Author: Lori Jean Glass

If you’re just starting a new relationship, it’s normal to not be completely open immediately. However, as time passes, not being able to let your partner see your emotions and not allowing them to come close to you can trigger feelings of emotional neglect. It hurts to be ignored, and if you want to be in a loving and caring relationship, you need to be prepared to provide emotional support to your partner.

The only way to show your partner that you care for them is to allow yourself to start letting your emotions out. Everybody enjoys small displays of affection and it feels good to be loved and to not constantly feel rejected by your romantic partner.

In order to be able to do that, you need to learn how to overcome your fear of commitment, build intimacy in a relationship, and let your guard down. 

What Does It Mean To Be A Private Person?

When you’re a private person, you tend to keep to yourself. This has nothing to do with being an introvert, although people tend to use the two terms interchangeably. People who are private tend to keep a closed lid on what goes on in their lives.

And it’s completely normal, sometimes even encouraged, to keep some details about yourself and your life to yourself. Being private is not necessarily a bad thing, nor should it be. Different social contexts demand different modes of behavior. 

For example, oversharing about your personal life with your colleagues can be a workplace faux pas. It can hurt your professional relationships, impact your advancement opportunities, and overall affect your career in a negative way. It doesn’t have to, but it can.

Knowing Where The Line Is

But remaining private in your personal and romantic life can be a bad way to function with people close to you. Hiding your feelings, not discussing important matters concerning you and your friends, family, or partner can lead to those close to you feeling emotionally neglected.

If that happens, it may be difficult to open up again, in which case you can try seeking help from qualified coaches.

And that is what it means to be a private person. On the one hand, being private is normal, depending on the social circumstances, while, on the other hand, it can start creating problems in your private life. Sometimes, you need to open up to people who care about you. Discerning who the people are you can trust to discuss what is private to you can be done by completing the Relational Circle Boundary PIVOT module with a certified coach. 

What Is The Difference Between Private And Secretive?

Being Private

Being private means keeping your values, feelings, and beliefs away from public view. It involves keeping our daydreams and fantasies away from the rest of the unfamiliar world. The matters you consider private will, once shared, provide an insight into your personality. 

Unless you become overly private in your emotional life, there’s no need to fear your private nature affecting your life negatively.

Being Secretive 

On the other hand, being secretive involves an act of having to hide things from people close to you. Secrecy goes beyond privacy. While secrets are often private, very few private matters are actually secretive.

Keeping matters private means that you choose to bring up certain boundaries involving your private life and to not allow everybody inside them. Keeping matters secret means that you’re proposal hiding something from fear of it negatively impacting you and your life. 

How Do I Let My Guard Down?

When you’re a private person and you’re entering a new relationship, it’s not easy to open up to another person and let your guard drop. The fear of being hurt can be too large, and old habits die hard in this instance.

However, allowing yourself to become more open and trusting in a relationship can yield many beautiful moments. Sometimes, you need to talk to a qualified advocate to help you improve your romantic life. But, before that, there are a couple of things you can try.

• Share a happy memory from your past with your partner.
• Talk about your beliefs and values, and about other things you feel strongly about. 
• Reveal a single thing that makes you scared.
• Allow your partner to share something about themselves while you simply listen.
• Realize that every person and every relationship is different.
• Accept the fact that you’re not always going to know why you feel the way you feel.
• Allow yourself to validate your feelings.
• Do not place any blame on your partner and yourself. 
• Communicate even when it gets hard.
• Try to be patient with yourself and your partner.
• Don’t be afraid to open up.
• Try to live in the now and not fear the consequences.

How Do You Tell Your Partner How You Feel?

Part of opening up to your romantic partner is sharing your feelings with them. If you’re a private person, this can be a daunting task. Sharing feelings means you’ll be leaving yourself vulnerable. This is in no way a bad thing, as it allows others to get to know you better. But, when you’re private, it can be challenging. 

Trained emotional advocates can greatly help you in this respect. They are qualified for helping you deal with your emotions, and they will assist you in opening up to other people. But, before that, try some of the following techniques for sharing your feelings.

• There are no wrong feelings. Behavior that stems from those feelings can be inappropriate, such as becoming aggressive when angry, but you should accept how you feel and start there. Name the feeling without the expectation that your partner is somehow supposed to fix it. 
• Try your best to explain your feelings to your partner. Help your partner understand what you’re going through by being as open and as detailed as possible.
• Be aware that sharing your feelings, especially if you’re not used to doing so, can be quite difficult in the beginning. 
• Do not share just the surface feelings. Try to dig deeper and tell your partner about what’s really going on deep inside.
• Don’t judge your partner’s feelings when they share them. Be as open to them as you’re expecting them to be open to you.
• Use “I feel” instead of “I think” whenever you can. This will help your partner know that you’re talking about feelings, and not just projections.
• Be as direct and as open as possible, without being brash. Being sincere with your partner will make them feel you value them and their opinion.

How To Be More Honest With Your Partner?

Once you manage to share your feelings, it’s time to work on you and your partner’s mutual honesty toward each other. An honest relationship is a relationship that lasts, and there are things you can do to make your relationship more honest.

• Never forget that you and your partner are on the same team and that you need to work together, not against each other.
• Do not blame or attack your partner. This will make them close up and stop being as honest as they used to be for fear of how you’ll react. 
• Be ready to hear what your partner has to say as well. Sometimes, it’s not easy hearing the truth.
• Chat about everyday occurrences and always be completely honest about your day.
• Reserve some patience for both yourself and your partner.
• If you’ve made mistakes, own up to them. Don’t just point out what your partner did wrong without admitting your own mistakes. 
• Discuss your problems with your partner as openly and as honestly as possible.
• Open up about your flaws and accept your partner’s flaws as well.
• Show your partner that you love them even when you’re not seeing eye to eye on something.

And, if all else fails, you can attempt to build trust in a relationship workshop. Talking to a qualified advocate can go a long way toward helping you and your partner overcome your issues and becoming more honest with each other.

Who Can Help Me Build Intimacy And Trust In My Relationship?

Going from private to open in a relationship is a big task. Although it can be extremely hard in the beginning, it can give you great rewards down the road. At PIVOT, we know just how difficult and rewarding letting your guard down can be, which is why we offer you an opportunity to work with qualified relationship advocates who can help you find happiness with your partner.

Depending on your needs, we can help you overcome your fear of opening up with individual coaching, or you can attend our intensive relationship workshops and retreats. We want you to enjoy your life to the fullest. Reach out to a PIVOT advocate today!

All of us want and need to feel accepted, loved, and cared for. It is one of the basic psychological necessities of human existence that start in childhood, and follow us to and through adulthood. 

That is why experiencing any type and extent of emotional neglect, and the fear of suffering emotional abandonment is harsh and destabilizing. And why even being ignored by the person you care for hurts. 

If you’re currently undergoing mental strain due to one or several of these psychological issues, perhaps you should think about attending a love addiction intensive workshop where you can work on easing, accepting and overcoming the pain of rejection. Learning about the minutiae of emotional rejection and how it can negatively affect your life if left uncared for is the first step in enhancing your emotional well-being. .

Why Is Rejection So Hard?

Rejection is an act of being willfully pushed away from a person you care about. You can experience rejection from a partner, family members, coworkers, or friends, and no matter who  rejects you, it can still cause emotional pain and distress. 

In some relationships, emotional rejection may be a logical continuation of extended periods of emotional manipulation. However, not everybody will clearly communicate the reasons for rejecting you, and it is not uncommon that you remain out of the loop when it comes to the underlying cause. 

This is why rejection can be extremely hard, especially when you’re left without any kind of explanation. At other times, it is the intensity of the ended relationship that intensifies the pain. Whatever the type of rejection you’re experiencing, chances are that it may lead to emotional distress, negative effects on your self-esteem, and even, in some cases, depression.

The 3 Types Of Rejection

There are three main types of rejection, each with its own set of emotional encumbrances and psychological hardships. No matter the kind of rejection you’re going through, it is always wise to seek help if you’re struggling to overcome and accept the situation.

1. Familial rejection – This type of rejection most commonly involves parental rejection, but it can also mean that you’re being rejected by your sibling. It can include different types of emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or the lack of affection and love. This kind of emotional rejection can leave individuals dealing with the consequences throughout their lives. 
2. Social rejection – Most often, individuals suffer this form of rejection very early in their childhood. It can range from school alienation to numerous kinds of bullying. However, it can extend beyond childhood into adulthood, and various social groups. The individuals who tend to challenge the norm are more prone to this type of rejection. 
3. Relationship rejection – This type of rejection is mostly reserved for romantic relationships. It can range from your partner refusing to share an experience with you to actually ending the relationship. This is the type of rejection that usually causes immediate and intense emotional distress. In these cases, intensive coaching sessions can be highly beneficial.

What Does Rejection Do To A Person?

Why Does Rejection Cause Obsession?

On the one hand, even the fear of being rejected by an individual you care for, either romantically or in a different way, can lead to us developing clingy and obsessive behavioral patterns.

On the other hand, there’s also a biological explanation as to why rejection may cause obsessive behavior. Romantic rejection stimulates the same parts of our brain that are in charge of keeping us motivated.

Also, it affects the parts of our brain associated with addiction, rewards, and cravings. This is the biological explanation of why, when a person romantically rejects you, you tend to develop feelings of obsessive devotion.

However, there are multiple ways to explain this obsessive psychological trend. For instance, you may think it’s your fault, and you’re trying to make up for your mistakes. Perhaps you think the person’s still the perfect one for you. Whatever the reasons, it’s not uncommon for rejection to have obsessive ramifications.

How Do You Deal With Rejection In A Relationship?

There are ways to deal with emotional rejection in a healthy, constructive way. Sometimes your attempts to overcome love addiction won’t amount to much without seeking help from qualified relationship advocates. However, this should not stop you from trying to employ the following techniques:

Come To Terms With Rejection In Our Love Addiction Intensive Workshop

Emotional rejection may be an ongoing issue even between long-term partners, without leading to a break-up, but with highly damaging consequences. If you feel like the time for getting help, consider turning to professionals. 

At PIVOT, we provide various intensive love addiction workshops for couples, and we can also teach you plenty of methods to help you recognize and enhance emotional intimacy in your future relationships through individual coaching with our advocates. 

No need to deal with such a flood of emotions all alone. Reach out to our seasoned PIVOT advocates as soon as possible and be quickly on your way to a happy continuation of your life. Contact us today!

Every child has basic emotional needs that should be fulfilled by their parents or caregivers. If that is not the case, the child may grow up carrying a deep emotional wound within them that might adversely affect their self-esteem and relationships later on in life. 

Emotional neglect comes in many shapes and forms that can have varying effects on your adult life. For instance, you may struggle with emotional intimacy issues, intense fear of abandonment, or have trouble dealing with rejection in your relationships because of the attachment patterns you’ve known since childhood. 

No matter what your core emotional wound may be, remember that you can heal and have healthy and happy relationships in your life. All it takes is a little bit of self-reflection and a lot of patience. Read on to learn more about emotional neglect and you can overcome it. 

What Are The 4 Types Of Neglect?

Although childhood neglect covers a wide range of behaviors, there are four main types you may be able to recognize. These are: 

• Physical neglect: this type of neglect occurs when the parent or caregiver fails to provide the child with basic care and necessities, like clothing, shelter, and food. It may also include leaving your children alone for long time periods. 
• Emotional neglect: a child who is emotionally neglected may feel rejected, ignored, isolated, or threatened by their caregivers or parents. The child may be denied attention, support, or another form of emotional care they need to live a fulfilling life. 
• Educational neglect: some parents don’t give their children adequate educational opportunities, They may stop the child from going to school, insist on homeschooling them but failing to do so, and so on. 
• Medical neglect: this form of neglect happens when the parent fails to provide proper healthcare for the child, despite being financially or circumstantially able to do so. This can lead to the child experiencing serious health issues, both in childhood and later in life. 

What Is Considered Emotional Neglect?

In a nutshell, emotional neglect happens when a child’s parents or caregivers fail to meet the child’s basic emotional needs. While the effects of emotional neglect can overlap with the effects of emotional abuse, these two terms are not interchangeable. 

The main difference here is that emotional abuse tends to be intentional, while neglect does not have to be. For instance, a parent may fail to notice and respond to some of their child’s emotional needs, while being able to provide other forms of support. 

What Causes Emotional Neglect?

Unfortunately, many parents and caregivers are unable to provide their children with adequate care because of their own emotional or psychological issues. If you feel like you have been the victim of emotional neglect, know that your parents may have tried their best to meet your emotional needs, but they failed because they simply didn’t know better. 

Nevertheless, knowing why emotional neglect happened may help you heal from it and create healthier relationships in your adult life, as well as be a better parent to your own children. 

How Does Emotional Neglect Affect Relationships?

How Do You Deal With Emotional Neglect?

However pervasive or damaging the effects of your emotional neglect may be, know that you can overcome your emotional wounds and create healthier relationships. Here are some helpful tips: 

PIVOT Emotional Intimacy Coaching: Your Key To A Happy Life

Are you ready to start working on your emotional wellbeing and creating better relationships? Let the insightful PIVOT advocates help. We are here to offer you the resources and tools you need to overcome emotional neglect and realize your vast potential. 

Our expert emotional intimacy coaching and intensive workshops are designed to help you heal from emotional neglect and abuse and facilitate positive behavioral change. Contact PIVOT today and make the best decision for your emotional health. 

Power and control are often present in most relationships, even if we may not be always aware of their influence. The need to control and exert power over other people and the environment is a natural human instinct. Unfortunately, the balance of power in relationships is frequently disrupted, with one partner feeling helpless and powerless next to the other. 

Power imbalances in relationships are incredibly common, especially among couples who suffer from emotional intimacy issues, attachment wounds, and various mental health problems stemming from childhood, adolescence, and/or adult life trauma. 

If you can’t strike a healthy balance of power and control with your partner, you’ve come to the right place. In this article, we will shed light on some frequently utilized abusive tactics and see how they are used to exert power and control. Read on. 

Is Power And Control The Same Thing?

Power and control typically go hand in hand. Because these two concepts are often so closely related, most of us rarely stop to think about the difference between them. But are power and control really the same? 

When you have power, you are able to make something happen, that is, when you have power, you tend to have control. However, it is often those without power that feel the need to control their environment and other people. 

With this in mind, individuals who are in power, or better yet, who feel empowered don’t feel the urge to control as their basic needs are already met. On the other hand, if you feel a strong need to control, it is very likely that there is something missing from your life, and you should look inside rather than outside if you want to find balance in your life. 

What Is Power And Control In Relationships?

A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect between the two partners. Neither one of them should exert too much power over the other, and both of them should have a say when making decisions. Unfortunately, such a healthy balance of power is not always present in relationships. 

The Causes Of Power Imbalances In Relationships

Due to deeply rooted insecurities and childhood wounds, many individuals tend to feel helpless and powerless in their lives, often willingly giving up their power to others. This is quite understandable – if you have felt worthless and incapable of making decisions all your life, it is only natural that you will seek out somebody else to fill the void. 

This often happens in codependent relationships, where one partner wields substantial power over the other and often engages in abusive or narcissistic behaviors. The codependent partner feels entirely reliant on the “abuser” for their sense of worth and identity. Such an imbalance of power can result in a wide array of conflicting emotions for the codependent, including an intense sense of anxiety and fear, grief, anger, shame, and guilt. 

What Is The Power And Control Wheel?

The Power and Control Wheel, otherwise known as the Duluth Model, is a tool used in the field of domestic violence to identify and understand the manipulation and control tactics abusers employ to exert power and control over their victims. The wheel has Power and Control at its center with the following abusive tactics surrounding it: 

• Sexual and physical violence forming the outer ring of the wheel: all the other abusive tactics work alongside these forms of violence in order to exert control over the victim. 
• Threats and coercion: the abusive partner makes and sometimes carries out threats. They may threaten to leave the victim, commit suicide, or speak up to their friends and family about the relationship. 
• Intimidation: the abuser strives to instill fear in the victim through acts of physical violence or other intimidating gestures. 
• Economic abuse: the goal is to make the victim completely dependent on the abuser for financial support. This may involve withholding money from the victim, sabotaging their job opportunities, and so on.
• Emotional abuse: the abusive partner may put the victim down, invalidate their feelings, or resort to gaslighting in order to confuse and exert control. Other emotional abuse tactics include love bombing, the silent treatment, and other mind games. 
• Male privilege: in cases where the abuser is male and the victim female, the abuser can make use of male privilege to control the victim. He may be the only one to make important decisions or treat the victim like his servant. 
• Children: the abusive partner may make the victim feel guilty for not taking good enough care of the children and threaten to take them away, which can be an extremely effective manipulation tactic. 
• Blaming and denying: it is very common for abusers to try and shift responsibility and blame for the abuse on the victim. They may also laugh off the abuse allegations and pretend the abuse never happened. 
• Isolation: with the aim to make the victim completely dependent on them, the abuser will control and limit the actions of the victim, separating them from their friends, family, and other sources of support. 

If you feel like these abuse tactics are present in your own relationship, it is essential that you understand that overcoming your emotional wounds and finding strength inside yourself, instead of relying on others for validation, is entirely possible. Contacting a professional relationship coach may be just what you need to take that first step which can also point you in the right direction if you need a higher level of care. 

Find Your Power In Our Codependent Relationship Retreat

At PIVOT, we understand how hard it can be to break the bubble of codependency and start looking for your own power and strength. That is why we work hard to provide individuals and couples with the tools they need to heal their attachment wounds and create balance in their relationships. 

If you wish to take back control of your life, then contact PIVOT. We offer experience and expertise-based relationship coaching for individuals, as well as a wide array of intensive codependency workshops and retreats you can choose from. Reach out to PIVOT Advocates today and start working on creating a stronger, happier you.

Lavish affection and adoration are probably not the first thing that comes to mind when you think about narcissistic abuse. You are more likely to remember some of the more frequently talked about manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, playing the victim, humiliation, and other power and control mind games.  

But did you know that one of the favorite narcissistic weapons involves the use of overwhelming flattery and attention? This is known as love bombing, an incredibly effective form of manipulation that pulls you in with promises of exhilarating romance and spits you out feeling dazed, confused, and betrayed. 

If you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse, know that you are not alone. You can find the resources and support you need in one of the many relationship coaching retreats designed for individuals dealing with anxiety in romantic relationships and other emotional struggles. 

Read on to find out more about love bombing and learn to recognize the warning signs. 

What Is Love Bombing In Dating?

As the name suggests, love bombing entails overwhelming someone, or rather “bombing” them with excessive signs of affection and attraction. This may include a combination of leaving love notes, flattering comments, sending flowers, and many other tokens of affection. The narcissist will shower you with romantic gestures, increasing their intensity and frequency until you feel like you’re on top of the world and ready to relinquish all sense of control to them and nobody else. 

Narcissistic Supply: What Causes Love Bombing? 

Individuals who employ love bombing techniques tend to suffer from a lack of confidence and a deep feeling of insecurity. Their low self-esteem pushes them to seek constant validation and reassurance, known as narcissistic supply. Unfortunately, nothing is ever enough to satisfy their need for approval and fill the void inside of them. 

Behind their air of confidence and importance, love bombers feel deep down that they are unlovable, undesirable, and unworthy. In order to feel valuable, they resort to love bombing with the aim to give their ego a much-needed boost and fulfill their needs for power and control. 

What Is The Purpose Of Love Bombing?

Being showered with affection can be highly intoxicating. The overwhelming positive attention hijacks your dopamine systems, keeping you focused on the source of the love bomb, wanting more. The love bomber will keep you tethered, giving you a taste of what’s to come and then pulling back. This will make you vulnerable to their wide arsenal of manipulation tactics, as long as you continue meeting their needs for narcissistic supply.  

What Does Love Bombing Look Like?

Just like many other manipulation techniques, love bombing can be quite sneaky and inconspicuous. It often overlaps with some characteristics of obsessive love, and may easily slip under your radar as nothing more than a genuine expression of intense attraction. While you should keep in mind that not everybody who love bombs is automatically a narcissist, it is definitely useful to know how to spot the different forms that this type of manipulation can take. 

How To Recognize Love Bombing

If you suspect that you may have been a victim of love bombing, look out for the following red flags:  

• They shower you with gifts: flowers, love notes, expensive vacations, the list goes on. The love bomber will take every opportunity to profess their undying love, even at the most inappropriate of times. 
• Compliments galore: we all love compliments, until they go too far. The narcissist will start complimenting you immediately and intensely and they won’t stop until you’re stuck deep in their web. 
• Endless calls and texts: while it is perfectly normal to want to communicate with your love interest 24/7 when you first start dating, a love bomber may take things to another level. They will call or text you every hour of every day, bombarding you with praise. 
• They seek your undivided attention: the narcissist may become angry if you spend time with other people. They will do everything in their power to have your complete focus on them alone, disregarding your boundaries entirely. 
• They rush into commitment: if your love interest starts talking about moving in together, getting married, or having kids together after dating you for a very short time, there’s a serious possibility that they are love bombing you. 
• They call you their soulmate: you and the love bomber are made to be together, it’s written in the stars. They will try to convince you of this in many ways, making you feel special and loved. 
• You feel guilty when you set boundaries: if you try to slow things down and maintain your independence, the love bomber may make you feel guilty and use other manipulation tactics to pull you back. 

How Long Does Love Bombing Last With A Narcissist?

At the start of the relationship, the victim of love bombing is likely to feel like they are under the spell of a highly potent drug. This phase may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer. However, this emotional high never lasts forever, and the effects will inevitably start to wane, destroying the fantastical façade.

You may start noticing the red flags only when the love bombing phase starts nearing its end. At this stage, the narcissist might begin to devalue you, subtly and covertly, using a wide array of manipulation tactics. This may include humiliation, withdrawal of affection and physical intimacy, avoidance, shifting blame, gaslighting, and more. All of this serves to make you completely dependent on the love bomber for the validation and affection you were once bombarded with. 

Looking For Codependency Retreats In California? Contact PIVOT Today 

Escaping from the clutches of emotional manipulation is rarely easy. If you’ve decided to take the first step toward regaining your power and integrity, you should feel proud of yourself as this requires immense strength of character and a deep self-awareness. 

With PIVOT at your side, you can make peace with your deepest wounds and start rebuilding yourself with confidence. We can help you by offering carefully crafted coaching sessions for individuals or providing guidance via our intensive codependency retreats and workshops. Contact PIVOT today!  

Most healthy relationships are based on intimacy, trust, and mutual understanding. Unfortunately, some individuals exploit these aspects of a healthy relationship in order to exert power and control over their partner. 

Emotional manipulation comes in many forms, many of which are subtle and difficult to identify. If you fear that you may be stuck in a manipulative relationship, know that you are not alone and that there is a way out. Visiting a codependent relationship retreat can give you the tools you need to break the bubble and gain relational freedom. 

Keep on reading to learn how to recognize emotional manipulation and recover from its effects. 

What Is Emotional Manipulation In A Relationship?

The vast majority of people seek emotional intimacy in their relationships. This means feeling free to show the most vulnerable parts of ourselves to our partner, without fear. Unfortunately, this is exactly what emotional manipulators seek to exploit. You show them your triggers and weaknesses and they will use them against you, often damaging your self-esteem, undermining your confidence, and even making you doubt your own sanity. 

It is clear why emotional manipulation is so destructive, especially when it is done by your partner, the person you feel closest to. That is exactly why you should know how to detect emotional manipulation tactics, however subtle they may be, if you want to protect your emotional core and avoid falling into the manipulator’s traps. 

What Does Emotional Manipulation Look Like?

Emotional manipulation is typically deliberate, with the intent to make the victim feel confused, powerless, and lost. Still, many individuals manipulate without being aware of it. In fact, it could be said that we all manipulate from time to time, although the end goal of our manipulation may appear perfectly innocent. 

But when does emotional manipulation become narcissistic abuse? How do you determine when manipulative behavior has crossed the line? Here are several forms of emotional manipulation you may encounter in your relationships: 

Signs Of Emotional Manipulation 

Look out for the following behaviors if you wish to try and spot an emotional manipulator: 

• They get intimate way too fast: manipulators tend to portray sensitivity and emotional vulnerability at the very start of the relationship. They want you to feel special, like you’re the only one who could get so close to them. They do all this to lure you in and make you feel dependent on their feelings. 
• They tell you what you want to hear but don’t follow up: rest assured that an emotional manipulator will know exactly what to say to make you feel good or appreciated. But when the time comes to act, they back off and pretend like your wishes are dumb or unreasonable. 
• They make you doubt your own sanity: many emotional manipulation tactics are designed to make you question your reality. For instance, they may lie about an event you both participated in, pretending that it never happened at all. 
• They play the victim: emotional manipulators rarely take accountability. Even if you know perfectly well that they are to blame for a certain action or event, they will most likely claim that it is somebody else’s fault or your own. 
• They love playing the martyr: they may appear very eager to help you, but then become reluctant and act like what you both agreed on is too much of a burden. If you confront them about it, they may make you feel paranoid, confused, and, most of all, indebted. 
• They use your weaknesses against you: an emotional manipulator will go to great lengths to discover your triggers and weak spots and later use them to hurt you. Whether it’s your physical appearance or intelligence, they will use your insecurities to manipulate you. 

What Tactics Do Manipulators Use?

Emotional manipulators are known for using covert manipulation tactics to undermine your self-esteem and sanity. Some of these are: 

Guilt Tripping 

Has your partner ever told you that you simply do not care about them even though you rarely do anything but give? This intimidation tactic is known as guilt tripping and is used to place you in a submissive position and make you feel bad about yourself and your actions. They may tell you you are selfish, ignorant, or cold, no matter how far from the truth that may be. 

Gaslighting 

Gaslighting is a tactic which attempts to make you question your own memory by using misinformation, denial, contradiction, and misdirection. The manipulator will plant a seed of doubt, often damaging your self-esteem and evoking cognitive dissonance. Gaslighting is a powerful form of emotional manipulation that can be extremely subtle but highly effective. 

Rationalization 

If an emotional manipulator does something questionable or controversial, they may use logic and reason to explain and justify their behaviors, no matter how much they hurt you. This is a defense mechanism which uses seemingly logical and reasonable excuses but actually avoids providing an actual explanation.  

How Do You Recover From Emotional Manipulation?

The effects of emotional manipulation can be extremely damaging and may last for years after the abuse happened. If you are trying to find your feet after a manipulative relationship, here are some tips: 

• Be aware of the common manipulation tactics. Know what the manipulator wants to achieve and keep an eye out for red flags next time around. 
• Stay in tune with your own feelings. Try to determine your own triggers and see which insecurities the manipulator may use against you. Writing down your feelings may help. 
• Don’t put too much trust in words. Instead, focus on their actions, no matter how sweet their words may sound. 
• Remember that this isn’t your fault. You are not weak or worthless for falling into the manipulator’s trap. They wanted to hurt you and they did so because of their own issues. 
• Focus on your own life. Learn a new skill, travel, or spend more time with your friends and family to distract yourself from the manipulator and what they did to you. 
• Seek help from professionals. Speaking with a relationship expert may give you a new perspective and awareness of the situation, which will make it easier for you to overcome the effects of the manipulation. 

Transform Your Life With PIVOT Codependency Intensive Workshops 

At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples overcome their emotional wounds and find the strength to start over and build healthy, lasting relationships. Whether you are struggling with a deep-set fear of abandonment or can’t handle being ignored in your relationships, we are here to help. 

We offer a wide range of intensive workshops for codependents, as well as one-on-one coaching sessions that will help you gain relational freedom. Contact PIVOT today!