Author: Lori Jean Glass

Opening up is very difficult for many people. Letting your guard down, allowing yourself to become vulnerable for even a second can seem like too much to handle. Why deal with the potential consequences of a negative emotional aftermath and pain? It seems a lot easier to simply remain distant and detached for some.

What about positive emotions, the lifting gorgeous feeling of sharing your deepest, innermost emotions with another person and receiving an equally open response? Is it better to walk through life protecting yourself from experiencing the bad if that also means preventing yourself from experiencing the good?

It’s not easy, we all know it. Everybody hurts, and the fear of getting hurt is real and tough to deal with. However, missing out on the beautiful moments in life can also hurt and leave behind a scent of bitter regret. That is why it’s worth trying to resolve the intimacy problems in a relationship. Let’s see how you can start. 

Why Do I Struggle To Open Up?

For some people, being open with their emotions is easy. They have the ability to freely share their deepest feelings with their close ones, without fearing emotional backlash. For others, the fear of opening up is simply too great. The potential emotional benefits of doing so vastly pale in comparison to the prospect of their feelings being used against them. They fear the pain. 

And that’s understandable. None of us want to hurt. None of us want to feel used, mistreated, and emotionally abused. We don’t want our emotions thrown back at us, warped beyond recognition. Some of us take the plunge, while others remain wary of showing their true colors to even those closest to them. 

There are many reasons for struggling to open up and fearing being emotionally manipulated after doing so. None of these reasons are easy to overcome and all of them can leave deep emotional scars in all of us.

• Fear of becoming vulnerable in front of somebody else
• There are insecurities about sharing your feelings with others and becoming emotionally available
• Past experience of your own openness being greeted with manipulation and judgement
• Detached relationships in your own family
• Harboring fear of uncovering previous emotional traumas after opening up about your feelings
• You have unfounded negative feelings about your own personality you don’t want others to see

What Does It Mean To Open Up Emotionally?

The simplest way to explain emotional openness is this – you allow people to get to know and experience the true you with all your beautiful aspects and imperfections. It means breaking down the barriers that surround you. This way, you will give others a chance to see everything you are and make yourself available for new experiences. 

And that’s exactly why becoming emotionally open can be so tough. And scary. Horrifying even. When you open up, you do so for the good and for the potentially bad. That can be rough, and no one wants to go be faced with negative emotions. However, without taking the risk, it’s difficult to experience all the beautiful things life has to offer. This is where boundaries and the choosing who you open up to matter greatly. In PIVOT, we use Relational Circle Boundaries to make it possible to begin to open up. 

Why Is It Important To Open Up To Others?

Opening up to others works both ways. You will get to share your positive and negative emotions with others, and you will also allow them to do the same with you. This helps deepen your personal relationships with both friends and your partner. 

However, what happens if you are scared to do so? What happens if you’re afraid of being vulnerable, of allowing yourself to become emotionally available to others only to hurt later on? Such thoughts are entirely normal and common. 

Some people simply find it too overwhelming to openly express their various feelings. Yet, at the same time, trying to save yourself from the potential negative consequences can also lead to negative consequences. 

Compare holding back your emotions to holding your breath. After a while, it becomes too difficult and painful. Instead, give it a shot, inhale the air, and see what happens. There are several benefits to opening up: 

• Improving your connection to others
• Understanding your own emotions better
• Boosting your emotional resilience and stamina
• Reducing stress and anxiety
• Improving your confidence
• Experiencing a greater sense of freedom
• Becoming open to new experiences

How Do You Open Up In A Relationship?

Your partner is one of the closest people to you. In a healthy relationship, they will be there for the good and the bad, the best and the worst. They will be there to pick you up when you’re down, and lift you up even further when you’re feeling good. 

Yet many of us stop ourselves from experiencing the benefits of an emotionally open relationship. We shut ourselves off even from our partners, fearing the vulnerability from doing so. 

Join PIVOT Relationship Intimacy Coaching Exercises And Start Opening Up To Others

There’s nothing easy about being unable to open up to others. To some, it may seem simple and easy to show your feelings, express your emotions, and share your inner thoughts and struggles with others. However, the matter is often a lot more complicated and difficult that it can initially look, and becoming emotionally open can be a terrifying prospect. 

The reasons behind emotional unavailability and closedness are many and varied. They can originate from excessive past emotional abuse, or they can be linked to being betrayed once or several times in your relationship. Sometimes, there is no honesty in a relationship that would facilitate open exchanges of both positive and negative emotions. 

All this can become detrimental to you and your partner, as well as your relationship. That is why PIVOT has designed both group emotional coaching workshops for resolving emotional issues, as well as individual coaching retreats that can help with trying to open up and resolve underlying issues. Our experienced advocates are here to help you resolve the problems you have and start enjoying the freedom of emotions. 

Most people feel guilty from time to time. You may feel guilt because you feel like you’ve done something wrong. Or you may even feel guilt for having a thought. Or, you may feel guilt when your thoughts and behaviors don’t match the expectations of your family or culture. The ways we experience and respond to guilt can vary greatly, as not everyone processes their emotions in the same way. 

However negative your associations with feelings of guilt may be, its purpose can actually be quite positive. Look at it this way: if an action causes you to feel negative emotions or has a negative consequence, you’ll probably feel guilty later on. This is your mind’s way of informing you that what you did was “wrong”, at least by your own standards. Essentially, guilt serves an important role in helping you make morally sound decisions. 

Unfortunately, guilt can turn excessive and cause a variety of obsessive or depressive tendencies that can damage your overall well-being and your relationships. If you experience excessive guilt on a regular basis, you may want to start by understanding the reasons why and devising ways to cope. 

Fortunately, there are numerous ways that you can minimize the effects of guilt, including sessions with a relationship coach, healthy relationship workshop activities, honest communication, and self-reflection. In the meantime, read on to learn more about guilt. 

What Causes Feelings Of Guilt?

Guilt can creep up on you for a whole range of reasons, some of which are perfectly rational. Others, not so much. 

Rational Guilt 

Rational guilt arises when you feel like you’ve done something wrong, that is, you’ve violated your own values and are going against your moral compass. For example, you may feel guilt because you have: 

• Hurt someone. 
• Cheated. 
• Lied. 
• Otherwise broken your own moral code. 

This form of guilt helps you regulate your social behavior and keep you on the right track toward achieving your goals. Nevertheless, even rational guilt can eat away at you, especially if you struggle with changing your behaviors. 

Irrational Guilt 

Irrational guilt is a different animal. It tends to come from our “shoulds”, that is, the rules we impose on ourselves. For instance, you may feel irrational guilt for: 

• Mistakenly assuming responsibility for other people’s feelings and behaviors. 
• Feeling like you are a burden to your loved ones. 
• Feeling like you haven’t done enough to make people happy. 
• Feeling like you’re not doing anything meaningful in your life. 

Of course, these are just a couple of examples of irrational guilt. You may feel guilt for a wide variety of different reasons unique to you. However, no matter the cause, irrational guilt can impact your mood, reduce your productivity and concentration, damage your relationships and actions in numerous ways. 

The difficult thing about irrational guilt is that it can easily disguise itself as rational guilt. After all, who says that it’s irrational to feel guilty about not spending enough time with your family? Or to feel guilty because you’re not taking enough opportunities in your life because of your perceived laziness? The thing is, this sort of reasoning often comes from an underlying anxiety or thoughts that you imported without reflection. If left to linger, irrational guilt can nag at you, regardless of what you actually do. In a sense, it tends to become even more irrational over time. 

What Are The Signs Of Guilt?

Guilt can result in a variety of physical, social, and emotional symptoms that influence your daily actions. Some of these may include the following: 

• Sleep disturbances
• Stomach and digestion problems 
• Muscle tension
• Heightened sensitivity to the effects of your actions
• Feeling overwhelmed by decision making 
• An extreme tendency to put others’ needs before your own 
• Impaired self-esteem 
• A persistent tendency to avoid uncomfortable emotions 

How Guilt Can Ruin A Relationship

Excessive guilt can have a detrimental effect on your romantic relationships. Ask yourself how many things in your life do you do out of guilt and obligation? Or out of fear that you may be losing your partner?  

You may go along with what your partner wants (or what you think they want) because you fear they may find someone better and leave you. Or you might fear being judged by your partner’s family and friends, so you try to impress them. As you can see, guilt and fear often go hand in hand. Together, they may cause feelings of uneasiness in your relationship, make it harder for you to open up, and cause feelings of resentment.

Evaluate the ways in which you respond to feelings of guilt – you may find that it controls your life far more than you thought, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. 

How Do You Deal With Guilt In A Relationship?

It can be quite hard to let go of persistent relationship patterns, especially when they are fueled by guilt. Still, you can learn to handle excessive guilt and overcome its effects. Here are some guidelines: 

• Develop better self-regulation skills and take action if you feel that your guilt is justified. 
• Practice mindfulness and meditation to put your guilt into perspective. 
• Don’t be too hard on yourself and learn forgiveness. 
• Learn from your guilt and your mistakes. 
• Keep your perfectionism in check and remember that your perspective may be skewed by your high expectations. 
• Speak with a relationship coach and discuss your guilt in depth to gain a new perspective. 

Visit A PIVOT Couple Workshop For Deepening Your Relationship

Whether you are dealing with rational or irrational feelings of guilt, speaking with a knowledgeable and compassionate relationship coach can be of great help. At PIVOT, we are dedicated to helping you and others like you develop a healthy relationship with emotions and facilitate positive behavioral change. 

Whether you opt for our individual coaching sessions or attend any of our intensive relationship workshops and retreats, we can provide you with invaluable tools and resources to help you on your journey towards becoming a healthy adult. Contact PIVOT now to learn more. 

Do you find yourself repeating the same frustrating patterns in your relationships, over and over again? 

Have some of your romantic relationships been dysfunctional in a similar way? And have they been eerily similar to your childhood relationships? 

If this resonates, don’t worry. Humans are habit-driven beings who go with what’s familiar, and relationships are no exception. And patterns that we witness or learn in childhood are some of the most familiar and more impactful as a result. 

It doesn’t make sense to repeat the patterns that once hurt you, does it? Why would someone who experienced emotional abuse want to go through it again? 

Well, it’s complicated, of course. To help shed some light, we will discuss why we repeat patterns, how to break them, and how speaking with a relationship coach may help. Read on. 

Do People Repeat Patterns In Relationships?

Yes, they do. Although the repeated behaviors don’t have to be dysfunctional, most people learn many of their behaviors from their parents and caregivers. These behaviors are often habitual and automatic, which can make changing them particularly difficult, and sometimes virtually impossible. 

In addition to learning behaviors from your parents or caregivers, you can also pick up unhealthy patterns in your romantic relationships in adolescence and adulthood. Unfortunately, the impact of such behavioral patterns is often heightened if the relationship is abusive or otherwise emotionally challenging.  

What Is An Example Of A Dysfunctional Relationship Pattern? 

In a sense, there may be as many dysfunctional relationship patterns as there are people. Still, here are some examples that may ring true: 

• Individuals with overbearing parents have deep fears of commitment.
• Kids with emotionally distant parents are emotionally distant themselves however they can cling on to unavailable people.
• People who were in a codependent relationship end up in another codependent relationship.
• People with erratic or moody family members are drawn to similar people in their adult relationships. 
• Anxious individuals with avoidant parents are drawn to avoidant partners, too 

The list goes on and on. You can probably imagine a variety of similar scenarios yourself. And it seems that most of them indicate the same thing – we repeat behaviors learned in childhood. 

Why Do People Repeat Relationship Patterns?

Numerous factors can cause us to repeat unhealthy or destructive patterns of behavior. Here are some examples: 

• You repeat what is familiar to you regardless of merit. People tend to repeat familiar subconscious and conscious behaviors because they know what to expect from them. This is true for many other things in life, as well. It’s often easier to choose the familiar over the unknown. 
• You repeat what you learned. The behavioral patterns, beliefs, and coping mechanisms you learned in childhood probably have a significant impact on your behavior in adulthood. Since they are so ingrained in your psyche, they can be incredibly hard to change. Beliefs, behavior, what’s “right” etc. 
• You unconsciously repeat traumatic experiences. While it may seem counterintuitive, people who felt unloved, rejected, or hurt in childhood may recreate the traumatic experiences in adulthood. This may be an unconscious effort to master the experience and accept it. Unfortunately, this often means simply that you end up in similarly dysfunctional relationships without managing to change a thing. 
• You sabotage yourself because you think you deserve it. Traumatized children often grow up thinking that they deserve punishment. They may be told that they are the reason why their family is so dysfunctional or they may be blamed in a less direct manner and internalize the shame. As a result, they may seek emotionally painful relationships in adulthood as punishment. 

How Do You Break Old Relationship Patterns?

If you have identified dysfunctional patterns in your romantic relationship, it may be time to take the first step towards breaking them. By exploring your past and its effects on your present, you can learn to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you. Try the following steps: 

Speak With A Remote Relationship Coach Now 

Do you need help uncovering unhealthy relationship patterns? Or are you struggling to overcome feelings of guilt? Contact PIVOT today and let us help you understand the complexities of attachment and begin transforming your relationships. We offer a wide range of relationship workshops for couples and singles, all designed to help you heal and work on becoming a healthier, happier adult. Contact us now. 

Have you ever wondered how some people manage to resist their temptations so easily while others struggle? Or how someone can remain calm in an emotionally tense situation? 

Issues with discipline, healthy emotional expression, impulse control, and delaying gratification can all be linked to one skill: self-regulation. 

In the most basic sense, self-regulation means controlling your behavior, thoughts, and emotions to achieve long-term goals. It helps you manage strong and disruptive impulses and emotions. Self-regulation is also what allows you to act consistently with your deeply held values and pick yourself up after a disappointment. 

If you are struggling with regulating your emotions, maintaining healthy connections with others, and achieving your goals, speaking with a relationship coach may help. In the meantime, read on to learn more about self-regulation and how you can learn this vital skill. 

What Is Self-Regulation Behavior?

Self-regulation can be understood as your ability to manage your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts to boost your well-being, maintain loving relationships, and facilitate learning. It is how you deal with stressful situations in your life. How you achieve your goals and lay the foundation for long-term success. Self-regulation requires self-awareness, effective stress management, emotional intelligence, sustaining focus, and overcoming temptations. 

How you self regulate in your adulthood is directly related to your childhood experiences. As a toddler, you probably threw a tantrum or two. Ideally, kids learn to tolerate strong emotions and grow into adults who can control their impulses. 

Unfortunately, not all children receive the same level of affection and support. If you struggle with keeping your emotions in check now, it is likely that one or more of your needs were not met when you were growing up. And there’s no shame in that. By learning effective self-regulation strategies, you can develop the ability to face social, cognitive, and emotional threats with thoughtfulness and patience. 

What Is An Example Of Self-Regulation?

If you can effectively self regulate, you’ll be able to understand and adequately manage your behavior and emotional reactions. Here are some more specific examples: 

• You are able to regulate reactions to strong or uncomfortable emotions such as excitement and frustration. 
• You can calm down after a distressing or exciting situation. 
• You are able to focus on a task as well as start new tasks.
• You can control your impulses.
• You can manage your emotions in a way that helps you connect with others.

What Are The Benefits Of Self-Regulation?

How does this improve your everyday life? Actually, in a number of ways. You can: 

• Improve your self-esteem and confidence 
•  Capable of handling frustration and stress more often
• Keep your anger in check 
• Express yourself authentically and thoughtfully 
• Act in accordance with your deepest values
• Be more effective at achieving academic and professional success 
• Bounce back from failure more easily 
• Overcome anxious attachment patterns 
• Stay calm under pressure 
• Learn to cope with arguments in your relationships 
• Establish and maintain healthier bonds with family, romantic partners, and friends 

All of these skills can boost your overall well being and help you achieve balance in your personal relationships. Self-regulation is a step toward healing your inner wound. It’s a step to becoming a confident, healthy adult who relies on thoughtful compassion to create lasting bonds with others and achieve their long-term goals. 

Can Self-Regulation Improve My Relationship? 

What if you can’t regulate your emotions effectively in a relationship with a partner? You may be likely to struggle with an array of potentially damaging behaviors. You might be prone to denial and avoidance. You may have a tendency to withdraw from conflict and distance yourself from your partner. Or you might isolate yourself to avoid stress or rejection. While these are all normal behaviors in some situations, they can damage your relationship over time and make it difficult to maintain intimacy and set healthy boundaries. 

Effective self-regulation can help you communicate with your partner honestly and openly. It can also help you build trust and intimacy, as well as learn how to effectively deal with conflict. If you can manage your emotions and impulses, you’ll find it easier to be vulnerable and maintain a relationship based on integrity, openness, and trust. 

How Do You Develop Self-Regulation?

In addition to learning better self-regulation skills, you can also get support from a knowledgeable and compassionate professional. Speaking with a relationship coach can help you improve these skills and build and maintain healthy relationships.

Speak With A Compassionate Remote Relationship Coach Today

At PIVOT, we strive to help couples and individuals develop healthy mechanisms for managing emotions and facilitating positive behavioral change. Do your emotions get the best of you? Does struggle maintaining lasting bonds sometimes seem impossible? Joining our carefully designed and tailored workshops can be a great first step to meaningful change. 

We are here for you, ready to offer insightful guidance and support on your path to achieving emotional wellbeing. Our team is experienced in helping individuals like you embrace their worth and overcome relational wounds. Contact us now to learn more about our modules and take the first step towards healing. 

No child grows up in a vacuum. Whether directly or indirectly, parents and caregivers influence the values and beliefs of their children. Your parents, for example, may have taught you directly what they believed was right or wrong. They may have also set an example for you on how to interact with others. What you learn from your parents and how you interact with them during childhood has a major impact on your own moral development. 

However, what if the values your parents instilled no longer match who you are as an adult? 

It is very common for children to grow up and develop different moral values and views than those of their parents. You might disagree with your parents on politics and religion. You may also have a different view on what a healthy family is. 

No matter the specific disagreements, getting along with your parents when you don’t share the same values can be challenging. Yet, it is possible to have a meaningful relationship with your family, and attending a relationship building skills workshop can be of great help in that. Keep on reading to find out how family can shape your values and what you can do if you don’t share their morals. 

How Does Your Family Affect Your Values?

Your family can mold your personality and values in a variety of subtle and direct ways. From teaching you what’s good and bad, right and wrong, to helping you develop relationships with your peers. However, their impact on your values doesn’t necessarily have to be positive or congruent with who you grow up to be. You may find that you no longer agree with your parents on things that matter to you and to them, such as religion, sexuality, or politics. 

The problem is, the ways of feeling, thinking, acting, and judging we learn in childhood often stay with us throughout our lives. And even if you try and reject your family’s influence on your values, you’ll often find that it’s harder than it seems. The morals, behaviors, and attitudes acquired in childhood are difficult to shake off, and it’s quite normal to keep reflecting your parents’ ways of thinking and behaving for quite some time. 

What If I Don’t Share Values With My Family?

Do you dread family gatherings? The dinner-table discussions that seem to end up in emotional arguments? Or are you tired of getting unsolicited advice from your family members on how you should live your life? 

Situations such as these can greatly affect the relationship you have with your family members. Even an innocent conversation can go downhill quickly if one of the more deeply held values is challenged on either side. This can lead to strained relationships, fewer gatherings, or even severing of the relationship if no common ground can be found. 

However, do you have to distance yourself from your family if they have different ethical standards? While having different values can put a serious strain on your family relationships, it doesn’t mean that you can’t make an effort to keep things in check. There are ways in which you can overcome the challenge of having different values than your family. However, not all families are the same. For some, their values may be so deeply ingrained and important that they would risk severing ties with their kids or siblings. 

How Do You Deal With Parents With Different Values?

If you don’t share all of your values with your parents, it is important to try and separate them as people from their opinions and beliefs. While it may be near impossible to keep your cool in some situations and uncomfortable moments, you can strive to stay calm and avoid personal attacks when trying to maintain a healthy relationship with your loved ones. Here are some tips: 

• Start by being honest. Being completely honest with your parents can be scary, no matter your age. Still, being straightforward and open about your values and beliefs can help maintain a relationship built on trust and respect.
• Listen to what your parents and siblings have to say. It might feel impossible to step back and listen when you’re angry. Still, allowing your parents to speak and say their piece and really listening to them can foster mutual respect. 
• Try to show them your perspective without trying to change their minds. People get defensive when their values are challenged. This may make them inflexible, judgmental, and unwilling to listen. Try showing them that your intention is not to change their mind, yet simply to share your view. 
• Ask them to respect your beliefs. There’s no shame in asking for respect back if you are making an effort to show respect yourself. Ask your family to at least respect your values, even if they disagree with them. 
• Consider avoiding some topics altogether. Sometimes, the most effective strategy for minimizing conflict and salvaging relationships is to avoid certain contentious topics completely. 

How Do I Overcome My Family’s Values And Create My Own Legacy? 

Unfortunately, not all relationships can be saved. Your family’s values, beliefs, and behaviors may be too hurtful or hateful that it might feel impossible to reconcile. While this may be incredibly difficult, it may be better for both parties to maintain some form of distance if mutual respect isn’t possible. This may mean setting strong boundaries or temporarily or permanently severing ties with the family members who are unwilling to nurture a healthy relationship.  

Ultimately, your values are your own, and you can work on creating your own legacy without guilt or fear. Appreciate what your family has taught you and provided you with, however, walk your own unique path. 

Do You Want To Build Trust In A Relationship? Attend A PIVOT Workshop And Learn How! 

In many cases, healthy communication skills and investing effort in building honesty and respect can salvage strained family relationships. At PIVOT, we can help you build trust and respect with your family members without sacrificing your own values. Our individual coaching sessions can give you useful resources on practicing better self-regulation skills and healing your attachment wounds. Contact us now to find out more about our unique relationship building skills workshops and start facilitating positive behavioral change.

The family you grow up in can shape your personality, your approach to life, and your personal relationships. In the ideal world, every child would get the chance to thrive in a family environment that provides them with love and support to have secure attachments. Unfortunately, that is far from being reality for many people today. 

If you feel like your parents or caregivers may have impacted your adult life in a somewhat dysfunctional way, you are not alone. Parenting and family relationships as a whole are incredibly complex, and even the people who have our best interest at heart may fail at providing us with the affection and support we need. This can result in a whole range of problems in the kid’s life, including impaired self-regulation behavior, self-esteem, and overall relationship happiness. 

In this article, you will learn how to spot dysfunctional patterns in your family, get tips on overcoming relationship challenges, and break the pattern of dysfunction to become a healthy adult. Keep on reading. 

What Is An Unhealthy Family Relationship?

A family relationship can be considered toxic or dysfunctional for a number of reasons. Some common patterns found in such families may include impaired communication, a lack of closeness, excessive criticism, lack of empathy, power struggles, and excessive expectations. 

Still, your family may be dysfunctional in a completely different manner. Only you know the unique impact your family has had on your life and your place in the world. The thing is, if you were raised by someone who failed to provide you with appropriate care and affection, there is a chance that this will result in an avoidant or anxious attachment style and influence your parenting style as well. 

Because of this, it is important to uncover any patterns of dysfunctional relationships in your family and try to stop them from hindering you. This is the first step towards breaking the pattern of family dysfunction and creating your own legacy with your own values. 

What Are The Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family?

Identifying unhealthy patterns in family relationships can be hard, especially if they are all you have ever known. Here are some common examples of dysfunctional families that may or may not apply to you: 

• Poor communication: dysfunctional families often have a hard time communicating and listening to each other. This may include not speaking to each other often, yelling, engaging in one-sided conversations, and so on. 
• Lack of intimacy: relationships built on intimacy are enriched by meaningful and deep connections. Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, often have intimacy issues. You might not b able to trust your parents or caregivers or you might feel like there’s no real closeness between you. 
• Constant sibling comparisons: Parents who blatantly and consistently compare their children can cause deep-seated insecurity that may last throughout their child’s life. It may even cause serious rivalries between siblings. 
• Constant criticism: many parents want what’s best for their kids and often criticize their choices. However, when criticism is relentless and meant to put you down, it can cause a wide array of self-image issues and insecurities. 
• Unpredictable environments: kids who are exposed to unpredictable and impulsive family interactions experience substantial emotional trauma. They may also perpetuate the same chaotic behaviors in their adult relationships as well. 
• Substance abuse and enabling behaviors: people who experience childhood trauma and are raised by someone who abuses substances are more likely to abuse alcohol and/or drugs in adulthood, too. Or, become codependent on taking care of others and enabling their spouse and/or children. 

How Do You Deal With An Unhealthy Family Relationship?

Dealing with an unhealthy family relationship is a long process that is unique to each family system. However, a good first step is usually to identify family patterns that do not serve you and look for ways to overcome the negative effects of your upbringing. You can also try: 

• Communicating honestly with your family members to invite them into a change process with you 
• Cutting ties with toxic family members or avoid certain family events 
• Setting appropriate boundaries to protect your well-being 
• Reaching out to professionals and finding resources to understand your family’s toxic patterns 

How Do You Break A Family Pattern Of Dysfunction?

It can take quite some time to break from a dysfunctional family pattern. Still, identifying and overcoming unhealthy relationship behaviors can help you step into relational change and pivot into a healthy adult. Here are some guidelines you can follow: 

• Find courage: it takes a great deal of bravery to confront your family. Try to develop coping strategies for conflict and prepare yourself before opening up dialogue with your family members.  
• Learn how to set boundaries: healthy emotional and physical boundaries can help you keep your distance from troubling family members and minimize their impact on your wellbeing. 
• Minimize contact: unfortunately, it is sometimes impossible to salvage dysfunctional relationships. If your attempts to remedy the relationship have failed, it may be time to cut contact with the family member for a period of time. 
• Find a healthy support system: do you have friends or other family members you can rely on when things get tough? This can be of immense value if you find it overwhelming to deal with the harmful family relationships on your own. 
• Let go of things that you can’t change: it is often futile to try and change the opinions and behavior of your family members and trying to do so may cost you quite a bit of energy and nerves. 
• Seek guidance from compassionate and knowledgeable relationship coaches. Professionals can help you identify unhealthy relationship patterns and provide you with resources for breaking them. 

Looking For A Relationship Problems And Solutions Retreat? Contact PIVOT Now 

PIVOT is here to provide you with valuable resources and tools for improving your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. With our help, you can find the courage to leave behind the unhealthy patterns that no longer serve you and build new habits to improve your wellbeing. Feel free to contact us to find out more about our carefully crafted individual coaching modules as well as our customized workshops for relationship problems. Get in touch with us now. 

Even stable relationships have their ups and downs. It’s quite normal to exchange different opinions and disagree with your partner on certain issues. However, when does this become a problem? When disagreements become more and more frequent and normal exchanges turn into heated arguments or fights. When fights become so common that you celebrate the times when there aren’t any. This can be a sign that you and your partner may need to take a step back and assess the situation.

While relationships differ, fighting on a daily basis can become mentally, physically, and emotionally draining and you probably want the fighting to stop. You may want to consider joining a couple relationship management workshop and seeking support from expert coaches. Learning more about why you do what you do – individually and together can be the first step toward positive change. 

Is It Normal To Fight Every Day In A Relationship?

Experiencing disagreements, arguments, and even fights with your partner is a normal part of being in a relationship. In fact, having a peaceful argument with your partner can be beneficial to your wellbeing, as well as improve the quality of your relationship. 

However, what happens if you the fights become so frequent they’re almost daily? When they become so heated you end up feeling tired and drained afterward? It might be a good idea to try and resolve the underlying issues that are instigating arguments in the first place.

Also, there is no reason to allow your arguments to become disrespectful and end up hurting both of you without actually reaching a conclusion. And yes, there are several ways to keep your arguments respectful and less draining:

• Try not to allow your emotions to influence the things you say.
• Attempt to speak in “I” phrases rather than “you” phrases.
• Do your best to avoid assaulting your partner’s character.
• Focus on the issue at hand as much as you can.
• Try to point out the problems without disrespecting your partner.
• Do what you can to avoid threats of leaving.
• Refrain from resorting to emotional or physical abuse.

Why Do I Get Tired When I Argue?

Feeling exhausted after being in a fight with your partner is only one of the many disadvantages of experiencing constant disagreements and arguments. The main reason behind your exhaustion is the innate stress fighting brings. 

Stress caused by fighting also leads to increased muscle tension, as well as a boosted arousal of the autonomic nervous system. When all this combines, you will end up feeling tired. You may also experience headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and aches and pains in your muscles.

Constant and prolonged fighting can take a serious toll on you and your partner’s bodies, leading to actual physical sickness. Stress can compromise your immune system, which impacts the ability of your body to remain healthy and ward of potential diseases. 

What To Do When You Are Tired Of Fighting?

You can actually stop the vicious cycle of constant argument with your partner in a peaceful way. Preventing constant fights from arising could be a crucial step toward you and your partner finding relationship happiness and satisfaction. It can be worth trying to stop them from happening. Here’s what you can try to do:

• Calmly discuss your problems and individual dissatisfactions.
• Spend time listening to your partner without preparing your defense.  
• Get Curious as to why your partner is upset.
• Pinpoint the underlying reasons behind your arguments.
• Take the time to reflect on the new discoveries before discussing them again.
• Switch to a more positive approach and remember the reasons why you’re in a relationship with your partner. 
• Try to make some relationship changes together with your partner.
• Consider giving therapy a try. 

How Do You Cope After An Argument?

Silence, anger, grudges. All this remains if you and your partner don’t know how to cope with your arguments. It takes two to tango and dealing with the aftermath of a fight is essential for ensuring both you and your partner’s points of view were heard and acknowledged. Yes, it may be difficult to make the first step. Say the first “I’m sorry”. Acknowledge your own mistakes. Then, where to start?

• Take some time to cool off.
• When you feel it’s right, extend an additional olive branch besides the already spoken “I’m Sorry”..
• Take the time to listen to your partner’s perspective, and expect the same.
• Try to acknowledge your partner’s point of view, and share your own.
• It is good to attempt not to share blame.
• Try discussing the root issue, not details from the fight itself. 
• Work together with your partner to find a solution and a resolution.

PIVOT Designs Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities That Can Help With Your Arguments

Experiencing arguments and fights in a relationship is difficult. Even sporadic fights can be an emotionally and physically tasking experience that can leave you feeling completely drained once it’s over. The worst thing about relationship arguments is they can occur for a variety of reasons and it can be difficult for you to pinpoint exactly why they’re happening. 

Perhaps you or your partner have experienced relationship betrayal, causing you to be on edge, or one or both of you are high-conflict individuals looking to pick a fight. Sometimes, it may be because both partners are experiencing dissatisfaction within the relationship, and they are simply not able to better communicate their feelings and desires. 

Determining the cause behind the arguments is an important step in resolving the conflicts. That is what experienced relationship advocates at PIVOT can help you with. We have created both individual workshops for couple relationship management, as well as group relationship emotional coaching sessions meant to help resolve the problems between you and your partner. Call us today and seek the support you need.