June 19, 2020

How Do You Start Off A Relationship?

While there are some relationships that start off quite effortlessly and passionately, most people have their doubts and uncertainties when they meet someone new that sparks their interest. Will this work out? Do they truly like me? Am I making a mistake? These are just some of the common questions that run through people’s minds when starting a relationship.

If you want to get rid of all the doubtful and insecure thoughts and start off your relationship without stress and worry, keep the following tips in mind:

Vulnerability is not a weakness
We understand that it can be difficult to be vulnerable sometimes, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. Still, if you want to start off your relationship with honesty and healthy boundaries, you will have to be clear on how to communicate your wants and needs and come to the relationship with curiosity.
Refrain from playing games
More often than not, dating games lead to nothing more than confusion, bitterness, and insecurities. Instead, try to be direct and honest in your communication, and your potential partner will hopefully reciprocate.
Take it slow
Even if your new relationship is extremely passionate and fiery right off the bat, you may want to exercise caution and patience, especially if you haven’t known your partner for too long. And what’s the rush, anyway? Savor each moment as it comes and see where things go.
Get to know yourself first
You’ve surely heard this one before, but there’s no denying that loving yourself first is a prerequisite for building a healthy relationship. Before you jump into a relationship, make sure you know yourself well, both emotionally and sexually.
Listen to your intuition
While your inner critic may sometimes send you the wrong signals, you should still pay attention to your gut instincts. If you just feel like something is off with your potential partner, it may very well be the case.
Don’t ignore warning signs
This one is especially true if you’ve met someone online. Get familiar with the common red flags of online dating and don’t meet up in person if you don’t feel completely certain about their intentions.

Is The Beginning Of A Relationship The Hardest?

For many people, the blossoming of a relationship is the most beautiful part. Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone, as many relationships start off quite turbulently. If your new relationship has had a rough start, you may be wondering if experiencing difficulties is normal in this stage and whether your relationship is likely to develop into something healthier.

We’ll say one thing – love is not easy. Essentially, there are no rules as to how relationships should develop, and you and your partner may experience challenges that are entirely different from those of other couples. Nevertheless, here’s what people tend to struggle with the most at the start of a relationship:

Not knowing where you stand in the relationship

Overanalyzing their partner’s words and actions

Struggling to set healthy boundaries

Fear of losing independence in the relationship

Conflicting values

Problems with physical intimacy

Is It Normal To Fight In The Beginning Of A Relationship?

If you and your new partner fight a lot, that doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. However, sometimes too much is simply too much, and you should know how to tell if the relationship is worth fighting for or not. Here are some types of fights that may indicate that the relationship is in trouble:

You argue about the nature of your relationship: if you and your partner don’t have the same idea about the relationship, you’re off to a rocky start.

There is a severe lack of trust: healthy relationships are based on trust and mutual respect. While lacking trust early in the relationship is often normal, there should at least be a willingness to work things through from both sides.

One or both of the partners are too needy: While it’s entirely natural that you’d want to spend every moment of your day with your partner during the initial stages of the relationship, excessive neediness is rarely a good sign.

How Long Before A Relationship Is Serious?

Every relationship moves at its own pace. In fact, there are no hard rules about timelines in relationships. Some couples hit it off instantly and know where they stand after just a couple of dates, while others experience varying levels of confusion and uncertainty in this regard.

There are several factors that may influence the timeline of your relationship and how quickly you decide to make it exclusive. Here are some positive signs that your relationship is serious:

You and your partner communicate honestly and consistently

You’ve known your partner for at least a couple of months

Both you and your partner are ready for an exclusive relationship

You can see a future with the person you’re dating

Learn How to Attach Securely In Our Relationship Building Skills Workshop

Are you experiencing difficulties with creating and building healthy and strong relationships? Seeking help from insightful relationship coaches may be the perfect solution. At PIVOT, we offer insightful relationship guidance to individuals and couples who struggle with relational issues. What’s more, we also offer a wide range of relationship workshops that help you overcome emotional wounds.

No matter what your relationship struggles may be, know that you can change things for the better. Reach out to PIVOT Advocates today and start your path to happiness and peace.

Being in a meaningful relationship means being intimate with another person. Sex and physical intimacy is one aspect of a relationship and an important one at that. It is a way to express affection and the intimacy you have on an emotional level. It deepens the connection between partners.

But lack of sex can have a devastating effect on a couple, especially when it goes on for a longer stretch of time. No wonder that it is the lack of sex that is one of the most challenging aspects of a long-distance relationship. Let’s put it like this: people always say that sex makes things complicated, but that’s nothing compared to what it can do when it’s missing from a relationship, especially when this change happens all of a sudden. And if there is a history of abandonment or neglect in one’s past, this re-wounding can be destabilizing.

Does Sex Change A Relationship?

Sex can certainly change a relationship (not always for the better, but that’s a whole different subject). And so can a lack of sex.

At the beginning of your relationship, it all felt new and exciting. There was a lot you didn’t know about each other but you were eager to find out. And of course, the sex was amazing, and you two crazy kids could barely keep your hands off each other.

But what was once as a sizzling romance can quickly turn into a routine after the honeymoon phase is over and the fiery passion is gone. In the meantime, you are getting to know this person – as a person.

It may sound counterintuitive, but your sex life and frequency of your adventures in the bedroom can start to dwindle as you grow closer to each other. It’s ironic when you think about it: you are becoming closer as a couple but the spark seems to have gone, at least in the bedroom.

As frustrating as that may sound, it is not necessarily a bad thing: it just means that restoring the vibrant sex life you had before the end of the honeymoon phase will take some work. This, too, can be a fun and refreshing experience that you can share with your partner. However, you will both need to agree on one thing: prioritize rebuilding your sex life.

What Do You Do When Your Partner Has Different Sex Drives?

If you are being overly into sex, so much so that your partner perceives it as a turn-off, you may notice your partner will start to exhibit certain behaviors:

Vagueness and avoidance
Coming up with excuses not to spend time with you and making plans without involving you
Being reserved and less affectionate
Constant irritability and excessive criticism of your words and actions

You, on the other hand, may feel deeply frustrated and unhappy. But try to understand that your partner may have issues with low libido or depression.

If this happens, you need to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. This is one white elephant that’s impossible to ignore if you intend for your relationship to last. Do not pester your partner. Try not to act accusatory or aggressive. The worst you can do is nag your partner over the situation, as this only builds more pressure on the partner and puts more strain on the relationship as a whole.

The Dangers Of Disparate Sex Drives Between Partners

Sexual activity is healthy and natural. Lack of it can be detrimental to our health. But we’re not all the same and we don’t have the same sex drives. This is perfectly normal, but it becomes a problem when it happens in a relationship.

As we’ve already established, lack of sex can cause serious relationship problems as well. When partners do not have the same needs and are unable to communicate this to each other clearly, problems may arise. For instance:

The dissatisfaction of sexual rejection outlasts the satisfaction of having your sexual advances accepted: this may lead to a communication breakdown. Being sexually rejected by your significant other hurts all the more because we seem to perceive sexual rejection as emotional rejection.
Rejection could have a devastating effect on your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It could ultimately lead to depression
Infidelity on behalf of one or both partners
Ending your relationship

The Risks Of Overcompensating For Lack Of Sex

Let’s imagine you are the one with more enthusiasm for sex. Out of despair, you may become overly affectionate, which your partner could find suffocating. They may attempt to escape any situation in which you exhibit this type of behavior, but they will probably be careful not to broach the subject directly for fear of hurting your feelings.

They will probably avoid the topic altogether instead of discussing it with you in a straightforward way. Before you know it, you may find yourself in a broken relationship that’s beyond repair, feeling bitter about all the time and effort you put into building it.

How Do You Overcome Physical Intimacy Issues?

Preferably, the first step is for both you and your partner to acknowledge that physical intimacy issues are there. Follow these guidelines to start working on these issues:

Have an uninterrupted face-to-face conversation with your partner and explain what bothers you as clearly as possible. You could say things like We never have sex anymore because you keep rejecting my advances or You no longer want to share the bed or hold my hand like you used to. Consider the possibility that your partner might have been blissfully unaware of the situation.
Be direct in expressing the emotional effect this situation has had on you. Do not be ashamed to speak about it openly. These crucial conversations are necessary.
Try to understand your partner’s point of view, and do not get annoyed if they become defensive.
State requests clearly and demand that you work on a solution together, discuss your options and steps clearly.
Unlike neediness, which is unattractive to say the least, independence is hot. You don’t have to play games with your partner, but playing hard to get every now and then could do wonders for your sex life.

Learn To Overcome Intimacy Problems In A Relationship

We will use our knowledge and experience to guide you and help you understand what’s going on in your relationship so you can learn to overcome the problems with intimacy you and your partner may have.

PIVOT is where you can start rebuilding a healthier relationship, and you can start today, whether on your own or together with your partner. We are here to guide you through individual coaching with focus on relationship problems or workshops for building healthy coping mechanisms and relationship skills. Remember, we’re in this together.

Day: June 19, 2020

The Joys And Pains Of Starting A Relationship