February 25, 2020

What Role Does Self-Love Play In Your Life?

Posted on February 25, 2020October 27, 2024 by Lori Jean Glass

For many people, self-love means occasionally treating yourself to an expensive piece of clothing or dedicating a night just to yourself. However, the true feeling of self-love is something that you should build and nurture throughout your life.

In fact, one of the first steps in accepting love from others is learning how to love and appreciate yourself. Only by understanding and embracing your inner self can you build strong, intimate relationships and be at peace with others.

Unfortunately, in today’s fast-paced society, people are often swept up in other people’s emotions, personal goals, and constant feelings of self-criticism. Consequently, this can lead to serious mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, as well as relationship problems such as a lack of emotional intimacy with your partner. This is why individual coaching for relationship issues often includes working on self-acceptance, self-esteem, and other aspects of self-growth.

What It Means To Love Yourself

It’s not unusual for people to either completely neglect themselves or mistaken self-love for selfishness and egocentrism. Some even believe that self-love is a shallow concept often propagated in commercial purposes.

However, self-love is so much more than this. While this feeling and attitude toward oneself may have different meanings for various individuals, it’s typically described as self-compassion, self-appreciation, and self-respect.

Of course, loving yourself requires you to first gain a deeper insight into your own mind and feelings, understand your personal behaviors and decisions, and learn how to accept your mistakes. By truly embracing your inner self, you will learn how to be gentle to yourself and your emotions instead of striving for perfection or criticizing yourself for every mistake.

Common characteristics of self-love

In general, self-love is characterized by the following features:

Mindfulness. When you love yourself, you don’t have to burden yourself with past mistakes or spend time thinking about what you could have done differently. Mindfulness also entails being aware of your emotions and thoughts free from judgment and self-criticism.
Forgiveness. Self-love also enables you to forgive yourself and others and move forward. You can understand the reasons behind your and others’ actions or mistakes.
Acceptance. After learning to accept yourself, you will be able to accept others too, including their flaws.
Self-focus. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, self-love inspires and motivates you to keep working on your growth. You’re also not ashamed to put yourself before others sometimes and dedicate attention to yourself, not solely your partner.
Intimacy. Loving your mind, body, and inner self enables you to establish healthier, stronger, and more intimate relationships. You feel comfortable opening up to your partner and don’t see vulnerability in your relationship as a weakness.

Why Is It Important To Love And Respect Yourself?

You’ve probably heard numerous variations of the phrase “you first have to love yourself in order to love others” a countless number of times. Even couples and individuals who join relationship building skills workshops first need to address personal issues and behaviors before working on their relationships.

However, you still may be wondering why this is so important. In fact, a certain dose of healthy self-criticism may even benefit your growth and relationship with others. So, why does self-love play such an important role in your life?

Here are several reasons why self-love and self-respect are the foundation of establishing a positive relationship with yourself and others:

You are not afraid to stand up for yourself.
You build and strengthen your self-esteem.
You don’t grow resentment for your partner.
You never lose yourself in your relationships.
You have more compassion for yourself and others.
You don’t spend time comparing yourself to or envying others.
You are likely to see the world from a more positive perspective.
You make decisions that can benefit you mentally and physically.

Why Is Self-Love So Difficult?

However, even if you fully understand the importance of self-love and self-respect in your life, sometimes nothing seems more difficult than letting go of perfectionist goals, past mistakes and regrets, self-criticism, and other feelings and attitudes that damage your self-esteem and sabotage your relationships.

There are multiple reasons behind this even if you may not be fully aware of them. They include:

Past experiences. Your previous experiences have shaped you as a person, so it’s extremely difficult to leave certain traumas behind. The past often leaves individuals believing that they are unworthy of love and exposing themselves to constant self-criticism.
Perfectionism. Whether in personal relationships or work, perfectionism can hinder your efforts to love yourself. When you fail to meet perfectionist, unrealistic expectations, the first person to blame is typically you. In fact, it has been shown that perfectionism can lead to serious problems such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, IBS, etc.
Conflicts. Interpersonal conflicts may leave you questioning yourself and what you have done wrong. This is particularly common if you enter a conflict with a person who cannot or doesn’t want to understand your side and often blames you for everything that goes wrong in your relationship.
Selfishness. Some people believe that they’re being selfish and egotistical if they put themselves before others or expressing their feelings and needs. However, you shouldn’t feel guilty if you love yourself. This will allow you to be a better person toward others, too.

How Do You Love Yourself?

Although it is difficult to change well-established behaviors and attitudes, you can learn how to love yourself. Here are a few practices of self-love that you can introduce to your life:

Practice mindfulness. Learning how to be present and aware of your current feelings and thoughts is truly liberating. You can forget about the past and focus on the present. The key to mindfulness is observing your thoughts and emotions without any judgment. Try to understand why you feel the way you do without criticizing yourself for it.
Understand and focus on your needs. Ask yourself what it is that you really need rather than want or hope for. Try to consider your life and personal goals and decide what you need to achieve them. This goes for everyday habits and decisions, too.
Know when to say “no”. Don’t be afraid to say no to people. Don’t spend yourself trying to please others, but focus on what you can do for yourself. Of course, this doesn’t mean neglecting others’ feelings and needs but simply learning to set certain boundaries in your relationships.
Embrace healthy habits. Pay more attention to your nutrition and physical activity. The body and the mind are intertwined and you cannot love one without the other. Additionally, quality sleep, healthy nutrition, and exercise are essential for combatting anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
Consider a problem from different perspectives. It’s easy to feel discouraged by certain problems and challenges in your life. However, instead of blaming yourself or believing you’re not strong enough to overcome them, try to see how you can grow using this invaluable life experience.

How Does Loving Yourself Change Your Life?

Working on self-love and personal growth will truly enrich your life, affecting its every aspect, including interpersonal relationships. By embracing yourself and implementing practices that support self-love, you will notice an array of changes in your life:

Higher self-esteem. When you love yourself for who you are, you are able to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem. You won’t compare yourself to others and will learn to appreciate your own personality, body, and mind. Stronger self-esteem will improve your life in general, as you will see yourself as a strong, capable person who can achieve their life goals and find the happiness they deserve.
Stronger relationships. After learning to love and accept yourself, loving and understanding others will be much easier. You and your partner will have a stronger, more open and honest relationship that won’t be sabotaged by your personal insecurities.
Enhanced overall health. The mind and the body are closely connected. So, a more loving, positive attitude toward yourself will reflect on your mental and physical health. You will be more inclined to take care of yourself and your personal needs, minimizing the risk of experiencing health problems and developing unhealthy habits.
Personal motivation. With more self-love in your life, you will be more motivated and inspired to pursue your life goals. You’ll believe in yourself more and be more resolute to realize your potential.
More control over your life. By getting in touch with your inner self and learning to accept it, you will feel more in control over your life. You will have the strength to change the things you don’t like, see challenges as an opportunity and face problems instead of withdrawing to yourself.

Individual Coaching for Relationship Issues: Start Your Journey Toward Self-Love

Self-love is at the core of your self-improvement and personal relationships. However, silencing that inner voice that has been telling you that you aren’t good enough or that you don’t deserve love for years is truly challenging. You may be even sabotaging your relationship with your partner without even being aware that the issues stem from your personal dissatisfaction and deeply ingrained survival patterns.

Here at PIVOT, we will help you not only address these issues but also apply high-result solutions to resolve them. Whether you want to work on yourself or improve your relationship building skills, our carefully devised process and workshops will help you identify the underlying negative patterns, take steps to modify them, and learn how to build a more loving, understanding relationship with yourself and others.

With us, you can join intensive workshops for personal growth at the Glass House or achieve progress through individual coaching with a PIVOT Coach. We give you an opportunity to not only identify the problem and its cause but also intensively work on altering well-established behaviors. Get the support & professional guidance you need with us!

Does Love Make The World Go Round?

Posted on February 25, 2020October 27, 2024 by Lori Jean Glass

All you need is love. Whether that is true or not, there’s no denying that most of us need and seek love in order to feel happy and complete. But how much do we really know about love? Is love all we need in a relationship? Do we have any control over who and how much we love?

Whether you wish to learn how to love yourself or find out why you are afraid of love, seeking information from an experienced relationship coach is possibly the best course of action. In this article, we will approach love from a number of angles in order to shed light on its nature and importance in our relationships. Read on!

Can A Relationship Survive On Love Alone?

Most of us are taught to believe in the importance of love, whether from our parents, movies, or literature. How come then that we see so many relationships fall apart even though love is very much still there? Is it possible that love isn’t all we need to make a relationship work?

Unfortunately, it is entirely possible to love someone who isn’t the right person for us. In fact, there are many situations in which love alone may not be enough.

When Love Is Not Enough

No matter how much we love, our relationships can still fall apart. While love may conquer all in some situations, here are some relationship struggles that even love may not be able to resolve:

You can love the wrong person. Your partner might not be right for you. They may be abusive, your relationship may lack intimacy, or you may just be too similar or too different. No matter the reason, it’s entirely possible to truly love a person who isn’t good for us.
It’s possible to love someone at the wrong time. You may love someone to the moon and back, but feel like you should end the relationship because you’re not ready to embrace it at the present moment. Sometimes, the timing is just not right.
You and your partner may have conflicting values. While it’s perfectly normal to be with someone who has different beliefs than you do, you may want to consider leaving the relationship if you and your partner keep fighting over your conflicting values.
Your partner may not reciprocate. Can true love be one-sided? Certainly, but that doesn’t mean that such a relationship is healthy. If you feel like your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love them, the relationship may not be the one for you.
Your friends and family may disapprove. Although it might sound like a Romeo and Juliet scenario, it’s quite common for family members to disapprove of a relationship. Sometimes, they have a good reason to do so, even though love is very much there.

Is Love A Choice Or A Feeling?

Falling in love is easy for most of us. It may even feel effortless, almost like there’s nothing we can do about it. Staying in love, on the other hand, is a different story entirely. In reality, love is more of a choice than a feeling. By this, we mean that we have to consciously decide to stay committed to a single person when the initial butterflies disappear.

Every single day, we have to make conscious choices to love or not to love a person. We may face serious fights or be incredibly annoyed by our partner’s habits, and still choose to love them and stay in the relationship. It is these choices we make on a regular basis that show our love, not the fleeting feelings we have when we start dating. So, while we may not exactly choose who we love, we definitely can choose who we keep loving when the going gets tough.

Can You Love Someone Too Much?

The short answer would be: no, there’s no such thing as loving someone too much. However, it is possible to smother someone with affection. Oftentimes, this is done out of selfish reasons. When we love a person, we wish them to be happy even though their idea of happiness may be different from our own. Smothering, on the other hand, means prioritizing your own needs over your partner’s.

Of course, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving you enough attention or that your relationship is one-sided, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are smothering them if you insist on seeking emotional closeness with them. Here’s what smothering in a relationship typically looks like.

Signs of Emotional Suffocation

If you worry that you may be emotionally suffocating your partner, here are some signs you should look out for:

You always wish to know where they are. If you keep texting your partner constantly, wanting to keep track of their whereabouts at all times, it’s quite possible that you’re smothering them.
You never leave their side. Sometimes, it’s best to leave the person you love alone. We all have days when we wish to have some time to ourselves or go and see our childhood friends. Insisting on following your partner’s every step is a sure sign of emotional suffocation.
You never disagree with your partner. While you may want to show your partner how much you love them by appreciating their ideas, you shouldn’t agree with every single thing they say just to impress them. Most of the time, you’ll achieve the opposite effect.
You don’t feel comfortable alone. Most of the time, we seek emotional closeness with others because we feel insecure and need reassurance. If you can’t be on your own, you may have some low self-esteem or abandonment wounds and survival patterns that need your attention.
They tell you they feel suffocated. Naturally, if your partner tells you they feel smothered in the relationship, you should take their word for it. The best course of action would be to have a serious discussion about the issue and see what can be done to resolve it.

Visit our effective couples retreat relationship workshop

At PIVOT, we work hard in order to help couples and individuals with their relationship struggles. It is our mission to enable you to heal your past wounds and work on happier, healthier relationships with the ones you love the most.

Our knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates will offer effective and transformative solutions to your relationship problems. We offer both couples and individual coaching for your relationships as well as effective five-day workshops at The Glass House. Give us a call today and start your journey toward a healthier emotional life!

Does Your Relationship Lack Emotional Intimacy?

Posted on February 25, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Being romantically involved with another human being implies intimacy. Most of us place great importance on physical intimacy, and rightfully so, but there is also a whole other aspect of intimacy that is closely linked to the physical one: emotional intimacy.

At first, it is physical intimacy that we might pay more attention to, especially when we’re infatuated and consumed by a fiery passion for each other. But emotional intimacy is what remains when the honeymoon phase is over and that initial excitement of being madly in love starts to wear out.

When partners lack emotional intimacy in their relationship, they cannot face and overcome conflict and life’s challenges together. Are you dealing with emotional intimacy issues in your relationship? Are you seeing or ignoring the red flags? Learn to recognize the telltale signs.

What does emotional intimacy feel like?

When two partners have emotional intimacy, they have a deep emotional connection. They feel close because they feel free to be themselves around each other and express their feelings openly without being afraid to show their vulnerable side.

What does a lack of intimacy do to a relationship?

Without intimacy at a deeper level, building trust turns into a difficult challenge which could ultimately spell trouble for the future of your whole relationship. Partners who can’t trust each other cannot stay together.

So what are the signs that there are issues with intimacy between you and your partner?

Signs that your relationship lacks emotional intimacy:

Feeling distant and isolated from your partner

If you feel that you can never quite pinpoint what the other person is thinking or how they’re feeling, there may be a distance between you. This can turn into a major problem when conflicts arise, especially if your partner is giving you the silent treatment, making conflict resolution all the more difficult.

Lack of transparency and communication about emotions

When we say that communication between partners is key, it may sound like a cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Partners who can communicate their feelings to each other have managed to build emotional intimacy. On the other hand, partners who never discuss their emotions but get into petty arguments all the time are probably not looking at a bright future together.

Imbalance in the degree of sharing

If one person is sharing too much and the other is not sharing enough, it might seem that the other partner is simply a good listener. On the other hand, it may mean that there is an imbalance. The partner who shares less might not feel comfortable enough to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Inability to listen to each other

Sharing your views, thoughts, and opinions with each other and being able to open up and reveal your feelings and emotions must mean that you have built emotional intimacy, right? Not necessarily. In order to continue to build your emotional intimacy, both partners in a relationship need to practice active listening and show empathy and compassion on an ongoing basis.

If one partner tends to zone out when the other partner is talking about what they’re going through, this might mean the emotional intimacy between them is starting to fade. At this point, partners might start hurting each other indeliberately by forgetting the little things or showing disregard for the other person’s feelings. Little by little, they may start drifting apart.

Lack of support for each other

People in supportive relationships tend to open up with each other about what’s bothering them. Because their relationship is built on trust and understanding, the partner is their go-to person whenever they’re in need of guidance. They feel comfortable enough to ask their partner for help and advice. But in a relationship that lacks emotional intimacy, partners may lack the emotional security to turn to each other for support.

Leading separate lives could indicate a lack of intimacy

Partners who are private and refuse to share information about their lives with each other might be dealing with an emotional distance. It’s fine to lead separate lives and be independent, but keeping a deliberate distance from each other could be a sign of a deeper problem. After all, patterns like long phone calls, texting or talking face-to-face help us get to know each other, and sharing your daily life is a big part of that.

You no longer share similar interests and hobbies

The experiences we share with our partners help us grow as a couple. Whether it’s going to the farmers’ market, cooking a meal or watching black-and-white movies together, these activities help build intimacy and deepen your relationship bond.

When you stop doing the things you used to do with your partner, whether because you no longer care about their likes and interests or because they no longer care about yours, it should really tip you off that emotional intimacy may have started to dissipate and might disappear altogether.

Avoidance of physical closeness

Although a couple that has active sex life is not necessarily in a healthy, supportive relationship, frequent sex is known to benefit couples, both in the emotional and in the physical sense, whereas lack of sex increases the relationship’s vulnerability to detachment. But avoidance of physical touch can happen even to couples who are physically intimate in the bedroom on a regular basis.

When couples have a strong emotional connection, this is manifested in physical closeness. Partners are comfortable touching each other outside the bedroom, whether it’s by holding hands, hugging or kissing, as this is how they express their emotional intimacy.

On the other hand, partners who are reserved and have physical connection issues might be dealing with emotional intimacy issues as well.

Can a relationship survive without emotional intimacy?

When you love someone deeply, you might be willing to overlook any emotional intimacy issues, even put the other person’s needs first to keep the romance alive. But sometimes love alone isn’t enough. Your relationship might last even if you lack emotional intimacy and connection, but is that really what you both want?

You both deserve to have a meaningful relationship that makes you feel loved and fulfilled. Does that mean you are doomed as a couple? Absolutely not. Building emotional intimacy is no easy feat, but it’s not impossible. Some couples may try to work everything out by themselves by working on their communication, while others decide to turn to experts for help.

How to improve intimacy in a relationship? We can help!

Building emotional intimacy is hard work, but that’s just it: you can work on it. If both you and your partner are willing to make it work, we can help you build trust and improve emotional intimacy in one of our workshops that rely on relationship intimacy coaching.

Would you feel more at ease in our individual coaching program or do you think it’s time you give our intensive workshops at The Glass House a go? It’s up to you but one thing is certain: PIVOT Advocates are here for you. We’re ready to help you patch things up with your partner and learn to deal with the intimacy problems in your relationship before they escalate. We’re your key to building healthier relationships.

It’s time to turn the page and the PIVOT process is the way to do it!

Philophobia: Why Do We Fear Love?

Posted on February 25, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

For most people, love is the ultimate ideal. We crave it, we seek it, we cherish it when we receive it. However, not everybody is so willing to open up their heart and experience everything that love has to offer. Why is that? Why are some of us scared of love?

Just as some people believe that love is all a relationship needs, there are individuals who struggle with love avoidance and find love a terrifying concept. While certain levels of fear are completely normal to most of us, people suffering from philophobia are terrified of falling in love and being in an emotional relationship with another person.

Read on if you wish to better understand philophobia and learn how to deal with it.

How Do You Know If You’re Afraid Of Love?

By definition, philophobia is an intense and irrational fear of being in love which causes great emotional distress and interferes with your normal life. It can be manifested in a wide variety of ways depending on the person and circumstances.

Common Signs Of Philophobia

If you’re wondering if philophobia is to blame for the lack of genuine emotional intimacy in your relationships, you should look out for the following symptoms:

You experience intense panic or fear at the thought of emotional closeness.
You show signs of love avoidance.
You sweat profusely in intimate situations.
You experience rapid heartbeat and difficulty breathing.
Your new love interests open up old wounds.
You struggle with vulnerability in your relationships.
You have difficulties in your daily life because of your fear.

If more than a few of these symptoms apply to you, it’s very likely that you, in fact, struggle with philophobia. Most of the time, fear of love feels overwhelming and even though you are aware that your fear is unreasonable, it’s very likely that you feel incapable of controlling it.

Why Am I Afraid To Accept Love?

But why are some people terrified of love? What causes philophobia exactly?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, it has been shown that philophobia is more common among individuals with unresolved past trauma, whether in their past relationships or childhood abandonment issues. Often, we fear and run from love because we wish to avoid getting hurt once again.

Why Do We Fear Love?

If you wish to better understand why you fear love so much, read the following statements and see if they resonate with you:

I can’t stand being vulnerable in front of another person. Showing our true feelings and deepest fears can be frightening. By being vulnerable, you give the other person a chance to hurt you and that makes you terrified.
New relationships bring back painful memories. If you’ve experienced trauma in your past relationships, it’s only natural that you don’t want to relive the pain again. Unfortunately, getting close to a new person may stir up your past hurts.
I feel unlovable. Sadly, many of us feel like we aren’t worthy of love and happiness. This is often caused by hurts from early childhood as well as by negative feelings our parents harbored towards themselves. Such feelings can hold you back from falling in love.
I fear happiness because it’s always followed by pain. Are you afraid of giving your all to another person and feeling immense happiness, just be disappointed and devastated in the end? If you feel like joy and pain go hand in hand, that may be one of the culprits for your philophobia.
I worry that I am incapable of loving someone truly. You may be hesitant to enter a relationship because the person “loves you too much” and you fear you won’t be able to reciprocate or that you will fall out of love and hurt them in the end.
You are scared of losing yourself in the relationship. Some people are scared of falling in love because they feel like the relationship won’t give them the space they need to be themselves.

How Do You Accept Love?

Philophobia has a way of making us feel like we don’t belong or like we are missing out on all the beautiful aspects of love. While we may be terrified of letting go and loving another person, that doesn’t mean that we don’t crave affection and emotional connection.

How To Overcome The Fear Of Love

If you are aware of all the ways in which your fear of love is holding you back, you’re probably looking for a way to change and learn how to embrace love. However hard it may be, overcoming philophobia is entirely possible. Here’s how you should go about it.

Examine your past hurts. Understanding the history of your pain and fears is the first step towards healing. Try to get at the root of your philophobia and start from there.
Learn how to love yourself first. As you probably already know, you can’t truly love someone unless you love yourself. Make an effort to accept your flaws and take time to heal your wounds.
Stop listening to your critical inner voice. We all have that inner critic that prevents us from letting go and being vulnerable. Learn its triggers and do your best not to listen when it speaks.
Choose your partner carefully. While we don’t choose who we love, you should make sure your new love interest is worthy of your love. Take your time and look out for red flags in the dating phase.
Learn how to be vulnerable. Feeling your feelings deeply and opening up your heart to the right person is the ultimate goal of overcoming philophobia. It will take time, but learning how to be vulnerable will surely set you free.

Change Your Ways With Professional Emotional Intimacy Coaching

At PIVOT, we strive to assist couples and individuals on their journey to healthier emotional lives. By sharing your fears and hurts with our PIVOT Advocates, you will learn how to love yourself and let other people in, one step at a time.

Whether you wish to attend an intensive relationship coaching retreat or try our effective individual coaching sessions, PIVOT is the perfect way to start changing your life for the better. Give us a call and start seeing love in a new light!

The Silent Treatment: Is It Abuse?

Posted on February 25, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Most of us have been ignored at least once or twice in our lives. Surely, we can all agree that being given the silent treatment does not feel good. In fact, the silent treatment can often be used as a form of psychological manipulation and punishment.

No relationship is perfect, that much is true. While some relationship problems, such as lacking emotional intimacy and emotional suffocation, don’t necessarily have a malicious aspect and can be resolved through effective emotional intimacy coaching, ignoring, when used as a form of control, is a serious red flag.

In this article, we will shed light on the silent treatment and give advice on dealing with it in your relationship.

Is Ignoring Someone A Form Of Control?

We are all guilty of ignoring, there’s no point in denying it. Still, it would be wise to admit that ignoring someone isn’t the most mature thing to do. While it can be harmless in certain circumstances, it can definitely be used to gain control over another person and make them feel unworthy and unimportant.

Often, people choose to ignore because they don’t know how to express their feelings properly. In those cases, the purpose of the silent treatment may not be to hurt you but to protect the other person’s vulnerable core. However, when ignoring is used, or to be more precise, abused in order to manipulate another person, it can definitely qualify as abuse.

Why Ignoring Is Abuse

Here’s why the silent treatment can be damaging:

It can cause emotional trauma. A person who is ignored feels a wide range of confusing emotions. They may feel anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, despair, and loneliness, all at once. Naturally, such emotional confusion can have a damaging effect on your psyche.
It can decrease your sense of self-worth. When you give someone the silent treatment, you are showing them that they are insignificant, unworthy and unlovable. It can greatly deplete their self-esteem, leaving serious consequences.
It can cause physical issues as well. When you are ignored, a part of your brain responsible for detecting pain will activate, telling you that you’re, in fact, being physically hurt. This can also cause digestive problems, headaches, insomnia, and other physical ailments.
It can have serious consequences. The silent treatment, when used for long enough, can have a severely negative effect on a person’s mental and physical health, even after the period of abuse is over and done with.
It can manipulate you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do. Since it has such an intense effect on your emotional state, the silent treatment can cause you to do almost anything in your power to gain the manipulator’s attention.

Because of the considerable power that the silent treatment can give one person over another, it is a favorite tactic of narcissistic and manipulative individuals. Of course, the person ignoring you may not actually be trying to manipulate you. However, if it is used as a form of punishment, lasts for longer periods of time, and ends only if you give in or apologize, it’s more than likely that your partner is using the silent treatment to control you.

What Does The Silent Treatment Do To A Relationship?

A healthy relationship should be based on honest and open communication. While a certain number of emotional intimacy issues and aversion to vulnerability are normal for most people, if your partner ignores you constantly and makes you beg for their attention, your relationship may be quite unhealthy. Here’s are some more ways in which the silent treatment can affect relationships:

It leaves no room for healthy communication.
It enables your partner to control you.
It makes you feel dependent on your partner.
It makes it hard for you to love yourself.
It can make you resent your partner deeply.
It can make you fear love after the relationship is over.

How Do You Deal With Being Ignored?

Being ignored is hard. It can make it extremely difficult to stay calm and not lose your head. However, if you are aware of the purpose of the silent treatment, you may find it easier to keep your cool. Here’s what you can do:

Try talking to them about it. If your partner is truly trying to manipulate you, open communication may not do the trick. Nevertheless, you should try to tackle the issue head on and see if your partner has a valid reason why they are ignoring you.
Don’t show how much it hurts you. They are giving you the silent treatment in order to cause distress and make you feel dependent. By showing your vulnerability, you’ll show them that they have achieved the desired effect.
Try not to beg for their attention. The more you chase them, the more they will ignore you, at least until they’ve reached their goal. Try distancing yourself a little bit and see what effect it has on your partner’s behavior.
Find other things to do. Focusing on other people and engaging in activities you enjoy will help you keep your mind off of your partner for a bit. What’s more, they will see that their manipulation tactics have no effect on your emotional state.
Consider leaving them for a while. If you’ve realized that your relationship is harmful to your mental health, the best course of action may be to leave, at least for a short while. This way, you’ll be able to see the situation from a different perspective and gain deeper insight into your problems.

If none of these tips seem to work for you, consider seeking help from a professional relationship coach. With their knowledge and insight, you will better understand your relationship and learn how to gain independence and increase your self-esteem.

Transform Relationship Problems Into Growth With Life-Changing Codependency Coaching

With PIVOT, your relationships don’t have to be a source of pain and distress. We have vast experience in helping individuals feel better about themselves and their relationships through in-depth relationship coaching. It is our goal to enable you to gain control over your emotional life and assist you in building healthier and happier relationships.

Our PIVOT Advocates can help you on your path towards happiness in a number of different ways. We assist couples and individuals with their relational issues and hold effective five-day retreats at The Glass House, a residential facility where you can work on your relationships in a comfortable and comforting environment. Schedule an appointment today!

How Does It Feel To Fall Out Of Love?

Posted on February 25, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

As sad as the notion may be, love doesn’t always last. No matter how intense the feelings are when you first fall in love with someone, it’s always possible to fall out of love with a partner eventually, even if you still care for them.

Although there’s not always an exact reason why you fall out of love, factors such as emotional intimacy issues and being unable to love yourself first can increase the possibility of this typically unpleasant scenario. However, as no two relationships are the same, falling out of love can play out in a wide variety of different ways.

Read on to learn what falling out of love feels like.

How Do You Know When Your Partner Doesn’t Love You Anymore?

If you’ve been feeling like something is off in your relationship, it may be the case that your partner is no longer in love with you as they once were. Unfortunately, it’s completely natural for our feelings to change over time, so you should keep in mind that it’s not the end of the world if your partner doesn’t feel the same way anymore.

Signs That Your Partner Doesn’t Love You

Here’s how to tell if your partner is no longer in love with you:

They don’t have the time for you. If your partner is always too busy to spend time with you, it may mean that they are avoiding you because they don’t feel the same way about you anymore. Look out for signs of withdrawal if you suspect that may be the case.
They don’t make you feel good about yourself. Both parties in the relationship should feel comfortable and confident when together. If your partner goes out of their way to make you feel bad, that is a surefire sign that they don’t love you as much as they should.
They aren’t sharing their thoughts. Does your partner feel the need to tell you about their day and talk about how they feel? If not, they may no longer feel comfortable being vulnerable around you.
They aren’t interested in what you have to say. Similarly, if you feel like they don’t listen to you when you speak or if they never comfort you when you are down, it’s likely that they don’t care as much as they used to.
They are overly critical of you. Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but if you feel like your partner criticizes you all the time or starts fights over trivial things, that’s a good sign that your relationship is nearing its end.
You’re experiencing intimacy problems in your relationship. Whether emotional or physical, intimacy is a core ingredient in any relationship. In case your partner seems withdrawn and less interested in making love, they may not be sure of their feelings.

How Do You Know You’re Not In Love?

Are you worried that you may be the one in the relationship who doesn’t feel the way they once did? Falling out of love is never easy, especially if you still deeply care for your partner. Still, if you no longer feel warmth and excitement at the thought of spending time with them, it’s entirely possible that your feelings have changed. Here are some additional signs that you have fallen out of love.

You Rarely Think About Them Throughout Your Day

When you’re in love, it’s normal to spend quite a bit of time thinking about your partner as you go about your day. You wish to know how they feel during the day and you may even bring them gifts and whatnot to show your affection. If that has changed, you may no longer be in love.

You Don’t Talk To Them About Your Problems

A healthy relationship should be based on trust and mutual respect. If you don’t feel the need to share your thoughts and fears with your partner on a regular basis, that is a good sign that you’re falling out of love.

You Don’t Imagine A Future With Them

When you think about your future, do you see your partner by your side? If not, you may not truly love them. While it’s normal to care about your career and social life, you’d want your partner to be a part of your life if you loved them.

You Avoid Spending Time With Them

Two people in love want to spend as much time with each other as possible. If you don’t feel like being around your partner and go out of your way to find other things to do, things probably aren’t right between the two of you.

Can You Fall Back In Love?

So, you’ve realized that you have fallen out of love with your partner or that your partner has fallen out of love with you. It is what it is. The logical next step for the two of you would be to decide whether to break up or stay in the relationship. The question is, Is it even possible to fall back in love? Can we choose to love a person or not?

One thing is certain – your relationship can’t be rekindled overnight. If you wish to bring back the magic, know that you will have to put in substantial time and effort into making the relationship work. You and your partner may be vastly different persons than you were at the beginning and these new versions of you may not be as compatible as before.

After all, choosing to end the relationship is also a viable option. There’s no point in prolonging something that just doesn’t work anymore unless you want to experience more pain as time goes by. However, if you choose to rekindle the spark, know that it can be done – but it won’t be easy.

How Can I Save My Relationship?

Saving a relationship that is no longer exciting is surely difficult but it can be done. If you decide to work things out with your partner, here are some tips:

Let go of past mistakes.
Embark on new adventures together.
Learn how to forgive.
Keep your expectations in check.
Share your thoughts with your partner.
Try to remember what brought you together.
Give yourself time.

Even if you follow these tips, you should know that your relationship may not work out despite all the effort. However, if you want to give your relationship your best shot, consider attending a couples retreat or a relationship workshop. With help from professional relationship coaches, you will learn more about your relationship and why it went downhill, as well as discover the best ways to rebuild it, heal your relational wounds, and change your survival patterns.

Bring Back The Magic With #1 Relationship Building Skills Workshop

Looking for an effective method to salvage a failing relationship? PIVOT can help! Whether you struggle with letting love into your life or fear that you no longer feel the same about your partner, the knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates are here to provide invaluable advice and insight with you.

At PIVOT, we provide assistance to couples and individuals with a whole range of relationship problems. Through comprehensive individual coaching and our five-day relationship coaching retreats at the Glass House, we can help you breathe new life into your relationship in no time. Reach out to us today!