Author: Lori Jean Glass

Do you find that you struggle with managing your emotions? Are your reactions deemed too explosive, intense, or inappropriate? 

If this is the case, you may find yourself relating to individuals with emotional dysregulation. This means that you may have an impaired ability to control and manage your emotional responses, whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness, or irritability. 

Emotional dysregulation is often noticed in childhood, and it can be resolved in adolescence, when a person learns adequate self-regulation strategies and skills. 

However, dysregulation can often continue into adulthood. When this happens, people can experience a variety of struggles, including issues with romantic relationships, professional and educational performance, and more. 

There are a variety of options for individuals and couples struggling with relationship management due to emotional dysregulation, including a variety of workshop activities, coaching sessions, and self-help strategies. Keep on reading to find out what emotional dysregulation is and how you can deal with it. 

What Causes Emotional Dysregulation?

How does emotional dysregulation happen? Why do some people manage to stay calm and collected while others struggle not to choke up or rage at the first sign of a problem? 

Well, there are several possible causes of emotional dysregulation in adults. The one cause that stands out is traumatic childhood experiences. This may mean neglect or abuse from a parent or caregiver. 

Additionally, you may also develop emotional dysregulation because your parent or caregiver also struggled with it. If you aren’t taught to regulate your emotions in your childhood, it is likely that you will experience issues with them in adulthood, since kids aren’t born with natural emotional regulation skills. 

Can Anxiety Cause Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation can also be a sign as well as a risk factor for some mental health disorders, including anxiety. 

If you have emotional dysregulation, you may be prone to anxious behaviors that might interfere with your social and professional interactions. For instance, may have an intense fear of abandonment in your romantic relationships, experiencing anxiety whenever you and your partner are apart. This can distance you from your partner and further exacerbate your anxiety. 

What Does Emotion Dysregulation Look Like?

If you need more concrete examples, here’s what emotional dysregulation can look like:  

• You resort to emotional eating or cry all night if your partner doesn’t go out with you or goes out with their friends. 
• You feel isolated at a family dinner, while everyone else seems to be having fun. You go to the bathroom to cry or return home and overeat. 
• You struggle identifying your emotions when you become upset. Your anger or sadness can overwhelm or confuse you. 

Can You Fix Emotional Dysregulation?

Dealing with emotional dysregulation can be a difficult and lengthy process. Still, you can move from unstable and intense emotions to clear, calm thinking. Here’s what you can do: 

• Focus on the one single idea that is important to you and work towards bringing it to life. Make sure that the idea is in line with your core values. 
• Learn how to identify your emotions and differentiate maladaptive patterns from those that serve you. 
• Recognize the triggers for your alarm reactions and impulsive behaviors. Keep in mind that these triggers can be incredibly subtle. 
• Try to notice the difference between your alarm-driven thinking patterns and the way you make sense of things when you’re calm. 
• Think about your goals and try to see which are driven by your unregulated emotions and which come from clear and thoughtful consideration. 
• Identify which life choices serve you in the long run. Learn how to break old relationship patterns and cherish healthy boundaries. 
• Learn conflict resolution strategies and build your tolerance for managing difficult or uncomfortable feelings. 
• Start being proactive. Take action toward your goals and remind yourself that you can get there with a bit of time and effort. 
• Speak with a professional relationship coach to get insightful advice and guidance on regulating emotions and facilitating behavioral change.

Even if you feel like there’s no escaping your emotions, know that it is possible to clear your thoughts and ground yourself. With appropriate support and a bit of motivation, you can start replacing your maladaptive relationship patterns with new ones, designed to serve you and bring you closer to emotional balance. Using the right strategies can help you build a better foundation for healthy relationships as well as improve your overall well-being. 

Looking For A Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop? Call PIVOT Now

PIVOT is here to help you balance your emotions and develop strategies for clearer thinking. We bring you well-crafted coaching designed for individuals and couples, as well as a variety of relationship building skills workshops. Whether you are struggling with opening up to your partner or suffer from intense guilt in your relationship, our dedicated staff will be able to help you with expertise and kindness. 

We have the compassion, knowledge, and experience to provide you with resources and skills that will bring you closer to better relationships with your romantic partners, friends, and family. Reach out to a PIVOT advocate now and take the first step towards a happier, more meaningful life

Every relationship has its own unique ups and downs, trials and tribulations, mountains to climb and rivers to cross. Issues arise, problems get resolved, emotions deepen, grow, change, and evolve. Even partners in a close relationship go through different experiences and lead different lives, both together and apart.

However, what happens if one or both partners start experiencing anxiety in their relationship? How can you enjoy your relationship and the good times it brings if you’re constantly feeling uneasy and under pressure? And, most importantly – how can you hope to overcome it and start enjoying your relationship?

Love avoidance intensive workshops can help immensely. It can set you on the path to resolving all the uneasiness and anxiety you might be facing, and help both you and your relationship. You can also explore the potential reasons behind your relationship anxiety and methods for overcoming it before turning to professional advocates for help. 

Why Am I Uneasy About My Relationship?

The feeling of uneasiness in a relationship is common. There comes a time in many relationships when one or both partners seem to struggle. These are the times when anxiety starts seeping in, making you feel restless and dissatisfied in your relationship. At these moments, you can even start losing sight of all the good aspects of your relationship and instead focus all your attention on the heavy negative emotions you are experiencing. 

And this hits hard, extremely hard. Especially if you have, or had, few reasons to feel anxious about your relationship before. Smooth and pleasant sailing only to be greeted with a sudden perfect storm of anxiety towards your relationship and your partner? Why?

The reasons for this burst of relationship uneasiness can sometimes be sudden and unexpected. They can also be the result of long-standing growing unhappiness and emotional neglect that have culminated, making you feel this way. These are only some of the reasons behind relationship anxiety:

• Fearing your own emotional vulnerability
• A time in your life that is bringing about significant change (starting a family, retirement, etc.)
• Being exposed to negative and unhealthy family relationships when growing up
• Past wounds from lack of childhood affection from parents
• Aging
• Excessive build-up of stress
• Insufficient and improper communication with your partner
• Negative experience from previous relationships that ended in extreme emotional turmoil
• Fear of being negatively evaluated or not accepted by your partner
• Fear of your partner leaving you

What Is Relationship Anxiety?

In plain words, relationship anxiety is a prolonged feeling of constant worrying and excessive emotional negativity on your part. Relationship anxiety is not something that happens solely in bad and unhealthy relationships. It can happen even in the happiest of times. Which does not make it easier. Not at all.

Imagine having a loving and caring partner. You have understanding, emotional and physical intimacy, and everything seems to be going smoothly. Until it isn’t. You begin overthinking and worrying about different aspects of your relationship. Will these good times last? Is this really the person for me? Are they hiding a secret I don’t know?

This can further spiral out of control. Anxiety is difficult to deal with and overcome even in healthy and happy relationships. It is particularly challenging to recognize in relationships that are going through a rough patch. It’s hard, it’s physically and emotionally exhausting, and it prevents you from enjoying a good relationship, while making a bad one worse. This is relationship anxiety. 

How Do You Know If You Have Relationship Anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is, at the same time, easy and difficult to detect. Why? Because it requires a good degree of becoming introspective and recognizing how you are feeling. You also need to  be completely open and honest about yourself, and be able to take a step back, evaluate your own actions and feelings, and draw conclusions. 

Telltale signs of relationship anxiety are easy to read, understand, and detect in others. Yet, it may be extremely difficult to see in yourself. Here are some of the most common signs that you might be anxious:

• Thinking about whether or not you matter to your partner
• Constantly doubting the feelings your partner has for you 
• Worrying about your partner breaking up and leaving you
• Fostering doubts about the long-term compatibility of your relationship
• Sabotaging your relationship by
  • Picking fights without an apparent reason
  • Refusing to discuss obvious issues
  • Putting relationship boundaries to the test
• Reading too much into your partner’s actions and words
• Focusing on the bad and not paying attention to the good

How Do I Fix Relationship Anxiety?

Fixing and overcoming relationship anxiety is a complex and lengthy process. You need to be prepared to take it in stages, take it slow, and take it head on. It can be difficult, it can be emotionally draining. However, know that the end is worth the struggles. 

Qualified coaches are there to help you if you hit a rough spot, or you find yourself lingering without a solution to your anxiety. However, first try to pay attention to several things that can really help with alleviating your anxiety and getting you back on the path to healthy relationships:

• Be mindful, recognize when negative thoughts start piling up, and allow them to pass without holding on to them.
• Try to practice good and healthy communication with your partner. Use “I” statements, express your feelings, and be a good listener. 
• Try not to immediately act on your negative thoughts and feelings. Process them, think them through, and act only when you’re certain they are more than an impulse. 

PIVOT Has Created Love Avoidance Intensive Coaching That Can Help Resolve Anxiety In Your Relationship

Constantly feeling anxious and uneasy in your relationship is the complete opposite of the loving, caring, and freeing sensation you want and hope to have. That’s what makes relationship anxiety extremely difficult to deal with and successfully overcome. Everything becomes even more complicated when you take into account all the potential reasons behind it.

Sometimes, anxiety in your relationship can stem from constantly avoiding even the healthy forms of conflict, or from past traumas and problems with bonding in a relationship. On other occasions, the reasons behind your anxiety can be even more severe, such as withstanding ongoing emotional abuse from your partner. If you find yourself struggling to pinpoint the cause behind your constant feelings of unhappiness and anxiety, and if you need a way to overcome those negative and burdening emotions, turn to PIVOT. We organize individual workshops for resolving emotional issues in relationships, as well as group coaching sessions to help you overcome anxiety. We are here to give you the help and the support you need.

Opening up is very difficult for many people. Letting your guard down, allowing yourself to become vulnerable for even a second can seem like too much to handle. Why deal with the potential consequences of a negative emotional aftermath and pain? It seems a lot easier to simply remain distant and detached for some.

What about positive emotions, the lifting gorgeous feeling of sharing your deepest, innermost emotions with another person and receiving an equally open response? Is it better to walk through life protecting yourself from experiencing the bad if that also means preventing yourself from experiencing the good?

It’s not easy, we all know it. Everybody hurts, and the fear of getting hurt is real and tough to deal with. However, missing out on the beautiful moments in life can also hurt and leave behind a scent of bitter regret. That is why it’s worth trying to resolve the intimacy problems in a relationship. Let’s see how you can start. 

Why Do I Struggle To Open Up?

For some people, being open with their emotions is easy. They have the ability to freely share their deepest feelings with their close ones, without fearing emotional backlash. For others, the fear of opening up is simply too great. The potential emotional benefits of doing so vastly pale in comparison to the prospect of their feelings being used against them. They fear the pain. 

And that’s understandable. None of us want to hurt. None of us want to feel used, mistreated, and emotionally abused. We don’t want our emotions thrown back at us, warped beyond recognition. Some of us take the plunge, while others remain wary of showing their true colors to even those closest to them. 

There are many reasons for struggling to open up and fearing being emotionally manipulated after doing so. None of these reasons are easy to overcome and all of them can leave deep emotional scars in all of us.

• Fear of becoming vulnerable in front of somebody else
• There are insecurities about sharing your feelings with others and becoming emotionally available
• Past experience of your own openness being greeted with manipulation and judgement
• Detached relationships in your own family
• Harboring fear of uncovering previous emotional traumas after opening up about your feelings
• You have unfounded negative feelings about your own personality you don’t want others to see

What Does It Mean To Open Up Emotionally?

The simplest way to explain emotional openness is this – you allow people to get to know and experience the true you with all your beautiful aspects and imperfections. It means breaking down the barriers that surround you. This way, you will give others a chance to see everything you are and make yourself available for new experiences. 

And that’s exactly why becoming emotionally open can be so tough. And scary. Horrifying even. When you open up, you do so for the good and for the potentially bad. That can be rough, and no one wants to go be faced with negative emotions. However, without taking the risk, it’s difficult to experience all the beautiful things life has to offer. This is where boundaries and the choosing who you open up to matter greatly. In PIVOT, we use Relational Circle Boundaries to make it possible to begin to open up. 

Why Is It Important To Open Up To Others?

Opening up to others works both ways. You will get to share your positive and negative emotions with others, and you will also allow them to do the same with you. This helps deepen your personal relationships with both friends and your partner. 

However, what happens if you are scared to do so? What happens if you’re afraid of being vulnerable, of allowing yourself to become emotionally available to others only to hurt later on? Such thoughts are entirely normal and common. 

Some people simply find it too overwhelming to openly express their various feelings. Yet, at the same time, trying to save yourself from the potential negative consequences can also lead to negative consequences. 

Compare holding back your emotions to holding your breath. After a while, it becomes too difficult and painful. Instead, give it a shot, inhale the air, and see what happens. There are several benefits to opening up: 

• Improving your connection to others
• Understanding your own emotions better
• Boosting your emotional resilience and stamina
• Reducing stress and anxiety
• Improving your confidence
• Experiencing a greater sense of freedom
• Becoming open to new experiences

How Do You Open Up In A Relationship?

Your partner is one of the closest people to you. In a healthy relationship, they will be there for the good and the bad, the best and the worst. They will be there to pick you up when you’re down, and lift you up even further when you’re feeling good. 

Yet many of us stop ourselves from experiencing the benefits of an emotionally open relationship. We shut ourselves off even from our partners, fearing the vulnerability from doing so. 

Join PIVOT Relationship Intimacy Coaching Exercises And Start Opening Up To Others

There’s nothing easy about being unable to open up to others. To some, it may seem simple and easy to show your feelings, express your emotions, and share your inner thoughts and struggles with others. However, the matter is often a lot more complicated and difficult that it can initially look, and becoming emotionally open can be a terrifying prospect. 

The reasons behind emotional unavailability and closedness are many and varied. They can originate from excessive past emotional abuse, or they can be linked to being betrayed once or several times in your relationship. Sometimes, there is no honesty in a relationship that would facilitate open exchanges of both positive and negative emotions. 

All this can become detrimental to you and your partner, as well as your relationship. That is why PIVOT has designed both group emotional coaching workshops for resolving emotional issues, as well as individual coaching retreats that can help with trying to open up and resolve underlying issues. Our experienced advocates are here to help you resolve the problems you have and start enjoying the freedom of emotions. 

Most people feel guilty from time to time. You may feel guilt because you feel like you’ve done something wrong. Or you may even feel guilt for having a thought. Or, you may feel guilt when your thoughts and behaviors don’t match the expectations of your family or culture. The ways we experience and respond to guilt can vary greatly, as not everyone processes their emotions in the same way. 

However negative your associations with feelings of guilt may be, its purpose can actually be quite positive. Look at it this way: if an action causes you to feel negative emotions or has a negative consequence, you’ll probably feel guilty later on. This is your mind’s way of informing you that what you did was “wrong”, at least by your own standards. Essentially, guilt serves an important role in helping you make morally sound decisions. 

Unfortunately, guilt can turn excessive and cause a variety of obsessive or depressive tendencies that can damage your overall well-being and your relationships. If you experience excessive guilt on a regular basis, you may want to start by understanding the reasons why and devising ways to cope. 

Fortunately, there are numerous ways that you can minimize the effects of guilt, including sessions with a relationship coach, healthy relationship workshop activities, honest communication, and self-reflection. In the meantime, read on to learn more about guilt. 

What Causes Feelings Of Guilt?

Guilt can creep up on you for a whole range of reasons, some of which are perfectly rational. Others, not so much. 

Rational Guilt 

Rational guilt arises when you feel like you’ve done something wrong, that is, you’ve violated your own values and are going against your moral compass. For example, you may feel guilt because you have: 

• Hurt someone. 
• Cheated. 
• Lied. 
• Otherwise broken your own moral code. 

This form of guilt helps you regulate your social behavior and keep you on the right track toward achieving your goals. Nevertheless, even rational guilt can eat away at you, especially if you struggle with changing your behaviors. 

Irrational Guilt 

Irrational guilt is a different animal. It tends to come from our “shoulds”, that is, the rules we impose on ourselves. For instance, you may feel irrational guilt for: 

• Mistakenly assuming responsibility for other people’s feelings and behaviors. 
• Feeling like you are a burden to your loved ones. 
• Feeling like you haven’t done enough to make people happy. 
• Feeling like you’re not doing anything meaningful in your life. 

Of course, these are just a couple of examples of irrational guilt. You may feel guilt for a wide variety of different reasons unique to you. However, no matter the cause, irrational guilt can impact your mood, reduce your productivity and concentration, damage your relationships and actions in numerous ways. 

The difficult thing about irrational guilt is that it can easily disguise itself as rational guilt. After all, who says that it’s irrational to feel guilty about not spending enough time with your family? Or to feel guilty because you’re not taking enough opportunities in your life because of your perceived laziness? The thing is, this sort of reasoning often comes from an underlying anxiety or thoughts that you imported without reflection. If left to linger, irrational guilt can nag at you, regardless of what you actually do. In a sense, it tends to become even more irrational over time. 

What Are The Signs Of Guilt?

Guilt can result in a variety of physical, social, and emotional symptoms that influence your daily actions. Some of these may include the following: 

• Sleep disturbances
• Stomach and digestion problems 
• Muscle tension
• Heightened sensitivity to the effects of your actions
• Feeling overwhelmed by decision making 
• An extreme tendency to put others’ needs before your own 
• Impaired self-esteem 
• A persistent tendency to avoid uncomfortable emotions 

How Guilt Can Ruin A Relationship

Excessive guilt can have a detrimental effect on your romantic relationships. Ask yourself how many things in your life do you do out of guilt and obligation? Or out of fear that you may be losing your partner?  

You may go along with what your partner wants (or what you think they want) because you fear they may find someone better and leave you. Or you might fear being judged by your partner’s family and friends, so you try to impress them. As you can see, guilt and fear often go hand in hand. Together, they may cause feelings of uneasiness in your relationship, make it harder for you to open up, and cause feelings of resentment.

Evaluate the ways in which you respond to feelings of guilt – you may find that it controls your life far more than you thought, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. 

How Do You Deal With Guilt In A Relationship?

It can be quite hard to let go of persistent relationship patterns, especially when they are fueled by guilt. Still, you can learn to handle excessive guilt and overcome its effects. Here are some guidelines: 

• Develop better self-regulation skills and take action if you feel that your guilt is justified. 
• Practice mindfulness and meditation to put your guilt into perspective. 
• Don’t be too hard on yourself and learn forgiveness. 
• Learn from your guilt and your mistakes. 
• Keep your perfectionism in check and remember that your perspective may be skewed by your high expectations. 
• Speak with a relationship coach and discuss your guilt in depth to gain a new perspective. 

Visit A PIVOT Couple Workshop For Deepening Your Relationship

Whether you are dealing with rational or irrational feelings of guilt, speaking with a knowledgeable and compassionate relationship coach can be of great help. At PIVOT, we are dedicated to helping you and others like you develop a healthy relationship with emotions and facilitate positive behavioral change. 

Whether you opt for our individual coaching sessions or attend any of our intensive relationship workshops and retreats, we can provide you with invaluable tools and resources to help you on your journey towards becoming a healthy adult. Contact PIVOT now to learn more. 

Do you find yourself repeating the same frustrating patterns in your relationships, over and over again? 

Have some of your romantic relationships been dysfunctional in a similar way? And have they been eerily similar to your childhood relationships? 

If this resonates, don’t worry. Humans are habit-driven beings who go with what’s familiar, and relationships are no exception. And patterns that we witness or learn in childhood are some of the most familiar and more impactful as a result. 

It doesn’t make sense to repeat the patterns that once hurt you, does it? Why would someone who experienced emotional abuse want to go through it again? 

Well, it’s complicated, of course. To help shed some light, we will discuss why we repeat patterns, how to break them, and how speaking with a relationship coach may help. Read on. 

Do People Repeat Patterns In Relationships?

Yes, they do. Although the repeated behaviors don’t have to be dysfunctional, most people learn many of their behaviors from their parents and caregivers. These behaviors are often habitual and automatic, which can make changing them particularly difficult, and sometimes virtually impossible. 

In addition to learning behaviors from your parents or caregivers, you can also pick up unhealthy patterns in your romantic relationships in adolescence and adulthood. Unfortunately, the impact of such behavioral patterns is often heightened if the relationship is abusive or otherwise emotionally challenging.  

What Is An Example Of A Dysfunctional Relationship Pattern? 

In a sense, there may be as many dysfunctional relationship patterns as there are people. Still, here are some examples that may ring true: 

• Individuals with overbearing parents have deep fears of commitment.
• Kids with emotionally distant parents are emotionally distant themselves however they can cling on to unavailable people.
• People who were in a codependent relationship end up in another codependent relationship.
• People with erratic or moody family members are drawn to similar people in their adult relationships. 
• Anxious individuals with avoidant parents are drawn to avoidant partners, too 

The list goes on and on. You can probably imagine a variety of similar scenarios yourself. And it seems that most of them indicate the same thing – we repeat behaviors learned in childhood. 

Why Do People Repeat Relationship Patterns?

Numerous factors can cause us to repeat unhealthy or destructive patterns of behavior. Here are some examples: 

• You repeat what is familiar to you regardless of merit. People tend to repeat familiar subconscious and conscious behaviors because they know what to expect from them. This is true for many other things in life, as well. It’s often easier to choose the familiar over the unknown. 
• You repeat what you learned. The behavioral patterns, beliefs, and coping mechanisms you learned in childhood probably have a significant impact on your behavior in adulthood. Since they are so ingrained in your psyche, they can be incredibly hard to change. Beliefs, behavior, what’s “right” etc. 
• You unconsciously repeat traumatic experiences. While it may seem counterintuitive, people who felt unloved, rejected, or hurt in childhood may recreate the traumatic experiences in adulthood. This may be an unconscious effort to master the experience and accept it. Unfortunately, this often means simply that you end up in similarly dysfunctional relationships without managing to change a thing. 
• You sabotage yourself because you think you deserve it. Traumatized children often grow up thinking that they deserve punishment. They may be told that they are the reason why their family is so dysfunctional or they may be blamed in a less direct manner and internalize the shame. As a result, they may seek emotionally painful relationships in adulthood as punishment. 

How Do You Break Old Relationship Patterns?

If you have identified dysfunctional patterns in your romantic relationship, it may be time to take the first step towards breaking them. By exploring your past and its effects on your present, you can learn to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you. Try the following steps: 

Speak With A Remote Relationship Coach Now 

Do you need help uncovering unhealthy relationship patterns? Or are you struggling to overcome feelings of guilt? Contact PIVOT today and let us help you understand the complexities of attachment and begin transforming your relationships. We offer a wide range of relationship workshops for couples and singles, all designed to help you heal and work on becoming a healthier, happier adult. Contact us now. 

Have you ever wondered how some people manage to resist their temptations so easily while others struggle? Or how someone can remain calm in an emotionally tense situation? 

Issues with discipline, healthy emotional expression, impulse control, and delaying gratification can all be linked to one skill: self-regulation. 

In the most basic sense, self-regulation means controlling your behavior, thoughts, and emotions to achieve long-term goals. It helps you manage strong and disruptive impulses and emotions. Self-regulation is also what allows you to act consistently with your deeply held values and pick yourself up after a disappointment. 

If you are struggling with regulating your emotions, maintaining healthy connections with others, and achieving your goals, speaking with a relationship coach may help. In the meantime, read on to learn more about self-regulation and how you can learn this vital skill. 

What Is Self-Regulation Behavior?

Self-regulation can be understood as your ability to manage your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts to boost your well-being, maintain loving relationships, and facilitate learning. It is how you deal with stressful situations in your life. How you achieve your goals and lay the foundation for long-term success. Self-regulation requires self-awareness, effective stress management, emotional intelligence, sustaining focus, and overcoming temptations. 

How you self regulate in your adulthood is directly related to your childhood experiences. As a toddler, you probably threw a tantrum or two. Ideally, kids learn to tolerate strong emotions and grow into adults who can control their impulses. 

Unfortunately, not all children receive the same level of affection and support. If you struggle with keeping your emotions in check now, it is likely that one or more of your needs were not met when you were growing up. And there’s no shame in that. By learning effective self-regulation strategies, you can develop the ability to face social, cognitive, and emotional threats with thoughtfulness and patience. 

What Is An Example Of Self-Regulation?

If you can effectively self regulate, you’ll be able to understand and adequately manage your behavior and emotional reactions. Here are some more specific examples: 

• You are able to regulate reactions to strong or uncomfortable emotions such as excitement and frustration. 
• You can calm down after a distressing or exciting situation. 
• You are able to focus on a task as well as start new tasks.
• You can control your impulses.
• You can manage your emotions in a way that helps you connect with others.

What Are The Benefits Of Self-Regulation?

How does this improve your everyday life? Actually, in a number of ways. You can: 

• Improve your self-esteem and confidence 
•  Capable of handling frustration and stress more often
• Keep your anger in check 
• Express yourself authentically and thoughtfully 
• Act in accordance with your deepest values
• Be more effective at achieving academic and professional success 
• Bounce back from failure more easily 
• Overcome anxious attachment patterns 
• Stay calm under pressure 
• Learn to cope with arguments in your relationships 
• Establish and maintain healthier bonds with family, romantic partners, and friends 

All of these skills can boost your overall well being and help you achieve balance in your personal relationships. Self-regulation is a step toward healing your inner wound. It’s a step to becoming a confident, healthy adult who relies on thoughtful compassion to create lasting bonds with others and achieve their long-term goals. 

Can Self-Regulation Improve My Relationship? 

What if you can’t regulate your emotions effectively in a relationship with a partner? You may be likely to struggle with an array of potentially damaging behaviors. You might be prone to denial and avoidance. You may have a tendency to withdraw from conflict and distance yourself from your partner. Or you might isolate yourself to avoid stress or rejection. While these are all normal behaviors in some situations, they can damage your relationship over time and make it difficult to maintain intimacy and set healthy boundaries. 

Effective self-regulation can help you communicate with your partner honestly and openly. It can also help you build trust and intimacy, as well as learn how to effectively deal with conflict. If you can manage your emotions and impulses, you’ll find it easier to be vulnerable and maintain a relationship based on integrity, openness, and trust. 

How Do You Develop Self-Regulation?

In addition to learning better self-regulation skills, you can also get support from a knowledgeable and compassionate professional. Speaking with a relationship coach can help you improve these skills and build and maintain healthy relationships.

Speak With A Compassionate Remote Relationship Coach Today

At PIVOT, we strive to help couples and individuals develop healthy mechanisms for managing emotions and facilitating positive behavioral change. Do your emotions get the best of you? Does struggle maintaining lasting bonds sometimes seem impossible? Joining our carefully designed and tailored workshops can be a great first step to meaningful change. 

We are here for you, ready to offer insightful guidance and support on your path to achieving emotional wellbeing. Our team is experienced in helping individuals like you embrace their worth and overcome relational wounds. Contact us now to learn more about our modules and take the first step towards healing. 

No child grows up in a vacuum. Whether directly or indirectly, parents and caregivers influence the values and beliefs of their children. Your parents, for example, may have taught you directly what they believed was right or wrong. They may have also set an example for you on how to interact with others. What you learn from your parents and how you interact with them during childhood has a major impact on your own moral development. 

However, what if the values your parents instilled no longer match who you are as an adult? 

It is very common for children to grow up and develop different moral values and views than those of their parents. You might disagree with your parents on politics and religion. You may also have a different view on what a healthy family is. 

No matter the specific disagreements, getting along with your parents when you don’t share the same values can be challenging. Yet, it is possible to have a meaningful relationship with your family, and attending a relationship building skills workshop can be of great help in that. Keep on reading to find out how family can shape your values and what you can do if you don’t share their morals. 

How Does Your Family Affect Your Values?

Your family can mold your personality and values in a variety of subtle and direct ways. From teaching you what’s good and bad, right and wrong, to helping you develop relationships with your peers. However, their impact on your values doesn’t necessarily have to be positive or congruent with who you grow up to be. You may find that you no longer agree with your parents on things that matter to you and to them, such as religion, sexuality, or politics. 

The problem is, the ways of feeling, thinking, acting, and judging we learn in childhood often stay with us throughout our lives. And even if you try and reject your family’s influence on your values, you’ll often find that it’s harder than it seems. The morals, behaviors, and attitudes acquired in childhood are difficult to shake off, and it’s quite normal to keep reflecting your parents’ ways of thinking and behaving for quite some time. 

What If I Don’t Share Values With My Family?

Do you dread family gatherings? The dinner-table discussions that seem to end up in emotional arguments? Or are you tired of getting unsolicited advice from your family members on how you should live your life? 

Situations such as these can greatly affect the relationship you have with your family members. Even an innocent conversation can go downhill quickly if one of the more deeply held values is challenged on either side. This can lead to strained relationships, fewer gatherings, or even severing of the relationship if no common ground can be found. 

However, do you have to distance yourself from your family if they have different ethical standards? While having different values can put a serious strain on your family relationships, it doesn’t mean that you can’t make an effort to keep things in check. There are ways in which you can overcome the challenge of having different values than your family. However, not all families are the same. For some, their values may be so deeply ingrained and important that they would risk severing ties with their kids or siblings. 

How Do You Deal With Parents With Different Values?

If you don’t share all of your values with your parents, it is important to try and separate them as people from their opinions and beliefs. While it may be near impossible to keep your cool in some situations and uncomfortable moments, you can strive to stay calm and avoid personal attacks when trying to maintain a healthy relationship with your loved ones. Here are some tips: 

• Start by being honest. Being completely honest with your parents can be scary, no matter your age. Still, being straightforward and open about your values and beliefs can help maintain a relationship built on trust and respect.
• Listen to what your parents and siblings have to say. It might feel impossible to step back and listen when you’re angry. Still, allowing your parents to speak and say their piece and really listening to them can foster mutual respect. 
• Try to show them your perspective without trying to change their minds. People get defensive when their values are challenged. This may make them inflexible, judgmental, and unwilling to listen. Try showing them that your intention is not to change their mind, yet simply to share your view. 
• Ask them to respect your beliefs. There’s no shame in asking for respect back if you are making an effort to show respect yourself. Ask your family to at least respect your values, even if they disagree with them. 
• Consider avoiding some topics altogether. Sometimes, the most effective strategy for minimizing conflict and salvaging relationships is to avoid certain contentious topics completely. 

How Do I Overcome My Family’s Values And Create My Own Legacy? 

Unfortunately, not all relationships can be saved. Your family’s values, beliefs, and behaviors may be too hurtful or hateful that it might feel impossible to reconcile. While this may be incredibly difficult, it may be better for both parties to maintain some form of distance if mutual respect isn’t possible. This may mean setting strong boundaries or temporarily or permanently severing ties with the family members who are unwilling to nurture a healthy relationship.  

Ultimately, your values are your own, and you can work on creating your own legacy without guilt or fear. Appreciate what your family has taught you and provided you with, however, walk your own unique path. 

Do You Want To Build Trust In A Relationship? Attend A PIVOT Workshop And Learn How! 

In many cases, healthy communication skills and investing effort in building honesty and respect can salvage strained family relationships. At PIVOT, we can help you build trust and respect with your family members without sacrificing your own values. Our individual coaching sessions can give you useful resources on practicing better self-regulation skills and healing your attachment wounds. Contact us now to find out more about our unique relationship building skills workshops and start facilitating positive behavioral change.