What Role Do Childhood Experiences Have in Adulthood?

When experiencing challenges in a relationship, have you ever thought: I need to leave because I feel overwhelmed? Or perhaps: I’ll do anything to know what is going on? Or maybe: I feel stuck in this relationship and don’t know if I should stay?  

These thoughts are not uncommon. 

In fact, these thoughts identify how you relate or attach to others and are an indication of your attachment styles.

If you have been struggling to maintain stable relationships in your life, perhaps intensive love avoidance coaching would help you understand your core wounds and make lasting changes in your emotional life. Until then, keep reading to find out more about attachment. 

What Is Attachment?

What Is Attachment?

Attachment is the process of one person connecting in relationship to another. In other words, attachment describes how we bond with others. 

Our sense of attachment begins with the relationship between ourselves and our primary caregivers (parents, guardians). This first relationship dictates how we bond with others in the future.

If you attach securely with your parents in your first five years of your life, then you will develop a strong foundation for positive attachment with others.

If not, then you may have a deep childhood attachment wound that impacts your current relationships.

Here’s the thing, just because you didn’t have a solid foundation in your first five years, it doesn’t mean that you can’t develop healthy adult relationships now.

The good news is that no matter what childhood experiences you’ve had, you can still create healthy relationships.

But first, it helps to recognise what attachment style you most commonly use.

What Are The Different Types Of Attachment Styles?

There are four common attachment styles, but you may not necessarily use the one style all the time. We have simplified the names of the common attachment styles to reflect the energy you bring to the relationship.  The way you engage in a relationship often depends on the other person or the situation.  

For example, you may engage differently with your boss than you would your best friend, or your spouse.

Let’s look at each of these four styles and how they show up in relationships.

Avoidant Attachment

People who experience avoidant attachment tend to live in their thoughts because they want to avoid conflict. They tend to use secretive behavior, struggle with being vulnerable, and avoid connection whenever possible.

These people don’t like to feel. They don’t believe it’s safe for them to feel because their parents didn’t allow them to feel uncomfortable feelings as a child. 

Most avoidants grew up feeling controlled. Their parents are the overprotective, “helicopter parents” – controlling their every move and not allowing them to feel bad feelings.

When these children grow up, they’re not able to engage in uncomfortable situations in their relationships – they want to avoid them.

The core wound for people in this situation is not being seen for who you are.

Anxious Attachment

Most people who attach in an anxious way often grew up experiencing neglect or abandonment. They grow up craving connection in a relationship.

Typically, anxious people feel first and then act. They don’t think about what they’re doing. 

A person who attaches anxiously may engage in high-risk behavior when they feel uncomfortable in a relationship or when they feel the threat of neglect or abandonment.

They tend to argue their point to keep the relationship intact, even when it doesn’t make sense.

An example of anxious attachment is investigating, controlling or manipulating the situation to find out what’s going on. This may include investigating on social media, doing drive-bys to make sure their partner’s home or checking their spouse’s cell phone while they’re in the shower. 

The core wound for people in this situation is feeling neglected or abandoned.

Ambivalent Attachment

Most people who attach in an ambivalent way are confused or challenged in the relationship and worry about making the wrong decision. They end up feeling stuck in close relationships.

If you attach ambivalently you find making decisions difficult, or they take a long time.

Ambivalent attachment is common. It’s a combination of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

An ambivalent person may plan to leave or take a break in a relationship for a long time but will wait and wait. They tend to be in a cycle of feeling intense emotions and then over-analyze them – without being able to make a decision.

Ambivalent attachment is created when a child is brought up in two different environments, which may be confusing for a child. 

This could be as a result of divorce, or if the parenting styles are very different between both parents. For example, one parent may be codependent and the other may be an addict.

The core wound for people in this situation is feeling misunderstood and not enough.

Secure Attachment

People who can attach securely have relational alignment. This means they can think, feel and act congruently and in a healthy manner.

Secure people can experience conflict, express their feelings and respond in a healthy way. They can process how they’re thinking, know and express what they’re feeling and take the appropriate action.

For them, the need to defend (anxious attachment), run away (avoidant attachment) or question everything (ambivalent attachment) is not the driving force of their relationship.

The good news, regardless of your childhood pain or trauma, you can learn to attach securely.

How To Create A Healthy Relationship

The purpose of understanding these styles is not to label yourself or others. It is to acknowledge the way you approach a relationship so you can move to create healthy connections.

It is interesting to note that these attachment styles play out in everyday life. it can be observed in many areas of your life, especially in your work life and in your relationships with your family or friends.

When you know which wound is being triggered and why, then use that awareness to start changing how you respond.

How Do You Overcome Insecure Attachment?

By understanding why you’re triggered and why you respond with an attachment style, then you can begin to create healthy relationships.

This was the case with a woman I worked with. She had adopted a rigid food plan. She weighed all her food and stuck to her plan. This made it difficult for her to go to dinner with friends. She ended up avoiding many social functions.

Over time, she had no energy left to put towards relationships, other than her relationships with food. And because she wanted to avoid what others might say about her food plan, she kept others out of her life.

Unfortunately, she was like this for 12 years before I worked with her. Her social life was compromised. She wasn’t making or maintaining new friendships. She wasn’t able to be in a close relationship. She was isolated.

When I worked with her, she finally realized she had been controlling food to feel that she had control in her life.

We discovered that during her childhood she felt she had little control over anything. By understanding why she was triggered and why she responded with avoidance, she was able to have a new relationship with food as an adult. 

This allowed her to heal her hurt and begin to enjoy other relationships.

I call this relational freedom… when you experience life and relationships from a healthy alignment and can manage and tolerate uncomfortable emotions while maintaining self-care.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t get hurt or never feel intense emotions again.

Relational freedom comes from secure relational alignment. It means that if you can think, feel and do in a healthy and congruent way, then you can attach to others in a healthy way. 

Find relational freedom with #1 love avoidance intensive coaching

What Are The Different Types Of Attachment Styles?

The good news is that no matter what childhood experiences you’ve had, you can still create healthy relationships. If you want help to move away from old patterns and create relational alignment and freedom, then contact PIVOT. 

In addition to our intensive relationship problems coaching for individuals and effective couples coaching retreats, we also offer insightful remote coaching with PIVOT Advocates. Reach out to us today! 

Why You May Be Struggling To Have Healthy Relationships And What You Can Change

Do you struggle to find and maintain healthy relationships? Do the same issues come up in different relationships, again and again? Do you find yourself attracted to the “wrong” type of person?

The good news is there is a reason for it. Whether you’re able to create a healthy relationship or not relates to how positively you bond or attach to others. This is known as attachment. 

In this article, you can discover enlightening information from a seasoned relationship coach about how childhood attachment shapes our relationships. Read on. 

How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationships

The first attachment we experienced was with the relationship between ourselves and our primary caregivers (parents, guardians). This first relationship dictates how we bond with others.

If you attach securely in your first five years of life, then you will develop a strong foundation for positive attachment with others. If not, then you may have a childhood attachment wound that impacts your current relationships.

And if you do have attachment wounds or specific survival patterns that get triggered, then you’re going to struggle to form healthy attachments until you understand where the behavior comes from.

Although, becoming more aware does not lead to perfection. It will allow you to be aware of unwanted behaviors and help you to stop these patterns more regularly.

Understand Your Story Through The Lens Of Attachment

How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationships

Just because you didn’t have a positive foundation in your first five years, it doesn’t mean you can’t develop healthy attachment now.

The first step is to understand your story through the lens of attachment.

For example, if a child grows up watching their parents go through a painful divorce, their experience influences their view of attachment. 

That child then typically must learn two ways of being relational in two different homes, which is a struggle. This generally leads to the child becoming ambivalent in their own relationships in the future.

On the other hand, a child who grew up feeling controlled by their parents, most likely won’t trust intimacy because they won’t feel like they can breathe. 

They will want to avoid intimacy and uncomfortable situations in their relationships because they feel that connecting to others means losing their voice and not being seen for who they are.

The Effects Of Poor Attachment In Later Life

For many individuals who grew up in a controlling environment, they may process their feelings by turning to addiction… food, sex, work, or exercise. Something that they can control and use to avoid intimacy.

And finally, if a child grew up experiencing neglect or abandonment, then they may attach anxiously, as they crave connection. They may also engage in high-risk behavior when they feel uncomfortable in a relationship or when they feel the threat of neglect or abandonment.

Regardless of your childhood pain or trauma, you can learn to have healthy attachments and healthy relationships.

What Is A Secure Attachment?

People who have healthy attachments can think, feel, and do congruently and in a healthy manner. This means they can experience conflict, express their feelings, and respond in a healthy way.

People who have a healthy attachment don’t feel the need to defend, run away, or question everything in their relationship. Instead, they feel secure.

How To Develop A Healthy Attachment Style

When you can correlate your relationship issues with your survival patterns or attachment styles, then you can take the first step to make a change for the better.

When you know which wound is being triggered and why then you can use that awareness to change how you respond.

For example, I now know that when I feel like I’m losing someone, I start to feel scared and anxious. In the past, I dealt with this by avoiding my feelings. I would quickly find a new relationship; go shopping or go out drinking.

However, by reacting in this way, I only numbed my painful feelings. It didn’t help me process or deal with the issue in my relationship.

The break-through for me came when I recognized why I did these behaviors and saw that these actions weren’t helping me.

Steps To Building Healthy Attachments

The steps I follow when my wound is triggered has helped me have healthy attachments. These three steps are:

  1. Self-care:

    When your wound gets activated it’s critical to know how to take care of yourself at that moment;

  2. Social awareness:

    You need to understand who you are surrounded by and how to protect and care for others;

  3. Self-efficacy:

    You then need to decide what you are going to do and take action.

By taking these three steps, you will be able to feel, manage, and tolerate your feelings. 

The result? You will experience relational freedom. This means you’ll know what’s happening in the moment, instead of being held hostage by your past wounds. You’ll be aware of your feelings; know why you feel that way and be able to change your behavior.

Reach Out To A Relationship Coach Online & Overcome Childhood Wounds 

What Is A Secure Attachment?

Relational freedom means that if you can think, feel and do in a healthy and congruent way – then you can attach to others in a healthy way. The good news is that no matter what childhood experiences you’ve had, you can create healthy relationships.

If you want help to heal from unsupportive attachments and create relational alignment and freedom, PIVOT is here for you. Our carefully designed online individual coaching and comprehensive relationship workshops and retreats can help you escape emotional numbness and center yourself. Reach out to us today! 

The Reason You Seek Relationships with the Same Type of People… Again, and Again

Finding and maintaining relationships can be challenging. But what happens when the relationship you’re in begins to look like the previous one?

Have you ever reflected on why you are attracted to the same type of person, over and over again?

Studies show that we are attracted to what is familiar as a result of our adopted childhood love styles. This means we are attracted to familiar people even if we know they may be bad for us. This is known as the familiarity principle. 

If you are struggling to maintain healthy intimate relationships or need help getting out of an addictive relationship, reaching out to a professional relationship coach online may give you the relief you seek. 

Read on to find out why you may tend to seek similar relationships in your life. 

What Is The Familiarity Principle?

How Does Your Family Shape Your Personality?

We all gravitate to what’s familiar to us. That often means we are drawn to people who inadvertently cause us to feel pain repeatedly.

For example, children who were abused growing up may be drawn to abusive relationships. Why? Because they are familiar with abuse. 

This is the familiarity principle. Simply stated, we are unconsciously drawn towards what is most familiar.

How Does Your Family Shape Your Personality?

Good or bad, the environment we grew up in is the only one we’ve ever known.  That is why it’s difficult for people to leave painful relationships.

Even when their behavior is hurtful, you may find comfort in the familiarity of that behavior. Worse still, it’s hard to leave that relationship because you are bound to the past.

In my case, I was drawn to save others but not myself. This started because my dad drowned when I was an infant, and mom became an alcoholic. I failed to save her, and she died. 

So, I became codependent with my friends and family.  I started saving everyone else because it felt good. I had a purpose. But this was often at my own expense. I didn’t realize what I was doing until someone helped me see that I was codependent in my relationships.

How The Familiarity Principle Can Affect You

While you may want a do-over in life, it can often have a negative effect, unless the corrective experience is supported and healthy. Unfortunately, if you don’t choose to do better with intentionality, then you’ll end up doing something that will hurt you.

Imagine you want to get into a relationship with a person that you like. But they are clearly unavailable. However, instead of not pursuing the relationship, you’re drawn to them even more because there is something about them being unavailable that feels familiar to you.

What’s more, it’s this feeling of familiarity that makes you pursue them even harder.

However, consider this. If a repeated action prompted by old familiar feelings hasn’t worked previously, why would it work now? The truth is it won’t.

The Dangers Of The Familiarity Principle

Any action that hasn’t served you in the past may only work as temporary pain relief. And this can lead to unwanted consequences. Such as:

  • Lashing out at a loved one
  • Hiding your feelings from a partner
  • Binge eating for three days straight
  • Getting drunk again
  • Running to the next fling

If you find yourself repeatedly returning to actions that haven’t served you in the past, then I encourage you to do something different. Sit with your feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they are. And take a moment to recognize why the feeling is there.

Most importantly, focus on why this situation is different from the situation in the past that gave you the original wound. 

How To Break Free From The Power Of Familiarity

The first step is to be aware of the patterns in your relationships. Identify the type of person you are attracted to. 

For example, have your past partners been controlling? Have they always told you what to do, when, where, and how? Now think back to your childhood. Was someone you grew up with controlling as well? Once you become aware, then you can break out of the old pattern.

The next step is to own your feelings. Even if they are uncomfortable, sit with your feelings. Don’t hide from them or avoid them. Acknowledge how you feel. This will help you manage and tolerate uncomfortable feelings and start to heal past wounds.

The final step is to process the pain and live in relational freedom. This is where you can heal yourself without hurting people around you. 

How Do You Deal With Painful Relationships?  

Today, when a relationship or friendship ends, I sit with my feelings. And I know that whatever is happening is not because my dad drowned, or my mom died. I know the person is leaving because they want to, need to, or because they have their own wounds to heal.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t sometimes hurt like hell. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel intense, uncontrollable feelings again. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to repair the relationship if it is worth saving.

The good news is the choice is yours. Either you can:

  1. Feed the negative feelings and experience an old pattern of actions that don’t work, or:

  2. Experience the feeling, understand it, then choose an action that isn’t hurtful to you or others. 

If you choose the second option, then you can start to heal and experience relational freedom. This will help you have healthy relationships with yourself and others because you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. 

Find Freedom With The Help Of A Remote Relationship Coach

How The Familiarity Principle Can Affect You

Moving away from familiar patterns and healing wounds is a lengthy and often challenging process. That’s why we recommend that you seek support from professionals. At PIVOT, we offer expertise-based online relationship coaching for individuals and couples, as well as transformative relationship building-skills workshops and retreats

If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome feeling emotional numbness, then contact PIVOT today and find balance in your emotional life. 

Am I Too Needy? How To Gain Independence In A Relationship

Being infatuated with your partner at the start of a relationship is perfectly natural. What’s more, you may still be equally crazy about your partner years after you first started dating. And that’s great, too. However, being too dependent on your partner for your own happiness and clinging to them every hour of every day may indicate that your relationship may not be as healthy as you would like it to be.

If you need help changing your ways and working things through with your partner, consider attending a couple workshop for deepening your relationship. Professional insights may help you gain a better understanding of your attachment styles and allow you to overcome your emotional neediness. 

If you suspect that you may be too needy with your partner, you should first understand why that may be. Read on. 

How Do You Know If You’re Being Too Needy?

How Do You Know If You're Being Too Needy?

Unfortunately, not all people were raised in a warm and loving environment which encouraged forming secure attachments. We all need emotional support, especially when times get tough, but individuals who have an anxious attachment style may struggle more than others in this regard and are often seen as overly needy. If you suspect that you may be too emotionally dependent on your partner, look out for the following signs:  

  • You ignore your own needs and focus on making your partner happy as a way of filling the emotional gap inside you. 
  • You fear that your partner may not love you as much as you love them and constantly seek reassurance
  • You need your partner to make you feel safe, secure and appreciated. When you’re alone, you feel worthless. 
  • You are overly sensitive to criticism and have low self-esteem. 
  • You are extremely jealous and afraid of losing your partner to someone else.  
  • You stalk your partner on social media looking for indications of infidelity. 
  • You fear that your relationship will fall apart at any moment. 

These behaviors can make your partner feel smothered and emotionally exhausted. While you may not be able to easily control your needy impulses, understanding why you are the way you are may help you keep things in check. 

What Makes A Person Emotionally Needy?

Children need emotional support and love to grow into healthy and happy individuals. If your parent or caregiver was inconsistent with nurturing and affection while you were a child, you may have developed a tendency to seek the support you haven’t received back then in your relationships. A lack of emotional support in childhood may lead to fear, anxiety, and neediness later in life. 

Extreme stress, health concerns, and other unfortunate circumstances may also increase your neediness toward your partner. If that’s the case, you should practice patience with your partner and consider seeking help from a professional relationship coach. 

What Does It Mean To Be Independent In A Relationship?

Having a loving and supportive partner is a wonderful thing. If you are in a happy relationship, it’s only natural that you would want to spend each moment with your partner, being both physically and emotionally intimate. However, your partner should not be your sole source of happiness, love, and entertainment. After all, you are your own person, and your partner is an independent individual as well. 

Having your own interests and hobbies apart from your partner doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them. The same goes for your partner. No matter how much they love you, they may still want to spend time with their friends or family, work on their own goals, or simply have some time to themselves. That doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate and love you. 

How Do You Become Independent In A Relationship?

If you feel like you are overly dependent on your partner and are willing to work gaining independence, know that change is possible. The following tips may help you on your path: 

  1. Learn to recognize and accept your feelings.

    If you feel a certain way, you shouldn’t try and ignore or suppress your emotions. Instead, take time to understand yourself and write down your feelings to see if that helps.

  2. Have your own hobbies and interests.

    Find an activity that interests you and gives you an opportunity to spend time away from your partner, whether it’s going to the gym, taking up a drawing class, or starting your own business.

  3. Work on loving yourself.

    We can’t stress this enough. You first need to learn how to love and appreciate yourself for who you are before you can love someone else. You are worthy, lovable, and interesting – make sure you understand that.

  4. Spend time with other people.

    Instead of being with your partner all the time, reach out to your friends, and work on deepening your relationship with them. Have new experiences, meet new people, and have fun. Your partner won’t mind if they truly care about you. 

  5. Focus on tending to your own needs.

    Emotionally needy people often go out of their way to fulfill their partner’s needs while completely ignoring their own. If that sounds like you, make sure to recognize and work on your own wishes and desires. 

  6. Find support outside of your relationship.

    Whether it’s a friend, family member, or a professional coach, sharing your feelings and thoughts with another person apart from your partner can be of immense benefit to gaining independence and finding happiness.

Where Can I Find Intensive Codependency Workshops Near Me? 

What Makes A Person Emotionally Needy?

Building strong and healthy relationships is necessary for good mental health and overall wellbeing. Whether you feel like you are pushing the people in your life away or need help starting a new relationship online, seeking help from a professional relationship coach can be highly beneficial. 

PIVOT is your trusted partner whenever you need advice and guidance in your emotional life. Our individual coaching can help you find happiness, while our intensive workshops may be the key to overcoming codependency in your relationship. No matter what your relationship struggles may be, we are here to help. Give us a call! 

Insightful Tips On Getting Over A Broken Relationship

Even if you deeply care about your partner and work hard to make things work, there’s no guarantee that your relationship will last forever. Learning to accept that it’s entirely normal to grow apart from your partner, especially if you have to maintain a long-distance relationship, can be extremely difficult. 

Still, sometimes it’s better to let things go than to go on pretending that everything is fine when it’s clearly not. In fact, staying in a broken relationship for far too long can cause emotional harm to both you and your partner. If you have attended a relationship building skills workshop but can’t seem to work things out, it may be time to consider parting ways, no matter how hard it may seem to be. 

How Do You Know When A Relationship Is Over?

It’s rarely easy to tell if a relationship is coming to a close. However, there are several telltale signs that indicate that something is not right in the relationship, and they may be right in front of you. 

Signs That A Relationship Is Over

How Do I Accept A Broken Relationship?

While no two relationships are the same, many failing relationships share the following symptoms: 

  • Your communication has taken a turn for the worse. Healthy communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship. If you and your partner no longer talk about the things that matter to you and don’t even argue anymore, the interest may have worn off. 
  • Your sex life is no longer as exciting. While it is normal for physical intimacy to wane a little bit after the initial excitement at the start of your relationship, a significant decline in physical intimacy may indicate that your relationship is drawing to a close. 
  • You feel bored with your relationship. Boredom is one of the most common reasons for breakups. If you feel bored in your relationship, and even outside of it, you may no longer be in the right place with your partner. 
  • One or both of you have become emotionally intimate with someone else.  Having close friends is one thing, but becoming increasingly emotionally intimate with a colleague or friend and spending more time with them than with your partner is a completely different story. 
  • You don’t plan for the future. A lasting relationship includes future planning and a willingness to commit long-term. If you or your partner avoid talking about the future entirely, it may be time to say goodbye. 
  • You avoid spending time with each other. When two people care about each other, they want to spend as much time together as possible. Your relationship may be in trouble if you keep avoiding quality time together. 

How Do I Accept A Broken Relationship?

We understand how difficult it can be to acknowledge these warning signs. However, if you keep sweeping the issues under the rug, it’s highly unlikely that your relationship will improve. Accepting the fact that your relationship is broken, saying goodbye, and starting the healing process may be the best solution to your problems. If you can’t leave – doing work with a relationship coach on your attachment challenges would be suggested.

Don’t Ignore The Pain 

Breaking up with a long-term partner is rarely as simple as saying goodbye and moving on immediately. Essentially, you are leaving an important part of your life behind which is bound to make you feel sad, hurt, and lost. Don’t ignore these feelings, but embrace them and let yourself experience the full range of emotions. 

Take Time To Heal

Don’t expect to move on with your life overnight if you’ve parted ways with your long-term partner. Similarly, you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you can’t get over them even after some time has passed. Healing takes time, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel for however long it takes. 

Look Forward To New Beginnings

While a breakup may put an end to one aspect of your life, it may open doors to new experiences and beginnings. Let new people into your life when you’re ready and embrace the changes as they come, without pressure or hurry.

How Do You Get Over Someone You Love Deeply?

Although your relationship may be over, it is perfectly normal to still care deeply about your ex-partner. If you can’t seem to let go of your past relationship and move on, try the following tips: 

  • Don’t rush yourself: there’s no time limit to getting over someone who used to be a major part of your life. Try not to pressure yourself to move on with your life after your breakup, and enter a new relationship only if you feel like you are truly ready. 
  • Let the emotions run their course: there’s no point in escaping the deep sadness that typically comes with breakups. Instead, allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need to. The feelings will go away eventually and you will feel happiness again. 
  • Write down your feelings: journaling is a great way to keep track of your thoughts and emotions and analyze them. Jot down how you feel, read what you wrote, keep it, or throw it away. You’d be amazed at how helpful writing can be for clearing your thoughts.  
  • Cut off all contact if possible: if you still talk to your ex but don’t plan on getting back together, you’re only doing both of you a disservice. Try to keep communication to a minimum or cut it off completely. 
  • Focus on loving yourself: make it a habit to spend regular quality time by yourself. Indulge in self-care and focus on achieving your personal goals. This will not only help you get over your ex, but it will also build a stronger foundation for future relationships.  
  • Seek professional help: talking to a knowledgeable relationship coach can help you understand and accept your emotions in order to heal the wounds and work on building healthier relationships. 

Attend A Couple Relationship Management Workshop & Create Healthier Attachments 

How Do You Get Over Someone You Love Deeply?

Whether you are trying to move on after a breakup or want to make sure your current relationship lasts, don’t hesitate to seek assistance from professionals. At PIVOT, we work with insightful online coaches to help individuals find happiness and fulfillment in their lives. 

We offer professional coaching sessions for individuals struggling with relationship problems, and also provide guidance through carefully devised relationship workshops. Our PIVOT Advocates will help you heal by facilitating lasting behavioral change and allowing you to experience relational freedom. Reach out to us today. 

The Common Rules Of Online Dating

Navigating the online dating world carries its own set of unique challenges. While the internet allows us to meet different people from all over the world, it’s not always easy to determine if the person you’ve met is the right person to start a relationship with

Whether you are single and looking for a partner online or want to make your existing long-distance relationship work, you should know what to look out for when maintaining an online relationship if you want to avoid disappointment and pain. 

If you need help finding happiness in your online relationships, don’t hesitate to contact a relationship coach. Professional insight can allow you to see your relationship from a different perspective and help you overcome any problems that may arise. Keep reading to learn all about online dating! 

What Are The Dos And Don’ts Of Online Dating?

What Are The Dos And Don'ts Of Online Dating?

While not everyone will have the same online dating experience, there are some things you generally should and shouldn’t do if you wish to find a suitable partner online. Here is a rundown of the most important dos and don’t of online dating. 


  • Talk to your potential partner for as long as you can via messages in order to get to know them. Don’t rush to meet them in person if you aren’t sure if you want to take things further. 
  • Be cautious when meeting your online date in real life. Make sure to tell somebody that you are meeting them and make sure to choose a public place for your first date. 
  • Keep an open mind. Online dating is about meeting new, different people. Try not to be fixated on finding the perfect person or talking only to people who are “your type”. 
  • Be ready for disappointment. You may start talking to someone you really like and feel like things are going great, only to find out that they don’t feel the same way. Don’t let that get you down. 
  • Be true to yourself. Presenting yourself in a dishonest way online may lead to problems. Be honest with yourself and your dates about who you are and what you want. 


  • Expect too much from your online date. Just because you feel good about them doesn’t mean that the relationship will work out. Take things slow and get to know your date before rushing into things. 
  • Share your personal information. No matter how close you get with someone online, don’t ever give out your private information. There are many scammers online who use clever manipulation tactics to reach their goals.  
  • Don’t meet your date if your gut instinct tells you not to. If you feel suspicious about your online date, don’t force yourself to meet them. If it feels wrong, it probably is. 
  • Have too much to drink: having one or two drinks is perfectly fine if you feel nervous during the first date. Make sure not to go overboard with alcohol as it may make you an easy target. 

What Are Red Flags With Online Dating?

Unfortunately, there are many dishonest and even dangerous people on the internet. If you want to stay safe and find a date worth your time and energy, you should know what to look out for when browsing online profiles. Here are some tips to help you:

  • They talk only about themselves: if their conversations revolve around the pronouns “me” and “I”, they may have a narcissistic personality. 
  • They claim they are not a “player”: if your date says they don’t play games, the reverse may be the case. 
  • They have a controlling attitude: stay away from people who use aggressive language or seem to be too needy, clingy, and controlling right off the bat. 
  • They are inconsistent: if your date stops texting you for long periods of time or make multiple excuses for not meeting you, there’s a chance that they may be in a relationship. 
  • They ask for nude photos immediately: If you’ve started talking to someone recently, and they start sending or requesting risque images, leave immediately. 
  • They ask for money: this is a major red flag. Even if your date has an elaborate or heartbreaking story don’t give them money as they are most likely a scammer. 

How Do I Know If My Online Date Is Serious?

While it’s true that you may have to go through several unfulfilling encounters, it is entirely possible that you will find someone who is serious about starting a healthy relationship. If you can’t tell if your date is on the same page as you, look for the following signs: 


If the person you’re talking to doesn’t leave you hanging and sets time aside to talk to you on a regular basis, it may indicate that they are interested in you enough to take things to the next level. 


A person who is not afraid to show vulnerability and clearly state their wishes and needs is probably emotionally mature and ready to build a relationship based on intimacy and trust. If your instincts tell you that your date is genuine, they probably are. 

Equal Expectations

Both you and your potential partner should want the same things from a relationship. Of course, no two persons can agree on absolutely everything, but if you feel that you are on the same page in terms of your expectations, that is definitely a good sign.

Reach Out To A Remote Relationship Coach Today 

What Are Red Flags With Online Dating?

Are you tired of always dating the same type of people? Are you struggling to build a relationship based on both physical and emotional intimacy? You are not alone. Our knowledgeable online PIVOT coaches are here to help you find the emotional balance you seek. 

At PIVOT, we strive to guide couples and individuals toward creating healthier, happier relationships. We offer expert individual coaching for relationship problems, as well as a wide variety of relationship building skills workshops. No matter what your emotional struggles may be, you can rely on our insightful coaches for professional support and guidance. Contact PIVOT today! 

Maintaining A Long Distance Relationship: Is It Possible?

Many modern relationships, if not most of them, start on the internet. While online dating and relationships weren’t always as popular as they are today, they have become increasingly common, especially in the present circumstances when many of us are unable to be close to the people we care about. 

If you need help recognizing red flags of online dating, seeking advice from a remote relationship coach may be exactly what you need. Read on to discover expert insights about maintaining online and long-distance relationships. 

Can Online Relationships Work?

Can Online Relationships Work?

Despite the exceptional popularity of online dating, many people still wonder whether such relationships can actually be worthwhile. Just like any other relationship, being close to someone online comes with its own set of problems and challenges.

If two people are committed to each other and willing to work on the relationship, then physical distance won’t present an insurmountable challenge. With dedication and trust, you and your partner can keep your long-distance relationship happy and healthy. Nevertheless, there’s no denying that maintaining intimacy online is hard work, and not all couples are equally willing or capable to commit to such a relationship. 

Can Distance Kill A Relationship?

While remote relationships can definitely work if the commitment is there, that doesn’t mean that things can’t go wrong. Here are some negative aspects of long-distance dating: 

  • Physical intimacy may be a problem. While emotional intimacy is a crucial part of any relationship, being physically intimate has its own role to play. If you and your partner are unable to work on that aspect, you may start to harbor feelings of bitterness and dissatisfaction. 
  • Your partner may not be as committed as you are. Not all relationships are equal. While you may be ready to go to great lengths to make things work, your partner may not feel the same. If you suspect that may be the case, speak with your partner openly. 
  • Your social life might suffer. If you can’t spend enough time with your friends because of the obligations that your long-distance relationship entails, you may start to feel bitter and resentful towards your partner. 
  • Communication can feel like a burden. As time goes on, you and your partner may not be as willing to speak to each other as much as you used to. If you don’t feel like talking to them every day, it’s possible that some of the attraction has faded. 
  • Growing apart is a possibility. Different circumstances can lead you and your partner in different directions, and that’s completely normal. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay if you start to feel like your relationship is coming to an end

What Should You Not Do In A Long-Distance Relationship?

Avoiding relationship pitfalls can be a challenging task if you are trying to keep things fresh remotely. If you care about your partner, make sure to avoid the following: 

  • Don’t let your long-distance relationship be the sole focus of your life. 
  • Don’t run away from arguments and try to be vulnerable. 
  • Don’t lie to your partner and keep secrets. 
  • Don’t pretend like everything is fine if you feel like it isn’t deep down. 
  • Don’t make your partner feel bad about having a social life. 
  • Don’t be too emotionally needy and clingy
  • Don’t let your partner control your daily life. 
  • Don’t assume that you and your partner have the same expectations. 

Of course, not all relationships are the same, and you and your partner may encounter wildly different issues than another couple would in your circumstances. Either way, you should make sure that both of you are on the same page in terms of your relationship expectations. If you can’t tell if your relationship is worth fighting for, then consulting professionals may be a good course of action. 

How Do You Keep A Long Distance Relationship Going?

While it may not be easy, keeping your long distance relationship happy is far from impossible. It’s true that you will have to put in a bit extra effort into making it work, but if you and your partner are a good match, your relationship is likely to last. Here’s what you can do to increase your chances: 

  1. Communicate

    We can’t stress the importance of healthy communication enough. It is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship and becomes even more essential if you and your partner can’t meet up face to face. 

  2. Be honest

    Without trust, your long distance relationship will be more likely to crumble. Make an effort to be open with your partner and let them know about any concerns you may have. There’s no room for secrets if you want to build your relationship on trust. 

  3. Set healthy boundaries

    Having realistic expectations is important in any relationship, but gains even more significance if you’re trying to make things work long-distance. Make sure that both of you feel comfortable in the relationship.

  4. Have online dates

    There are numerous ways in which you and your partner can spark things up online. Video calls and regular texting can go a long way in terms of building and maintaining intimacy. 

Seek Guidance From A PIVOT Relationship Coach Online 

How to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Going

Relationships can be a source of great happiness and deep despair. No matter your circumstances, know that you are not alone and that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationships. Whether you are starting a new relationship online or trying to keep your long-distance relationship fresh, our insightful PIVOT Advocates would be happy to share expert advice and guidance. 

At PIVOT, you can find solutions to your relationship problems via in-depth remote relationship coaching for individuals or one of our expertly devised relationship workshops and retreats. It is our mission to help couples and individuals overcome their struggles and heal emotional wounds through valuable insights based on experience and expertise. 

Our relationship coaches are knowledgeable, friendly, and always willing to help. Contact PIVOT today and find satisfaction and happiness in your relationship. We are here to help.