Author: Lori Jean Glass

In the realm of human emotions, love stands as one of the most profound and influential forces. It shapes our lives, guiding our deepest relationships and molding our most cherished memories. Yet, within this landscape of love and intimacy, a complex and often painful dynamic emerges: betrayal and lies in a relationship.

This exploration into the different types of betrayal in a relationship aims to bring clarity and understanding to a topic often shrouded in confusion and hurt. It can be easier to navigate the complex world of love once you understand the nuances of this topic.

Knowing more about this can help us recognize the signs, understand the consequences, and perhaps most importantly, learn how to heal and rebuild when trust is broken. As we delve deeper into these themes, we gain insights not just into the nature of broken trust but also into the resilience of love and the strength it takes to forge lasting bonds despite life’s inevitable challenges.

What Are The Different Types Of Betrayal?

In relationships, trust can be broken in several ways, each bringing its own set of problems and pain:

1. Emotional Infidelity

One common type of betrayal in a relationship is emotional infidelity. This happens when someone starts sharing those deep, personal thoughts and feelings with someone other than their partner. It’s like forming a close emotional bond that is otherwise exclusive to their significant other. 

This kind of situation can leave one partner feeling left out and neglected. It’s tricky because it often starts off looking like just a friendship, yet then it crosses a line that the unfaithful individual didn’t even see was there.

2. Physical Infidelity

This is one of the most obvious ways trust gets broken. It’s when one person in the relationship gets physically involved with someone else. It can hurt a lot because it breaks the agreement of being exclusive to each other. Besides the emotional pain, it can also bring up worries about safety and health.

3. Financial Dishonesty

Not being upfront about money matters can be as harmful as cheating. This includes hiding debts or making big money decisions without including the other partner. Once an individual finds out that the other partner hasn’t been honest about finances, it can shake trust in them and affect everything from daily life to plans for the future.

4. Dishonesty And Deception

Deception is also a common form of betrayal and lies in a relationship. Dishonesty, big or small, chips away at trust over time. The damage depends on what the person is dishonest about and how often this happens. When it’s about important things, it can make one partner start to question everything about the relationship.

5. Neglect And Indifference

This one can be sneaky because it’s not about doing something – it’s about not doing something. When one partner doesn’t pay attention to the other’s needs or feelings, it hurts the relationship. It’s like saying, “I’m not here for you,” whether it’s not being there in tough times, missing important events, or just not being part of the regular, everyday stuff that keeps you connected.

What Is An Example Of Betrayal In A Relationship?

To gain a clearer understanding of these trust issues in relationships, let’s look at some hypothetical scenarios:

1. Emotional affair

An example of emotional betrayal and lies in a relationship is seen in the case of Sarah. Sarah is married, yet she gradually becomes emotionally closer to her co-worker, John. They begin to share personal stories, dreams, and frustrations. As their bond deepens, Sarah finds herself confiding in John about thoughts and feelings she doesn’t share with her husband.

This growing emotional distance leaves her husband feeling deeply hurt and replaced when he discovers their connection. The pain is intensified because he feels ousted from his role as her primary emotional confidant, which he believed was a key part of their marriage.

2. Financial dishonesty

Tom has been secretly engaging in online gambling, leading to a considerable accumulation of debt. He hides this from his wife, fearing her reaction. When she eventually learns the truth, she is left shocked and deeply hurt not only by the financial strain but also by the intricate web of deception Tom created to hide his actions. This situation strains their current financial stability and casts doubts on their future plans and decision-making as a couple.

3. Physical infidelity

Physical infidelity, as demonstrated in Sophie’s experience, marks a clear example of a different type of betrayal in relationships. Sophie has been feeling a growing disconnect with her partner. Her unease about his fidelity is confirmed when she accidentally discovers incriminating messages on his phone.

The realization of his physical affair deeply shakes her, breaking the trust she had and affecting her sense of security in the relationship. The impact is especially painful as it undermines the foundational agreement of exclusivity and trust that Sophie believed was central to their relationship.

What Is The Highest Form Of Betrayal In A Relationship?

The most severe form of trust breach in a relationship is highly subjective and varies from person to person. For some, the deepest cut comes from emotional infidelity, while others may find actions like financial deceit or physical unfaithfulness to be more damaging. Often, it’s not just a single incident, it’s a combination of these trust issues.

The length of time over which the deceit has occurred, the level of emotional investment involved, and the effect on the affected partner’s sense of self and security are all important factors here.

The most profound form of this usually involves a combination of these elements, leading to a scenario where the affected partner feels completely undermined and undervalued in the relationship. This could manifest as an ongoing emotional affair, combined with financial dishonesty, and further compounded by physical infidelity.

This scenario shows the complexity of betrayal and lies in a relationship, underlying how multiple breaches of trust can intertwine, leading to a profound impact on the relationship. Such a combination may be particularly devastating as it strikes at multiple facets of trust and commitment all at once.

If you find yourself in this situation, remember the importance of communication and consider seeking professional help if the situation feels overwhelming. Broken trust doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship, yet addressing it openly and honestly is crucial for any chance of reconciliation and healing.

Learn How To Overcome Different Types Of Betrayal In A Relationship With Pivot

Exploring the challenges of trust issues in relationships can sometimes feel overwhelming, and remember, you’re not alone in this journey. PIVOT is here to guide you towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

At our serene Glass House Retreat, you’ll find a team of skilled coaches ready to offer you empathetic support and practical strategies. We focus on helping you understand the complexities of trust issues in relationships, recognizing early signs, and providing effective methods to address and heal from them.

In our tranquil and supportive environment, you’ll be able to embark on a transformative journey toward self-discovery and relationship empowerment. Whether you prefer group programs or personalized one-on-one coaching sessions, our approach is customized to meet your unique needs.

Begin your path to stronger, more trusting relationships today. Reach out to us and take the first step towards nurturing and rebuilding the connections that matter most to you.

Betrayal is as old as time. Judas and Jesus. Cain and Abel. Samson and Delilah. Brutus and Caesar. Anna Karenina and Alexei Karenin. Anne Boleyn and Thomas Cromwell. Scar and Mufasa. Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape. King Arthur and Mordred.

Regardless of the story, regardless of the setting, regardless of whether it’s fact or fiction, history or legend – betrayal is an unfortunate and omnipresent part of our reality. So, how come no one ever sees it coming?

Is it because the human brain is “programmed” not to recognize signs of betrayal in friendships, intimate partnerships, or professional relationships? Or is it because the prospect of experiencing mental, emotional, and physical symptoms of betrayal trauma is so terrifying that we subconsciously choose to ignore it?

What Does Betrayal Trauma Do To A Person?

Experiencing betrayal can have a profound and enduring detrimental impact on virtually every aspect of a person’s well-being, including their mental and physical health, emotional stability, cognitive capabilities, and future relationships, among others.

As such, discovering signs of betrayal in friendship, romantic partnership, or even professional relationships can be devastating to the person on the receiving end. To understand how and why, first, we need to understand which perpetrator’s actions and behaviors constitute betrayal.

What Are The Signs Of Betrayal In Relationship Psychology?

Detecting signs of betrayal in a friendship, marriage, or even a professional relationship can be challenging for two reasons:

• Each relationship is unique. The intensity and dynamics may vary significantly, and so can the (precipice) upon which it’s built. This renders some signs of betrayal more relevant than others, depending on the individual circumstances of the relationship.
• These signs do not definitely indicate betrayal. However, their persistence and/or continuous increase in intensity can signal the existence of a deeper problem, prompting caution when approaching their interpretation.

With that being said, here are potential signs of betrayal in a relationship, from a psychological standpoint:

• Change in communication patterns: evasiveness, avoidance of certain topics, secrecy, reluctance/refusal to engage in open and honest communication;
• Emotional distance: gradual disengagement, indifference, or alienation of the partner;
• Behavioral shifts: significant and sometimes extreme changes in routines and habits;
• Defensiveness: being oversensitive when faced with questions regarding their activities, interactions, or whereabouts;
• Mood swings: drastic and sudden changes in disposition, with no obvious (logical) cause;
• Excessive secrecy: sudden and extreme guardedness, especially regarding privacy (e.g personal space, devices, accounts, etc.);
• Decline in intimacy: lack of interest in personal or emotional closeness;
• Financial discrepancies: unexplained expenses; undisclosed or hidden financial activities;
• Lack of transparency: being dishonest, secretive, or deceptive about plans, activities, and interactions.

Whether proven true or misinterpreted, the above signs carry great potential to cause internal turmoil which can contribute to the formation of betrayal trauma. Even at a glance, it’s easy to see how each sign can constitute a breach of trust.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Betrayal?

Considering how trust is the very foundation upon which any healthy relationship resides, it shattering can (and often does) leave lasting consequences on the victim. Long-term signs of betrayal trauma can roughly be sorted into six categories, as follows:

• Emotional consequences are the most numerous and, arguably, the most intense. They include:
  • Chronic emotional distress; 
  • Persistent feeling of intense sadness, similar to grief; 
  • Emotional scars that can contribute to the formation of fear to vulnerability;
  • Altered worldviews, typically shifting toward skeptical or cynical;
  • Difficulty forgiving or letting go in various aspects of life, not only relationships;
  • Diminished self-esteem and self-worth.
• Mental health challenges stemming from excessive emotional turmoil may include the development or exacerbation of various issues, even to the point of them being clinically diagnosable:
  • Mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression;
  • PTSD-like symptoms, such as hypervigilance, insomnia, and dissociation;
• Relational effects of betrayal trauma can hinder a person’s capability to form new or maintain healthy relationships due to the:
  • Pervasive trust issues can shape victims’ behavior, causing them to approach any interaction with an extreme dose of cautiousness;
  • Fear of vulnerability can render a person incapable of opening up.
• Cognitive difficulties
  • Impaired cognitive functions, such as difficulty focusing or concentrating, can have significant detrimental effects on a person’s day-to-day functioning;
  • Recurring intrusive thoughts may resurface unexpectedly and cause a person to relive the traumatic event, making it difficult to move on and further hindering daily routine;
  • Dissociation can lead to feelings of detachment or unreality, even causing a person to respond or behave in certain ways without being fully aware of their actions.
• Behavioral issues usually develop as maladaptive coping mechanisms and a way of adapting to a new situation and can include:
  • Self-isolation can be a person’s way to shield themselves from potential emotional harm or relational vulnerabilities;
  • Increased irritability is a response to the experienced breach of trust, serving both as a way to express pain or frustration and as an attempt to “push away” potential emotional harm;
  • Substance abuse disorder (SUD) which can potentially lead to full-blown addiction.
• Physical signs of betrayal trauma are diverse and a common manifestation of internal turmoil. These may include:
  • Disrupted sleep patterns, including insomnia and nightmares;
  • Changes in appetite, such as overeating or undereating;
  • Digestive problems, such as indigestion, stomachaches, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS);
  • Palpitations or elevated heart rate are a common response to stress;
  • Weight fluctuations, sometimes to the point of extreme (e.g. obesity or malnutrition);
  • Chronic fatigue, despite adequate and sufficient rest;
  • Frequent or chronic headaches, typically associated with constant tension;
  • The compromised immune system, caused by chronic emotional distress;
  • Sexual dysfunction and decreased libido.

The detrimental effects are even further exacerbated by the fact that betrayal often comes suddenly and unexpectedly, adding shock and disbelief to an already difficult situation, effectively rendering the victim incapable of taking constructive steps to remedy the situation.

What Is Post Betrayal Syndrome?

The “Post Betrayal Syndrome” is a concept used to describe responses an individual can experience after they’ve been betrayed, and includes a cluster of emotional, cognitive, and physical symptoms of betrayal trauma:

• Re-experiencing the event through intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or dreams;
• Hyperarousal, which can manifest as hypervigilance and heightened irritability;
• Avoidance of triggers (e.g. situations, individuals) that remind them of betrayal, even to the point of self-isolation;
• Negative changes in cognition and mood, result from the altered perception of the world and diminished sense of self-worth.

While the concept of Post Betrayal Syndrome accurately depicts the combination of responses mentioned above, it is not formally recognized as a clinical term or a psychological disorder. Rather, it is a descriptor used to delineate the (long-term) impact of betrayal on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Addressing the signs of betrayal trauma and its effects often requires professional assistance, typically a combination of therapeutic interventions (e.g., coaching, psychotherapy, etc.), leaning on a reliable support system (e.g., family, friends, support groups), and above all, commitment to the healing process and everything it entails.

Turn To PIVOT If You Recognize Signs Of Betrayal Trauma In Friendships Or Romantic Relationships?

Experiencing betrayal trauma is not a sign of weakness but an indication that you deserve to be in an honest, healthy relationship. With PIVOT’s help, you can start down the path of recovery and learn to overcome the pain of betrayal. At our rejuvenating Glass House Retreat, every individual coaching session is tailored to your specific needs and circumstances.

Our experienced coaches are here to help you understand and address the emotional, mental, and physical symptoms of betrayal trauma, ensuring that you receive not only support but empowerment every step of the way. Reach out to us today and step into the future free from the weight of betrayal!

Anyone who’s ever felt a cold touch of betrayal was left with only one question on their lips: “Why?” 

However, what most victims don’t realize is – that’s not always the best “Why?” to focus on.” “Why did I deserve this?” “Why did it happen to me?” “Why did I allow it to happen?”

All of these questions, as well as their variations, start from the same premise: that the victim is somehow responsible for the actions of the perpetrator. While this couldn’t be further from the truth, feeling betrayed in a relationship seemingly often leaves a person with no other choice other than to think in that direction. The pain is hard to bare. And, internalizing and personalizing the breakup is often what people do. 

However, the operating word here is “seemingly”. If we turn the attention outwards, towards the actions of a perpetrator, rather than inwards, toward the effect said actions had on a victim, the reasons for betrayal in a relationship become crystal clear.

What Causes Betrayal In A Relationship?

For anyone who was ever left feeling betrayed in a relationship, this question was the cause of many a sleepless night. The reason for this is that victims often end up blaming themselves for their partner’s betrayal.

They may even go as far as to think it’s their actions (or lack thereof) or behaviors that are causes of betrayal in a relationship. Before we go any further, it is critical to understand that this way of thinking is just plain wrong.

The responsibility for betrayal lies exclusively with the betrayer, and victims are not to blame for the actions of their partners – unless the partner truly has a part. Years of withholding physical touch, constant criticism,  etc. With that established, we may now move on to explain different reasons and motives behind the betrayal.

What Are The Motives For Betrayal?

Betrayal, both as a concept and behavior, is incredibly complex. There are many contributing factors leading up to it, most of which can be difficult to comprehend, especially for individuals on the receiving end.

Given the multifaceted nature of the issue, the causes of betrayal in a relationship are seldom one-sided and rooted deeply in the person’s psyche. Therefore, if we were to view this issue through the lens of psychology, reasons for betrayal may be sorted into several distinct categories:

• Unmet needs: If a person feels that their needs (emotional, physical, or sexual) are consistently being unmet within a relationship, they may be inclined to seek fulfillment outside the confines of the established partnership.
• Lack of communication: Misunderstandings and unresolved issues resulting from poor communication practices can potentiate betrayal as a way to cope or express dissatisfaction.
• Desire for novelty: Craving something different, more stimulating than the current partnership offers, whether it be excitement or new experiences, can be a potential trigger. Unsurprisingly, this is among the most common causes of betrayal in marriage or other long-term relationships characterized by uneventfulness or staleness.
• Unresolved issues: Individuals caught in a perpetual internal struggle may view betrayal as a “solution” to their problem or distraction.
• Insecurity: Low self-esteem and self-worth often drive a person to seek attention and affirmation from others, and betrayal can be their source of validation outside of the relationship.
• Poor impulse control: Acting on immediate desire, without forethought or consideration for the consequences, is among the common betrayal reasons in a relationship.
• Lack of empathy: A person who struggles to understand the emotions of others, may exhibit a blatant disregard for their partner’s feelings, going as far as to view betrayal as completely acceptable.
• Mental health issues: Some psychological problems, such as depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder, can be more prone to engage in actions that constitute betrayal.
• External factors: In some instances, peer pressure, societal influences, and cultural norms may be the underlying cause of betrayal in a relationship.

It’s critical to note that, while the above reasons can help explain betrayal, they do NOT excuse or justify it by any means and under no circumstances.

Why Would Someone Betray You?

Now that we know what causes betrayal from a psychological perspective, it’s time to take a different approach and explore the problem in the context of learned behaviors. Here are several personality traits of individuals prone to betrayal:

• They’re entitled: Some individuals consider themselves “above the rest”, thinking that societal norms and rules don’t apply to them. Often, this (mis)leads them to believe that there will be no consequences for their actions. Or, they are entitled to “love” because they come from complex trauma and are entitled to “love.”
• They’re irresponsible: People who avoid taking responsibility for their actions or behaviors often resort to lies as a “get out of jail free card”. Whether it’s omission or blatant dishonesty, lies in any form more often than not constitute betrayal in the eyes of a victim.
• They’re unscrupulous: For integrity-deprived individuals, betrayal can be a means to an end; a simple tool to be used for personal gain, regardless of the consequences it may leave on a receiving party.
• They’re selfish: If we were to oversimplify betrayal, we could say that it is putting one person’s needs above the other’s. Selfish individuals act without consideration for other people’s needs or emotions, prioritizing their own fulfillment at the expense of their partner and relationship as a whole.
• They lack commitment: Painful as it may be to admit, betrayers may simply not care for you enough to prioritize mutual well-being. They may even go as far as to consider a relationship a “disposable resource”, to be discarded when a better opportunity arises.
• They’re opportunistic: Impulsive and unprincipled individuals may engage in behaviors that increase the likelihood of betrayal simply because the opportunity to experience something new or different presents itself.

Finally, two important things must be noted here. First, the aforementioned traits aren’t mutually exclusive and individuals may exhibit them or their combination to various degrees. Second, human behavior is influenced by a myriad of factors. Just because someone possesses certain personality traits does not guarantee that they will commit to certain behaviors.

Address The Root Causes Of Betrayal In A Relationship With PIVOT’s Help

If you’re feeling betrayed in a relationship, struggling to understand the reasons and motivations behind such actions, it is time to turn to PIVOT. Our dedicated coaching sessions delve deep into the intricacies of human behavior, helping you gain clarity and chart a course toward a future free of the pain of betrayal.

Workshops take place in the safe and serene environment of our Glass House Retreat, perfectly complementing our tailored approach to introspection, self-growth, and empowerment. Get in touch with us today and let our mindful team guide you toward emotional rejuvenation!