Lori Jean Glass

Understanding Relationship Separation

Posted on May 30, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

There are numerous reasons why becoming separated from your partner and dissolving your marriage or your relationship is stressful and emotionally draining. Relationship separation seems like the end, and that’s exactly what makes it so difficult to deal with. It’s not easy arriving at the end of the road with your partner.

From there, you’ll have to deal with uncertainty about your future, as well as potential emotional intimacy issues in your future relationships if the separation remains permanent. And, these are just some of the hard-to-withstand emotions that stem from the point of separation.

Even if you’re the one pushing for separation, you could still be grieving the breakdown of your relationship and feeling apprehensive about the future. Often the person who decides to leave the relatioship is thought of as not having any grief or sadness. When a relatioshipi is unhealthy and someone needs to separate, it is not easy being the one who finally makes the decision to choose to go.

However, relationships can often be salvageable. If you and your partner are willing to work through your separation at a couples relationship intensive, you might be able to resolve your differences and get back on the right path. If not, there are healthy ways to move on.

What Does Separation Mean In A Relationship?

In a relationship, separation means that you’re taking a break, which may lead to a reconciliation or to a full-on breakup. It means that you and your partner aren’t currently involved romantically or physically, and that you’re taking the time to sort your own stuff out and think about your relationship.

Either you, or your partner, or both of you are unable to remain fully committed to the current state of your relationship and you’re looking for a way to distance yourself from the situation you’re in.

Separation in relationships may not be final. However, it may be a step toward a breakup or divorce.

Becoming separated can be just as emotionally draining and damaging as breaking up with your partner or getting a divorce from your spouse. This is often a very difficult time for both partners. It doesn’t matter if you or your partner is the one who suggested you go down this road, the consequences can be severe either way. However, it can also be a form of emotional respite, which will give you a fresh perspective on your relationship.

What Are The Things To Consider Before Separating?

Sometimes, only one person wants to separate. It can be as simple as your partner telling you they wish to consider other options. Or they may want a longer break from the emotional turmoil that has become your relationship.

You may be the one who’d like to take a break from the relationship. Maybe you’re tired of being in charge of keeping your deteriorating relationship together and want to get some distance. If you’re thinking about separating from your partner, consider your options before you make a decision.

6 Things To Consider Before Separation

Relationship separation is not a small step. In fact, even if you think it’s the best thing for your mental health, know that there are going to be emotional consequences and that you’re going to have to deal with a lot after you decide to get separated from your partner.

Its important to make certain considerations before you actually say you want to separate. Look at it as creating an emotional perseverance mechanism that will protect both you and your partner during this difficult time.

Understand Why You’re Going

OK, you’ve had enough and you can’t take it anymore. Or you simply want something in your relationship to change and give both yourself and your partner some time to work things out and find a better way to show your affection.

Whatever your reason for wanting a separation, you have to be honest about it, first with yourself, and then with your partner. Knowing the reason why will make it easier for you to put things into perspective, and doing the same for your partner will help them make peace with your decision.

Know Where You’re Going

Knowing why you want to separate and what your plan is for after the separation helps a lot. This is particularly essential if you’ve been living with your partner since your routine will change.

Are you going to move out or is your partner? If you’re moving out, where are you going to go? Do you have a friend or a relative who can take you in until you sort things out, or have you already planned your new residence? As pragmatic as it seems and perhaps detached from emotions, you need a roof over your head and that’s something youneed to prepare for.

Talk Everything Through

It all boils down to this, doesn’t it? No matter what the situation in your relationship and no matter what problems you have, it’s best to actually sit down and explain your decision to separate.

Imagine being in your partner’s shoes. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what the reasons for such a decision are? Being honest is good, and telling your partner exactly why you don’t want to be in the relationship for the time being can help both you and them start the next chapter in your lives on the right foot.

Set The Rules

Setting the rules and boundaries during your relationship separation is very important. This way, both you and your partner will know how you can behave and what your separation will look like. This way, you’ll give yourself the time to distance yourself from your partner and actually figure out what you want to do from there. The same goes for your significant other, as they’ll also get a chance to see what they want from the relationship and if they want something at all. So, set the rules, set the boundaries, and understand it’s for the benefit of the both of you.

Be Gentle

If you’re the one instigating the separation, remember to be gentle, especially if your partner is trying their best and they haven’t been abusive or violent. Going through a separation is hard for you, and just imagine how it’s going to be for your unsuspecting partner. So remember to be kind and gentle and to put your thoughts and feelings across mildly. There’s no reason to make it more difficult for anyone.

Be Open To All Emotions

Even if you’re the one deciding to initiate the separation process in your relationship, you’ll still likely go through emotional turmoil. Even if this is something you wanted to do, it’s expected to feel negative emotions as well.

Open yourself to all of your emotions and they’ll show you the way. Who knows, maybe you’ll start missing your partner and start the process of reconciliation, or you’ll realize what else you want from life and go down that road. Acknowledge your feelings and let them guide you.

What Are The Emotional Stages Of Separation?

On the other hand, if your partner starts talking about a separation, prepare for an onslaught of all the different kinds of emotions. At first, it’s easy to get completely overwhelmed with the situation and to fall into a downward spiral. You’ll probably experience separation anxiety and a whole range of negative emotions before you find your feet again.

However, there are healthy ways to deal with the news. You can accept this as another opportunity for growth and a chance to see your relationship with fresh eyes.

7 Stages Of Separation

Although our emotional reactions are highly individual, there are some stages that most individuals go through after their unwilling and unexpected relationship separation. All in all, there are seven stages of separation:

Denial

When a relationship steps into separation, it’s easy to feel denial in the beginning. After all, your relationship as you know it is ending which is highly unpleasant, and you may not want it to be true.

Anger

Once you do realize that you’re actually going to become separated from your partner, it’s usually time to start experiencing anger. Anger because of the situation, because of your partner abandoning you, or because of any other reason you find important.

Guilt

Once anger subsides, you’ll likely calm down and start thinking about all the things you might have done wrong and begin feeling guilty for the separation. Know that there are two people in your relationship and that in most cases, both people contribute to the challenges.

Fear

The deeper your realization of your separation sinks in, the more afraid you might become of being alone and perhaps being unable to find a partner again if your separation becomes permanent. Face your fears, understand that separation is not the end, and even if it is, it’s not the end of your happiness.

Grief

As the separation continues, you’ll likely become sad and overwhelmed by the entire situation. This is perfectly normal. However, know that you’re nearing the end of your separation period and that brighter days are ahead of you.

Re-invention

This is the point when you’re starting to think more clearly and when you’re actually starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After walking through the valley of uncertainty and fear, you’re finally opening your eyes to the possibilities surrounding you.

Acceptance

Finally, there comes a time when you accept your situation, pick yourself up, hold your head up high and move on with your life. For some, acceptance may come sooner, for others it may come later. The important thing is that it will come, just you wait for it.

PIVOT’s Here To Help You Understand Relationship Separation & Emotional Stages Of Separation

Separation hurts, even if the relationship or the marriage was not emotionally fulfilling. First, any kind of separation causes a whirlwind of various emotions that you first have to deal with before learning how to actually cope with your separation and finding ways to recover from all the separation-induced resentment.

Long story short, breaking up is rarely a pretty sight and an easy endeavor, and separating from your partner will take a toll on your life. However, what’s important to know is that it’s not the end and that you’ll start feeling satisfied again. If you notice you’re struggling to get there, you can rely on the professionals at PIVOT for assistance.

We have assembled a team of caring, empathetic, and experienced relationship advocates who can help you deal with the aftermath of your separation at our individual workshops or maybe help you and your partner find common ground again at our couple retreat. Whatever your choice is, know that we’ll do everything in our power to help you.

Emotional Trauma: How You Can Cope

Posted on May 30, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

Trauma often refers to an overwhelming experience or an emotionally draining event, one that leaves a lasting impression on a person. There are different types of trauma a person can experience, including childhood, developmental, bonding, emotional, and many others. The one thing that connects them all is the feelings they plant deep within us.

Trauma, no matter its type, can cause intense anxiety and stress and it can leave a long-term substantial impact on our wellbeing and our quality of life. This makes it essential to understand what trauma is, what causes it, where and when it originates, and, most importantly, what you can do to heal and overcome it.

What’s more, not talking about and seeking help for your trauma can lead to developing varied emotional intimacy issues later on in your life, such as avoidance and insecurity, making it even more important to understand what trauma is and to do your best to resolve them.

What Is Emotional Trauma?

Psychological and emotional trauma is the result of experiences or events that leave us with the feelings leading to a deep lack of safety, protection, and often helplessness. This kind of trauma can shatter your sense of security leaving you unable to successfully cope with the turmoil that ensues.

Another aspect of emotional trauma is the repetitive nature of the events that caused it. The memories can replay over and over again, causing feelings of numbness, disconnection, anxiety, as well as the potential for trust issues toward other people.

And, the old trauma wound can get activated when you experience a situation that brings about the same feelings that were planted deep within us.

Physical symptoms often accompany psychological ones after sustaining trauma. Individuals can experience nightmares, chronic insomnia, general physical unease, as well as an array of other unique symptoms. Emotional trauma creates an all-encompassing problem that can alter an individual’s entire outlook on life for very long periods of time if left untreated.

What Causes Trauma?

The first thing that’s important to note is that any experience or event that causes intense or extreme negative emotions can lead to a complex trauma developing. There’s no prerequisite that a person has to be involved in the event themselves. Merely witnessing, hearing, or watching a disturbing event can trigger emotional trauma.

Traumatic events are entirely based around your subjective emotional reaction to a distressing experience. There’s no single definition of which events can and which ones cannot lead to its development. That’s what makes it very difficult to name all the different causes for it.

3 Causes Of Trauma

Even if it’s extremely difficult to precisely determine and list all the potential causes, looking into some of the most common ones can speed up healing and help in overcoming traumatic experiences. There are three main triggers:

One-Time Events

This category of trauma triggers refers to typically events that happen only once and left significant emotional scarring. What they have in common is that they cause a strong emotional response. Some of such events are:

Violent attacks
Serious injuries
Severe accidents
Natural disasters

Relentless Stress

Ongoing and severe stress you experience on a daily basis can easily cause trauma. However, it can be easy to confuse constant stress with stress all of us feel at one point or another in our lives, mostly due to a tough day at the office or an unexpected change of plans. Constant stress, however, stems from events such as:

Living in a neighborhood ridden with crime
Battling an illness threatening to take your life
Experiencing long-time traumatic events such as childhood neglect, abandonment, domestic violence, or bullying

Overlooked Causes

There are also some causes that people often ignore. However, this doesn’t diminish their significance or potential for emotional turmoil. They’re just as serious as one-time traumatic events and relentless stress, causing equally serious consequences. This refers to:

Surgery
Sudden death of a loved one
Dissolution of a marriage or relationship
Deeply humiliating and disappointing experience

What Are The Symptoms Of Emotional Trauma?

Many people experience both strong emotional and physical reactions after going through a traumatic event. In the majority of cases, negative feelings slowly dissipate across the span of a few days or a week. However, you may continue experiencing adverse symptoms, which creates long-lasting difficulties.

The symptoms are just as diverse as the causes, making it difficult to list all of the psychological and physical manifestations of traumatic events. However, it’s possible to name the most common ones that individuals have trouble with:

Mood swings
Feeling confused and disoriented
Having trouble concentrating
Having flashbacks to the traumatic event
Having nightmares
Thinking about the event all the time

Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
Withdrawing from others
Avoiding places and activities that trigger memories about the event

Some people’s reactions may be so severe that they start having panic attacks, intense bouts of anxiety, fits of anger, escape into addictions or self destructive behavior, episodes of deep depression and overwhelming fear.

What Are The Causes Of Childhood Trauma?

Traumatic events can happen to anyone at any age and at any time, making trauma a very common occurrence. However, a person is most likely to experience trauma as a grown up if they’ve also experienced traumatic events during their formative years.

This is why it’s important to have a sense of understanding of what causes childhood trauma and attempt to detect whether an individual has sustained such an event in their early years. Most of the causes of childhood trauma are similar to causes of later-life trauma. However, there are some additional factors to consider as well, such as:

Parental and emotional neglect
Domestic violence between the parents
Verbal, physical, and sexual abuse
Intrusive medical procedures at a young age
Serious illness
Parents’ divorce
Caregivers abandonment and/or death
Unsafe or unstable environment
War
Kidnapping

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma?

Overcoming, recovering from, and healing from emotional trauma can be very difficult. Also, it requires a conscious effort and a true desire to deal with the traumatic experience. The last point is crucial, as not everyone’s ready to go back to a traumatic point of their lives and face the very thing that’s caused them so many problems.

4 Ways To Recover From Emotional Trauma

However, where there’s a desire to recover, there’s also a way to heal the wounds and get back on your feet again. However, remember that the road to recovery is long and hard and that it’ll probably take you through several steps, like:

Support Acceptance

First and foremost, remember to admit your traumatic experiences and accept all the love and support your closest friends and family have for your and your situation. While you can choose to heal alone, you may find you need the emotional support of others, so embrace it. This can help you through the rough patches. Accept the help and love from those who care about you.

Finding Help

Not all methods work for all people, so it’s important to find the type of professional help that works for you. Some individuals attend group therapy, as it helps them to share their experiences and hear the experiences of others, while others prefer individual sessions with an experienced person.

Connecting

Try not to shy away from other people and retreat into yourself. Instead, when you think you’re strong enough, go out and connect with others. And you don’t even have to talk about your trauma, just talk to your friends and family and other people close to you. Shutting down is not helpful on a journey to healing. Use discernment on who is safe for you to be around. Using the PIVOT circle boundaries is extremely helpful in this situation.

Taking Breaks

Finally, remember not to push yourself. If you get tired of trying to heal, take a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t overwork yourself. Listen to your body, your heart, and your mind. If you notice you’re getting tired of your journey, take a break and focus on something else before returning to it.

PIVOT Helps Detect, Resolve & Overcome Emotional And Childhood Traumas And Deal With Emotional Intimacy Issues

Dealing with emotional, childhood, and relationship trauma is incredibly hard and it’s one of life’s most difficult experiences, right alongside dealing with the burden of relationship or marriage separation and making the difficult decision to go through with your divorce. When love hits hard, it hits the hardest.

However, where there are numerous ways to cope with your divorce and where there’s ample opportunity to recover from your relationship resentment, there’s also a way to deal with your emotional and childhood traumas successfully. All you might need is a gentle nudge in the right direction.

This is what PIVOT can help you with. Our expert relationship advocates are here to assist you deal with the emotional turmoil with our individual workshops, or grant you another chance of delving deeper into joint emotions with your partner at our couple workshops. Reach out to us today and know that we’re here for you!

How To Recover From After-Divorce Resentment

Posted on May 16, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

Divorce is a huge and often traumatic shift in a person’s life. It usually feels disorienting, confusing, and deeply hurtful. The feelings left behind after your divorce can range from relief to deep-seated anger toward your ex.

Whether the divorce was prompted by their ex’s infidelity, emotional and/or physical neglect, or the proceedings got messy, many people find it hard to come to terms with a betrayal from someone they trusted. This is why resentment is often a natural part of healing after divorce.

If you’re looking for a way to overcome this grudge or wish to discuss other relationship problems and solutions, you can do it in an intensive program for individuals. You can also read on to find out more about healing from divorce trauma and facilitating recovery.

Why Do I Resent My Ex?

Loving someone means trusting them with your most vulnerable side. When you committed to a life together, you decided that they were worthy of an enormous degree of trust. Having this trust broken can easily shake you to the core. Their betrayal can give rise to a variety of negative emotions, like resentment, rage, and even hate.

While this is perfectly normal in the early stages of grieving after your divorce, if these hurtful feelings linger, they can prevent you from moving on. If you let them get the better of you, they can keep you stuck in a loop and be a constant source of unhappiness. This is why it’s important to work through them, heal from divorce trauma, and achieve a full emotional recovery.

How Do I Deal With Resentment After Divorce?

Getting over your resentment can be a long-lasting process that takes patience and perseverance. Here are some of the steps that may help you to enter a new, healthier phase of your life:

Recognize it: The first step to overcoming your anger is to admit to yourself that it’s there. Sometimes, people are far removed from their anger because they were taught to suppress it. However, it can be acknowledged and channeled in a healthy way. You’re entitled to feel angry if someone you loved disrespected you, lied to you, or mistreated you in a different way.
Find an outlet: While taking out your rage on your ex would probably be your first choice, this wouldn’t solve the problem because your relationship is already irreparably damaged. It could also put you in a precarious position and give them even more power over you. Instead, you need an outlet that lets you focus on your own feelings. For example, you can keep a journal or talk to a relationship coach who’ll help you survive divorce emotionally.
Accept support: It’s fine if you need some time to yourself to reflect. However, don’t reject the support of loved ones if they’re offering it, and don’t shy away from asking for help when you need it. Having a strong support network and someone to talk to can help you heal.
Look at the facts: Try to take a step back and evaluate the situation with a clear head. While it is difficult to think rationally when you’re overcome with a variety of emotions, attempting this can give you important insight. Your loved ones may help you see things from a different, more rational perspective.
Welcome the future: It’s tempting to go over your marriage in your head, thinking of all the things they could’ve done differently. However, it’s much healthier to let go of the past, accept things the way they are, and take it from there. You’ll realize that there’s a lot to look forward to.

Does Resentment Lead to Divorce?

Harboring resentment toward your spouse can put a strain on your marriage. If you let this negative feeling fester and don’t find a healthy mechanism to deal with it, your marriage may reach a breaking point and end in divorce.

There are many reasons why someone may feel resentful toward their partner, such as:

Having an unequal power balance, with one person wanting to have the upper hand
Feeling unappreciated and taken for granted by your partner
Keeping things from each other and being distrustful of one another
Having unrealistic expectations of your partner and feeling disappointed when they don’t meet them
Not being able to get through to the other person and not feeling heard or understood

Sweeping problems under the rug and wishing they’ll go away on their own is what many people do in the face of difficulty. However, this is an ineffective strategy that tends to make people even angrier over time. This is why it’s advisable to tackle the issue directly. The support of a trained relationship coach can help you work it out.

How Can You Forgive Your Ex?

Forgiveness takes time and it’s an ongoing process. However, it is possible to recover from your divorce trauma and learn from the experience. Here are a few steps that could help you find the strength to forgive:

Think about what’s preventing you from forgiving your ex. Processing these feelings will probably require time.
Try to understand their perspective: Even though you got hurt, trying to empathize with your ex and understand their point of view may help you let go of your anger.
Focus on self-care. Prioritize your comfort and well-being during your recovery process as best as you can.
Avoid dwelling on the bad: Try to focus on the good times you had together and how, for a while, you had a fulfilling relationship.
Express gratitude: Although counting your blessings may seem like a cliche, it can help you acknowledge what you have and diminish your feelings of resentment.

Can You Reconcile After Divorce?

Many people have the urge to run back to their ex while they’re feeling vulnerable in the early post-divorce stages. However, resurrecting an unhealthy relationship just because it feels familiar doesn’t typically lead to lasting happiness. On the other hand, some people get back together after divorce and make the relationship work in the long run. The reconciliation can give rise to a healthy, functional relationship if you work through the issues that led to the divorce in the first place.

Who Can Help Individuals Go Through Their Divorce Emotional Process And Overcome Resentment?

If you feel like you’re heading toward divorce, couples can understand each other better by taking part in a PIVOT retreat. If you’re going through a crisis because you’re trying to cope with the effects of your divorce, our individual coaching sessions can help you realize your potential and put you on a path of self-actualization. Our curriculum will teach you how to live a more authentic and more fulfilling life. Contact us right now to start a journey of self-discovery!

How To Cope With Divorce: Overcoming Challenges & Accepting Change

Posted on May 16, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

Parting ways with your significant other after a hard time can be a daunting and traumatic stage of your life. You may feel like the very foundation of what you deemed the most stable aspect of your life has been shaken to the ground. However, for some people, it may be just a culmination of a dysfunctional and mismatched relationship and therefore a relief, and an entrance to a period of personal recovery.

Sometimes, it may be necessary to go in stages in order to accept the fact that you’re no longer married. Of course, leaving an unhealthy relationship sometimes requires professional guidance in order to gaining a significant amount of insight into your pattern of attachment, love addiction, and coping strategies. Read on to find out how to cope and overcome

Can Divorce Be Considered Traumatic?

While traumatic experiences are usually associated with drastic negative changes in the environment, divorce can bear some similarities with trauma for one of both partners, due to several reasons:

It often comes unexpected, without clear warning signs for one of the partners
You can feel powerless and shocked, as you put utmost trust in your relationship
You may feel betrayed by your significant other, especially if there was an affair
It can be a painful, confusing, and emotionally hurtful experience, especially if your partner left you in an intentionally cruel way

It is also worth noting that divorce can be traumatic for the divorcees and their children. At this stage, whether the parents divorce during their early childhood or teenage years, it may create a traumatic experience that will follow them well into adulthood.

What Is Lost Through Divorce?

Every case of severe stress or trauma includes some sense of loss. The process of overcoming trauma usually involves grieving. Some studies even use a dramatic notion of “death of marriage”, to emphasize the grief that comes after divorce. This is no wonder, as many aspects of the life you used to have together is now lost, including:

Your ally in everyday activities
Your companion in parental duties
Your support in your career achievements
Your partner in household tasks
Your aid in times of hardship
Your closest friend and roommate
Your sexual and emotional partner
Your audience for inside jokes

What Are The Stages of Recovery After Divorce?

As with any other overwhelming experience that demands in-depth processing, you are likely to go through the following:

Encountering the Event

When you encounter the fact that your marriage has ended, it can be very difficult to grasp. Many people find themselves in a state of shock. The main question you may try to answer is “What happened?”. And, more importantly, “What does it mean?” and “Why did it happen?”

Denial

While you may be prone to see denial as purely negative, it does serve an important purpose: it buys you precious time until you’re completely ready to appreciate the gravity of your situation. If it lasts for a short period of time, it doesn’t have to be unhealthy. However, if you get stuck in denial about your divorce trauma, you’re likely to have unfinished business to complete later.

Anger

Once you realize the gravity of the situation, you may start to feel angry with yourself, your ex, or other people. Acknowledging these feelings and working around them does serve a purpose in recovery. While it’s only natural to go through the angry phase, it’s important to control open outbursts and avoid angry behavior towards your ex-spouse, children, or anyone else involved.

Sadness

A temporary depressive state is a normal part of the recovery process. Grieving the loss and remembering the good aspects of your marriage is a good way to process this sadness. However, it may become problematic if you get stuck in this stage and if not resolved or addressed properly. If not addressed properly, it may develop into a fully-fledged clinical depression.

Acceptance

In this phase, you may have to accept that your former partner has moved on. This may be a chance to recognize your potential, embrace new opportunities, and pave the way for self-actualization. It may require a lot of work, time, and bargaining until you reach this stage.

How Does Divorce Affect a Woman?

Higher levels of post-divorce stress are associated with more chances of inflammation, according to studies. Women are also prone to experience stress for a longer time. On average, women take a longer break before they start dating, begin a new relationship, or remarry.

Often, women have to deal with financial inequality, they are more likely to risk career loss and social isolation after divorce. Sometimes, they need to fight to keep their parental rights, and this can add up to the overall divorce trauma. Women tend to need additional encouragement in order to overcome vulnerable times.

How Does Divorce Affect a Man?

There have been studies that show that men may develop more health problems as a result of divorce stress. The most commonly reported issues include weight fluctuations, cardiovascular disease, and susceptibility to stroke. On the psychological level, divorced men can develop depression and anxiety, and suffer from insomnia or other sleep disorders. Divorce impacts cardiovascular health negatively in both men and women.

Men also have to struggle with keeping up with their parental roles and responsibilities. This is one of the many reasons why working closely on personal growth and development is crucial for men.

How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Divorce?

In general, the normal process of overcoming divorce pain can take up to two years. This all depends on various factors:

The previous quality of your relationship
Whether you feel resentment towards your ex
Whether you went through a legal battle over your children or property
How much support you receive from your family and friends

What Can You Do To Overcome A Divorce?

When your marriage reaches a definite end and you get a divorce, it’s important to acknowledge the stages of recovery. There are several strategies to keep in mind in order to save your peace of mind and prepare for life as a single.

Take Care of Yourself

One of the most important aspects of your recovery from a difficult divorce is taking care of your needs, as well as physical, and mental well-being. You may use this time to write down your priorities and reorganize your life.

Reframe Your Marriage

Instead of jumping to conclusions and seeing your past marriage as a complete failure, waste of time and energy, you may have the chance to see it as an important learning experience, a lesson that will propel you to the next stage of your life.

Allow Time for Closure

Every wound needs time to heal. While the divorce will definitely have the legal and financial aspects to it, you’d probably feel the need to rush it. Consider allowing the whole process to unravel at a natural pace. Patience is one of the well-known roads to acceptance and peace of mind.

Construct a Positive Environment

Surrounding yourself with people and things that will associate you with your breakup and divorce may not be the best coping strategy. Instead, you can try to make a corner in your house or apartment that will serve the purpose of a physical foundation for your new life.

Seek Support from a Friend

This can be a close family member, a sibling, or someone with whom you have a close and sincere friendship. While you may go through feelings of depression, despair, and hopelessness, having someone to be there for you may be indispensable.

Respect Your Routine

Whether you unwillingly or deliberately decide to disrupt or forgo your daily rituals, you’d surely like to preserve at least some sense of control and normalcy. To this end, it’s useful to reinstate and try to stick to your daily routines. This goes hand in hand with taking care of your health, finances, career, and personal goals.

Take a Break From Dating

This can be a slippery slope, as you can feel unsure whether you’re dating to distract yourself from your post-divorce stress, to find comfort, or to find a new, fulfilling relationship. Instead of rushing into a new relationship, you may feel the need to devote more time to yourself. This way you’ll be able to determine your priorities, and start working on your self-growth.

Seek New Resources

Finding new ways to relate and cope with your current situation can mean a difference between recovery and further complications. You can find new potential by taking up a new hobby, meeting new people, or rekindling old friendships.

Who Can Help Me With Effective Divorce Trauma Recovery And Codependent Relationship Retreat?

Deciding to divorce isn’t easy, and going through the process sometimes requires professional support and coaching. With the help of our relationship advocates in the PIVOT retreat, you can tackle the most sensitive topics in supportive settings, which may allow you to make significant breakthroughs. Whether you wish to recover from divorce trauma individually, overcome challenges and salvage your marriage as a couple, learn how to foster authenticity in your relationship, our staff is here to help. You can also book individual coaching sessions and work on your potential. Get in touch with us to start a new phase in life!

Deciding to Divorce: How Do You Know It’s Over?

Posted on May 16, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

Do you feel like there are some insurmountable differences that can not be resolved between you and your spouse? Have you considered working on your marriage with the help of a professional? Or are you about to give up? Every year, millions of couples decide to end their marriage. In the United States, the statistics aren’t too optimistic, given that about half of all marriages end in divorce. On top of that, new marriages have an even higher divorce rate.

Before you make the final decision, it may be crucial to approach the question tactfully and responsibly, considering your needs, as well as the perspective of your partner. It could be at a crossroads, walking a very fine line between taking separate ways or reconciliation.

Surely, there may be some ways to move forward and even salvage your marriage through relationship and intimacy coaching. Nevertheless, at times, divorce may be the only device that makes sense and that can benefit you. How would you decide on the next step?

How Do You Know You Need a Divorce?

While you might be prone to see only the negatives in your everyday life, how would you know for certain that your marriage is beyond repair? While everyone is entitled to make decisions based on their gut feeling, there are more factors that can play a role in your pending breakup or recuperated relationship.

There are some cases where divorce seems inevitable. For instance, it is usually the only clear and logical exit in case of an abusive or neglectful relationship. In other cases, if you still feel that you love or are loved by your partner, in spite of hardships, you may hope that things get better.

Even if your marriage is not dotted with heated arguments and periods of drama, you could feel that something is missing and that you are growing distant. Could it be that your marriage is failing before your eyes, even if you do not seem to notice it? Are there ways to rewind and start over?

What Are The Signs Of A Failing Marriage?

Dysfunctional couples tend to harbor a good deal of resentment toward each other, even before they split up. If you feel that you reached a point where you no longer feel joy, or can’t find common ground, it’s probably time to take a closer look at your relationship. Here are some signs that you may need to make a radical change in your marriage or break up:

You can let go of the constant bickering and drama
You’re stuck in your parenting role, neglecting your relationship
You feel lonely or abandoned in your marriage
You start keeping secrets from your spouse
You fantasize about having an affair, even if your partner is faithful
You stopped communicating as you used to, and started distancing from each other
You haven’t been physically intimate in a long time
You feel indifferent about each other, or take each other for granted
You are competing with your partner in an unhealthy way

You don’t feel respected or you no longer respect each other
You can’t imagine spending time with your spouse in the foreseeable future
You can’t trust them any longer, you harbor bitterness or resentment towards each other
You no longer enjoy each other’s company
You feel emotionally drained, or you’re neglected or emotionally abused by your spouse
You have stopped trying or haven’t even looked for help

If you experience some of the described feelings or behaviors above, you may still want to work on your relationship. While you might feel desperate, there are at least two ways to resolve the situation positively: by ending your marriage on good terms or finding a way to save it.

Is Emotional Neglect a Reason For Divorce?

While you may easily identify an abusive, jealous, or controlling partner, an emotionally neglectful spouse can seem like a vague label. Neglect is not that easily recognized, as the neglectful person wouldn’t burst out in anger, won’t criticize or attack you verbally, won’t harass you, or display aggression in any shape or form.

Emotionally neglectful partners may come across as caring parents, friendly family members, and pleasant coworkers, although they can be severely cold and restrained with their partners. Here are a couple of examples of emotional neglect:

Your spouse appears absent-minded, distant, or disinvolved when you talk or want to discuss your plans. This may make you feel invisible, guilty, misunderstood, or unworthy of their attention.
They prefer to spend time separately and have their own circle of friends, excluding you from their interests, hobbies, and social life.
Your partners’ expectations are unclear to you. They don’t complain openly, don’t blame you, yet give you what appears to be a silent treatment.
You could have problems with perfectionism and low self-esteem, resulting from a lack of validation or support from your significant other, friends, or parents. Separation and divorce could be a good basis for shedding some light on your self-actualization needs and gaining more insight into your strengths and potential.

You might try to read into the detachment of your partner or find an excuse for them. While you could feel a strange sense of guilt as if their neglect is a result of a particular action on your end. Or, you could try to rationalize it as a sign of a phase you’re going through. If it’s something that is going on for some time regardless of the circumstances, it may be the time that you raise some questions and check if you are being manipulated emotionally.

How Do I Know If I Am Making The Right Decision to Divorce?

You may feel unsure whether or not you have good reasons for divorce. Regardless of how discontent you are, you might find yourself drawing more positives than negatives. You may be pondering about various outcomes: entering a new life without a significant other, venturing into the world of social, emotional, and financial independence, with all the benefits and risks involved.

For many couples that were married for a longer time, it may feel like a leap into the unknown, fraught with layers of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear. If you are in that situation, giving yourself some additional time to prepare could be of vital importance, especially if you feel vulnerable at this stage.

Keep in mind that divorced couples cited the following reasons for ending their marriage:

Commitment issues – if you’ve noticed that you are no longer investing time, energy, kindness, or genuine care into your relationship, it’s probably time to part ways.
Frequent arguments – if you feel a lack of common ground and cannot find a thing you can agree upon, it may be time to take care of yourself and file for divorce.
Affairs – while there may be arrangements among couples to tolerate or accept the concept of an open relationship, the betrayal that comes from infidelity is rarely only about sex. It’s also about the lack of trust, and so it’s a valid reason for a break-up.
Marriage at a young age – if you haven’t had enough experience and weren’t emotionally mature when you took your vows, it’s no wonder that you’ve grown in separate directions
Unrealistic expectations – disappointment and subsequent separation can stem from putting very high hopes that it will bring miraculous change throughout your life.
Inequality among partners – this can refer to a lack of financial freedom, career choices, power struggles, and disbalance between gender roles, everything leading to one party feeling left out, belittled, or taken for granted.
Domestic violence or abuse – although every relationship is fraught with complexities and idiosyncrasies, violent behavior, physical and emotional abuse is a red flag that needs to be brought to the authorities.

What Can You Do Before You Make The Final Decision?

When you’re facing a pending divorce or separation, you may experience a lot of anger, sadness, grief, or exercise denial maneuvres. These are some of the ways to cope with the situation, all with the goal of finding the much-needed clarity. You would probably like to clear up where you’re headed as a couple in a constructive way, without starting a new angry argument, ignoring the differences, or resentfully withdrawing from each other.

There are several ways you can address the issue:

You can try to talk it out

If your partner is ready to have a rational and authentic conversation, there might be some room for a satisfactory outcome. Even if you are headed towards the end of your marriage, knowing that you do not hold any bitterness or resentment toward each other can give you both a good headstart into personal recovery.

Give yourself some time

Whatever signs you notice, it is important not to rush. You need time to take care of yourself and to remember that life simply has to go on. While the period in front of you will require significant adjustments and planning, you deserve to take a break. This will give you time and energy for necessary changes, whether you’ll start improving your relationship, or preparing for your new independent life.

Seek professional help

It could be useful to take a good look at your marriage from all angles and take responsibility for your health and well-being. If your spouse is open to the idea, you can consult a mental health professional and try to work on the issues. Even if you agree that divorce is the only way to go, you would probably like to do it on amicable terms.

While it will be the end of your companionship, making a mature and sound decision may be beneficial for your children, family members, friends, and your future partners. Although it may feel disappointing, if you start your new life without bitterness, you have not wasted your time together.

How Can A Relationship Intimacy Coaching Help Through My Marriage Crisis?

If your aim is to take make a sound decision on whether to work on your marriage or to part ways, you need a supportive environment where you can focus and talk openly. Taking part in one of the glasshouse PIVOT retreats can provide you with the necessary resources and time to make vital decisions about your relationship. Apart from that, you can work on your strengths and potential with an individual coach, and work on your personal growth and emotional fulfillment. Our coaches and relationship advocates are at your disposal for all your questions and doubts. Reach out to us today and start a new journey!

Importance of Self-Actualization in Intimacy

Posted on May 16, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

People are able to form healthy relationships if they’re operating from their healthiest self and know how to attach securely. When you feel good in your own skin and have a healthy relationship with yourself, you can contribute more to your relationship.

You can achieve deeper self-awareness and become more accomplished in life through the process of self-actualization. It allows you to understand yourself, establish a healthy relationship with yourself and the world, and reach your full potential.

Learn what self-actualization is, how to become self-actualized in a romantic relationship, and how to support your partner through this process. With this knowledge, you may improve the level of intimacy in your marriage or get an idea of how to work through certain challenges in a relationship workshop.

What Is Self-Actualization?

You become self-actualized when you realize your full potential, know and operate from your capabilities, and adopt a deep appreciation for all the intricacies of life. It’s about being the best version of yourself you can be.

People who’ve been through a self-actualization journey have certain shared traits, like:

Understanding: Self-actualization comes from a place of deep understanding of yourself. Establishing a good grasp of your own needs and drives is the basis for self-growth and maturation.
Acceptance: People who are self-actualized accept and love themselves for what they are. Instead of punishing themselves for their perceived shortcomings, they acknowledge them and work on them.
Kindness: Since self-actualization helps you accept yourself, you’re more likely to be kinder to yourself and more compassionate to others. This comes from the knowledge that nobody is perfect and everyone has their own unique potential to uncover.
Connections: Because you’re better able to understand others, you can open up more easily and be more comfortable being vulnerable. You find joy in giving as well as receiving and you thrive when you share your experiences with others.

What Is The Difference Between Self-Realization And Self-Actualization?

While these phrases are often used interchangeably, there is a difference between the two. Self-actualization helps you tap into your full potential. On the other hand, people usually define self-realization as a process of gaining a deeper understanding of your character.

While self-actualization is a more modern concept that originated from psychology, self-realization comes from Eastern traditions, mainly Hinduism. Despite slight differences, both concepts put positive change and deep self-awareness into focus. They’re both about learning how to live a healthy, more fulfilling life and adopt a more complete view of the self.

How Do You Become A Self-Actualized Person?

When you start your self-improvement journey, you have a long and winding road ahead of you. It’s a slow, multifaceted process. However, as long as you’re committed to it and go steady, you can make excellent progress over the long term. Here are some strategies to try:

Accept everything life sends your way: If you learn how to accept the good and the bad things that the future holds, you will feel less frustration. If you pick your battles, you won’t get hung up on situations that are out of your control, such as your spouse wanting a divorce, and you’ll focus your attention on the things that you can change.
Forgive yourself and others: Self-actualization doesn’t equal perfection. You will still face challenges and failure at times. However, self-actualized people don’t beat themselves up about the mistakes they make. Instead, they learn from them and move on. They also don’t judge other people for their shortcomings.
Improve what you can: Self-growth means you correctly identify areas for improvement in your life and work on them to make new breakthroughs. However, be careful not to dwell on problems after you’ve exhausted all possibilities for solving them.
See the beauty in little things: Sometimes people get too caught up in negativity and fail to see the beauty that surrounds them. While it can seem trite, being able to enjoy the little things in life is actually a healthy and necessary skill.
Behave authentically: Being yourself without letting outside pressures have an impact is an important part of your self-actualization journey. When you’re genuine, you don’t feel the need to hide or modify your personality so others would accept you.
Express compassion: When you understand yourself well, you can also have a better insight into the minds of others. Just like you’re gentle and forgiving to yourself, you can extend the same kind of compassion to those around you.
Be self-reliant: A large part of being self-actualized is being comfortable when you’re on your own and not depending on other people to reassure you. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help when you need it. It means you’re capable of resolving the challenges in your life single-handedly when the situation calls for it.

Can I Become Self-Actualized In An Intimate Relationship?

Self-actualization is an individual, intimate process that everyone goes through on their own. However, having a supportive partner and a healthy bond can help. You can both get farther in your journey of self-discovery by attending a relationship workshop. There you can learn how to identify the areas you need to work on both individually and as a couple as well as healthy strategies to overcome them.

How Can I Support My Partner To Become Self-Actualized?

Self-actualized people tend to have healthier relationships because they’re open to sharing their thoughts and feelings and they have a more positive outlook on life. Nurturing your bond and supporting your partner as they work on their personal development is the best way to help them self-actualize. Be patient with them as they make progress and talk to them about their experiences.

Where Can I Find an Effective Codependency Retreat to Help Me Self-Actualize?

If you’re going through a difficult time because you’re in the middle of a divorce or because you resent your ex for hurting you, PIVOT’s eye-opening retreats can help. In the safe, comfortable setting of our individual workshops, you’ll be able to open up to our relationship advocates and find solutions to your problems, like codependency or love addiction. Couples can also seek our assistance in overcoming issues like unhealthy attachment patterns and love avoidance.

Importance And Meaning Of Authenticity In Love

Posted on May 16, 2022 by Lori Jean Glass

A healthy relationship allows you to be the best version of yourself and you’re at your best when you’re acting genuinely. While it may seem like an elusive ideal, being true to yourself is actually the best way to approach a coupleship and it’s easier than you may think. It’s helpful to keep your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors congruous, and you can learn how to do this by working with a relationship coach.

If you’re wondering what it means to be a genuine person and how to be authentic in a relationship, read on to learn how you can nurture this within yourself and live a truly authentic life.

What Does Self Authenticity Mean?

Being true to yourself means that your actions, thoughts, and feelings align, and you express them with integrity and confidence.

However, many people struggle to strike this balance and have truly genuine existence. When the different aspects of your personality (parts of self) are out of sync, you may feel like you’re not being yourself in some areas of your life. For example, you could be putting on a false persona to impress others, like pretending to be more confident to win over a potential partner.

Here’s are some ways in which authenticity can manifest itself:

Honesty: If you’re genuine, you’re honest both to other people and yourself, and you don’t feel the need to modify your behavior to conform to other people’s expectations.
Self-sufficiency: An authentic person makes decisions and acts on them independently, unbothered by outside influences. They rely on their own inner strength in challenging situations.
Self-love: You accept that you’re not perfect and love yourself regardless of any shortcomings you may have. You don’t feel the need to keep up appearances because you know that you’re enough, just the way you are.
Ease: Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin. Because they aren’t bothered by what the world expects of them, they are unburdened and free to live a fulfilling life.
Fulfilling your potential: You know your strengths and develop in areas that need work. This makes you more likely to tap into your full potential and grow as a person.

However, being authentic isn’t about being rigid and impervious to change. It also doesn’t mean that you believe that you’re perfect and beyond reproach. People naturally grow and transform to respond to the changing circumstances in their lives, so the way you express your authentic self will reflect this too.

For example, you may have started off as a shy child and teenager and developed more outgoing traits as you entered adulthood. Expressing this freely doesn’t mean that you’ve stopped being true to yourself. Instead, your personality has been through a shift and you naturally behave in line with this.

What Makes A Relationship Authentic?

There may be different levels of authenticity in a relationship:

You can be your genuine selves. You accept each other the way you are, without the need to change the other person to fit your expectations. You give each other support and room to grow without impediments.
You’re honest with one another. You’re able to express your thoughts and feelings freely, without fear of judgment or rejection. You feel safe opening up to your partner and trust them to understand even the things that make you most vulnerable.
You don’t let outside pressures influence your relationship. You’re sure of your relationship regardless of what others think or do.

Why Is It Important To Be Authentic In A Relationship?

Inauthenticity can take a toll on a relationship. For example, you may be consciously hiding your true colors from your partner. You could be unwilling to express your deepest fears and insecurities because you think that this will drive them away. You may worry that showing who you really are will scare them off. This is common for people who have an anxious attachment style and fear rejection from their partner.

In a different scenario, you may be attempting to change to match your partner’s standards. For example, if you know your partner prefers being the leader, you may be taking the back seat to pander to them. This way, you could be stifling your natural affinities and losing confidence. This may cause you to feel resentful and jeopardize the relationship.

On the other hand, a relationship that’s genuine doesn’t require either partner to hide or pretend. Instead, it allows you to be unapologetically yourselves, with your feelings, thoughts, and actions working in unison.

How Can I Become More Authentic In My Relationship?

Establishing a genuine connection is what most people aspire to. Here are some things you can do to have more authenticity in your relationship:

Have a sense of independence: It’s not a good idea to rely solely on your partner for happiness. If you put all your eggs in one basket, you may lose your individuality and become too caught up in making your relationship work at all costs.
Talk to each other: Share your feelings and thoughts with your partner and encourage them to do the same. Show understanding and compassion when they’re feeling vulnerable and expect the same in return.
Expect reciprocity: There needs to be mutual respect and understanding between the two of you. A healthy relationship provides a safe space where you can both feel seen and heard.

How Can You Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage With an Intensive Workshop?

If you feel like you or your partner are being inauthentic and you worry that this may destroy your marriage, PIVOT can help you become a more authentic person and have a genuine relationship. You can become more self-actualized and reach your full potential in one of our individual workshops. These workshops can provide support while you’re trying to cope with divorce trauma and in other emotionally hurtful situations.

We also help couples find a common ground by participating in our retreats together. Reach out to us to uncover your unhealthy patterns and fulfill your potential. We’re ready to support you through your journey!