosis and treatment.

Co-Occurring Mental Health Conditions

The impact of mental health conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and SUD) on love addiction can be twofold:

• Conditions can develop alongside pathological love, typically worsening the symptoms;
• Pre-existing conditions can be among the triggers that cause it to form. 

It needs to be noted that the risk of SUD formation is higher in individuals suffering from love addiction. The reason for this is that they’ll often resort to alternative means of satisfying their need for a “love high” if they don’t receive the affection they crave from a romantic relationship.

Neurochemistry

While the feeling of being in love can seem “divine,” “heavenly,” and “out of this world,” the reality is it’s all in our heads. In this case, quite literally. When we’re in love, our bodies release the so-called “feel good” chemicals, among others: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and epinephrine.

These chemicals target the brain’s reward centers, causing an overwhelming sense of pleasure. The more in love we are, the more active this process becomes. However, in the case of addiction, whether love or SUD, it gets taken to the extreme.

Here, the reward centers become flooded with excessive amounts of feel-good chemicals, causing a euphoric high. However, once the instigator of the process becomes absent, the brain is left deprived of its nourishment, which inevitably leads to a devastating crash.

Psychological & Emotional Factors

Moving away from the physical and into the realm of the mental, we have another set of factors that can be considered causes of love addiction. 

Childhood Experiences & Attachment Styles

The earliest life experiences define how we form connections with others or, in other words, how we form emotional attachments. Individuals who grow up in a positive environment, where their physical and emotional needs are met, typically develop a secure attachment style, enabling them to form healthy bonds with others.

On the flip side, children who experienced inconsistent love, neglect, or abandonment during their formative years have a tendency to develop insecure attachment styles. Whether it’s anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, each of these attachment styles can present a fertile ground for pathological love formation.

Traumatic Experiences & Coping Mechanisms

In some cases, love addiction may develop as a coping mechanism. Typically, this happens as a result of a traumatic experience, which may include (and isn’t limited to):

• Being a victim of abuse, whether emotional, physical, verbal, or sexual;
• Witnessing a deeply disturbing event, such as a violent crime or natural disaster;
• Being exposed to sensory overload or deprivation, for example, intense family conflicts or emotional neglect;
• Dealing with excessive amounts of stress or extreme life challenges.

In these and similar instances, a person may “adopt” love addiction as a way to protect themselves or escape from the harsh reality of life.

Low Self-Esteem

Individuals with a diminished sense of identity and self-worth often turn to external sources for validation and emotional stability. In the case of pathological love, this source is their romantic partner. However, this constant and intense need for reassurance and affirmation typically exacerbates the feelings of insecurity and may even lead to the formation of codependency.

Fear Of Abandonment

Often rooted in past traumatic experiences, fear of abandonment can be the primary cause behind the compulsive need for affection, which is the defining characteristic of love addiction. This fear, whether rational or irrational, may drive the person to cling to their partner desperately, doing everything in their power to avoid abandonment, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being.

Societal & Cultural Factors

Finally, we cannot fail to mention two external factors that shape our perception on a virtually daily basis: society and culture. While the modern world generally views love and romantic relationships in a positive light, it also has the tendency to romanticize them.

In general, this wouldn’t be a problem unless those concepts weren’t driven to the point of extreme. Unfortunately, this is all too common an occurrence that’s becoming more and more prevalent by the day. 

Today’s societal and cultural emphasis on love as the pinnacle of happiness can mislead some individuals into believing that their worth is intrinsically tied to their relationship status. However, the pressure to conform to these (unrealistic) norms can be the instigator of compulsive behavior, resulting in what is the cause of love addiction in its most basic form.

What Are The Risk Factors For Love Addiction?

While every person is susceptible to the prospect of facing love addiction, certain groups run a greater risk of succumbing to it. From everything mentioned above, we can easily extrapolate factors that can increase one’s vulnerability to pathological love:

• Insecure attachment styles;
• Childhood trauma;
• Low self-esteem;
• Lack of healthy coping mechanisms;
• Tendency to seek external validation;
• History of dysfunctional relationships;
• Depression, anxiety, or personality disorder;
• Substance use disorder;
• Codependency in a relationship.

It is essential to note that the development of love addiction isn’t predetermined. 

There’s a whole myriad of factors that influence how a person responds to these influences, including their own resilience, worldviews, and support systems. Therefore, even if a person exhibits one or more or all of the above traits and behaviors, they’re by no means destined to become addicted to love.

What Is The Root Of Love Addiction?

While causes of love addiction are many and their web intricately intertwined, at the very basis of this phenomenon lies a simple desire for emotional fulfillment. However, unmet emotional needs from the past or present may leave a void, and for someone who doesn’t foster a secure attachment style or healthy coping mechanisms, seemingly the only way to fill it is to seek solace in a romantic relationship. 

Turn To PIVOT And Make Facing Love Addiction Easier

At PIVOT, uncovering and addressing the root love addiction causes becomes a transformative and empowering experience. Our team of professionals offers compassionate guidance whether you choose to participate in group workshops or personalized, one-on-one sessions. Reach out to us today, reserve your place at our soothing Glass House Retreat, and begin your journey to lasting emotional wellness.

We all want to be loved, to feel valued, secure, and appreciated. We seek help, approval, and emotional response from our partners, family, and friends. We also fear losing someone’s love. Now, what if we experience these fears and needs so powerfully that they control our behavior in relationships?

Anxious attachment styles aren’t easy to recognize in adults, and by exploring the delicate nuances, we embark on a journey that delves into the intricate web of emotions, vulnerabilities, and longing for connection, typically stemming from our childhood. The bond we develop with our parents is ingrained deeply within us, setting the pattern for relationships later in life. 

What is an anxious attachment style, and what does it mean for you? Navigating the intricate dance of relationships with a deep-seated fear of abandonment and yearning for reassurance like a delicate flower seeking the warmth of sunlight is one way to put it.

What Is An Anxious Attachment?

Attachment refers to our ability to form emotional bonds with others. We start developing it as early as we’re born and continue to build it through early life and adulthood. Depending on the circumstances we grow up in, we can develop 4 different styles of attachment, including secure, avoidant, disorganized, and anxious attachment styles. The last three fall under the category of insecure styles. 

However, even if how you relate to others has a great impact on your life, if you tend to be insecure or need continual validation from your partners, it’s essential to understand that there are ways to change that. 

How Does Someone With Anxious Attachment Act?

How you feel about yourself, the way you respond to conflict, and how you behave in a relationship can all be affected by your attachment style. However, one of the hallmark signs of anxious attachment is hyperactivation or constant search for signs that your partner will leave you. This can include:

• Needing repeated reassurance.
• Observing small issues as threats to the relationship.
• Obsessively searching for signs your partner is pulling away.
• Suspecting the worst about your partner’s behaviors. For example, assuming they didn’t text you back because they stopped caring about you rather than taking other considerations into account.

Some other common signs can include:

• Ruminating on worst-case scenarios.
• Having a negative self-perception.
• Being unable to solve problems without your partner.
• Constantly worrying about the relationship.
• Experiencing a sense of urgency when it comes to spending time with your partner.
• Feeling the urge to know what your partner is feeling or thinking all the time.

While satisfying these needs and receiving reassurance can provide temporary relief, it is often not enough to make you feel secure in the long run. Moreover, you may have a hard time believing that your needs will be met at all, and this anxiety can trigger behaviors that can make you seem clingy or mistrustful. What are attachment issues that can affect your relationship? Some of the effects include:

• Less trust in your relationship
• More conflict with your partner 
• A lower satisfaction within the relationship

Outside of a relationship, you may also experience individual mental health effects such as low self-esteem and a higher risk of developing depression or some anxiety disorders. 

What Is The Root Cause Of Anxious Attachment?

From the very moment we’re born, we rely on our parents for survival and for emotional and biological needs. For example, an infant will turn to their mother when they are in distress by seeking comfort when they are afraid or crying when they’re hungry. How reliably the parent reacts to meet these needs shapes how this little human being will come to perceive themselves and others later in life. This is how we develop attachment or “working model”, which influences how we view our relationships as adults.

When parents consistently meet a baby’s emotional and physical needs and provide them with a sense of security as they begin to explore their environment, the baby is more likely to develop a secure attachment. However, what causes anxious attachment is when there’s inconsistency in meeting the child’s needs or if they’re not met at all.

Children who develop this type of attachment style may have learned they need to act out, perform perfection, or fight to keep their parents close and get their needs met. However, while these behavioral patterns might have been helpful in childhood, they become the very opposite in adulthood. Some additional factors that can lead to this type of attachment include:

• Genetic factors (having a family history of anxiety).
• Your parent’s (caregiver’s) attachment style.
• Losing a parent as a child.
• Childhood abuse (particularly from a parent).
• Lack of support from adults during childhood.
• Any life stressors that made your parent(s) less available during childhood.

It’s essential to recognize that, even though you may be experiencing challenges in relationships, it doesn’t mean you’re destined for unhappiness. There’s room for growth, understanding, and cultivating fulfilling and supportive relationships with compassionate self-awareness and effort. In fact, studies have shown that individuals with anxious attachment styles tend to show more appreciation and are often very empathetic and synchronized with their partner’s emotions.  

Moreover, your style can also change over time. You may start feeling safer in a relationship with a secure and committed partner with whom you’ve been for several years. A healthy relationship with mutual respect and clear communication can make the effects of your attachment less invasive, shifting your working model.

Overcome The Effects Of Your Anxious Attachment With PIVOT

When you’re experiencing the consequences of an insecure attachment and expressing signs of anxious attachment, PIVOT is here to provide you with professional care, support, and guidance.

Our highly committed and accomplished specialists will listen to your needs and concerns and devise a fully personalized plan to help you heal, both through effective coaching for individuals and our transformational Glass House retreats. Whether you are in a relationship or not, reach out to us today and rely on our devoted experts to help you overcome any obstacles and heal from within!