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Reciprocity In Love: What It Is & Why It’s Important

Posted on November 24, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

Every individual needs and deserves to be on an equal footing with their romantic partner. This is when you can truly thrive as a person and feel confident in both yourself and your romantic bond. However, relationships often tip to one side, as this balance is very delicate and people’s past experiences play into their power dynamic with their current partner.

Find out what reciprocity is in love and how you can achieve a more equal balance of power within your relationship. You can also get a step closer to building trust in a relationship by attending an eye-opening couples workshop.

What Is Reciprocity In Love?

Reciprocity can take many shapes and mean slightly different things in different spheres of life. For example, a business and a customer can be in a reciprocal relationship. If the business provides the quality of service the customer needs and the customer in turn pays for this service, reciprocity is established. As long as they keep their side of the bargain, this type of relationship is fulfilling for both parties.

The same principle can be applied to love. Being in a reciprocal romantic relationship means that you and your partner are equally supportive of one another and provide each other with the same level of trust, care, and affection. However, the need to maintain reciprocity can also create unhealthy patterns, such as if you engage in toxic tit-for-tat behavior.

What Is An Example Of Reciprocity In A Relationship?

The most basic example of reciprocity is requited love, when you and your partner feel the same about one another. It’s a two-sided relationship where both of you feel equally appreciated, safe, and understood.

There are other examples, too, such as:

Your partner will comfort you after a rough day at work and you’ll also empathize with them when their week is going badly.
You each make attempts to breathe new shared experiences into the relationship.
You’ll show respect to their family members and friends and you’ll expect them to do the same for you. Even if you don’t feel the same way about friend or family member.
Partners may split chores in half so one person is responsible for mopping and vacuuming while the other one’s in charge of cleaning the kitchen.
This “division of labor” can apply to responsibilities other than housework. For example, if one of you is picking up the kids from school, the other one will go grocery shopping and make dinner.

Reciprocity will ideally stem from a place of love and respect instead of being a manipulative strategy used to get what you want. It may mean compromising your comfort from time to time, and if your partner is willing to do the same for you, it is definitely worth it.

Is Reciprocity Important In A Relationship?

To an extent, the balance of reciprocity will depend on your and your partners’ particular personalities. Some people are naturally more nurturing than others. They could be perfectly happy to give more than they receive. It’s equally important to note that “giving” is more than just time and emotion. It is also financial contributions and making good sound decisions.

If you’re overly focused on your partner’s needs to the point of losing yourself, it’s a problem.

A healthy relationship has to provide a comfortable, stimulating environment for you and your partner to thrive, and this typically includes a more-or-less equal balance between the two of you. Every person requires warmth, comfort, and help, so your partner needs to provide these in equal measure.

However, there are also negative instances of reciprocity in a relationship, when you act vengeful toward one another. For example, one of you may feel jealous and cheat on your partner to get back at them. This type of back-and-forth hurtful behavior may lead to a lot of emotional turmoil and the ultimate breakdown of your relationship.

How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Non-Reciprocal?

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if you’re in a non-reciprocal relationship. Some signs of this may be:

One of you isn’t as dedicated to the relationship and willing to commit as the other one.
One partner does all the work around the house or handles all aspects of child rearing completely on their own.
Only one person is the breadwinner while the other one doesn’t show a willingness to contribute to the family’s budget and over spends.
Only one of you provides support and nurturing to the other partner. If you’re on the giving end, you may feel underappreciated as well as physically and emotionally drained.

Sometimes, special circumstances can skew the balance of reciprocity in your relationship and that can be healthy, as long as you both honestly are in agreement and acceptance. For example, if one partner becomes seriously ill, the other one will usually bear the brunt of caring for them and single-handedly take care of the responsibilities they previously shared.

How Do You Create A Reciprocal Relationship?

There are several things you can do to make sure your partner feels appreciated

Check in with them to see how they’re feeling and what they need
Do little, thoughtful things for your partner as often as you can, such as buying them a small gift, making them a meal, or helping them with chores.
Let them know how they could meet your needs.
Keep the lines of communication open and you’ll both have a better understanding of how you can make each other happy.

Where Can I Find A Helpful Couple Relationship Management Workshop?

PIVOT can provide answers to all of your relationship dilemmas, such as how to keep your new relationship strong, finally let go of the painful sense of shame, or overcome the tendency to be complacent in a relationship. Both our healing 5-day retreats at the Glass House and our custom coaching sessions for individuals can uncover your deep-seated fears and needs as well as teach you how to go after them.

Through your journey of discovery and self-growth, you’ll learn how to have more successful relationships and feel fantastic in your own skin. Our relationship advocates are experienced in helping individuals pivot toward self-improvement. Thanks to our holistic approach, you’ll heal your childhood wounds and become a confident, Healthy Adult, capable of building lasting bonds. Get in touch with us to schedule your session!

New Relationships: How To Make Them Work

Posted on November 24, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

Starting a new relationship is thrilling and invigorating, making you hopeful for the future and its exciting to get to know this person who has captured your heart. New couples are usually smitten with each other, feeling a rush of adrenaline before every date. How do you keep the spark alive once the novelty wears off?

The reality will inevitably set in and once it does, you’ll want to be ready for the pressures that may be weighing down on your relationship. To make sure that it survives the honeymoon stage, you may consider coaching sessions for yourself to assure you are staying in reality not fantasy before any relationship challenges begin to leave you desperate to find solutions. Also, you can explore the stages new relationships go through and discover how to keep yours strong.

What Are The Stages Of A New Relationship?

Although everyone is different, relationships typically go through these stages as they grow and develop over a lifetime:

Honeymoon. This is the initial spark that prompts two people to find out more about each other and get together. During this phase, you feel butterflies in your stomach and a surge of excitement every time you’re meeting your partner. The chances are you’re also looking at each other through rose colored glasses. You enjoy this time and appreciate the infusion of joy and connection.
Come Together. This is the time when you begin realizing who this new partner is. How well met and how well matched are you? Do you have wants and needs that can be met in this relationship? Does your partner? Do your lifestyles and values align from a whole perspective? You may find out you’re not right for each other and go your separate ways before fully committing or decide to take the relationship to the next level.
Settling In. This is the point where you accept and fully commit to one another. This can look like marriage, a formal commitment, an alignment of two lives coming together. You see a future together, share common goals in life, and are willing to work in unison to achieve them. This phase includes things like; living together, buying a home together, having kids, merging families together, sharing expenses, etc. You are able to continue to grow together and share your journey. This isn’t to say you won’t encounter any difficulties, rather it’s about being able to face them as a strong unit.
Celebration. These are indeed the golden days. You have weather life’s storms and experienced a deep level of intimacy over years of being together. It is when your relationship is well seasoned and well lived! At this point, the relationship is a source of contentment, reality, and deep intimacy.

How To Behave In The Beginning Of A Relationship?

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re at the very start of a relationship:

Show your feelings when appropriate. If you’re backing away for fear of judgment, you cannot expect to be seen and discover if this is a good partnership.
Don’t try to make a great impression. The trick is to stay true to yourself no matter how much you want this relationship to work out.
Immerse yourself in their world and include them in your own: Meet each other’s friends and try doing your favorite activities together.
Be in tune with their cues: Pay close attention to how they behave and react to get to know them better.
Keep checking in with yourself: Analyze how the relationship makes you feel and whether you’re being your best self when you’re around the other person.
Trust your gut feeling: When your intuition is telling you something, stop and listen.
Enjoy the ride: Savor these first few months of the relationship because they’re thrilling and unforgettable.

How Do I Keep A New Relationship Going?

As your relationship moves forward and enters the coming together stage, there are certain things you can do to keep it up:

Accept that the reality of relationships is far removed from the rosy image we are fed, or dream of, at a young age. There will inevitably be ups and downs and how you deal with them is what makes or breaks a relationship.
Think of you and your partner as a unit. Include them when it comes to your future wants and needs. They will appreciate it and you’ll avoid unpleasant surprises down the road.
Don’t take your partner for granted. As the relationship progresses and you start to settle into it more and more, it’s easy to lose sight of all the things you appreciate in your partner. Don’t let life get in the way of showing your appreciation and affection.
Do things together. While this can be pretty tricky, especially when the pressures of life seep in, you need to find time for just the two of you. This will bring back a touch of the honeymoon phase.

How Long To Give A New Relationship To Work?

This is different for every couple, so it’s impossible to say exactly. Generally, the first stage of the relationship may last several months. During this time, you are likely only focusing on the positives.

The first signs of disillusionment mean that the honeymoon phase is coming to a close and reality is setting in. This is when you’ll have to take a close look at the relationship to decide whether it’s worth it to come together and continue to invest your time and effort.

Search inside yourself to determine whether you could commit to this person and share your hopes and dreams with them long-term. If you feel dissatisfied, underwhelmed, and simply don’t see a future with your current partner, it is probably time to rethink the relationship.

Where Can I Learn Relationship Intimacy Coaching Exercises?

Here at PIVOT, you can understand yourself on a deeper level and carry over this understanding into your relationship. By working with our relationship advocates and going over our curriculum, you’ll learn how to pinpoint unhelpful patterns and move in the direction of healthier relationships.

We can help you work through your feelings of shame, teach you how to prevent losing yourself when you’re with someone, and let you know how to overcome relationship complacency. If you’re struggling with unrequited feelings or find yourself in a non-reciprocal relationship, you can find out how to overcome your circumstances and pivot toward a happier existence. You can sign up for our customized individual coaching sessions to discover what you need and want from relationships and get a step closer to getting it. Or, join our 5-day relational retreats where your healthiest self can take shape. Reach out to us today!

Why You Cry & When To Seek Help

Posted on December 14, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Crying is an entirely natural aspect of life. Everybody cries, whether it’s at the sight of cute animals, after watching a sad movie, or because of a traumatic or painful experience. Yet, sometimes people cry for no apparent reason, which may result in significant confusion and cause them to wonder if they should reach out to a professional.

If you have a tendency to cry frequently and wonder why that may be the case, you’re most definitely not alone. In this article, we’ll touch upon some common reasons for crying and help you determine when seeking help from a relationship coach or a similar professional may be the best path to take.

Why Do I Cry So Easily?

Some individuals cry when they’re stressed, others cry when reading a heart-breaking book. But for some people, tears may start to flow at the mere hint of an aroused emotion. If you feel like your crying is getting out of hand, you may want to consider the following potential reasons:

Depression

Depression is a common mood disorder which tends to entail feelings of sadness and hopelessness often lasting for weeks or even months. Some typical symptoms of depression include persistent gloominess and feelings of worthlessness, low energy levels, and concentration difficulties. Your tears be may linked to depression if:

You cry often and easily and usually can’t tell why
You usually don’t cry as much as you do now
You have difficulty stopping the tears

You may be more prone to cry if the symptoms of depression are on the milder side. Severe depression, on the other hand, often causes difficulties with expressing emotions and crying.

Anxiety And Stress

While most people have periods of stress and worry, anxiety disorders tend to cause excessive nervousness and worry on a regular, or even daily basis. If you experience persistent irritability and edigness, muscle tension, concentration difficulties, sleep problems, or fatigue, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder which might be the cause of your crying.

Personality And Gender

Research shows that gender and personality may have an impact on our tendency to cry. For instance, women seem to cry more frequently than men do. Two possible reasons for this include cultural norms and the fact that testosterone has the potential to inhibit crying.

In addition to gender differences, empathetic and compassionate individuals may cry more often than people who are not as empathetic. Individuals with anxious, obsessive, or insecure tendencies also seem to cry more easily and often.

Pseudobulbar Affect (PBA)

A condition known as pseudobulbar affect, or PBA for short, tends to cause uncontrollable emotions that often manifest in laughing, anger outbursts, and crying. These uncontrollable emotions that usually don’t match the feelings and experiences of the individual are also referred to as emotional incontinence.

PBA is thought to be related to disturbances or injury to parts of the brain which control emotions. Since PBA has similar symptoms to depression, the two are often confused and misdiagnosed.

Why Do I Cry When I’m Angry?

Have you ever felt tears welling up in your eyes when you’ve heard something that angers you? You just can’t believe how unfair and hurtful the statement is, but when you try to speak, your throat begins to constrict, you feel your face flushing, and the tears start to flow. Why does this happen when you’re not actually sad but furious?

Angry crying is a normal phenomenon, and it actually has a quite clear explanation. When you feel hurt, betrayed, rejected, or humiliated, you’re likely to feel both angry and sad, often at the same time. In fact, scientists believe that angry crying may have an evolutionary purpose: it serves as a distress signal that provokes helpful behaviors in other people.

Is Crying A Sign Of Weakness?

Unfortunately, crying is often associated with insecurity and weakness. We are often told to “buck up” and avoid expressing feelings of sadness openly, especially in social or professional circumstances.

The common conception that crying is a sign of weakness is related to what anthropologists tend to refer to as “display rules”: crying violates our cultural norms for socialization and self-expression. This is why you may be more likely to understand why a person is crying while going through a hard breakup, but get confused and uncomfortable if a coworker or a classmate bursts into tears during a meeting or a lecture.

While it is understandable why crying in public is taboo, it is unfortunate that expression of sadness is usually seen as a negative, shameful thing. In fact, sadness and crying are an important aspect of life, and embracing them may actually help you to become mentally stronger. Crying is not a symptom of weakness – it shows that you are a human with feelings, however inappropriate or embarrassing they may seem.

Is It OK To Cry In A Relationship?

We are often taught to believe that crying in front of our partners is a thing to be avoided. Yet, humans are emotional beings with complicated feelings that sometimes need to be expressed to the people in our lives. Here’s why crying in front of your partner can be beneficial:

It may show that you truly care about the relationship
Showing your emotions can help strengthen your relationships
Vulnerability can be a sign of trust and healthy intimacy

While crying in front of your partner can bring you closer together, frequent heated arguments and crying may be a sign that some of your emotional needs are not met in the relationship. For instance, you may feel bored in your relationship or have trust issues that you may want to work on. Make sure to nurture healthy communication with your partner and consider ways in which you may improve the relationship.

Is Crying Good For Your Mental Health?

Research has shown that crying may benefit both your mind and your body. Here are some ways in which crying can be beneficial for physical and mental health:

It has detoxifying properties
Tears come in three main forms: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Reflex and continuous tears help keep your eyes safe from infection by lubricating them and clearing out debris. Emotional tears, on the other hand, may help flush out stress hormones and similar toxins from your body.
It dulls your pain
Crying for extended periods of time releases endorphins, feel-good hormones that help relieve emotional and physical pain. Endorphins produced by crying have a calming effect that can improve overall wellbeing.
It helps you self-soothe
Thanks to its calming effects, crying is a highly effective self-soothing mechanism. According to research, tears can activate your parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which slows your heart rate and helps you rest.
It may improve your mood
Crying, and especially sobbing, can also help improve your mood. This is because sobbing entails breathing in cool air, which can regulate and lower your brain’s temperature, helping you relax and lifting your spirits.
It helps restore emotional balance
Crying is not only a response to sadness; you may also cry when you feel happy, elated, stressed, or scared. Scientists believe that crying can help your body recover from and control strong emotions, restoring your emotional equilibrium.
It signals distress to others
The evolutionary purpose of crying has a lot to do with attachment and distress signaling, which are a crucial part of creating social bonds. Thus, crying can help you get the support you need from other people.
It may help you grieve
Grieving often entails feelings of anger, sorrow, numbness, and guilt. While people differ in their ways of dealing with grief, crying has a universal potential to help you process the complex feelings caused by losing a loved one.

While the benefits of crying are undeniable, it is important to be aware of your emotional state and try to tell when your crying has become extreme. If you cry so frequently that it’s starting to affect your daily life, reaching out to a professional may be the best course of action.

Seek Support From An Insightful Remote Relationship Coach

When you feel vulnerable and alone, there’s no shame in seeking support. If you cry often or struggle with staying anchored in the moment, speaking with a professional may be just what you need to restore emotional equilibrium.

At PIVOT, we love helping struggling individuals by offering expert relationship coaching designed to improve emotional wellbeing. In addition, we also offer a variety of high-quality relationship retreats and workshops that can help you find balance and happiness. Speak with a PIVOT Advocate today.

Here’s Why You Dislike Being Ignored

Posted on August 3, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Have you ever felt intense and overwhelming anger after being ignored by someone in your life? It would be a surprise if your answer was no. In fact, being hurt or angered when someone ignores you is an entirely natural reaction.

While most people have been ignored at some point in their life, that doesn’t diminish the fact that being given the silent treatment can be an extremely painful experience. In fact, it can even be considered a form of emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse.

If you are having a hard time maintaining your emotional health when being ignored, consider contacting a remote relationship coach. In the meantime, keep on reading to learn why being ignored hurts and what you can do about it.

Why Does Being Ignored Hurt?

When someone ignores you, you may start feeling unworthy, unimportant, or unlovable, especially if you are ignored by someone you care about. Whether it’s your partner, parent, or boss, it is entirely natural to feel hurt when you don’t get the response you expect from them.

Although you are bound to feel hurt after being rejected or ignored, keep in mind that it’s not necessarily your fault. You shouldn’t strive to change yourself to get their attention or affection, but simply remember that people have their own emotional struggles which may cause them to act in certain ways towards you.

For instance, they may have been a victim of emotional neglect in their childhood or they might simply be overwhelmed by other matters in their life. But regardless of the reason why, your sense of worth should never depend on other people’s attention and opinions of you.

What Does Being Ignored Do To The Brain?

In addition to the negative emotions you might experience after being ignored, it has been shown that the silent treatment can actually have physical effects on your brain.

According to research, feeling ignored and excluded can cause real changes in your brain, particularly in the anterior cingulate cortex, a zone in the brain responsible for detecting pain. When this zone is activated, you may experience several different physical symptoms. These may include:

Headaches
Digestive problems
Insomnia and fatigue
Increased blood pressure
Diabetes
Affected autoimmune system

These physical effects are caused by the high stress levels that you may experience after being ignored. They may be exacerbated if you are subjected to the silent treatment for prolonged periods of time or the person who is ignoring you is a particularly important figure in your life, such as your parent, partner, or boss.

What Does It Mean When Your Partner Ignores You?

If your partner is not responding to your texts or calls, you probably feel hurt, confused, or angry. While this is completely natural, there may actually be a reasonable explanation for this behavior. Here are some possible reasons:

They don’t like communicating via phone

This simple explanation is actually more common than you may think. Many individuals don’t like or don’t know how to express themselves over the phone, and your partner may feel the same way.

They are overwhelmed with other matters in their life

Although you probably want to be the focus of your significant other’s life, it may be the case that they have other problems in their life that have to be dealt with before speaking with you.

They need some time alone

Although you probably feel extremely hurt because your partner is ignoring you, you should consider the fact that you might be smothering them. Give them some space and see what happens.

They feel like you want something from them

If you tend to be demanding towards your partner, they may feel like you only contact them when you need something that they are not able to give.

They may be considering a breakup

There’s no point denying that it is a possibility that your partner may not want to be in a relationship with you any longer. Try talking to them openly and see if there are any issues that you two should work on.

Is Ignoring Someone Manipulative?

While there are many logical reasons why someone might ignore you, some individuals may use the silent treatment as a manipulation tactic. They may know exactly what makes you tick, and being ignored tends to achieve that precise effect on most people.

The person who is ignoring you probably knows exactly what they are doing to your emotional state, and they might use this to their advantage, causing you to think about them more and be more vulnerable to the rest of their manipulation tactics. The silent treatment is often used as part of narcissistic abuse, hand in hand with gaslighting, deflection, stonewalling, and other abusive behaviors.

How Do You Respond To Being Ignored?

If you are being ignored by someone close to you, you are probably looking for a way to deal with all the negative emotions that the silent treatment brings about. Here are some tips:

Take a step back
Your partner may simply need some space to collect their thoughts and deal with their own emotions. Give them time and work on yourself in the meantime.
Distract yourself
Find things to do in order to keep yourself from obsessing over the person who is ignoring you.
Check if they are actually ignoring you
The whole deal may simply be a misunderstanding or the person may be dealing with other personal issues.
Try not to overreact
Yes, being ignored hurts, but remember that the individual ignoring you may be trying to achieve exactly that. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Communicate
Your partner may have some concerns about the relationship that they are afraid to bring up. Try speaking with them without anger or bitterness.

Looking For A Relationship Coach Online? Contact PIVOT Today

Remember that it is entirely natural to feel hurt and confused about your relationships with other people. You never know exactly why people are treating you the way they do, and it’s not your responsibility to waste energy trying to figure it out. Instead, focus on your own wellbeing and health.

PIVOT can help you with that. Whether you want to speak with a relationship coaching professional online or attend an intensive relational freedom workshop, don’t hesitate to give us a call. We are looking forward to listening to what you have to say. Contact us today!

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse: How To Heal & Find Happiness

Posted on July 21, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

What many people don’t realize about narcissists is over the course of their life, they have built an idealized self, a pretty picture that hides all of their weaknesses and shame from the world. Because they know deep inside how flawed they are, just like everyone else, they use defense mechanisms that may cause great harm to the people closest to them.

If you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse or any form of emotional manipulation, you may benefit from understanding the main driving forces behind narcissistic behaviors. Many codependent relationship intensive workshops are designed to illuminate different facets of narcissistic abuse and help codependents regain control of their life.

Keep on reading to find out more about narcissistic abuse and its effects.

What Does Narcissistic Abuse Do To You?

Narcissists use a wide array of abusive tactics to manipulate and hurt their victims. You might have found yourself at the receiving end of gaslighting, idealization and devaluation, sabotaging, stonewalling, deflection, and many other forms of control and coercion.

All of these forms of narcissistic abuse can have a devastating effect on your emotional and psychological health, especially if they are exercised over a long period of time. Naturally, the exact effects will vary from one person to another, but they may share some overarching patterns you might be able to recognize within yourself.

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse

Here’s how narcissistic abuse can damage your emotional wellbeing:

Decreased self-esteem: one of the most common effects of narcissistic abuse is a greatly impaired confidence. Even if you used to be assertive, self-assured, and aware of your worth, you may now feel unlovable, unworthy, and weak.
Impaired communication skills: a relationship with a narcissistic can have an effect on your communication style too. You may find it hard to express yourself openly and share your thoughts and feelings. This may influence your friendships, career, and family life.
Constant feelings of worthlessness and blame: do you constantly internalize everyone else’s problems and feel blame even though you had nothing to do with them? This may also be a consequence of narcissistic abuse.
Insecure attachment: narcissistic abuse may influence your future relationships, impairing and destabilizing your ability to form healthy attachments in your life. You may no longer feel safe opening up, or you may develop a fear of abandonment.
Narcissistic tendencies: unfortunately, narcissistic abuse can breed more narcissistic traits, especially if it is inflicted by a parent or caregiver. You may begin to exhibit narcissistic tendencies too, although you may not be aware of it.
Superficial behavior: in order to protect yourself from a narcissist while being in a relationship with them, you need to be at least a little bit superficial. You have to fake happiness and satisfaction in order to avoid abuse instead of being open and honest.

What Happens When You Stand Up To A Narcissist?

Although you may feel like standing up to a narcissist and blaming them for all the heinous things they’ve done would be a good idea, you will most likely subject yourself to even more hurt if you choose to do so. Here’s how a narcissist may react if you confront them:

They may cater to your ego, charming you into forgiving them
They may use various intimidation tactics to silence you
They may make fun of you and attack your weakest spots
They may pretend to be ignorant and make you question your sanity
They may badly about you to other people, isolating you from friends and family

How Do You Feel After Leaving A Narcissist?

Breaking up with a narcissist is a big step. It may feel a lot like overcoming an addiction – at first, it may be extremely painful, frustrating, and chaotic, but it will give you your life back in the end. Once you part ways with your abuser, you should keep reminding yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you deserve to have happy relationships.

Once the initial stages are over with, you will feel free and at peace with yourself. You will learn to trust your intuition, set healthy boundaries, and be more confident when dealing with other people. You will no longer have to walk on eggshells and navigate the volatile emotional world of the narcissist. Ultimately, you will feel like your healthy, strong, and lovable self once again.

How Do You Recover From Narcissistic Abuse?

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a lengthy and challenging process, but no matter how big the obstacles may be, the journey will surely be worth it. Here are some useful tips if you’re struggling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse:

Don’t deny the abuse: there’s no point pretending that you weren’t hurt by the narcissist’s behaviors. Try to understand how you were affected by the abuse and face the grief head on.
Set clear boundaries: if your abuser is still trying to contact you, you will need to show serious strength. It is very likely that you will feel tempted to stay in touch, but most experts agree that it’s best to cut off all communication if you are to heal.
Teach yourself compassion: be gentle on yourself, however hard it may be. The abuse you suffered is far from your fault. Try to remember that your abuser hurt you because they have their own issues that they need to work on and focus on your own wellbeing.
Have a support network: while spending some time alone can be very beneficial to your mental health, prolonged isolation is rarely a good idea. Instead, talk with your friends and family about your struggles and practice vulnerability.
Speak to professionals: your family and friends may be able to offer some support, but they may not have the knowledge necessary to give you the help you need. A skilled relationship coach will provide you with resources you need to facilitate change and recover.

Regain Your Sense Of Worth At A PIVOT Codependency Retreat

Are you looking for support on your path to happiness and wellbeing? You don’t have to go it alone. With PIVOT, you can find the strength and rebuild yourself and recover from emotional neglect and abuse. Our relational freedom coaching sessions and intensive retreats for codependents will give you a new perspective and opportunity to create a happier and healthier you. Contact us today!

Am I Too Needy? How To Gain Independence In A Relationship

Posted on May 27, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Being infatuated with your partner at the start of a relationship is perfectly natural. What’s more, you may still be equally crazy about your partner years after you first started dating. And that’s great, too. However, being too dependent on your partner for your own happiness and clinging to them every hour of every day may indicate that your relationship may not be as healthy as you would like it to be.

If you need help changing your ways and working things through with your partner, consider attending a couple workshop for deepening your relationship. Professional insights may help you gain a better understanding of your attachment styles and allow you to overcome your emotional neediness.

If you suspect that you may be too needy with your partner, you should first understand why that may be. Read on.

How Do You Know If You’re Being Too Needy?

Unfortunately, not all people were raised in a warm and loving environment which encouraged forming secure attachments. We all need emotional support, especially when times get tough, but individuals who have an anxious attachment style may struggle more than others in this regard and are often seen as overly needy. If you suspect that you may be too emotionally dependent on your partner, look out for the following signs:

You ignore your own needs and focus on making your partner happy as a way of filling the emotional gap inside you.
You fear that your partner may not love you as much as you love them and constantly seek reassurance.
You need your partner to make you feel safe, secure and appreciated. When you’re alone, you feel worthless.
You are overly sensitive to criticism and have low self-esteem.
You are extremely jealous and afraid of losing your partner to someone else.
You stalk your partner on social media looking for indications of infidelity.
You fear that your relationship will fall apart at any moment.

These behaviors can make your partner feel smothered and emotionally exhausted. While you may not be able to easily control your needy impulses, understanding why you are the way you are may help you keep things in check.

What Makes A Person Emotionally Needy?

Children need emotional support and love to grow into healthy and happy individuals. If your parent or caregiver was inconsistent with nurturing and affection while you were a child, you may have developed a tendency to seek the support you haven’t received back then in your relationships. A lack of emotional support in childhood may lead to fear, anxiety, and neediness later in life.

Extreme stress, health concerns, and other unfortunate circumstances may also increase your neediness toward your partner. If that’s the case, you should practice patience with your partner and consider seeking help from a professional relationship coach.

What Does It Mean To Be Independent In A Relationship?

Having a loving and supportive partner is a wonderful thing. If you are in a happy relationship, it’s only natural that you would want to spend each moment with your partner, being both physically and emotionally intimate. However, your partner should not be your sole source of happiness, love, and entertainment. After all, you are your own person, and your partner is an independent individual as well.

Having your own interests and hobbies apart from your partner doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them. The same goes for your partner. No matter how much they love you, they may still want to spend time with their friends or family, work on their own goals, or simply have some time to themselves. That doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate and love you.

How Do You Become Independent In A Relationship?

If you feel like you are overly dependent on your partner and are willing to work gaining independence, know that change is possible. The following tips may help you on your path:

Learn to recognize and accept your feelings.
If you feel a certain way, you shouldn’t try and ignore or suppress your emotions. Instead, take time to understand yourself and write down your feelings to see if that helps.
Have your own hobbies and interests.
Find an activity that interests you and gives you an opportunity to spend time away from your partner, whether it’s going to the gym, taking up a drawing class, or starting your own business.
Work on loving yourself.
We can’t stress this enough. You first need to learn how to love and appreciate yourself for who you are before you can love someone else. You are worthy, lovable, and interesting – make sure you understand that.
Spend time with other people.
Instead of being with your partner all the time, reach out to your friends, and work on deepening your relationship with them. Have new experiences, meet new people, and have fun. Your partner won’t mind if they truly care about you.
Focus on tending to your own needs.
Emotionally needy people often go out of their way to fulfill their partner’s needs while completely ignoring their own. If that sounds like you, make sure to recognize and work on your own wishes and desires.
Find support outside of your relationship.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or a professional coach, sharing your feelings and thoughts with another person apart from your partner can be of immense benefit to gaining independence and finding happiness.

Where Can I Find Intensive Codependency Workshops Near Me?

Building strong and healthy relationships is necessary for good mental health and overall wellbeing. Whether you feel like you are pushing the people in your life away or need help starting a new relationship online, seeking help from a professional relationship coach can be highly beneficial.

PIVOT is your trusted partner whenever you need advice and guidance in your emotional life. Our individual coaching can help you find happiness, while our intensive workshops may be the key to overcoming codependency in your relationship. No matter what your relationship struggles may be, we are here to help. Give us a call!

Can You Take A Break From Your Relationship?

Posted on April 6, 2020October 27, 2024 by Lori Jean Glass

Taking a break may be an effective way to deal with trust issues, constant arguing, boredom, intimacy problems, or any other challenges in a relationship. It can give you some time to work on yourself or consider certain issues in your relationship with some distance.

However, the question of whether taking a break can truly benefit you and your partner greatly depends on your specific situation. In some cases, a break can be one of the ways to keep your relationship strong and healthy. In others, it’s the beginning of the end.

So, whether you want to take a break to see if you can move past infidelity or determine whether you see a future with your partner, you and your partner need to set certain rules for your break. If you truly want your relationship to work, discussing the nature of your relationship break is essential for setting the basis for becoming a stronger, healthier couple.

Do Breaks In Relationships Work?

If one of the partners wants a break, the other is often left wondering if this is the end for their relationship. Unfortunately, for a great number of couples, it often is because they either don’t discuss the reasons behind this honestly or fail to handle the circumstances of their break in a constructive way. Of course, some couples grow apart or simply realize that they are not meant for each other.

So, what should you do if you need a break, but truly want to make it work because you believe it will benefit you and your partner?

5 Tips For Handing A Relationship Break

Here are a few suggestions that can help you out.

First, consider the reason for a break. If you’re the one who wants a break, ask yourself why you need this. Consider how this can benefit you in your relationship and whether it’s an opportunity for self-growth rather than a way to break up without breaking up. If you truly feel that a break can be good for you, you should discuss it with your partner.
Bring it up properly. Don’t just spring this on your partner in the middle of a fight and then leave. Pick a time to discuss this and explain your reasons. Also, make sure to listen to what your partner has to say about this. Open communication is crucial for a healthy relationship, especially in a situation like this one.
Set up certain boundaries. Taking a break doesn’t mean simply leaving and calling your partner when you feel like it. Instead, you need to have some rules regarding your communication, the purpose of the break, dating other people, etc. Without this important step, a break can really harm your relationship.
Stay in touch. If you agree to talk to each other, make sure you do. Of course, you should still acknowledge that you’re on a break, so don’t keep calling your partner as if nothing happened. Set the boundaries you both agree to in regards to communication during the break.
Consider possible alternatives. For some couples, a break may not be the best solution. In fact, sometimes this step only contributes to deepening the gap in your relationship. So, consider an alternative solution such as signing up for an intensive couple relationship management workshop that will enable you to really work on your problems.

Is A Break Healthy In A Relationship?

So, if you take these steps, does it mean that a break can truly benefit your relationship? In some situations, taking a break can be a great idea. A break can be a healthy way to deal with the following issues:

Commitment: If you need some time to think before making a long-term commitment, a break can give you an opportunity to truly evaluate your relationship and determine if you want to spend your life with your partner.
Infidelity: If your partner has cheated on you, take some time to decide whether you can forgive them and if you want to save your relationship. For most people, this is a major problem, so if you’re one of them, a break can help you make a decision. And, it can help you work through some of the feelings on your own.
Constant arguing. In certain situations, a break can help couples who are constantly fighting, enabling them to calm down and then come back together to really want to understand each other. However, it’s generally not advisable to take a break after one big fight. Instead, try to work through the issues.

When You Shouldn’t Take A Break

However, there are situations in which taking a break from your relationship is definitely not a good idea. These include:

Other people

If a break is just an excuse to see other people, it certainly won’t benefit your relationship. In fact, it will just cause you to resent each other and result in many other problems in your relationship.

Manipulation

If one of the partners wants to take a break simply to win an argument or scare their partner into doing what they want, they may be doing this solely to manipulate them. Of course, you may not want to do this on purpose, but in these situations, partners often break up.

Alternative solutions

If you think your problems can be resolved in some other way, don’t take a break. Oftentimes, communication and coaching can benefit partners far more than distance. For instance, you and your partner can look into private couple retreats for reconnection and try to resolve your problems together.

Can Time Apart Strengthen A Relationship?

Spending some time apart can help you build a strong, healthy relationship provided that you take a break for a good reason and take steps to make sure it works. Here’s how a break can deepen and strengthen your relationship:

It can enable you to work on yourself. This is one of the most important reasons for taking a break, especially if you feel that you’ve been focusing on your partner and relationship while neglecting yourself. You can work on your goals and needs or resolve personal issues that might be sabotaging your relationship.
It can help you determine your priorities. Use the time to consider what truly matters in your life. If you’re not certain about your relationship, you can consider whether something else might be more important in your life at the moment.
It can help you realize you truly love your partner. Whether you’ve been wondering whether you’re with the right person or aren’t certain you really love your partner or are simply infatuated, a break can help you put things into perspective.
It can help you freshen up your relationship. If you’re in a long-term relationship and feel like you’ve been stuck in a rut, you can take a break to bring in some novelty. You and your partner can try out some new things and think of ways how to bring excitement back into your life.
It gives you time to reconnect with others. If you’ve neglected your friends and family because you’ve been focusing solely on your partner, you may end up resenting them for it. Taking a break can enable you to spend some time working on other relationships in your life.

Does A Break Mean You’re Single?

Many couples consider a break to be a free pass for seeing other people. However, this can only harm a relationship and even cause a couple to break up. A break isn’t the same as a break-up unless one of the partners really wants to break up.

In general, you and your partner should discuss whether you are allowed to see other people during your break. However, even if both of you agree to this, you should consider whether this can benefit your relationship.

In most cases, this may lead to resentment, jealousy, and trust issues, especially if one of you wanted a break just to be with someone they are interested in. You should avoid dating other people and focus on improving your relationship. If you feel that you want to date other people, this is generally a sign that you should break up.

How Long Should A Break In A Relationship Last?

It’s important that you and your partner set a deadline for a break. You shouldn’t let your break drag on for several months. Instead, determine when you will meet to discuss your relationship. For instance, you can spend a week or two apart and then see whether you need some more time apart. If you don’t do this, none of you will feel comfortable asking the other person if you can be together once again.

Join A Couple Relationship Management Workshop & Avoid The Pitfalls Of Relationship Breaks

Although a break can help your relationship in certain situations, the truth is that it more often leads to a break-up. If you believe that you’re with the right person and want to work through your problems, joining couples’ coaching can offer numerous benefits to you and your partner.

Therefore, consider turning to our PIVOT Advocates who will provide you with the support and assistance needed to face your relationship problems rather than run away from them. If you believe that you’re taking a break for all the wrong reasons, you and your partner can work actively on resolving your issues through intensive workshops at our personalized couples intensives.

Additionally, we also enable you to join the individual coaching based on the PIVOT process that will help you address your personal issues or behaviors that have been sabotaging your relationship. Change is possible with us, so let’s make it together!