Category: Uncategorized

Love simply happens. It can catch up to us in the most precarious of situations, in the most unexpected of places, and at the most inconvenient of times. However, when it does, there are no two ways of going about it:

Love simply happens. We get caught off guard by a sudden spark promising a deep, passionate fire within. We get thrown off balance by a ripple promising a tidal wave. We get dizzy by fluttering, promising a kaleidoscope of butterflies, each more beautiful than the other. 

Love simply happens. When it does, it is enchanting, confusing, exhilarating, soothing, intriguing, and mysterious – all at the same time. Love can be many things and take many forms; what it isn’t and cannot be is cold, calculating, and misleading.

Love bombing doesn’t simply happen. Unlike genuine affection, love bomb definition is that it is well thought out and has a clear-cut purpose: to entrap a victim in a cycle of dependency that benefits none other than the love bomber themself.

Considering how disruptive and harmful the aftermath of a love bombing can be, it is essential to learn how to tell the difference between the two.

Is Love Bombing Intentional?

Love bombing meaning is that it’s an “emotional manipulation technique, aimed at asserting control over the victim.” Like every conniving tactic, this one also involves actions or behaviors that are purposeful and calculated, with an ulterior motive that serves the manipulator’s end goals.

With this in mind, we can say that love bombing typically is intentional. However, the key word here is “typically”. This implies that there is such a thing as “unintentional love bombing” – and it is more common than initially thought.

Can Someone Love Bomb You Unintentionally?

There are many situations where individuals can display behaviors or actions that resemble love bombing, only without harboring any ulterior motives or malicious intents. For instance, if we consider love bombing vs infatuation or overenthusiasm about a new relationship, the latter two can be intense, overwhelming, or discomforting.

However, don’t perceive a deliberate manipulation attempt right from the get-go. Instead, it may just be a reflection of someone’s personality and their desire to express genuine affection, with the influence of their intense emotions driving them to crank it up to 11.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that individuals with certain attachment styles can be more prone to engaging in behaviors that resemble love bombing. Typically, those with anxious or preoccupied attachment styles might resort to intense displays of affection in their pursuit of closeness, validation, and security in a relationship.

While these inadvertent behaviors may be disconcerting or overwhelming, they cannot be considered “love bombing” in a general sense, as they do not possess the underlying intention to manipulate or control the target.

What Can Be Mistaken For Love Bombing?

When we talk about love bombing vs real love, there’s often an aura of confusion surrounding the topic. The reason for this is that certain behaviors or situations can be misconstrued as manipulation tactics when they are, in fact, genuine expressions of fondness. Some common examples include:

• Genuine (over)enthusiasm: A person fostering sincere excitement about a new relationship may appear overly eager and intense.
• Generosity: Some individuals are generous by nature and enjoy giving gifts to those they like, which can be disconcerting if those gifts become too extravagant or too frequent.
• Effusive personalities: People who tend to express themselves in an unrestrained and heartfelt manner can, sometimes, overwhelm the recipient with affection.
• Early romantic gestures: These are all too common during the early stages of a relationship. However, in their eagerness to display affection, a person may take it a step too far, which can instill some concern in their partner.
• Cultural/societal differences: Different cultures and societies have distinct ways of showing sentiment. What’s considered completely normal in one, can be perceived as inappropriate in the other.
• Intense mutual attraction: Extraordinary chemistry between two people, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can lead to overly strong expressions of affection. However, if one person is not used to or is less comfortable with the level of intensity, they may interpret the actions of their partner the wrong way.

While these situations and behaviors do bear semblance with the love bomb definition, they’re mostly innocent in nature and, in most cases, easily remedied with an honest, open conversation that sets healthy boundaries within a relationship.

How To Tell The Difference Between Love Bombing And Real Affection?

Is it love bombing or genuine? Now, this is a million-dollar question. However, answering it is not that easy, as distinguishing between the two requires a fair amount of insight and a keen eye for behavioral patterns. Here are some key differences you need look out for:

• Pace of the relationship:
  • Love bombing: Intense (verbal) declarations of love, pushing for rapid commitment, and excessive openness early on in the relationship;
  • Genuine affection: A steady progression that allows both individuals to gradually and naturally build a genuine connection based on mutual understanding;
• Respect of boundaries:
  • Love bombing: Intrusive attention, clinginess, and neediness with no regard for the other person’s comfort;
  • Genuine affection: Mutual respect of comfort levels, including the pace of the relationship, displays of love, and individuality;
• Idealization:
  • Love bombing: Lack of acknowledgment or blatant disregard for other person’s flaws, challenges, and limitations (emotional, psychological, physical, or material);
  • Genuine affection: Recognition of imperfections, understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses, followed by genuine attempts to complement (and not change, remove, or perfect) partner’s flaws;
• Communication:
  • Love bombing: One-sided expression without basis in mutual understanding, typically in the form of excessive gift-giving, flattery, compliments, and grand gestures;
  • Genuine affection: Open and honest communication with the intention to understand each other’s feelings, needs, and expectations;
• Reciprocity:
  • Love bombing: Demanding the fulfillment of their needs and constantly asking for more without investing back into the relationship, shifting the balance of power toward the love bomber;
  • Genuine affection: A balanced exchange of affection where both parties contribute to the emotional dynamic of a relationship.
• Consistency:
  • Love bombing: A cycle of intense emotional highs followed by extreme lows; periods of idealization followed by devaluation or withdrawal;
  • Genuine affection: A steady expression of love and care by both sides over the course of the relationship, with only minute and mostly situational oscillations.

Do Love Bombers Actually Love You?

In general, love bombers’ intentions and goals are rarely (if ever) rooted in genuine love or affection. Once again, we must reiterate that love bombing is a manipulation tactic. As such, the motivations behind it are typically self-serving, aimed at fulfilling the manipulator’s own needs, without regard for the well-being of their victim.

Escape The Love Bomb Trap With Assistance From PIVOT

The aftermath of a love bombing can be devastating. Fortunately, it’s nothing you can’t recover from with comprehensive guidance and compassionate support. Here at PIVOT, we’re offering both and more.

Our adept team stands ready to equip you with the tools and skills necessary to regain control of your life, either through group or individual, one-on-one coaching sessions, tailored to your specific needs.

Join us at our Glass House Retreat as you embark on the journey toward rediscovering the true meaning of love and make yourself ready to build the meaningful relationships that you deserve. Reach out today!

Picture this: you meet someone and find yourself on the precipice of a nuclear romance. This new person is the epitome of charm, sending a tidal wave of affection and admiration your way, a true dream come true.

As the relationship soars, you find yourself entangled in a web of emotions so intense and intoxicating that it becomes difficult, borderline impossible, to imagine yourself living without that level of attention.

Then, the tides start turning. What you thought was a vibrant connection becomes a drowning pool, with the other person’s affection being offered by a teaspoon, whereas once it came in torrents. You find yourself being pulled into the deepest depths of emotional famine, craving attention, even if it’s only a pale reflection of what it once was. And, when it ends, you’re left wondering if true love can ever find its way through the wreckage of shattered trust.

What you experienced is the very definition of “love bombing,” a phenomenon that shines with intensity yet hides shadows of manipulation beneath its glistening surface, leaving victims questioning the authenticity of their relationships long after the storm has passed. In the aftermath of it all, many questions arise, the biggest ones being “What drives individuals to turn to this conniving tactic?” and “What consequences does it leave on the victims?”

Is Love Bombing A Trauma Response?

By revisiting the meaning of love bombing, it’s immediately apparent that it’s not a trauma response. Instead, it is a manipulative tactic, typically employed by individuals who display certain personality traits and/or behaviors, such as:

• Narcissistic tendencies: Individuals who display an exaggerated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration can use love bombing as a tool to feed their ego and control others.
• Manipulative communication: Skilled communicators often employ flattery and excessive praise to manipulate emotions and foster dependency in their listeners.
• Boundary violation: Deliberate disregard for personal boundaries, invasion of personal space, and disrespect for privacy can make targeted individuals vulnerable to the manipulator’s influence.
• Entitlement: Individuals who believe themselves inherently deserving of the attention and affection of others often employ manipulative tactics to ensure their needs are met without regard for the well-being of their partner.

However, these traits and behaviors can sometimes be linked to past traumas. Distressing experiences or events in a person’s life can lead to the formation of certain coping and defense mechanisms, for instance:

• Survival mechanisms: Resorting to manipulation to gain a sense of control, protect yourself from perceived threats, and cope with overwhelming stressors in their life or relationships can be influenced by past traumas;
• Attachment issues: Scheming tactics (i.e., love bombing, gaslighting, etc.) can be developed in response to past abandonment or neglect, typically as a way to manage fears and insecurities;
• Emotional regulation: Intense displays of (ingenuine) affection can be a way for a love bomber to regulate their own emotions or manipulate the feelings of others for their own fulfillment;
• Lack/loss of power/control: An unhealthy power dynamic in past relationships can drive a person to use manipulation to regain or enforce superiority in future ones.

With these contributors in mind, we can draw a loose parallel between love bombing and trauma responses, albeit only by transitional properties. 

Still, we must note that while these traits can add to manipulative tendencies, it doesn’t mean that a person exhibiting them is bound to form what is a love bomb relationship by default. It only means that their individual experiences may give them the capability to do so and whether they choose to utilize it is up to their self-awareness.

Why Is Love Bombing Traumatizing?

There are numerous reasons why manipulation in a relationship can be traumatizing to the victim. However, most love bombing trauma examples have some common denominators, the most notable ones being:

False Sense Of Security

Initial affection and attention lull the victim into lowering their guard, rendering them less capable of noticing and addressing manipulative behaviors. This, in turn, makes them even more vulnerable and susceptible to further manipulation.

Fosters Dependency

Love bombers often seek to create a strong emotional dependency in their targets, typically by building themselves into a primary source of their validation. As the victim becomes more reliant on the manipulator for their sense of self-worth and self-esteem, once they withdraw the attention or treat them poorly, the victim starts working even harder to regain their affection, allowing the love bomber to exploit them further.

Isolates The Target From Their Support Circle

Tying into our previous point, another thing love bombers will often do in order to keep free reign over their victims is cut them off from their friends and family, fostering feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. This further deepens the dependency and vulnerability to manipulation, as well as leaving the victim with (seemingly) nowhere or no one to fall back on.

Perpetuates The Cycle Of Abuse

Like gaslighting, love bombing is a frequently used tactic in abusive relationships. The cyclical pattern of idealization and devaluation, emotional highs and lows, and seemingly inexplicable oscillations between affection and detachment all perpetuate confusion and anxiety in the victim. This makes it difficult for them to break free from the toxic relationship or even recognize that they are in one.

What Is The Aftermath Of Love Bombing?

By definition, love bombing has a simple goal: to manipulate the person into committing to an unhealthy and often codependent relationship. Needless to say, this can have severe lasting consequences for the person on the receiving end. Some tell-tale signs of love bombing trauma include:

• Shattered trust: Discovering that the intense display of “love” was anything other than genuine can leave a person feeling betrayed, which is often emotionally devastating.
• Loss of identity: Love bombers often place their victims on a glass pedestal in a calculated attempt to make them feel idealized. However, inevitable devaluation takes the hammer to that pedestal, bringing the person atop it crumbling into a spiral of doubts about their own opinions, values, and ideologies.
• Loss of self-esteem: The same idealization-devaluation cycle can often make a person feel unworthy of love, happiness, and genuine, honest connection.
• Fear of vulnerability: After being in a love bomb relationship, victims may develop hypervigilance and distrust as defense mechanisms to protect themselves from being hurt or exploited in the future.

Finally, if we combine all of the above, we can see how a person who was subjected to a love bombing may have extreme difficulties forming healthy connections in the future. Trust issues, fear of betrayal and manipulation, and constant mistrust can cripple an individual’s ability and capacity to engage in relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Does Love Bombing Create A Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is a strong emotional connection that can form between individuals who experience intense emotional highs and lows together, often stemming from an abusive or manipulative relationship.

In this context, emotional oscillations refer to the cyclical pattern of abuse, where periods of intense affection, positivity, and kindness are followed by no less intense intervals of harm, callousness, or violence.

Love bombing can instigate an abusive cycle, as the victim becomes attached to the affection displayed during the idealization phase. However, when this is followed by devaluation, they will often seek to reestablish that positive emotional experience, which effectively contributes to the formation of a trauma bond.

Rely On PIVOT To Overcome Covert Narcissists Love Bombing Trauma

At PIVOT, we understand how love bombing can sow seeds of confusion and emotional turmoil, making it difficult for you to form a genuine connection or be reluctant even to try. We’re dedicated to helping you nip the problem in the bud and turn it all around.

We tailor our coaching sessions to your unique needs and circumstances, giving you the means of rediscovering your inherent strength and resilience and empowering you to rediscover your potential to form genuine, meaningful connections.

All our programs take place in the soothing environment of our Glass House Retreat, where you can recreate your guiding light and head down the road of healing and happiness. Get in touch with us today!

For many, nothing is more thrilling than the beginning of a new relationship and falling in love. You’re excited about getting to know your new partner, you love spending time with each other, and everything seems ideal or as close to it as possible. Then, as this initial phase subsides, the true colors of illusioned perfection start rearing their head, and you might very well find yourself in a table-turning situation. One minute, everything’s perfect; the next, you constantly feel at fault, incapable of understanding how the identical things you do can be both right and wrong. There’s a name for this – love bombing. 

During various love bombing phases, your partner will do everything to display themself as your perfect partner. Granting you absolute attention, making you feel like the only person in the world, buying luxurious gifts…Non-stop. As your defenses falter, they gradually start moving on to the next love bombing stage, sabotaging your very understanding of the affection they bestowed. Eventually, you find yourself losing your identity, isolated from the true love of family and friends.

What Are The Stages Of Love Bombing? 

In the narcissist love bombing cycle, the fairytale phase doesn’t last forever. Once they’ve got you under their spell, manipulation begins, and they start alternating between grand gestures, devaluing, discarding, and hoovering. These are the four love bombing stages you can typically distinguish in such a relationship. 

1. Love Bombing

Initially, your partner will make you feel so loved that you cannot imagine your life without them. You start feeling dependent on them and, naturally, expect this form of love to continue. 

The first phase is difficult to distinguish from the honeymoon phase most relationships go through. The main difference is that this form of behavior is mainly directed only from your partner to you in their narcissistic attempt to gain control over you. While their gestures may seem to be romantic and thoughtful, they usually go overboard. 

2. Devaluing

What comes after love bombing, once they’ve established control over you, is that your extremely generous and loving partner suddenly becomes judgemental and cold. They are love bombing and then pulling away. You may find yourself remembering the beginning of your relationship when the attention and gifts were pouring, wondering what you’ve done wrong to be deprived of it. This allows your partner to withhold and manipulate attention so they feel in control quickly. 

You may start losing the sense of who you are because they’re managing all the little and not-so-little things, which can be anything from how you present yourself to how you dress. They’ll overtly let you know how they feel about your “mistakes” and often gaslight you when you try to defend yourself. You may feel like you’re under their constant evaluation, and you don’t measure up. 

3. Discarding

Once you’ve experienced emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and excessive criticism, you’ll probably feel so devastated and wounded that you’re no longer enjoyable for them to manipulate. This can cause them to either leave without much warning or push you away and cause a breakup. 

During their absence, you’re left with confusion, feelings of guilt, and low self-esteem. You may believe that you’re the reason for the mistreatment, and it’s your fault that you no longer receive the affection and love that you experienced in the beginning. This is why it can be tough to move on and engage in new relationships.

Hoovering

After they’ve been gone for a while, they can return with even more tactics. Attention and gifts start again to lure you back into the relationship, trying to reach out for help, proving how much they’ve changed, or claiming they won’t find anyone like you. 

They also tend to cross boundaries, such as showing up where they know they can reach you to check your response and how easily they could again manipulate your emotional state. While they may seem to show genuine regret, the truth is they miss the control rather than the relationship.

How Long Does Love Bombing Stage Last? 

There’s no precise answer to how long the first stage of the cycle can last. On average, it can go anywhere between several weeks to several months. They tend to persist with it until you’re either completely seduced or you make it clear that their efforts have been in vain. While many victims perceive exaggerated declarations and gestures as red flags and get out, others tend to be more susceptible to this form of behavior, especially if they’ve been previously abused, have low self-esteem, or are particularly empathetic.

What Is The Next Stage After Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a tactic typically used by narcissists to establish control dependency. Unfortunately, once it’s over and they’ve reached their goal, they usually withhold the affection and love they used to give in excess. They’ll likely meet any hint of your desire to leave with rage or threats. They may gaslight and blame you for all their problems, suddenly destroying the illusion that you’ve found your soulmate.

This phase is typically emotionally devastating and described as invalidating, confusing, degrading, and inconsistent. This experience can seriously harm your self-esteem and sense of self and self-worth. 

Learn How To Cope With Every Love Bombing Stage With PIVOT

Whether you’re looking for a way out of this vicious cycle or you’ve experienced it before and want to regain your inner self and self-esteem, our reliable and experienced specialists are here to carefully listen to your experience and provide you with proper guidance to help you get back on track. Opt for our comprehensive attachment–oriented Glass House retreat or book your individual coaching session. We’ll devise a tailored plan and work together with you to help you reach your full potential and feel ready and safe to engage in a new, healthy relationship. 

Our certified experts take a relational and attachment-oriented approach to help you heal your emotional intelligence and reap all the benefits of it. We’ll help you learn to recognize red flags and successfully avoid becoming a victim. Contact our dedicated professionals today!

One moment, you’re showered with expensive gifts and all the attention anyone could ever ask for. Then, your partner gets upset when you socialize and spend time with others, leaving you feeling cut off from your friends and family. Why? This can and will leave you confused about what and, more importantly, why this is happening. And that’s just the beginning of most innocent love bombing signs. 

Initially, you may have felt spellbound by your partner’s grand gestures, enough to make any individual feel desired and important. Gradually, the truth behind these actions might start coming to light, getting you to realize that they’re your partner’s means to manipulate you and make you feel dependent on them. What felt like the beginning of a perfect love story can turn into a controlling, abusive, codependent, or manipulative relationship. Learning more about love bombing signs in a relationship can help protect your safety and well-being.

What Is Love Bombing And What Are Examples? 

Love bombing is a type of manipulative behavior, involving emotional and psychological abuse. It’s when your partner goes above and beyond for you in order to control the relationship. It’s typically triggered by their dependence on others, inability to trust, and their insecurities. They may also do this intentionally or unintentionally. 

Now, what does love bombing look like? While it can have different forms, it typically involves love bombing examples such as:

• Exaggerated praise and flattery.
• Showering you with lots of wanted, unwanted, or unneeded gifts.
• Over-communicating their feelings for you.
• Intense and early talks about building a future together. 

Your partner will often use enticing phrases to get a grip of you immediately. These phrases are typically over-the-top and can even cause you to feel uncomfortable. Some common expressions include:

• “You’re the perfect woman/man.”
• “You’re my soulmate.”
• “We’re soulmates.”
• “I’ve never met anyone like you.”
• “You complete me.”
• “I won’t meet anyone like you ever again.”

While these phrases can make you feel like you’re the center of the universe, they’re intended to make you believe so and distract you from your partner’s true intentions. 

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Love Bombing? 

Spotting the signs can be difficult once you’re caught in the cycle, especially since starting a new relationship is normally exciting, and we generally tend to view the new partner with rose-colored glasses. So how do you tell apart genuine love and actions of a sociopath or a narcissist?

Here are 9 signs that can signify that your partner is, in fact, a love bomber:

• Giving you excessive compliments. If they’re obviously exaggerating and constantly throwing heaps of compliments at you, it can be a red flag. They use this tactic to make your mind connect your self-worth and self-esteem with their opinion of you. 
• Spending time with you non-stop. If they want to spend unreasonable amounts of time with you, regardless of your commitments to others or your obligations, they’re probably desperately trying to move forward as fast as possible. You may find yourself ignoring work responsibilities or family or missing out on things you want to do. 
• They want to know every single thing about you. They seem fascinated by you and want to learn every detail about you. However, they often use sensitive information to weaponize and control you later in the relationship. 
• Exaggerating with expensive gifts. If they give you presents that feel over the top and let you know how much they paid for them, they’re probably trying to make you feel obligated to them.
• Introducing you to important people. They may introduce you to the people who are important to them early on to give you the sense that your relationship is quickly becoming serious. These can be their close friends, children, or family members.  
• They need continual validation. You constantly feel you need to reassure them. Compliments are not enough for them. Their constant need to validate their greatness and worth makes up for their fragile and insecure self-esteem, and they heavily rely on you for reassurance.
• Morphing into your ideal match. They can intentionally show themselves exactly who they think you want them to be by constantly agreeing. In this situation, you may notice inconsistencies in what they said at the beginning versus what they say now. 
• Saying “I love you” too soon. It usually takes some time for us to fall in love and feel comfortable to say it. While this depends on the couple, the average time for this is about three months. However, in the case of love bombing, it can be a matter of days or weeks.  
• They want to move in fast. Moving in together is a beautiful step in a relationship. However, it usually comes a bit further down the road after determining your shared values and compatibility. Their urge to do this early is a way to infiltrate your life and manipulate you.

If you believe you’re dealing with a love bomber, setting healthy and clear boundaries is crucial. Another essential step is to confide with a support system, which can be your family members, friends, support groups, or licensed professionals. 

What Does Narcissistic Love Bombing Look Like?

If your partner is trying to manipulate you with excessive attention, they may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). However, love bombing narcissist signs aren’t much different from those coming from a partner whose behavior is triggered by other motives or disorders. Typically, they’re exceedingly communicative about their feelings for you and may claim that you’re their soulmate. They may flood you with their desire to talk about your future together. Yet, this only serves to gain your full admiration and control over you.

Learn Common Love Bombing Signs And Let PIVOT Help You Manage

If you’d like to learn more about the most common red flags and what to do when you notice them, our experienced professionals can help you gain valuable insights and efficient methods you can use to safely remove yourself from a potentially emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. We’ll work closely with you through fully personalized individual coaching or a regenerative Glass House retreat, and carefully lead you every step of the way. Reach out to our specialists today and experience the benefits of professional support!

Are you dazzled by the romantic, fairytale-like gestures you lavishly receive from your new partner every day? Are you thinking you’ve finally found your perfect match and are excited about their hints about building a future together? This might just be the case, and you’re the lucky one in the fire of true affection. However, it’s also possible that you’ve found yourself in what’s called narcissistic love bombing.

Now, what is a love bomber? At first, what your partner does for you feels good, granting you all the attention and making you feel seen, admired, and respected. However, it’s possible that the motivation behind such behavior is to make you dependent on them eventually. Once they feel they’ve secured everything you are with their acts of affection and attention, their other personality traits rise to the surface. 

What Is Love Bombing?

Love bombing definition can be interpreted as emotional abuse where your partner uses impressive gestures in order to manipulate you intentionally. These can include compliments, affection, and gifts. However, these are only their means to make you dependent, allowing them to control the relationship. Once they feel they really have you under control, they become manipulative, abusive, and difficult. 

These individuals tend to experience an emotional void that they have the urge to fill with their partner’s love. However, once they feel secure in a relationship, their true intentions unravel. This can make you feel like you owe them an equal amount of loyalty and adoration in return for all that attention and gifts you’ve received. However, know that love does not require that amount of initial love rush. 

What Happens When You Are Love Bombed?

At the beginning of your new relationship, you may view your partner as charming and particularly attentive, continually praising you and telling you how much they adore you. They idealize you from the very beginning, and you may also very quickly perceive them as emotionally attached to you.

After this initial phase, after they’ve done everything to get you under their spell, they start alternating between being loving and cruel. They mainly display their kindness in public to keep others believing how great they are. However, in private, they let their true character loose and often turn psychologically abusive. Your relationship becomes a vicious circle where gifts and affection are replaced by sociopathic nastiness, followed by a desperate endeavor to reconcile.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

This behavior typically stems from dependence on others and insecurities related to trust. While love bombing in long-term relationships or any other form of relationship can be unconscious, it can also be intentional manipulation. Either way, it makes you feel guilty about questioning your partner’s actions. This manipulative tactic is often used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, where they feel entitled to praise and attention and are extremely self-important. 

However, it can also be a behavior that they learned from childhood trauma, past abusive relationships, or parents. Some common reasons include:

Family Culture Of Expressiveness And Affection

They may have grown up in a family or cultural environment that encourages expressing appreciation or fondness for each other. For some, probably, their intent isn’t harmful or severe, and they don’t realize that their heaps of attention are causing uneasiness and concern. 

Loneliness

If they thrive on staying in a romantic relationship or they’ve been alone for a more extended period of time, their intent to love you may be sincere. The intense attention can be their way of not losing you while your relationship develops. There’s typically no preconceived intent to influence or deceive you, just a strong desire for attachment. 

The Need To Keep You On Hold

In this case, your partner is probably making a calculated attempt to make you stay while they have time to decide what they really want. They seek a stable and secure relationship, yet they’re hesitant to embrace emotional vulnerability. While their attention makes you stick around, it doesn’t necessarily indicate they’re ready for consistent commitment. 

Desire To Influence Or Manipulate

This motive is the most serious one and often comes from a narcissist or sociopath. In this case, love bombing typically occurs in several phases, including idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Further, developing a romantic relationship with this type of love bomber can have you suffering immense emotional as well as financial damage. In extreme situations, it can even become life-threatening.

How Do You Know If You’re Being Love Bombed?

Recognizing narcissist love bombing can be difficult. It may cause a part of you to feel embarrassed about how intense your relationship is, causing you to downplay it to others. Unfortunately, an abusive relationship isn’t clear-cut in all situations. However, there are some red flags that can alert you that your partner is likely a manipulator. Here’s what to look for:

• They shower you with exaggerated flattery and over-the-top compliments. They know and say precisely what you need to hear. 
• They tend to ignore your schedule and time because they’re self-centered and focused on their own needs. 
• When they give you luxurious gifts, they’ll remind you about them and how much they’ve done for you, particularly when you question their actions. 
• They’ll display loads of affection on social media and in public because they want to manipulate the impression of a perfect relationship. 
• Because they need perpetual reassurance, they’ll become angry or even threaten you if you don’t reply to a text. 
• You start feeling uneasy in their presence and fear being berated and punished by them. 
• They tend to confuse you. Because of their insecurity, they’ll blame you, making any problems look like your fault.
• They gradually gain more control over you through gaslighting, making you second-guess your reality and yourself. 
• They detach you from friends and family, so you only rely on them. 
• Because of the emotional abuse, you may experience anxiety or depression.

If you realize you’re involved with a dishonest person who’s abusing you to fulfill their own needs, distancing yourself and seeking support outside the relationship is the safest way out. Rely on your family, friends, or a specialist for an objective perspective, and remember there’s no need to take the blame for what happened. 

Let PIVOT Help You Deal With Narcissistic Love Bombing 

Whether you’re wondering, “Am I love bombing?” or you’ve just got out of an abusive relationship, PIVOT is here to help you restore your emotional well-being. Our certified experts are here to skillfully and gently guide you on your way. Whether through our meticulous coaching for individuals or our empowering Glass House retreats, We’ll help you regain your strength and value so you can thrive again and feel confident in your future relationships. Get in touch with us today and enjoy the perks of our reliable service!

One of the most beautiful, most commendable traits we humans, as a species, possess is our innate desire to assist and support others. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a colleague, an astounding number of us will find it within our hearts to extend a helping hand to a fellow human being in need.

The amazing thing is that, whether we’re helping emotionally, practically, or physically – it doesn’t matter. If we’re doing it from the bottom of our hearts, genuinely investing ourselves into bettering someone else – the mere gesture is enough to make all the difference in the world.

However, despite all the potential this ability of ours possesses, sometimes it gets misfocused, turning from empowering to enabling. When that happens, instead of it being a catalyst for improvement, it becomes an anchor dragging everyone involved to the depths of stagnation, stunted growth, and self-destruction.

For this reason, it’s imperative to understand the fine line that separates these three, seemingly same concepts: empowering, helping, and enabling.

What Is Empowerment?

In recent years, empowerment has gained considerable popularity and traction, both as a term and “philosophy”. However, its definition remains vague, due to the fact that every person interprets it differently, typically based on individual viewpoints and experiences.

The idea of empowerment, on the other hand, encompasses everything that gives the individual tools, knowledge, confidence, affirmation, or a number of other “resources” that they need to become masters of their own lives, in virtually every conceivable way.

As such, we can safely deduce that empowerment goes beyond merely offering or receiving assistance. Rather, it’s the means of fostering self-reliance, self-respect, independence, individuality, and personal growth.

What Is The Difference Between Empowerment And Enabling?

At the first glance, enable vs. empower may not seem like a contest yet, rather, as a mirror match. This is understandable if we consider two facts:

• Both stem from the same intentions;
• Both involve providing assistance to others.

However, there are some critical and not-so-subtle differences between the two.

Enable vs. Empower: A Side-By-Side Comparison

The distinction between enabling and empowering becomes evident only when we reflect on the outcome of each respective approach:

Independence vs. Dependence

• Empowerment fosters independence and self-reliance. It means giving an individual the tools (e.g. skills, knowledge) they need to stand on their own two feet.
• Enabling often leads to dependence, where a person learns to rely on external support, rather than developing their life-handling capabilities.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Goals

• Empowerment is long-term-focused, as it equips individuals with the skills and mindset necessary for ongoing, sustained success;
• Enabling addresses immediate, short-term needs, without considering or even blatantly ignoring the bigger picture.

Accountability vs. Unaccountability

• Empowerment teaches responsibility by encouraging individuals to own up to their actions and decisions, driving them to grow by learning from past experiences, good or bad;
• Enabling shields individuals from the consequences of their own actions. However, in doing so, it also “protects” them from facing challenges and difficulties that amount to valuable life lessons essential for personal growth.

Autonomy vs. “Malleability”

• Empowerment respects a person’s autonomy, choices, and boundaries, even if they don’t align with the helper’s opinions;
• Enabling often involves imposing the helper’s will on the recipient, further deepening the (co)dependent patterns.

What Is The Difference Between Being Supportive And Enabling?

Same as empowering and enabling, helping and enabling are not synonymous with each other. Much like empowerment, being supportive entails giving someone the means of making their situation better.

This can involve standing by them in their time of need, providing compassionate and mindful assistance, encouraging them to face challenges, and cheering them on as they push through difficulties.

As such, supporting someone means inspiring and motivating them to make a positive change in their lives on their own, thereby augmenting their innate potential for personal growth and development.

Enabling, on the other hand, is the exact polar opposite. As mentioned, enablers tend to shield a person from consequences, challenges, and difficulties that they need to overcome, even though said individuals possess the capacity to do so on their own.

Although well-intentioned, this approach can effectively take away the recipient’s agency, rendering them passive, unaware, or indifferent to the possibility of taking transformative action, inadvertently hindering their personal growth.

What Can You Say To Empower Someone?

Learning how to support without enabling is one of, if not the most powerful tool in your empowerment arsenal. Even so, the question remains: What to say to empower someone, without jeopardizing their agency or potential?

Well, therein lies the beauty of empowerment: sometimes, you don’t have to say a word! Sometimes, all it takes is to actively listen to what the other person has to say, doing your best to understand their needs, aspirations, and concerns without judgment.

Of course, you’ll inevitably come across situations where verbal responses will be requested or required. However, since every person is different and empowerment is subjective, there is no way (or point) in trying to find a “universal empowerment formula”.

What you can do is coin your responses and approach based on everything you’d learned up until now. To empower and not enable, you need to try to:

• Provide relevant information and/or resources that will help the person make informed decisions;
• Prompt self-reflection by asking meaningful, open-ended questions that will encourage the person to explore their feelings, thoughts, and attitudes;
• Offer words of encouragement and affirmation in order to boost their confidence and help them recognize their own strengths and capabilities;
• Respect their autonomy, choices, and opinions, even if they drastically differ from your own;
• Encourage them to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions, and to learn from resulting experiences;

Finally, be there for them to provide emotional support and guidance, but avoid trying to control their decisions or impose your opinions. Instead, offer unbiased assistance in analyzing past experiences and situations, allowing them to derive their own conclusions.

By following these guidelines, you’ll actively challenge a person to become a better version of themselves, effectively catalyzing a change for the better. And the best thing about it is that you’ll grow as an individual, too, along the way.

Reach Out To PIVOT And Learn How To Support Without Enabling

Looking for an effective way to break free from the cycle of enabling and finally stop feeling stuck and overwhelmed by negative patterns in your relationships? Look no further, for PIVOT is here to help you discover the might of empowerment and guide you on your journey to personal development.

In the tranquil environment of our Glass House Retreat, you’ll embark on a profound exploration of self-awareness and self-validation that will give you a new perspective on life, empowering you to create harmonious relationships that you’ve dreamed of.Our passionate team of experienced personal coaches stands ready to help you uncover your true potential and give you the tools to empower yourself and your loved ones. Reach out to us today and become the true force of positivity!

Taking on different roles is an integral part of human nature. We do it in every aspect of our lives, whether it be professional or personal. Relationships are no exception to this “rule” either, as individuals forming a deeper connection will naturally put on different faces, typically based on their strengths and mental capabilities.

Some of us are Adventurers, bringing spontaneity, excitement, and a healthy dose of chaos to our relationships. Others may be Planners, taking charge of organizing and structuring various activities and responsibilities.

Some are Problem Solvers, prioritizing staying down-to-earth, finding constructive and mutually beneficial solutions to everyday problems. Nurturers, on the other hand, will excel in taking care of both parties’ emotional well-being by creating a soothing and loving atmosphere.

Regardless of the role(s) we take, the part we play serves the ultimate purpose of bringing balance to the force of our connection, both by compensating for our partners’ shortcomings and promoting their strengths.

However, what happens when the balance is broken and the scales tip heavily to the side? When one person keeps allowing their counterpart to take no responsibility for their actions, thereby perpetuating detrimental and, even, destructive behaviors?

This is the very definition of enabling – a harmful and toxic dynamic that stifles personal growth, fosters dependency, and hinders virtually any possibility of progress, both for the individuals involved and the relationship as a whole. Fortunately, this vicious cycle can be broken and, today, we’ll explore just what it takes to do so.

What Is The Psychology Behind Enabling?

Understanding the nature and nuances of an enabler personality is a crucial step to learning how to stop enabling. Doing so requires us to go back to basics in order to grasp the psychological foundation of this behavior.

By definition, enabling stems from a combination of empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to help someone we care about. Now, these are by no means negative traits. In fact, they are desirable and necessary for every relationship to thrive.

The problem, however, arises when said traits are brought to the one-sided extreme, which typically happens when they become fuelled by the following underlying factors:

• Fear of rejection or abandonment;
• Low self-esteem;
• Conflict-avoidant patterns;
• Sense of self-worth dependent on external validation;
• Guilt or anxiety (typically related to taking care of one’s own needs);
• Exaggerated caregiving/people-pleasing mindset.

Connecting The Dots

Taking the aforementioned factors into account, we can draw a clear parallel between enabling and another harmful relationship dynamic: codependency. These two behavior patterns are intricately linked and often go hand-in-hand, due to both of them revolving around an excessive reliance on another person’s needs and well-being to the detriment of one’s own. 

Aside from the enmeshment, both dynamics are also characterized by a tendency to:

• Avoid conflict at any and all costs;
• Shield the other person from consequences;
• Justify, minimize, or outright deny the existence of issues.

However, what this does is perpetuate destructive patterns of behavior, thereby preventing both parties from experiencing personal growth and self-sufficiency, even to the point of complete stagnation and, in most extreme cases, regression in the field of personal development.

As such, “reprogramming” enabling personality traits in order to break this vicious cycle often requires addressing codependent traits simultaneously. Doing so typically requires a lot of effort and introspection, yet it is far from impossible.

What Is The Cycle Of Enabling?

We mentioned the “cycle of enabling” several times already. Now that we understand the root and causes behind the issue, we can explain what it actually refers to:

• The Cycle of Enabling is a repetitive pattern of behavior in which an individual (enabler) consistently shields or rescues another person (enabled) from the consequences of their own destructive actions, perpetuating unhealthy dependency within a relationship.

The Cycle of Enabling: Stages

The Cycle typically consists of several key stages:

1. Denial: The first stage is characterized by the enabler downplaying or ignoring the existence of the problem. This can mean rationalizing or making excuses for the actions of their counterpart to avoid acknowledging the problem.
2. Minimization: The enabler downplays the consequences of the loved one’s actions. They might genuinely believe that the situation is not as bad as it appears or that it will improve on its own.
3. Rationalization: At this point, enablers may begin to justify the behavior of their partner. However, in doing so, they’re also effectively convincing themselves that they are helping, that their support is essential, or that they are the only ones who understand what’s happening in their partner’s world.
4. Rescuing: As the situation deteriorates, the enabler usually performs a desperate attempt to solve the problem and/or shield their loved one from the consequences of their own actions, which typically leads to deepening the (co)dependency.
5. Repetition: The cycle starts anew.

We can conclude that each cycle has a tendency to become more severe than the previous one. Due to the fact that the situation already escalated in one of the previous phases (typically Stage 4), the enabler may become more deeply entrenched in their role with each passing iteration.

How Do You Break The Cycle Of Enabling?

With the knowledge of how The Cycle works, as well as a deeper understanding of the factors that influence the formation of the enabler personality, we can extrapolate the ways to stop enabling in relationships:

• Recognize your role as an enabler: Reflecting on your own fears, insecurities, and motivations will help you understand why you enable. This may seem like a small step, but it is a giant leap toward change.
• Set boundaries: Determine your limits and what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Clearly communicate these expectations to your partner and, most importantly, stand firm in upholding them, even if you encounter resistance.
• Encourage accountability: Instead of making excuses, justifying the behavior, or swooping in to rescue your loved one, encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.
• Enforce accountability: Let the person you’re enabling face the consequences. Difficult as this may be to do, it can just be the wake-up call and a catalyst for a change.
• Seek professional help: If your situation is particularly complex or volatile, it is best to seek professional help. Coaching, therapy, and counseling can help you break the cycle of enabling and lead your partner down the road of changing their destructive habits.

Understand How To Stop Being An Enabler With PIVOT’s Help

You don’t have to remain trapped in the cycle of enabling, desperately seeking a way out. The solution is readily available and all you have to do to seize it is reach out to PIVOT.

We specialize in coaching individuals, couples, and groups to stop enabling behaviors, rediscover the power of healthy relationships, and foster more meaningful connections. Our experienced team of compassionate professionals will walk with you every step of the way, providing the guidance and support necessary for you to heal.

All workshops and sessions take place in the tranquil setting of our Glass House Retreat, where you can find solace and strength while undertaking a journey of self-discovery and growth away from the distractions of everyday life.

Don’t let an enabler personality dictate your life any longer. Join us today and rediscover the joy of healthy, nurturing, and fulfilling relationships that you know you deserve!