Author: Lori Jean Glass

Even compatible couples face some bumps in the road from time to time. Relationship success isn’t measured by whether or not problems arise because they likely will at times. It’s actually about navigating these issues together in a healthy and effective way. Challenges may actually strengthen the bonds between you and your partners if they find productive ways of dealing with them as a couple.

Getting to know more about the causes and effects of these pressures is the first step to overcoming relationship challenges. Find out how to recognize the root causes and signs of relationship tension, learn how external factors can affect a couple, and discover healthy strategies for overcoming these difficulties.

What Is Tension In A Relationship?

Relationship tension manifests itself as negative emotions concerning the partner and the relationship. You could be anxious and worried about your future together. It can be caused by a wide variety of internal and external factors. For example, realizing that your partner doesn’t live up to the first impression you had of them can generate tension. Or, interfering family members can put a pressure on the relationship.

Is Tension Normal In A Relationship?

While some movies and social media would have you believe otherwise, all couples have their ups and downs. To an extent, tension is an integral part of life. This means loving, healthy relationships will also face difficulties. It’s how you handle them that determines whether their relationship will disintegrate or continue thriving. If the tension is overwhelming and affects the partners’ mental well-being, relationship coaching can help them communicate better and overcome it.

What Are Internal Relationship Pressures?

Internal pressures can come from different sources, such as:

• Personal differences: Different religions, backgrounds, and upbringing can be points of contention between you and your partner. However, if you react to them with curiosity and then acceptance, these issues don’t have to negatively affect the relationship.
• Miscommunication: Differences in communication styles can cause serious misunderstandings. Not being able to listen and share effectively makes it very difficult to work together on overcoming problems.
• Skewed power dynamic: One partner tends to dominate the dynamic while the other one puts their needs aside for the sake of preserving the relationship. This inequality often results in tension and dissatisfaction. 
• Failed expectations: Conflict usually arises when you or your partner’s initial expectations aren’t met. For example, you may love your partner’s spontaneity at first and then realize that you actually find them disorganized and lazy after a while. You may then feel angry and betrayed.
• Suspicion and jealousy: These feelings can make the person insecure, fearful of the future, and controlling of their partner. It can lead to arguments, growing distrust, and finally cause the partners to grow apart.

What Are External Factors In Relationships?

There are many outside factors that can put a strain on a relationship, including:

• Financial difficulties, like being in debt or going bankrupt.
• School or work-related tension, such as unemployment, the stress of an important exam, or the challenges of a high-pressure career.
• Family members who meddle by not approving of the relationship or turning the partners against each other. 
• Health issues, which may mean that the bulk of the work and care for one partner will fall on the other one.
• A loved one’s illness or passing, which can devastate the couple and lead to dissatisfaction in other areas of life.
• Political conflicts and natural disasters, which can be extremely threatening and affect the couple emotionally, socially, and financially.

Can Outside Stress Ruin A Relationship?

Unfortunately, external pressures can deeply undermine a relationship and destroy it. Stress that originates from things that are beyond your control, like intense job demands and health problems, easily spills over into the relationship. 

When you and your partner are affected by outside stressors, you tend to think, feel, and do things that you otherwise wouldn’t. For example, it can make you hypersensitive and argumentative over small, insignificant things. Stressed people often react impulsively and blow things out of proportion. 

You can also vent your frustrations by taking them out on the people closest to you, including your partner. While looking for an outlet during stressful times is advisable and healthy, picking fights with your partner is an ineffective way to do so. 

How Do You Fix Tension In A Relationship?

These are some strategies to use to alleviate relationship tension:

• Show your affection: It’s easy to forget to show your partner that you care during times of stress. However, it’s advisable to still find time for each other and give one another the support you need.
• Work on your communication skills: Convey your opinions and feelings clearly, both verbally and using your body language. Relationship coaching can be very helpful when it comes to achieving this.
• Realistic expectations: Get your expectations in check.  Try not to have unrealistic expectations on your partner being responsible for your feelings.  Each of you are responsible for how you are choosing to communicate.
• Calm down before you talk things through: Try to decompress before you have a conversation with your partner. Discussing things with a clear head is usually more productive. Also, this may give you a better insight into the situation. 

Can I Solve Relationship Problems By Finding Solutions At A  Retreat?

Here at PIVOT, trained relationship advocates are committed to helping individuals and couples overcome the hurdles that stand in their way. We can provide you with a tailored coaching plan based on our extensive curriculum. As part of our carefully designed individual coaching program, you’ll learn how to recognize the root causes of your current challenges, resolve them, and attach to your partner securely.

By joining our Glass House retreat program for a 5-day stay, you’ll get to work with Master PIVOT advocates and go over a personalized plan. This experience includes one-on-one, group, and experiential coaching sessions as well as meditation, yoga, and balanced nutrition. We host up to six clients at a time to make sure each one receives the unique support they need. Become aware of the underlying causes of your behavior and gain inner strength to resolve the issues that you’re experiencing in your relationship. Join our programs to work through your early wounds and find an effective way to attain peace of mind.

“One aspect of the PIVOT process that I truly appreciate is the emphasis on the entire human experience – and not just speaking to labels. Because it’s not about what’s wrong with you. It’s about what happened to you. The PIVOT process empowers clients with life-affirming tools to connect the dots about why you do what you do – and offers tangible and practical solutions,” says PIVOT Coach and former PIVOT client Fernando. He explains that many individuals turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, and other addictions to endure and survive trauma. Part of the multi-faceted process of overcoming addiction is to discover healthier and more productive ways to live in the world.

Beyond Childhood Trauma

The PIVOT process, continues Fernando, goes deeper into developmental psychology than a lot of other work he has witnessed in his career as a behavioral health professional, former professor, and supervisor to newer clinicians. Although much trauma originates in childhood, he explains that we also confront adversity when interacting with society, government, natural catastrophes, and personal issues that can’t be traced to our early years. Coach Fernando asserts that it’s also important to note that relational problems – including attachment wounds -can start in adulthood. One of Fernando’s clients, for example, had a happy and healthy childhood. Yet this client had to work through the severe trauma that began in adulthood resulting from his mother’s sudden and untimely death.

Says Fernando: “We’re all about relationships. Nobody lives on an island in a vacuum. We must relate and interact with people in our communities, our families, our workplace, and in our social circles. That’s why relational work is essential to overall well-being.”

Complete Circle

“Lori Jean’s Relational Circle Boundaries is Ph.D. level boundary work, yet it’s presented so simply. I have a master’s degree in counseling and am a voracious reader, and I’ve never seen boundary work presented in such a user-friendly way,” says Fernando.

He adds that it’s important to look at the whole perspective, which is a focus in the PIVOT process, and not be pulled into all-or-nothing thinking. “What I’ve learned and what we teach here about boundaries is that in lieu of merely having on and off switches, we can install dimmer switches. Doing so allows us to give each of our relationships the energy it deserves based on these layers and categories of boundaries.” He says that every PIVOT Coach is educated and certified in the PIVOT process, and many of these Coaches were previously PIVOT clients, too. Couples, families, and business professionals have also greatly benefited from the process.

Fernando says the process has helped him understand himself with much greater clarity and has provided him with life-changing repair tools to forge ahead. “So many people come here with a keen awareness of what’s wrong and a list of labels. Yet they don’t know what to do or what steps to take to move forward. It wasn’t until many of my clients were introduced to the PIVOT process that they could fully see themselves – and understand why they are the way they are.”

Optimized for Organization

“People who have experienced the PIVOT process – including myself – feel a lot more organized internally. Instead of feeling like I had a big mess inside my brain, I was able to organize the different parts of myself. Although this knowledge alone didn’t take anything away, my brain and my heart was tidied up. The work I did allowed me to gain a greater understanding of what happened during instrumental periods in my life; how it impacted me and others; where I am today; and where to go from here.”

One benefit to the one-week intensive at the PIVOT Glass House, according to Fernando, is the way in which the program is sequenced. Considerable thought was devoted to the way the PIVOT program – which was developed over a nine-year-period in a residential clinical setting – is curated and introduced to clients. He also says that the ability to participate in groups, one-on-one, and experiential sessions offers clients optimal benefits. “The bottom line,” explains Fernando, “is that we want to identify, restore, and repair. This process is our responsibility – and cannot be delegated to our partner or anyone else. We must be ready and willing to do our work to heal.”

He explains that we must embrace self-love before we can truly help others. “It’s important to give to others from your overflow – and not from an empty glass. If your glass is overflowing, you can give to others without ever feeling empty.”

At the start of a relationship, you may find it hard to spend a day away from your partner. Unfortunately, the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship doesn’t last forever. As time goes by, you and your partner may not be as inseparable as you were initially, and that’s okay. 

However, what if this scenario doesn’t happen at all? What if you or your partner keep on insisting on being inseparable? Whether you two have decided to move in together or see each other every day, it’s likely that one of you may start feeling stifled.

Luckily, most relationship problems and challenges have solutions. Keep on reading to find out what happens when you spend too much time with your partner and how you can maintain the spark even while living together. 

Can Spending Too Much Time Together Ruin A Relationship?

While spending every waking hour in the company of your partner may seem like a dream come true, this is rarely a relationship model that works. To be truly fulfilled, people need independence and some time away from their significant other. Being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean you don’t also require a rich social life that includes more than one person. 

If a couple focuses all their attention on each other, shutting out the outside world, this may create a codependent relationship. People in this type of relationship are at risk of clinging onto one another in an unhealthy way, which can cause multiple issues. 

For example, the couple may grow apart from the other people in their lives, losing friendships and family ties. As their world gets smaller and smaller, they may experience problems with self-worth and decision making. One or both partners may feel uneasy acting independently and without the approval of their significant other. 

Also, because they become each other’s only meaningful social interaction, one or both of them may cling onto the relationship at all costs. This may cause them to gloss over the other partner’s hurtful behavior and the dysfunctionality of the relationship. Codependency often enables people’s destructive patterns, like playing martyr or over-indulgent behavior.

However, different people have different relationship ideals, which may all be equally healthy. While some need more time on their own, others don’t feel overwhelmed by spending most of their time as a couple. If you feel confident and empowered both on your own and together, you’re probably on the right track. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine what works for your relationship and strike a balance that suits you.

How Do You Know If You’re Spending Too Much Time Together?

The most important question to ask yourself here is: “How do you feel when you’re apart?” If you feel insecure and like someone pulled the rug out from your feet, it may be a sign that you’re using your partner as a safety blanket. If you’re overcome with suspicion and jealousy when your partner is away, it may also signal a problem. Overall, healthy partners are independent individuals in their own right, who grow and learn from their relationship without losing a part of themselves to stay in it.

You can also consider how you feel when you’re together. Proximity often gives birth to boredom and routine, which can jeopardize the future of the relationship. There are several signs that you may be spending too much time together, such as:

• You’re out of conversation topics.
• You don’t text or talk on the phone.
• You rarely go out or have fun together. 
• You don’t do anything new.
• You have less sex.
• You have arguments more frequently.

Does Spending Time Apart Help A Relationship?

Spending time apart can actually be beneficial for your relationship. It can reduce friction and invigorate the relationship. Here’s how:

• It gives you something to talk about, as you’ll have interesting individual experiences to share.
• It gives you a chance to miss each other, which can reignite the spark that you may have lost.
• You stop taking each other for granted because spending time together becomes a rare and valuable commodity.
• You maintain separate identities, which is an important part of how we view ourselves and how others see us.
• You keep in touch with the world around you, maintaining other fulfilling relationships in your life.

How Do You Keep Your Relationship Alive When Living Together?

No matter if you’ve recently moved in together or you’ve been sharing a home for a while, you may feel you need more independence. Although you may share everything down to your finances, there are still ways to stay connected to yourself and keep your autonomy. Here are a few things to do:

• Have enough me time: Take time out for yourself whether you’ll take a walk, have a spa day, or lounge in front of the TV. This helps you recalibrate, focus on your own well-being for a while, and see things more clearly.
• Have hobbies you do separately: Although sharing with your partner is a lot of fun, it’s a good idea to have something all to yourself. This can be your thing, which boosts your confidence and becomes a big part of your independent identity.
• Maintain friendships you had before and meet new people on your own: Many people’s friends become their partner’s friends, too. While this is perfectly normal, retain a degree of independence by socializing without your partner.

Can I Fix My Relationship In A Pleasant Retreat?

At PIVOT, people can learn more about themselves and find the right balance in their relationships. Our caring relationship advocates will guide you on your journey of self-understanding, providing compassionate support and sharing a wealth of information along the way.

Our individual workshops will teach you how to outgrow your early hurt and act in healthy ways while our couples workshops are a perfect opportunity to re-think your relationships and pave the way for more successful connections. Access the tools that you need to establish yourself as a Healthy Adult and start on a more beneficial path in life. Get in touch with us today!

Do you dream of spending your days and nights by your partner’s side, cuddling, watching the TV, or preparing delicious meals together? Or do you fear that you’ll sacrifice your precious alone time by moving in with your partner? 

Moving in together has its pros and cons, and each couple may have their own unique expectations regarding the right time to take the step toward cohabitation. Some may choose to move in after a couple of weeks or months, while others may wait until marriage. However, both of these options can lead to problems along the way, and you might seek out private couple retreats for reconnection with your partner far sooner than you thought.

Each relationship has its own pace, and it’s up to you and your partner to decide when to start living together. Keep on reading to find out what to consider before making a choice and what to expect from cohabitation.  

When Is It A Good Idea For Couples To Move In Together?

Depending on their values and religious beliefs, people can have radically different opinions on the right timeline for moving in together. However, religious beliefs aside, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Nevertheless, there are some things you may want to consider before making the decision, including: 

Are You And Your Partner On The Same Page? 

If you and your partner feel the same regarding the seriousness of your relationship and your future together, moving in together may be a good next step. Naturally, you may want to take into account the time you’ve known each other, considering the heightened emotions common at the start of a relationship. If you are unsure, have an open and honest conversation with your partner to determine what might be best for the two of you. At PIVOT, we call this looking at your relationship through the lens of the Whole Perspective – spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and financially.  You don’t have to be on the same page in these categories however you DO want to understand how your partner lives from this lens.

Are You Moving Out Of Convenience? 

Living together can be a sound financial decision, especially for young people who struggle to pay rent. However, taking this step early on, while disregarding the nature of the relationship, can lead to trouble down the road. Some people are simply happier while living apart. On top of that, some couples may keep on living together out of financial reasons and end up feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship. 

What Are Your Thoughts On Marriage? 

There’s plenty of variability in the way people think about marriage nowadays. Some people may choose to wait until marriage to start living together, while others may not want to get married at all. Where you and your partner are on this spectrum is an important factor in determining the right time to move in. Unless you two are on the same page regarding your future together, cohabitation may not be the best choice. 

Is It Normal To Have Doubts Before Moving In Together?

Of course it is. For some people, exchanging their solitary lifestyle for cohabitation is a huge step. In addition to wanting to preserve your freedom, you may also have doubts about the relationship itself, and that’s okay. If that is the case, you may want to voice your concerns to your partner and have a straightforward conversation with them. Once you start living together, it may get more difficult to leave the relationship if you realize you two are not a good match. 

What Do Couples Talk About Before Moving In Together?

There are several important topics to consider if you’ve decided to move in together. These may include: 

• Finances: While it may not seem romantic, money is quite important in relationships. How you and your partner decide to spend and save your money, whether you split expenses or have a joint account, will have a direct impact on the success of your relationship. 
• Time: If you or your partner are used to seeing each other only a couple of times a week, you may find yourself feeling stifled when being constantly together. This doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed or that one of you will cheat. To prevent feelings of frustration and guilt, be honest with your partner about your needs and wants. 
• Habits: In addition to the way you like to spend your time, you and your partner may differ in other respects. For instance, you may want your new place to be spotless and furnished with the trendiest pieces of furniture. Your partner, on the other hand, might be perfectly fine with a modest, messy home. 

Honest conversation is key to making your relationship work. This is especially important when deciding to start your life together. While you and your partner may be hesitant to speak about the less rosy aspects of the relationship, you won’t agree on everything, however hard you may try. Instead of waiting for issues to blow up later on, it may be best to discuss any potential challenges early on, before you commit to living together. 

Do Relationships Change When You Move In Together?

Living together with your partner is a big change. No matter how long you two have known each other and how well suited you think you are, some time may need to pass before you adjust completely. 

Be prepared to see your partner in a new light, with all their good and bad habits. Expect them to see you differently, too. On top of that, you may have far less time for solitary activities you love. All of these things can change your relationship for better or worse. Either way, it’s highly likely that you’ll encounter some challenges when you first move in together. Luckily, you can overcome most of these with some patience and honest communication. 

Visit Our Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals & Embrace Change 

PIVOT is here to help you make sound decisions for your future and deal with relationship challenges as they come. By learning relationship building skills in our individual coaching sessions or choosing one of our tailored couple workshops, you’ll be better equipped to take steps toward a happier, more fulfilled life. Get in touch with us today!

During the initial fiery stage of a relationship, it may be tempting to wave off any mentions of the importance of money. After all, isn’t it true that two people can overcome anything as long as they love each other? At PIVOT, we look at love as a verb.  Not everyone is in a state of consciousness of love in their relationship 100% of the time!

However, if you are to maintain a stable relationship, you and your partner would need to plan for the future, which is likely to involve renting or purchasing a place to live together, owning a car, perhaps raising children, planning retirement, and the list goes on. All of these things require money. 

Not only can money dictate how you and your partner achieve your long-term goals, but it can also be essential in overcoming various relationship challenges along the way. Relationships that cross over into commitment with secrets can destroy the bond.  Challenging issues with money seems to be one of the triggers of shame and secrets. Whether it’s the big secrets (gambling, hidden bank accounts, etc.) or smaller secrets (sneaking in a Nordstrom bag, taking cash out and lying about the reason, etc.), not being transparent about money can create complex conflict to overcome. Keep reading to find out how important money is and how you and your partner can handle financial transparency in your relationship. 

Is Money Important In A Relationship?

While most people would love to think that love conquers all, money can factor in your relationships in plenty of less than fun ways. And this goes beyond simply bickering over who’s going to pay for dinner. If you and your partner want to build a stable foundation for your future, you’ll need to be on the same page in terms of your finances. Here are some specific reasons why money does matter in romantic relationships: 

• Equality: This doesn’t have to mean splitting all bills 50/50. Instead, it may mean ensuring that neither party in the relationship feels exploited. Knowing how much you expect to contribute financially can help you avoid many common money issues. 
• Support: While it may not sound too romantic, it is essential to know how much your partner earns and their plans. You do not want to be forced to support somebody unexpectedly. On the other hand, things happen, so you may also need to prepare to support your partner during trying times. In both of these scenarios, a serious conversation about money can be a significant first step. 
• Priorities: Sharing the same long-term goals is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Imagine this: you are saving up your money to furnish your new apartment, while your partner wastes all their savings on nights out with friends. Determining your financial priorities can build trust and improve your relationship in the long run. 
• Future: All of the reasons listed so far have to do with planning for your future together. If you plan on moving in together and having a family, you’ll need to think about money. In addition, you’ll save yourself from plenty of money-related fights if you are open about finances from the get-go. 

How Do Relationships Deal With Money Differences?

Money differences and conflicts are common in relationships. Luckily, there are many ways in which you can learn to manage your finances as a couple. Here are some tips: 

• Learn to accept differences: It’s unlikely that you and your partner will agree on everything. While you don’t need to accept irresponsible financial decisions, it may be good to agree to disagree on some points. The key is to understand the differences and agree to disagree as long as you can jointly decide how to handle your specific issues as they arise – give and take.
• Be respectful and honest: Communicating openly and honestly about finances is key to building a stable future with your partner. Being straightforward initially and respectful of your partner’s relationship with money will help prevent arguments and bring you closer together. Often when two people come from different parenting styles and economic backgrounds, they can misunderstand each other.
• Set some boundaries: If you and your partner differ in your approaches to money, you may need to set some rules. For instance, you may choose to keep your accounts separate or have a joint account. 

When Do You Talk About Money In A Relationship?

Now that you know more about the importance of money in relationships, one question remains. When is the proper time to bring up money in a relationship? 

Well, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people may choose to talk about money on their first date, while others might find that to be extremely rude. Rather than follow a strict time frame, you may want to have your money talk sometime before your relationship starts getting serious. After all, if you don’t plan on staying in the relationship, you’re probably not all that concerned about finances. 

At PIVOT, we have a dating module that helps individuals determine what is important to learn while vetting potential partners based on their background and life experiences.  

How Do You Talk To Your Partner About Money?

So, how do you approach talking about money with your partner for the first time? Naturally, not everyone will think and talk about finances in the same way. Nevertheless, you may find the following tips helpful: 

• Keep an open mind and be prepared to listen to your partner, no matter how different their views may be. 
• Remember that your partner’s money habits will reveal themselves over time, so try not to worry too much about finances right at the start. 
• When you decide to have your money talk, consider your income and spending habits, as both tend to be essential factors in your financial future. 
• Don’t be secretive about your finances. Not telling your partner about your loans and debts will just create more problems in the long run. 
• Keep your cool. If your conversation starts getting heated for any reason, try to stay calm and collected and work through your differences. 
• Don’t make it all about money. However important money may be, being too focused on talking about finances early on may drive some people away. 

Learn To Fix Your Money-Related Troubles In Our Relationship Workshop

Relationships can be complicated, especially when money issues rear their ugly head. Fortunately, you can overcome most challenges with support from the compassionate and knowledgeable professionals at PIVOT. We provide insightful coaching for individuals dealing with relationship troubles, as well as a range of couple-focused skill-building workshops. Whether you’re looking for ways to fight temptation in a relationship or wonder if spending too much time with your partner can be detrimental to your relationship, count on us to have all the answers. Reach out to PIVOT today and start working on transforming your relationship and building a stable, healthy future. Call now!

For many, there are few things that cause as much anxiety as the thought of discussing a long-term commitment with your partner. Even more so if you haven’t been together for a long time. Even if everything is going well, anyone could be intimidated by opening up with vulnerability and asking the questions regarding your future together. 

However, not knowing if your partner sees a future with you and if you share common goals can cause a lot of worry and stress. It’s especially important to check if you see eye to eye when it comes to big things. Yes, things like being exclusive, moving in together, getting married, or having children. 

If you’re not sure how to approach these topics or when the best time is to bring them up, read on. Joining a couples retreat relationship workshop may also help you let go of your fears and create a fulfilling future together.

Is It Normal To Be Scared Of The Future In A Relationship?

To an extent, relationship anxiety is common and nothing to worry about. However, for people with past relational pain, it can intensify so much it becomes a source of stress and feels overwhelming to approach the topic. People who are excessively fearful of the future may even sabotage their relationship. 

For example, they may start arguing over a petty concern. Or, they may be overcome with jealousy and try to monitor their partner’s every move. This behavior can cause a deep rift between partners.

How Anxious Attachment Plays a Role

A debilitating fear of losing affection can be a trait of the anxious attachment style. Typically, people who attach anxiously didn’t have their emotional needs met in early childhood. Their deep-seated trauma, which is caused by a neglectful or absent parent, translates into their adult lives in this way. 

Because they’re out of relational alignment, they act on their fear without thinking things through. They often feel the need to control their partner and the situation, so that they can feel more secure in their relationship.

If you feel that the fear is too intense and it’s taking a toll on your mental health or your relationship, relationship coaching can help you work on it and teach you how to cope in a healthy way. Sometimes, the fear may be caused by a very real threat to the relationship, such as infidelity, incompatibility, or growing apart. Relationship workshops can also help you re-examine your relationship and determine whether it’s worth fighting for.

Is It Important For Couples To Talk About The Future?

It’s important for couples to be heading in the same direction in life. If you have compatible views of the future, it will be much easier to reach your shared goals and keep your relationship strong. Also, one partner’s decisions can have a huge impact on the other one’s life, so they deserve to be in the know. 

The best way to make sure that you’re on the same page is to discuss your future plans together. This way, you’ll both know exactly where you stand, avoiding misunderstandings and disappointments.

When Is A Good Time To Talk About The Future In A Relationship?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Any moment when you’re spending time together may be right. It may feel natural to do it when you’re about to move the relationship one step further, such as when you’d like to discuss moving in together. 

It could also be whenever a casual conversation points you in that direction. For example, you could touch on having shared accounts one day as you’re talking about your weekly grocery shopping. It’s essential to be open and honest whenever the topic crops up, as well as being willing to hear your partner out.

How Do You Ask Your Partner If They See A Future With You?

There are several tips that you can use to help you introduce the topic of your future together. These can make you feel more confident and help you have a fruitful discussion and gain a better understanding of your partner’s perspective.

1. Go With the Flow

Forcing this conversation can make it all the scarier for both you and your partner. You can let them know what your vision of the future is without putting them on the spot. 

For example, you may casually mention having a home together or starting a family when it naturally arises in conversation. If they pick up the topic enthusiastically, this may be enough to realize that you’re going in the same direction.

2. Ask the Right Questions

To turn the pressure down a notch, you could try asking general questions about their plans and hopes for the future. Then you’ll see whether you’re part of the picture. For example, instead of asking “Where is this going?”, which could make them uncomfortable and feel put on the spot,  you can keep the conversation light with questions like: “Where do you want to be in five years?” or “Do you feel like we’re doing well?”

3. Be Honest With Yourself and Your Partner

What if your visions for the future don’t align? Don’t just go along with what they say hoping that they’ll eventually come around. If you decide to stay, you’ll have to be able to live with the possibility that they may not change their mind.

Don’t put your needs second either because this may come back to bite you. Examine your needs carefully and see which things you’d be willing to compromise and which ones aren’t up for discussion. For example, you may be OK with not getting married, yet you may need an exclusive, monogamous relationship to be happy. 

Where Can I Find a Helpful Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop?

If you’re scared for the future of your relationship, and this is affecting it or your emotional well-being, you may wish to address your concerns through relationship coaching. By working with a trained and empathetic PIVOT advocate, you can discover the true origins of this fear and nurse your inner child back to health. You can overcome your fears of the future in our tailored individual workshops or approach these feelings as a couple by participating in a helpful couples workshop. PIVOT offers you a chance to take a better look at yourself and your relationship. Start your journey toward self-actualization now!

Monogamous relationships have long been the only type of relationship that permeates our daily lives and gets representation in the media. While the ideal of a picture-perfect marriage is ingrained in most people’s minds, reality is far less rosy. 

Divorce rates are high and many people fail to make their monogamous relationships work. Many start wondering if monogamy is for them or if they should seek an alternative relationship model.

Read on to find out what exactly is monogamy, who can benefit from it, and whether you can opt out of it if you wish. You’ll also learn about its different types, so you’re able to define and explain your needs better. If you’d like to discover more about yourself and create more fulfilling romantic bonds, you can consult a reliable relationship coach online.

What Is A Monogamous Relationship?

In a monogamous relationship, partners commit exclusively to each other. They agree not to be romantically involved with anyone else apart from one another. It’s a concept opposite to polyamory, where people can have sexual encounters with or develop romantic feelings for others outside their relationship. While monogamy is almost a given in our society nowadays, there are people who choose not to conform to this concept.

Who Benefits From Monogamy?

Depending on the people in question and their preferences, monogamy may offer multiple advantages and disadvantages. Whether you’ll benefit from it or not will depend on your personality, experiences, and wishes.

For example, some people find comfort in the simplicity and constancy of a monogamous relationship. It comes with a rather clear-cut set of rules, which align with many people’s religious and moral views. It’s also the most universally accepted relationship model in the USA, making it the most palatable for the majority of families and friends. 

Many people find the concept of growing old with the person they love romantic and highly desirable. They enjoy the focused attention they receive and the exclusivity of their partner’s affection.

On the other hand, monogamy may feel too constricting to some people. They may be underwhelmed with the predictability of making a lifelong commitment to one person only. Some also value the flexibility and practicality of polyamory. For example, they can engage in different activities with different partners, without attaching all of their needs to one person. 

Some people would like to be monogamous, but they struggle with remaining faithful to their partner. This may create friction in the relationship down the line, leading to arguments, grudges, and the death of the relationship. This person may either seek a compatible partner who doesn’t mind being in an open relationship or find relationship coaching to help them work on their concerns.

Because everyone’s different, ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works for you and communicate that honestly with potential partnerships. 

Is Monogamy A Choice?

Although in the West it has generally been the norm for centuries, monogamy is linked to culture, not nature. Throughout history, some societies imposed it, while others favored polygamy as the dominant relationship model. Although mononormativity is deeply rooted in our society and only monogamous marriages are legal in the USA, every couple is different and can decide whether to actively practice it. 

It’s important for partners to establish the groundwork for their relationship early on so there are no unmet expectations or bitter disappointments down the road. Once you set certain boundaries together, you and then respect them. However, they don’t have to be set in stone. 

You can revisit this discussion at different times, when the situation calls for it. For example, a couple may agree not to be financially monogamous in the beginning of their relationship, while they’re dating and living apart. Later on, when they decide to share a home, they may find it more convenient and practical to have shared finances. They can rethink and reshape these aspects of their relationship as it grows and changes. 

What Are The 5 Types Of Monogamy?

Monogamy comes in different forms. A couple may be monogamous in none, one, several, or all of these aspects. Knowing how to differentiate between them can come in handy. These types are a handy tool that can help you define and discuss your and your partner’s needs. 

• Physical: This is what most people mean when they talk about monogamy. The partners sexually engage with each other exclusively and physical contact with other people is considered cheating.
• Social: The partners typically live together under one roof, introduce each other as their partner, and become a part of each other’s families. They may be your emergency contact or your plus one in any social situation.
• Emotional: People who are emotionally monogamous agree to share a deep emotional connection only with one another. While they may choose to be physically intimate with other people, only the two of them share the feelings of romantic love.
• Financial: The couple has joint finances that they don’t share with other people without the permission of the other partner. They have insight into each other’s financial situation and decide on money matters together.
• Activity: This applies to doing certain things with each other only, without involving other people. These may be different hobbies or interests that the couple bonds over.

Where Can I Find Compassionate Relationship Intimacy Coaching?

Whether you’re in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, PIVOT can guide you toward better self-understanding and more fulfilling connections to others. Many difficulties people face stem from early traumatic experiences, which leave emotional wounds that reverberate throughout their lives. 

Through the PIVOT process, you can explore yourself profoundly and establish what makes you repeat harmful and ineffective patterns. Ultimately, this deeper self-awareness leads to a more satisfying relationship with yourself and others. You can attend our couples workshops to learn more about yourself and your partner or change for the better by joining our individual workshop program. 

We offer a tailored approach that will help you take control of your past hurt. Join us today!