Being Scared & Brave In Relationship: Is It Possible To Feel Both?

Dealing with conflicting emotions in your relationship is never easy. The love & hate counterparts quickly spring to mind, but individuals frequently feel both scared and safe, secure and insecure in a relationship, and they keep struggling with it and leaving the problem unresolved. 

If you are thinking of signing up for  emotional intimacy coaching sessions, it is important to come to understand the potential reasons behind your ambivalence. Why can you feel brave and scared at the same time? Perhaps you’ve been experiencing emotional neglect, or you’ve been feeling ignored for an extended period of time

These feelings can make you feel scared, but also give you initial, short-lasting strength to try and deal with them. Sometimes, it’s best to resolve your emotional intimacy issues alongside trained relationship coaches. However, let us first see what it means to be both scared and brave. 

What Does It Mean To Be Brave?

Can You Be Scared And Brave At The Same Time?

Bravery is a word often used, but frequently misunderstood and misexplained. Among all the definitions of courage, it is difficult to escape the assumption that there is only one, underlying trait that all those perceived to be brave or courageous share and must have.

The truth about bravery, however, is different and nowhere near as absolute as you might be led to believe by only glimpsing at it’s meaning. In fact, there are six main types of bravery people can exhibit at different times:

  • Physical bravery: This is what is most commonly perceived as courage. This type of bravery is exhibited at risk of bodily harm or death.
  • Social bravery: Social bravery involves allowing yourself to speak your mind at risk of rejection, unpopularity, exclusion, or embarrassment. 
  • Intellectual bravery: This type of bravery describes an individual’s capacity to risk making mistakes, to question their thinking, and to challenge existing ideas and concepts.
  • Moral bravery: Moral courage includes doing the thing you perceive as right, and risk facing disapproval, opposition, or shame by others.
  • Emotional bravery: This bravery is all about individuals allowing themselves to feel the complete spectrum of positive emotions, but also risk becoming open to negative ones.
  • Spiritual bravery: This type of bravery allows people to question their meaning and purpose. 

Can You Be Scared And Brave At The Same Time?

Nelson Mandela said that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. Nobody can feel only courage all the time, and it is completely normal for you to feel both scared and brave at the same time. 

In fact, one could argue that it is only possible to experience true bravery when taking action in face of debilitating fear. Sometimes, bravery and fear are not opposed, but complementary feelings. 

How Do You Be Brave When You’re Feeling Scared?

If you’re feeling scared, afraid of doing something, there are steps you can take that will help you act even when you’re not feeling up to it or willing. If you’d like to act bravely when faced with fear, you can try to follow this pattern of behavior:

  1. Keep taking action

    Although the natural instinct when feeling scared is to stop or take a break, do the opposite and keep doing things. If you avoid taking action for too long, it can become your default behavioral pattern.

  2. Make decisions

    Do not shy away from making important decisions because you’re scared of the responsibility they carry with them. Instead, make decisions even when you’re afraid of making them.

  3. Feel everything

    Do not be afraid of opening yourself up to both the positive and the negative feelings. Feel the emotions coming your way and embrace them, don’t run away from them in fear.

  4. Consider the benefits

    Finally, stop to consider all the potential benefits that await if you decide to do the thing you’re frightened of doing. Focus on the positive and go for it. 

How Can I Be Fearless In A Relationship?

Being fearless in a relationship is a trait that can allow you to enjoy the emotional intimacy relationships bring more. The key to losing all fear you might be harboring in your relationships lies in taking small steps that amount to a big change:

  • Speak to your partner as much as possible
  • Be honest when communicating with your partner
  • Initiate intimacy in your relationship
  • Ask your partner for help if you need it
  • Be graceful when accepting and giving compliments
  • State your opinions clearly
  • Say yes to your partner’s healthy suggestions 

Join PIVOT Workshops & Work On Your Emotional Intimacy Issues 

How Do You Be Brave When You’re Feeling Scared?

Sometimes, feeling scared in a relationship is a matter with a single resolution due to problems stemming from deep incompatibility between you and your partner. At other times, it is an emotional intimacy issue you can resolve. However, if you’re not feeling up to the task, and you find yourself unable to deal with your relationship fears without professional help, know that you can always turn to experienced relationships coaches at PIVOT.

Our educated, qualified, and knowledgeable relationship advocates are here to help you start feeling safe and brave in your relationship once again. We can offer both individual coaching sessions for resolving your relationship fears, and our relationship advocates hold coaching sessions for both partners to work out their struggles. PIVOT can help you feel good again. Reach out to us today!

The Meaning & Power Of Passion

When you hear the word “passion”, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Do you think about romance and passionate love, or do you think of finding your passion or sense of purpose in life? 

Passion seems to be one of those words that is used frequently but has a somewhat vague or unattainable sound to it. Most people use the word passion to refer to strong or intense emotions, whether it’s in relation to long-term enthusiasm and motivation or strong sexual attraction. 

But is passion something that only some of us have while others search far and wide to find it? Should you speak to a remote relationship coach to find your “true” passion? Is passion as elusive as happiness?

In this article, we discuss the meaning and nature of passion and explore how intense emotions can affect our relationships and overall quality of life. Read on. 

What Is The Meaning Of Passion?

Passion can mean a whole lot of different things to different people. For some, passion takes a form of obsessive love or sexual attraction, while others see it as long-term commitment and motivation to a topic or activity. Still, most definitions of passion seem to include intense feelings and emotions, whether long-term or short lived. In general, passion is often linked with topics, people, and activities with the following characteristics: 

  • Something you enjoy 
  • Something you value 
  • Something you’re dedicated to 

Despite the varying personal definitions of passion, research findings seem to be clear on one thing: passion can be developed and used in a positive manner that helps us achieve our personal goals and dreams. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your passion will be something previously unknown to you and rekindled out of nowhere; it simply means that enduring motivation and dedication to an area of interest can increase your possibility of achieving success in that area, whether it’s work, a hobby, or any other aspect of personal development. 

What Are The Types Of Passion?

What Are The Types Of Passion?

In order to satisfy their basic psychological needs of autonomy, competence, and relatedness, people engage in a wide range of activities throughout their life, trying to find those which provide enjoyment and fulfillment. Most people select a limited number of activities that they perceive as particularly important and enjoyable. These activities can then be considered as passions. 

In the Dualistic Model of Passion (DMP) proposed by Robert J. Vallerand, there are two main types of passionate activities: 

Harmonious 

Harmonious passion is born when an activity is autonomously internalized into a person’s identity. When an individual freely accepts the activity as resonant or important to them, a motivational force is created, encouraging them to engage in the passionate activity on a regular basis. 

Harmonious passion comes from the authentic integrating self, meaning that the individual is free to fully partake in the activity in a flexible, open manner, without feeling an uncontrollable urge to engage in it. This form of passion usually has positive effects on the person’s psychological well-being. 

Obsessive 

Obsessive passion, on the other hand, comes about when an activity is internalized in a controlled manner, typically from intrapersonal and interpersonal pressure that involves matters of self-esteem and social acceptance. 

The sense of enjoyment and excitement in this type of passion is often uncontrollable, and the individual may experience an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity. This tends to lead to a lack of flexibility that may conflict with other areas in the individual’s life and have a negative impact on their psychological well-being. 

Is Passion Stronger Than Love?

In romantic relationships, the word passion is often used to refer to infatuation and sexual attraction. Romantic passion is also often contrasted with love, with the former being a temporary phase of euphoria or ecstasy and the latter being a lasting state of living. In the sense of attraction, passion is often strong, yet short lived. By contrast, companionate love and emotional intimacy tend to be better predictors of happiness in the relationship than passion, although both can have a positive impact. 

How Long Does Passion Last?

It’s easy to get lost in romantic passion and expect that the intense feelings will last forever. Unfortunately, this kind of attraction has an expiration date. The initial romantic passion and infatuation may last for a couple of years before giving way to less intense, but no less powerful companionship and love. 

How Do You Bring Back Passion? 

Whether you feel like you’ve lost attraction to your partner and wish to revive a dying relationship or want to bring back a passion for a hobby, you may find value in the following tips: 

  1. Take a step back.

    Slowing down can help you get in touch with your deepest values and enable you to reconnect with your partner. This may mean going on walks in nature, practicing yoga, and relaxing with your loved one. 

  2. Rekindle emotional connections.

    Open and honest communication can do wonders for rekindling the passion in your relationship. Strengthening intimacy can also improve your confidence and motivation to engage in activities that improve your psychological well-being.

  3. Learn to live in the moment.

    Focusing on the present moment and practicing mindfulness can both rekindle your personal passions and improve your romantic relationships. 

  4. Combat your fears.

    Whether you are afraid of ending up alone or struggle with being vulnerable, facing your fears and insecurities is necessary if you want to move forward and nurture healthy relationships in your life.

Speak With A Relationship Coach Online And Revive Your Passion 

Is Passion Stronger Than Love?

At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples find a sense of purpose and enjoyment in their lives by offering expertise-based relationship coaching and advice to facilitate positive change. Through a wide range of tailored intensive workshops and retreats, we can help you achieve balance in your emotional life and promote sustained psychological well-being. It is our goal to provide you with the tools and resources you need to overcome your fears and heal your emotional wounds. Get in touch with a PIVOT advocate today.

Understanding Autophobia: Why You’re Afraid Of Being Alone

For some people, being alone can be a source of joy and contentment. They engage in solitary activities they are passionate about, contemplate life, and reach out to others when they feel the need for connection and companionship. 

Some individuals, on the other hand, feel uneasy and afraid when they are alone. In fact, the fear of being alone is quite a widespread phenomenon. People who are afraid of being alone can experience severe anxiety when on their own and feel like they need other people around them in order to feel safe. 

In some cases, the fear of being alone may be linked to attachment issues that activate what the behavioral health industry often calls love addiction, caused by childhood neglect or trauma. The fear may also develop as a result of other anxiety disorders or actual negative experiences when alone. 

Keep reading to learn more about the fear of being alone and learn what you can do to overcome it. 

What Is The Fear Of Being Alone?

Symptoms Of Autophobia

The fear of being alone, also known as autophobia or monophobia, tends to entail feelings of anxiety and uneasiness in solitude. If you suffer from autophobia, you may feel a strong urge to have another person beside you in order to feel safe in your own home. You may keep the TV on at all times, have long phone conversations throughout the day just to avoid being alone with your thoughts, or spend time with people you don’t actually like. 

Autophobia is not a rational fear – the person may understand that they are physically safe, but still experience anxiety and fear of: 

  • Strangers and burglars 
  • Feeling unwanted or unloved 
  • Experiencing sudden medical issues 
  • Hearing strange, unexpected noises 

Symptoms Of Autophobia 

If you have a chronic fear of being alone, you may experience a wide range of psychological and physical symptoms when alone or faced with a possibility of ending up alone. Some common symptoms include: 

  • Obsessive worry about being on your own 
  • Intense fear of bad things that could happen to you while being alone
  • Feelings of detachment from your body in solitude 
  • Experiencing sweating, chest pains, shaking, dizziness, nausea, or hyperventilation when alone
  • Extreme panic when a relationship ends – even one that is not healthy 
  • Overwhelming urge to flee when you’re alone 
  • Anticipatory anxiety symptoms when faced with the possibility of ending up alone

The fear of being alone can cause a person to go to extreme lengths in order to avoid solitude. They may not want other people to leave, often at the cost of appearing clingy or needy. In general, individuals with autophobia tend to lack independence in their relationships. 

Is It Normal To Hate Being Alone?

Humans are social creatures, which means that we often prefer to share our time and experiences with others instead of being alone. It is perfectly normal to feel lonely when you feel like you don’t have enough meaningful social connections. However, if you experience severe anxiety when alone or at the thought of ending up alone, you may be struggling with autophobia in which case reaching out to a professional may be the best course of action. 

What Triggers Autophobia?

An individual experiencing autophobia may become anxious at the mere thought of ending up alone. Although an actual threat to their wellbeing may not exist, the individual might still struggle to control their symptoms. 

While it’s not always clear what leads to autophobia, here are some possible causes: 

Childhood experiences 

Like many other phobias, the fear of being alone often develops in childhood. You may not be aware of the specific source of your fear; you might have experienced an event that resulted in a fear of abandonment, such as a death in your family, neglect, or a parental divorce. 

Past trauma 

Some people develop autophobia after a traumatic experience that happened when they were alone. If the traumatic memories aren’t properly integrated, the person may experience intense fear when faced with a situation that reminds them of the event. 

Other conditions

The fear of being alone can also come as a result of other psychological conditions, such as generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, or PTSD. For example, if you tend to experience panic attacks, you may fear being alone with no one around to help you. 

How Do I Get Over My Fear Of Being Alone?

Overcoming your deepest fears can be a challenging experience. If you fear being alone, you may find solace in the following strategies: 

  • Mindfulness exercises, meditation, and aromatherapy can help lower your anxiety levels and help you self-regulate. By learning to be present in your environment, you will find it easier to ward off anxiety symptoms and calm yourself down. 
  • For some people, having a steady routine can reduce anxiety symptoms. This may entail maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in housework on a regular basis. 
  • If you notice that your fear is impacting your relationships and other areas of life, you may want to try distracting yourself with background noises. Listening to music, watching TV, or using your phone or tablet can give you something to focus on. 
  • The previous step, while useful, won’t help you address the underlying cause of the fear. Consider reaching out to professionals online or in person or seeking support from friends and family. 

Face Your Fears Through Expert Codependency Recovery Coaching

Is It Normal To Hate Being Alone?

Living life in fear can prevent you from achieving your goals and establishing meaningful, fulfilling relationships. PIVOT is here to help you heal your core wounds and overcome insecurities in a compassionate, holistic manner. With years of experience helping couples and individuals, our team is fully committed to providing our clients with reliable and tailored support. 

You can find the support you deserve through our personalized and insightful individual coaching or in one of our transformative relationship-building retreats and workshops. No matter which option you choose, you can expect our PIVOT advocates to provide you with expertise-based advice that helps you change the course of your life. Contact us today and start your journey to happiness and well-being. 

How To Become A Better Partner In A Relationship?

Wanting to become a better person and partner and improve your relationship is an excellent way to show your partner how much you care about them and that you’re willing to work on your behavior. Maybe you were finding it difficult to control your emotions or, quite the opposite, you’ve become emotionally distant from your partner

Perhaps there has been dishonesty in the relationship on your part, which has caused your partner to become a more private person toward you. The reasons for wanting to become a better partner are many, and it is great you’re trying.

Even if you’re not managing to find the right way on your own, you can always try some healthy relationship workshop activities to modify your behavior. However, let’s first see what you can do.

What Does It Mean To Become A Better Person?

Do People Really Change?

Becoming a better person is a process that sounds a bit strange, as if suggesting you’re bad to begin with, and that there are serious personality changes you have to undergo in order to improve yourself. 

However, you first have to be free of this misconception in order to start becoming a “better” person. The more adequate expression could be a better version of yourself. First, you have to be aware that:

  • You are not striving to be perfect, as such a thing doesn’t exist.
  • It’s not about you being bad or wrong, and you’re not a problem that needs to be fixed.

Being A Better Version Of Yourself

Becoming an improved version of yourself means that you become aware of some of your characteristics that you might be unwittingly expressing poorly, which reflects on both your loved ones and yourself.

Therefore, if you’re looking to learn what becoming a better person actually means, it entails the following:

  • Being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to detect in which areas of your life you could use a little help.
  • Eliminating all the negative thoughts that might be holding you back from being the best you you can be.
  • Allowing yourself to become more open to new ways of thinking, and new life experiences.

So, it is not about changing the “bad” aspects of your personality, life, or way of thinking, but rather becoming a more open individual who is allowing themselves plenty of room for personal growth.

Do People Really Change?

You can frequently hear about how nobody ever actually changes, and how people retain their prominent personality characteristics no matter what. However, it is not the person that is unable to change, but rather the environment’s perception of that person. Sometimes, no matter how much individuals try to modify their behavior, those around them tend to disbelieve their efforts as genuine.

And that is the single biggest problem with the age-old question of whether or not a person ever really changes. The scrutiny of the environment and its unwillingness to accept a person who is doing their hardest to become a better version of themselves is what ultimately creates the climate of people remaining the same no matter how much their behavior changes.

However, it is entirely possible for individuals to modify their behavior in a positive way and become what they were always hoping they would. It is usually to the rest of the people in their environment to accept the change and provide the invaluable support that will show their efforts are recognized and respected.

What Are The Qualities Of A Good Partner?

Every person is looking for different personality traits in their romantic partners, so it is not possible to provide a list of the most important qualities every partner should possess. But, there are some qualities people most frequently look for when thinking about entering a romantic relationship.

It is worth noting, however, that this is a highly individual matter and that different people will find different characteristics more important than others. Nonetheless, here are several traits that people tend to deem most important in their romantic counterparts:

  1. Openness

    An open partner is one that is able to share their thoughts and feelings and is willing to be as open as possible with their partners.

  2. Honesty

    Honesty is a very important trait, as it allows partners to build trust among each other.

  3. Respect

    Many people highly value their partner’s respect, as it makes them feel equal in a relationship.

  4. Empathy

    People feel empathy is important because that allows them to be heard and understood by their partner.

  5. Affection

    It is very important for both partners to be affectionately connected on both a physical and emotional level.

  6. Communication

    It is very important for both partners to be able to communicate well in a relationship, as good communication is vital for resolving potential problems.

  7. Patience

    Patience is also among the desirable traits people look for in a partner, as it allows for a more loving and caring relationship.

How Can I Be A Better Partner In My Relationship?

Communicate openly and honestly with your partner and see what they find the most important, in order to be able to provide them with the things they need. However, there are some things you can do in an effort to become a better partner in your relationship:

  • Show more appreciation for your partner.
  • Do a nice thing for your partner every day.
  • Don’t try to be right all the time.
  • Give your partner the attention they deserve.
  • Set more quality time aside for your partner.
  • Give your partner support in following their dreams.
  • Try to rekindle the romantic flame by going on dates.
  • Keep an open mind and don’t overreact.
  • Don’t judge your partner, but accept them for who they are.
  • Listen openly to what your partner is trying to say.

Join A PIVOT Couple Relationship Management Workshop & Start Working On Your Relationship

What Are The Qualities Of A Good Partner?

It’s admirable wanting to become a better person and a better partner for your significant other and improve your relationship. However, sometimes, you might not be sure of exactly what to do and how to change your behavior towards your partner. 

Turning to experienced relationship advocates at PIVOT can really help you find what you were looking for. We offer a variety of programs that will help you become a better partner and give your loved one the care they deserve. 

We organize specialized retreats and workshops for struggling couples that contain many healthy relationship activities for you to try, as well as individual coaching alongside a qualified team of relationship advocates. We are here to help you become a better version of yourself. Reach out to PIVOT today!

Failing Relationships: What Are The Reasons & How Do You Revive A Relationship?

It is difficult to be part of a failing relationship. Sometimes, relationships can become boring and partners fail to find the lost interest in each other. At other times, partners find it hard to control their emotions, which leads to outbursts that can seriously harm every relationship. Whatever the reason behind a failing relationship, the fact of it being difficult to handle remains.

However, that doesn’t have to be the end. Many relationships go through a couple of rough patches and end up stronger for it. Even problems such as losing attraction to your partner can work out if you give your relationship a chance and resort to professional emotional intimacy coaching. However, it’s always good to first know why you’re experiencing such difficulties.

How Long Does The Average Relationship Last?

Why Do Relationships Fail?

Research shows that the current average length of a relationship is only 2 years and 9 months, which can sound discouraging, unsettling even. However, this kind of relationship average is taken slightly out of context as it can depend on multiple factors such as the age of both partners. There are three main relationship categories based on the age of the partners, and their duration can vary:

  1. 20-year-olds: Young adults aged between twenty and thirty begin to form longer-lasting relationships. Relationships at this age can last as much as four years. However, although generally emotionally mature, individuals of this age are rarely ready to settle down.
  2. 30-year-olds: When individuals hit the age of thirty, the duration of a relationship significantly increases. Generally speaking, this is a time when most people start thinking about settling down with a partner, which leads to a decrease in breakups and increase in relationship longevity.
  3. Older individuals: As individuals get older, the average duration of a relationship increases to ten years or more, as breakups decrease even more. This leads to the conclusion that when relationships and partners pass a certain point, breakups become less likely. 

However, it is worth noting that the average length of a relationship is nothing more than a generalization based on a limited number of samples. The actual duration of a relationship between two individuals depends on many factors, and cannot be precisely quantified.

Why Do Relationships Fail?

Providing a definite conclusion on the reason behind a failed relationship is impossible. All relationships are different, and getting to the bottom of the breakup is a lot more complicated than stating a single reason.

There are several reasons behind failed relationships that seem to come up more frequently than others. While it is not possible to state the single biggest reason behind most breakups, it is worth taking a look at the most commonly stated reasons for relationships not working out.

  1. Lack of trust

    Losing trust in your partner is one of the most common reasons couples break up. When you lose trust in a relationship, you also lose security and safety, which are paramount for success. What’s more, lack of trust can lead to jealousy, emotional detachment, and possessiveness, among other issues.

  2. Priorities and expectations

    Lack of similar priorities in life and relationships, as well as different expectations of a life spent together can lead to couples deciding to end a relationship rather than working on the problems.

  3. Poor communication

    The inability to properly communicate with a partner is one of the biggest reasons behind the challenges that couples experience. Contemptuous communication can easily destroy a once-healthy relationship.

  4. Egocentricity

    Egocentricity can lead to a single partner constantly trying to get their way, leaving the other party feeling increasingly less valuable and respected, which can lead to a relationship breakdown.

  5. Relational mistreatment

    There are various forms of mistreatment in relationships, but they all boil down to repeated physical or mental abuse by your significant other. Every individual wants to be loved and cared for, and when the situation is completely opposite, relationships can end.

  6. Relationship boredom

    Even though dealing with relationship boredom sounds extremely simple, the truth is that all relationship problems are equally difficult in their own right. Sometimes, couples find it too demanding to rekindle the spark, which leads to a breakup.

  7. Financial difficulties

    One of the most frequent reasons behind marital dissolution and failed relationships is financial incompatibility. Sometimes, couples can find a common language when it comes to controlling their finances, which can cause their relationship to end.

What Is The Most Common Reason For Breakups?

As mentioned, providing a single, most common reason behind failed relationships would not only be impossible, but also inconsiderate to couples who are struggling because of different issues.

Relationships differ as much as the individuals in those relationships differ, and everybody perceives problems differently. For some, financial incompatibility is a more substantial problem than poor communication, while their partner could feel the opposite. 

It is important to be aware of the fact that all relationship problems are equally important if they’re causing significant friction between you and your partner. Relationships require work, and even the arguably smallest of problems can cause discontent if left uncommunicated. 

How Do You Revive A Dying Relationship?

Reviving a dying relationship takes an honest desire of both partners, and at times, requires help from a qualified relationship coach.

If you’re noticing that your relationship is starting to struggle, here are some things you can try doing to get it back on track:

  • Admit responsibility if you think you’ve treated your partner poorly.
  • If you or your partner have been dishonest, grant each other an opportunity to win the trust back.
  • Be honest with your emotions instead of bottling them up.
  • Be compassionate and caring towards the person you love.
  • Try to always talk and work out the relationship problems you’re facing.
  • Focus on the good parts of your relationship, instead of being blinded by the bad aspects.
  • Don’t give in to your anger and try to always be respectful to your partner.
  • Do not allow the people outside of your relationship to affect you and your partner’s decisions.
  • Show your partner how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship to make it last. 
  • Try to introduce some changes to your relationship.
  • Set more time to spend with your partner
  • Try to have more affectionate physical contact with your partner. 
  • Communicate all the relationship issues with your partner calmly and honestly.
  • Try to have as much fun together as you can to make your relationship more enjoyable.
  • Don’t shy away from seeking professional help from qualified relationship advocates.

Sign Up For PIVOT Emotional Intimacy Coaching And Overcome Relationship Problems

What Is The Most Common Reason For Breakups?

Being in a relationship that used to be loving, caring, and nurturing, and seeing it failing and crumbling under your feet is an emotionally draining experience that can take its toll on every person. 

However, it’s never too late to try to revive your relationship. There are many options, and joining a private couple retreats for reconnection with your significant other can prove to be what your relationship needed to get back on track. 

PIVOT is the perfect place for you and your partner to reconnect and rekindle the failing flame of your relationship. Our experienced team of relationship advocates provides individual coaching sessions, and we also organize relationship workshops and retreats with qualified and dedicated relationship coaches. Turn to PIVOT and find a common language with your partner again!

Living In The Moment: What Does It Truly Mean?

You’ve probably been told at least once in your life to live in the present moment, or you may have encountered the cliché phrase in a movie or a book. But what does it actually mean to live in the moment? Is it possible to forget about the past and the future and be fully present? 

Whether you’re experiencing relationship problems and struggle to find good solutions or suffer from anxiety and depression, it is easy to become overwhelmed by your emotions and let otherwise enjoyable moments pass by. Instead, we worry about our future or ruminate about the past, losing track of what goes on around us. 

While it is not entirely possible to leave the past behind, and not think about the future at all, there seems to be a definite value in appreciating the present moment.

What Does Living In The Moment Mean?

Why Is Living In The Moment Important?

When you live in the moment, you are fully present and aware of the emotions and thoughts that you have right now. If you’re not present, your thoughts are either turned towards the past or fixated on the future. 

Naturally, it is perfectly normal to think about the past or daydream about the future. Looking back helps us to better understand ourselves and our choices, while looking forward can enable us to plan our next steps and prepare for what’s coming. 

However, when you get caught up in rumination and anxiety, your past or future-oriented thoughts may start to dictate your behaviors and prevent you from thinking realistically about your current situation. 

This is why practicing mindfulness of the present moment can be a valuable tool for combating anxious and regretful thought patterns. 

Why Is Living In The Moment Important? 

While you may not be able to completely avert your thoughts from the past or the future, you can try to center yourself and evaluate your present thoughts and emotions in a realistic way by focusing on the here and now. In fact, being present can help you in a number of ways: 

  • You can only control the present moment. Although you can learn much about yourself from the way you behaved in the past and create a promising plan for reaching your future goals, the present moment is the only moment you can actually control. 
  • You won’t miss out on enjoyable moments. How many times have you heard the phrase, life is short. There is no way of knowing for certain what tomorrow will bring, so cherishing what you have right now and taking advantage of the present possibilities may be your best bet. 
  • It can reduce your stress levels. Practicing mindfulness and learning proper breathing techniques can help combat stress and anxiety. Truly living in the moment is a useful tool for protecting your mental health. 
  • You’ll keep your expectations in check. No matter how thoroughly you plan your future, your plans may not work out the way you imagined them. By being aware of your present realities, you will find it easier to manage expectations and save yourself from disappointment. 
  • It can improve your relationships. Unfortunately, many relationships break apart because one or both partners can’t let go of the past or they’re too focused on planning for the future. When you are present, you’ll be more likely to appreciate the moments you spend with your partner. 

How Do You Learn To Live In The Moment?

Living in the moment sounds relatively simple. And it would be if we only had a switch that can shut off our thoughts or divert them towards the present. Considering that we don’t, true mindfulness may take quite a bit of effort. Here are some tips for staying present: 

  1. Give something your full attention

    Whether it’s playing an instrument, having a personalized mantra, or creating art, focusing your attention on a single activity can help keep your thoughts centered and induce a state of flow. 

  2. Breathe

    Learning good breathing techniques can help you reduce the stress of the present moment and appreciate the here and now. Relax and do nothing for a while, only focusing on your breathing and your bodily sensations. 

  3. Let your thoughts flow

    When you lose yourself in an activity or simply focus on your breathing, your thoughts may create a state of flow or non-thought. You may be still strategizing or planning in the short term, but your thoughts will be focused solely on what you’re doing right now. 

  4. Stay off social media

    While the internet and the social media have their own perks, it can be useful to separate yourself from the constant influx of images and news flooding them every day. This will help you focus inwardly and avoid unnecessary distractions.

  5. Experience your senses

    Your five senses can anchor you in the present moment, preventing the past and the future from overcoming your mind. Listen to the sounds around you, enjoy your food, or feel the heat of the sun. 

How Do You Live In The Moment In A Relationship?

Learning to cherish each moment can also help improve your relationship with your partner. If you spend your time worrying about what you will do next or keep arguing about the past, you may create distance between your partner and yourself.

This is easier said than done. I get it. If you are still trying to resolve attachment wounds from the past, the old memories can come up out of nowhere and hijack your ability to be in the present moment. 

The couples I work with do that often – a dance of anxiety that lifts them out of the present moment or the dance of avoidance that takes them out of the present moment. Resulting in disconnect.

You can focus on the present by: 

  • Engaging in activities that make both of you happy, whether it’s preparing dinner together, watching a movie or going biking. 
  • Set aside some time for relaxation and give your partner the space to do the same 
  • Try not to bring up mistakes from the past and focus on bettering yourself and your relationship right now 
  • Don’t get hung up on what the future holds for your relationship and try to go with the flow 
  • Communicate openly and honestly about what bothers you in the relationship instead of ignoring your emotional needs 
  • Attend relationship building workshops with your partner to deepen and revive your relationship which will make living in the moment together possible

Fix Your Relationship Through An Insightful Intensive Workshop 

How Do You Learn To Live In The Moment

Learning to be mindful of the present moment can take some time, but it’s far from impossible. At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples find balance in their relationships and heal from their past hurts. Whether you’re struggling with angry outbursts or fear getting bored of your relationship, our dedicated advocates can offer valuable tools and resources to help you center yourself and build stronger bonds. 

Our carefully designed coaching techniques and retreats for emotional reconnection may be exactly what you need to find joy in your relationships. Reach out to a PIVOT Coach now! 

The Challenge Of Controlling Emotions In Relationships

Emotions are a curious thing. At times, it can seem like they come out of nowhere, confusing us with their strength and intensity. For instance, you may start crying because you’re mad and get even more angry at yourself because you’ve been taught that tears are reserved for sadness. Or you may snap at your partner for a tiny mistake they made, even though you know that that’s not a particularly reasonable response.

There are numerous reasons why you may let your emotions overwhelm you; you may be struggling with depression or anxiety, or have attachment issues stemming from your childhood of which you’re completely unaware. While codependency coaching and other forms of guidance can be of great help in this regard, it is surely a good idea to learn more about the nature of emotions in the meantime. Read on. 

Can We Control Our Emotions?

Why Is It So Hard To Control My Emotions?

One way to understand emotions is to look at them as your mind’s automatic response to certain stimuli. They are entirely natural, and it’s essential not to see them as either good or bad. In certain situations, an emotion that is often seen as undesirable, such as anger, may be the only natural response. 

Humans are emotional beings, and even if you consciously or subconsciously ignore or detach from your emotions, they will still be there, influencing your behavior in a number of covert ways. Your body does keep the score.  While you may not necessarily be able to control your emotions, you can change the way you react to them. For example, you can choose not to snap at your partner but accept the fact that you feel angry at them and respond in a more balanced manner and try to be a better person in the relationship

Why Is It So Hard To Control My Emotions?

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to process our emotions in a healthy way. If your emotions feel too intense and completely out of control, know that you’re not alone. The important thing is to understand why you feel this way, as there may be a number of underlying reasons why you may be experiencing emotional outbursts such as irritability and fits of crying or anger. These may include: 

  • Lack of sleep: getting enough sleep is essential to our wellbeing. You may feel irritable or overcome by your emotions simply because you haven’t slept enough or slept too much. 
  • Depression & anxiety: along with other mood and personality disorders, anxiety, and depression can cause you to either lose touch with your emotions or succumb to their intensity. Especially if you are in denial of having either or both. 
  • Trusting your thoughts too much: many of us have been taught that reason should be dominant to feeling. Unfortunately, this can lead you to trust your every thought as if it was undoubtedly true, even though it may be damaging to your mental health. 
  • Judging your emotions: emotions are neither good nor bad. They are a natural response to certain situations in your life. Instead of judging them, try accepting them in order to better control your behavior. 
  • Lack of self care: In addition to sleep, your diet and physical activity can also influence your emotional wellbeing. Eating healthy and exercising regularly can do wonders for your mental health. 

While it is entirely natural to experience intense emotions, you may want to reach out to professionals if you feel overwhelmed and unable to escape their influence. Coaching sessions can help you understand why you feel the way you do and guide you towards finding emotional balance. 

Can We Change Our Emotions By Changing Our Thinking?

Logic and emotions often clash, and it’s easy to see our emotions and thoughts as entirely separate. In fact, many people have a strong preference for one or the other in the way they approach life. However, our thoughts and emotions are far more interconnected than you may think. 

Either emotions or thinking by themselves aren’t enough to paint the whole picture. Although you may be inclined to believe that you have full control over your thoughts, the emotions you ignore will find a way to bubble up to the surface and affect your train of thought and behavior. 

Gaining A New Perspective 

The way we feel can influence the way we think, but can the way we think change the way we feel? While you may not be able to control the emotions you experience, you might be able to change the way you perceive them and act upon them. As a matter of fact, your emotions can be a useful guide, providing you with essential information that can help you determine the right course of action. 

Once you stop evaluating your emotions as negative or positive, you may gain a new perspective and understand where they are coming from. This will help you find the balance between reason and emotion and give you more control over your actions. 

How Do You Control Your Emotions In A Relationship?

Frequent emotional outbursts can hurt relationships, especially if your partner doesn’t understand why you react the way you do. But instead of holding back your emotions, you can learn to manage them in a healthy way. Here’s how: 

  1. Slow down

    Try to take a step back whenever you feel angry, sad, or frustrated, however hard it may be. The goal here is to be emotionally proactive instead of reactive.

  2. Give yourself time

    When things get heated, it’s easy to run headfirst into an argument. Instead, you may want to take some time apart and cool down before addressing the problem. 

  3. Explore your emotions

    What are your emotions telling you? Understanding why you feel sad or angry will help you see them more realistically and take appropriate action. 

  4. Question the relationship

    are your emotional needs being met in the relationship? If not, try communicating openly with your partner about what’s actually bothering you once you both cool down. 

Reach Out To A Relationship Coach Online & Gain Insight Into Your Emotions 

Can We Change Our Emotions By Changing Our Thinking?

Achieving emotional balance is not an easy thing to do. Fortunately, you can rely on experienced and committed professionals at PIVOT to help you gain a new perspective on your emotions and take the first step towards healthy emotional management. 

At PIVOT, we offer compassionate and insightful coaching sessions for individuals and couples, as well as a range of transformative relationship-building workshops that can give you the resources you need to build deep and stable connections. Get in touch today!