Author: Lori Jean Glass

Love, care, support, respect, and joy are only some of the amazing ways healthy relationships enrich our lives. They give us that feeling of walking slightly above ground on a thin-but-firm layer of confidence that makes every step we take, even through trials and tribulations, secure, resolute, and easy. 

Then, one day, you trip slightly. Another day, you find it a bit harder to overcome a daily hurdle. You talk to your partner, the response is there, yet it seems as if emanating from farther away than it used to. A thought crosses your mind, one of a widening gap between two once inseparable souls, only for it to be quickly erased by your subconscious. 

And so, the gap widens, and the ravine deepens. The days of stumbles become more frequent, and the hurdles become more and more difficult to overcome. And that’s when it hits you – your partner is so far away you can hardly see them anymore, and the other relationship problems and their solutions fade in sheer awe of this gap. Don’t despair, this too can be fixed. 

What Does It Mean To Grow Apart In A Relationship?

The simplest, as well as the most accurate way to describe two people in a relationship who are slowly becoming more and more distant is that they simply do not enjoy each other’s company as much as they did before. However, such a description fails to paint a clear picture of the emotional and psychological problems growing apart can cause for both partners.

Once upon a time, it would seem you could not get enough of each other. You wanted to spend every waking moment together, enjoying each other and shared activities. There were smiles all around, fun, excitement, love, and care. It’s almost impossible to identify when exactly you started to drift apart. 

Perhaps it was that one time when you decided not to go out together. Or when you decided to watch that TV show at different times of day. Maybe work and daily responsibilities got in the way and your conflicting schedules made it too hard to find some quality time together. It could have been some of it, all of it, or none of it. 

It’s important to know the reasons, even though the reasons may seem unimportant and trivial.  What’s all-encompassing is the gaping hole between you two staring back from the abyss where once was togetherness. And that’s what hurts the most. That’s what growing apart is and what makes it so unimaginably difficult to cope with. 

Is It Normal For Couples To Grow Apart?

Relationships are rarely ideal, as few or no things in life are. Unfortunately, we, as individuals, are flawed, and all of us come with our own emotional baggage that we introduce into our relationships. All this can affect our relationships in different ways and one of those ways is growing apart with our partner. 

If you start to notice you and your significant other becoming more and more distant, the first reaction is emotional pain followed by doubt on whether or not you are destined to remain together. 

Perhaps you’re thinking that the growing distance between you is a sign of your innate incompatibility. And that’s normal. Doubt is normal, pain because of your distance is normal, the emotional toll is real and the psychological consequences are difficult to bear. 

It’s tough looking at your partner and simply not feeling the same connection you once did. It’s even more difficult knowing that your partner is feeling the same. Matters of the heart are hard, especially if there is a ravine where once was closeness. 

On the one hand, you and your partner going through periods of less than complete togetherness is quite normal. As individuals, we experience different periods during our lives, and it’s only normal for our relationships to experience similar fluctuations over time.

On the other hand, allowing the gap between you and your partner to become larger by not addressing each other’s problems and not working together on resolving them can lead to more severe consequences that will only leave you farther apart than you would like.

What Are The Signs Of Growing Apart?

To be able to prevent the distance between you and your partner from growing means to be able to recognize the early signs of drifting apart and working on your relationship. Here are some common signs of couples slowly and surely distancing themselves from each other: 

• You notice you and your partner pay less and less attention to each other.
• It’s better to spend time away from your partner than together. 
• You’re struggling to maintain physical contact and intimacy. 
• You’re starting to develop trust issues with your partner. 
• Your emotional intimacy is also becoming a problem.
• You’ve started keeping secrets from each other. 
• You spend less and less time communicating. 
• You’re no longer each other’s best friend. 
• It seems you are constantly disagreeing. 

How Do You Fix A Relationship That’s Growing Apart?

As excruciating as it can feel to know you and your partner are growing apart, that doesn’t mean there’s no way to turn back to where you once were. “The way we were” can be the way you are once more, especially if you are honest, open up, and try some of the following: 

• Take the first step and share your innermost feelings.
• Start spending more and more time together by making it a priority.
• Be spontaneous, do something unexpected and special together in addition to your attempt to ‘date” again.
• Engage in actual physical contact more often.
• The small things like “hellos” and “goodbyes” can go a long way.
• Don’t be afraid to reminisce about the “good old days”.
• Make each other a priority, not other things.
• Stop complaining and start praising instead.
• Try not to constantly argue and put each other down. 
• Stop playing the blame game. 
• Address your issues and work through them. 

Join the PIVOT Private Couple Retreat For Reconnection to Resolve Your Problems 

Growing apart, unaware of the gap forming between you and your partner, is one thing. However, becoming aware of the distance between you, identifying the ever-widening gorge forming between two people in a relationship is when it gets really tough. Realization brings pain, despair, and possibly guilt, as well as the underlying desire to bridge this gap. 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Here, that first step is attempting to understand the reasons behind you and your partner growing apart. Are you experiencing different communication problems? Is there some type of emotional abuse present? Are you or your partner finding it hard to open up to each other?

Don’t be hard on yourself if you’re unable to admit what the reasons behind this distance are. Sometimes, being honest with yourself and your partner is far from easy. That is why PIVOT relationship advocates are here for you. By participating in our individual workshops, as well as being part of our group retreat for couples, we’ll help you find closeness with your partner again. 

Not being heard hurts, no matter your age or the relationship you’re struggling to get your voice and opinion across. It can all begin at a very early age. Trying to explain your actions to your parents, for example, only to see them not hearing your words, not listening to your thoughts, and failing to accept your explanations.

To a child, this can seem like a grave injustice, one that hurts and leads to them closing their parents off, refusing to share their innermost thoughts and feelings. And that can leave its mark. Now imagine experiencing that at a young age, only to find yourself in the same or similar position with your partner years later?

Can you just imagine being an adult, a person with opinions and feelings and difficulties which your partner simply doesn’t acknowledge. Imagine spending hours upon hours trying to get your partner to listen to what you have to say, only to be left unheard again. That’s hard, and fixing the relationship will require some intensive work. Let’s start from the beginning. 

Why Do I Not Feel Heard?

Most people want to feel understood and heard by others, especially those closest to them. That is why when your partner is not actually hearing your thoughts and feelings, it can be emotionally tasking and difficult to accept. Being acknowledged by those we love is one of our deepest longings. When that sense of acknowledgment is missing, it’s easy for us to suffer emotional exhaustion. 

This is not about our partner simply agreeing with our feelings. It has to do with validation. If that’s missing, communication becomes more than just a problem, it becomes a frightening endeavor you can find yourself dreading. 

It is around this time that you start questioning yourself, the things you want to share, and the reasons behind your partner’s inability to hear what you have to say. 

The reasons behind not being heard by your partner are varied and complex, and it is extremely difficult to pinpoint them without your partner being willing to openly discuss them. Some of the most common ones include: 

• Different communication styles: Perhaps your partner is actually hearing you however your communication styles differ and they come across as not actually listening to you. 
• Defensiveness: Sometimes, your partner may feel threatened by the emotions you’re sharing, which leads to them exhibiting defensive communication behavior that leads to your emotions falling on deaf ears due to their attempt to defend against non-existent accusations. 
• Distraction: Depending on their personality, your partner might be distracted by their own set of problems which they are unwilling or unable to share with you for a variety of reasons, leading them to seem aloof to your feelings. 

How Do You Know When You Are Not Being Listened To Or Ignored?

All of us have our own gut feeling, that indescribable sensation of not knowing exactly why we’re sure something is true, yet we believe it nonetheless. That pretty much sums us being aware of our partner not actually listening to us the way we would like them to. However, sometimes we’re not sure, or we want to believe we’re wrong simply so we don’t have to deal with the emotional consequences of confronting our partner on their communicative deficiencies. 

Whether you’re subconsciously aware of your partner not paying attention to your feelings, or you’re consciously trying to dissuade yourself from believing the facts to avoid confrontation, start paying attention to your partner’s behavior. It could be good to know the telltale signs of your partner’s attention not being in the right place. 

• Their head is too still and their eye contact is way too fixed.
• They try too hard to smile brightly.
• You catch them tapping their fingers and rushing the conversation.
• They have turned their body away from you.
• They’re pointing their feet in the opposite direction.
• Their body language does not mirror yours.
• They fail to react accordingly to the important points in the conversation.

How Do You Deal With Not Being Heard?

It really hurts not being heard, or being ignored by your partner and having to struggle and sometimes even beg for your emotions to be acknowledged. This can be so harmful to your mental wellbeing that it is important to address the problem quickly and try to resolve it efficiently. First, you need to begin with self-care before proceeding to resolve the communication issues with your partner:

• Be honest with yourself and understand that you’re not being heard.
• Keep reminding yourself that it’s not your fault. Don’t make it even more difficult on you by blaming yourself.
• Try to find support and acknowledgment from others before attempting to resolve the problem with your partner.
• Listen to yourself and speak your truth to your innermost you. 

Once you’ve listened to yourself and your needs first, it might be time to approach them if you truly feel ready. Once you do, it could prove helpful to try some of these techniques to approach your partner more easily and to get them to listen to your words more carefully:

• Give them an example of you listening to their needs before you ask the same of them.
• Try stating your concrete needs clearly and gently.
• Try using a neutral question when asking them why they do not acknowledge your feelings. 
• Be clear about your expectations and get curious about theirs.
• Take breaks in order to regain the necessary emotional stamina. 

Join PIVOT Programs Designed To Help With Overcoming Relationship Challenges

It’s hard to speak, to try to communicate with your partner only to see your words fall on deaf ears. This can lead to you developing different kinds of problems, ranging from beginning to feel uneasy in your relationship to you yourself becoming more emotionally closed and starting to place your partner at a distance. That way, it all becomes a lot more difficult to deal with. 

The wall of communication breakdowns and misunderstandings is composed of various bricks that simply started building up, one atop the other, across the years of your relationship. Sometimes, couples keep fighting with each other, creating a communicative barrier between them. Other times, they fail to communicate properly to avoid conflicts.

Uncovering the true reasons behind your words not being heard and understood is the first step in overcoming the underlying relationship difficulties. At PIVOT, our expert relationship advocates can help you either through individual workshops for you, or through couples workshops for you and your partner. We want your relationship to thrive. 

Adolescence is a tumultuous period, one where a teenager moves through the process of developing a stable personality and identity for themselves. This process is known as individuation. As one individuates, they get a clearer sense of self, distinct from their parents and other people. 

The term “individuation” was extensively used in the personality development work written by Carl Jung. Jung saw individuation as a self-realization process, one that begins in adolescence and continues throughout adult life. Individuation allows people to integrate the aspects of their true selves with the new experiences and learning they gain in life. 

Individuation can be a difficult time in any person’s life. If you are struggling to get back in touch with your true self or make peace with your teenage self, you may keep repeating relationship patterns that no longer serve you or experience emotional intimacy issues. 

Learning more about individuation may help. Keep on reading. 

At What Age Does Individuation Occur?

Individuation most commonly occurs in early adolescence, when a child begins separating their sense of self from that of their parents. However, individuation can also continue into adulthood, as well as happen between friends and romantic partners. 

Adolescents, in particular, are often very well aware of the changes happening during individuation. They feel the changes happening in their home environment, relationships and in their own bodies. Unfortunately, if their home environment is unsafe or chaotic during this period of change, their perceptions about themselves and others will be compromised. 

Whenever it happens, individuation is a complex process, as it involves untying the strong emotional knots that bind you to the people and experiences close to you. The more thoroughly you individuate, the more you will become your own person and live according to your own values. 

How Does The Concept Of Individuation Relate To Self Love?

Jung saw individuation as the process of self-realization, when one begins to discover their own meaning and integrates their personality into a healthy whole. In essence, individuation helps you make peace with the parts of yourself you’ve neglected or ignored. 

However, not everyone goes through adolescence the same and not everyone manages to individuate in a healthy manner. If your home environment wasn’t safe or you didn’t have a healthy relationship with your parents or caregivers, it is likely that you had a much more difficult time during the individuation process. 

Many adolescents strengthen the potentially damaging survival patterns they learned in childhood or begin attaching to others in new unhealthy ways to avoid the pain they previously experienced. This can make self-love and self-realization much more challenging, as your unindividuated inner teen may fight hard to be seen and heard or retreat in pain and shame. They may adopt a variety of survival patterns to protect themselves, fight, or hide from the pain and hurt they suffered in their adolescence. Secretive behavior, substance use, acting out sexually, lying, etc.

What Are The Three Stages Of The Individuation Journey?

Individuation can be seen as consisting of three distinct stages: declaration, separation, and reconnection. If you believe that you haven’t individuated in a healthy manner in your adulthood, don’t worry. You can go through these stages at any point in your life and work on achieving independence and learning how to respect and value your own self. 

Declaration

During the first stage of individuation, you declare your independence from your parents, caregivers, or anyone else you are individuating from. However, the first step is declaring this separation to yourself and later to others. You can look at the declaration stage as severing the emotional cord with the individual you are individuating from. 

Feelings and experiences of denial, skepticism, and confusion are common in this stage. This comes as a result of recognizing the attachment or early life wounds that have impacted your relationships and sense of self. 

It is important to note that declaring your independence from these wounds does not mean disregarding or ignoring them. Instead, it means beginning to acknowledge and accept them, and working to integrate them into a healthy sense of self. 

Separation 

The second stage involves detaching or disconnecting from the person or experiences you are trying to individuate from. This may mean creating clearer and healthier boundaries and taking responsibility for your own well-being. For example, you may identify the ways in which you were entwined with or dependent on the people in your life. You may have depended on others to soothe you, motivate you, or provide you with a sense of worth. 

The purpose of the separation state is to help you pivot from confusion to clarity. It enables you to learn how to self-regulate and soothe yourself, strengthen your own values, and take responsibility for your own actions. During this stage you may also discover your unfulfilled needs and realize which ones you are able to satisfy. 

Reconnection  

The final stage of individuation involves reconnecting with the experience or person you are individuating from while maintaining a strong sense of self. Keep in mind that reconnection may not be possible and you may need to sever some ties for good, if they no longer serve you. This is where the relational circle boundaries with PIVOT can be helpful to discern the best course of action.

While attempting to reconnect, you may have to make new agreements and recognize the other person for who they truly are. With a clearer sense of self, you will be able to connect with others in a stable manner, without the risk of losing yourself in the relationship. 

Additionally, the reconnection stage may also involve organizing your personal relationships and setting relational circle boundaries. This will help you determine appropriate levels of intimacy in your relationships and maintain healthy connections while enhancing your sense of self-worth. 

Embark On The Individuation Journey At A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals

Individuation can be a lifelong process and you may have to continue to adapt and develop your sense of self as you have new experiences. Luckily, PIVOT is here to help you gain a new perspective and pivot from confusion and dependence to clarity and self-worth. Whether you choose our one-on-one coaching sessions or attend one of our relationship-enhancing retreats and workshops, depend on us to provide you with valuable tools and resources for facilitating positive and meaningful behavioral change. Contact us today and start your journey to becoming a healthy adult.

The experiences we have in childhood can have a serious impact on our quality of life in adulthood. They can mold our personalities, affect romantic relationships, and influence how we parent our own children.  

Most people can easily understand how physical abuse can affect a child. What about emotional abuse? And what about the often inevitable painful experiences many children experience, despite their parents’ best efforts to keep them safe? 

Most people have emotional childhood wounds. These painful experiences can have long-term repercussions, often resurfacing in adulthood and wreaking havoc on our emotional wellbeing. 

If you feel like you keep sabotaging yourself, making poor relationship choices, or having over-the-top reactions to certain situations, it may be your wounded inner child acting up. Your inner child represents your childlike aspects, personal memories, hopes, and dreams. If it is trying to get your attention, it may be crying out for an old wound to be healed. 

Speaking with a relationship coach can be of immense help in this regard. You can also get started on your path to becoming a healthy adult by uncovering your childhood wounds on your own. Keep on reading to learn how you can get in touch with your inner child and heal emotional wounds. 

What Are Childhood Wounds?

Imagine a child who craves affection and attention. Yet, their parents repeatedly ignore them. They need connection and nurturing without receiving the appropriate care. Such painful experiences can affect the child’s emotional intelligence, result in constant relational cravings, and cause the child to develop various survival patterns to heal their wounds. In adolescence and adulthood, they may turn to alcohol, drugs, food, or relationships. 

Here are some of the most commonly experienced emotional wounds: 

• Rejection: Kids who are rejected by their parents, caregivers, or peers can develop a deep fear of rejection. A rejection wound can also extend within, tainting your feelings and thoughts. A person with a rejection wound may feel like they don’t deserve affection. They may also isolate themselves from others and take all kinds of measures to avoid rejection. 
• Abandonment: If you feel like loneliness is your worst enemy, you may have an abandonment wound. Kids who experience abandonment often grow up to develop a deep fear of being left. They may choose to leave their partners before they leave them or abandon projects early on. 
• Humiliation: Being humiliated in childhood can leave a lasting mark. Parents and peers may tell the child that they are “bad”, clumsy, or not good enough. Or they may humiliate them in front of other people. Humiliation can have a serious impact on a kid’s self-esteem. 
• Injustice: Cold, authoritarian, or controlling parents can produce feelings of inadequacy, uselessness, or ineffectiveness in their children. When this perpetuates into adulthood, the child may become rigid, perfectionistic, and mistrustful. 
• Betrayal: When parents don’t fulfill promises or fail their child in any way, the child may develop a tendency to mistrust. This can later transform into feelings of jealousy and envy, or result in a controlling personality. 

How Does A Bad Childhood Affect You?

As you have seen, childhood wounds can be the catalyst for a variety of self-sabotaging behaviors. Childhood stressors can cause emotional reactivity, causing you to develop various survival patterns to cope, and chronic hypervigilance as a result of an attachment wound. Some specific examples of survival patterns may include: 

• Secrecy 
• Avoidance 
• People-pleasing 
• Controlling behaviors 
• Perfectionism
• Use of substances to not feel 
• Insecurity
• Indecisiveness 
• Aggression 
• Selfishness 

The survival patterns you develop may show up in your adolescence and adulthood, negatively affecting your relationships and overall well being. Although these coping mechanisms may have served you for years, they are unlikely to help you change your behavior and develop healthy intimacy. 

Can Childhood Wounds Be Healed?

Yes, deep childhood wounds can be healed with patience and effort. For most people, speaking with a compassionate relationship coach can make a world of difference. A good coach will understand the immense impact of your painful childhood experiences and will make you feel heard, seen, and understood. They will enable you to express your feelings and thoughts, whether they be fear, sadness, or anger. 

Also, your healing journey needs to unfold at your own pace. Give yourself time to work through the difficult feelings, keep learning, and embrace new experiences. 

How Do Childhood Wounds Heal?

While everyone’s healing journey is different, there are some general paths you can take to facilitate the process: 

• Know yourself. Acceptance starts with self-awareness and self-knowledge. Explore your emotions and accept where you are at right now. Be mindful of the present moment and be as honest as you can about how you feel.  Then you can reflect on the root of your problems. Allow yourself to learn to become comfortable being uncomfortable.
• Get perspective. It is easy to fall into the trap of seeing things just how you want them to be. This can cause you to lose touch with how things really are. To accept your pain and heal it, you may need to change your perspective and try to get back in touch with reality. 
• Acceptance doesn’t mean “giving in”. Just because you are willing to accept your emotional pain doesn’t mean that you endorse it or that you don’t want to change your behaviors. Instead, you are simply making peace with your past and allowing yourself to move on. 

Heal With The Help Of A Dedicated Remote Relationship Coach

Changing your childhood survival patterns is not an easy process. Yet, if you are honest with yourself, you can develop healthy intimacy and let go of patterns that no longer serve you. Change is possible. 

PIVOT can help. Through relationship-focused individual coaching and tailored coaching retreats and workshops, we can help you work on healing your core wounds and start facilitating meaningful behavioral change. 

We are vastly experienced in helping individuals like you become healthy, happy, and balanced adults. We have a number of carefully thought out modules designed to help you address your deeply ingrained survival patterns and work on transforming them. Reach out to us today and start your healing journey. 

Not all forms of abuse can be easily recognized. One of the most subtle is known as emotional or mental abuse. As a way to manipulate, control, and wound, emotional abuse can have a highly damaging effect on mental health and overall well-being. 

By learning more about the various forms of emotional abuse, you will be better able to recognize its signs and protect yourself and your loved ones. If, however, you believe you are already in an unhealthy relationship, reaching out to a professional or going to a codependency retreat may provide you with the resources and support you need to break the cycle of abuse. 

In this article, we will examine the signs and effects of emotional abuse, as well as provide insightful information on dealing with abusive behaviors. 

What Are The Types of Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse can take numerous forms. It serves as a way to control and manipulate through criticism, embarrassment, blame, or shame. An emotionally abusive relationship can, for example, involve consistent patterns of abusive behaviors that aim to undermine your self-esteem and overall mental health. 

This form of abuse can occur in all kinds of relationships, including those between romantic partners, partners and children, co-workers, and friends. Due to its often insidious nature, emotional abuse can be particularly subtle and difficult to recognize, both by the individual subjected to it and any third parties involved. 

If you’d like to raise your awareness of emotional abuse, you can look out for any of the following signs: 

• Verbal abuse can mean constant criticism, yelling, swearing, and biting insults.
• Rejecting the ideas, opinions, and thoughts of others.
• Gaslighting, that is, making you doubt your thoughts, feelings, and sanity through manipulation. 
• Putting you down, publicly embarrassing you, or calling you names. 
• Trying to cause fear by intimidating or threatening you. 
• Isolating you from your family and friends or stopping you from doing the things you love. 
• Controlling, withholding, or stealing your money, or trying to prevent you from studying or working. 
• Trivializing your concerns, withholding affection, and giving you the silent treatment.
• Being possessive, jealous, or controlling. 

Of course, these are just some of the forms emotional abuse can take. Everybody’s situation is unique, and you or someone you know may have an entirely different experience with this kind of abuse. 

What Are The Psychological Effects Of Emotional Abuse?

Ongoing emotional abuse can result in a wide range of effects, some of which can be nearly invisible. Overall, emotional abuse can cause feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and self-doubt. These effects can linger and cause long-term harm to your sense of self, as well as result in a number of health problems, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and more. 

Unfortunately, this form of abuse can make it difficult for the individual to leave the relationship. Instead, they may remain trapped out of fear or belief that they aren’t good enough for anybody else. 

Short-Term Effects 

The emotional toll of this form of abuse can cause various short term effects, including: 

• Confusion and fear
• Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness 
• Shame and guilt 
• Difficulties concentrating
• Nightmares
• Moodiness
• Racing heartbeat, and more 

Long-Term Effects 

With prolonged emotional abuse, you may also develop: 

• Chronic pain 
• Insomnia
• Persistent guilt
• Anxiety 
• Depression
• Social withdrawal 

How Do You Break The Cycle Of Emotional Abuse?

Each experience with emotional abuse is unique. Try to speak about your experiences with trusted friends, family members, therapist, or a PIVOT coach/ to determine the best course of action in your situation. Opening up to your loved ones can give you a whole new perspective and help you begin to make a decision for your own well-being. 

Find Support And Guidance At A Compassionate Codependent Relationship Retreat

At PIVOT, we are fully dedicated to helping individuals and couples heal from their emotional wounds and build healthy foundations for their relationships. Whether you are dealing with a toxic relationship or need help regulating your emotions, our tailor-made relationship coaching sessions can provide you with the tools and resources you need. 

What’s more, we also have a range of insightful retreats and workshops designed to help facilitate meaningful and positive behavioral change. Because change is possible. 

Get in touch with us today and learn how to become a healthy, balanced adult. Call now. 

Do you find that you struggle with managing your emotions? Are your reactions deemed too explosive, intense, or inappropriate? 

If this is the case, you may find yourself relating to individuals with emotional dysregulation. This means that you may have an impaired ability to control and manage your emotional responses, whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness, or irritability. 

Emotional dysregulation is often noticed in childhood, and it can be resolved in adolescence, when a person learns adequate self-regulation strategies and skills. 

However, dysregulation can often continue into adulthood. When this happens, people can experience a variety of struggles, including issues with romantic relationships, professional and educational performance, and more. 

There are a variety of options for individuals and couples struggling with relationship management due to emotional dysregulation, including a variety of workshop activities, coaching sessions, and self-help strategies. Keep on reading to find out what emotional dysregulation is and how you can deal with it. 

What Causes Emotional Dysregulation?

How does emotional dysregulation happen? Why do some people manage to stay calm and collected while others struggle not to choke up or rage at the first sign of a problem? 

Well, there are several possible causes of emotional dysregulation in adults. The one cause that stands out is traumatic childhood experiences. This may mean neglect or abuse from a parent or caregiver. 

Additionally, you may also develop emotional dysregulation because your parent or caregiver also struggled with it. If you aren’t taught to regulate your emotions in your childhood, it is likely that you will experience issues with them in adulthood, since kids aren’t born with natural emotional regulation skills. 

Can Anxiety Cause Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation can also be a sign as well as a risk factor for some mental health disorders, including anxiety. 

If you have emotional dysregulation, you may be prone to anxious behaviors that might interfere with your social and professional interactions. For instance, may have an intense fear of abandonment in your romantic relationships, experiencing anxiety whenever you and your partner are apart. This can distance you from your partner and further exacerbate your anxiety. 

What Does Emotion Dysregulation Look Like?

If you need more concrete examples, here’s what emotional dysregulation can look like:  

• You resort to emotional eating or cry all night if your partner doesn’t go out with you or goes out with their friends. 
• You feel isolated at a family dinner, while everyone else seems to be having fun. You go to the bathroom to cry or return home and overeat. 
• You struggle identifying your emotions when you become upset. Your anger or sadness can overwhelm or confuse you. 

Can You Fix Emotional Dysregulation?

Dealing with emotional dysregulation can be a difficult and lengthy process. Still, you can move from unstable and intense emotions to clear, calm thinking. Here’s what you can do: 

• Focus on the one single idea that is important to you and work towards bringing it to life. Make sure that the idea is in line with your core values. 
• Learn how to identify your emotions and differentiate maladaptive patterns from those that serve you. 
• Recognize the triggers for your alarm reactions and impulsive behaviors. Keep in mind that these triggers can be incredibly subtle. 
• Try to notice the difference between your alarm-driven thinking patterns and the way you make sense of things when you’re calm. 
• Think about your goals and try to see which are driven by your unregulated emotions and which come from clear and thoughtful consideration. 
• Identify which life choices serve you in the long run. Learn how to break old relationship patterns and cherish healthy boundaries. 
• Learn conflict resolution strategies and build your tolerance for managing difficult or uncomfortable feelings. 
• Start being proactive. Take action toward your goals and remind yourself that you can get there with a bit of time and effort. 
• Speak with a professional relationship coach to get insightful advice and guidance on regulating emotions and facilitating behavioral change.

Even if you feel like there’s no escaping your emotions, know that it is possible to clear your thoughts and ground yourself. With appropriate support and a bit of motivation, you can start replacing your maladaptive relationship patterns with new ones, designed to serve you and bring you closer to emotional balance. Using the right strategies can help you build a better foundation for healthy relationships as well as improve your overall well-being. 

Looking For A Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop? Call PIVOT Now

PIVOT is here to help you balance your emotions and develop strategies for clearer thinking. We bring you well-crafted coaching designed for individuals and couples, as well as a variety of relationship building skills workshops. Whether you are struggling with opening up to your partner or suffer from intense guilt in your relationship, our dedicated staff will be able to help you with expertise and kindness. 

We have the compassion, knowledge, and experience to provide you with resources and skills that will bring you closer to better relationships with your romantic partners, friends, and family. Reach out to a PIVOT advocate now and take the first step towards a happier, more meaningful life

Every relationship has its own unique ups and downs, trials and tribulations, mountains to climb and rivers to cross. Issues arise, problems get resolved, emotions deepen, grow, change, and evolve. Even partners in a close relationship go through different experiences and lead different lives, both together and apart.

However, what happens if one or both partners start experiencing anxiety in their relationship? How can you enjoy your relationship and the good times it brings if you’re constantly feeling uneasy and under pressure? And, most importantly – how can you hope to overcome it and start enjoying your relationship?

Love avoidance intensive workshops can help immensely. It can set you on the path to resolving all the uneasiness and anxiety you might be facing, and help both you and your relationship. You can also explore the potential reasons behind your relationship anxiety and methods for overcoming it before turning to professional advocates for help. 

Why Am I Uneasy About My Relationship?

The feeling of uneasiness in a relationship is common. There comes a time in many relationships when one or both partners seem to struggle. These are the times when anxiety starts seeping in, making you feel restless and dissatisfied in your relationship. At these moments, you can even start losing sight of all the good aspects of your relationship and instead focus all your attention on the heavy negative emotions you are experiencing. 

And this hits hard, extremely hard. Especially if you have, or had, few reasons to feel anxious about your relationship before. Smooth and pleasant sailing only to be greeted with a sudden perfect storm of anxiety towards your relationship and your partner? Why?

The reasons for this burst of relationship uneasiness can sometimes be sudden and unexpected. They can also be the result of long-standing growing unhappiness and emotional neglect that have culminated, making you feel this way. These are only some of the reasons behind relationship anxiety:

• Fearing your own emotional vulnerability
• A time in your life that is bringing about significant change (starting a family, retirement, etc.)
• Being exposed to negative and unhealthy family relationships when growing up
• Past wounds from lack of childhood affection from parents
• Aging
• Excessive build-up of stress
• Insufficient and improper communication with your partner
• Negative experience from previous relationships that ended in extreme emotional turmoil
• Fear of being negatively evaluated or not accepted by your partner
• Fear of your partner leaving you

What Is Relationship Anxiety?

In plain words, relationship anxiety is a prolonged feeling of constant worrying and excessive emotional negativity on your part. Relationship anxiety is not something that happens solely in bad and unhealthy relationships. It can happen even in the happiest of times. Which does not make it easier. Not at all.

Imagine having a loving and caring partner. You have understanding, emotional and physical intimacy, and everything seems to be going smoothly. Until it isn’t. You begin overthinking and worrying about different aspects of your relationship. Will these good times last? Is this really the person for me? Are they hiding a secret I don’t know?

This can further spiral out of control. Anxiety is difficult to deal with and overcome even in healthy and happy relationships. It is particularly challenging to recognize in relationships that are going through a rough patch. It’s hard, it’s physically and emotionally exhausting, and it prevents you from enjoying a good relationship, while making a bad one worse. This is relationship anxiety. 

How Do You Know If You Have Relationship Anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is, at the same time, easy and difficult to detect. Why? Because it requires a good degree of becoming introspective and recognizing how you are feeling. You also need to  be completely open and honest about yourself, and be able to take a step back, evaluate your own actions and feelings, and draw conclusions. 

Telltale signs of relationship anxiety are easy to read, understand, and detect in others. Yet, it may be extremely difficult to see in yourself. Here are some of the most common signs that you might be anxious:

• Thinking about whether or not you matter to your partner
• Constantly doubting the feelings your partner has for you 
• Worrying about your partner breaking up and leaving you
• Fostering doubts about the long-term compatibility of your relationship
• Sabotaging your relationship by
  • Picking fights without an apparent reason
  • Refusing to discuss obvious issues
  • Putting relationship boundaries to the test
• Reading too much into your partner’s actions and words
• Focusing on the bad and not paying attention to the good

How Do I Fix Relationship Anxiety?

Fixing and overcoming relationship anxiety is a complex and lengthy process. You need to be prepared to take it in stages, take it slow, and take it head on. It can be difficult, it can be emotionally draining. However, know that the end is worth the struggles. 

Qualified coaches are there to help you if you hit a rough spot, or you find yourself lingering without a solution to your anxiety. However, first try to pay attention to several things that can really help with alleviating your anxiety and getting you back on the path to healthy relationships:

• Be mindful, recognize when negative thoughts start piling up, and allow them to pass without holding on to them.
• Try to practice good and healthy communication with your partner. Use “I” statements, express your feelings, and be a good listener. 
• Try not to immediately act on your negative thoughts and feelings. Process them, think them through, and act only when you’re certain they are more than an impulse. 

PIVOT Has Created Love Avoidance Intensive Coaching That Can Help Resolve Anxiety In Your Relationship

Constantly feeling anxious and uneasy in your relationship is the complete opposite of the loving, caring, and freeing sensation you want and hope to have. That’s what makes relationship anxiety extremely difficult to deal with and successfully overcome. Everything becomes even more complicated when you take into account all the potential reasons behind it.

Sometimes, anxiety in your relationship can stem from constantly avoiding even the healthy forms of conflict, or from past traumas and problems with bonding in a relationship. On other occasions, the reasons behind your anxiety can be even more severe, such as withstanding ongoing emotional abuse from your partner. If you find yourself struggling to pinpoint the cause behind your constant feelings of unhappiness and anxiety, and if you need a way to overcome those negative and burdening emotions, turn to PIVOT. We organize individual workshops for resolving emotional issues in relationships, as well as group coaching sessions to help you overcome anxiety. We are here to give you the help and the support you need.