Here’s Why You’re Jealous in Relationships & How You Can Stop

Jealousy and love go hand in hand. At least that’s what we’ve been led to believe. Unfortunately, the causes of jealousy have little to do with love and more to do with insecure attachments we create in our childhoods. 

If you are struggling with jealous behaviors in your relationship, you should start with uncovering the core reason for your jealousy. One of the ways to go about building trust in a relationship is to attend an intensive workshop for couples. This is a great way to better understand your behavioral patterns, whether you’re experiencing problems with low self esteem or have a tendency to lie to yourself about the relationship

In this article, you will learn what typically causes jealousy and how you can overcome your insecurities that lead to being jealous. Read on. 

What Is The Root Cause Of Jealousy?

Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love Or Insecurity?

Jealousy is an emotional response to being afraid of losing someone or something we consider ours. It is typically accompanied by feelings of exclusion and abandonment. But why are some of us more prone to jealousy than others?  What causes jealousy in the first place? 

Just like with many other behavioral patterns, such as being dishonest in relationships or experiencing codependent and/or controlling behavior, jealousy stems from our early childhood and the attachment we create with our parents or primary caregivers. If your need for affection is not met during your childhood, you can develop a deep insecurity which gives rise to jealousy and influences all of your adult relationships. 

Jealousy is also closely intertwined with abandonment issues. A child whose emotional needs are not met is likely to develop obsessive and jealous behavioral traits, mimicking the dynamics they experienced in childhood in their adult relationships. 

Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love Or Insecurity?

Although many seem to think that jealousy is a sign of love, it is insecurity that is the key factor behind jealous behaviors. While a little bit of jealousy is perfectly normal in some relationships, it can cause a great deal of harm unless it’s kept under control. Here are some insecure traits that may cause jealousy in your relationship: 

  • Low self esteem 
  • Dependency 
  • Neuroticism 
  • Feelings of inadequacy 
  • Anxious attachment 

If you or your partner are exhibiting jealous behaviors, you should always keep in mind that jealousy is all about the person experiencing it. That is why understanding the core wounds and insecurities and expressing them openly is essential for creating meaningful and stable relationships. 

Is Jealousy A Symptom Of Anxiety?

Just like with many other areas in your life, anxiety can have a detrimental effect on your romantic relationships. In fact, anxiety, particularly its paranoid aspects, can be closely linked to jealousy.

If you are dealing with anxiety, it is very likely that you are prone to overthinking. You think and worry about the past, present, and future constantly. These negative thoughts can cause a wide range of issues in your relationships, including: 

  1. Worst-case scenarios

    Anxiety can lead you to imagine all of the worst ways your relationship can go. Even if you and your partner are getting along great, you may imagine that they are cheating or planning to break up with you.

  2. Fear of abandonment

    Similarly, your anxious thoughts can convince you that your partner will leave you because of your anxiety or because they found somebody else who is better than you.

  3. Feeling that you’re not good enough

    you may be jealous because you feel deep down that you’re not worthy or lovable. Low self esteem is one of the primary causes of jealousy and its results can often be exacerbated in anxious individuals.

How Do I Stop Being Jealous And Insecure?

Although jealousy may be deeply rooted, it can be overcome, if not entirely eradicated. Here’s how you can deal with jealous behaviors in your relationship: 


Suppressing angry or otherwise unpleasant feelings is rarely the way to go. Make sure to express your jealousy openly and calmly to your partner, enabling them to see why you feel the way you do. Being open about the less pleasant aspects of relationships such as jealousy is key to creating stable and harmonious connections. 


As we’ve already mentioned, anxiety and stress are closely linked to jealousy. This is why meditation, good diet, and physical exercise can help keep your stress levels low and prevent jealous outbursts. Make sure to give yourself time to wind down on a regular basis. 

Seek Reassurance 

Of course, constantly asking your partner if they love you is not the best way to overcome your jealousy. Nevertheless, you should be honest with your partner as well as try to understand their perspective. If they are willing to understand you, they may be able to reassure you to some extent and make you feel more secure. 

Focus On Yourself 

Picking up a hobby and spending time with friends can help you divert your attention from your partner and curb your jealousy in the process. Make sure to set enough time aside to do the things that interest you and don’t require the presence of your partner. 

Remind Yourself Of Your Worth 

Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person – far from it. In order to overcome your jealous traits, you need to understand why you are the way you are. You can do this by uncovering and analyzing your core emotional wound and realizing that you are much more than just your anxiety and jealousy. 

Reach Out to Experts 

If you can’t get your jealous behaviours under control, your relationship is bound to suffer. Luckily, you can rely on experienced relationship coaches to help you overcome jealousy and create healthier emotional attachments. 

PIVOT Couple Workshop: Your Best Choice For Deepening A Relationship

Is Jealousy A Symptom Of Anxiety?

Overcoming jealousy is necessary for creating harmonious relationships. At PIVOT, we strive to provide individuals and couples with knowledge and support that will enable them to understand their emotional attachments and curb jealous behaviors. 

Whether you choose to find support in our intensive couple workshops or try to deal with your jealousy through our knowledge-based individual coaching sessions, rest assured that our PIVOT Advocates will help you find peace and balance in your emotional life. Contact us today! 

Low Self Esteem & Relationships: How Do They Relate?

Having low self esteem is not only detrimental to your psychological well being, but also to your romantic relationships. In fact, confidence is a crucial part of building healthier relationships. If you struggle with deep insecurities, you are very likely to express them in front of your partner, one way or another. 

Of course, it is entirely natural to have a fluctuating self esteem, especially when life presents its challenges. However, if your confidence is consistently low, you risk damaging your relationships as well as stunting your personal growth. Luckily, there are several ways you can overcome your low self esteem, including attending a relationship coaching retreat for individuals and learning to be honest with yourself

Keep reading to learn how having a low-self esteem can affect your romantic relationships and what you can do to boost your self confidence. 

How Does Self Esteem Affect Your Relationships?

Knowing your own worth is crucial for creating strong attachments. A significant lack of confidence can lead to the following relationship issues: 

Can Low Self Esteem Ruin A Relationship?
  • Poor relationship choices: having a low self esteem can cause you to settle for less in terms of relationships. You may feel like you don’t deserve a partner who treats you well, and end up in relationships with individuals who are not right for you. 
  • Not being yourself: if you are constantly afraid of rejection and feelings of inadequacy, you may try to present yourself differently to your partner, acting in a way that goes against your principles or attitudes. 
  • Jealous and insecure behaviors: your low confidence can result in negative expectations in your relationships. For instance, you may feel like you don’t deserve your partner or that they may cheat on you or leave because you are not good enough.  
  • You need constant validation: you may constantly seek validation or reassurance from your partner, trying to prove yourself that you are worthy and lovable. Unfortunately, such attempts are often fruitless, and may even cause your partner to back away.  
  • You struggle with asserting yourself: if you believe you’re not good or worthy enough, you probably believe that your needs don’t matter. You may ignore your own wishes and desires in the relationship, which often results in resentment and bitterness. 

Can Low Self Esteem Ruin A Relationship?

Low self esteem can have an immense impact on the success of your relationship. If you feel like you are worthless or unlovable, it can be hard for everyone else to see your true worth and love you for who you are. And, then at times, people in relationship with you will feel like they are doing something wrong. 

For instance, you may be overly needy in your relationships, constantly smothering your partner trying to get their validation and attention. Unfortunately, such behaviors are more likely to distance your partner from the relationship and cause them to doubt their feelings for you. Similarly, if you ignore your own needs for too long, you might become passive aggressive or bitter towards your partner. 

What Are The 4 Signs Of Low Self Esteem?

Wondering if you or someone close to you is struggling with low confidence and self esteem? Here are some behaviors to look out for: 

Sensitivity To Criticism 

Individuals with low self esteem are particularly sensitive to perceived criticism. They often take everything to heart and start feeling inadequate or incompetent at the slightest sign of disaproval from others. This can be a problem in both romantic and professional relationships.

Putting Yourself Down & Idealizing Others 

If you struggle with confidence, you may have a hard time controlling your inner critic, but have a tendency to see other people in a highly idealized light. You might feel like everyone else is ahead of you, possessing more desirable traits and being far more successful than you, even if that is not necessarily true. 

Social Withdrawal

Due to your feelings of inadequacy, you may start to withdraw from your social circle in order to avoid hurt and shame. When you are alone, you don’t have to worry about other people’s opinion of you. You can feel competent only when you are free from their expectations. 

Inability To Take Risks 

Your fear of failure and lacking confidence can cause you to stay inside your bubble of safety, never peering out. You may take a slow approach to life, avoiding opportunities that may bring you immense benefit and joy, whether it’s in your emotional or professional life. 

How Do You Deal With Low Self Esteem In A Relationship?

If your self esteem has caused a great deal of pain and discomfort in your relationship, don’t worry. Your confidence is not set in stone. Here’s what you can do to boost your self esteem: 

Shut Down The Inner Critic 

Catch your negative thoughts and try to counter them with thoughts that are more realistic and rational. You need to learn to be less harsh on yourself and practice self-care. 

Find A Hobby 

Focus on yourself instead of seeking constant validation from your partner. Picking up a hobby that works on your strengths will help boost your confidence and improve the relationship with your partner. 

Get Professional Help 

If your low self esteem keeps causing harm to your relationships, it may be time to seek out support from relationship coaches. They will help you understand the sources of your low self esteem and help you on your path towards reaching your potential. 

Find Your Confidence At Our Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection

What Are The 4 Signs Of Low Self Esteem?

Are you tired of feeling like you’re not good enough? It may be time to take that first step towards learning to love yourself and improving your emotional relationships. At PIVOT, we offer highly insightful and transformative coaching sessions as well as a range of helpful retreats and workshops for couples that can help you break your bubble and leave the comfort zone. 

Our PIVOT Advocates can help you reach within and find your worth without relying on external factors. We’ll help you overcome your core emotional wounds and uncover the unhealthy patterns you’ve been harboring. Reach out to PIVOT today. 

Self-Deception: Are You Lying To Yourself?

Humans are highly skilled at deceiving themselves. In fact, self-deception is one of our strongest defense mechanisms. We like to believe things that feel good to us and match our idea of ourselves, while we choose to ignore the less pleasing aspects of ourselves and our relationships with others. 

While dishonesty can cause a great deal of pain in relationships, it can cause even more harm if we direct it inward. But is this always true? Isn’t a little bit of self-deception necessary to lead a comfortable life? In this article, we attempt to answer the question of why we lie to ourselves and present some ways in which you can break through self-deception. 

If you are struggling to avoid the pitfalls of self-deception, overcome low self-esteem, or stop idealizing your relationships, remember that you are not alone. A romantic relationship building skills workshop can give you the resources and knowledge you need to better understand yourself and your survival patterns. Read on to learn how to get out of the clutches of self-deception. 

What Does It Mean When You Lie To Yourself?

There are endless reasons why we may choose to deceive ourselves. In fact, people can lie to themselves about practically anything, from finding excuses to fallacies in their thinking to ignoring toxic traits in their partners. Here are 3 common reasons why you may resort to self-deception: 

You Want Your Thoughts And Actions To Be Valid 

Is It Healthy To Lie To Yourself?

Most people want their feelings, beliefs, and actions to align. We have an inner drive for cognitive consistency, seeking harmony of our behaviors and attitudes. If we do or feel something that goes against our core principles or the idea we have about ourselves, we tend to feel uncomfortable. When we feel this mental discomfort, we are actually experiencing cognitive dissonance, which occurs when we express conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors. 

You May Be Trying To Avoid Change 

Sometimes, being truthful to yourself means accepting the fact that you need to make a significant change in your life. You may be in a toxic relationship or stuck in a job that doesn’t let you grow, being in denial even though you know deep down that you aren’t satisfied. Just keep in mind that the fear of change can slow down self-improvement and stop you from having new experiences and ideas as well as meeting new people. 

You Don’t Want To Feel Pain  

Another reason why you may be in denial is because you don’t want to rock the boat. If uncovering and accepting the truth means that you or someone else would get hurt, it’s only natural that you’d try and cover it up. While maintaining the status quo can be a good thing, you can only grow if you confront your fears and take risks. Even if that means making other people uncomfortable.

Is It Healthy To Lie To Yourself?

Although lying to yourself is more common than you realize, it can have a detrimental effect on your mental and physical health. This is primarily because you may remain in a situation which is far from ideal, stunting your own psychological growth and improvement. 

You may also start to ignore your own needs and harbor resentment towards your partner or other individuals in your life, which can bubble up to the surface in bouts of passive aggressiveness. In short, denying your own desires and deceiving yourself can only hold you back and prevent you from reaching your full potential. 

How Do You Know If You’re Lying To Yourself About A Relationship?

Detecting self-deception in romantic relationships can be challenging. We want our relationships with others to be ideal and will go to great lengths to paint a perfect picture of our partner and ourselves, ignoring the less appealing aspects of the relationship. 

Signs You’re Lying To Yourself 

But how can you tell that you’re deceiving yourself in a relationship? Here are some tell-tale signs: 

  • Your mind is restless. If you keep thinking about your relationship over and over, trying to convince yourself that everything is fine, there’s a good chance that you’re being self-deceptive. 
  • You constantly have to defend your partner. Do you feel like you have to justify your partner to your family or friends? You keep trying to find excuses for the less satisfying aspects of your relationship, losing so much of your time and energy in the process. 
  • You won’t take advice from other people. While it’s true that you should follow your own path and make your own decisions, the people closest to you probably want what’s best for you, but you keep getting defensive if they criticize your relationship. 
  • You are overly stressed in the relationship. A relationship should be a source of joy and comfort, not stress and anxiety. If you feel on edge most of the time you spend with your partner, you may be deceiving yourself big time. 

How To Stop Lying to Yourself 

While there’s no doubt that beating your self-deceptive dependencies will be hard, it’s far from impossible. Here’s what you can do: 

Detect Your Emotions 

If you have an emotional reaction to something, it is very likely that it reminded you of something that is raw, painful, or unresolved in your life. If something hurts, you’ll be more likely to deceive yourself. 

Having this in mind, it is a good idea to stop yourself to think each time you have a strong emotional reaction. What are you feeling and why? Is this caused by unresolved issues you’re carrying from the past? If you notice your emotional triggers, you’ll find it easier to detect self-deception. 

Keep Track Of Your Thoughts

It’s perfectly normal to want to believe that your thoughts reflect reality realistically. This is true for most people – we believe that our thoughts are accurate even when that is far from being true. 

Unfortunately, we are often irrational in our thinking, especially in romantic relationships. Try to notice irrational thoughts in yourself and try to analyze them, looking for their cause without trying to justify yourself. 

Check Your Actions 

You may not want to admit it, but your behaviors reflect your identity at least to some extent. For instance, you may struggle with extreme jealousy and insecurity, checking your partner’s messages constantly, but claim that you’re not a jealous person. Try to look for inconsistencies in your behavior and ask yourself what drives it and what you are trying to ignore. 

Find Your Courage At Our Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop

How Do You Know If You're Lying To Yourself About A Relationship?

Whether you don’t want to admit that you’ve lost attraction to your partner or want to finally end an unhealthy relationship, you’ve come to the right place. At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals like yourself find the courage to accept the truth and start their journey toward self-improvement. 

We offer a wide range of expertise and knowledge-based couple workshops as well as transformative coaching sessions for individuals. Reach out to a PIVOT Advocate today! 

Losing Attraction: What Causes It & Can You Regain It?

Losing attraction in a relationship can be completely frightening, as most people consider it the first sign of the romance fading. Sometimes the loss of attraction seems like it is because of the differences in sex drives between you and your partner, and all you need to do is communicate your problems to your partner clearly, and they should go away.

However, there are often times when the loss of attraction is only the surface of a larger problem. Perhaps your partner has been emotionally distant recently which, in turn, has made your self esteem low, causing you to struggle with attraction. Maybe your partner’s been dishonest with you, which prevents you from being able to physically connect with your partner. Or you’re lacking the necessary emotional support that would make you enjoy intimacy.

Whatever the underlying issues that have resulted in the loss of attraction between you and your partner, they need to be addressed. The best way to tackle them is always to turn to relationship intimacy coaching that can surely help you resolve any intimacy problems you have in your relationship. But, before that, let’s take a look at why you’ve lost attraction, and how you can regain it.

Is It Normal To Lose Attraction To Your Partner?

Can You Love Someone And Not Be Sexually Attracted?

When a romantic relationship starts, there is usually a magnetic attraction to your partner. Everything feels new, every kiss is fresh and full of passion, every intimate encounter fiery, it seems as though the raw physical attraction will never disappear.

However, that kind of initial allure is, realistically, not sustainable in the long term. It is completely normal for the feelings for your partner to take on a form different than unhinged sensuality.

However, completely losing attraction to your partner is certainly not a desirable turn of events. You might have started taking the initial attraction for granted, thinking it would last forever. But relationships require work, even in the intimate department. 

That is why you should address loss of attraction to your partner. Sometimes, it’s something you can work on through considerate conversation, while other instances require emotional coaching. Depending on the cause of the lost attraction, the methods for resolving the problem differ.

What Causes Loss Of Attraction?

It can be very emotionally draining when you notice the spark’s beginning to fade. However, the first step in reigniting the old flame is to realize why you’ve lost attraction to your partner in the first place. Only once you become aware of the reason can you start working on the solution.

The best way to discover why the loss of attraction has happened is to consult an experienced emotional coach who can help you uncover what it is that made you start looking at your partner with different eyes. These are some of the most common reasons for losing attraction:

  • Harbored anger – Holding on to resentment and anger can quickly turn to loss of attraction towards your partner. You should always communicate negative emotions clearly and calmly.
  • Communication deterioration – Have you and your partner started talking more and more in practical terms, and less and less about meaningful or intimate topics? The lack of adequate communication can lead to loss of attraction.
  • Failure to share activities – As your relationship lasts, you tend to fall into a routine and stop sharing new adventures with your partner. This lack of fresh activities can lead to you starting to lose attraction to your significant other.
  • Letting go – Feeling comfortable in a relationship is great, but feeling overly comfortable to the point of starting to let go both physically and mentally is a quick way to a complete loss of intimacy between you and your partner.
  • Loss of physical attraction – Sometimes, you can simply stop being physically attracted to your partner, and lose plenty of chemistry in the process. However, even such problems can be worked out.
  • Boredom – Boredom can also cause loss of attraction. People tend to crave novelty, and once there isn’t any, and once the feeling of familiarity becomes all-encompassing, you can easily begin to lose attraction to your partner.
  • Merged identities – When you first fall in love with someone, it is because of their unique traits. You should nurture that uniqueness in a relationship too. Don’t let you and your partner merge into one person – cherish your uniqueness so you can value being together.

Can You Love Someone And Not Be Sexually Attracted?

You can definitely love someone if you’re not physically attracted to them. Love and attraction are two separate things, and while it’s great when they go together, it’s not a complete deal breaker if the physical attraction is missing. 

Sometimes, it can take time for you to develop that kind of attraction towards the person you’re in love with. Focus on your emotional and mental connection first, and attraction will come as you build a stronger foundation for your relationship and as you progress your feelings for each other.

On the other hand, it’s also common for two people who love each other to lose physical attraction over time. This is not the end of the world and is entirely something you can work out with your partner. You just need to admit it, talk about it, and start resolving it.

You can always try emotional intimacy coaching sessions that are held by professional relationship coaches. These sessions can help you and your partner communicate your feelings, convey potential resentment, resolve all those problems and move past them and into a freshly-blossoming relationship.

Can You Regain Attraction For Someone?

Yes, you definitely can reignite the passion in your relationship. You can take care of some intimacy issues between you and your partner, while other problems require the help of professional coaches.

However, you can always try to do one or several of the following things when attempting to rekindle the flame of intimacy in your relationship. 

  1. Face your fears

    First, try to take care of yourself and your own emotional problems that might be causing loss of attraction between you and your partner.

  2. Redefine attraction

    There are many different ways in which you can be attracted to your partner, and attraction’s more than skin deep. Emotional and intellectual attraction can also spark intimacy.

  3. Love yourself

    First, learn how to love and accept yourself in order to be able to love and accept your partner.

  4. Remember

    Don’t just focus on the now, go back in time a bit and try to remember what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.

  5. Connect

    If you’ve started to lose emotional and mental connection to your partner, you should work on reestablishing those connections.

  6. Seek some thrills

    Try to introduce some excitement to your relationship by going on adventures together.

  7. Learn the language of love

    All individuals have preferences in the way they like to be loved. Some enjoy acts of service, others physical contacts, while some like words of affirmation. Try to translate your feelings into your partner’s language.

  8. Be independent

    Don’t harbor resentment if your partner is not able to meet all your emotional needs. It’s unrealistic to expect so. Allow yourself to have friends and interests outside of your relationship.

  9. Try intimacy coaching

    Sometimes, all you do can fail. But there’s no reason to despair. You can always contact experienced intimacy coaches who can help you and your partner feel emotionally and physically connected again.

There are many ways you can try in order to regain attraction to someone. Many people think that once the attraction is gone, so is the love. But that’s rarely the case. Intimacy can also require work, and if you truly love someone you should do all you can to work it out.

Who Provides The Best Relationship Intimacy Coaching Sessions?

What Causes Loss Of Attraction?

Losing attraction to your partner is extremely difficult, and it can make you question your entire relationship. Even when the love is still there, you can easily start doubting everything. However, it doesn’t have to be that grim, and you have to know there are ways to resolve intimacy problems in a relationship.

The best way to deal with the loss of attraction is to try relationship intimacy coaching. At PIVOT, we organize specialized relationship retreats and workshops, and we also arrange individual sessions with a team of seasoned relationship advocates. Reach out to us today and let us help your relationship thrive again.