Day: April 6, 2022

We live in a world that is driven by competition. We’re frequently distracted by the need to draw comparisons with other people. You may be wondering why you’re comparing yourself to others and how it affects you and your partner. Does competitiveness serve any purpose in your relationship?

To better understand your or your partner’s need to compete, get a closer look at the nature of competitive relationships and whether it is healthy to compare yourself to your partner. This will help you learn how to recognize signs of competitive and other love avoidant behavior, and how to quit comparing yourself to others. 

Is It Normal To Compare Yourself To Your Partner?

A part of being human is the awareness of the abilities, achievements, and talents of the people around you. It’s only natural that you end up drawing comparisons between yourself and others, especially people that you’re close with. Nevertheless, it can become difficult if it becomes an obsessive habit. This can become an overwhelming issue when combined with a low level of acceptance of your small flaws and imperfections.

As with many other aspects of a relationship, the context makes all the difference. While you’ll typically see a good deal of competition growing up, among school kids and siblings, sometimes even among coeds and coworkers, there’s very little place for it in an adult, intimate relationship. 

There’s a clear difference between feeling envious and insecure and being respectful or in awe of your partner. If you have a habit of comparing yourself to others, especially to your partner, it’s important to be aware of the following:

• It’s based on unfair presumptions. You’ll compare the worst you know about yourself with the best you presume about your partner or others.  
• Not everything that matters can be quantified. True comparisons require some unit of measurement and comparing your worth, success, and qualities, can’t be reduced to a score.
• It’s time-consuming. Wasting too much of your time on comparing yourself to others isn’t the best use of your time, especially the precious moments with your partner. 
• It robs you of precious energy. Instead of putting your focus on something creative and fulfilling, you can become so distraught to even lose passion, drive, and determination to accomplish your goals.
• It’s not good enough. Attaining success doesn’t put the end to comparisons, in fact, your focus may still shift to something else. 
• It often leads to resentment. Since you can’t control the object of your comparison, i.e. success and achievement of others, you’ll start to feel a strong resentment toward them and yourself. This is likely to pose an issue in your everyday life and make you avoid intimate relationships altogether. 
• Everyone is unique. While you can argue that this isn’t a valid reason, as we do live interconnected lives, deep down we’re individuals with our own sets of talents, preferences, and contributions. 

How Do You Know If Your Partner Is Competing With You?

You may have noticed some of the signs of competitive behavior in yourself.  However, what about your partner? Here are some behaviors that may indicate that your partner is competing with you: 

• They aren’t genuinely happy when you succeed. They can come across as aloof, bored, or tired. They don’t show interest in your achievements and don’t ask any questions.
• They seem resentful or even angry when you attain success. They might feel bad about themself, complain openly about their self-worth, or start to argue with you, as if you’ve done something wrong. 
• They can act frustrated if you manage to complete something on their behalf, as if you’ve intended to embarrass them.
• They are trying to “outdo” you in different areas of life, whether it’s career, hobbies, friendships, or parenthood.
• They keep a list of things you did wrong and resent you for that, quietly or openly, while taking the good things for granted or ignoring them completely. 
• They belittle your efforts and achievements. They use various strategies to discourage you, make you feel less worthy, or patronize you. They make you feel foolish for celebrating your accomplishments.   
• They make you feel guilty for your success. They can point out the things that you’ve neglected while striving to achieve your goals, paint you as self-centered, inappropriate, or even mean.  

Is Competition In A Relationship Bad?

As with anything else, you can argue that a healthy amount of competitive spirit can be used to improve your relationship in some regard. For example, you may say that your success can inspire your partner to try harder, or you can look up to your partner as a role model for their achievements. 

Apart from playful competition that you may experience in leisure activities or playing board games, there are couples that compete in many other areas. This begs the question, where do you draw the line between normal and toxic competition? Coaching and mental health advocates generally agree that there’s no place for a fully fledged rivalry in a healthy relationship.

This is especially problematic when you’re undergoing important changes in life. For example, your intimate relationship changes when kids are born. If you’re overly competitive, the parent role can become just another battlefield where you try to prove your own worth. This will often come at the expense of your kid’s wellbeing, making you struggle with intimacy. 

How Do I Stop Comparing Myself To My Partner?

Whether you’re noticing the negative signs of competition in yourself or your partner, or both, there are ways to free yourself from it. The key is to come to terms with your envy and low or inflated self-worth, whether it’s a result of unresolved conflicts with the father figure or attachment issues with your mother. 

Some of the following points can help you cope and overcome the need to compete with your partner and improve your relationship: 

• Be aware of the drawbacks of constant comparisons. As with any other bad habit, it’s useful to remind yourself of the disadvantages that come with comparing yourself. You’ll waste your time thinking about how you compare to them and begin to feel bad about yourself and start avoiding your partner. It’s essential to invest conscious effort in breaking this habit.  
• Focus on your goals and achievements. It’s useful to remind yourself of your achievements and put them into a realistic and purposeful perspective.
• Practice gratitude. Don’t belittle yourself or your partner. Try to step outside of your own thinking and show gratitude for your and your partner’s achievements. This way, you’ll learn how to make a distinction between humility and self-depreciation.
• Accept the fact that nobody is perfect. While this doesn’t mean that you need to downplay the accomplishments of others, it’s best to put them in perspective. Show appreciation without drawing comparisons to your achievements. It has nothing to do with how much you’re worth. You both have something to bring to the table.
• Use yourself as a measure for your success. It’s not fair to anyone to stick to unrealistic expectations. The only relevant “metrics” at the end of the day are your sense of well-being, the precious time you have together, and your gut feeling.
• Seek inspiration. The success of your partner doesn’t have to feel like a burden. Try to learn from them instead. Try to focus more on asking good questions and show some interest. This is why active listening is so important in every relationship. It can help you grow individually and as a couple, and you’ll find joy in discovering something new together. 

Improve Your Intimacy In Marriage Through PIVOT’s Intensive Workshops

If you’re wondering how to turn things around and break the habit of constantly questioning your self-worth, our personal advocates will gladly assist you. Whether you’re struggling with relationship addiction or facing other challenges in your emotional life, we are there to help. You can opt for one of our insightful individual coaching plans, or sign up for our experience-based retreat for couples, and more. We’ll gladly answer all of your questions, so reach out to us today!

Empathy in a relationship brings feelings of warmth and security knowing your partner understands and cares about your feelings. It’s a very powerful force, helping you and your partner become closer and more connected.

Active listening is similar in terms of the positive effects it offers and it’s closely related to empathy. In fact, there’s hardly one without the other. You can hardly understand how your partner’s feeling without actually listening to them. 

Empathy and active listening nurture your relationship and make its foundations stronger. They foster intimacy in marriage, prevent problem avoidance, and encourage positive relations. However, what can you do if your partner is simply not there yet? And what if you’re the one who finds it difficult to feel empathy in some situations? 

Why Are Empathy And Active Listening Important In A Relationship?

Empathy and active listening go hand in hand in fostering loving, caring, and happy relationships. Without it, you risk facing silence and misunderstanding in your relationship, which can slowly create a divide between you and your partner. 

However, it’s important not to confuse empathy with the absolute absence of healthy disagreements. Empathy is the ability of both parties to truly listen to each other’s standpoint, recognize and acknowledge their differences, and work with them rather than against them. 

Empathy allows you and your partner to truly understand each others’ feelings, thoughts, and points of view. It’s what deepens your connection and what ultimately brings you closer together. 

In fact, true empathy can enrich your your relationship in multiple ways: 

• It bridges the gaps: Empathetic behavior serves to improve trust and understanding between partners, which brings you closer together and makes your relationship stronger. 
• It brings attention: As you learn to truly empathize with your significant other, you’ll start being able to give them the kind of attention they need, and the same goes for you. 
• It nurtures the positive: Empathy is a positive feeling, and it can bring other positive emotions into your relationship. 
• It introduces compassion: As you begin to see the world in another perspective, you’ll start being more compassionate with your partner, deepening your connection and having a better insight into what they’re going through. 
• It fosters patience: As your relationship becomes more and more empathetic, you will find that patience will come more naturally which further nurtures positive discussions and nips potential arguments in the bud. 
• It allows improvements: Finally, empathy teaches both you and your partner that not everything revolves around you, which leaves room for improving and growing as individuals and as a couple. 

How Can Active Listening Improve Relationships?

Active listening is an essential relationship skill. It refers to a person’s, or in this case, partner’s ability to attentively listen and, more importantly, hear and understand what you’re trying to say. 

Active listening in a relationship is more than just allowing essential information to get through to you, which is why it’s so closely related to empathy. It’s, at the same time, both listening and understanding. It’s an emotional investment into your partner and one that pays off immensely: 

• It signals to your partner that you’re fully present and there for what they have to say.
• It fosters engagement and interest in your relationship.
• It allows you to receive more information about your partner, which only leads to a deeper connection. 
• Active listening fosters better communication through enhanced understanding of your partner’s non-verbal cues. 
• It allows you to better manage your emotions and allow your partner to take center stage. 
• It improves your ability to ask relevant questions that will carry the conversation forward and foster deeper emotional engagement. 
• It simply shows that you care, that you’re there, and that you want to listen to what your significant other has to say. 

How Do You Deal With A Partner That Does Not Listen?

Paradoxically, the only way to deal with a partner that doesn’t listen is to try to get them to listen, and that can be tough. The trick is to try to remain calm while trying to get your voice across, while also being persistent. 

Additionally, it’s important to know some of the reasons why your partner might struggle with active listening: 

• They have difficulty expressing their feelings and are scared to enter a deep conversation. 
• They’ve come to rely on themselves rather than the people around them, impacting their ability to actively listen. 
• They’ve faced a wall on your end on a couple of occasions, getting them to slowly shut down. 
• They’re afraid that a conversation might lead into an argument if they have an opposing opinion. 
• They feel like you’re going to judge them. 
• They just don’t know how to actively listen. 

How Do I Listen To My Partner Better?

Sometimes, it’s up to you to work on your listening skills. It can be tough. Yet, knowing and understanding there’s room for improvement is an enormous first step in becoming a better active listener and partner. 

The skills necessary for enhancing your active listening are: 

• Being completely present in the moment, in the conversation, and in the sentiment. 
• Giving appropriate non-verbal and verbal cues as your partner is talking, including nods, paraverbal connectors, and verbal assurance sounds. 
• Asking open-ended questions that show that you’re listening, that you want to extend the conversation, and that you’re interested in what the other person is saying. “Tell me more…”
• Reflecting on the content and feelings your partner is trying to express and asking for feedback on your understanding of their message. 
• Asking whether or not they would like to hear your opinion and allowing them to choose if they need assistance. 
• Offering comfort if your partner’s looking for it. 

PIVOT Workshops Help You Improve Intimacy In Your Marriage Or Relationships By Nurturing Better Listening & Empathy

From experiencing love addiction in your relationship to realizing that the passion between you and your partner might be fading, some relationship problems can be difficult to deal with. Different issues in your relationship can have a significant impact on your personality and life, and yet it seems few hit home quite as hard as not being heard. 

It’s one of our basic necessities to talk and for somebody to listen, to share and for somebody to acknowledge, and to speak and for somebody to show empathy. As important it is in our day-to-day interactions, it’s miles more important when it comes to our partner. And if your partner doesn’t listen or show they care, who will? Understanding empathy and realizing how to listen takes time, patience, and practice. At PIVOT, we facilitate that process with our well-planned couple workshops and activities, as well as through our individual coaching sessions. We’re here to listen to your problems and help you and your partner truly start listening to each other. Empathy is a skill you can learn and we’ll show you how to do it. Reach out to us today and let’s listen to each other together.

It’s normal for all of us to want to feel love, support, and empathy. You want a partner who will pay attention to you, actively listen, and be there to support you through difficult times. 

However, what happens when finding a partner becomes your sole preoccupation? What if you or your partner discover that you have an addictive personality when you’re in a relationship? On the surface, feeling strongly attached to your partner may not sound like a big deal. 

Yet, not everyone knows what love addiction actually is. In fact, at PIVOT, we use a more accurate term.  We call it attachment dysregulation. And to overcome is to learn first – what is actually attachment dysregulation and how does it manifest itself?

What Is Attachment Dysregulation?

Attachment dysregulation, as it relates to the term love addiction, refers to the feelings of euphoria and other intense emotions while either in a relationship or in pursuit of a relationship. Feeling longing when your partner’s not around or indulging their desires reflects the usual dedicated behavior in a relationship.

However, the main distinction between attachment dysregulation and regular, loving, and dedicated relationships is the innermost desire and need of one partner to be in a relationship. Only then can they feel completely and truly happy and satisfied with their lives. 

Some of the main characteristics of relationship and love addicts include: 

• Their psychological inability to be alone, i.e. without a partner by their side. 
• An unrelenting desire to start a relationship with another person.
• Becoming overbearing toward your partner for fear of the relationship ending.
• Inability to leave a toxic relationship due to fear of ending up alone and without that special someone. 

Attachment dysregulation affects the brain in similar ways as other addictions do. It makes it difficult to think about things other than your current or potential partner. You may be compelled to seek your thrill out even if it means suffering negative consequences, You may even be unable to function at your maximum capacity due to your mind being preoccupied with a feeling you identify as love. 

What Are The Signs Of Love Addiction?

The beginnings of attachment dysregulation often mimic some usual relationship patterns. Infatuation, sense of closeness, the need for frequent physical contact and sex, as well as emotional rollercoasters can describe many relationships. However, there are certain defining characteristics that, when combined, can signal attachment dysregulation. These include: 

• Repeated make-ups and break-ups with one or more partners
• Attempts at using sex to fix problems in a relationship
• Absence of personal life outside of a relationship
• Formation of identity around your relationship
• Justifying abusive and toxic patterns to remain with a partner
• Inability to willfully exit a relationship
• Committing very quickly
• Becoming dependent on your partner and overlooking their flaws and toxic traits
• Feeling of exhaustion after frequent lows and highs in your relationship without an incentive to leave
• Obsessive behavior in a relationship
• Experiencing negative emotions like lack of love and desire from your partner
• Absence of time dedicated to yourself or your friends and family
• Attempts at changing your own personality, habits, and behaviors for the sake of remaining in a relationship
• Feeling tired, irritable, insecure, confused, anxious, or depressed

What Causes Relationship Addiction?

While it may be difficult to claim what causes attachment dysregulation with a great degree of certainty, there’s a lot that points to a lack of love and support in your young life, as well as potential early-childhood abandonment. 

At its most fundamental, attachment dysregulation is an attempt to fill a void in your adult life left by the scars of your childhood and past trauma. Often, negative relationship patterns in your early childhood are usually the main cause behind later-life attachment dysregulation. 

Over time, this becomes your survival pattern due to untreated wounds from your childhood. Individuals susceptible to attachment dysregulation usually live through some upsetting events at a young age, such as:

• The divorce of your parents
• One or both parents are addicts and/or mentally ill
• Discovery that you were adopted
• Losing a parent or a sibling at an early age
• Suffering abuse during your early childhood
• Emotionally unavailable parents
• Abandonment and neglect
• Absence of parental validation

Whatever the reason, the result is an unhealthy and disconnected relationship that does you more harm than good, but that you’re also unable to leave. 

How Do You Overcome A Love Addiction?

The first and the most important thing is that if someone tells you that you are a love addict, dump that label.  What you are experiencing is attachment dysregulation, and, it doesn’t mean that change isn’t possible. It’s a signal to dig deeper, work harder, and understand you are deserving and capable of secure attachments. You would benefit from help from a certified relationship coach to gain an understanding of yourself and begin to engage in a process that is designed for YOU.  

It’s important to listen to yourself and notice your thoughts and feelings. Once you recognize your craving and desire for relationship is getting in the way of your choosing what is healthy for you, make a decision to do all you can to stop engaging in addictive patterns and break the vicious cycle. You can get help learning how to stay far away from known triggers.  Avoiding  love-oriented content, social media, dating apps, etc. for a period of time can help you begin to dissipate the anxiety caused from your unmet longing.

You can find solace, empathy, and support from your trusted friends and family. Focus on yourself for as long as it’s necessary until you start seeing first fruits of your labor. And remember to take it slow and be gentle with yourself – you deserve it. 

PIVOT Supports You In Overcoming Your Love Addiction In Your Relationship

Relationship problems come in all shapes and forms, from not receiving enough empathy and attention from your loved one to struggling to rekindle your passion. Attachment dysregulation is also one of the frequent issues. Experiencing it can be very difficult for both you and your partner. It can lead to long-term relationship issues that could be difficult to resolve. 

However, know that it’s not the end of the road for your relationship and that it’s entirely possible to overcome your addictive behavior. While not easy, as few matters of the heart and mind are, it’s certainly achievable. It’s similar to finding love again after your breakup. It seems impossible, yet it isn’t, especially with guidance from experienced and empathetic advocates. PIVOT is here to help you find balance in your life and relationship again. Our team of caring advocates will help you understand the reasons behind your addiction and be there as you’re overcoming it. Our couple retreat could do the trick for you and your partner, or or you’d rather attend individual workshops for working on your problems. Call us today and let’s overcome your issues together.

Becoming a parent is one of the most formative and influential moments in a person’s life. It’s a cause for great joy as your family grows and the love you share multiplies. However, the changes that come with such a big milestone can also put a strain on your marriage.

Staying happy in your relationship will help you be better parents and more fulfilled individuals altogether. This is why it’s important to learn how having a child may affect you and what you can do to keep your relationship strong. For example, if you realize that you and your partner are growing apart because of the stress you’re under, you can improve intimacy in your marriage by attending an intensive workshop.

How Does Having A Child Affect Your Relationship?

Having a baby can be very taxing on the parents, especially the mother. The mother’s body goes through enormous changes during pregnancy and childbirth. Mothers also face higher expectations and harsher scrutiny when it comes to how they care for their babies. They’re often expected to do most of the work all while grappling with the profound impact of the experience. 

Fathers also experience changes, like sleepless nights and having less of their partner to themselves. Even if they had a strong and loving father figure growing up, they may have a hard time adjusting to this new and unfamiliar role. 

During the baby’s first months, both partners are usually tired from a lack of sleep and anxious about whether they’re doing things right. This can generate a lot of friction between them, as they can get irritable and on edge. They may start fighting over the pettiest things and even become resentful toward each other.

Since all of their focus is on the baby and the demands of parenthood are intense, couples generally dedicate little energy to their relationship during this time. This means that passion and romance will likely take the back seat, and the relationship may suffer.

Why Do Some Relationships Fail After Having A Baby?

The pressures of parenthood tend to magnify the severity of any problem the couple had before becoming parents. If their relationship had already been strained to begin with, the new circumstances could damage it irreparably. 

For example, it’s common for women in heterosexual relationships to take on the bulk of the housework. This may be manageable for the woman before the arrival of the baby and it may not seem that serious. However, with a new addition to the family, women are often also expected to be the main caregivers. This puts them under a tremendous amount of pressure and they look to their husbands for support. 

If the man isn’t willing to change and share the responsibilities more equally, the woman will likely feel underappreciated and disappointed. The man, on the other hand, could feel like he didn’t agree to the new responsibilities that are being imposed on him. This could cause constant bickering and lead to the end of the relationship.

Because this huge change tends to bring out the negative aspects of the relationship, it’s important to be on the same page before you decide to become parents. Your bond needs to be strong enough to withstand the pressures that are probably coming your way. It’s also important to continue working on the relationship after the baby is born. 

How Does Having Children Strengthen Your Relationship?

While the negative aspects are talked about more often, having a baby can actually change your relationship for the better. Here’s how:

• You’ll have fewer moments just for the two of you, so you’ll appreciate your time together much more.
• By bonding over your shared experience, you’ll become even closer.
• You’ll develop even more respect for each other seeing how your partner handles their parental duties.
• Because you’ll need each other’s support more than ever, you’ll be grateful for being on the same team.
• Children teach you how to give selflessly and you can also become a better partner because of it.
• Caring for a child helps you develop empathy, which can also be a positive force in your relationship.
• You may encounter difficulties and find healthy ways to overcome them together, helping your marriage thrive.

How Do You Maintain A Relationship After Having A Baby?

Healthy relationships take work. Putting conscious effort into your marriage is even more important after having children. All relationships have ups and downs, and it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. 

However, if you don’t lose sight of what really matters, you have excellent chances of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection for years to come.  

Here are some things you can do to make sure your relationship continues to flourish:

• Listen to your partner: Active listening and empathy can help you understand their needs better and meet them more effectively. 
• Be vocal about your needs: Be honest about your feelings. Tell your partner how they could help and ask them if you could do anything to make things easier on them.
• Take a step back before you start a fight: Stress makes everyone irritable and it can  provoke hurtful arguments. Try to cool off and talk about it when you’re both calmer.
• Make time for the two of you: Ask someone to babysit so you can have some time together to talk and decompress. READ that again!  It is hard to leave a newborn behind however, if you have trusted friends and/or family, ask them to help.  Even if it is for one hour so you and your beloved can talk a walk alone.

How Do I Get In Touch With A Qualified Remote Relationship Coach?

If you’re looking for quality relationship coaching, PIVOT provides sessions for individuals looking for self-improvement as well as couples who need to reconnect and enhance their bond. If you wish to work on your relationship after having a baby, learn coping mechanisms to deal with your love addiction, or need techniques to stop comparing yourself to your partner, give us a call. Our trained team will welcome you and guide you through the healing process.

A mother-child bond is one of the closest and tenderest connections two people could share. If it’s healthy, it brings the mother ultimate, life-long happiness and provides the child with stable emotional foundations. However, when it’s dysfunctional, it can do a lot of harm and have far-reaching effects on the child’s adult life. 

A person who had a troubled relationship with their mother is sometimes described as having ‘mommy issues’. Their childhood hurt can have a huge impact on their other relationships. This is why it’s important to understand what these issues are, how they can influence you, and how you can recover from them by working with a relationship coach online. 

What Are Mommy Issues?

Mental health professionals rarely use the term ‘mommy issues’ because it’s not a recognized condition. However, the phrase is often used casually, in everyday conversations and all over social media. What people mean by it is actually that the person has an unhealthy attachment style that comes from a dysfunctional childhood relationship with their mother. While it’s mostly used to describe men, women can also struggle with similar problems.

What Can Give You Mommy Issues?

‘Mommy issues’ are caused by a lack of a loving and supportive mother figure during childhood. There are different scenarios that could happen, like:

• Your mother may have been absent or emotionally unavailable, which can make you desperate for affection and possessive of your partner. These mothers withheld their love and support, so their children fear the same happening in their adult relationships.
• If a mother is overbearing, harsh, and demanding, her child may harbor a deep-seated resentment or even hatred for women. They may also avoid commitment, like getting married and having children. These mothers criticize and punish without providing the environment of love and respect that a child needs to thrive.
• Some mothers encourage their child’s narcissism and selfishness. They give excessive praise and instill in them a distrust of others, creating a sense of ‘you and me against the world’. This can lead to unhealthy idolization of the mother. These men are typically overly attached to their mothers and critical to other women in their lives.

What Are The Signs Of Mommy Issues?

Here are some behavioral patterns someone with ‘mommy issues’ might have:

• Mommy’s boy: Men that are commonly said to have ‘mommy issues’ often let their mothers run their lives. Although they’re adults, their mothers have a say in everything they do and wield a powerful influence over their decisions. These men lack independence and agency, and subscribe to the belief that ‘mother knows best’. When they have a problem, they may go to their mother rather than their partner.
• Impossible expectations of women: Men who’ve had an overbearing mother growing up often idolize her. If they consider their mother to be the embodiment of perfection, they may feel like no woman can hold a candle to her. This can create a lot of friction in their romantic relationships because their partners can’t live up to these expectations.
• Trust issues: Being a son of an emotionally distant or absent mother means that you may have trouble opening up and trusting women. They may have abandonment issues, which tend to make them needy, clingy, and jealous.
• No respect for women: Some men resent their controlling, emotionally cold, or absent mothers. Because of this, they may harbor anger toward all women. Their pent-up rage and frustration may then come out in their romantic relationships. For example, they may snap easily or be pathologically possessive.
• Sense of entitlement: Some mothers idealize their sons to the point of imbuing them with egotism and selfishness. They’re raised to feel like no woman is ever good enough for them. Unsurprisingly, this gives rise to problems in their romantic life. For example, they may compete with their partner or be overly critical of them.

How Do Mommy Issues Affect Relationships?

Depending on the kind of dysfunctionality the person has experienced growing up, their ‘mommy issues’ may have different effects on their adult relationships. Here are some possibilities:

• Fearing and avoiding commitment. 
• Being emotionally distant and aloof.
• Having trouble showing feelings.
• Being disrespectful to women.
• Seeking their mother’s approval before making any decision.
• Taking their mother’s side.
• Seeking partners who resemble their mother in some way.
• Acting entitled and spoiled.
• Being overly critical of their partner.
• Being extremely sensitive to criticism. 
• Looking for constant approval and reassurance.

How Do I Get Over Mommy Issues?

Getting over your early emotional trauma is possible. A trained relationship coach can guide you through the process as well as help you heal and learn from the experience. There are several steps you can take, such as:

• Pinpoint the issue: Becoming aware of your unhealthy patterns and how they affect your relationships is the first step. You may wish to work on becoming more independent from your mother, opening up emotionally, or being more forgiving to your partner. Once you figure out the areas you want to work on, you can start delving deeper into the root causes of your problems.
• Uncover the causes: To adopt healthier patterns, it’s important to understand what led you to dysfunctional behavior. You’ll need to recall your past experiences and identify what contributed to the way things are right now. Walking through this process with a PIVOT coach can be incredibly helpful. 
• Make your peace: If your relationship with your mother is the cause of your struggles, forgiving her and accepting the reality of things may be one part of your healing process. It’s also crucial to forgive yourself and, if you feel the need, make amends to the people you may have wronged due to your problems.

Where Can I Find A Comfortable Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals?

Your early experiences shape your behavior all throughout life. If they were hurtful, they may have opened the door to dysfunction. However, you can fight the effects of your troubled relationship with your father, your ongoing addiction to falling in love, or your lack of empathy and listening skills. 

PIVOT offers a program of individual workshops that will cater to your needs as well as custom couples retreats that help you work on your relationship. Our relationship advocates will teach you how to overcome your difficulties and change for the better. Reach out to us to get support on your journey!

While it’s not a term generally used by mental health professionals, ‘daddy issues’ often come up when talking about a woman’s attitude to men. You’ll hear people use the phrase to describe how a woman’s attachment to her father affects her self-image and her relationships with other men. Unfortunately, it’s often thrown around too casually or even used to denigrate a woman without showing any sympathy or understanding of the complex issue of parent-child attachment.

To get a better insight into what’s usually called ‘daddy issues’, it’s important to understand what behavioral patterns people label this way and how to recognize them in yourself and others. Then, you can learn how to overcome them with the help of a relationship coach.

What Does It Mean To Have Daddy Issues?

People generally use the phrase ‘daddy issues’ to talk about a woman who has an unhealthy relationship to father figures in her life. It implies that she has trouble establishing healthy, secure connections with men because of her dysfunctional bond to her father. While the term isn’t typically used by professionals, it has a lot to do with the concept of attachment styles, which psychologists use to explain a person’s early connection to their parents and its effects on their adult lives.

For example, your father may have been distant, not providing the necessary emotional support and nurturing, or he may have been absent altogether. This could create an anxious attachment style, where the person is insecure and fears abandonment. You may then seek the affection of a father-type figure who will protect you like a parent would. Alternatively, you may have grown up idealizing your father because you were his favorite, so you unconsciously replicate a kind of father-daughter dynamic in your romantic relationships.

How Do I Know If I Have Daddy Issues?

Someone who could be considered to have ‘daddy issues’ may exhibit certain behavioral patterns, such as:

• You fall in love with much older men: If you didn’t have a loving, trustworthy father figure growing up, you may feel like older men provide the protection and security you crave. You may prefer them to younger men because of their experience, financial success, and stable lifestyle.
• You’re a people pleaser: People with childhood wounds often struggle with deep-seated insecurity. As children, they didn’t establish a strong connection with one of their parents, so they’re anxious about affection being withheld from them. This is why they may tend to be more agreeable and pliable, doing everything they can do to keep their partner by their side.
• You’re overly needy in relationships: You may be scared of being ignored or abandoned because that’s the kind of experience you’ve had with your father. These feelings could make you jealous, possessive, and clingy in your romantic relationships. For example, you may constantly check on your partner and suspect them of cheating even though there’s no reason for it.
• You need constant reminders that you’re loved: Seeking reassurance is another sign that you developed anxious attachment in your childhood. No matter how much affection you receive, it doesn’t seem to be enough. For example, no matter how hard your partner tries, you may feel like they don’t give you enough compliments, spend enough time with you, or tell you they love you often enough.
• You’re stuck in a pattern of abusive relationships: People are generally attracted to what they know. If your father was abusive to you or your mother while you were growing up, you may gravitate toward similarly abusive men. Because you didn’t get the chance to mend your dysfunctional relationship with your dad, you may be desperately trying to change your partner. Predatory men often seek out women with ‘daddy issues’ on purpose because they consider them easy prey.
• You use sex as currency: Because your unhealthy relationship with your father left you with little confidence, you may be intensely scared of your partner leaving. Some people in this situation feel like they need to use sex to keep their partner interested. 
• You can’t be single: If your father abandoned you as a child, being alone may give you anxiety. You may enter relationships with incompatible partners, just so you’re with someone. 

Do Some Men Have Daddy Issues?

Although it’s not usually talked about, the absence of a loving and supportive father figure during childhood can affect men just as much as it affects women. Whether the father was out of the picture, abusive, or too controlling, dysfunctional father-son relationships leave a mark. 

Here’s how a man with ‘daddy issues’ may act:

• He has pent-up anger. A man who was abandoned or neglected by his father may have a lot of hidden anger that emerges in seemingly benign situations, like a petty disagreement with his partner.
• He has commitment issues: He may be reluctant to take further steps in a relationship because he hasn’t had a positive example of a man taking responsibility. 
• He has difficulty expressing his emotions: If he’s uncomfortable sharing his feelings and opening up, it may be due to his unresolved problems with his father. 
• He can’t bond with other men: He may distrust other men, especially older, father-like figures or those who are in a position of authority.

How To Heal Your Daddy Issues?

Childhood trauma may reverberate throughout your life if you don’t address it. Here’s what you can do to overcome your ‘daddy issues’:

• Acknowledge the problem: Start by recognizing the problem and how it plays out in your relationships. Once you’re aware of your unhealthy patterns, you can start working on getting over them. 
• Stop blaming yourself: ‘Daddy issues’ is often used as a disparaging term to belittle a woman. People often use it lightly and even jokingly. However, the truth is these women deserve understanding and empathy. They were failed by their fathers and their struggles are not their own fault. 
• Move past it: It’s perfectly normal to grieve over not having an adequate father figure in your life. It’s all part of the process of letting go and adopting healthier behavioral patterns. This is something that you can accomplish by working with a reliable relationship coach.

Where Do I Sign Up For Helpful Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection?

Your relationship with your parents defines your life in a major way. If it’s had a negative impact, you can turn things around by signing up for one of our eye-opening individual coaching programs. If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship because of your or your partner’s childhood trauma, our helpful retreat for couples is an excellent option. 

We address a wide range of issues, so we’re the right choice if you want to recover from your dysfunctional relationship with your mother, stop toxic competition with your partner, learn how to listen more effectively, or break unhealthy patterns of love addiction. Let’s make the first step together!