Narcissistic Love Bombing: All You Need To Know

Lavish affection and adoration are probably not the first thing that comes to mind when you think about narcissistic abuse. You are more likely to remember some of the more frequently talked about manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, playing the victim, humiliation, and other power and control mind games.  

But did you know that one of the favorite narcissistic weapons involves the use of overwhelming flattery and attention? This is known as love bombing, an incredibly effective form of manipulation that pulls you in with promises of exhilarating romance and spits you out feeling dazed, confused, and betrayed. 

If you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse, know that you are not alone. You can find the resources and support you need in one of the many relationship coaching retreats designed for individuals dealing with anxiety in romantic relationships and other emotional struggles. 

Read on to find out more about love bombing and learn to recognize the warning signs. 

What Is Love Bombing In Dating?

As the name suggests, love bombing entails overwhelming someone, or rather “bombing” them with excessive signs of affection and attraction. This may include a combination of leaving love notes, flattering comments, sending flowers, and many other tokens of affection. The narcissist will shower you with romantic gestures, increasing their intensity and frequency until you feel like you’re on top of the world and ready to relinquish all sense of control to them and nobody else. 

Narcissistic Supply: What Causes Love Bombing? 

What Is The Purpose Of Love Bombing?

Individuals who employ love bombing techniques tend to suffer from a lack of confidence and a deep feeling of insecurity. Their low self-esteem pushes them to seek constant validation and reassurance, known as narcissistic supply. Unfortunately, nothing is ever enough to satisfy their need for approval and fill the void inside of them. 

Behind their air of confidence and importance, love bombers feel deep down that they are unlovable, undesirable, and unworthy. In order to feel valuable, they resort to love bombing with the aim to give their ego a much-needed boost and fulfill their needs for power and control. 

What Is The Purpose Of Love Bombing?

Being showered with affection can be highly intoxicating. The overwhelming positive attention hijacks your dopamine systems, keeping you focused on the source of the love bomb, wanting more. The love bomber will keep you tethered, giving you a taste of what’s to come and then pulling back. This will make you vulnerable to their wide arsenal of manipulation tactics, as long as you continue meeting their needs for narcissistic supply.  

What Does Love Bombing Look Like?

Just like many other manipulation techniques, love bombing can be quite sneaky and inconspicuous. It often overlaps with some characteristics of obsessive love, and may easily slip under your radar as nothing more than a genuine expression of intense attraction. While you should keep in mind that not everybody who love bombs is automatically a narcissist, it is definitely useful to know how to spot the different forms that this type of manipulation can take. 

How To Recognize Love Bombing

If you suspect that you may have been a victim of love bombing, look out for the following red flags:  

  • They shower you with gifts: flowers, love notes, expensive vacations, the list goes on. The love bomber will take every opportunity to profess their undying love, even at the most inappropriate of times. 
  • Compliments galore: we all love compliments, until they go too far. The narcissist will start complimenting you immediately and intensely and they won’t stop until you’re stuck deep in their web. 
  • Endless calls and texts: while it is perfectly normal to want to communicate with your love interest 24/7 when you first start dating, a love bomber may take things to another level. They will call or text you every hour of every day, bombarding you with praise. 
  • They seek your undivided attention: the narcissist may become angry if you spend time with other people. They will do everything in their power to have your complete focus on them alone, disregarding your boundaries entirely. 
  • They rush into commitment: if your love interest starts talking about moving in together, getting married, or having kids together after dating you for a very short time, there’s a serious possibility that they are love bombing you. 
  • They call you their soulmate: you and the love bomber are made to be together, it’s written in the stars. They will try to convince you of this in many ways, making you feel special and loved. 
  • You feel guilty when you set boundaries: if you try to slow things down and maintain your independence, the love bomber may make you feel guilty and use other manipulation tactics to pull you back. 

How Long Does Love Bombing Last With A Narcissist?

At the start of the relationship, the victim of love bombing is likely to feel like they are under the spell of a highly potent drug. This phase may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer. However, this emotional high never lasts forever, and the effects will inevitably start to wane, destroying the fantastical façade.

You may start noticing the red flags only when the love bombing phase starts nearing its end. At this stage, the narcissist might begin to devalue you, subtly and covertly, using a wide array of manipulation tactics. This may include humiliation, withdrawal of affection and physical intimacy, avoidance, shifting blame, gaslighting, and more. All of this serves to make you completely dependent on the love bomber for the validation and affection you were once bombarded with. 

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What Does Love Bombing Look Like?

Escaping from the clutches of emotional manipulation is rarely easy. If you’ve decided to take the first step toward regaining your power and integrity, you should feel proud of yourself as this requires immense strength of character and a deep self-awareness. 

With PIVOT at your side, you can make peace with your deepest wounds and start rebuilding yourself with confidence. We can help you by offering carefully crafted coaching sessions for individuals or providing guidance via our intensive codependency retreats and workshops. Contact PIVOT today!  

How To Detect & Deal With Emotional Manipulation

Most healthy relationships are based on intimacy, trust, and mutual understanding. Unfortunately, some individuals exploit these aspects of a healthy relationship in order to exert power and control over their partner

Emotional manipulation comes in many forms, many of which are subtle and difficult to identify. If you fear that you may be stuck in a manipulative relationship, know that you are not alone and that there is a way out. Visiting a codependent relationship retreat can give you the tools you need to break the bubble and gain relational freedom. 

Keep on reading to learn how to recognize emotional manipulation and recover from its effects. 

What Is Emotional Manipulation In A Relationship?

What Does Emotional Manipulation Look Like?

The vast majority of people seek emotional intimacy in their relationships. This means feeling free to show the most vulnerable parts of ourselves to our partner, without fear. Unfortunately, this is exactly what emotional manipulators seek to exploit. You show them your triggers and weaknesses and they will use them against you, often damaging your self-esteem, undermining your confidence, and even making you doubt your own sanity. 

It is clear why emotional manipulation is so destructive, especially when it is done by your partner, the person you feel closest to. That is exactly why you should know how to detect emotional manipulation tactics, however subtle they may be, if you want to protect your emotional core and avoid falling into the manipulator’s traps. 

What Does Emotional Manipulation Look Like?

Emotional manipulation is typically deliberate, with the intent to make the victim feel confused, powerless, and lost. Still, many individuals manipulate without being aware of it. In fact, it could be said that we all manipulate from time to time, although the end goal of our manipulation may appear perfectly innocent. 

But when does emotional manipulation become narcissistic abuse? How do you determine when manipulative behavior has crossed the line? Here are several forms of emotional manipulation you may encounter in your relationships: 

Signs Of Emotional Manipulation 

Look out for the following behaviors if you wish to try and spot an emotional manipulator: 

  • They get intimate way too fast: manipulators tend to portray sensitivity and emotional vulnerability at the very start of the relationship. They want you to feel special, like you’re the only one who could get so close to them. They do all this to lure you in and make you feel dependent on their feelings. 
  • They tell you what you want to hear but don’t follow up: rest assured that an emotional manipulator will know exactly what to say to make you feel good or appreciated. But when the time comes to act, they back off and pretend like your wishes are dumb or unreasonable. 
  • They make you doubt your own sanity: many emotional manipulation tactics are designed to make you question your reality. For instance, they may lie about an event you both participated in, pretending that it never happened at all. 
  • They play the victim: emotional manipulators rarely take accountability. Even if you know perfectly well that they are to blame for a certain action or event, they will most likely claim that it is somebody else’s fault or your own. 
  • They love playing the martyr: they may appear very eager to help you, but then become reluctant and act like what you both agreed on is too much of a burden. If you confront them about it, they may make you feel paranoid, confused, and, most of all, indebted. 
  • They use your weaknesses against you: an emotional manipulator will go to great lengths to discover your triggers and weak spots and later use them to hurt you. Whether it’s your physical appearance or intelligence, they will use your insecurities to manipulate you. 

What Tactics Do Manipulators Use?

Emotional manipulators are known for using covert manipulation tactics to undermine your self-esteem and sanity. Some of these are: 

Guilt Tripping 

Has your partner ever told you that you simply do not care about them even though you rarely do anything but give? This intimidation tactic is known as guilt tripping and is used to place you in a submissive position and make you feel bad about yourself and your actions. They may tell you you are selfish, ignorant, or cold, no matter how far from the truth that may be. 

Gaslighting 

Gaslighting is a tactic which attempts to make you question your own memory by using misinformation, denial, contradiction, and misdirection. The manipulator will plant a seed of doubt, often damaging your self-esteem and evoking cognitive dissonance. Gaslighting is a powerful form of emotional manipulation that can be extremely subtle but highly effective. 

Rationalization 

If an emotional manipulator does something questionable or controversial, they may use logic and reason to explain and justify their behaviors, no matter how much they hurt you. This is a defense mechanism which uses seemingly logical and reasonable excuses but actually avoids providing an actual explanation.  

How Do You Recover From Emotional Manipulation?

The effects of emotional manipulation can be extremely damaging and may last for years after the abuse happened. If you are trying to find your feet after a manipulative relationship, here are some tips: 

  • Be aware of the common manipulation tactics. Know what the manipulator wants to achieve and keep an eye out for red flags next time around. 
  • Stay in tune with your own feelings. Try to determine your own triggers and see which insecurities the manipulator may use against you. Writing down your feelings may help. 
  • Don’t put too much trust in words. Instead, focus on their actions, no matter how sweet their words may sound. 
  • Remember that this isn’t your fault. You are not weak or worthless for falling into the manipulator’s trap. They wanted to hurt you and they did so because of their own issues. 
  • Focus on your own life. Learn a new skill, travel, or spend more time with your friends and family to distract yourself from the manipulator and what they did to you. 
  • Seek help from professionals. Speaking with a relationship expert may give you a new perspective and awareness of the situation, which will make it easier for you to overcome the effects of the manipulation. 

Transform Your Life With PIVOT Codependency Intensive Workshops 

What Tactics Do Manipulators Use?

At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples overcome their emotional wounds and find the strength to start over and build healthy, lasting relationships. Whether you are struggling with a deep-set fear of abandonment or can’t handle being ignored in your relationships, we are here to help. 

We offer a wide range of intensive workshops for codependents, as well as one-on-one coaching sessions that will help you gain relational freedom. Contact PIVOT today! 

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse: How To Heal & Find Happiness

What many people don’t realize about narcissists is over the course of their life, they have built an idealized self, a pretty picture that hides all of their weaknesses and shame from the world. Because they know deep inside how flawed they are, just like everyone else, they use defense mechanisms that may cause great harm to the people closest to them. 

If you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse or any form of emotional manipulation, you may benefit from understanding the main driving forces behind narcissistic behaviors. Many codependent relationship intensive workshops are designed to illuminate different facets of narcissistic abuse and help codependents regain control of their life. 

Keep on reading to find out more about narcissistic abuse and its effects. 

What Does Narcissistic Abuse Do To You?

How Do You Feel After Leaving A Narcissist?

Narcissists use a wide array of abusive tactics to manipulate and hurt their victims. You might have found yourself at the receiving end of gaslighting, idealization and devaluation, sabotaging, stonewalling, deflection, and many other forms of control and coercion. 

All of these forms of narcissistic abuse can have a devastating effect on your emotional and psychological health, especially if they are exercised over a long period of time. Naturally, the exact effects will vary from one person to another, but they may share some overarching patterns you might be able to recognize within yourself. 

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse 

Here’s how narcissistic abuse can damage your emotional wellbeing: 

  • Decreased self-esteem: one of the most common effects of narcissistic abuse is a greatly impaired confidence. Even if you used to be assertive, self-assured, and aware of your worth, you may now feel unlovable, unworthy, and weak. 
  • Impaired communication skills: a relationship with a narcissistic can have an effect on your communication style too. You may find it hard to express yourself openly and share  your thoughts and feelings. This may influence your friendships, career, and family life. 
  • Constant feelings of worthlessness and blame: do you constantly internalize everyone else’s problems and feel blame even though you had nothing to do with them? This may also be a consequence of narcissistic abuse
  • Insecure attachment: narcissistic abuse may influence your future relationships, impairing and destabilizing your ability to form healthy attachments in your life. You may no longer feel safe opening up, or you may develop a fear of abandonment.
  • Narcissistic tendencies: unfortunately, narcissistic abuse can breed more narcissistic traits, especially if it is inflicted by a parent or caregiver. You may begin to exhibit narcissistic tendencies too, although you may not be aware of it. 
  • Superficial behavior: in order to protect yourself from a narcissist while being in a relationship with them, you need to be at least a little bit superficial. You have to fake happiness and satisfaction in order to avoid abuse instead of being open and honest. 

What Happens When You Stand Up To A Narcissist?

Although you may feel like standing up to a narcissist and blaming them for all the heinous things they’ve done would be a good idea, you will most likely subject yourself to even more hurt if you choose to do so. Here’s how a narcissist may react if you confront them: 

  • They may cater to your ego, charming you into forgiving them 
  • They may use various intimidation tactics to silence you 
  • They may make fun of you and attack your weakest spots 
  • They may pretend to be ignorant and make you question your sanity 
  • They may badly about you to other people, isolating you from friends and family 

How Do You Feel After Leaving A Narcissist?

Breaking up with a narcissist is a big step. It may feel a lot like overcoming an addiction – at first, it may be extremely painful, frustrating, and chaotic, but it will give you your life back in the end. Once you part ways with your abuser, you should keep reminding yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you deserve to have happy relationships. 

Once the initial stages are over with, you will feel free and at peace with yourself. You will learn to trust your intuition, set healthy boundaries, and be more confident when dealing with other people. You will no longer have to walk on eggshells and navigate the volatile emotional world of the narcissist. Ultimately, you will feel like your healthy, strong, and lovable self once again. 

How Do You Recover From Narcissistic Abuse?

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a lengthy and challenging process, but no matter how big the obstacles may be, the journey will surely be worth it. Here are some useful tips if you’re struggling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse: 

  • Don’t deny the abuse: there’s no point pretending that you weren’t hurt by the narcissist’s behaviors. Try to understand how you were affected by the abuse and face the grief head on. 
  • Set clear boundaries: if your abuser is still trying to contact you, you will need to show serious strength. It is very likely that you will feel tempted to stay in touch, but most experts agree that it’s best to cut off all communication if you are to heal. 
  • Teach yourself compassion: be gentle on yourself, however hard it may be. The abuse you suffered is far from your fault. Try to remember that your abuser hurt you because they have their own issues that they need to work on and focus on your own wellbeing. 
  • Have a support network: while spending some time alone can be very beneficial to your mental health, prolonged isolation is rarely a good idea. Instead, talk with your friends and family about your struggles and practice vulnerability. 
  • Speak to professionals: your family and friends may be able to offer some support, but they may not have the knowledge necessary to give you the help you need. A skilled relationship coach will provide you with resources you need to facilitate change and recover.  

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What Does Narcissistic Abuse Do To You?

Are you looking for support on your path to happiness and wellbeing? You don’t have to go it alone. With PIVOT, you can find the strength and rebuild yourself and recover from emotional neglect and abuse. Our relational freedom coaching sessions and intensive retreats for codependents will give you a new perspective and opportunity to create a happier and healthier you. Contact us today!  

Abandonment Issues & Their Effect On Relationships

As children, we all need to feel loved and cared for by our parents and caregivers. We carry these emotional needs into adulthood, too, seeking emotional intimacy and closeness in our relationships. Unfortunately, not everybody receives the love and support they need to form secure attachments and it can have a huge impact throughout their lives. 

Even if you feel like you had a decent childhood with both parents present, you may still feel abandoned in one way or another, although you may not be aware of it. For instance, you may struggle to form secure attachments in your adult life, or exhibit obsessive behaviors toward your partners.  

If this sounds like you, consider attending a love addiction retreat. Professional relationship coaches may be able to shed some light on the way your childhood and past relationships have affected you. Read on to learn more about emotional abandonment and how it can influence your relationships. 

What Does Emotional Abandonment Look Like?

In order to be happy and content in your life, your basic emotional needs need to be met. Unfortunately, many people are not even aware of these needs, although they may feel that something is missing from their life. 

Basic Emotional Needs

What Does Emotional Abandonment Look Like?

Here are some of the most important emotional needs that should be fulfilled in your relationships: 

  • Feeling understood and listened to 
  • To feel cared for and nurtured 
  • To be appreciated 
  • To feel accepted 
  • To be loved 
  • To feel connected to others 

If these needs are not met in your formative years, you may struggle with symptoms of emotional abandonment later on in life. The abandonment issues may be exacerbated if you were a victim of narcissistic abuse, severe emotional neglect, or various forms of emotional manipulation

What Are The Symptoms Of Abandonment Issues?

Individuals with abandonment issues may exhibit a wide range of behaviors in their relationships. Some of the most common symptoms associated with emotional abandonment include: 

  • Engaging in a series of shallow relationships. Your abandonment issues can lead you to cycle through numerous surface-level relationships and find excuses to leave before you can be abandoned by the other person. 
  • Sabotaging your healthy relationships. You may have a tendency to end healthy relationships when you suspect that your partner might leave you. This may involve various sabotaging behaviors, such as cheating or starting unnecessary arguments. 
  • A devastating fear of being alone. If you tend to stay in unhealthy relationships despite wanting to leave, you may fear being alone more than you fear being hurt by the other person. 
  • Seeking constant reassurance: you may have abandonment issues if you often pressure your partner or friends to make promises not to ever leave you or want to hear how much they love and appreciate you every day and get mad if they don’t. 
  • Obsessive behaviors and jealousy: if you feel like your partner might leave you, you might engage in stalking and express extreme jealousy at the mere thought of them leaving you for somebody else. 

How Do Abandonment Issues Affect Relationships?

As we’ve already illustrated, abandonment issues can manifest themselves in a multitude of ways, most of which can impair your ability to create stable relationships. Your self-medicating behaviors may include various compulsions and addictions, whether it’s excessive shopping, alcohol, drugs, sex, or overeating. 

Because of your abandonment issues, you may avoid getting close to anybody. Your fear of abandonment may be so debilitating that you build an impenetrable wall around your emotional core, keeping everybody out. 

Or you may take a completely different route, attaching yourself to emotionally unavailable persons so strongly that you become clingy, needy, and obsessive. You may do this because such relationships mimic the unhealthy patterns you experienced in childhood. 

Regardless of the exact effects you experience, your abandonment issues are likely to significantly impair your ability to create healthy attachments and build long-lasting relationships. 

How Do You Deal With Abandonment Issues In A Relationship?

If your abandonment issues have damaged your relationships and made you feel even more vulnerable, it is time to take the reins and face your childhood and adolescent wounds head on. Many  people feel unlovable and unworthy sometimes – don’t let it dictate how you live your life. Here’s how you can overcome your abandonment issues through self-compassion and care:  

Be Kind To Yourself 

Many people have that critical inner voice telling us what a terrible person we are. The sooner you learn to rein in this voice and stop it from dictating your behaviors, the better. It’s good to learn how to see the positive traits in yourself instead of focusing on your flaws. You deserve compassion, and you can start by finding it within yourself. 

Practice Mindfulness 

In order to overcome your fear of abandonment, you can learn how to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings and stop them from carrying you away. Learning to be gentle with yourself and cutting your mean thoughts in the bud will help you build a stronger emotional core and stop you from losing your sense of self. 

Your Flaws Are Human 

Remember that you are not the only one experiencing these painful thoughts and feelings. Most people struggle with their own issues, and if we could all band together to cultivate self-compassion and emotional strength, it would be much easier to live a life based on acceptance and love. Just keep in mind that you aren’t alone in this – you are worthy of love and compassion, just like everyone else. 

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What Are The Symptoms Of Abandonment Issues?

Do you feel like it’s time to do away with self-sabotaging behaviors and start practicing self-love? We believe so, too. Here at PIVOT, we offer a variety of intensive love addiction retreats and coaching sessions that may help you overcome your abandonment fears and learn to love yourself for who you are, flaws and all. 

You don’t have to heal your emotional wounds on your own. Get in touch with one of our experienced PIVOT advocates today and start working on creating a brighter future for yourself. Give us a call now! 

How To Deal With An Anxious Or Avoidant Partner?

Have you been in a relationship where you feel that your partner is avoiding you by spending a lot of time at work, with friends or away from you? 

Or perhaps you feel your partner is anxious and seems to try to throw away your relationship when it becomes uncomfortable or maybe engages in strange behavior because they don’t think before they act.

Loving someone with avoidant attachment can be challenging and stressful. When a partner attaches in an anxious or avoidant style it can feel like there’s a third person in the relationship getting in between you both causing confusion, doubt and worry.

Nonetheless, this doesn’t have to end your relationship or make it difficult to enjoy being together. By understanding why they attach in an anxious or avoidant style and how love avoidance may affect your partner and your relationship, you can connect in a new healthy way.

What Is Avoidant Attachment In Relationships?

Can An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Work?

During the initial stages of your romantic relationship, your partner may have seemed mysterious. They didn’t speak too much and maybe there was a feeling of melancholy. But now, no matter how long you’ve been together, you feel that they continue to remain detached.

People who experience avoidant attachment want to avoid conflict, so they seem to avoid connection as much as possible. Being in a relationship with an avoidant attachment partner, you may question if they really care or love you. 

You may feel tempted to put their behavior down to neglect, selfishness or egocentricity. But just know that if you critique or accuse them of this, then this will lead your avoidant partner to withdraw even more.

To deal with an avoidant partner you need to consider that despite their robust outward manner, they are scared to let their guard down.

The core wound for people with avoidant attachment styles is feeling that they are not seen for who they are. This makes them avoid experiencing feelings because their parents didn’t allow them to feel uncomfortable feelings as a child. 

They grow up not being able to experience uncomfortable situations in their relationships, which is why they want to avoid them. This means they are distant and put up barriers within their relationship because being cared for with kindness generates unfamiliar feelings for them.

What Does Anxious Attachment Look Like?

Most people who attach in an anxious way often grew up experiencing abandonment and now crave connection in an adult relationship.

If you are dating someone with anxiety, it’s likely your partner spends a lot of time worrying about what could go wrong with your relationship. 

Common Anxious Attachment Style Signs

Although most people have occasional anxious thoughts, especially when the relationship is new, the difference with someone with an anxious attachment style is that they have intense anxious thoughts much more often. 

For example, they may have thoughts such as:

  • What if he/she doesn’t love me as much as I love him/her?
  • What if he/she is hiding something from me?
  • What if he/she is cheating on me?
  • What if we break up?
  • What if he/she doesn’t text me back?

These thoughts can then lead to behaving in ways that test the relationship. For example, being controlling and overly needy; checking up on your partner on social media; doing drive-bys to make sure your partner’s home or checking your partner’s cell phone while they’re in the shower, etc. 

Such behaviors stem from a deep fear of abandonment. While breakups are hard for most people, ending relationships is much harder for people who suffer from anxiety

Can An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Work?

People with avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often drawn to each other, because they are bonded through their childhood trauma.

Although you may genuinely love each other, if you haven’t healed from past trauma, then your individual pain-body wounds get activated again and again from each other. 

This can have a disastrous impact on you and your relationship – especially as the avoidant behavior may trigger more anxiety in the other person, or vice versa. However, this doesn’t mean that it is impossible for partners in an avoidant attachment relationship to find success. 

How Do You Deal With An Avoidant Partner?

The good news is that no matter what childhood experiences you or your partner have experienced, you can create healthy relationships.

In order to do so, both you and your partner will need to be committed to healing past traumas for the relationship to work. You may need to give your partner more space and your partner may need to push themself to look ahead to the future. 

What Is Avoidant Attachment In Relationships?

Over time both avoidant and anxious partners can become more secure in a stable relationship.  Here are seven ways to deal with a partner with an anxious-avoidant attachment:

  1. Give them plenty of space. If they need to withdraw, then let them.

  2. Don’t take it personally. This isn’t about you.

  3. Reinforce the positive actions that you like and tell them what you value in the relationship.

  4. Listen and offer understanding. Be open to listening to your partner’s feelings and issues. The key thing is to listen to understand, not to fix a problem.

  5. Respect your differences.

  6. Set healthy boundaries and tell your partner what you need and what you won’t tolerate. 

  7. Seek support from professionals so you can both heal. 

Learn To Bond Securely With Our Expert Love Avoidance Coaching

The thing to remember here is that your relationship can get better and you can manage and tolerate uncomfortable emotions while maintaining self-care. If you want help to move away from old patterns and create relational alignment and freedom, then contact PIVOT. 

We are here to help you build healthier relationships by offering insightful relationship advice and guidance to individuals and couples. You can also learn to find happiness in your relationships in one of our in-depth love avoidance relationships workshops and retreats. No matter what your relationship struggles may be, reach out to PIVOT today!  

The Impact Of Mental Illness On Relationships

Issues with mental health can cause a great deal of pain in your social and romantic life. If you are living with someone with mental health issues, you may be at a loss at how to give them the love and support they need. 

First things first, you can make the situation less stressful and draining for both you and your partner if you educate yourself on the effects of mental health on relationships. Whether you are dealing with anxiety in your relationship or feel like you are obsessed with your partner, reaching out to a professional mental health coach can be extremely beneficial. 

While no two individuals or relationships are the same, there are some helpful methods that you can rely on to better help yourself or your partner if they are suffering from a mental illness.

How Does Mental Health Affect Relationships?

Can You Date Someone With A Mental Illness?

Most relationships experience their own challenges, but if one or both of the partners are struggling with mental health issues, these challenges can be exacerbated. This is because the mental illness of one partner can impact the mental health of the other, and vice versa. 

Unfortunately, many individuals aren’t aware of their own mental health issues, and their partner may be oblivious to the fact as well. While conflict is a natural part of any relationship, excessive and overly dramatic arguments may indicate that there is a more serious problem at play which needs to be addressed by a qualified professional. 

If you find that you and your partner are experiencing issues that you can’t seem to resolve no matter how hard you try, it is essential that you find guidance and support through coaching and other forms of relationship support. 

Can You Date Someone With A Mental Illness?

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues. Luckily, more and more people are becoming aware of the fact that a great number of individuals across the globe struggle with one form of mental illness or another, and that dating someone with mental issues is something that many of us go through. 

Relationships can be a great source of support to a person suffering from a mental illness. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to be in a relationship with a mentally ill individual, which can lead to a wide array of issues for both parties. 

What’s more, the mental issues one person in the relationship experiences can negatively affect the emotional and mental wellbeing of the other, which creates a vicious cycle of pain, bitterness, and disappointment. 

How Can I Help A Loved One With Mental Illness?

While mental health conditions come in a myriad of forms, there are some universal guidelines that you can follow if you wish to make it work with a partner who may be struggling with mental health: 

  1. Stay open minded

    It is entirely normal to feel at least a little bit uneasy when you hear about your partner’s mental health issues. Still, if you care about them, try to keep an open mind and understand that your partner’s mental illness doesn’t define them. 

  2. Patience is key

    If you are dating someone with mental health problems, you need to be prepared to see your partner in vulnerable states, whether they are manic, irrational, or lethargic. Try to be understanding and patient with them in these situations. 

  3. Educate yourself

    The best way to handle your partner’s mental condition is to learn as much as you can about it. You should understand how their condition affects them and what they’ve learned to do to fight it.

  4. Be a source of encouragement

    Dealing with mental health problems is among the most debilitating experiences a person can endure. However, you should avoid expressing pity towards your partner. Instead, remind them how valuable they are, both to you and to the world.  

  5. Respect your partner’s boundaries

    There may be times when your partner withdraws and refuses to show you their vulnerabilities. It is important that you don’t try to force them out of their shell, but be gentle and understanding until they feel better.  

  6. It is not your job to “fix” them

    Even if your partner is suffering from a mental health condition, that doesn’t mean that they need somebody to fix them. Be there for them to show support, not to act as a mental health professional.  

How Do You End A Relationship With Someone Who Has Mental Illness?

Unfortunately, not everyone can handle being in a relationship with someone with untreated mental health challenges, and that is completely understandable. Even if you deeply care about the person, the emotional toll of being in the relationship may simply be too great for you to bear. Leaving a partner with mental illness is not an easy task – you may feel guilt, shame, hurt, or anything in between. 

If you’ve noticed that your relationship is getting in the way of your daily life or that it may compromise your safety, then breaking up may be the best option. We know how hard letting go of someone with mental illness can be, but staying in a relationship that is clearly painful will only make things worse, both for you and your partner. If you do decide to break up, do so kindly, honestly, and firmly, and try not to give them any mixed signals once the relationship is over. 

Contact a remote relationship coach and find relief 

How Can I Help A Loved One With Mental Illness?

Living with a mental health condition can be devastating, not only to the person struggling with it, but also to their family, friends, and romantic partners. If you have someone in your life who has mental health issues, finding the right kind of support can be of immense help both for your own wellbeing and the success of your relationship. 

At PIVOT, we work with insightful coaches to bring expert guidance and advice to individuals and couples struggling with issues in their relationships. Whether you are struggling to deal with a partner who gaslights you or need help noticing love bombing techniques, don’t hesitate to contact us. 

We are here to help you heal your emotional wounds and find happiness in your romantic relationships. At PIVOT, you can find professional guidance via our online coaching sessions or one of our intensive relationship workshops and retreats. Contact us today! 

How To Spot & Stop Gaslighting In A Relationship

Psychological manipulation comes in many shapes and forms. Gaslighting is one of them. This term is used to describe a manipulation tactic that shifts the power dynamic in a relationship with the aim of exerting complete control over another person. Gaslighting typically makes the victim question their own sanity and reality, which causes great confusion, hurt, and vulnerability. 

If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to speak up and share your thoughts with a professional behavioral health coach. Not only would they be able to help you protect yourself from gaslighting, but they would also give expert insight into the dynamics of power and control in relationships, help you recognize love bombing while dating, as well as give you tips on overcoming symptoms of love obsession

In this article, you will learn how gaslighting works, how you can spot it, as well as find out how to stop gaslighting in a relationship. Read on. 

What Is Gaslighting In A Relationship?

How Do You Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You?

At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It is a toxic relationship dynamic that forces the victim to doubt their own judgement, memories, and sanity. The purpose of gaslighting is essentially to exercise control over another person and inflict psychological damage on them. 

It is an exceptionally malicious emotional manipulation tactic that often goes unnoticed because it makes you question your own thoughts and experiences. Anyone can become the victim of gaslighting. In fact, it can be a part of a romantic relationship, marriage, parent-child relationship, and even occurs in professional relationships. It is a widely used technique among narcissistic individuals and abusers. 

How Gaslighting Works 

Gaslighting rarely has immediate results. Its effects are typically gradual, slow, and extremely subtle, which makes it difficult for the victim to spot the manipulation, which precisely is the entire point of gaslighting. The victim would be likely to dismiss this isolated example of manipulation as a random occurrence if it happened over a long period of time, if they noticed it in the first place, whereas they would be more likely to spot the gaslighting if it was done in a shorter time frame.

Why Do People Gaslight?

Control and power are the main two reasons why people gaslight. Their need for exerting power and domination over another person tends to stem from a wide range of underlying issues, including antisocial personality, narcissism, and many other issues. 

What Is An Example Of Gaslighting?

Gaslighting can come in a variety of disguises. At times, it may even involve the manipulation of the victim’s physical surroundings, although it is often exclusively verbal and psychological. Here are some common gaslighting techniques that you should look out for: 

  • Countering: this tactic is used to question the victim’s memories. The abuser tries to convince the target that the certain past event occurred differently than they remember, often even inventing specific details about the event.  
  • Denial: the abuser pretends that they forgot about specific events in order to cast further doubt on the target’s memory. They might pretend that they have no idea what the victim is talking about or deny making any promises to the victim. 
  • Withholding: if your partner often refuses to listen to what you have to say or pretends that they don’t understand your concerns, saying things like: “I can’t sit here listening to your nonsense all day”, they are gaslighting you. 
  • Diversion: the gaslighter will often try to divert the victim’s attention from the topic at hand in order to confuse them and avoid responsibility. They may turn the conversation into a fight over a completely different matter.  
  • Trivialization: have you ever been told that you are far too sensitive by your partner? Did they say that after hurting you in some way? This is another common gaslighting technique that is used to invalidate the emotions of the victim. 

How Do You Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You?

Gaslighting is a sneaky and subtle manipulation tactic. It may undermine your perception of events and reality itself, leaving you feeling dazed and confused, questioning your own sanity. Here are some typical gaslighting techniques you may be able to spot: 

  • They lie to you without batting an eye, never backing down even if you have concrete proof of their deception. 
  • They gossip about you and make you seem unstable in front of other people, which may make other people side with the gaslighter. 
  • They invalidate your feelings and thoughts, claiming that you are overreacting or overly sensitive, or anything along these lines. 
  • They always shift the blame to you, making you feel guilty and convincing you that you are solely responsible for the argument at hand. 

How Do You Handle A Gaslighter?

If you suspect that your partner may be gaslighting you and want to protect yourself from the manipulation, try the following tips: 

  1. Understand the driving force behind the manipulation. Learn as much as you can about gaslighting. This will make you more alert and less vulnerable to their manipulative patterns.  
  2. Remember that you are not to blame for the gaslighting. The need for power and control is the only reason why your partner gaslights you. It has nothing to do with you, it comes from their own deeply rooted insecurities. 
  3. Keep in mind that you can’t change your partner. It is highly unlikely that you’d succeed in changing your partner’s manipulative ways. They need self-awareness and professional help. 
  4. Find support from other people. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can be of immense help if you are in an abusive relationship.  
  5. Work on your own self-esteem. Remember that the opinions of your gaslighter don’t define you. You are your own person, capable and worthy of love. 
  6. Consider breaking up. If the relationship is eating away at your confidence and happiness, it may be time to let go. 
  7. Seek professional help. An expert relationship coach can help you gain a new perspective and recover from the gaslighting. 

Contact A PIVOT Relationship Coach & Regain Confidence

What Is Gaslighting In A Relationship?

Do you feel stuck, hopeless, and deeply wounded because of your intimate relationship? You are not alone. Thousands of individuals across the world are victims of gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse. 

If you need help dealing with a gaslighter or want to know how to cope with your partner’s mental health issues, then contact PIVOT. Our coaching sessions are carefully designed to help individuals and couples overcome their emotional struggles, and we also offer a vast array of intensive relationship workshops that may give you the tools you need to heal your wounds and start building healthier relationships. Call us today!