Day: April 6, 2020

Many people seem to believe that vulnerability is a weakness, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unless you are willing to open up and show your vulnerable side to a potential partner, you can’t expect to build a meaningful and lasting relationship with them. 

Dating with trust issues that cause you to put up walls is hard. Without vulnerability and trust, a relationship is unlikely to move past the initial stages without substantial effort from both parties. And if it does, it’s possible that the lack of intimacy would lead to more serious relationship issues such as infidelity and betrayal. 

Unless you want to perpetuate the vicious cycle of trust issues and failed relationships, you should learn how to be vulnerable in the dating phase. Read on! 

How Can I Be Vulnerable When Dating?

If you have built walls so high that nobody can see the real you anymore, it’s only natural that you’d experience some trouble while dating. Know this – eventually, what you are too ashamed to reveal- will come out into the open over time if the relationship begins to progress. 

It is not good to disclose everything on the first two dates however, not revealing certain aspects or not telling the truth because of shame can result in being dumped – causing more pain. Fortunately, you can learn how to be more vulnerable if you are willing to put in the effort. Here are some steps you can take: 

How Do You Let Your Guard Down When Dating?

If you’re still healing from past hurts, learning how to be vulnerable and trust again is bound to take time. While letting your guard down won’t be easy if your wounds are deep, remember that you deserve to have a healthy and happy relationship and that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. 

Ways To Let Your Guard Down 

Letting your guard down will be easier if you follow some of these steps: 

• Communicate your needs openly. Letting a potential partner know what you are looking for in a relationship will prevent unnecessary disappointment. Being honest about what you want is the only way to get it. 
• Talk about your values and passions. Don’t be afraid to share your interests and passions with your date. They will be more likely to fall for you and appreciate you for who you are if they can see the passionate and quirky side of you. 
• Try revealing your fears. Similarly, you should strive to show the darker, more vulnerable parts of yourself if you want potential partners to get to know you properly. If a potential partner doesn’t appreciate this, they may not be the right person for you. 
• Be a good listener. Just as they should be willing to listen to you, you should make an effort to be attentive to what your date has to say about themselves. If you do so, they will feel more comfortable around you and it will be easier for you to trust them. 
• Love yourself first. You can’t expect to build a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself. Practice self care and work on healing your past wounds before you commit to anybody else.  
• Accept and validate your emotions. There’s no shame in feeling weak, jealous, or insecure. Healing is not an easy task, so make sure that you’re not too hard on yourself and accept the fact that getting better will take time. 
• Learn to let the past go. Letting go of past trauma is a must if you want to create meaningful connections. Do what you can to make peace with the past and try to find ways to learn from your previous mistakes or misfortunes. 

Is Dating Harder In Your 30s?

Dating in your thirties brings its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Here’s why dating in your thirties can be both a blessing and a curse:  

You Know Exactly Who You Are  

When you’re in your thirties, you are much more certain about who you are and what you’re looking for in your relationships. On one hand, this can make finding an ideal partner easier since you have a better chance of recognizing compatibility and potential in another person. On the other hand, however, you will be much less willing to change and compromise if things don’t go your way. 

You Are More Serious About Dating 

If you have your career and social life figured out, it’s hard to find the time to play games. When dating someone in your thirties, you want to be certain that the relationship is not wasting your time. This makes you more likely to let unpromising relationships go much faster than you would in your twenties. 

You Have To Deal With Lots of Pressure 

If you are a woman in your thirties, you’ve probably heard the phrase “biological clock” at least once from your friends and family. If you are a man, people have surely reminded you that all desirable ladies are already married. Such comments can be extremely frustrating and learning how to ignore them is not exactly easy. 

Learn How To Let Go Of Fear At Our Dating Problems Workshop

At PIVOT, we believe that every individual deserves meaningful and healthy relationships. Our knowledgeable PIVOT coaches can provide guidance every step of the way, from navigating the infatuation phase of dating to creating a deep connection with a partner. 

We offer carefully devised relationship solutions for individuals and couples, as well as a range of intensive dating workshops in your home or at the Glass House, our residential facility where you can learn to facilitate lasting change. Give us a call!  

Falling in love can be a breeze to some people and seemingly next to impossible for others. This is because all the overwhelming feelings we have when we start falling in love can make us irrational and confused. But why do we fall in love? Are there any rules on how and why we fall for certain people? 

If you are struggling with navigating the dating world, understanding why you become attracted to certain individuals can be of immense benefit. At our relationship coaching retreat for singles, we can help you explore your dating patterns, learn how to let your guard down, and build stronger and happier relationships. 

Read on to find out why we fall in love and whether we have any choice when the butterflies start to kick in.  

Why Do We Fall In Love With Certain People?

If you asked ten people to tell you why they fall in love, it’s very likely that you’d get ten different answers. This is because most of us don’t really know what makes us feel a certain way towards a person, but we’d still try to give specific answers usually related to physical attraction, chemistry, or similar interests.  

Reasons We Fall In Love 

Do We Choose Who We Fall In Love With?

Before discussing if falling in love is a choice or not, we have to establish one essential difference: loving someone and falling in love are not the same thing.

The Difference Between Infatuation And Love

While you may fall for a certain person because they are a good match for you based on the above-mentioned factors, you will have to make a conscious decision to commit and work on a relationship. In this sense, we do choose who we love. 

On the other hand, we may not have the same amount of control over who we are attracted to. Romantic love, that is, the picture of love that we typically see in movies and literature is actually a little more than an obsession. Of course, this does not mean that falling in love is not a valid feeling – we all know how powerful, exhilarating, and enjoyable the initial infatuation can be. 

In a nutshell, you can have a crush on someone or be in love without having much of a say in the matter. If the initial attraction is strong enough, you may decide to jump into the relationship and see if it works. Once the infatuation fades, you will have to make a conscious choice to stay in love. 

Can A Player Fall In Love?

Most of us know at least one person who considers themselves a ‘player’. They don’t plan on settling down and pride themselves on having numerous casual relationships. But can such a person change their ways and actually fall in love? 

The short answer would be: yes, it is possible for a ‘player’ to fall in love. More often than not, these individuals put up barriers to protect their sensitive cores from disappointment and hurt. They may be acting this way because they are struggling to forget about an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and, as a result, all their new relationships seem to pale in comparison. 

Signs A Player Will Never Change

However, trying to make a player fall in love with you can do you more harm than good if you’re not careful. Not all people who act this way are sensitive souls who crave an understanding and caring partner. Some of them simply like the excitement of casual relationships and won’t change their ways just because you choose to shower them with love. 

Here’s how you can tell that a person won’t easily change: 

• They never stop talking about other people they are attracted to. 
• They make you feel insecure. 
• They are overly jealous. 
• They act differently when surrounded by their friends. 
• They criticize you constantly. 
• They don’t seem ready to commit. 

Looking for Codependency Retreats in California? PIVOT Is Here To Help! 

If you struggle to find success in the dating world, don’t despair! With help from seasoned experts for relationship coaching, you can understand your dating patterns and find ways to build deeper and healthier connections with potential partners. 

The purpose of our high-result relationship coaching for individuals as well as our in-depth couples retreats is to help you find dating success by understanding yourself and your relational wounds. Reach out to us today and find out more! 

As much as you want to believe that your relationship can recover after infidelity and that putting time and effort into its recovery will be worth your while, here’s where it gets tricky: infidelity makes things messy and complicated. It leaves the partner who was cheated on with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment and the partner who cheated with the feelings of guilt  – intensified while the other partner is trying to get to a place of forgiveness.

If one of you was unfaithful, yet both of you are now willing to make it work, what can you do to initiate the healing process and rebuild a healthy relationship? If you agree that your relationship is worth saving, can it survive and last? What does the future have in store for your relationship?

Dealing With The Aftermath Of Infidelity

If this is what you and your partner are going through at the moment, you might be having difficulty being in the same room with each other, let alone communicating about what happened. But understanding what led to infidelity could be vital to dealing with its aftermath. Seeing a professional relationship coach or going to a private couple retreat for reconnection can help you get to the bottom of the problem.

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater: Is It True? 

If you fear that a partner who cheated once will do it again, you’ll have to bite the bullet: yes, it could be true. But it’s far from a universal truth. The damage is done, but if both partners are equally willing to make it work, there is hope yet. This depends mainly on whether partners can regain and rebuild mutual trust and make room for reconnection, understanding and forgiveness. 

Distrust is toxic, destructive and breeds dysfunction. Continuing mistrust toward the partner could doom a relationship that might be worth saving. Whether it was you or your partner who cheated, the situation will be beyond help if there is continued distrust between you over a long period of time.  Initially, there will be distrust – it is to be expected during the time it takes to get the trust back.

Can You Move Past Cheating?

First and foremost: you have to give yourself time, regardless of whether it was you or your partner who cheated. Couples can and do overcome and bounce back after infidelity, sometimes with renewed passion.

But moving past cheating and staying together with a cheating partner is possible if you meet the main criterion: confront and deal with your own unresolved issues. If you continue to harbor resentment toward your partner because they cheated, you can never truly move past it.

To make matters worse, the unresolved anger and resentment could have a detrimental effect on you as a person and render you incapable of truly moving on. Having unresolved issues because you were cheated on can have a lasting impact on your emotional and romantic life. Even if you decide to end the relationship in which you were cheated on, the frustration you have failed to deal with could spill over and have an impact on your new relationship.

Provided that both of you are willing to go all out and capable of mustering the strength to salvage the relationship, can you do it on your own or should you seek professional help and guidance? Together with your partner, you can try a relationship building skills workshop or better yet, a private couple retreat for reconnection. If you think you could use some alone time to try and overcome issues of your own, perhaps you should try working alongside an individual coaching expert beforehand.

How Often Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?

Cheating appears to be common among both men and women, even in what are supposed to be loving, committed relationships. How often is it a deal breaker? The statistics appear grim.

According to some estimates, few couples who have experienced infidelity can rework their relationship and make it last. Almost half of the couples decide to end the relationship immediately after the truth comes out and a third decide to try and make it work but break up eventually. This is primarily because the couple did not get help initially.  

Most people are caught off guard by their partner’s infidelity. Whether because they fail to recognize issues in their relationship or because they trust their partner without reservation, they never see it coming. Whether or not they can overcome and truly recover from infidelity could depend on the circumstances under which infidelity took place:

• The partner’s willingness to discuss the affair openly,
• The details of the affair,
• The level of emotional intimacy between partners.

Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

If attempts at reconciliation and recovery are one-sided, it’s pointless to even try to patch things up. If you and your partners are committed to making it work and bringing the romance back to life, challenging times lie ahead however it can become healthy again. In some cases – relationships can actually become BETTER than ever. 

It’s extremely difficult for a couple to go back to normal and rebuild trust in their relationship after infidelity because trust violation is inevitable. The partner who was cheated on is likely to have major trust issues, and so will the partner who cheated. Keep in mind that people who cheat on a regular basis are often jealous and suspicious of their partners because they project their own negative emotions and desires onto others.

Chances are you both could use some time to think things through and possibly some alone time. You can consider taking a break from your relationship and then start over if you both feel it is the right thing to do. Some couples choose to attend a couple relationship management workshop as part of the healing process.

Steps To Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair

Bounce Back With Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities!

Smoothing things over with your partner and rebuilding a strong and healthy relationship is hard work, especially after infidelity or adultery. Regardless of which partner had the affair, you need to join hands and work toward recovery. It’s time to pick up the pieces, and we are here to give you our support and professional guidance through our relationship workshops. 

Some couples find that they can make most progress with individual coaching sessions, and others prefer to take our customized intensive workshops. The PIVOT process could be the answer you have been looking for. Call now!

We all experience emotional distress in our relationships for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the relationships we build with other people can even seem like the main cause of our unhappiness. If this sounds like you, you may be wondering if a knowledgeable relationship coach would be able to help you overcome your emotional struggles. 

Whether you have trouble letting your guard down while dating or want to find out how to deal with cheating in your relationship, there’s a good chance that you would benefit from individual or couples relationship coaching. Keep reading to find out how this type of coaching can help you transform your life and heal your emotional wounds. 

What Is Relationship Coaching? 

Relationship coaches aim to help you achieve positive behavioral change in your relationships by providing effective and long-lasting solutions. The PIVOT Process, in particular, is designed to help you grow and reconnect with the people in your life in the shortest amount of time possible. Our PIVOT Advocates make this possible by carefully listening to what you have to say and devising high-impact solutions for your specific situation through our individualized curriculum.  

If you are yearning for change in your life, then the PIVOT Process might be the perfect way to start on your path to self-improvement. Relationship coaching can help you uncover underlying behavioral patterns and provide effective ways for transforming them. 

How Can Coaching Help A Relationship? 

Seeking help from relationship experts can enhance your life in a myriad of ways. So, if you are thinking about taking a break from your relationship or struggle to keep your relationship healthy, relationship coaching may bring the relief you are seeking. 

Benefits Of Relationship Coaching

Our individual, couples, family coaching and retreat workshops can have a positive effect on your relationships because change starts with yourself. 

What Is Individual Coaching?

If you wish to start your path to a healthier emotional life with individual sessions, you may not be entirely sure what this type of coaching entails. Here’s how individual coaching can benefit you and your relationships. 

Learn How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships 

The purpose of individual coaching is to enable you to better understand why you do what you do in relationships. See how your childhood relationships and past hurts have influenced your adult life and work on changing your negative patterns. By understanding your particular attachment style, you will learn how to identify your relationship needs and work on building healthier behavioral patterns.  Uncovering and knowing what you want and need in relationships, then asking for what you want and need, and then being able to accept others responses when they may not mirror your own wants and needs. 

Individual Coaching Will Illuminate Your Emotional Intelligence. 

Getting to know yourself better is the first step toward facilitating lasting change in your emotional life. With the help of PIVOT Advocates, you will not only build self-awareness but you will also enhance your self-esteem and learn how to handle conflict in your relationships without bitterness and resentment. 

Start Building Happy And Healthy Relationships 

Individual relationship coaching has one main goal – to help you live better and create healthier and happier connections with the people in your life. The valuable insights you will gain from the PIVOT Process will provide the perfect starting point for your journey to personal and relational improvement. 

How Do I Know If I Need Couples Relationship Coaching? 

Not sure if you and your partner should go to a relationship coaching workshop? Yes, all couples fight, but it’s not always easy to determine when enough is enough. Here are some signs that you and your partner may benefit from a coaching retreat of workshops: 

• You fight about the same issues constantly. Having the same fights over and over usually means that there is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. 
• Your partner doesn’t provide emotional support. If you get more support from outside of the relationship than from your partner, it might be time for an intensive workshop. 
• You keep criticizing each other. Sure, there’s such thing as constructive criticism, receiving nothing but negative remarks from your partner is never a good sign. 
• You feel angry with your partner all the time. If you feel constant anger and dissatisfaction in your relationship, individual relationship coaching is the best place to start.  Then you can take what you have learned and apply it to repairing and restoring the relationship with your partner. 

Do I Need Individual Coaching AND Couples Coaching? 

If your relationship with your partner is not healthy – it is a good idea to start with working on yourself and also having couples coaching sessions periodically during the process.  It is healthy and recommended to start applying what you are learning about yourself to your partner. This can – for many couples – be a form of intimacy that is crucial to repairing a challenging relationship.  

• Individual coaching focuses on the individual. This form of coaching is a good choice if you need help working through personal issues or reaching your goals. However, since individual understanding and growth are necessary for establishing healthy relationships, this type of coaching or our 5-day individual retreat at The Glass House can come prior to couples retreats.
• Couples coaching is effective if you feel like your relationship with your partner is causing you distress and needs attention immediately. The choice between these two forms of coaching will depend on your preferences and the nature of the issue.  Our coaches can help you with a plan that will best fit your needs.  

Either way, the experienced PIVOT coaches will make sure that your intensive workshop brings you maximum benefits by targeting the core issues and allowing you to resolve them in a way that feels comfortable and is optimally effective for your particular needs. 

Create Meaningful Connections With The Help From A PIVOT Relationship Coach 

Struggling to find peace and meaning in your relationships? Let us help. At PIVOT, we provide emotional guidance for individuals and couples in the form of effective relationship coaching and intensive relationship-building skills workshops. With a little bit of courage and help from our experienced PIVOT Advocates, you can take immediate action to change your life for the better. Reach out to us today! 

Being in a relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies, especially once the honeymoon period passes. While it’s easy to believe that love is all a relationship needs to stay healthy, maintaining happy and meaningful connections with your loved ones actually requires substantial time and effort from both parties in the relationship. 

Building trust in a relationship requires more than just love and attending an intensive workshop is often the best course of action for many couples. In this article, we will share valuable advice from relationship coaches on maintaining healthier relationships even in the face of serious challenges such as infidelity from your partner or trying to rekindle the magic after taking a relationship break. Read on! 

How do you keep a relationship strong and healthy?

If you wish your relationship to work, you need to be ready to put in some work. A healthy relationship takes commitment and courage, no matter what the movies may tell you. Often, a  healthy relationship can even seem boring to some people, precisely because we’re constantly bombarded with the idea of young couples who are madly in love with each other but don’t actually experience real struggles in their relationship.

Qualities of a healthy relationship

While no two relationships are the same, there are certain qualities that all happy relationships have in common. The following characteristics are typical of healthy relationships: 

• You and your partner don’t shy away from necessary conflict. Occasional disagreement is perfectly normal in any relationship. While you may be inclined to avoid conflict, you should know that being able to have a healthy argument is key to maintaining a healthy connection with your partner. 
• You are able to communicate honestly and openly. Communication is the cornerstone of a happy relationship. You and your partner should be comfortable expressing your thoughts and needs to each other without fear or embarrassment. 
• You have a deep and lasting connection. A relationship can’t be truly healthy without emotional intimacy. A lack of emotional connection and trust can create distance and easily result in you and your partner drifting apart. 
• You have your own life but also have common interests. You can’t expect your partner to meet your every need. Instead, you should both have your unique interests and personalities, as well as maintain healthy connections with people outside of the relationship too. 

Are words important in a relationship?

While saying “I love you” a million times per day won’t actually make a relationship healthy, words definitely have a considerable power to change the way we relate to the ones we love. How you communicate with your partner in private and in public can have a significant impact on your relationship. 

For instance, choosing kind words when speaking with your partner will make them feel appreciated and loved, while adopting a harsh communication style may subconsciously decrease their self-esteem and create resentment. In general, compliments, positive and reassuring language, and a calm demeanor in arguments have the power to strengthen and deepen the emotional connection you have with your partner. 

What are the three C’s in a healthy relationship?

Creating and maintaining lasting relationships requires much more than just love. In fact, sustaining a healthy relationship is much more difficult than many people seem to believe. Luckily, there is a way to simplify what a relationship needs to thrive. Here are the three C’s that can help you make your relationship last. 

Communication

This one is a no-brainer. Unless you and your partner are able to communicate openly and honestly about your needs, fears, and thoughts, you can’t expect the relationship to remain healthy for too long. Instead of sweeping problems under the rug, you should be comfortable with raising difficult topics without anger and drama. 

Compromise 

You and your partner are two individuals with different values, needs, and personalities. If you are able to accept your differences and find common ground, both of you will feel understood and appreciated. Being able to compromise is a must if you wish to keep your relationship strong and healthy. 

Commitment 

All lasting relationships are built on one thing –  genuine and ongoing commitment. This means that both you and your partner should be willing to give and persist through challenges if you wish for the relationship to work. Building trust and deepening emotional intimacy takes time but is absolutely necessary for any healthy relationship. 

How do you maintain love in a relationship?

Revive your relationship at our couples retreat & relationship workshop

Sometimes, seeking help from professional relationship coaches is the best course to take if you feel like your relationship needs a little push. At PIVOT, we work with couples and individuals who want to create and maintain meaningful relationships in their life. 

Why not start improving your relationships today? You can do so either by attending our high-impact relationship workshops or exploring your relational wounds through our intensive coaching sessions for individuals and couples. Contact us today!