Empathy: All You Need To Know

Depending on who you ask, it’s likely that you’ll run into a number of different definitions of empathy. Still, most of them would agree to the following statement, or at least a variation of it: Empathy can be defined as the capacity to understand and feel what another person is experiencing. 

It is an attempt to better understand what another person is feeling and thinking, without sharing the same circumstances or experiences. Essentially, when you feel empathy, you’re trying to see a situation from another person’s perspective and feel how it makes them feel. 

Empathy is necessary for building healthy relationships and avoiding emotional intimacy issues. It helps you connect and relate to others in a meaningful way, thus facilitating lasting social and professional relationships. 

What Type Of Emotion Is Empathy?

What Are The 3 Types Of Empathy

Empathy is a broad concept that usually refers to the emotional and cognitive reactions of a person to the perceived experiences of another person. It is not a single emotion, but rather an ability to understand the emotions of others, trying to perceive the situation from their point of view. Empathy essentially refers to the capacity to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand the intentions, perspectives, and needs of others. 

What Are The 3 Types Of Empathy?

Not everybody experiences the same levels and kinds of empathy. In fact, psychologists suggest that there may be three distinct types of empathy:  

Emotional Empathy

Emotional empathy, otherwise known as affective empathy, is usually the first kind of empathy people experience as children. If you are able to literally feel the emotions of another, as if you’d “caught” them, you are experiencing emotional empathy. Because of its nature, emotional empathy is also known as “emotional contagion” or “personal distress”. 

Cognitive Empathy 

Cognitive empathy is when you are able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and take their perspective, without necessarily feeling their emotions. It is defined by understanding the emotions of others on an intellectual level. Cognitive empathy can be seen as “empathy by thought” instead of feeling. 

Compassionate Empathy

The third type of empathy is known as compassionate empathy. It is when you are able to both feel and understand someone’s pain and take action to help them. Also known as empathic concern, this type of empathy motivates you to either take action to help another person or help them resolve the problem. 

People have the capacity to experience all these three types of empathy. While cognitive and emotional empathy can have immense value, they are sometimes not enough for facilitating change and building strong personal relationships. 

Imagine that your friend has experienced a loss in their family. If you experience only cognitive empathy, you’ll be able to understand their grief and pain, but may not be motivated to help. With emotional empathy, you might be brought to tears and get paralyzed by your friend’s pain.

Compassionate empathy, however, means that you understand and feel the pain of your friend, but also feel motivated to take action to help them. For instance, you may cook them a meal or spend more time with them to make them feel less lonely. 

Can You Feel Sympathy Without Empathy?

Many people are confused by the difference between empathy and sympathy, and for a good reason. These two words are tightly related, but not interchangeable. At its simplest form, sympathy can be defined as feeling sorrow and pity for another person’s misfortune without necessarily cognitively understanding their pain and feeling motivated to help. If you experience sympathy, you may feel care or concern for others, but may not share their distress. 

You can feel sympathy without empathizing with someone. Empathy, on the other hand, usually entails some form of sympathy, in addition to the shared perspective or shared emotions one feels when they experience cognitive or emotional empathy. 

Can You Lose Your Empathy?

There are several circumstances in which a person may “lose” empathy. Here are some examples: 

  • You may be pushing your emotions away and numbing out. If you’ve felt apathetic for a while, because of depression or other life circumstances, you may also lose your ability to empathize with other people.
  • Gradually losing empathy can be a symptom of compassion fatigue, a condition characterized by physical and emotional exhaustion that decreases one’s ability to empathize. This is particularly common in nurses, caregivers, and other vocations that entail helping other people and being exposed to their pain. 
  • Certain psychological disorders can also cause a lack of empathy. These can be a result of early childhood experiences, physical or psychological trauma, genetics, disease, or brain damage. 

Can A Person Without Empathy Love?

Love doesn’t necessarily include empathy. For instance, you may care for your partner and wish to nurture a lasting relationship with them, but fail to understand their needs. Lacking empathy doesn’t mean that you’re entirely emotionless, it simply means that you are unable to understand and share the feelings and needs of your partner. 

Nevertheless, empathy is crucial for making personal relationships thrive. In order to revive your dying relationship, you and your partner would benefit from  learning how to truly understand each other and empathize with one another . Unless you’re moving forward with both your needs and those of your partner in mind, your relationship will be at risk to end. 

Are You Experiencing Intimacy Problems In A Relationship? Contact PIVOT Now! 

Can You Feel Sympathy Without Empathy

If you are motivated to better understand and help the people around you, receiving guidance and support from professionals can be of immense help. At PIVOT, we are dedicated to helping our clients overcome their emotional issues and heal their core wounds with compassion and commitment. We are here to provide you with the tools and resources you need to understand yourself and others and facilitate positive behavioral change. 

We offer both compassionate and comprehensive individual coaching sessions and relationship-building workshops and retreats that can help you improve your relationships and your emotional wellbeing. Speak with a PIVOT consultant today and begin your journey to achieving emotional balance. 

How To Nurture Respect In Relationships

Respect is a crucial part of any relationship. If you respect your partner, you are able to recognize them as a whole person with different experiences, needs, and opinions from you. You value and understand their perspective, which enables you to show empathy in your relationship and make your partner feel loved.

If you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you or you suspect that you may not respect them as you should, attending a relationship building skills workshop may provide you with the guidance you need to improve your relationship. 

Keep reading to learn more about what respect means in a relationship and how you can nurture it. 

What Does Respect Mean In A Relationship?

Can You Love Without Respect

Most people are brought up perceiving respect as a good thing, a thing to strive for. However, not everyone is able to show respect, and many may not understand what it actually means. Respect doesn’t simply mean obeying your parents or being polite to elders. Respect in its truest form means validating another person and making them feel safe in the relationship. Here’s how respect manifests itself in relationships: 

Respecting Your Partner’s Boundaries

In a healthy relationship, both partners respect each other’s boundaries. Whether these boundaries have to do with physical intimacy or craving alone time, honoring them is crucial for nurturing a lasting and respectful relationship. 

Admitting When You’re Wrong And Making Compromises 

When you respect your partner, understanding them means more to you than having to be right. If you’re confident in your self-worth, you won’t have trouble admitting when you are wrong. And even if you’re right, it is important to be willing to compromise or agree to disagree without devaluing your partner’s needs and opinions. 

Treating Your Partner As You’d Like To Be Treated 

Remember that Golden Rule we heard growing up? Treat others the way you want to be treated. This ensures equal treatment and fosters healthy growth. If you follow this Golden Rule, you’ll show your partner that you respect them and build a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. 

Valuing Your Partner 

Valuing your partner’s opinions is a crucial part of respect. This means listening to your partner, even if you disagree, understanding where they are coming from, and being able to respond to them without defensiveness and blame. 

Can You Love Without Respect?

Many people consider love to be the key part of any relationship. While love is undoubtedly important, respect may play an even greater role. You may feel passion and love towards your partner, but lack respect for their opinions, needs, and wishes. 

The difference between love and respect is not that difficult to understand. Think about it – you may have respect for a person you don’t know that well if you recognize their good qualities. Similarly, you can also love the person closest to you dearly, but not respect them for their life choices. If you wish to nurture positive and long-lasting relationships, a combination of love and respect is necessary.   

Can You Regain Respect In A Relationship?

If you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you, it is only natural that you’d feel frustrated or sad in your relationship. You may feel like they don’t value you and your opinions, capabilities, and choices. If this is the case, you may be wondering if it’s possible to bring back respect into your relationship and create a stronger foundation for your relationship. 

While not all relationships can be saved, it is definitely possible to regain respect from your partner. In order for your relationship to thrive, however, both you and your partner will have to be willing to listen and open up, working together to improve the aspects of your relationship that don’t benefit one or both of you. 

How Do You Feel Respected In A Relationship?

In order to get your partner to respect you more, you’ll have to be willing to openly discuss your needs and concerns with them. Here’s how you can do that: 

  • Speak up: you can’t expect your partner to meet your needs and respect you if they don’t know what you’re thinking. They may not even be aware that you think they don’t respect you. Make sure to discuss with them honestly, without placing blame and starting a fight. 
  • Work on your independence: being independent means that you can be successful and happy on your own and be self-sufficient. This doesn’t mean that you don’t need your partner at all, but only that you possess autonomy that your partner is sure to admire and respect you for.  
  • Respect yourself first: you can’t expect anybody to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Do you value your own abilities and opinions? Do you see yourself as a worthy and capable person? If not, it’s unlikely that your partner will either. 
  • Maintain your boundaries: respecting boundaries is a key part of respect. Make sure to keep healthy boundaries and learn to say no to your partner if they try to cross the line. Keep in mind that respect goes both ways – you should respect your partner’s boundaries as well. 
  • Follow the Golden Rule: if you wish your partner to treat you with respect, make sure to treat them the same way. Unless you approach your relationship with compassion and commitment, your partner will be unlikely to do the same. 
  • Keep your promises: if you tell your partner that there will be consequences for something they did, but don’t follow through, they probably won’t take you seriously. This holds true for more positive promises as well.  
  • Don’t be afraid to walk away: if you’ve done all you can to improve your relationship but nothing has changed, it may be time to consider leaving the relationship. After all, the relationship may be toxic and you might be wasting precious energy on trying to make it work. 
  • Seek guidance from experts: on a more positive note, many relationships can be greatly improved through expertise-based coaching and guidance. If you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you enough, but they may be willing to change, consider attending a couples retreat. 

Build Respect And Trust In Your Relationship By Attending A PIVOT Workshop

Can You Regain Respect In A Relationship

At PIVOT, we work hard to provide our clients with the support and advice they need to better their relationships and improve their emotional wellbeing. Empower yourself through our individual coaching or build better relationship skills in one of our retreats and workshops. Contact PIVOT today and get the love and respect you deserve. 

Feeling Sad In A Relationship For No Reason? Here’s What To Do

When you are in a loving and stable relationship with a person you can rely on, there should be no reason to feel down, right? Yet, sadness can creep into even the happiest of relationships, and that is entirely normal, even if there are no specific reasons why one or both of the partners are feeling sad. 

And, often the sadness can be a deep generational pain that is carried forward from a complex family system that you are born into. 

It is important to understand that it is okay to not always be happy in your relationship. Anxiety, depression, and various life circumstances can cause anyone to feel sad, however loving, caring, and kind the people around you are. 

Of course, this does not mean that you shouldn’t ask yourself if it is your relationship that is making you unhappy. After all, some relationships can be quite toxic, causing distress and unhappiness for one or both parties involved. If you and your partner are struggling to make it work and you’re feeling down because of it, there are numerous private couple retreats for reconnection that may help you overcome your problems and bring the balance back. 

Is It Okay To Be Sad In A Relationship?

Negative emotions are an integral part of our psychological makeup. While you may be able to allay some of them using distractions and various coping mechanisms, others may be incredibly hard to ignore. What’s more, suppressing negative feelings can have serious consequences on your mental health and general life enjoyment. 

How Do I Tell My Partner I Am Struggling

All of this is to say that feeling sad is perfectly okay, even if you can’t tell the exact reason for your low mood. Your emotions are valid, and ignoring them is unlikely to make you feel better in the long run. 

Additionally, accepting your sadness can give you a chance to slow down, reflect, and come to terms with your situation. It is a complex and essential emotion that helps us focus, adapt, accept, and grow. 

If you are in a loving relationship, your partner will most likely try to understand your feelings and support you, or at least give you space to work it through. On the other hand, your sadness can change your perception and affect your relationship in a variety of ways, creating potential difficulties for both you and your partner. This is why reaching out to professionals is often the best idea if you feel like your negative emotions are impacting your relationship. 

How Do I Tell My Partner I Am Struggling?

As hard as it may sound, speaking up about your negative feelings and the way they affect you can help your partner better understand you and find ways to help you. Whether you’re dealing with general feelings of apathy or struggle with anxiety, letting your partner know about your emotions can be beneficial both for the relationship and your emotional wellbeing as a whole. 

Try To Explain Your Feelings 

Chronic sadness and depression can make you feel hopeless, worthless, angry, or perhaps nothing at all. You may also experience physical symptoms, such as sleep disturbances, irritability, and more. When speaking to your partner, try to be as specific as you can be in explaining your feelings and thoughts. 

Be Honest And Open 

Lying to your partner about how you really feel may only cause further feelings of guilt, shame, and dissatisfaction. Make sure to show your partner that you respect them and value their opinions by explaining your genuine feelings and trying not to keep any secrets. 

Be Prepared For Questions 

Once you tell your partner how you feel, it is likely that they’ll have at least a couple of questions. Be prepared to address your partner’s concerns calmly, without getting annoyed or withdrawing from the conversation. 

Tell Them How They Can Help 

In order to help you, your partner needs to understand how they can do that. You can help them help you by being honest and explaining to them exactly what they can do to make you feel better in any given situation. Making it clear that you are not placing unrealistic expectations on them.  The best way your partner can support you is to listen and encourage you to get professional help if the feelings persist.

Seek Help Together 

At the end of the day, your partner might not be able to provide you with the support you need to get better, and that is okay. As long as both of you are willing to put in the effort to make things work, you can make things better by attending a relationship workshop or visiting a couples retreat together. 

How Do You Deal With Sadness In A Relationship?

Everybody deals with sadness differently. Some withdraw from the people closest to them, while others like to talk about their worries openly. Here are some general tips on dealing with sadness in a healthy manner: 

  • Let yourself feel the sadness: suppressing your negative emotions may work for a little while, but won’t help you in the long run. If you feel like crying, cry. Allow yourself to feel sad. 
  • Express your emotions: depending on your preferences and situation, you can try to express your sadness through journaling, listening to music, drawing, painting, or spending time with family or friends. 
  • Think about why you’re feeling sad: try to determine the cause of your sadness. Is there any specific event that made you feel sad? Think about how you feel without judgment and see where your thoughts take you. 
  • Consider possible changes: sometimes, people feel sad because they subconsciously feel like something in their life needs to change. Consider that possibility and think about any potential paths for improving your relationships and overall quality of life. 
  • Know when to seek help: if you feel down while you’re with your partner most of the time, it may be time to take a step forward and speak with a compassionate expert who can help you get a new perspective and uncover ways to improve your relationship. 

Attend A PIVOT Couples Retreat & Relationship Workshop Today

How Do You Deal With Sadness In A Relationship

At PIVOT, we strive to help couples and individuals overcome relationship issues and find happiness in their day to day life. Our highly rated individual coaching sessions and relationship workshops are designed to help you heal by understanding your core relationship wounds and finding ways to facilitate positive change. 

If you are ready to take the first step towards modifying your behavioral patterns and building happier relationships, contact PIVOT today. 

Toxic Relationships: What Are They & Why Is It Hard To Leave?

There are many ways to describe toxic relationships. Perhaps you or your partner are very angry in your relationship, or there is excessive codependency between partners. Sometimes, relationship toxicity stems from the fact that there are instances of serious dishonesty, or your partner has begun to stonewall you. It is not always easy to identify the causes of a toxic relationship, which is one of the reasons they are so difficult to heal. 

If you are struggling in your relationship, it’s important to learn more about what a toxic relationship is and what can cause it. This can help you understand more about the situation you’re in, and how to deal with it. However, if you still find yourself unable to adequately pinpoint the characteristics of your potentially toxic relationship, it’s a good idea to give remote relationship coaching a try.

What Is A Toxic Relationship?

Toxic relationships are those relationships that include behaviors by one or both partners that are primarily psychologically damaging, and can also sometimes inflict physical harm. Healthy relationships contribute to partners’ emotional energy and self-esteem, while toxic ones tend to make one or both parties feel inadequate and unhappy.

What Causes A Toxic Relationship

The underlying trait of all toxic relationships is that they are not a safe place for one or both parties involved. Toxic relationships are characterized by feelings of insecurity, dysfunctionality, control, dominance, and other negative emotions that can originate. Constantly feeling negative emotions is what tends to cause mental harm.

Unfortunately, sometimes the toxicity in the relationships transitions into the physical realm as well, which is when one or both parties become behaving violently towards each other. This, coupled with the psychological negativity, is an extremely serious problem that can cause serious consequences. 

What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Relationship?

Sometimes, it is easy to be aware that you’re in a toxic relationship. However, at other times, you might be part of an unhealthy relationship without even knowing it, which can only damage your mental health further. Take a look at some of the telltale signs of toxic relationships: 

  • You seem to be sacrificing your own needs constantly.
  • You start to feel invisible or erased from your relationship.
  • Your relationship is beginning to feel lonely. 
  • It seems you and your partner only bring out the worst in each other.
  • You feel emotionally and physically tired after spending time with your partner.
  • You notice that the giving and the taking in the relationship is uneven. 
  • There are controlling tendencies from one or both partners.
  • There are frequent problems caused by jealousy.
  • You or your partner are experiencing an evident lack of respect.
  • There is emotional, psychological, or physical abuse present.
  • Gaslighting is present in your relationship.
  • There are serious communication problems between you and your partner. 
  • You feel the resentment rising.
  • Only a single person is in charge of making decisions. 

What Causes A Toxic Relationship?

Determining the reason, or reasons, for the toxicity you may be experiencing in your relationships is the first step in trying to resolve the problems that have been plaguing you and your partner. Here are some of the common causes behind toxic relationships:

  1. Insecurity:

    Self-doubt that stems from profound insecurity can lead to overanalysis of every single aspect of your relationship, from body language to words uttered. This can lead to one partner placing constant pressure on even the most common of activities, which results in feelings of uneasiness and even deeper insecurity. If you were neglected or abandoned in your childhood and have not done your family of origin work, you may be putting unrealistic expectations on your partner to heal this old insecurity wound. 

  2. Hot temper:

    People who have a hot temper are susceptible to fits of anger and rage, but also shame and regret, which is an emotional rollercoaster that affects the entire relationship negatively. Also, hurtful words and negative impulsive behavior are also common occurrences. 

  3. Unresolved issues:

    Leaving problems unresolved, both big and small, can lead to you and your partner developing hidden negative sentiments and potentially harboring resentment or guilt. These unfavorable feelings can turn a relationship into a place where both partners no longer feel comfortable. 

  4. Conflict avoidance:

    Sometimes, an open conflict (mature nature) can prove beneficial for a relationship. On the other hand, constantly avoiding conflict and leaving matters without closure can lead to negative feelings piling up, causing more serious problems down the line and leaving one or both partners feeling bad.

There are a lot more causes for relationship toxicity, and not everything can be clearly categorized. The four causes above are just some of the more frequently-encountered triggers of toxic relationships that can be resolved by putting in the effort and the desire. 

Why Is It Hard To Leave A Toxic Relationship?

Although you might be experiencing several signs of relationship toxicity, and you’re aware of the reasons behind it, you’re still not ready to leave and you’re not sure you should. Apart from problems that can be resolved, there are some issues, such as physical abuse, that are serious red flags and that indicate it’s time to leave your partner.

However, even then, not everybody is willing and prepared to abandon their relationship. There are several reasons why leaving a toxic relationship is extremely difficult for some people. Let’s see what they are:

  • Your self-esteem has been severely damaged and you have no strength to leave.
  • You’re trying to be understanding and work on your relationship as much as you can.
  • You’re hoping it’s going to become good again and that things will change for the better.
  • You grew up in a toxic environment and it starts to feel natural.
  • You’ve invested a lot of time and energy and you don’t want to see it go to waste.
  • You cannot imagine being without a partner and returning to being alone. 

PIVOT Codependency Recovery Coaching Can Help You Deal With A Toxic Relationship

What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships can be very difficult to deal with, especially if you’re unaware of just how toxic your relationship might have become. Sometimes, all that you do turns out to be insufficient and the toxicity just continues to deepen, negatively affecting your mental state.

If you’re finding yourself unable to identify the underlying causes of the psychological strain your relationship is inflicting upon you, or if you’re aware of the toxicity in your relationship, but don’t know what you can do about it, you can always try coming to PIVOT and undergoing codependency recovery coaching alongside our experienced advocates.

At PIVOT, we specialize at organizing both individual coaching experiences for emotional intimacy, as well as group relationship workshops for both partners. Our experienced and educated relationship advocates are here to do all they can to help you either overcome the hurdles or assist you in knowing when the right time to leave a toxic relationship is. Contact us today and let’s take it from there. 

The Power Of Habits: How To Stop Them From Damaging Your Relationship

Have you ever tried to consciously change your habits? If you have, you probably know first hand how difficult change can be. Yet, change, however difficult, is possible and sometimes necessary. In fact, our lives keep changing every day, and you may be creating positive and negative habits without even realizing it. 

Habits can be defined as consistent and regular patterns of behavior. Once you start practicing a certain habit, it will eventually become unconscious and automatic. This is why it is important to be mindful of your habits and work on building those that have a positive impact on your life and your relationships. 

For instance, you may have created poor habits in your romantic relationship over time and you’re only now becoming aware of them and their effects. In that case, you may try building new habits or visiting a coaching retreat for individuals to help you facilitate positive change. 

Still, the process may be riddled with challenges, and it may take you quite some time to effectively create habits that benefit both you and your partner. Keep on reading to discover useful habit building and breaking techniques. 

Why Are Habits So Powerful?

How Many Habits Can You Build At Once

Your life may be shaped by your habits to a far greater extent than you may realize. Habits can be incredibly strong. In fact, as much as 40% of the actions you do every day are more influenced by your habits than your conscious decisions. Many habits are created to manage and tolerate feelings. But why is that so? 

The power of habits lies in their ability to create neurological cravings. Here’s how a habit loop is created: 

  • Triggers/cues: this can be an emotional state, a person, a location, or a specific time of day. 
  • Creating a routine: the habit can be anything, from smoking cigarettes and drinking to biting your nails or watching TV. 
  • Reward: your brain will release pleasure chemicals when the routine is performed, further reinforcing the habit loop. 

The habit loop reinforces itself and becomes automatic over time. Once this happens, your brain will not fully participate in the decision-making process. Understanding your created routines and habits will make it easier for you to alter the loop and take control of your habits. 

How Many Habits Can You Build At Once?

Behavioral researchers agree that it is more effective to focus on a small number of habits at a time. In fact, it is often best to pick just one habit and focus all of your efforts on it, however small it may be. And if you wish to create more habits, try to work on no more than three habits at once. In general, your habit making process will be easier and more effective if you pick a small number of habits and work on them one at a time. 

What Is The Golden Rule Of Habit Change?

Whether you are looking for ways to change your habits for your personal benefit, or wish to become a better partner in your relationship by changing the habits that affect your relationships, the Golden Rule of Habit Change may help. This rule was created by Charles Duhigg in 2012 and has proven to be quite effective for shifting habits. 

The Golden Rule of Habit Change indicates that the best way to change a habit is to identify the cue and reward while changing only the routine. In order to shift the habit, you will have to instill a new routine that gives you the same reward. Over time, the new routine will become increasingly automatic until your brain becomes completely used to the new cycle. On average, it takes about 66 days to fully automate a habit. 

What Are Some Bad Habits In A Relationship? 

Just as habits have a powerful impact on your personal development, they can also significantly affect your primary relationships. While not all relationship habits are “bad”, certain patterns of behavior may cause distress to your partner and your relationship with them. Here are some habits that may have a negative impact on relationships: 

  1. Nagging

    Constantly arguing over the same things can have a negative effect on intimacy. While your frustration with your partner may be valid, constant nagging is unlikely to get your needs met and change your partner’s behavior. 

  2. Disrespect for privacy

    Checking your partner’s phone or computer and other forms of snooping show that you don’t respect their privacy. This habit often comes from trust issues of the past, jealousy, or being afraid of ending up alone, and can often be quite difficult to break.

  3. Not cleaning up after yourself

    If you keep leaving a mess behind and waiting on your partner to clean up after you, it’s only natural that they will be frustrated or angry with you. This habit can cause your partner to harbor resentment and bitterness over time.

  4. Waiting for your partner to show affection

    Waiting for your partner to initiate affection, whether in the bedroom or through everyday gestures, can set unfair expectations in the relationship. Your partner may feel confused or rejected, thinking that you are not that into them. 

  5. Not taking care of yourself

    It’s one thing to feel comfortable in your relationship, quite another to let yourself go completely, whether physically, psychologically, or emotionally. This may include a lack of personal hygiene, not working on your physical and mental health, or engaging in destructive habits around alcohol, drugs, or food. 

How To Change Bad Habits In A Relationship 

Changing unhealthy habits in your relationship is not much different than changing any other habit. But before you start working on creating better habits, you first need to communicate honestly with your partner and determine the behavioral patterns you can begin changing. Once you’re aware of your potentially harmful routines, you can start replacing them with more beneficial ones, and reinforcing the loop over time. 

Looking For Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection? PIVOT Is Here To Help

What Is The Golden Rule Of Habit Change

Are you struggling with controlling your emotions in relationships? Or do you fear entering a long-term relationship? No matter what your emotional struggles may be, the experienced and compassionate team at PIVOT would be happy to provide you with the insight and resources you need to heal and improve. 

Whether you’d like to try our individual coaching designed for achieving emotional balance or wish to improve your relationship at one of our intensive workshops, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. Contact a PIVOT coach today! 

How To Keep A Healthy Routine & Not Get Stuck

Some people thrive on solid daily routines, while others cringe at the mere thought of following a predictable schedule. Whether you love or hate routines will mainly boil down to your personal preference and personality traits. However, maintaining some structure in your life, especially during stressful times, can have significant benefits to your mental and physical health. 

What’s more, your aversion to a love of routine may also affect your relationships. For instance, your partner may love to have a nicely structured daily schedule and be incredibly frustrated by your unwillingness to organize your own day. 

You may be able to work through your differences by attending a couples retreat or a relationship workshop. You can become aware of the psychological advantages of routine and learn how to bring healthy structure to your life and relationships. 

Is It Good To Have A Routine?

Most people are creatures of habit, even though they may not be aware of it. In fact, having a stable routine can be incredibly helpful, especially if you are trying to build healthy habits that will bring you long-term benefits. This is particularly useful during times of stress, when maintaining some form of structure may help you feel more in control of your emotions

The Psychological Benefits Of Routine

The Psychological Benefits Of Routine

Maintaining a healthy routine in your day-to-day life can have an immensely beneficial effect on both your physical and mental health. Here are some of the most important psychological benefits of having a routine: 

  • Better stress management: adding structure to your daily life can help reduce anxiety and stress, and in turn improve your overall mental health. 
  • Improved sleep schedule: establishing a consistent time for going to bed and waking up can improve your quality of rest, as well as affect your emotional well-being, mental sharpness, and energy levels. 
  • Improved health: If you incorporate physical exercise and a healthy diet in your routine, you can greatly improve your overall physical health. 
  • Enhanced self-esteem: since a healthy routine can make you feel more in control, it may also make you feel better about yourself and your achievements in general. 

Does Having A Routine Help With Anxiety?

Having a predictable, repetitive routine can indeed help reduce stress and anxiety. This is because maintaining some structure in your life can give you a sense of control and focus your attention on the present instead of the future. Still, by controlling your daily life, you’ll create a foundation for great benefits in the long-range future. 

Why Is It So Hard To Keep A Routine?

While maintaining day-to-day structure may be harder for a person who prefers adventure and variety to a “boring” routine, the main reason why keeping a routine is so difficult lies primarily in the difficulty of breaking and creating habits. In fact, anyone can follow a routine with sufficient time, effort, and dedication. By motivating yourself to develop and reinforce healthy habits, you’ll find sticking to a routine much easier. 

How Do You Not Get Stuck In A Routine?

Many people have an aversion to routine because they fear getting stuck in a rut. This may apply to your individual development, as well as your romantic relationships. You wake up at the same time with the same person, you get dressed, travel to work via the same route, work, come home, and go to sleep, and do it all over again the next day, until every day starts looking the same. 

While having some structure in your day-to-day life is good for your wellbeing, that doesn’t mean that your life should be void of creativity and spontaneity. Here’s what you can do to shake things up: 

  • Take a step back: it’s easy to get lost in the business of everyday life, running from one thing to the next. Make sure to take a step back and assess the bigger picture: what do you really want to do in your life? Make sure to check your priorities and direction every once in a while to make sure your routine doesn’t lose its benefits. 
  • Don’t forget leisure time: Not every moment of your day has to be planned. Make sure to set some time aside in your day for relaxation and activities you like doing in your free time. 
  • Keep challenging yourself: The point of a routine is to help bring control and structure into your daily life, not to stop you from growing. Instead of staying in your comfort zone, keep exploring, trying new things, and finding new challenges to overcome. 

How Do I Get Out Of A Routine In A Relationship?

Boredom can easily creep up in a relationship, especially when you’ve established a steady, unchanging daily routine. If you want to keep things fresh and avoid getting struck in a rut with your partner, try the following tips: 

  1. Be aware of your daily routines

    Turn off auto-pilot and try to recognize your habits. Once both you and your partner are aware of your routines, compare them and look for ways to shake things up. 

  2. Discuss your needs with your partner

    Communication is key to establishing healthy lasting relationships. Make sure to discuss your needs and daydreams with your partner, whether they have to do with physical intimacy, going on vacation, or cooking dinner.

  3. Switch up roles

    Spicing up a daily routine can be as simple as swapping up chores and responsibilities with your partner. You’d be surprised how effective this can be, even if you do it just once or twice a week. 

Shake Things Up At Our Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop

Does Having A Routine Help With Anxiety

Whether you need help finding the motivation to leave your comfort zone or wish to create a steady routine to ease your anxiety, reaching out to a professional may be exactly what you need. At PIVOT, we love helping individuals engage in healthy living and heal past wounds that may be preventing them from growing. We offer a wide array of carefully-designed relationship retreats and workshops, as well as insightful and transformative individual coaching sessions. Not sure which option would fit you the best? Give us a call today!

Relationship Fears: Why You Have Them & How To Overcome Them

There are numerous reasons why you might be experiencing fear in your relationship and having difficulties controlling your negative emotions. Sometimes, the reason can be underlying unresolved anger issues in your relationship, or your fear might be stemming from the emotional abandonment you could be experiencing.

Depending on the reason behind your fear, there are ways to resolve the matters and begin the process of healing and finding lost trust that will help you feel safe and secure in your relationship. That is why it is important to take a closer look at the potential reasons why you’re feeling scared, and what you can do to potentially overcome those fears before giving a relationship building skills workshop a chance. 

Why Am I So Scared In My Relationship?

What Is It Called When You Have A Fear Of Relationships

Being scared in a relationship doesn’t always have anything to do with negative treatment or feelings within a relationship. It could just mean that you’re actually scared of being in love, opening completely, and everything else being in a committed relationship can bring. Let’s take a look at the most common reasons people feel scared in relationships:

  1. You’re afraid of feeling vulnerable: New relationships are often uncharted territories, and allowing yourself to fall in love can feel risky. This challenges your core defenses, making you feel scared of becoming exposed and vulnerable.
  2. You’re afraid of past hurts: Your past relationship history and old family of origin wounds could be affecting your current relationship experience. The hurt you might have felt in your previous close relationships could be affecting your ability to commit, for fear of getting hurt again.
  3. You’re afraid of love challenging your identity: Being in a loving and committed relationship can make some people feel afraid of losing their own identity. They are scared of their partner influencing and changing their own notions of themselves as individuals.
  4. You’re afraid of pain accompanying love: You could be fearing that your complete joy of being in a relationship could be upended by an equal amount of inevitable sadness that follows.
  5. You’re afraid of the inequality of love: This can work both ways – you feeling your love remains unequally reciprocated, and you fearing you won’t give your partner the amount of love and devotion they instill upon you.
  6. You’re afraid of losing connection to your family: Some people perceive long-lasting relationships as the beginning of breaking up your family connections and starting a new life further away from them than they’d like.

What Is It Called When You Have A Fear Of Relationships?

Love, no matter how beautiful and uplifting, can also be frightening, and some apprehension is quite normal and expected. However, extreme fear of relationships can also exhibit itself in certain individuals, and it is called philophobia, or the fear of loving and connecting with another person.

Philophobia is a completely overwhelming fear of allowing yourself to fall in love. Symptoms can vary from one individual to another and, even if you don’t have this condition,you may have symptoms that would be important for you to address and heal.   There are some common symptoms that most people suffering from philophobia identify with:

  • You’re unable to let go of the past.
  • You’re scared of having your heart broken.
  • You’re not opening up to others.
  • You have constant trust issues.
  • You’re overly focused on your single life.
  • You feel like in a cage when in a relationship.
  • You’re only enjoying the physical aspects of a relationship.

How Do You Overcome Your Fears?

Learning how to overcome your fear of relationships is paramount when trying to be part of a loving, supportive, and nurturing relationship. There are three initial phases of first realizing your fear, before actually attempting to take steps to overcome it. As naive as they may sound, they are, nonetheless, vital for the starting efforts:

  • Attempt to realize that you’re experiencing relationship fear and anxiety.
  • Try to detect the underlying reason behind your relationship fears. 
  • Make the decision to endeavor to overcome your relationship fears.

Also, do not refrain from contacting experienced and educated relationship coaches to help you determine and overcome your fear of relationships. If you’re struggling to resolve your problems alone, you can always turn to professionals. 

Steps To Face Your Fears

Once you do become aware of your relationship fears, you can try to work them out. Although there are many methods and many steps to actually overcoming them, you can always try the following five steps that are simple, but exhaustive and effective:

  1. History

    Take a look at your relationship history, the reasons behind your relationships ending, the biggest hurdles and stumbling blocks, and try to draw conclusions.

  2. Inner critic

    Do not allow your own unfounded feelings of inadequacy affect your potential for being in a fulfilling relationship.

  3. Defenses

    Take a look at your potentially defensive attitude, try to determine the reasons behind it, and challenge them if they are unsubstantiated. 

  4. Feelings

    Allow yourself to truly feel and experience all the incredible feelings a committed relationship can offer. Do not close yourself to the beauty of a loving relationship.

  5. Vulnerability

    Finally, allow yourself to become open, and embrace the innate vulnerability that follows without trying to protect yourself by closing up. 

Choose PIVOT Relationship Building Skills Workshop To Deal With Your Fears

How Do You Overcome Your Fears?

Feeling scared in your relationship is an issue you can work through and resolve. However, sometimes, you are not able to do so on your own, and you might need some help from trained and educated professional coaches. When you find yourself unable to advance all alone, you can turn to qualified and experienced advocates from PIVOT to build or rebuild trust in your relationship at one of our workshops. PIVOT is a relationship retreat that offers love, care, and understanding. We are proud of our team of professional relationship advocates who offer both individual emotional intimacy coaching sessions, as well as relationship workshops and retreats for you and your partner. We want to help you feel safe and brave in your relationship once again. Contact PIVOT today!