Author: Lori Jean Glass

Although it may sound like a tired cliche, make no mistake – communication truly is the key to a successful relationship. When it’s going smoothly, both you and your partner feel like you’re being heard and acknowledged. This enables you to freely share experiences, thoughts, and feelings with one another, strengthens your bond, and builds trust. 

On the other hand, clashing communication strategies can lead to the withdrawal from the other person. This can seriously undermine the relationship and ultimately end in breakup or divorce. This is why it’s important to spot communication breakdowns and work on resolving them.

Start by learning more about healthy communication, ways to identify potential problems between you and your partner, and how to adopt a more effective strategy to connect with them.

What Are The Four Communication Styles?

Some partners communicate effortlessly while others seem to be speaking different languages. The reason behind this could be different communication styles. While every individual may use all four styles at different times and with different people, each person typically tends to favor one of them. You can often notice this from the moment you meet them. Each style also comes with its set of non-verbal cues that help get the message across. By learning to recognize which one you and your partner use most often, you may realize how to communicate more effectively.

These are the four commonly known styles of communication:

• Passive: Passive communicators usually lack initiative and go along with what others say. They shy away from conflict by handing over their autonomy. In a relationship, they feel more comfortable when the partner makes decisions and takes charge. They tend to avoid arguments, keeping their dissatisfaction to themselves. The characteristics of passive body language are breaking eye contact and acting nervously.
• Aggressive: These people typically communicate in a domineering way. They assert their needs, make demands, and take the lead. They usually dominate the conversation, paying little attention to what the other person has to say. They’re openly confrontational and even combative. Their body language is often intimidating and their tone of voice can be harsh.
• Passive-aggressive: This is a person that sends mixed messages. Instead of being direct, they use sarcastic remarks and indirect criticism to convey their resentment. For example, they may be punishing their partner with the silent treatment while insisting that everything is okay. They can act like they’re fine, but throw in veiled remarks when the other person least expects it.
• Assertive: This is the healthiest communication style that most people aspire to achieve. Assertive communicators are able to express themselves calmly, directly, and openly while also respecting the other person’s points of view. They come off as self-assured but non-threatening.

What Are Some Bad Communication Patterns?

Everyone is likely to use some negative communication strategies from time to time. These methods are largely ineffective because they antagonize, disrespect, or hurt the other person. Instead of bringing you closer together, they drive a wedge between you and your partner.

So, knowing how to identify them and what tactics to apply istead can help you strengthen rather than weaken your relationship. These are some examples of unproductive techniques:

• Not listening: Thinking only about what you have to say without paying attention to the other person’s point of view is a recipe for disaster. In successful conversations, the people are on equal footing, both sharing and receiving information. The person who isn’t heard feels underappreciated while the other partner misses out on understanding their loved one better.
• Being disrespectful: Insults are hurtful and detrimental to self-esteem. Calling your partner names and “hitting below the belt” never leads to a satisfactory resolution of conflict. Instead, it drives you farther apart and seriously jeopardizes your relationship.
• Criticizing on a personal level: Personal criticism feels like an outright attack. It’s embarrassing, belittling, and painful. As an alternative, address the problem calmly and directly while focusing on the behavior that bothers you, not the person. Saying you’d like your partner to help with chores is much more effective than calling them good-for-nothing.
• Acting defensively: When facing criticism, many people resort to defensiveness. You or your partner may make excuses for your behavior or flat out deny it. However, this is unproductive because you don’t give yourself the opportunity to hear your partner out and identify an area where you could improve. And vice versa. 
• Shutting down: Some individuals tend to get back at their partners by giving them the silent treatment, also known as stonewalling. This is very frustrating for the other person who’s trying to reach them and iron out the problems. 

How Do I Improve Communication In My Relationship?

Communication skills can be greatly improved, especially with the help of relationship coaching. Here are a few things to try that can help you convey your message more successfully and be happier in your relationship:

• Don’t assume they’ll read your mind and don’t attempt to read theirs. Openness and direct communication with a focus on care for the other person is the goal. If you believe there’s something they’re not disclosing, ask them about it.
• Think everything through before you start a difficult conversation. Let your feelings subside before you do anything rash and hurt your partner with insults. It’s much better than apologizing and saying you didn’t really mean it after damage is done.
• Consider consulting with a relationship coach. If you and your partner keep failing to communicate, maybe you need a neutral third party to assist you. With professional help, you can uncover negative communication patterns, as well as other potential problems that may be holding you and your partner back. 

What Relationship Coaching Program Can Help Me Spot Love Avoidance Characteristics?

Learn how to become an assertive communicator at PIVOT. Our eye-opening process of pivoting gives participants a better understanding of themselves and their attachment styles, helping them build close, lasting bonds. 

If you join our rewarding individual workshop sessions, our caring relationship advocates will be there to offer you expert guidance. Couples can also find healthy techniques to cope with outside pressures and take their relationship to the next level by taking part in our helpful couples workshop. 

Learn how to improve your self-awareness and re-discover your inner strength by reaching out to us today.

When you’re meeting someone for the first time, you cannot know if the person will be just an acquaintance or someone who’ll have a profound impact on your life. There are many factors that may influence how you perceive this person and whether you wish to get to know them better. 

And how do first impressions affect a romantic relationship? Why do people find it hard to let go of them further down the road? Discover the importance of first impressions and potentially learn to overcome them in a reliable relationship coaching retreat for singles. 

Does First Impression Matter In A Relationship?

Since this initial opinion of the new person determines whether or not you decide to pursue a closer relationship with them, it is often crucial. First impressions are typically tough to override, so people may only have this one chance to form the basis for a future relationship. While it is no guarantee, if you establish rapport with the new person, a fulfilling bond may develop from there. 

How Important Are First Impressions In A Relationship?

Unless you have other reliable information about the person, you base your whole perception of them on your first impression. Unsurprisingly, it’ll be the deciding factor in whether or not you decide to get closer to them. This means that these early opinions have a huge impact on the start of the relationship. However, they also go beyond this. 

They may also have far-reaching consequences if a person comes to realize that their partner didn’t measure up to their original expectations. Sometimes, a partner’s failure to live up to this idealized image may lead to the end of the relationship.

How Are First Impressions Formed?

People typically form their first impressions in a matter of seconds and without thinking about it. Although they may not realize it, their inner judge of character is on call, detecting subtle signals and forming opinions of the new people they meet. 

Many factors play into forming first impressions, including societal, cultural, and personal influences. Apart from paying attention to what they’re saying, non-verbal cues play a huge part in forming an opinion of someone. For example, someone who is smiling and exhibiting open body language (uncrossed arms and legs), is more likely to make a good impression. People often have a positive bias toward those who are conventionally attractive and well-dressed too. 

There’s also a tendency to form positive perceptions of those that share a certain commonality with us. For example, people can bond over their taste in music or movies, their similar sense of style, or another shared interest or trait.

Why Do We Hold Onto Our First Impressions In A Relationship?

As the relationship progresses and partners get to know each other more, they often realize that their first impressions of each other were wrong. Since they’re often idealized images of the partner, they aren’t sustainable in the long run. 

For example, a person may be drawn to their partner’s determined and outspoken nature at first. Then, over time, they may start to think of them as a pushy know-it-all. Or, someone could initially admire their partner’s easy going personality only to get disappointed with their lack of responsibility. 

This creates cognitive dissonance. This is a sense of discomfort that happens when someone realizes something that clashes with their existing beliefs. It’s usually difficult to accept that they misjudged the other person and people employ different tactics to deal with this realization. 

One strategy that people use is denial. They may simply refuse to accept the truth and hold onto the image of their partner as strong-willed instead of forceful for as long as they can. Another way to deal with the dissonance is placing blame. The person will accuse the partner of disappointing them. Finally, some people will acknowledge the realization they’ve made and determine if it’s a deal breaker or something they can live with. This is the healthiest strategy to adopt.

Are Our First Impressions Of A Potential Partner Right?

They may or may not be, depending on the particular situation. However, most people do tend to put on rose-colored glasses in the very beginning of their relationship. 

These idealized views of your partner are fueled by the novelty and excitement of a new relationship. When these feelings wear off, you can come to a deeper understanding of their partner as a person. While this will shatter some illusions about your partner, it’s also an opportunity for you to grow closer, understand each other better, and strengthen as a couple.

It’s all about being honest with yourself and trusting your feelings and thoughts. If you notice that there’s something that rubs you the wrong way in your relationship, it’s a good idea to acknowledge and explore this. You may realize that even though your partner doesn’t live up to your initial expectations, they may be able to work on it or provide you with something even more valuable. Alternatively, you may decide to move on and seek romantic fulfillment with another person. 

Where Can I Join A Couples Workshop for Deepening a Relationship?

PIVOT offers a comprehensive curriculum that will guide you through the process of growing into a Healthy Adult. Our dedicated relationship advocates will help you develop greater self-awareness and find the inner strength to overcome challenges in your relationship and other areas of life. 

By working through your early painful experiences, you’ll get to know yourself better and adopt healthy strategies for coping with psychological challenges. You’ll also discover how to communicate with your partner more effectively, form a mutually fulfilling connection, and protect your relationship from external pressures. Sign up for one of our healing individual coaching sessions to break away from harmful patterns. We’ll provide you with the tools and resources that will aid your personal journey. We also recommend a rejuvenating stay at our Glass House retreat. Give us a call to get started.

Even compatible couples face some bumps in the road from time to time. Relationship success isn’t measured by whether or not problems arise because they likely will at times. It’s actually about navigating these issues together in a healthy and effective way. Challenges may actually strengthen the bonds between you and your partners if they find productive ways of dealing with them as a couple.

Getting to know more about the causes and effects of these pressures is the first step to overcoming relationship challenges. Find out how to recognize the root causes and signs of relationship tension, learn how external factors can affect a couple, and discover healthy strategies for overcoming these difficulties.

What Is Tension In A Relationship?

Relationship tension manifests itself as negative emotions concerning the partner and the relationship. You could be anxious and worried about your future together. It can be caused by a wide variety of internal and external factors. For example, realizing that your partner doesn’t live up to the first impression you had of them can generate tension. Or, interfering family members can put a pressure on the relationship.

Is Tension Normal In A Relationship?

While some movies and social media would have you believe otherwise, all couples have their ups and downs. To an extent, tension is an integral part of life. This means loving, healthy relationships will also face difficulties. It’s how you handle them that determines whether their relationship will disintegrate or continue thriving. If the tension is overwhelming and affects the partners’ mental well-being, relationship coaching can help them communicate better and overcome it.

What Are Internal Relationship Pressures?

Internal pressures can come from different sources, such as:

• Personal differences: Different religions, backgrounds, and upbringing can be points of contention between you and your partner. However, if you react to them with curiosity and then acceptance, these issues don’t have to negatively affect the relationship.
• Miscommunication: Differences in communication styles can cause serious misunderstandings. Not being able to listen and share effectively makes it very difficult to work together on overcoming problems.
• Skewed power dynamic: One partner tends to dominate the dynamic while the other one puts their needs aside for the sake of preserving the relationship. This inequality often results in tension and dissatisfaction. 
• Failed expectations: Conflict usually arises when you or your partner’s initial expectations aren’t met. For example, you may love your partner’s spontaneity at first and then realize that you actually find them disorganized and lazy after a while. You may then feel angry and betrayed.
• Suspicion and jealousy: These feelings can make the person insecure, fearful of the future, and controlling of their partner. It can lead to arguments, growing distrust, and finally cause the partners to grow apart.

What Are External Factors In Relationships?

There are many outside factors that can put a strain on a relationship, including:

• Financial difficulties, like being in debt or going bankrupt.
• School or work-related tension, such as unemployment, the stress of an important exam, or the challenges of a high-pressure career.
• Family members who meddle by not approving of the relationship or turning the partners against each other. 
• Health issues, which may mean that the bulk of the work and care for one partner will fall on the other one.
• A loved one’s illness or passing, which can devastate the couple and lead to dissatisfaction in other areas of life.
• Political conflicts and natural disasters, which can be extremely threatening and affect the couple emotionally, socially, and financially.

Can Outside Stress Ruin A Relationship?

Unfortunately, external pressures can deeply undermine a relationship and destroy it. Stress that originates from things that are beyond your control, like intense job demands and health problems, easily spills over into the relationship. 

When you and your partner are affected by outside stressors, you tend to think, feel, and do things that you otherwise wouldn’t. For example, it can make you hypersensitive and argumentative over small, insignificant things. Stressed people often react impulsively and blow things out of proportion. 

You can also vent your frustrations by taking them out on the people closest to you, including your partner. While looking for an outlet during stressful times is advisable and healthy, picking fights with your partner is an ineffective way to do so. 

How Do You Fix Tension In A Relationship?

These are some strategies to use to alleviate relationship tension:

• Show your affection: It’s easy to forget to show your partner that you care during times of stress. However, it’s advisable to still find time for each other and give one another the support you need.
• Work on your communication skills: Convey your opinions and feelings clearly, both verbally and using your body language. Relationship coaching can be very helpful when it comes to achieving this.
• Realistic expectations: Get your expectations in check.  Try not to have unrealistic expectations on your partner being responsible for your feelings.  Each of you are responsible for how you are choosing to communicate.
• Calm down before you talk things through: Try to decompress before you have a conversation with your partner. Discussing things with a clear head is usually more productive. Also, this may give you a better insight into the situation. 

Can I Solve Relationship Problems By Finding Solutions At A  Retreat?

Here at PIVOT, trained relationship advocates are committed to helping individuals and couples overcome the hurdles that stand in their way. We can provide you with a tailored coaching plan based on our extensive curriculum. As part of our carefully designed individual coaching program, you’ll learn how to recognize the root causes of your current challenges, resolve them, and attach to your partner securely.

By joining our Glass House retreat program for a 5-day stay, you’ll get to work with Master PIVOT advocates and go over a personalized plan. This experience includes one-on-one, group, and experiential coaching sessions as well as meditation, yoga, and balanced nutrition. We host up to six clients at a time to make sure each one receives the unique support they need. Become aware of the underlying causes of your behavior and gain inner strength to resolve the issues that you’re experiencing in your relationship. Join our programs to work through your early wounds and find an effective way to attain peace of mind.

“One aspect of the PIVOT process that I truly appreciate is the emphasis on the entire human experience – and not just speaking to labels. Because it’s not about what’s wrong with you. It’s about what happened to you. The PIVOT process empowers clients with life-affirming tools to connect the dots about why you do what you do – and offers tangible and practical solutions,” says PIVOT Coach and former PIVOT client Fernando. He explains that many individuals turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, and other addictions to endure and survive trauma. Part of the multi-faceted process of overcoming addiction is to discover healthier and more productive ways to live in the world.

Beyond Childhood Trauma

The PIVOT process, continues Fernando, goes deeper into developmental psychology than a lot of other work he has witnessed in his career as a behavioral health professional, former professor, and supervisor to newer clinicians. Although much trauma originates in childhood, he explains that we also confront adversity when interacting with society, government, natural catastrophes, and personal issues that can’t be traced to our early years. Coach Fernando asserts that it’s also important to note that relational problems – including attachment wounds -can start in adulthood. One of Fernando’s clients, for example, had a happy and healthy childhood. Yet this client had to work through the severe trauma that began in adulthood resulting from his mother’s sudden and untimely death.

Says Fernando: “We’re all about relationships. Nobody lives on an island in a vacuum. We must relate and interact with people in our communities, our families, our workplace, and in our social circles. That’s why relational work is essential to overall well-being.”

Complete Circle

“Lori Jean’s Relational Circle Boundaries is Ph.D. level boundary work, yet it’s presented so simply. I have a master’s degree in counseling and am a voracious reader, and I’ve never seen boundary work presented in such a user-friendly way,” says Fernando.

He adds that it’s important to look at the whole perspective, which is a focus in the PIVOT process, and not be pulled into all-or-nothing thinking. “What I’ve learned and what we teach here about boundaries is that in lieu of merely having on and off switches, we can install dimmer switches. Doing so allows us to give each of our relationships the energy it deserves based on these layers and categories of boundaries.” He says that every PIVOT Coach is educated and certified in the PIVOT process, and many of these Coaches were previously PIVOT clients, too. Couples, families, and business professionals have also greatly benefited from the process.

Fernando says the process has helped him understand himself with much greater clarity and has provided him with life-changing repair tools to forge ahead. “So many people come here with a keen awareness of what’s wrong and a list of labels. Yet they don’t know what to do or what steps to take to move forward. It wasn’t until many of my clients were introduced to the PIVOT process that they could fully see themselves – and understand why they are the way they are.”

Optimized for Organization

“People who have experienced the PIVOT process – including myself – feel a lot more organized internally. Instead of feeling like I had a big mess inside my brain, I was able to organize the different parts of myself. Although this knowledge alone didn’t take anything away, my brain and my heart was tidied up. The work I did allowed me to gain a greater understanding of what happened during instrumental periods in my life; how it impacted me and others; where I am today; and where to go from here.”

One benefit to the one-week intensive at the PIVOT Glass House, according to Fernando, is the way in which the program is sequenced. Considerable thought was devoted to the way the PIVOT program – which was developed over a nine-year-period in a residential clinical setting – is curated and introduced to clients. He also says that the ability to participate in groups, one-on-one, and experiential sessions offers clients optimal benefits. “The bottom line,” explains Fernando, “is that we want to identify, restore, and repair. This process is our responsibility – and cannot be delegated to our partner or anyone else. We must be ready and willing to do our work to heal.”

He explains that we must embrace self-love before we can truly help others. “It’s important to give to others from your overflow – and not from an empty glass. If your glass is overflowing, you can give to others without ever feeling empty.”

At the start of a relationship, you may find it hard to spend a day away from your partner. Unfortunately, the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship doesn’t last forever. As time goes by, you and your partner may not be as inseparable as you were initially, and that’s okay. 

However, what if this scenario doesn’t happen at all? What if you or your partner keep on insisting on being inseparable? Whether you two have decided to move in together or see each other every day, it’s likely that one of you may start feeling stifled.

Luckily, most relationship problems and challenges have solutions. Keep on reading to find out what happens when you spend too much time with your partner and how you can maintain the spark even while living together. 

Can Spending Too Much Time Together Ruin A Relationship?

While spending every waking hour in the company of your partner may seem like a dream come true, this is rarely a relationship model that works. To be truly fulfilled, people need independence and some time away from their significant other. Being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean you don’t also require a rich social life that includes more than one person. 

If a couple focuses all their attention on each other, shutting out the outside world, this may create a codependent relationship. People in this type of relationship are at risk of clinging onto one another in an unhealthy way, which can cause multiple issues. 

For example, the couple may grow apart from the other people in their lives, losing friendships and family ties. As their world gets smaller and smaller, they may experience problems with self-worth and decision making. One or both partners may feel uneasy acting independently and without the approval of their significant other. 

Also, because they become each other’s only meaningful social interaction, one or both of them may cling onto the relationship at all costs. This may cause them to gloss over the other partner’s hurtful behavior and the dysfunctionality of the relationship. Codependency often enables people’s destructive patterns, like playing martyr or over-indulgent behavior.

However, different people have different relationship ideals, which may all be equally healthy. While some need more time on their own, others don’t feel overwhelmed by spending most of their time as a couple. If you feel confident and empowered both on your own and together, you’re probably on the right track. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine what works for your relationship and strike a balance that suits you.

How Do You Know If You’re Spending Too Much Time Together?

The most important question to ask yourself here is: “How do you feel when you’re apart?” If you feel insecure and like someone pulled the rug out from your feet, it may be a sign that you’re using your partner as a safety blanket. If you’re overcome with suspicion and jealousy when your partner is away, it may also signal a problem. Overall, healthy partners are independent individuals in their own right, who grow and learn from their relationship without losing a part of themselves to stay in it.

You can also consider how you feel when you’re together. Proximity often gives birth to boredom and routine, which can jeopardize the future of the relationship. There are several signs that you may be spending too much time together, such as:

• You’re out of conversation topics.
• You don’t text or talk on the phone.
• You rarely go out or have fun together. 
• You don’t do anything new.
• You have less sex.
• You have arguments more frequently.

Does Spending Time Apart Help A Relationship?

Spending time apart can actually be beneficial for your relationship. It can reduce friction and invigorate the relationship. Here’s how:

• It gives you something to talk about, as you’ll have interesting individual experiences to share.
• It gives you a chance to miss each other, which can reignite the spark that you may have lost.
• You stop taking each other for granted because spending time together becomes a rare and valuable commodity.
• You maintain separate identities, which is an important part of how we view ourselves and how others see us.
• You keep in touch with the world around you, maintaining other fulfilling relationships in your life.

How Do You Keep Your Relationship Alive When Living Together?

No matter if you’ve recently moved in together or you’ve been sharing a home for a while, you may feel you need more independence. Although you may share everything down to your finances, there are still ways to stay connected to yourself and keep your autonomy. Here are a few things to do:

• Have enough me time: Take time out for yourself whether you’ll take a walk, have a spa day, or lounge in front of the TV. This helps you recalibrate, focus on your own well-being for a while, and see things more clearly.
• Have hobbies you do separately: Although sharing with your partner is a lot of fun, it’s a good idea to have something all to yourself. This can be your thing, which boosts your confidence and becomes a big part of your independent identity.
• Maintain friendships you had before and meet new people on your own: Many people’s friends become their partner’s friends, too. While this is perfectly normal, retain a degree of independence by socializing without your partner.

Can I Fix My Relationship In A Pleasant Retreat?

At PIVOT, people can learn more about themselves and find the right balance in their relationships. Our caring relationship advocates will guide you on your journey of self-understanding, providing compassionate support and sharing a wealth of information along the way.

Our individual workshops will teach you how to outgrow your early hurt and act in healthy ways while our couples workshops are a perfect opportunity to re-think your relationships and pave the way for more successful connections. Access the tools that you need to establish yourself as a Healthy Adult and start on a more beneficial path in life. Get in touch with us today!

Do you dream of spending your days and nights by your partner’s side, cuddling, watching the TV, or preparing delicious meals together? Or do you fear that you’ll sacrifice your precious alone time by moving in with your partner? 

Moving in together has its pros and cons, and each couple may have their own unique expectations regarding the right time to take the step toward cohabitation. Some may choose to move in after a couple of weeks or months, while others may wait until marriage. However, both of these options can lead to problems along the way, and you might seek out private couple retreats for reconnection with your partner far sooner than you thought.

Each relationship has its own pace, and it’s up to you and your partner to decide when to start living together. Keep on reading to find out what to consider before making a choice and what to expect from cohabitation.  

When Is It A Good Idea For Couples To Move In Together?

Depending on their values and religious beliefs, people can have radically different opinions on the right timeline for moving in together. However, religious beliefs aside, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Nevertheless, there are some things you may want to consider before making the decision, including: 

Are You And Your Partner On The Same Page? 

If you and your partner feel the same regarding the seriousness of your relationship and your future together, moving in together may be a good next step. Naturally, you may want to take into account the time you’ve known each other, considering the heightened emotions common at the start of a relationship. If you are unsure, have an open and honest conversation with your partner to determine what might be best for the two of you. At PIVOT, we call this looking at your relationship through the lens of the Whole Perspective – spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and financially.  You don’t have to be on the same page in these categories however you DO want to understand how your partner lives from this lens.

Are You Moving Out Of Convenience? 

Living together can be a sound financial decision, especially for young people who struggle to pay rent. However, taking this step early on, while disregarding the nature of the relationship, can lead to trouble down the road. Some people are simply happier while living apart. On top of that, some couples may keep on living together out of financial reasons and end up feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship. 

What Are Your Thoughts On Marriage? 

There’s plenty of variability in the way people think about marriage nowadays. Some people may choose to wait until marriage to start living together, while others may not want to get married at all. Where you and your partner are on this spectrum is an important factor in determining the right time to move in. Unless you two are on the same page regarding your future together, cohabitation may not be the best choice. 

Is It Normal To Have Doubts Before Moving In Together?

Of course it is. For some people, exchanging their solitary lifestyle for cohabitation is a huge step. In addition to wanting to preserve your freedom, you may also have doubts about the relationship itself, and that’s okay. If that is the case, you may want to voice your concerns to your partner and have a straightforward conversation with them. Once you start living together, it may get more difficult to leave the relationship if you realize you two are not a good match. 

What Do Couples Talk About Before Moving In Together?

There are several important topics to consider if you’ve decided to move in together. These may include: 

• Finances: While it may not seem romantic, money is quite important in relationships. How you and your partner decide to spend and save your money, whether you split expenses or have a joint account, will have a direct impact on the success of your relationship. 
• Time: If you or your partner are used to seeing each other only a couple of times a week, you may find yourself feeling stifled when being constantly together. This doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed or that one of you will cheat. To prevent feelings of frustration and guilt, be honest with your partner about your needs and wants. 
• Habits: In addition to the way you like to spend your time, you and your partner may differ in other respects. For instance, you may want your new place to be spotless and furnished with the trendiest pieces of furniture. Your partner, on the other hand, might be perfectly fine with a modest, messy home. 

Honest conversation is key to making your relationship work. This is especially important when deciding to start your life together. While you and your partner may be hesitant to speak about the less rosy aspects of the relationship, you won’t agree on everything, however hard you may try. Instead of waiting for issues to blow up later on, it may be best to discuss any potential challenges early on, before you commit to living together. 

Do Relationships Change When You Move In Together?

Living together with your partner is a big change. No matter how long you two have known each other and how well suited you think you are, some time may need to pass before you adjust completely. 

Be prepared to see your partner in a new light, with all their good and bad habits. Expect them to see you differently, too. On top of that, you may have far less time for solitary activities you love. All of these things can change your relationship for better or worse. Either way, it’s highly likely that you’ll encounter some challenges when you first move in together. Luckily, you can overcome most of these with some patience and honest communication. 

Visit Our Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals & Embrace Change 

PIVOT is here to help you make sound decisions for your future and deal with relationship challenges as they come. By learning relationship building skills in our individual coaching sessions or choosing one of our tailored couple workshops, you’ll be better equipped to take steps toward a happier, more fulfilled life. Get in touch with us today!

During the initial fiery stage of a relationship, it may be tempting to wave off any mentions of the importance of money. After all, isn’t it true that two people can overcome anything as long as they love each other? At PIVOT, we look at love as a verb.  Not everyone is in a state of consciousness of love in their relationship 100% of the time!

However, if you are to maintain a stable relationship, you and your partner would need to plan for the future, which is likely to involve renting or purchasing a place to live together, owning a car, perhaps raising children, planning retirement, and the list goes on. All of these things require money. 

Not only can money dictate how you and your partner achieve your long-term goals, but it can also be essential in overcoming various relationship challenges along the way. Relationships that cross over into commitment with secrets can destroy the bond.  Challenging issues with money seems to be one of the triggers of shame and secrets. Whether it’s the big secrets (gambling, hidden bank accounts, etc.) or smaller secrets (sneaking in a Nordstrom bag, taking cash out and lying about the reason, etc.), not being transparent about money can create complex conflict to overcome. Keep reading to find out how important money is and how you and your partner can handle financial transparency in your relationship. 

Is Money Important In A Relationship?

While most people would love to think that love conquers all, money can factor in your relationships in plenty of less than fun ways. And this goes beyond simply bickering over who’s going to pay for dinner. If you and your partner want to build a stable foundation for your future, you’ll need to be on the same page in terms of your finances. Here are some specific reasons why money does matter in romantic relationships: 

• Equality: This doesn’t have to mean splitting all bills 50/50. Instead, it may mean ensuring that neither party in the relationship feels exploited. Knowing how much you expect to contribute financially can help you avoid many common money issues. 
• Support: While it may not sound too romantic, it is essential to know how much your partner earns and their plans. You do not want to be forced to support somebody unexpectedly. On the other hand, things happen, so you may also need to prepare to support your partner during trying times. In both of these scenarios, a serious conversation about money can be a significant first step. 
• Priorities: Sharing the same long-term goals is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Imagine this: you are saving up your money to furnish your new apartment, while your partner wastes all their savings on nights out with friends. Determining your financial priorities can build trust and improve your relationship in the long run. 
• Future: All of the reasons listed so far have to do with planning for your future together. If you plan on moving in together and having a family, you’ll need to think about money. In addition, you’ll save yourself from plenty of money-related fights if you are open about finances from the get-go. 

How Do Relationships Deal With Money Differences?

Money differences and conflicts are common in relationships. Luckily, there are many ways in which you can learn to manage your finances as a couple. Here are some tips: 

• Learn to accept differences: It’s unlikely that you and your partner will agree on everything. While you don’t need to accept irresponsible financial decisions, it may be good to agree to disagree on some points. The key is to understand the differences and agree to disagree as long as you can jointly decide how to handle your specific issues as they arise – give and take.
• Be respectful and honest: Communicating openly and honestly about finances is key to building a stable future with your partner. Being straightforward initially and respectful of your partner’s relationship with money will help prevent arguments and bring you closer together. Often when two people come from different parenting styles and economic backgrounds, they can misunderstand each other.
• Set some boundaries: If you and your partner differ in your approaches to money, you may need to set some rules. For instance, you may choose to keep your accounts separate or have a joint account. 

When Do You Talk About Money In A Relationship?

Now that you know more about the importance of money in relationships, one question remains. When is the proper time to bring up money in a relationship? 

Well, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people may choose to talk about money on their first date, while others might find that to be extremely rude. Rather than follow a strict time frame, you may want to have your money talk sometime before your relationship starts getting serious. After all, if you don’t plan on staying in the relationship, you’re probably not all that concerned about finances. 

At PIVOT, we have a dating module that helps individuals determine what is important to learn while vetting potential partners based on their background and life experiences.  

How Do You Talk To Your Partner About Money?

So, how do you approach talking about money with your partner for the first time? Naturally, not everyone will think and talk about finances in the same way. Nevertheless, you may find the following tips helpful: 

• Keep an open mind and be prepared to listen to your partner, no matter how different their views may be. 
• Remember that your partner’s money habits will reveal themselves over time, so try not to worry too much about finances right at the start. 
• When you decide to have your money talk, consider your income and spending habits, as both tend to be essential factors in your financial future. 
• Don’t be secretive about your finances. Not telling your partner about your loans and debts will just create more problems in the long run. 
• Keep your cool. If your conversation starts getting heated for any reason, try to stay calm and collected and work through your differences. 
• Don’t make it all about money. However important money may be, being too focused on talking about finances early on may drive some people away. 

Learn To Fix Your Money-Related Troubles In Our Relationship Workshop

Relationships can be complicated, especially when money issues rear their ugly head. Fortunately, you can overcome most challenges with support from the compassionate and knowledgeable professionals at PIVOT. We provide insightful coaching for individuals dealing with relationship troubles, as well as a range of couple-focused skill-building workshops. Whether you’re looking for ways to fight temptation in a relationship or wonder if spending too much time with your partner can be detrimental to your relationship, count on us to have all the answers. Reach out to PIVOT today and start working on transforming your relationship and building a stable, healthy future. Call now!