Author: Lori Jean Glass

Most people look for life-long partners or at least a committed relationship. But what determines our choice of partners? Why do some individuals attract us more than others? Psychologists and behavioral researchers have long been trying to find an answer to these questions, and it’s safe to say that they’ve come up with a number of valid observations.  

Finding a compatible partner can be an easy task for some, and a nightmare to others. If you are having a hard time establishing lasting relationships, reaching out to a relationship coach online can be of great help in understanding the laws of attraction. In the meantime, keep on reading to learn which factors determine our relationship choices. 

How Do Humans Choose Their Partners?

There are two main perspectives when it comes to the way we choose our partners – evolutionary theory and social role theory. Here’s what each of these theories proposes. 

What Determines Who We Fall In Love With? 

Within the social, biological, and subjective categories, there are several individual factors that can lead us to choose one partner over another. Some of them are: 

• Compatibility: you may be more attracted to someone if they have similar values, beliefs, and interests to yours, although you might also be attracted to someone with intriguing differences. 
• Familiarity: your chances of falling in love can be increased if you spend quite a bit of time with someone. This may be at work, in school, or other social situations. The more you’re familiar with someone, the more likely you’ll be to fall in love. 
• Reciprocity: it has been shown that we are more likely to be attracted to someone if we feel like they like us back, although attachment issues may cause attraction to emotionally distant individuals. 
• Being alone with someone: your chances of falling in love will be greater if you spend a great deal of time alone with someone, especially if other factors are at play too. 
• Self-esteem: if you struggle with confidence and self-esteem, your standards may be lower than they should be. This can make you more vulnerable to falling in love. 
• Excitement: generally, we tend to be attracted to intriguing, mysterious individuals. If a person excites you with their presence and behaviors, you’ll be more likely to fall for them. 
• Family: our parents and siblings also have a say in our choice of partners, although you may not consciously be aware of their influence. While it’s common that children choose partners who fit their parents’ preferences, some may also rebel against their family’s expectations. 

Is Attraction A Choice?

While you might fall in love with someone based on unconscious subjective, social, or evolutionary factors, that is not to say that love is not a choice, although initial attraction may not be. 

Let’s say you feel a strong attraction to someone and enter a relationship with them. The initial infatuation may last for a couple of months, or maybe years. But once it fades, you will need to make a conscious decision to stay in the relationship and make it work. At the end of the day, love is both a feeling and a choice. 

We like to say that love is a verb. How you act and express yourself to another person can be loving – or it can be hurtful.  Being “in love” with someone will require a level of respect for one another. How you treat your partner – the one you say you are in love with – matters. 

Does Our Relationship With Our Parents Affect Our Relationship Choices? 

The relationship you have with your parents or primary caregivers can have a significant impact on your love life. Here are some ways in which your parents influence your relationship choices: 

• Being raised by abusive caregivers can make you more willing to accept emotional abuse in your adulthood. For instance, if your parents fought in front of you while you were young, you’ll be more likely to follow suit. 
• The relationship with your parents can influence your relationship with intimacy. If your parents or caregivers were affectionate with you and with each other, you’ll be less likely to be emotionless and distant in your relationships. 
• Your childhood can also have an impact on how trusting you are in relationships. Inheriting deeply rooted trust issues from your parents can make finding a suitable partner or keeping one more challenging for you. 
• Your craving for independence is also directly linked to your relationship with your caregivers. If your parents love each other but understand that time apart also matters, you’ll be more likely to seek out partners who value the same things. 

Visit Our Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop & Find Balance In Love

Are you tired of failed relationships and being let down in love? No matter what the reason for your relationship struggles may be, speaking to professionals can help you heal your core wounds and transform your love life. 

PIVOT is here to help you navigate the dating world with confidence. You can find deep and meaningful insights in our individual coaching sessions, as well as our evidence and expertise-based relationship workshops. Reach out to a PIVOT Advocate today! 

You weren’t emotionally distant when choosing your partner and in the beginning of your relationship. Something must have happened during the course of the relationship that has caused either you or your partner to become emotionless. Once you start holding back your emotions, you start allowing anger to enter the relationship, which is a recipe for a quick end.

It’s not healthy to allow emotional distancing to fester in the relationship. You want to be aware of what emotional distancing is and what causes it, and try to detect the reasons behind you becoming emotionally distant. It’s always best to consult an experienced relationship advocate to help you, however you first need to know what and why it is happening to you.

What Is Emotional Distancing?

Emotional distancing, or emotional detachment, is the inability of an individual to completely engage with their own feelings, or the feelings of others. Severe emotional distancing can start interfering with a person’s social, emotional, psychological, as well as physical development. 

Emotional distancing can be temporary, in response to a stressful or unpleasant situation, or ongoing, which appears in people who suffer from attachment disorders. Whatever kind of emotional distancing you’re experiencing, you should try and find professional assistance to help you cope with it and overcome it.

Common Symptoms of Emotional Distancing

Some of the most common symptoms of emotional distancing, be it in a relationship or with loved ones, are the following:

• Suffering from low self-esteem
• Becoming completely ambivalent
• Exhibiting very bad listening skills
• Constantly challenging intimate relationships
• Not opening up or having great difficulty doing so
• Experiencing lack of verbal, physical, or sexual contact

What Causes Distance In A Relationship?

Emotional distancing in relationships can be caused by several different factors. Determining the cause behind you or your partner becoming emotionally distant is the first and vital step in overcoming such emotional problems. Here are the most common causes of emotional distance in relationships:

1. Alone time: Sometimes, it all begins with a benign reason as craving some alone time. If you or your partner do not have sufficient time to dedicate to yourselves, you should try discussing it and finding some time for you and you alone. 
2. Emotional distress: If you or your partner have recently suffered severe emotional strain, it can be what triggered the act of emotional distancing. Experiencing extreme emotions can lead to an individual withdrawing and becoming emotionally distant for a time.
3. Love lost: Sometimes, you or your partner are no longer as emotionally invested in your relationship as you used to be. Losing interest in the relationship, not putting enough effort and avoiding intimacy are different factors that can lead to problems with emotional attachment.
4. Avoiding and pursuing: Sometimes, you can start feeling that your partner is too needy, or vice versa. This leads to taking an emotional step back which, in turn, leads to your partner pushing even harder for answers and explanations, which quickly turns into a vicious cycle of pushing and falling back, climaxing in complete emotional detachment.
5. Criticism: When you or your partner begin to experience emotional distance, it can quickly become really hurtful. One of you will then start to become overly critical of the other, leading to emotional withdrawal and further emotional distancing. This withdrawal will make you feel even more distressed, which will lead to even more criticism, without an end in sight.

Whatever the causes and the reasons behind emotional distancing, it’s paramount that you consult an experienced relationship advocate to help you get through it all. Otherwise, you and your partner risk imprinting further emotional damage onto each other.

What Does It Mean When You Distance Yourself From People?

Sometimes, the cause behind becoming emotionally distant is simply a lack of excitement in your life. As simple as this may sound, the feelings you’re experiencing are still hard and difficult to deal with. 

Why Am I Distancing Myself From My Partner?

If you notice that you’re starting to emotionally distance yourself from your partner more and more, it’s time to take a look at some of the reasons why that might be happening. There are three main reasons why you might be distancing yourself from your partner:

1. Prolonged distance: Couples go through different emotional periods together. Sometimes, they feel more distant, while sometimes they feel close to each other. However, if you stop spending time together, enjoying engaging activities, or start spending prolonged time away from each other, you can become more and more emotionally distant unless you change these habits.
2. Unresolved conflicts: Experiencing conflicts in relationships is normal. However, you should always try to resolve those conflicts and not leave matters unfinished. Unresolved issues can cause long-term resentment, which can lead to severe emotional distancing between you and your partner.
3. Poor sexual connection: Finally, if you’re experiencing a prolonged period of sexual inactivity between you and your partner, this may be a signal that you’re growing further and further apart emotionally. 

Join PIVOT Workshops & Overcome Intimacy Problems In Your Relationship

Losing emotional attachment to your partner or loved ones is never easy. Becoming distant in a relationship is hard on both parties involved, and it can exert horrible emotional toll on both partners. 

However, there is a way to solve such intimacy problems in a relationship, and it is best to start working on resolving your emotional distancing issues with an experienced relationship advocate. 

PIVOT is your safe sanctuary where you can get in touch with your inner self and learn how to connect with your partner all over again. We organize relationship retreats and workshops for you and your partner, while you can choose to have individual coaching sessions with a team of our experienced advocates. PIVOT is here to help you feel again. Contact us today!

Sometimes, we have no control over choosing our partners. We meet someone, fall in love, and the rest takes care of itself. However, sometimes the relationship takes a sour turn, and we transition from idealizing our partner, to becoming codependent on your partner, to completely distancing ourselves from our partner. Not all relationships have a happily ever after.

And, if you’ve experienced one or several unhappy endings, you might find yourself questioning your ability to find a compatible partner for yourself. There is no room for despair, as choosing poorly happens to everybody. You can always try to consult a professional relationship advocate, but you should first try to learn how to try to find a suitable partner for yourself.

Is It Better For Couples To Be Similar Or Different?

In romantic and other types of relationships, it’s not uncommon for partners to share the same personality traits. On the other hand, there are individuals who have different, that is, complementary personalities, yet they work perfectly well together. 

So, do you choose a partner who has personality traits similar to yours, or do you try to find the perfect partner that complements your character?

The answer is that there is no definite answer, as there rarely is when it comes to the matters of the heart. There are pros and cons to both types of partners – those that are a bit different than you, as well as those that you find to be quite similar.

The Appeal Of Opposites

Some people prefer to be with a partner that shares character traits different from theirs. This allows them to grow while in a relationship, look up to their partner, and try to adopt the features they think they lack. 

Also, some individuals perceive relationships as teams, and they find it favorable to have varying strengths and weaknesses that contribute to the complementary nature of their relationship. If you find you function perfectly with a partner who is your opposite, then you have your answer.

The Significance Of Similarities

However, research suggests that it is similarities rather than complementary personality traits that help couples persevere. The University of Kansas performed a study that included 1532 couples. In 86% of the cases studied, couples that were similar in nature lasted longer.

However, it has to be noted that similar couples are in no way identical. Each person is different, and we all share different values, beliefs, and desires. It is about finding the balance between being similar enough to withstand the tests that inevitably occur in relationships, but to still possess some crucial differences that allow both you and your partner to prosper in the relationship.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

It may be possible to provide a simplified answer to the questions of whether opposites really attract and conclude that people benefit from choosing their romantic partners based on their own preferences and feelings. However, delving deeper into the matter reveals that, at least statistically, the opposites-similarities conundrum is a bit more complicated.

Can Two People Be Too Similar?

When two people in a relationship are very similar they can allow their relationship to become stale. When the two partners share too many personality characteristics, it can lead to an overly predictable relationship, which takes the fun out of it.

Also, being with an overly similar partner for a long time can lead to both of you becoming too comfortable in a relationship. This can get you stuck in a rut, causing you to start drifting apart. 

However, all this sounds a lot worse than it has to be. Relationships between similar individuals last longer and are a lot more sustainable in the long run. They just require some work, as all relationships do. Try to recognize the “slow” periods of the relationship, and put in some work to get things going again.

How Do I Choose A Compatible Partner?

Choosing a compatible partner is not easy. In fact, it is one of the most difficult things we all face in our lives. Some get lucky, while others put in a lot of work into their relationships, only to find them end with tears. But how can a person choose a compatible partner? Is there really a checklist that can help us achieve relationship bliss?

There isn’t. That being said, there are several things you can change in the way you approach your romantic interests that can help you find a partner that is compatible with you. Here’s what you can do if you keep finding yourself in poor relationships:

• Don’t rush into committed relationships.
• Make sure you share important views on life. 
• Try to find a partner that you can be yourself with.
• Don’t substitute sexual attraction for relationship potential.
• Stop looking for the same qualities in your romantic partners.
• Don’t expect your partner to change in order to abide by your standards.
• Try stepping out of your comfort zone and try to get to know different people.
• Finally, don’t hesitate to seek help from an experienced relationship advocate.

Learn About Yourself & Other at PIVOT Relationship Coaching Retreat For Singles

Perhaps you’ve been in multiple relationships but you’ve never managed to find the person who is completely right for you. Maybe you’ve never met someone you wanted to form a relationship with. Whatever the reason, seeking help with finding your significant other is nothing to be ashamed of, and experienced PIVOT advocates are here to help you find love.

Our dating module has helped many people have successful outcomes with dating.  We also have a PIVOT Dating with Purpose Series which is a four week course with a small group that can help write a profile based in reality!  

Our specialized couples workshops and retreats are great for assisting you with finding your match, while our individual coaching sessions alongside a team of experienced advocates can help you learn more about yourself and what you’re looking for. We’re here to help you out any way we can. Contact us today!

Jealousy and love go hand in hand. At least that’s what we’ve been led to believe. Unfortunately, the causes of jealousy have little to do with love and more to do with insecure attachments we create in our childhoods. 

If you are struggling with jealous behaviors in your relationship, you should start with uncovering the core reason for your jealousy. One of the ways to go about building trust in a relationship is to attend an intensive workshop for couples. This is a great way to better understand your behavioral patterns, whether you’re experiencing problems with low self esteem or have a tendency to lie to yourself about the relationship. 

In this article, you will learn what typically causes jealousy and how you can overcome your insecurities that lead to being jealous. Read on. 

What Is The Root Cause Of Jealousy?

Jealousy is an emotional response to being afraid of losing someone or something we consider ours. It is typically accompanied by feelings of exclusion and abandonment. But why are some of us more prone to jealousy than others?  What causes jealousy in the first place? 

Just like with many other behavioral patterns, such as being dishonest in relationships or experiencing codependent and/or controlling behavior, jealousy stems from our early childhood and the attachment we create with our parents or primary caregivers. If your need for affection is not met during your childhood, you can develop a deep insecurity which gives rise to jealousy and influences all of your adult relationships. 

Jealousy is also closely intertwined with abandonment issues. A child whose emotional needs are not met is likely to develop obsessive and jealous behavioral traits, mimicking the dynamics they experienced in childhood in their adult relationships. 

Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love Or Insecurity?

Although many seem to think that jealousy is a sign of love, it is insecurity that is the key factor behind jealous behaviors. While a little bit of jealousy is perfectly normal in some relationships, it can cause a great deal of harm unless it’s kept under control. Here are some insecure traits that may cause jealousy in your relationship: 

• Low self esteem 
• Dependency 
• Neuroticism 
• Feelings of inadequacy 
• Anxious attachment 

If you or your partner are exhibiting jealous behaviors, you should always keep in mind that jealousy is all about the person experiencing it. That is why understanding the core wounds and insecurities and expressing them openly is essential for creating meaningful and stable relationships. 

Is Jealousy A Symptom Of Anxiety?

Just like with many other areas in your life, anxiety can have a detrimental effect on your romantic relationships. In fact, anxiety, particularly its paranoid aspects, can be closely linked to jealousy.

How Do I Stop Being Jealous And Insecure?

Although jealousy may be deeply rooted, it can be overcome, if not entirely eradicated. Here’s how you can deal with jealous behaviors in your relationship: 

Communicate 

Suppressing angry or otherwise unpleasant feelings is rarely the way to go. Make sure to express your jealousy openly and calmly to your partner, enabling them to see why you feel the way you do. Being open about the less pleasant aspects of relationships such as jealousy is key to creating stable and harmonious connections. 

De-Stress 

As we’ve already mentioned, anxiety and stress are closely linked to jealousy. This is why meditation, good diet, and physical exercise can help keep your stress levels low and prevent jealous outbursts. Make sure to give yourself time to wind down on a regular basis. 

Seek Reassurance 

Of course, constantly asking your partner if they love you is not the best way to overcome your jealousy. Nevertheless, you should be honest with your partner as well as try to understand their perspective. If they are willing to understand you, they may be able to reassure you to some extent and make you feel more secure. 

Focus On Yourself 

Picking up a hobby and spending time with friends can help you divert your attention from your partner and curb your jealousy in the process. Make sure to set enough time aside to do the things that interest you and don’t require the presence of your partner. 

Remind Yourself Of Your Worth 

Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person – far from it. In order to overcome your jealous traits, you need to understand why you are the way you are. You can do this by uncovering and analyzing your core emotional wound and realizing that you are much more than just your anxiety and jealousy. 

Reach Out to Experts 

If you can’t get your jealous behaviours under control, your relationship is bound to suffer. Luckily, you can rely on experienced relationship coaches to help you overcome jealousy and create healthier emotional attachments. 

PIVOT Couple Workshop: Your Best Choice For Deepening A Relationship

Overcoming jealousy is necessary for creating harmonious relationships. At PIVOT, we strive to provide individuals and couples with knowledge and support that will enable them to understand their emotional attachments and curb jealous behaviors. 

Whether you choose to find support in our intensive couple workshops or try to deal with your jealousy through our knowledge-based individual coaching sessions, rest assured that our PIVOT Advocates will help you find peace and balance in your emotional life. Contact us today! 

Having low self esteem is not only detrimental to your psychological well being, but also to your romantic relationships. In fact, confidence is a crucial part of building healthier relationships. If you struggle with deep insecurities, you are very likely to express them in front of your partner, one way or another. 

Of course, it is entirely natural to have a fluctuating self esteem, especially when life presents its challenges. However, if your confidence is consistently low, you risk damaging your relationships as well as stunting your personal growth. Luckily, there are several ways you can overcome your low self esteem, including attending a relationship coaching retreat for individuals and learning to be honest with yourself. 

Keep reading to learn how having a low-self esteem can affect your romantic relationships and what you can do to boost your self confidence. 

How Does Self Esteem Affect Your Relationships?

Knowing your own worth is crucial for creating strong attachments. A significant lack of confidence can lead to the following relationship issues: 

• Poor relationship choices: having a low self esteem can cause you to settle for less in terms of relationships. You may feel like you don’t deserve a partner who treats you well, and end up in relationships with individuals who are not right for you. 
• Not being yourself: if you are constantly afraid of rejection and feelings of inadequacy, you may try to present yourself differently to your partner, acting in a way that goes against your principles or attitudes. 
• Jealous and insecure behaviors: your low confidence can result in negative expectations in your relationships. For instance, you may feel like you don’t deserve your partner or that they may cheat on you or leave because you are not good enough.  
• You need constant validation: you may constantly seek validation or reassurance from your partner, trying to prove yourself that you are worthy and lovable. Unfortunately, such attempts are often fruitless, and may even cause your partner to back away.  
• You struggle with asserting yourself: if you believe you’re not good or worthy enough, you probably believe that your needs don’t matter. You may ignore your own wishes and desires in the relationship, which often results in resentment and bitterness. 

Can Low Self Esteem Ruin A Relationship?

Low self esteem can have an immense impact on the success of your relationship. If you feel like you are worthless or unlovable, it can be hard for everyone else to see your true worth and love you for who you are. And, then at times, people in relationship with you will feel like they are doing something wrong. 

For instance, you may be overly needy in your relationships, constantly smothering your partner trying to get their validation and attention. Unfortunately, such behaviors are more likely to distance your partner from the relationship and cause them to doubt their feelings for you. Similarly, if you ignore your own needs for too long, you might become passive aggressive or bitter towards your partner. 

What Are The 4 Signs Of Low Self Esteem?

Wondering if you or someone close to you is struggling with low confidence and self esteem? Here are some behaviors to look out for: 

How Do You Deal With Low Self Esteem In A Relationship?

If your self esteem has caused a great deal of pain and discomfort in your relationship, don’t worry. Your confidence is not set in stone. Here’s what you can do to boost your self esteem: 

Shut Down The Inner Critic 

Catch your negative thoughts and try to counter them with thoughts that are more realistic and rational. You need to learn to be less harsh on yourself and practice self-care. 

Find A Hobby 

Focus on yourself instead of seeking constant validation from your partner. Picking up a hobby that works on your strengths will help boost your confidence and improve the relationship with your partner. 

Get Professional Help 

If your low self esteem keeps causing harm to your relationships, it may be time to seek out support from relationship coaches. They will help you understand the sources of your low self esteem and help you on your path towards reaching your potential. 

Find Your Confidence At Our Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection

Are you tired of feeling like you’re not good enough? It may be time to take that first step towards learning to love yourself and improving your emotional relationships. At PIVOT, we offer highly insightful and transformative coaching sessions as well as a range of helpful retreats and workshops for couples that can help you break your bubble and leave the comfort zone. 

Our PIVOT Advocates can help you reach within and find your worth without relying on external factors. We’ll help you overcome your core emotional wounds and uncover the unhealthy patterns you’ve been harboring. Reach out to PIVOT today. 

Humans are highly skilled at deceiving themselves. In fact, self-deception is one of our strongest defense mechanisms. We like to believe things that feel good to us and match our idea of ourselves, while we choose to ignore the less pleasing aspects of ourselves and our relationships with others. 

While dishonesty can cause a great deal of pain in relationships, it can cause even more harm if we direct it inward. But is this always true? Isn’t a little bit of self-deception necessary to lead a comfortable life? In this article, we attempt to answer the question of why we lie to ourselves and present some ways in which you can break through self-deception. 

If you are struggling to avoid the pitfalls of self-deception, overcome low self-esteem, or stop idealizing your relationships, remember that you are not alone. A romantic relationship building skills workshop can give you the resources and knowledge you need to better understand yourself and your survival patterns. Read on to learn how to get out of the clutches of self-deception. 

What Does It Mean When You Lie To Yourself?

There are endless reasons why we may choose to deceive ourselves. In fact, people can lie to themselves about practically anything, from finding excuses to fallacies in their thinking to ignoring toxic traits in their partners. Here are 3 common reasons why you may resort to self-deception: 

You Want Your Thoughts And Actions To Be Valid 

Most people want their feelings, beliefs, and actions to align. We have an inner drive for cognitive consistency, seeking harmony of our behaviors and attitudes. If we do or feel something that goes against our core principles or the idea we have about ourselves, we tend to feel uncomfortable. When we feel this mental discomfort, we are actually experiencing cognitive dissonance, which occurs when we express conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors. 

You May Be Trying To Avoid Change 

Sometimes, being truthful to yourself means accepting the fact that you need to make a significant change in your life. You may be in a toxic relationship or stuck in a job that doesn’t let you grow, being in denial even though you know deep down that you aren’t satisfied. Just keep in mind that the fear of change can slow down self-improvement and stop you from having new experiences and ideas as well as meeting new people. 

You Don’t Want To Feel Pain  

Another reason why you may be in denial is because you don’t want to rock the boat. If uncovering and accepting the truth means that you or someone else would get hurt, it’s only natural that you’d try and cover it up. While maintaining the status quo can be a good thing, you can only grow if you confront your fears and take risks. Even if that means making other people uncomfortable.

Is It Healthy To Lie To Yourself?

Although lying to yourself is more common than you realize, it can have a detrimental effect on your mental and physical health. This is primarily because you may remain in a situation which is far from ideal, stunting your own psychological growth and improvement. 

You may also start to ignore your own needs and harbor resentment towards your partner or other individuals in your life, which can bubble up to the surface in bouts of passive aggressiveness. In short, denying your own desires and deceiving yourself can only hold you back and prevent you from reaching your full potential. 

How Do You Know If You’re Lying To Yourself About A Relationship?

Detecting self-deception in romantic relationships can be challenging. We want our relationships with others to be ideal and will go to great lengths to paint a perfect picture of our partner and ourselves, ignoring the less appealing aspects of the relationship. 

Signs You’re Lying To Yourself 

But how can you tell that you’re deceiving yourself in a relationship? Here are some tell-tale signs: 

• Your mind is restless. If you keep thinking about your relationship over and over, trying to convince yourself that everything is fine, there’s a good chance that you’re being self-deceptive. 
• You constantly have to defend your partner. Do you feel like you have to justify your partner to your family or friends? You keep trying to find excuses for the less satisfying aspects of your relationship, losing so much of your time and energy in the process. 
• You won’t take advice from other people. While it’s true that you should follow your own path and make your own decisions, the people closest to you probably want what’s best for you, but you keep getting defensive if they criticize your relationship. 
• You are overly stressed in the relationship. A relationship should be a source of joy and comfort, not stress and anxiety. If you feel on edge most of the time you spend with your partner, you may be deceiving yourself big time. 

How To Stop Lying to Yourself 

While there’s no doubt that beating your self-deceptive dependencies will be hard, it’s far from impossible. Here’s what you can do: 

Find Your Courage At Our Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop

Whether you don’t want to admit that you’ve lost attraction to your partner or want to finally end an unhealthy relationship, you’ve come to the right place. At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals like yourself find the courage to accept the truth and start their journey toward self-improvement. 

We offer a wide range of expertise and knowledge-based couple workshops as well as transformative coaching sessions for individuals. Reach out to a PIVOT Advocate today! 

Losing attraction in a relationship can be completely frightening, as most people consider it the first sign of the romance fading. Sometimes the loss of attraction seems like it is because of the differences in sex drives between you and your partner, and all you need to do is communicate your problems to your partner clearly, and they should go away.

However, there are often times when the loss of attraction is only the surface of a larger problem. Perhaps your partner has been emotionally distant recently which, in turn, has made your self esteem low, causing you to struggle with attraction. Maybe your partner’s been dishonest with you, which prevents you from being able to physically connect with your partner. Or you’re lacking the necessary emotional support that would make you enjoy intimacy.

Whatever the underlying issues that have resulted in the loss of attraction between you and your partner, they need to be addressed. The best way to tackle them is always to turn to relationship intimacy coaching that can surely help you resolve any intimacy problems you have in your relationship. But, before that, let’s take a look at why you’ve lost attraction, and how you can regain it.

Is It Normal To Lose Attraction To Your Partner?

When a romantic relationship starts, there is usually a magnetic attraction to your partner. Everything feels new, every kiss is fresh and full of passion, every intimate encounter fiery, it seems as though the raw physical attraction will never disappear.

However, that kind of initial allure is, realistically, not sustainable in the long term. It is completely normal for the feelings for your partner to take on a form different than unhinged sensuality.

However, completely losing attraction to your partner is certainly not a desirable turn of events. You might have started taking the initial attraction for granted, thinking it would last forever. But relationships require work, even in the intimate department. 

That is why you should address loss of attraction to your partner. Sometimes, it’s something you can work on through considerate conversation, while other instances require emotional coaching. Depending on the cause of the lost attraction, the methods for resolving the problem differ.

What Causes Loss Of Attraction?

It can be very emotionally draining when you notice the spark’s beginning to fade. However, the first step in reigniting the old flame is to realize why you’ve lost attraction to your partner in the first place. Only once you become aware of the reason can you start working on the solution.

The best way to discover why the loss of attraction has happened is to consult an experienced emotional coach who can help you uncover what it is that made you start looking at your partner with different eyes. These are some of the most common reasons for losing attraction:

• Harbored anger – Holding on to resentment and anger can quickly turn to loss of attraction towards your partner. You should always communicate negative emotions clearly and calmly.
• Communication deterioration – Have you and your partner started talking more and more in practical terms, and less and less about meaningful or intimate topics? The lack of adequate communication can lead to loss of attraction.
• Failure to share activities – As your relationship lasts, you tend to fall into a routine and stop sharing new adventures with your partner. This lack of fresh activities can lead to you starting to lose attraction to your significant other.
• Letting go – Feeling comfortable in a relationship is great, but feeling overly comfortable to the point of starting to let go both physically and mentally is a quick way to a complete loss of intimacy between you and your partner.
• Loss of physical attraction – Sometimes, you can simply stop being physically attracted to your partner, and lose plenty of chemistry in the process. However, even such problems can be worked out.
• Boredom – Boredom can also cause loss of attraction. People tend to crave novelty, and once there isn’t any, and once the feeling of familiarity becomes all-encompassing, you can easily begin to lose attraction to your partner.
• Merged identities – When you first fall in love with someone, it is because of their unique traits. You should nurture that uniqueness in a relationship too. Don’t let you and your partner merge into one person – cherish your uniqueness so you can value being together.

Can You Love Someone And Not Be Sexually Attracted?

You can definitely love someone if you’re not physically attracted to them. Love and attraction are two separate things, and while it’s great when they go together, it’s not a complete deal breaker if the physical attraction is missing. 

Sometimes, it can take time for you to develop that kind of attraction towards the person you’re in love with. Focus on your emotional and mental connection first, and attraction will come as you build a stronger foundation for your relationship and as you progress your feelings for each other.

On the other hand, it’s also common for two people who love each other to lose physical attraction over time. This is not the end of the world and is entirely something you can work out with your partner. You just need to admit it, talk about it, and start resolving it.

You can always try emotional intimacy coaching sessions that are held by professional relationship coaches. These sessions can help you and your partner communicate your feelings, convey potential resentment, resolve all those problems and move past them and into a freshly-blossoming relationship.

Can You Regain Attraction For Someone?

Yes, you definitely can reignite the passion in your relationship. You can take care of some intimacy issues between you and your partner, while other problems require the help of professional coaches.

There are many ways you can try in order to regain attraction to someone. Many people think that once the attraction is gone, so is the love. But that’s rarely the case. Intimacy can also require work, and if you truly love someone you should do all you can to work it out.

Who Provides The Best Relationship Intimacy Coaching Sessions?

Losing attraction to your partner is extremely difficult, and it can make you question your entire relationship. Even when the love is still there, you can easily start doubting everything. However, it doesn’t have to be that grim, and you have to know there are ways to resolve intimacy problems in a relationship.

The best way to deal with the loss of attraction is to try relationship intimacy coaching. At PIVOT, we organize specialized relationship retreats and workshops, and we also arrange individual sessions with a team of seasoned relationship advocates. Reach out to us today and let us help your relationship thrive again.