High Conflict Personalities: What You Need To Know

Do you find yourself constantly clashing with your partner, with conflicts only escalating instead of resolving in a healthy and peaceful manner? Have you tried different approaches of communicating while attempting to defuse the situation? Is it starting to seem that no matter what you do, say, or not say, it always goes the same? Conflict, anger, blame.

Perhaps there’s actually little you can do in these situations because it may have nothing to do with your actions, words, or behavior. Dealing with high conflict people can be really difficult and exhausting, especially if you’re giving it your all to make it work. 

Perhaps it is time to reach out to a relationship coach experienced in romantic relationships and try  building skills in couples’ workshops where you can address the underlying issues. However, learning what a high conflict personality is and if there are certain ways of successfully dealing with such individuals may help understand your partner or even yourself better. 

What Is A High Conflict Person?

What Causes High Conflict Personality

A high conflict person is an individual who has a pattern of conflict behavior that increases conflict instead of resolving it or reducing it. We find that most individuals who are referred to as high conflict are typically complex – and not that complicated.  Often, in conflict situations, couples are fighting the wrong fight.  They are defending against old wounds of trauma and drama that have not been recognized and/or processed. 

This type of behavior makes it really tough for people in a relationship to deal with a high conflict partner. It can be difficult communicating and some people find it nearly impossible to resolve conflicts with their partners who keep the cycle going.

The Behavioral Pattern of High Conflict People

High conflict personality can involve a pattern of behavior that has four underlying principles. There principles are typically the following:

  • Inability to manage emotions: High conflict people can react with intense disrespect, anger, fear, or even yelling when other individuals call their opinions into question. 
  • All-or-nothing thinking: HCPs identify potential conflict resolution with a single outcome and without taking the time to analyze the issue and listen to different points of view. 
  • Blaming others: High conflict people tend to blame others with a very high intensity while failing to notice faults in their own behavior. 
  • Extreme behavior: A high conflict person can often engage in extreme behaviors, whether in person or in writing. This behavior can consist of physical aggression in the form of shoving and even hitting, to psychological aggression in the form of spreading lies and rumors. 

The Types of High Conflict Personalities

Many high conflict people share the above mentioned behavioral patterns. However, there are five different types of high conflict personalities. These types can be identified based on the similarities between their explicit manner of interacting with other people. The five types of HCP are:

  • Antisocial: Antisocial high conflict people can be deceptive and charming while attempting to manipulate things toward their desired outcome. However, they can also be cruel and blame others to extremes in case they do not get what they want. 
  • Narcissistic: Narcissistic HCPs most commonly focus on their targets of blame. They keep putting their targets down, frequently in public. This is their way of proving they are superior, and they can resort to using insults with their partners. 
  • Borderline: These types of high conflict individuals often cling to their close personal relationships and quickly turn their partners into targets of blame in case of misperceived abandonment. They can be characterized with severe mood swings and sometimes dangerous physical and emotional behavior. 
  • Paranoid: People who have paranoid high conflict personalities can be extremely suspicious of people around them. They can carry a grudge for a long time while punishing their targets of blame. 
  • Histrionic: This type of HCP is most frequently associated with emotional manipulation and big emotional outbursts and drama. They can feel unjustly hurt by other people, which makes them attack their targets of blame without any apparent need. 

What Causes High Conflict Personality?

Unfortunately, it is not possible to determine what exactly causes individuals to develop a high conflict personality. There has been theoretical research that linked HCP to different variations of early-life neglect or abuse.

Same research theoretically excludes the potential of high conflict personality appearing due to any psychological or genetic conditions. It also attributes some role of temperament in the development of HCP. 

Also, there are indications that events that carry great emotional stress, such as divorces and relationship difficulties, can trigger HCP. However, all this remains at a semi-speculative and scientifically unproven level. 

What is important to note is that in partnerships, there needs to be a way that the couple can agree to resolve conflict based on their individual background and needs.  This is where relationship coaching can be a huge help. 

How Can You Tell If Someone Is A High Conflict Person?

So, how do you know if your partner might be high conflict? One of the methods of trying to identify a high conflict person is by implementing the WEB method. This method focuses on paying attention to the words people say, identifying your emotions when communicating with them, and taking into consideration their behavior. 

  • Words: High conflict people may have the habit of speaking in extremes and perceiving people as either completely good or horribly bad. Also, they can blame others for their problems and failings while being unable to reflect on their own part in these situations. 
  • Emotions: It is also necessary to identify your own emotions when speaking to a person who is potentially high conflict. Do you notice feeling defensive or uncomfortable while speaking with them? How about angry? Since emotions can transfer, you can find yourself experiencing anger toward somebody else after speaking with a high conflict person. 
  • Behavior: Finally, how does your partner behave? Do they constantly find excuses for extreme behavior? Pay attention if they exhibit some of the behaviors that causes conflict for no apparent reason. 

Of course, if you notice that a person acts like this around you, ask yourself – is this their usual behavior? Sometimes your partner may have a bad day or experience an emotionally draining event. However, if you’re in a relationship with a partner who is constantly exhibiting similar behaviors, then, what if it’s not just a bad day? 

How Do You Deal With A High Conflict Person?

Being in a relationship with a high conflict person can be very difficult. You may come to a point where you’re unable to say or do anything without expecting an exaggerated reaction from them. 

However, is there a way to resolve conflicts in such relationships in a healthy, constructive way? There are some things you can try doing when attempting to peacefully resolve a conflict with your HC partner:

  • Try to remain calm and not engage in any emotional confrontations with your partner. Reacting emotionally will make your partner probably do the same.The calmer you are, the more likely your partner will calm down as well. 
  • High conflict people often blame others, so you try not to apologize while remaining respectful and calm. Your high conflict partner could take the “admission of guilt” as the necessary sign to reaffirm their opinion of you being at fault without assuaging their anger. 
  • Being as brief as possible during your arguments with your high conflict partner may help. HCPs have the tendency to cling to words, and choosing your words and speaking briefly could help get your point across better.
  • Try to understand your partner’s personality and stop blaming yourself for the potential faults in the relationship. 
  • Finally, if you notice that you are not making progress in reaching your partner and communicating your opinions and feelings, reach out to a relationship coach who can help you resolve your difficulties. 

Tired Of Constant Conflicts? Join PIVOT & Try Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities 

How Can You Tell If Someone Is A High Conflict Person

Experiencing conflict in a relationship can cause you to become avoidant and to become afraid of openly speaking your mind with your partner, all in the hopes of staying as far away from potential conflict as possible. As difficult as it may be to actually face your partner and relationship problems, it might prove to be more helpful than sweeping your problems under the rug. Because they won’t just go away. 

However, sometimes even your best attempts at dealing with your partner’s high conflict personality seem to be fruitless. You may find yourself in a situation where it looks like there is nothing more you can do. Or may simply be too tired of constant conflicts and blame to even begin trying.

That is why we have founded PIVOT – to give you and your partner the help you need when you don’t see a way forward. Our relationship retreat workshops can help your partner and you learn how to function better, while your partner could learn how to deal with their high conflict personality at our individual coaching sessions. Our experienced advocates will help guide you through our process of resolving relationship problems. Reach out to us today and let’s start healing together. 

Conflict Avoidance In Relationships: How To Break The Cycle

Are you afraid that confronting your partner would harm your relationship? You’re not alone. 

Conflict avoidance is one of the most common intimacy problems a couple is likely to face in a relationship. This is because withdrawing and distancing yourself from conflict to protect your relationship can often make sense. Why subject yourself to distress? Why upset your partner and rock the boat when you can continue your day without unnecessary fights? 

Does conflict avoidance actually protect your relationship? Well, the short and the long answer is no. On the contrary, conflict avoidance patterns can erode your relationship’s foundation. They can erode trust, make your partner feel unsafe, and cause you to harbor resentment in a way that may make you feel unheard in the long run. Avoiding conflicts can mean starting a war inside yourself, with no one else to fight but you. 

If you’ve noticed a pattern of conflict avoidance in yourself or your partner, this article may give you the answers and guidance you seek. You’ll find out why you have a tendency to shy away from confrontation, how this can impact your relationship, and what you can do to break the pattern. 

What Is Conflict Avoidance Behavior?

How Does Avoiding Conflict Affect Relationships

In a way, conflict avoidance can be seen as a kind of people-pleasing behavior. It often has roots in a deep fear of upsetting other people and witnessing their negative reactions. This fear may happen if a child grows up in a family environment that is hypercritical, dismissive, or abusive. Such a child might grow up to expect negative outcomes from conflict. This can cause them to withdraw from confrontation in their adult lives for fear of the same dismissive or critical reactions they were exposed to in their family environment. 

If this sounds like you, then you may find speaking your mind and asserting yourself to be unnerving, scary, or extremely stressful. You may change the subject every time your partner brings up a contentious topic. You might endure highly uncomfortable situations because you don’t want to speak up and rock the boat. Maintaining the status quo is what you know, it’s where you feel safe. 

Some other examples of conflict avoidance may include: 

  • Denying the existence of an issue, stonewalling 
  • Extreme fear of disappointing other people 
  • Sidestepping uncomfortable conversations 
  • Harboring resentment over unresolved problems 

Why Do I Struggle With Confrontation?

How parents and caregivers react when a child expresses their thoughts and feelings can have a great impact on the child’s wellbeing. If a child is controlled, engulfed, or dismissed in their family environment, they may develop conflict avoidant and secretive behaviors and thoughts in order to maintain a sense of safety and security. 

This is part of avoidant relationship attachment. If you have a tendency to attach in your relationships by avoiding confrontation and connection, or are prone to secrets, you may have some avoidant tendencies you learned in childhood. 

Your wounded inner child or teenager who remembers the past painful outcomes of confrontation all too vividly may cause you to resort to your learned survival patterns whenever you experience conflict in adulthood. It is a way to maintain a sense of safety. To avoid hurting yourself. 

The exact nature of these patterns will depend on your unique circumstances. Withdrawing and shying away from confrontation is a common one. Some people may also vehemently protest whenever things don’t go their way or resort to blaming other people to avoid responsibility for their actions. 

How Does Avoiding Conflict Affect Relationships?

If you learned to be conflict avoidant as a child, you may find yourself losing your own voice quickly in your relationships. You may keep quiet, however hurt you may be. Or you may convince yourself that you’re not hurt at all. 

When you keep hiding your feelings and sweeping problems under the rug, you won’t actually make them go away. Not really. They may actually come back stronger, when you least want them to. You may also subconsciously direct the negative and painful feelings to your partner, blaming them for your inability to speak up and nurture intimacy. Or you may direct them inwardly and begin to hate yourself for your perceived weaknesses. 

Ultimately, avoiding conflict can hinder healthy relationship growth. It can prevent you from finding satisfaction in your relationship and developing intimacy. A conflict avoidant relationship is not a fertile environment for trust to grow. 

How Do I Stop Being Scared Of Conflict?

If you feel like your fear of conflict is holding you back from nurturing healthy relationships, don’t despair. There are some steps you can take to heal your childhood wounds and overcome your fearful-avoidant tendencies. 

  • Evaluate your survival patterns. What experiences from your past may have led to your conflict avoidance? What are you trying to escape when you shy away from confrontation? Becoming aware of your core survival patterns is the first step towards changing them. 
  • Think about the effects of hiding emotions. Try and identify the negative ways that avoiding confrontation can affect your relationship. This can motivate you to speak up and work on developing healthier conflict behaviors. 
  • Think about how healthy conflict can benefit you. Discussing your thoughts and feelings openly with your partner can actually create a stronger bond between you two. You may also find it easier to stand up for yourself in other situations, whether social or professional. 
  • Reconsider any assumptions you may have about conflict. Fear of conflict can be incredibly deeply rooted, so this step can be hard. Try to remind yourself that confrontation won’t necessarily result in pain and distress. And the more you practice healthy conflict, the less afraid you’re likely to be next time.  
  • Take one step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and overcoming your learned survival patterns is unlikely to be a quick process, either. Take it slow and work on one problem at a time. 
  • Practice staying calm. Honest and fair communication relies on patience, calmness, and “I” statements. Instead of casting blame, try to keep your cool and give your perspective calmly. The idea is to become more assertive, not aggressive. 

Learn Healthy Conflict Through Relationship Intimacy Coaching

Why Do I Struggle With Confrontation

Individuals with secure attachment are able to experience conflict, sit with their feelings, and express them in a calm, healthy way. If your childhood circumstances have led to avoidant or anxious behavior in your adulthood, you may find it extremely painful to take the first step and re-learn healthy patterns. 

At PIVOT, we are committed to helping individuals who feel betrayed, hurt, unheard, or wounded. Our relationship retreats can help you find your strength, build secure attachment, speak your truth, and take healthy action. Explore our compassion-based coaching modules now and start healing. 

Anxious Avoidant Relationships: The Co-Addictive Tango

The attachment we establish in the early years of our childhood can have a massive impact on our adult relationships. Some people, on the one hand, get overwhelmed with the wants and needs of others, which might prompt them to run away. Others may crave connection, but harbor a fear of abandonment and causes them to cling on. 

These two descriptions refer to people with avoidant and anxious attachment styles, respectively. Unfortunately, avoidant and anxious individuals often find themselves attracted to each other, which may lead to a whole range of unhealthy patterns in their relationships. 

Sounds familiar? Don’t worry. While you may experience powerful feelings that are hard to manage or tolerate, there are ways to build healthier boundaries and patterns in your relationships. For one, you may attend a love avoidance intensive workshop, or work on uncovering and healing your core wound yourself. 

We understand how confusing, painful, and damaging the co-addictive tango between an anxious and avoidant partner can be. Luckily, with self awareness and adequate support, you can heal your attachment wound. Read on. 

What Is An Anxious Avoidant Relationship?

Why Do Anxious And Avoidant Partners Find It Hard To Leave One Another

Whereas a person with a secure attachment would be able to comfortably depend on others, it isn’t so easy for anxious and avoidant people. Because of this, a relationship between an avoidant and anxious person can be riddled with difficulties. 

If you’re unsure if you have an insecure attachment, ask yourself this:

Do you have an unmet longing for connection?

Are you able to be alone, without falling into despair when your partner isn’t around? 

Do you feel a loss of self when someone else gets too close?

 Like your partner expects too much from you and takes too much of your time? 

Insecure attachment can take numerous forms. It generally tends to involve negative relationship expectations, loss of control, and intense reactions to rejection and conflict. 

Why Do Anxious And Avoidant Partners Find It Hard To Leave One Another?

Imagine this scenario: a man meets a woman who seems mysterious and independent. She seems hard to get, doesn’t open up easily, and shows affection at all the right moments. The man, who had negative experiences with women in the past, is drawn to her, almost compulsively. It seems to him that she has everything he’s looking for, but he needs to work hard to gain her affection and approval. 

Such a relationship may work well for a while. It may be passionate, exciting, almost dangerous. As the man continues to pursue the woman months or even years after the relationship started, he may grow increasingly anxious. He might become needy, invasive, or desperate. On the other hand, the woman may withdraw even further, trying to find ways to escape the clutches of the relationship. She may lash out or avoid conflict altogether. She may seek escape in other people or activities and develop secretive behaviors. 

While it is fairly easy to see how damaging this relationship pattern can be from the outside, it is much harder to identify and break off an unhealthy relationship when you are in it. There is a reason why anxious and avoidant people are attracted to each other. 

The behaviors of the avoidant partner, however damaging, reflect the learned patterns an anxious individual was exposed to in their family environment and past experiences, and vice versa. It is a vicious cycle, one that relies on the core wounds of each partner to keep on going. 

Can Avoidants Have Successful Relationships?

If you have avoidant tendencies or have a partner who does, it is likely the case that you struggle to find ways to make the relationship work. If you feel engulfed and overwhelmed by your partner’s needs, you may find it hard to trust and respect your partner. You may find that your fantasies involve secrecy, a new life away from your present reality. 

True intimacy may seem threatening to you. Another possibility is that you struggle with speaking your mind and harbor resentment deep inside, blaming your partner for the shortcomings of your relationship. 

Your current reality doesn’t have to be painful. While it may be best to end a relationship you’re presently in, you might also be able to make it work, with patience and support. By making peace with your inner child and working on abandoning unhealthy patterns, you’ll learn to find satisfaction, calmness, and security in your relationship. 

Can A Relationship Between An Anxious And Avoidant Work?

As already mentioned, it is possible to rebuild your relationship if there’s enough motivation and will. Unfortunately, some learned survival patterns may be so deeply ingrained that the process of ‘unlearning’ them might take years. 

Still, by choosing to ignore your problems and pain, you will only allow the cycle to continue and hurt yourself more in the process. Here are some guidelines you can follow to improve your relationship with an anxious or avoidant partner: 

  • Take your time and work on one problem at a time. 
  • Understand how your experiences shaped your attachment style. 
  • Work on being vulnerable and learn healthy conflict.
  • Learn to create healthy boundaries.
  • Be willing to both listen to your partner and share your thoughts. 
  • Seek support from professional relationship coaches. 

Find Security in PIVOT Love Avoidance Coaching

Can Avoidants Have Successful Relationships

Whether you have experienced betrayal in your relationship or feel like you open up to your partner out of fear of being hurt again, know that you’re not alone. At PIVOT, we have developed a variety of coaching modules designed to help you and numerous others find the motivation and support to create healthier relationship patterns. 

We have a range of workshops and retreats for couples and individuals, all based on compassion and experience. With our carefully designed curriculum, known as the PIVOT process, you can learn to evaluate your thoughts and feelings and take appropriate action to improve your relationships. Contact us today and start working on facilitating positive change by going through the PIVOT process. 

What Is Trauma Bonding And How Does It Happen?

Have you ever seen a friend or a family member struggle in a relationship and wondered why they still chose to stay? Did it seem unreasonable? It tends to be much easier to detect an abusive relationship from the outside. What happens when you’re the one experiencing abuse in a relationship? Why is it so difficult to leave, despite all the red flags that may be so obvious to people around you? 

A part of the answer to this question has to do with trauma bonding. This common pattern occurs when an individual develops an unhealthy attachment to an abusive partner. Trauma bonding is also often tied to codependency, an excessive reliance on a partner who is narcissistic, or suffers from an addiction or illness. 

If you have experienced trauma bonding in your relationship, you may be unaware of the many ways it can impact your emotional wellbeing. In this article, we will explore how trauma bonding occurs, whether it can become healthy, and how it can be released with appropriate intensive coaching. Read on to find out how to stop it in its tracks. 

What Is Trauma Bonding In A Relationship?

How Does Trauma Bonding Happen

Trauma bonding can happen when a partner repeatedly abuses another person, yet fuels their need for love and validation. You are most likely to experience trauma bonding in a romantic relationship, It is also possible for this pattern to occur in your professional life or your family. 

While other aspects of an abusive relationship can often be easily detected, this is not the case with trauma bonding. One reason for this is the persistent emotional manipulation done by the abuser. Through gaslighting, love bombing, and numerous other manipulation tactics, the abuser may convince you that their harmful behaviors are normal. 

As a trauma bond forms, you may feel like you need more and more validation from your partner, develop a sense of loyalty, or rationalize their behaviors. This gives the abusive partner more power, enabling them to continue the manipulation. 

Signs Of Trauma Bonding 

Unfortunately, it may take months or even years for you to realize that you are in an abusive relationship in which a trauma bond has formed. You may be aware of the hurt and confusion, but unable to distinguish between true reality and the one created by your partner. To help you avoid or break this dangerous pattern, here are some common signs of trauma bonding: 

  • Defending and justifying the abuse 
  • Agreeing with the reasons for the abuse 
  • Arguing with close family members and friends who are trying to help 
  • Distancing from family members and friends 
  • Being hostile or defensive when someone tries to intervene 
  • Not being able to break the trauma bond despite seeing the signs 
  • Maintaining the sense of loyalty and love toward the abuser even after leaving 

To illustrate the point further, a person in a trauma bond may say: 

  • “I don’t plan on leaving her. I’ve never been more in love. You’re just envious.” 
  • “He is treating me this way because he’s obsessed with me. He just loves me too much, I know you don’t understand.” 
  • “I just can’t stop being dumb and making him angry… It is all my fault, I’m so stupid.” 

How Does Trauma Bonding Happen?

Abuse reinforcement is at the core of trauma bonding. The manipulative partner may alternate abuse with highly positive experiences, especially at the start of the relationship (known as love bombing). Once the trauma bond starts to develop, it gets strengthened over time, as the manipulation continues. As time passes, you may find it more and more difficult to detect the signs of abuse, as the abuser may isolate you from your close friends and family and ‘train’ you in a way, to stay in the relationship. 

Even if you are aware of the toxic behaviors, you may be so conditioned to keep forgiving your partner that leaving becomes near impossible. You may feel stuck, confused, and incredibly lonely, all without support. 

Can A Trauma Bond Become Healthy?

Since trauma bonding can cause the abused person to deny toxic behaviors, they may maintain hope that the relationship can be saved. For example, you may think that your partner will love you more if you become ‘better’. They may change their ways with your love and support. Unfortunately, transforming a trauma bond into a healthy attachment rarely happens, although it is possible to stop one from forming before it’s too late.  

If you know that you are in a toxic relationship, seek help. It may seem difficult, even impossible. However hard it may seem, it is possible to break the bond and manage the symptoms of trauma with appropriate support. 

How Do You Release A Trauma Bond?

Releasing a trauma bond can be a difficult, time-consuming process, but it’s entirely possible. You can try: 

  1. Focusing on the present moment:

    If you keep hoping that your partner will change and keep remembering the good old times, you may find it increasingly difficult to leave the relationship. Try to focus on attention on what is happening right now and reflect on it. 

  2. Notice negative self-talk:

    Do you often catch yourself thinking or saying how weak, stupid, or unlovable you are? This is known as negative self-talk. It can reduce your self-esteem and increase your dependence on your partner. Try to notice it and replace it with more positive alternatives. 

  3. Practice self-care:

    Learning to love and care for yourself can help reduce stress and give you more confidence. This may include meditation, physical exercise, journaling, hobbies, and talking to trusted friends.

  4. Learn more about toxic relationships:

    If possible, try to learn about the different signs of abuse and unhealthy behaviors in order to prevent them from happening or escalating. Also, explore what healthy relationships tend to look like.

  5. Seek professional help:

    You don’t have to endure the pain of a trauma bond on your own. Experienced coaches can help you gain a new perspective on your relationship and find ways to figure out your problems. 

Attend A Codependency Retreat And Find Relief 

How Do You Release A Trauma Bond

Speaking with a compassionate relationship coach, whether online or in person, can help you manage the difficult emotions involved in trauma bonding. At PIVOT, we specialize in helping individuals like you break apart from unhealthy relationship dynamics. It is natural to seek love and validation, and we are here to help you gain insight into your feelings and thoughts.

Explore our carefully crafted workshops for couples and individuals and learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way, express yourself without fear, and treat yourself with love. Contact us now. 

Reparenting Your Inner Child: What Is It All About?

You’ve probably encountered the phrase “inner child” thrown around on the internet or your social circle. And there is a good reason for that. While the concept may seem cliché, it is a simple, yet useful idea to understand and discuss. Most people carry scars from their childhoods, and the child within them remains needy, just like any other child. This child is vulnerable, damaged, and unable to meet its own needs. 

While understanding the concept of the inner child is not too difficult, healing your inner child can be a particularly long and strenuous process. Still, however difficult, getting in touch with your inner child can help you modify unhealthy patterns in your relationships, such as conflict avoidance, neediness, and other issues stemming from your attachment style. 

A remote relationship coach can help you a great deal if you would like to better understand and care for your inner child, as they can provide professional guidance and insight that keeps your unique circumstances in mind. In the meantime, keep on reading to learn more about the concept of the inner child and how you can use it to heal your emotional wounds. 

What Is The Inner Child Theory?

Of course, having an inner child doesn’t mean that there’s a kid living inside you. It also doesn’t mean that you only think and believe childishly. What it does mean is that your unconscious mind has a childlike aspect. This childlikeness can spring up when you face a challenge in your adult life, acting as a ‘subpersonality’. 

This inner child essentially reflects the child you once were. Your unmet needs, longings, and suppressed emotions, along with your childlike creativity, joy and innocence are still present within you. 

The concept of the inner child is often attributed to Carl Jung. His ‘child archetype’ is an important part of the individuation process, the development and integration of the different parts of the self into a healthy, functioning whole. According to Jung, the child archetype can help us reconnect with the past and recollect our childhood experiences and emotions, both positive and negative. It can also help you mature and find a way to work toward a better future for yourself. 

How Do I Know If My Inner Child Is Wounded?

You, just like any other child, wanted to be cared for and loved. So if you received affection from your parents, caregivers, and relatives only when you were “good”, your inner child may be angry, sad, or rebellious. On the flip side, if you experienced any form of abuse or trauma in your younger years, you might have developed strategies to hide your vulnerability and pain as a survival pattern. 

Your inner child may also cling to the things you were taught to believe about yourself and others. If you have an inner voice telling you to keep your true thoughts to yourself, that you are not good or smart enough, or that all things sexual are somehow ‘evil’ or ‘dirty’, that may be your inner child speaking up. 

Here are some other signs that your inner child may be wounded: 

What Does Reparenting Yourself Mean?

How Do I Know If My Inner Child Is Wounded

Children don’t depend on their parents and caregivers only for their basic needs. Your parents also teach you how to understand, express, and manage your emotions, how to set boundaries, soothe yourself, and show compassion. If you were deprived of unconditional love and healthy relationship models in your childhood, it is very likely that you struggle with your emotions and behaviors in your adulthood. 

With this in mind, reparenting yourself means giving yourself the emotional support you didn’t receive in childhood. You may think that social and emotional skills are innate. That you’re somehow missing what others seem to have or know. But remember, these are only learned behaviors. And it is not too late to start learning and giving yourself the care and attention you deserve. This is precisely what reparenting yourself is all about – learning to meet your own needs and support yourself with love and compassion. 

How Do I Reparent My Inner Child?

There are numerous ways in which you can get in touch with your inner child and reparent yourself. Here are some useful tips: 

  1. Acknowledge that your inner child exists.

    You can only begin to heal once you’ve recognized that your inner child is there and that it may be wounded. Try to remember painful experiences, those that keep popping up in your mind to this day. Uncovering these hurts can help you better understand their effect on your adult self. 

  2. Listen to your inner child and open your mind to what it has to say.

    Getting in touch with your inner child can bring up difficult emotions, including sadness, anger, shame, guilt, fear, and anxiety. Try to trace these back to specific experiences in your childhood and see where they are coming from. 

  3. Write a letter to your inner child.

    It may seem silly, but writing to your inner child from your adult perspective can be of great help in soothing your pain. For example, you may have wondered why your sister treated you the way she did when you were little and now you think you have the answer. Your inner child may benefit from hearing it. 

  4. Try journaling and meditation.

    These activities can bring you numerous benefits, both for your physical and emotional health. They can boost self-awareness, open your mind, and work through painful experiences.

  5. Get in touch with your playful side.

    Playfulness and relaxation are a key part of emotional health. Every day, you may worry about your work, your social life, and other adult responsibilities. Bringing back the lightheartedness and joys of childhood can help you rekindle many positive emotions.

  6. Understand that reparenting is an open-ended process.

    Your healing journey doesn’t have to have a definite, clear ending. It is a continuous process. You may learn something new from your inner child if you keep listening, giving it compassion and love, and working on healing your wounds. 

  7. Speak to a relationship coach.

    Reparenting yourself can be hard. This is why it is a good idea to speak with a compassionate and knowledgeable specialist who can help you on your healing journey with guidance and insight.

Heal Your Inner Child With The Help Of Codependency Recovery Coaching 

What Does Reparenting Yourself Mean

There are many ways in which your wounded inner child can affect your adult life. You may have an exceedingly hard time dealing with betrayal. Or you might develop anxious or avoidant tendencies in your relationships. If you feel stuck, vulnerable, ashamed, or hurt in any way, finding appropriate support can be life changing. At PIVOT, we offer compassion-based relationship coaching for individuals struggling with childhood wounds and unhealthy attachment patterns. We can also help you heal through carefully designed workshops that target the emotions and behaviors that prevent you from living your life with joy and contentment. Reach out now and start your healing journey the right way.

Are Some People Meant To Be Single?

Not everybody experiences relationships in the same way. While some people find intimacy and romance to be effortless and filled with joy, others struggle to make romantic relationships work. If you’ve given relationships a try however they haven’t worked, you may be wondering, like others, that  you may be better off single. 

Being single can sometimes be the right choice. You may not feel ready to enter a romantic relationship, feel like you need to work on yourself, or simply feel like relationships are not for you. Still, if starting and facilitating a relationship is something you want to work on, attending a specialized workshop may provide you with the resources and skills you need.

In this article, we will discuss what it means to be alone and whether some people are more suited to a solitary life, Read on. 

Are Some People Meant To Be Alone?

Is It Bad That I Like To Be Alone

For many people, being alone can be a frightening prospect. They might yearn to find that special someone and enter a committed relationship with them, and the thought of being alone may terrify them. On the other hand, there are people who seem to be entirely content with being single. They aren’t too interested in entering a serious relationship or any relationship for that matter, and the idea of spending most of their time alone doesn’t sound all that bad. 

However, there are other people who might long to be in a relationship and feel included, but they’ve felt rejected or unlovable for most of their life. This can fuel rage and hostility, and cause these individuals to withdraw and distance themselves from everybody in their life. 

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, remember that there’s no shame in being single for whatever reason just like there’s no shame in committing yourself to a serious relationship. Everyone is different in the way they approach love and relationships. 

Is It Bad That I Like To Be Alone?

If you feel perfectly comfortable spending most of your time on your own, engaging in your favorite activities, why would that be a bad thing? You may feel like being alone gives you a feeling of integrity and independence, or you may embrace your alone time more than other people around you. After all, your happiness is what matters. 

If you do feel deep down that you’re avoiding relationships because of a deep-seated fear of vulnerability or a feeling of being unlovable, you may not actually like being alone. But how can you tell? How can you know for sure whether you’re choosing to be alone for your own happiness and wellbeing or shielding yourself from something? 

If you’re wondering, consider the following statements and see if they apply to you. 

1. You feel genuinely happy when you’re single 

For some people, being single and alone can be a source of stress, anxiety, and sadness. These people may feel like their self-worth and self-esteem are diminished when they’re not in a relationship. However, people who truly enjoy being single cherish their moments of solitude. If you feel genuinely satisfied with your current situation and being alone brings you a sense of contentment, it’s likely that you fall into the latter category. 

2. You have your ways of doing things 

Do you have a routine that benefits you and don’t like when people disturb it? Relationships take a great deal of effort and compromise, and you may have little desire to change your routine. This can be a good sign that you’d be happier being alone in the long run. 

3. You’re focused on your self improvement and career

Relationships are not a top priority for everyone. You may be set on achieving your career goals or simply want to become the best person you can be without basing your worth on the opinions of others. You may also have a large group of friends who provide you with the support and connection you need to feel included. If your current life doesn’t leave much room for relationships and you feel content with that, then a single life may be a great fit for you. 

4. You don’t feel lonely

There’s a great difference between loneliness and being alone. Individuals who fear being single experience feelings of isolation and loneliness and don’t feel comfortable spending time on their own. On the other hand, people who enjoy being single don’t feel isolated and unhappy when alone. They may be quite friendly, social, and active, while thoroughly enjoying quality alone time. Choosing to be alone doesn’t mean choosing loneliness. 

Do Loners Fall In Love?

Often, loners aren’t averse to affection and relationships, they just don’t go out of their way to find them. If you identify yourself as a loner, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t or don’t want to fall in love. It may simply be that you just haven’t met the right person yet. If you do have a desire to enter a relationship, it is quite likely that you’ll run into someone who values your individuality, shares your interests, and respects your alone time. 

Can Loners Be Happy?

Do Loners Fall In Love

When you hear the word ‘loner’, you may get the stereotypical picture of an individual who doesn’t like people, withdraws to spend their time inside their own home, and harbors resentment because of their isolated lifestyle. However, many people who enjoy being alone aren’t angry, bitter, or disenchanted, but simply embrace their alone time. They tend to feel good about themselves and appreciate the rich inner world they created in solitude. In fact, their independent and self-sufficient nature can make them rather attractive to others. 

The bottom line is that you can be perfectly happy alone, but only if you feel comfortable with yourself and feel no resentment towards others. If you’re not alone by choice and want to change that, however, you can find the support you need to find true happiness in a relationship. 

Attend A Relationship Building Skills Workshop And Find Connection 

Whether you feel happy alone but want to bring some change into your life or you’re tired of spending your time in solitude, make sure to contact PIVOT. We are a team of compassionate and dedicated relationship specialists who can help you facilitate positive change. We offer both individual coaching tailored to each client and intensive workshops for couples who want to work on their relationship. No matter what your needs may be, you can count on us to provide you with a personalized coaching experience and help boost your wellbeing. Contact us today. 

Not Satisfied In Your Relationship? Here’s Why That May Be

Do you feel like no matter what you do or which turn your life takes, you can’t seem to be content with the way things are? Or are you in a relationship that ‘should’ make you happy, but you still feel unsatisfied? 

There is a whole range of reasons why you may feel unhappy in your relationship and life in general. If you are looking for a way to improve your relationship and your overall well being, and find happiness in the little things, private couple retreats for reconnection may help. In the meantime, keep on reading to find out why you may be unhappy and what you can do to change that.  

Why Am I Not Satisfied In A Relationship? 

What Causes A Person Not To Be Satisfied

Continuously wanting more out of life is a common human condition. Often, we learn at an early age to compare ourselves to other people. Later in life we feel like our current dissatisfaction of not enough can only be cured by getting more recognition and power, a better job, or a better partner. We seem to be reaching for something that remains out of grasp or cling to something long gone. 

If you’re not sure if you recognize yourself in this, think about the thoughts that intrude your mind on a daily basis. Do you constantly think about how things should be or should have been, are you continuously doubting and evaluating your choices?   Are you longing for something that keeps slipping away? 

This can be seen as having a ‘wanting mind’ that causes us to not feel satisfied, regardless of what we actually do have in life. If you’re unsure if having a wanting mind is what’s making you unhappy, remember the last time you craved for something and managed to obtain it. How long did the satisfaction caused by attaining the object of your longing last? How long after did you start longing for something else? The root of the problem here is that we keep replacing old desires with new ones, due to a belief that we’ll find the key to happiness in something outside of ourselves, instead of looking within. 

What Causes A Person Not To Be Satisfied?

Our tendency to want more can be explained in several ways. Here are some root causes of having a ‘wanting mind’: 

  1. Our expectations:

    As you achieve more success, whether financial or social, your expectations are likely to increase in tandem. This leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction. However, this doesn’t mean that lowering your expectations is the way to go. If you do this, you’ll only be selling yourself short. 

  2. Comparing ourselves to others:

    Many people can’t escape the temptation to compare themselves to the success of others. The grass is greener mentality can cause us to keep competing and searching for something outside ourselves in order to find happiness. 

  3. Hedonic adaptation:

    The concept of hedonic adaptation has a lot to do with how our expectations change along with our circumstances. Humans are prone to quickly adapting to the negative and positive events in life and returning to their happiness base level. Once we become accustomed to one thing, it can be quite difficult to go back. 

What Do You Do When You’re Not Satisfied In A Relationship?

While you may be struggling with a constant feeling of dissatisfaction caused by a ‘wanting mind’, it may also be the case that your relationship isn’t actually meeting your needs. After all, if you don’t feel good in a relationship, whether because your partner doesn’t value your integrity, you have no common interests, or you’d simply prefer to be alone, then it may not be the right one for you. A good way to deal with dissatisfaction in a relationship is to be honest with your partner and yourself, communicate openly, and discuss any issues you may be dealing with. 

How Do I Increase Satisfaction In A Relationship?

Whether you’re dealing with an overall sense of dissatisfaction or feel unhappy in your relationship, there’s no reason to beat yourself up over it. There are ways to increase your satisfaction and nurture relationships that meet your needs. Here are some tips: 

  • Set realistic expectations: setting your expectations too high or too low can exacerbate your sense of dissatisfaction. Instead, try to set goals for yourself that are firmly based in reality and aren’t out of your reach. 
  • Increase self-awareness: by getting to know yourself better with all your virtues and flaws, you can learn to be more humble and realistic. Looking inward can also help you avoid basing your sense of worth on external sources. 
  • Express gratitude: in order to break the shackles of a wanting mind, you can try teaching yourself to be thankful for what you have. Being grateful for even the smallest things in your life can help increase your overall happiness. 
  • Celebrate your successes: why not congratulate yourself for your accomplishments, both large and small? This may be as little as getting out of bed in the morning or starting to work out regularly. Celebrating your wins can help boost your confidence and life satisfaction. 
  • Be open and honest: communicating your needs and wants with your partner in a positive manner can enhance your intimacy and trust. It is also important to try and be honest with yourself and identify realistic paths for growth. 

Visit Our Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals And Increase Your Life Satisfaction 

How Do I Increase Satisfaction In A Relationship

Sometimes, trying to understand yourself and your life situation can become overwhelming. Instead of withdrawing and giving up, you can pick yourself up and work on your emotional wellbeing with a little push. At PIVOT, we work hard to help individuals and couples deal with their relationship problems and the general demands of everyday life. 

Whether you are an individual looking for a compassionate relationship coach or want to attend an intensive workshop with your partner, the dedicated staff at PIVOT is at your beck and call. Reach out to us now and take the first step towards lasting happiness.