Day: December 28, 2020

Have you ever tried to consciously change your habits? If you have, you probably know first hand how difficult change can be. Yet, change, however difficult, is possible and sometimes necessary. In fact, our lives keep changing every day, and you may be creating positive and negative habits without even realizing it. 

Habits can be defined as consistent and regular patterns of behavior. Once you start practicing a certain habit, it will eventually become unconscious and automatic. This is why it is important to be mindful of your habits and work on building those that have a positive impact on your life and your relationships. 

For instance, you may have created poor habits in your romantic relationship over time and you’re only now becoming aware of them and their effects. In that case, you may try building new habits or visiting a coaching retreat for individuals to help you facilitate positive change. 

Still, the process may be riddled with challenges, and it may take you quite some time to effectively create habits that benefit both you and your partner. Keep on reading to discover useful habit building and breaking techniques. 

Why Are Habits So Powerful?

Your life may be shaped by your habits to a far greater extent than you may realize. Habits can be incredibly strong. In fact, as much as 40% of the actions you do every day are more influenced by your habits than your conscious decisions. Many habits are created to manage and tolerate feelings. But why is that so? 

The power of habits lies in their ability to create neurological cravings. Here’s how a habit loop is created: 

• Triggers/cues: this can be an emotional state, a person, a location, or a specific time of day. 
• Creating a routine: the habit can be anything, from smoking cigarettes and drinking to biting your nails or watching TV. 
• Reward: your brain will release pleasure chemicals when the routine is performed, further reinforcing the habit loop. 

The habit loop reinforces itself and becomes automatic over time. Once this happens, your brain will not fully participate in the decision-making process. Understanding your created routines and habits will make it easier for you to alter the loop and take control of your habits. 

How Many Habits Can You Build At Once?

Behavioral researchers agree that it is more effective to focus on a small number of habits at a time. In fact, it is often best to pick just one habit and focus all of your efforts on it, however small it may be. And if you wish to create more habits, try to work on no more than three habits at once. In general, your habit making process will be easier and more effective if you pick a small number of habits and work on them one at a time. 

What Is The Golden Rule Of Habit Change?

Whether you are looking for ways to change your habits for your personal benefit, or wish to become a better partner in your relationship by changing the habits that affect your relationships, the Golden Rule of Habit Change may help. This rule was created by Charles Duhigg in 2012 and has proven to be quite effective for shifting habits. 

The Golden Rule of Habit Change indicates that the best way to change a habit is to identify the cue and reward while changing only the routine. In order to shift the habit, you will have to instill a new routine that gives you the same reward. Over time, the new routine will become increasingly automatic until your brain becomes completely used to the new cycle. On average, it takes about 66 days to fully automate a habit. 

What Are Some Bad Habits In A Relationship? 

How To Change Bad Habits In A Relationship 

Changing unhealthy habits in your relationship is not much different than changing any other habit. But before you start working on creating better habits, you first need to communicate honestly with your partner and determine the behavioral patterns you can begin changing. Once you’re aware of your potentially harmful routines, you can start replacing them with more beneficial ones, and reinforcing the loop over time. 

Looking For Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection? PIVOT Is Here To Help

Are you struggling with controlling your emotions in relationships? Or do you fear entering a long-term relationship? No matter what your emotional struggles may be, the experienced and compassionate team at PIVOT would be happy to provide you with the insight and resources you need to heal and improve. 

Whether you’d like to try our individual coaching designed for achieving emotional balance or wish to improve your relationship at one of our intensive workshops, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. Contact a PIVOT coach today! 

Some people thrive on solid daily routines, while others cringe at the mere thought of following a predictable schedule. Whether you love or hate routines will mainly boil down to your personal preference and personality traits. However, maintaining some structure in your life, especially during stressful times, can have significant benefits to your mental and physical health. 

What’s more, your aversion to a love of routine may also affect your relationships. For instance, your partner may love to have a nicely structured daily schedule and be incredibly frustrated by your unwillingness to organize your own day. 

You may be able to work through your differences by attending a couples retreat or a relationship workshop. You can become aware of the psychological advantages of routine and learn how to bring healthy structure to your life and relationships. 

Is It Good To Have A Routine?

Most people are creatures of habit, even though they may not be aware of it. In fact, having a stable routine can be incredibly helpful, especially if you are trying to build healthy habits that will bring you long-term benefits. This is particularly useful during times of stress, when maintaining some form of structure may help you feel more in control of your emotions. 

The Psychological Benefits Of Routine

Maintaining a healthy routine in your day-to-day life can have an immensely beneficial effect on both your physical and mental health. Here are some of the most important psychological benefits of having a routine: 

• Better stress management: adding structure to your daily life can help reduce anxiety and stress, and in turn improve your overall mental health. 
• Improved sleep schedule: establishing a consistent time for going to bed and waking up can improve your quality of rest, as well as affect your emotional well-being, mental sharpness, and energy levels. 
• Improved health: If you incorporate physical exercise and a healthy diet in your routine, you can greatly improve your overall physical health. 
• Enhanced self-esteem: since a healthy routine can make you feel more in control, it may also make you feel better about yourself and your achievements in general. 

Does Having A Routine Help With Anxiety?

Having a predictable, repetitive routine can indeed help reduce stress and anxiety. This is because maintaining some structure in your life can give you a sense of control and focus your attention on the present instead of the future. Still, by controlling your daily life, you’ll create a foundation for great benefits in the long-range future. 

Why Is It So Hard To Keep A Routine?

While maintaining day-to-day structure may be harder for a person who prefers adventure and variety to a “boring” routine, the main reason why keeping a routine is so difficult lies primarily in the difficulty of breaking and creating habits. In fact, anyone can follow a routine with sufficient time, effort, and dedication. By motivating yourself to develop and reinforce healthy habits, you’ll find sticking to a routine much easier. 

How Do You Not Get Stuck In A Routine?

Many people have an aversion to routine because they fear getting stuck in a rut. This may apply to your individual development, as well as your romantic relationships. You wake up at the same time with the same person, you get dressed, travel to work via the same route, work, come home, and go to sleep, and do it all over again the next day, until every day starts looking the same. 

While having some structure in your day-to-day life is good for your wellbeing, that doesn’t mean that your life should be void of creativity and spontaneity. Here’s what you can do to shake things up: 

• Take a step back: it’s easy to get lost in the business of everyday life, running from one thing to the next. Make sure to take a step back and assess the bigger picture: what do you really want to do in your life? Make sure to check your priorities and direction every once in a while to make sure your routine doesn’t lose its benefits. 
• Don’t forget leisure time: Not every moment of your day has to be planned. Make sure to set some time aside in your day for relaxation and activities you like doing in your free time. 
• Keep challenging yourself: The point of a routine is to help bring control and structure into your daily life, not to stop you from growing. Instead of staying in your comfort zone, keep exploring, trying new things, and finding new challenges to overcome. 

How Do I Get Out Of A Routine In A Relationship?

Shake Things Up At Our Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop

Whether you need help finding the motivation to leave your comfort zone or wish to create a steady routine to ease your anxiety, reaching out to a professional may be exactly what you need. At PIVOT, we love helping individuals engage in healthy living and heal past wounds that may be preventing them from growing. We offer a wide array of carefully-designed relationship retreats and workshops, as well as insightful and transformative individual coaching sessions. Not sure which option would fit you the best? Give us a call today!

There are numerous reasons why you might be experiencing fear in your relationship and having difficulties controlling your negative emotions. Sometimes, the reason can be underlying unresolved anger issues in your relationship, or your fear might be stemming from the emotional abandonment you could be experiencing.

Depending on the reason behind your fear, there are ways to resolve the matters and begin the process of healing and finding lost trust that will help you feel safe and secure in your relationship. That is why it is important to take a closer look at the potential reasons why you’re feeling scared, and what you can do to potentially overcome those fears before giving a relationship building skills workshop a chance. 

Why Am I So Scared In My Relationship?

Being scared in a relationship doesn’t always have anything to do with negative treatment or feelings within a relationship. It could just mean that you’re actually scared of being in love, opening completely, and everything else being in a committed relationship can bring. Let’s take a look at the most common reasons people feel scared in relationships:

1. You’re afraid of feeling vulnerable: New relationships are often uncharted territories, and allowing yourself to fall in love can feel risky. This challenges your core defenses, making you feel scared of becoming exposed and vulnerable.
2. You’re afraid of past hurts: Your past relationship history and old family of origin wounds could be affecting your current relationship experience. The hurt you might have felt in your previous close relationships could be affecting your ability to commit, for fear of getting hurt again.
3. You’re afraid of love challenging your identity: Being in a loving and committed relationship can make some people feel afraid of losing their own identity. They are scared of their partner influencing and changing their own notions of themselves as individuals.
4. You’re afraid of pain accompanying love: You could be fearing that your complete joy of being in a relationship could be upended by an equal amount of inevitable sadness that follows.
5. You’re afraid of the inequality of love: This can work both ways – you feeling your love remains unequally reciprocated, and you fearing you won’t give your partner the amount of love and devotion they instill upon you.
6. You’re afraid of losing connection to your family: Some people perceive long-lasting relationships as the beginning of breaking up your family connections and starting a new life further away from them than they’d like.

What Is It Called When You Have A Fear Of Relationships?

Love, no matter how beautiful and uplifting, can also be frightening, and some apprehension is quite normal and expected. However, extreme fear of relationships can also exhibit itself in certain individuals, and it is called philophobia, or the fear of loving and connecting with another person.

Philophobia is a completely overwhelming fear of allowing yourself to fall in love. Symptoms can vary from one individual to another and, even if you don’t have this condition,you may have symptoms that would be important for you to address and heal.   There are some common symptoms that most people suffering from philophobia identify with:

• You’re unable to let go of the past.
• You’re scared of having your heart broken.
• You’re not opening up to others.
• You have constant trust issues.
• You’re overly focused on your single life.
• You feel like in a cage when in a relationship.
• You’re only enjoying the physical aspects of a relationship.

How Do You Overcome Your Fears?

Learning how to overcome your fear of relationships is paramount when trying to be part of a loving, supportive, and nurturing relationship. There are three initial phases of first realizing your fear, before actually attempting to take steps to overcome it. As naive as they may sound, they are, nonetheless, vital for the starting efforts:

• Attempt to realize that you’re experiencing relationship fear and anxiety.
• Try to detect the underlying reason behind your relationship fears. 
• Make the decision to endeavor to overcome your relationship fears.

Also, do not refrain from contacting experienced and educated relationship coaches to help you determine and overcome your fear of relationships. If you’re struggling to resolve your problems alone, you can always turn to professionals. 

Steps To Face Your Fears

Choose PIVOT Relationship Building Skills Workshop To Deal With Your Fears

Feeling scared in your relationship is an issue you can work through and resolve. However, sometimes, you are not able to do so on your own, and you might need some help from trained and educated professional coaches. When you find yourself unable to advance all alone, you can turn to qualified and experienced advocates from PIVOT to build or rebuild trust in your relationship at one of our workshops. PIVOT is a relationship retreat that offers love, care, and understanding. We are proud of our team of professional relationship advocates who offer both individual emotional intimacy coaching sessions, as well as relationship workshops and retreats for you and your partner. We want to help you feel safe and brave in your relationship once again. Contact PIVOT today!

Dealing with conflicting emotions in your relationship is never easy. The love & hate counterparts quickly spring to mind, but individuals frequently feel both scared and safe, secure and insecure in a relationship, and they keep struggling with it and leaving the problem unresolved. 

If you are thinking of signing up for  emotional intimacy coaching sessions, it is important to come to understand the potential reasons behind your ambivalence. Why can you feel brave and scared at the same time? Perhaps you’ve been experiencing emotional neglect, or you’ve been feeling ignored for an extended period of time. 

These feelings can make you feel scared, but also give you initial, short-lasting strength to try and deal with them. Sometimes, it’s best to resolve your emotional intimacy issues alongside trained relationship coaches. However, let us first see what it means to be both scared and brave. 

What Does It Mean To Be Brave?

Bravery is a word often used, but frequently misunderstood and misexplained. Among all the definitions of courage, it is difficult to escape the assumption that there is only one, underlying trait that all those perceived to be brave or courageous share and must have.

The truth about bravery, however, is different and nowhere near as absolute as you might be led to believe by only glimpsing at it’s meaning. In fact, there are six main types of bravery people can exhibit at different times:

• Physical bravery: This is what is most commonly perceived as courage. This type of bravery is exhibited at risk of bodily harm or death.
• Social bravery: Social bravery involves allowing yourself to speak your mind at risk of rejection, unpopularity, exclusion, or embarrassment. 
• Intellectual bravery: This type of bravery describes an individual’s capacity to risk making mistakes, to question their thinking, and to challenge existing ideas and concepts.
• Moral bravery: Moral courage includes doing the thing you perceive as right, and risk facing disapproval, opposition, or shame by others.
• Emotional bravery: This bravery is all about individuals allowing themselves to feel the complete spectrum of positive emotions, but also risk becoming open to negative ones.
• Spiritual bravery: This type of bravery allows people to question their meaning and purpose. 

Can You Be Scared And Brave At The Same Time?

Nelson Mandela said that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. Nobody can feel only courage all the time, and it is completely normal for you to feel both scared and brave at the same time. 

In fact, one could argue that it is only possible to experience true bravery when taking action in face of debilitating fear. Sometimes, bravery and fear are not opposed, but complementary feelings. 

How Do You Be Brave When You’re Feeling Scared?

How Can I Be Fearless In A Relationship?

Being fearless in a relationship is a trait that can allow you to enjoy the emotional intimacy relationships bring more. The key to losing all fear you might be harboring in your relationships lies in taking small steps that amount to a big change:

• Speak to your partner as much as possible
• Be honest when communicating with your partner
• Initiate intimacy in your relationship
• Ask your partner for help if you need it
• Be graceful when accepting and giving compliments
• State your opinions clearly
• Say yes to your partner’s healthy suggestions 

Join PIVOT Workshops & Work On Your Emotional Intimacy Issues 

Sometimes, feeling scared in a relationship is a matter with a single resolution due to problems stemming from deep incompatibility between you and your partner. At other times, it is an emotional intimacy issue you can resolve. However, if you’re not feeling up to the task, and you find yourself unable to deal with your relationship fears without professional help, know that you can always turn to experienced relationships coaches at PIVOT.

Our educated, qualified, and knowledgeable relationship advocates are here to help you start feeling safe and brave in your relationship once again. We can offer both individual coaching sessions for resolving your relationship fears, and our relationship advocates hold coaching sessions for both partners to work out their struggles. PIVOT can help you feel good again. Reach out to us today!

When you hear the word “passion”, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Do you think about romance and passionate love, or do you think of finding your passion or sense of purpose in life? 

Passion seems to be one of those words that is used frequently but has a somewhat vague or unattainable sound to it. Most people use the word passion to refer to strong or intense emotions, whether it’s in relation to long-term enthusiasm and motivation or strong sexual attraction. 

But is passion something that only some of us have while others search far and wide to find it? Should you speak to a remote relationship coach to find your “true” passion? Is passion as elusive as happiness?

In this article, we discuss the meaning and nature of passion and explore how intense emotions can affect our relationships and overall quality of life. Read on. 

What Is The Meaning Of Passion?

Passion can mean a whole lot of different things to different people. For some, passion takes a form of obsessive love or sexual attraction, while others see it as long-term commitment and motivation to a topic or activity. Still, most definitions of passion seem to include intense feelings and emotions, whether long-term or short lived. In general, passion is often linked with topics, people, and activities with the following characteristics: 

• Something you enjoy 
• Something you value 
• Something you’re dedicated to 

Despite the varying personal definitions of passion, research findings seem to be clear on one thing: passion can be developed and used in a positive manner that helps us achieve our personal goals and dreams. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your passion will be something previously unknown to you and rekindled out of nowhere; it simply means that enduring motivation and dedication to an area of interest can increase your possibility of achieving success in that area, whether it’s work, a hobby, or any other aspect of personal development. 

What Are The Types Of Passion?

In order to satisfy their basic psychological needs of autonomy, competence, and relatedness, people engage in a wide range of activities throughout their life, trying to find those which provide enjoyment and fulfillment. Most people select a limited number of activities that they perceive as particularly important and enjoyable. These activities can then be considered as passions. 

In the Dualistic Model of Passion (DMP) proposed by Robert J. Vallerand, there are two main types of passionate activities: 

Harmonious 

Harmonious passion is born when an activity is autonomously internalized into a person’s identity. When an individual freely accepts the activity as resonant or important to them, a motivational force is created, encouraging them to engage in the passionate activity on a regular basis. 

Harmonious passion comes from the authentic integrating self, meaning that the individual is free to fully partake in the activity in a flexible, open manner, without feeling an uncontrollable urge to engage in it. This form of passion usually has positive effects on the person’s psychological well-being. 

Obsessive 

Obsessive passion, on the other hand, comes about when an activity is internalized in a controlled manner, typically from intrapersonal and interpersonal pressure that involves matters of self-esteem and social acceptance. 

The sense of enjoyment and excitement in this type of passion is often uncontrollable, and the individual may experience an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity. This tends to lead to a lack of flexibility that may conflict with other areas in the individual’s life and have a negative impact on their psychological well-being. 

Is Passion Stronger Than Love?

In romantic relationships, the word passion is often used to refer to infatuation and sexual attraction. Romantic passion is also often contrasted with love, with the former being a temporary phase of euphoria or ecstasy and the latter being a lasting state of living. In the sense of attraction, passion is often strong, yet short lived. By contrast, companionate love and emotional intimacy tend to be better predictors of happiness in the relationship than passion, although both can have a positive impact. 

How Long Does Passion Last?

It’s easy to get lost in romantic passion and expect that the intense feelings will last forever. Unfortunately, this kind of attraction has an expiration date. The initial romantic passion and infatuation may last for a couple of years before giving way to less intense, but no less powerful companionship and love. 

How Do You Bring Back Passion? 

Speak With A Relationship Coach Online And Revive Your Passion 

At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples find a sense of purpose and enjoyment in their lives by offering expertise-based relationship coaching and advice to facilitate positive change. Through a wide range of tailored intensive workshops and retreats, we can help you achieve balance in your emotional life and promote sustained psychological well-being. It is our goal to provide you with the tools and resources you need to overcome your fears and heal your emotional wounds. Get in touch with a PIVOT advocate today.

For some people, being alone can be a source of joy and contentment. They engage in solitary activities they are passionate about, contemplate life, and reach out to others when they feel the need for connection and companionship. 

Some individuals, on the other hand, feel uneasy and afraid when they are alone. In fact, the fear of being alone is quite a widespread phenomenon. People who are afraid of being alone can experience severe anxiety when on their own and feel like they need other people around them in order to feel safe. 

In some cases, the fear of being alone may be linked to attachment issues that activate what the behavioral health industry often calls love addiction, caused by childhood neglect or trauma. The fear may also develop as a result of other anxiety disorders or actual negative experiences when alone. 

Keep reading to learn more about the fear of being alone and learn what you can do to overcome it. 

What Is The Fear Of Being Alone?

The fear of being alone, also known as autophobia or monophobia, tends to entail feelings of anxiety and uneasiness in solitude. If you suffer from autophobia, you may feel a strong urge to have another person beside you in order to feel safe in your own home. You may keep the TV on at all times, have long phone conversations throughout the day just to avoid being alone with your thoughts, or spend time with people you don’t actually like. 

Autophobia is not a rational fear – the person may understand that they are physically safe, but still experience anxiety and fear of: 

• Strangers and burglars 
• Feeling unwanted or unloved 
• Experiencing sudden medical issues 
• Hearing strange, unexpected noises 

Symptoms Of Autophobia 

If you have a chronic fear of being alone, you may experience a wide range of psychological and physical symptoms when alone or faced with a possibility of ending up alone. Some common symptoms include: 

• Obsessive worry about being on your own 
• Intense fear of bad things that could happen to you while being alone
• Feelings of detachment from your body in solitude 
• Experiencing sweating, chest pains, shaking, dizziness, nausea, or hyperventilation when alone
• Extreme panic when a relationship ends – even one that is not healthy 
• Overwhelming urge to flee when you’re alone 
• Anticipatory anxiety symptoms when faced with the possibility of ending up alone

The fear of being alone can cause a person to go to extreme lengths in order to avoid solitude. They may not want other people to leave, often at the cost of appearing clingy or needy. In general, individuals with autophobia tend to lack independence in their relationships. 

Is It Normal To Hate Being Alone?

Humans are social creatures, which means that we often prefer to share our time and experiences with others instead of being alone. It is perfectly normal to feel lonely when you feel like you don’t have enough meaningful social connections. However, if you experience severe anxiety when alone or at the thought of ending up alone, you may be struggling with autophobia in which case reaching out to a professional may be the best course of action. 

What Triggers Autophobia?

An individual experiencing autophobia may become anxious at the mere thought of ending up alone. Although an actual threat to their wellbeing may not exist, the individual might still struggle to control their symptoms. 

While it’s not always clear what leads to autophobia, here are some possible causes: 

How Do I Get Over My Fear Of Being Alone?

Overcoming your deepest fears can be a challenging experience. If you fear being alone, you may find solace in the following strategies: 

• Mindfulness exercises, meditation, and aromatherapy can help lower your anxiety levels and help you self-regulate. By learning to be present in your environment, you will find it easier to ward off anxiety symptoms and calm yourself down. 
• For some people, having a steady routine can reduce anxiety symptoms. This may entail maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in housework on a regular basis. 
• If you notice that your fear is impacting your relationships and other areas of life, you may want to try distracting yourself with background noises. Listening to music, watching TV, or using your phone or tablet can give you something to focus on. 
• The previous step, while useful, won’t help you address the underlying cause of the fear. Consider reaching out to professionals online or in person or seeking support from friends and family. 

Face Your Fears Through Expert Codependency Recovery Coaching

Living life in fear can prevent you from achieving your goals and establishing meaningful, fulfilling relationships. PIVOT is here to help you heal your core wounds and overcome insecurities in a compassionate, holistic manner. With years of experience helping couples and individuals, our team is fully committed to providing our clients with reliable and tailored support. 

You can find the support you deserve through our personalized and insightful individual coaching or in one of our transformative relationship-building retreats and workshops. No matter which option you choose, you can expect our PIVOT advocates to provide you with expertise-based advice that helps you change the course of your life. Contact us today and start your journey to happiness and well-being.