Author: Lori Jean Glass

Do you feel like your partner is pulling away from you? Do they seem emotionally distant and you can’t tell why? Do they seem less interested in spending time with you than they used to be? You are not alone. 

Unfortunately, emotional withdrawal and unavailability are common in relationships. The signs may start to show up slowly and intensify over time if ignored. Building intimacy in a relationship is hard, to begin with, but when the emotional gap becomes too wide, both you and your partner may start to feel isolated, lost, and confused. 

Keep reading to learn why people become emotionally distant and what you can do about it. 

Why Is My Partner Distant?

Emotional drifting can occur for numerous reasons. While it’s easy to believe that only one side of the relationship is to blame, it’s important to understand that nurturing a healthy bond takes two, and both you and your partner may have contributed to the intimacy issues. 

Causes Of Emotional Distancing

Some common reasons why couples experience emotional distancing are: 

• Your partner needs some time alone. When you’re in a relationship, it can be difficult to find an opportunity to spend some quality time on your own, especially if you have children. If you notice your partner is spending more time on their phone or playing video games, they may be craving some time off.
• They are under a great deal of stress. Emotional withdrawal is a common mechanism for coping with stress. Your partner may be experiencing some turmoil in their personal or professional life which may be causing them to pull away from you. Try talking to them about the levels of stress in their life. 
• They may not feel the same way anymore. If you’ve been together for a while and haven’t really worked on deepening intimacy, it’s possible that your partner has mixed feelings about the relationship. Have a serious conversation about it, but give your partner some time to prepare. 
• You’ve entered a pursuer-distancer cycle. Your partner may consider you to be too needy and may withdraw because of it, which causes you to feel even more worried and abandoned, and in turn needier. If that’s the case, you can try to pull back for a while and see if anything changes. If you can’t pull back – it may be a sign that you have some attachment challenges that need to be addressed.
• You’ve entered a criticism-withdrawal cycle. This relationship dynamic develops when one partner in a relationship becomes highly critical of the other, constantly making them feel inadequate. The criticized partner then withdraws further and creates a deeper gap. If you’ve been harsh with your partner, try to be more gentle and see how it goes. 

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Unavailability?

Some individuals are naturally better at expressing their emotions and thoughts outwardly. While you may feel like you wear your heart on your sleeve, your partner may not be as comfortable with showing their feelings. If you feel like your partner is distant, look for these telltale signs of emotional unavailability: 

• They can’t describe their emotions;
• They struggle with showing affection; 
• They aren’t comfortable talking about your emotional issues; 
• They don’t give you emotional support; 
• They become defensive when you bring up issues in your relationship; 
• They invalidate your feelings; 
• They are often too busy to spend quality time with you. 
• The relationship feels one-sided; 

The first step towards bridging an emotional gap in your relationship is recognizing that there is a problem. If you are struggling to build a healthy relationship with your partner, consider reaching out to a professional relationship coach. With expert help, you will better understand the root causes of your relationship issues and discover ways to work together with your partner to change your relationship for the better. 

What Does Stonewalling Someone Mean?

Does your partner avoid any sort of discussion or cooperation when it comes to resolving emotional issues? They may be resorting to a defense-mechanism called stonewalling. A person who stonewalls will withdraw when you bring up a problem, dismissing your words and invalidating your feelings. They may say something like “you’re being unreasonable” or “you’re blowing things way out of proportion”, etc. 

You may encounter stonewalling whether you’re trying to address a concern in private or with a relationship coach. If your partner relies on deflection to render any discussion irrelevant or insignificant, it can be difficult to come at any kind of solution which can make you feel frustrated, unheard, and confused. 

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Distant Partner?

Find Peace And Happiness With #1 Relationship Intimacy Coaching

Feeling unheard and invalidated in your relationship can cause you a great deal of stress and anxiety. The good news is, you can find joy in your relationship, no matter how alone you may feel. With help from our PIVOT coaches, you can reach emotional balance and nurture a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner. 

At PIVOT, we provide expert assistance to individuals and couples via carefully devised workshops and relationship-building retreats. We are here to help you find fulfillment and happiness in your relationships. Give us a call! 

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being emotionally numb? Maybe it’s happened during a very stressful event or during an argument with your partner.

For most people, this feels like a disconnection from your body and the outside world. Building intimacy in a relationship is hard as it is, but it’s even more difficult for individuals who experience emotional numbness. 

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Detached?

Emotional numbness or detachment is a complex and at times very persistent feeling that isn’t always voluntary. For many individuals, it comes as a result of past events that make them disconnect from their emotions.

There are situations when emotional numbness can be helpful. For example, being emotionally detached can save you from unnecessary pain if you use it to set boundaries with certain people or groups who demand a lot of your emotional attention or energy.

However, emotional numbness can also be harmful if you can’t control it, especially when it comes to building healthy relationships. 

How Do I Know If I’m Emotionally Numb?

It’s not always easy to differentiate detachment from other emotional states. Here are the signs that you may have emotional numbness. 

Signs Of Emotional Numbness

The common signs of emotional numbness include:

• difficulty creating or maintaining personal relationships;
• a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied around others;
• difficulty being loving or feeling affectionate with a family member;
• avoiding people, activities, or places because they’re associated with a past trauma or event;
• unable to express emotion;
• difficulty empathizing with other people’s feelings;
• feeling like a stranger or outsider in your own life;
• feeling dead or empty;
• feeling meaningless, worthless, or hopeless;
• feeling as though you are sleepwalking through life;
• feeling a loss of control;
• feeling disconnected from your memories;
• feeling emotionally and physically tired regardless of how much sleep you’ve had;
• not being able to enjoy activities or hobbies.

What Causes Emotional Detachment?

Emotional numbness is usually a side effect of an insecure attachment to one’s caregivers in childhood. People who have been neglected or abused may develop this as a coping mechanism. 

For example, people who were neglected by their parents in childhood may binge on food in adulthood as a survival pattern to numb their feelings. 

Just as an alcoholic drinks alcohol to feel numb, a person with an unhealthy eating pattern eats food to binge, which causes isolation. This leads to self-neglect and repeats the childhood pattern of not being seen or being neglected.

How To Overcome Emotional Numbness

Our Emotional Intimacy Coaching Can Help You Find Happiness 

If you recognize any of the signs above, then just know that you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with feeling emotionally numb. The good news is that you can be healed and experience self-acceptance so that you can have a healthy relationship with yourself and others. 

We recommend that you seek support from our online PIVOT Advocates to help you explore childhood issues and focus on healing your wounds with self-love and self-acceptance. Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. 

If you are ready to create meaningful connections with people and overcome feeling emotional numbness, then contact PIVOT. Our carefully designed individual coaching and insightful couples relationship building workshops can bring you the peace and happiness you seek. Contact us today! 

Many people seem to believe that vulnerability is a weakness, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unless you are willing to open up and show your vulnerable side to a potential partner, you can’t expect to build a meaningful and lasting relationship with them. 

Dating with trust issues that cause you to put up walls is hard. Without vulnerability and trust, a relationship is unlikely to move past the initial stages without substantial effort from both parties. And if it does, it’s possible that the lack of intimacy would lead to more serious relationship issues such as infidelity and betrayal. 

Unless you want to perpetuate the vicious cycle of trust issues and failed relationships, you should learn how to be vulnerable in the dating phase. Read on! 

How Can I Be Vulnerable When Dating?

If you have built walls so high that nobody can see the real you anymore, it’s only natural that you’d experience some trouble while dating. Know this – eventually, what you are too ashamed to reveal- will come out into the open over time if the relationship begins to progress. 

It is not good to disclose everything on the first two dates however, not revealing certain aspects or not telling the truth because of shame can result in being dumped – causing more pain. Fortunately, you can learn how to be more vulnerable if you are willing to put in the effort. Here are some steps you can take: 

How Do You Let Your Guard Down When Dating?

If you’re still healing from past hurts, learning how to be vulnerable and trust again is bound to take time. While letting your guard down won’t be easy if your wounds are deep, remember that you deserve to have a healthy and happy relationship and that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. 

Ways To Let Your Guard Down 

Letting your guard down will be easier if you follow some of these steps: 

• Communicate your needs openly. Letting a potential partner know what you are looking for in a relationship will prevent unnecessary disappointment. Being honest about what you want is the only way to get it. 
• Talk about your values and passions. Don’t be afraid to share your interests and passions with your date. They will be more likely to fall for you and appreciate you for who you are if they can see the passionate and quirky side of you. 
• Try revealing your fears. Similarly, you should strive to show the darker, more vulnerable parts of yourself if you want potential partners to get to know you properly. If a potential partner doesn’t appreciate this, they may not be the right person for you. 
• Be a good listener. Just as they should be willing to listen to you, you should make an effort to be attentive to what your date has to say about themselves. If you do so, they will feel more comfortable around you and it will be easier for you to trust them. 
• Love yourself first. You can’t expect to build a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself. Practice self care and work on healing your past wounds before you commit to anybody else.  
• Accept and validate your emotions. There’s no shame in feeling weak, jealous, or insecure. Healing is not an easy task, so make sure that you’re not too hard on yourself and accept the fact that getting better will take time. 
• Learn to let the past go. Letting go of past trauma is a must if you want to create meaningful connections. Do what you can to make peace with the past and try to find ways to learn from your previous mistakes or misfortunes. 

Is Dating Harder In Your 30s?

Dating in your thirties brings its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Here’s why dating in your thirties can be both a blessing and a curse:  

You Know Exactly Who You Are  

When you’re in your thirties, you are much more certain about who you are and what you’re looking for in your relationships. On one hand, this can make finding an ideal partner easier since you have a better chance of recognizing compatibility and potential in another person. On the other hand, however, you will be much less willing to change and compromise if things don’t go your way. 

You Are More Serious About Dating 

If you have your career and social life figured out, it’s hard to find the time to play games. When dating someone in your thirties, you want to be certain that the relationship is not wasting your time. This makes you more likely to let unpromising relationships go much faster than you would in your twenties. 

You Have To Deal With Lots of Pressure 

If you are a woman in your thirties, you’ve probably heard the phrase “biological clock” at least once from your friends and family. If you are a man, people have surely reminded you that all desirable ladies are already married. Such comments can be extremely frustrating and learning how to ignore them is not exactly easy. 

Learn How To Let Go Of Fear At Our Dating Problems Workshop

At PIVOT, we believe that every individual deserves meaningful and healthy relationships. Our knowledgeable PIVOT coaches can provide guidance every step of the way, from navigating the infatuation phase of dating to creating a deep connection with a partner. 

We offer carefully devised relationship solutions for individuals and couples, as well as a range of intensive dating workshops in your home or at the Glass House, our residential facility where you can learn to facilitate lasting change. Give us a call!  

Falling in love can be a breeze to some people and seemingly next to impossible for others. This is because all the overwhelming feelings we have when we start falling in love can make us irrational and confused. But why do we fall in love? Are there any rules on how and why we fall for certain people? 

If you are struggling with navigating the dating world, understanding why you become attracted to certain individuals can be of immense benefit. At our relationship coaching retreat for singles, we can help you explore your dating patterns, learn how to let your guard down, and build stronger and happier relationships. 

Read on to find out why we fall in love and whether we have any choice when the butterflies start to kick in.  

Why Do We Fall In Love With Certain People?

If you asked ten people to tell you why they fall in love, it’s very likely that you’d get ten different answers. This is because most of us don’t really know what makes us feel a certain way towards a person, but we’d still try to give specific answers usually related to physical attraction, chemistry, or similar interests.  

Reasons We Fall In Love 

Do We Choose Who We Fall In Love With?

Before discussing if falling in love is a choice or not, we have to establish one essential difference: loving someone and falling in love are not the same thing.

The Difference Between Infatuation And Love

While you may fall for a certain person because they are a good match for you based on the above-mentioned factors, you will have to make a conscious decision to commit and work on a relationship. In this sense, we do choose who we love. 

On the other hand, we may not have the same amount of control over who we are attracted to. Romantic love, that is, the picture of love that we typically see in movies and literature is actually a little more than an obsession. Of course, this does not mean that falling in love is not a valid feeling – we all know how powerful, exhilarating, and enjoyable the initial infatuation can be. 

In a nutshell, you can have a crush on someone or be in love without having much of a say in the matter. If the initial attraction is strong enough, you may decide to jump into the relationship and see if it works. Once the infatuation fades, you will have to make a conscious choice to stay in love. 

Can A Player Fall In Love?

Most of us know at least one person who considers themselves a ‘player’. They don’t plan on settling down and pride themselves on having numerous casual relationships. But can such a person change their ways and actually fall in love? 

The short answer would be: yes, it is possible for a ‘player’ to fall in love. More often than not, these individuals put up barriers to protect their sensitive cores from disappointment and hurt. They may be acting this way because they are struggling to forget about an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and, as a result, all their new relationships seem to pale in comparison. 

Signs A Player Will Never Change

However, trying to make a player fall in love with you can do you more harm than good if you’re not careful. Not all people who act this way are sensitive souls who crave an understanding and caring partner. Some of them simply like the excitement of casual relationships and won’t change their ways just because you choose to shower them with love. 

Here’s how you can tell that a person won’t easily change: 

• They never stop talking about other people they are attracted to. 
• They make you feel insecure. 
• They are overly jealous. 
• They act differently when surrounded by their friends. 
• They criticize you constantly. 
• They don’t seem ready to commit. 

Looking for Codependency Retreats in California? PIVOT Is Here To Help! 

If you struggle to find success in the dating world, don’t despair! With help from seasoned experts for relationship coaching, you can understand your dating patterns and find ways to build deeper and healthier connections with potential partners. 

The purpose of our high-result relationship coaching for individuals as well as our in-depth couples retreats is to help you find dating success by understanding yourself and your relational wounds. Reach out to us today and find out more! 

As much as you want to believe that your relationship can recover after infidelity and that putting time and effort into its recovery will be worth your while, here’s where it gets tricky: infidelity makes things messy and complicated. It leaves the partner who was cheated on with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment and the partner who cheated with the feelings of guilt  – intensified while the other partner is trying to get to a place of forgiveness.

If one of you was unfaithful, yet both of you are now willing to make it work, what can you do to initiate the healing process and rebuild a healthy relationship? If you agree that your relationship is worth saving, can it survive and last? What does the future have in store for your relationship?

Dealing With The Aftermath Of Infidelity

If this is what you and your partner are going through at the moment, you might be having difficulty being in the same room with each other, let alone communicating about what happened. But understanding what led to infidelity could be vital to dealing with its aftermath. Seeing a professional relationship coach or going to a private couple retreat for reconnection can help you get to the bottom of the problem.

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater: Is It True? 

If you fear that a partner who cheated once will do it again, you’ll have to bite the bullet: yes, it could be true. But it’s far from a universal truth. The damage is done, but if both partners are equally willing to make it work, there is hope yet. This depends mainly on whether partners can regain and rebuild mutual trust and make room for reconnection, understanding and forgiveness. 

Distrust is toxic, destructive and breeds dysfunction. Continuing mistrust toward the partner could doom a relationship that might be worth saving. Whether it was you or your partner who cheated, the situation will be beyond help if there is continued distrust between you over a long period of time.  Initially, there will be distrust – it is to be expected during the time it takes to get the trust back.

Can You Move Past Cheating?

First and foremost: you have to give yourself time, regardless of whether it was you or your partner who cheated. Couples can and do overcome and bounce back after infidelity, sometimes with renewed passion.

But moving past cheating and staying together with a cheating partner is possible if you meet the main criterion: confront and deal with your own unresolved issues. If you continue to harbor resentment toward your partner because they cheated, you can never truly move past it.

To make matters worse, the unresolved anger and resentment could have a detrimental effect on you as a person and render you incapable of truly moving on. Having unresolved issues because you were cheated on can have a lasting impact on your emotional and romantic life. Even if you decide to end the relationship in which you were cheated on, the frustration you have failed to deal with could spill over and have an impact on your new relationship.

Provided that both of you are willing to go all out and capable of mustering the strength to salvage the relationship, can you do it on your own or should you seek professional help and guidance? Together with your partner, you can try a relationship building skills workshop or better yet, a private couple retreat for reconnection. If you think you could use some alone time to try and overcome issues of your own, perhaps you should try working alongside an individual coaching expert beforehand.

How Often Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?

Cheating appears to be common among both men and women, even in what are supposed to be loving, committed relationships. How often is it a deal breaker? The statistics appear grim.

According to some estimates, few couples who have experienced infidelity can rework their relationship and make it last. Almost half of the couples decide to end the relationship immediately after the truth comes out and a third decide to try and make it work but break up eventually. This is primarily because the couple did not get help initially.  

Most people are caught off guard by their partner’s infidelity. Whether because they fail to recognize issues in their relationship or because they trust their partner without reservation, they never see it coming. Whether or not they can overcome and truly recover from infidelity could depend on the circumstances under which infidelity took place:

• The partner’s willingness to discuss the affair openly,
• The details of the affair,
• The level of emotional intimacy between partners.

Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

If attempts at reconciliation and recovery are one-sided, it’s pointless to even try to patch things up. If you and your partners are committed to making it work and bringing the romance back to life, challenging times lie ahead however it can become healthy again. In some cases – relationships can actually become BETTER than ever. 

It’s extremely difficult for a couple to go back to normal and rebuild trust in their relationship after infidelity because trust violation is inevitable. The partner who was cheated on is likely to have major trust issues, and so will the partner who cheated. Keep in mind that people who cheat on a regular basis are often jealous and suspicious of their partners because they project their own negative emotions and desires onto others.

Chances are you both could use some time to think things through and possibly some alone time. You can consider taking a break from your relationship and then start over if you both feel it is the right thing to do. Some couples choose to attend a couple relationship management workshop as part of the healing process.

Steps To Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair

Bounce Back With Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities!

Smoothing things over with your partner and rebuilding a strong and healthy relationship is hard work, especially after infidelity or adultery. Regardless of which partner had the affair, you need to join hands and work toward recovery. It’s time to pick up the pieces, and we are here to give you our support and professional guidance through our relationship workshops. 

Some couples find that they can make most progress with individual coaching sessions, and others prefer to take our customized intensive workshops. The PIVOT process could be the answer you have been looking for. Call now!

We all experience emotional distress in our relationships for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the relationships we build with other people can even seem like the main cause of our unhappiness. If this sounds like you, you may be wondering if a knowledgeable relationship coach would be able to help you overcome your emotional struggles. 

Whether you have trouble letting your guard down while dating or want to find out how to deal with cheating in your relationship, there’s a good chance that you would benefit from individual or couples relationship coaching. Keep reading to find out how this type of coaching can help you transform your life and heal your emotional wounds. 

What Is Relationship Coaching? 

Relationship coaches aim to help you achieve positive behavioral change in your relationships by providing effective and long-lasting solutions. The PIVOT Process, in particular, is designed to help you grow and reconnect with the people in your life in the shortest amount of time possible. Our PIVOT Advocates make this possible by carefully listening to what you have to say and devising high-impact solutions for your specific situation through our individualized curriculum.  

If you are yearning for change in your life, then the PIVOT Process might be the perfect way to start on your path to self-improvement. Relationship coaching can help you uncover underlying behavioral patterns and provide effective ways for transforming them. 

How Can Coaching Help A Relationship? 

Seeking help from relationship experts can enhance your life in a myriad of ways. So, if you are thinking about taking a break from your relationship or struggle to keep your relationship healthy, relationship coaching may bring the relief you are seeking. 

Benefits Of Relationship Coaching

Our individual, couples, family coaching and retreat workshops can have a positive effect on your relationships because change starts with yourself. 

What Is Individual Coaching?

If you wish to start your path to a healthier emotional life with individual sessions, you may not be entirely sure what this type of coaching entails. Here’s how individual coaching can benefit you and your relationships. 

Learn How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships 

The purpose of individual coaching is to enable you to better understand why you do what you do in relationships. See how your childhood relationships and past hurts have influenced your adult life and work on changing your negative patterns. By understanding your particular attachment style, you will learn how to identify your relationship needs and work on building healthier behavioral patterns.  Uncovering and knowing what you want and need in relationships, then asking for what you want and need, and then being able to accept others responses when they may not mirror your own wants and needs. 

Individual Coaching Will Illuminate Your Emotional Intelligence. 

Getting to know yourself better is the first step toward facilitating lasting change in your emotional life. With the help of PIVOT Advocates, you will not only build self-awareness but you will also enhance your self-esteem and learn how to handle conflict in your relationships without bitterness and resentment. 

Start Building Happy And Healthy Relationships 

Individual relationship coaching has one main goal – to help you live better and create healthier and happier connections with the people in your life. The valuable insights you will gain from the PIVOT Process will provide the perfect starting point for your journey to personal and relational improvement. 

How Do I Know If I Need Couples Relationship Coaching? 

Not sure if you and your partner should go to a relationship coaching workshop? Yes, all couples fight, but it’s not always easy to determine when enough is enough. Here are some signs that you and your partner may benefit from a coaching retreat of workshops: 

• You fight about the same issues constantly. Having the same fights over and over usually means that there is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. 
• Your partner doesn’t provide emotional support. If you get more support from outside of the relationship than from your partner, it might be time for an intensive workshop. 
• You keep criticizing each other. Sure, there’s such thing as constructive criticism, receiving nothing but negative remarks from your partner is never a good sign. 
• You feel angry with your partner all the time. If you feel constant anger and dissatisfaction in your relationship, individual relationship coaching is the best place to start.  Then you can take what you have learned and apply it to repairing and restoring the relationship with your partner. 

Do I Need Individual Coaching AND Couples Coaching? 

If your relationship with your partner is not healthy – it is a good idea to start with working on yourself and also having couples coaching sessions periodically during the process.  It is healthy and recommended to start applying what you are learning about yourself to your partner. This can – for many couples – be a form of intimacy that is crucial to repairing a challenging relationship.  

• Individual coaching focuses on the individual. This form of coaching is a good choice if you need help working through personal issues or reaching your goals. However, since individual understanding and growth are necessary for establishing healthy relationships, this type of coaching or our 5-day individual retreat at The Glass House can come prior to couples retreats.
• Couples coaching is effective if you feel like your relationship with your partner is causing you distress and needs attention immediately. The choice between these two forms of coaching will depend on your preferences and the nature of the issue.  Our coaches can help you with a plan that will best fit your needs.  

Either way, the experienced PIVOT coaches will make sure that your intensive workshop brings you maximum benefits by targeting the core issues and allowing you to resolve them in a way that feels comfortable and is optimally effective for your particular needs. 

Create Meaningful Connections With The Help From A PIVOT Relationship Coach 

Struggling to find peace and meaning in your relationships? Let us help. At PIVOT, we provide emotional guidance for individuals and couples in the form of effective relationship coaching and intensive relationship-building skills workshops. With a little bit of courage and help from our experienced PIVOT Advocates, you can take immediate action to change your life for the better. Reach out to us today!