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Author: Lori Jean Glass

When Should You Walk Away From Your Marriage?

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

Knowing when to walk away from a marriage can feel like staring into a mirror you no longer recognize—seeing the sadness in your own eyes yet still hoping the reflection will change. You’ve swallowed doubts, buried anger, and whispered to yourself that “things will get better,” only to watch those worries resurface in every tough conversation.

Now the mirror won’t let you look away. You sense the decision looming, replaying what-ifs about whether this love could have been saved while simultaneously feeling the knot in your stomach tighten at the thought of divorce. When you reach the end of that emotional rope, the tug of reality can be as painful as it is clarifying.

Deciding to end a marriage is profoundly challenging, but understanding the relationship dynamics at play—abuse, chronic disrespect, or simply two paths that no longer converge—protects both your mental health and your family’s future. The sections below break down clear warning signs, reflective questions, and actionable next steps to help you choose a path that safeguards your well-being.

Quick Safety Check: Leave Immediately If…

Non-Negotiables

  • Any form of physical, sexual, or severe verbal abuse
  • Threats to you, your children, or pets
  • Unchecked addiction that endangers the household
  • Criminal activity that puts you at legal or financial risk
  • Coercive control (tracking devices, isolation from friends, financial lock-down)

Recognizing When to Walk Away from a Marriage

Person reflecting on whether to leave a relationship

There really isn’t one occasion where you say OK, it’s over now, pick up your things, pack your bags and walk away. Love and marriage don’t work that way except in cases of physical or emotional violence, when it’s vital to find protection and assistance as soon as possible.

In most marriages, discontent creeps into your daily life without you or your spouse even noticing, causing small dings in your relationship to become cracks and allowing those cracks to develop into ravines that prevent you from finding common ground. And then, one day, you fall into the never-ending hole of spiraling unhappiness, not being able to remember the last time you smiled.

This can be the point of you having enough of it and deciding it’s time to end it. Also, there are more signs that can point to the fact that it’s time to keep walking in the opposite direction of your marriage:

  1. Contempt or harsh criticism replaces respect and affection. Eye-rolling, sarcasm, and put-downs become the norm.
  2. Repeated infidelity or other major betrayals have shattered trust, and your partner shows no sustained transparency or remorse.
  3. Stonewalling—one partner shuts down every serious talk or simply refuses to engage.
  4. Chronic loneliness: you feel single inside the relationship and rarely share meaningful moments or quality time.
  5. Fundamental value clash on parenting, money, or lifestyle goals that neither of you is willing to bridge.
  6. One-sided effort: you’re the only one making compromises, carrying responsibilities, or nurturing the relationship.
  7. Self-focused or toxic behavior—selfish choices, lack of appreciation, or ongoing emotional manipulation.
  8. Recurring, unresolved conflicts that circle back again and again without true resolution.
  9. Loss of intimacy and excitement—physical connection is absent or purely mechanical, and emotional closeness has faded.
  10. Refusal to seek help: your partner dismisses counseling, mediation, or any structured attempt to repair the marriage.

Additional indicators that it may be time to walk away from a marriage include persistent feelings of unhappiness, emotional detachment, and recurring unresolved conflicts. Recognizing these signs is essential for making informed decisions about your relationship’s future.

What Is A Walkaway Wife/Husband?

A walkaway spouse is a partner—often but not always a wife—who appears to leave “out of the blue” after months or years of feeling ignored, unheard, or chronically unhappy. Research shows roughly two-thirds of U.S. divorces are initiated by women, many of whom say they asked for change repeatedly before finally detaching and filing for divorce.

Why it matters: The walkaway dynamic is the end stage of emotional disconnection. Recognizing the early cues below can give both partners a chance to address issues before someone silently checks out.

Early Cues Your Partner Is Quietly Checking Out

These subtle signs often surface months—or years—before the decisive red flags above.

  • Complaints disappear. Silence replaces feedback because they no longer expect change.
  • Conversations shrink to logistics. School pickups and bills dominate; meaningful topics and laughter fade.
  • Courtesy without care. Polite but cool; eye-rolls slip through even when they say “I’m fine.”
  • Children or work become the focus. Emotional energy pours into parenting, job, or hobbies.
  • Passion feels pencilled in. Sex happens occasionally but affectionate spontaneity is rare.
  • Feelings stay under lock and key. “Fine” replaces sharing hopes and fears.
  • Joint rituals go solo. Coffee, walks, and TV binges now happen alone—parallel lives forming.
  • Life reroutes elsewhere. More nights with friends or behind separate screens hint their emotional world exists outside the marriage.

If several of these cues are present, your relationship may already be in the walkaway phase—one crisis or lawyer consultation away from a permanent split.

At What Point Do You Walk Away From A Marriage

Advanced Signs That Your Spouse Is Preparing to Leave

As emotional disconnection deepens, spouses may exhibit more overt, practical behaviors indicating they’re actively preparing to leave the marriage.

SignDescription
Increased Time AwaySpending more time away from home or with friends and family without the partner, seeking fulfillment outside the marriage.
Personal IndependenceEngaging in new hobbies, changing appearance, or investing in self-care, signaling a desire to reclaim identity separate from the marriage.
Financial SeparationSetting up separate bank accounts, hiding financial information, or showing sudden interest in family finances, often as preparation for a split.
Emotional DetachmentShowing little interest in your life, avoiding deep conversations, and appearing indifferent to relationship issues.
Rejecting ReconciliationBeing unresponsive or dismissive when you suggest counseling or addressing problems, believing it’s too late.
Making Solo PlansPlanning future activities like career changes, travel, or living arrangements that exclude you, envisioning a life apart.

FAQ: When to Walk Away From a Marriage

Is it better to stay for the kids?

Research shows children fare best in low-conflict homes. Chronic hostility or silent standoffs can harm them more than an amicable split.

How long should I try counseling before leaving?

Many therapists suggest 3-6 months of consistent effort. If only one partner shows up emotionally, that’s data, too.

Can a marriage survive infidelity?

Yes—if the unfaithful partner ends the affair, takes responsibility, and you both commit to therapy. When deception continues, recovery is unlikely.

What if my spouse refuses therapy?

Go alone. Individual counseling clarifies your needs and boundaries, and often prompts the other partner to re-engage.

What Are Good Reasons To Leave A Relationship?

Deciding when to leave a marriage or relationship is deeply personal. What feels like a breaking point for one person—like constant silence or disrespect—might be something another can tolerate. There’s no universal “leave now” rule, but certain signs can help you decide if it’s time to walk away.

Emotional Disconnection

  • Example: You share your day, but your partner barely looks up from their phone. Day after day, you feel more like roommates than a couple.
  • What It Means: If emotional closeness has faded and efforts to reconnect fail, it might signal a gap too wide to bridge.

Lack of Respect or Trust

  • Example: Your partner mocks your opinions in front of others or breaks promises without apology.
  • What It Means: Respect and trust are the backbone of any relationship. When they’re gone, staying can chip away at your self-worth.

Irreconcilable Differences

  • Example: You want kids, but your partner doesn’t—or you clash over money with no compromise in sight.
  • What It Means: Some differences can’t be resolved, and forcing it might lead to years of unhappiness.

Communication breakdowns can worsen these issues, turning small problems into lasting patterns. If your partner won’t talk—or listen—it’s hard to build a future together.

Trust Your Inner Voice

Your feelings are your guide. If you’ve felt unloved, unheard, or stuck for a long time, pay attention. Reflect on what your heart and intuition are telling you—they’re often right, even when the truth is hard to face.

What Are Good Reasons To Leave A Relationship

PIVOT: Your Guide to Navigating Divorce and Finding Yourself Again

Barring extreme cases, walking out on your marriage is tough, even if you’ve wanted to do so for a long time. First, there’s divorce anxiety you have to cope with, which isn’t easy, and there’s also the difficulty with attempting to remarry after your divorce down the line, especially if your dissolution has managed to alter your attachment style significantly. It’s important to consider whether leaving is the right decision, as the complex emotions surrounding such a choice can be overwhelming.

And this is all if you’re experiencing a remotely healthy divorce without delving deeper into the potential problems that happen when ending physically or emotionally abusive relationships. Determining when to walk away from a marriage is a deeply personal decision. If you’re facing this crossroads, consider seeking professional guidance to navigate the complexities of separation and ensure your well-being.

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Deciding when to walk away from a marriage is deeply personal, and the path forward can feel uncertain—whether you’re facing , challenges with , or shifts in your life. If you’re at this crossroads, PIVOT is here to help. Our expert coaches and Glass House retreat center offer personalized support to guide you through divorce, heal, and start anew. Don’t face this alone—contact us today.

Why Am I Attracted To Unavailable People: How To Break The Pattern

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

Most people desire things that are out of their reach, and it’s no different with romantic relationships. People who are unattainable often spark others’ interest. They’re hard to get and many people enjoy the chase. This attraction may even verge on obsession because the chase gets more and more intensified the more the object of your affection slips away, making breaking this pattern even more challenging.

An unavailable person may exhibit love avoidant characteristics, they could be in a relationship, or they might not be interested in pursuing a committed relationship at all. Either way, being attracted to someone you can’t have can be deeply hurtful, especially if this is a repeating cycle. Therefore, it’s important to discover why you are attracted to unavailable people, and how to break the pattern.

Does Being Unavailable Make You More Attractive?

Do you find yourself longing for people who slip out of your grasp? Are you more intensely drawn in the more they pull away, attracting you even more? Do you crave deep intimacy but settle for emotional unavailability in a relationship? This is more common than you may think.

While not everyone will experience this, some people consistently gravitate toward those who aren’t interested in their romantic advances. They keep pursuing the same kind of partner, despite knowing that the chances of an actual relationship are slim.

This causes us to wonder if being aloof or unavailable makes one more attractive. Some may even take advantage of this by making themselves appear unavailable in a game of hot and cold.

How Do You Know A Person Is Emotionally Unavailable?

Why Are Unattainable People Attractive?

Some people find themselves constantly falling for people who are either not interested, in another relationship, or non-committal. Here are a few reasons why it may happen:

  • The challenge: Most of us want what we can’t have, so the fact that something’s elusive often makes it irresistible, presenting unique challenges. The desire to prove that you can win someone over may put you in an unhealthy loop. You scramble to make them notice you, you receive some attention that gives you a temporary high, and then you repeat the cycle. The real goal here isn’t to win the partner, it’s to prove that you CAN win.
  • A drive to be chosen: Being attracted to someone who is unavailable because they are already in a relationship can be fueled by a compulsive drive to be preferred, prioritized and chosen. A person can even build their self-worth on whether or not the object of their affection leaves another partner for them. This can become an emotionally unhealthy and uncontrollable way to build self-worth.
  • The mystique: People are captivated by the unknown, including in romantic relationships. Since the person doesn’t fully give in, there’s a part of them that remains out of your reach. You may be initially attracted by the rush of the unknown. This can have a powerful effect on you, keeping you enthralled and wanting to know more.
  • Deep-seated insecurity: In a way, it’s safe to have a crush on someone you can’t have. You might self-sabotage your love life by choosing to fall for unavailable people. This saves you the shame and humiliation of rejection because you already know that the relationship can’t develop.
  • The potential to idealize: Since the person maintains a distance and you can’t get to know them well enough, you’re free to fill in the blanks any way you want. People generally tend to see their crushes through rose-colored glasses and if the person is unavailable, then you don’t get to know them enough to stain the idealized version with real human flaws.
  • The excitement of the chase: When someone keeps you at arm’s length, whether consciously or not, this may push you to compete for their affection. Some people see this as a type of dare, where they need to persist against obstacles, which amps up the excitement. If you’e won the commitment you think you want, you may find yourself bored now that the challenge of the pursuit has ended.

How Do You Know A Person Is Emotionally Unavailable?

Someone who isn’t emotionally available will usually act a certain way, including:

  • Being standoffish at times 
  • Giving lukewarm responses to your attempts at getting closer 
  • Not wanting to open up and talk about their feelings
  • Being unwilling to share anything too personal
  • Being uncomfortable or now knowing how to respond to your vulnerability
  • They respond to a deepening relationship by wanting more alone time
  • They seem annoyed or disgusted (rather than shy or reserved) with feelings talk
  • They give intermittent reinforcement (emotionally connect at times and withhold at other times)
  • They have a relational history of not committing fully
  • The emotional connection they want does not match how physically close they want to be.

These behaviors are red flags that indicate someone is generally uncomfortable with their own emotions and are reluctant to share their feelings with others. Someone may act this way consistently, across all of the relationships that they have. On the other hand, people are sometimes simply not interested in pursuing a deeper connection, so they could be behaving like this because they don’t find you compatible.

Curious How You are Attaching in a Specific Relationship?

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Why Do I Gravitate Toward Emotionally Unavailable Partners?

If being drawn toward emotional unavailability is an old habit for you, the origin could be rooted in early age. Sometimes, your emotionally unavailable past relationships include those deep in your history, such as those with parents or caregivers. If your emotional needs weren’t met well, you may have not developed the skills to curate emotional intimacy with available, consistent partners.

Even when this pattern this makes you feel anxious or leaves you struggling with low self worth, you may find yourself drawn to the degree of emotional availability that is most familiar to you. This is true EVEN when this causes emotional pain, and even when doing so has left you badly hurt in the past.

If your parents were sometimes there for you emotionally, and at other times they weren’t, this is called intermittent reinforcement. It means that emotionally, your needs were met inconsistently. This can leave someone emotionally confused about how to seek secure partners.

If you’ve asked yourself “why am i attracted to unavailable woman?”, “are emotionally unavailable men all that’s out there?” or “do I even deserve love?”, then the pattern may be old.

You might be afraid to fully trust out of fear that you’ll be rejected or abandoned. The struggle between protecting yourself from this fear and longing for emotionally present romantic partners may leave you utterly lonely if you don’t recognize the attachment issue.

Why Do Emotionally Unavailable People Feel Safe To Me?

We think of being attracted to emotionally unavailable partners as being inherently negative, but it could be a psychologically protective strategy. The flip side of this, though, is that these relationships perpetuate feelings of disconnection and lonely emotions.

If the painful emotions of relational trauma took root at a very early age, then choosing an emotionally unavailable partner may be a way that you try to wall yourself off from the potentially painful feelings of a real relationship.

The risk of pain lowers if your true self is never accepted, and therefore never rejected, abandoned or hurt. An emotionally unavailable person may feel “safe” in this way, even though the relationship dynamics leave you unsatisfied.

It takes time to learn how to choose partners differently and slowly grow trusting relationships. If we don’t, however, we’re prone to repetition compulsion, and may find ourselves wondering why each successive emotionally unavailable person fails to solve our low self esteem, and why we continue on loving someone unavailable.

Are They Emotionally Unavailable Or Slow To Connect?

Sometimes we can mistake slow and cautious connection for emotional unavailability. But how can we tell the difference?

If someone is slower than you to self-disclose personal details, that is not necessarily a red flag. Somebody may have different pacing than you do, or build intimacy more gradually. Slowing the roll doesn’t always mean that they have a fear of commitment.

A red flag may look like a person who refuses to self-disclose personal information, or who says that they don’t plan on self-disclosing, period. In this kind of red flag example, an emotionally available person may say something like “in time, I’d like to share that with you.” Emotionally unavailable people may say something like “I don’t want to talk about that. I’m not looking for anything heavy.” Do either of those sound familiar?

A partner may also struggle to be vulnerable for reasons that are personal to them. Being vulnerable is a process that looks different for everyone. Being afraid to connect emotionally, and moving slowly, may not mean that they are emotionally unavailable.

If you find that you tend to over-disclose a lot of personal detail, expect a partner to be emotionally connected quickly, or despair at the first sign of slower pacing, then you may need to look at how your craving for attention may be better served by a healthy dose of self love.

If your own fear has caused you see a partner’s autonomy as a red flag, then perhaps you aren’t attracted to emotionally unavailable partners. Maybe your expectations have gotten in the way of living fully in an emotionally developing relationship, and some self reflection is needed.

Clear communication about yourselves and relationship goals is key.

How Do I Stop Being Attracted To Emotional Unavailability?

Since it doesn’t typically lead to a fulfilling relationship, being attracted to emotional unavailability can be a part of an unhealthy pattern. Here is what you can do to overcome it:

  • Get to the root cause of the problem: Recognize the main driving force behind your attraction to unattainable people. For example, you may realize that you prefer infatuation to an actual relationship or that your childhood wounds prevent you from giving a chance to a more available person.
  • Reassess your notions about romance: Once you’ve identified why you’re choosing partners the way that you do, you can work on changing your perception of romance. For example, you could evaluate the list of things you look for in a partner and decide to give different kinds of people a chance.
  • Try things you wouldn’t have tried before: Expose yourself to new experiences and people. Learn how to get out of the comfort zone of the familiar in other areas of your life to create more flexible thinking.
  • Discern intuition from pattern: If you feel drawn to someone, ask yourself if it’s because they are truly a good fit for you, or if you’re repeating a familiar cycle. This self awareness can be an important step toward change. Think about whether they could be a dependable partner instead of going after what you impulsively want in the moment.
  • Allow yourself to feel loved: Running after an unavailable person may leave you drained emotionally. Also, many people who are attracted to unavailability equate romance with withheld affection. To overcome this, you need to rewire yourself to look for reliability, support, care, and partnership, which are all hallmarks of true love.

Who Can Help Me Stop Choosing Emotionally Unavailable People?

Being drawn to emotionally unavailable people can stop you from being able to enjoy a relationship completely. When it comes to choosing partners, you may subconsciously feel safer with unavailable ones, but your emotional needs pay the price, making emotional unavailability a common denominator in your relationships. We can help.

At PIVOT, we work to help our clients understand the cycles they’ve been stuck in so that they can learn to choose, cultivate and enjoy relationships that are emotionally rewarding. Being drawn to emotionally unavailable people doesn’t have to be a life-sentence. Change is possible.

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We can also shed light on many other issues, like how to recover from a breakup and get a fresh start, how to know whether you’re ready to commit and tie the knot, or how to have a better relationship with your partner’s friends.Take part in one of our coaching sessions for individuals to work on your specific issues or make reservations for our couples retreat to grow with your partner. Let us know what type of personal growth you’re interested in and let’s get started!

Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse: Take Your Life Back

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

Dealing with narcissistic abuse can be draining and downright devastating. You may feel like you can’t do anything right, often experiencing emotional abuse that leaves you questioning your worth. You might be riddled with doubt and questioning your recollection of conflicts and conversations. You may feel alone, depressed, and anxious. As your self-confidence erodes and you feel increasingly isolated, your family and friends may recognize the problem long before you do. 

Narcissistic abuse may not be evident or easily recognizable to you at first, especially in the context of a close relationship. Though physical or sexual abuse may be easy to spot, narcissistic abuse is often largely emotional and much harder to recognize. It’s also hard to accept and admit to yourself that you are in this situation. This prolonged emotional and psychological distress can lead to complex trauma, requiring specialized support for recovery.

If you have identified this type of abuse in a close relationship, you may be angry, hurt, and unsure where to turn. PIVOT can help. Our coaching for narcissistic abuse is second to none and has been instrumental in facilitating change for thousands of our clients. 

Let PIVOT help you take your life back.

Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse: Finally Break Free

The fact that you are here reading this means you’ve already gone through the painful journey of recognizing and accepting the toxic dynamics you are stuck in. You may feel like you don’t know whom to trust or where to turn for help.

Our relationship coaches are uniquely trained to help you take decisive action. They can help you to overcome the damage narcissistic abuse causes to your self-image and confidence and build yourself back up to a place where you can enjoy life again on your own terms.

How Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse Can Help Mediate Change

You Want to Feel:

Coaching Helps You To:

Like you are a priority

Put yourself first. This step is essential to healing and motivating behavioral change. Start taking care of you!

A sense of self-esteem

Recover a healthier sense of self to empower lasting behavioral change.

Free from toxic cycles

Understand attachment styles and why you may choose a certain type of partner.

Free of shame

Learn to recognize and resist manipulation. View yourself and your relationships through a different lens.

Decisive about your life

Rediscover your decision-making confidence, which is often undermined by narcissistic abuse.

Healthy

Learn how trauma impacts your physical and mental health. Adopt a supportive self-care ritual.

Hopeful

Know that there is a way out and that you won’t always feel this way.

The PIVOT Difference: Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse

At PIVOT, we take pride in our unique interventional approach, developed in a clinical setting over many years with thousands of clients. The focus is on you–your personal needs and individual circumstances. We offer those experiencing narcissistic abuse a well-worn pathway to healing, and we support you every step of the way.

The PIVOT Difference

Our Process

The PIVOT Process is a transformative journey that helps you to understand and love yourself. It starts with examining your own developmental psychology as you revisit your childhood, teen/adolescent, and adult years. You will look at yourself through a wide lens as you examine the physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and financial aspects of your life. This process is not just about healing; it’s about discovering your potential for change and growth.
With newfound understanding, the second part of the process empowers you to create behavioral change through actionable systems and tools. Connecting your thoughts and feelings with action, you will learn to reframe negative behavior patterns, set healthy boundaries, and form secure attachments. The result will be greater resilience and relational freedom in your future relationships.

Our Coaches

PIVOT coaches are not just experts in coaching for narcissistic abuse, they are also compassionate allies on your healing journey. Located across the U.S., each coach brings a rich diversity of professional therapeutic expertise, knowledge, and life experiences to their work. Your coach will be there for you, providing the support and understanding you need to build healthier, happier relationships.

Our Impact

With thousands of clients served, our impact is evident in their reviews and testimonials. The feedback we receive regularly includes phrases like “life-changing,” “deeper understanding of myself,” “empowering,” and “wish I had done this sooner.” These testimonials are a testament to the transformative power of our coaching for narcissistic abuse.

Our Options

While weekly in-person or virtual coaching for narcissistic abuse is an effective way to begin the healing process, many people who have experienced this devastation prefer to accelerate their recovery with a 1- or 2-day personalized PIVOT or a 5-day relationship retreat. These intensive options offer the opportunity for a deep dive into the forces that have shaped your relationship and left you vulnerable to narcissistic abuse.

How PIVOT Can Help You Escape Narcissistic Abuse and Rebuild Self Worth

The results of long-term narcissistic abuse undermine your confidence and eliminate your agency. You may find yourself struggling with your mental health and fending off physical health ailments, trapped in a merry-go-round of trauma and pain. If you have a close personal relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder or a person with narcissistic traits, it is time to save yourself. 

PIVOT coaches are trained to help you break this painful cycle and take back your life. The PIVOT Process is universally applicable and infinitely customizable. It can be adapted to your circumstances and help you find a way forward. This recovery journey emphasizes the importance of guidance, personal growth, and restoration of self-worth.

Don’t try to do it alone. Let us support you with our proven process and empower you with a toolbox of actionable strategies to facilitate healthier communication, reasonable boundary setting, and compassionate self-care. Developing self awareness is crucial; if you recognize narcissistic abuse in a close relationship, it’s time to plan your exit strategy.

Heal Your Relationships With PIVOT: The Healing Process  

PIVOT offers compassionate and transformative coaching for narcissistic abuse through weekly sessions, personalized intensives, and Glass House retreats. Our approach emphasizes the importance of self love in your healing journey. Reach out to begin your journey to a healthier, happier life. You can reach us at 1-855-452-0707. Don’t wait any longer to take back control of your well being and life.

The 3 Stages Of Codependency and Characteristics

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

Codependency is a dysfunctional pattern of behavior where one person’s (“Giver”) emotional and physical needs become wholly reliant on those of another person (“Taker”). This unhealthy dynamic, often progressing through distinct stages of codependency, typically involves the Giver sacrificing their own well-being, happiness, and identity to cater to the needs of the taker, even to the point of enabling harmful behavior, creating the dynamics of a codependent partner.

This is why codependency is sometimes referred to as “love addiction” or “relationship addiction”. The Giver can develop unhealthy behavioral patterns and the need for external validation, leading to a lack of emotional regulation and a sense of helplessness.

Codependent behavior effectively traps both parties in a vicious cycle of giving and taking, forming a declining spiral that hinders the personal growth of everyone involved, as well as introducing even more elements of dysfunction into the relationship.

Fortunately, there is a silver lining here. Forming codependency is a gradual process. It develops in several stages and that takes time. This means that it is possible to break the cycle of dependency at any point during the process, even if it already became a default operating behavior.

Doing so will often require some degree of professional aid, either through continuous visitations to intensive codependency workshops or staying in one of the retreats near you. However, to discern which option is right for solving your issues of codependency, it is important to recognize the stage you’re currently at.

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Understanding Codependency

Codependency is a tricky thing to understand and get your head around. At it’s core it’s a pattern of behavior where one person’s emotional and psychological well being becomes deeply tied to another person, often to the point of enabling or supporting unhealthy or destructive behavior. This can show up in many ways including an obsession with control, no boundaries and putting others needs before your own.

The roots of codependency can often be traced back to childhood trauma, low self esteem and no healthy relationship models. For example people who grew up in environments where their emotional needs were not met may develop codependent tendencies as a way to get validation and love. And societal and cultural norms that promote self sacrifice and putting others first can perpetuate these behaviors.

But the consequences of codependency can be severe. Over time a codependent person can lose their own identity and feel empty and worthless inside. This can also lead to stress related disorders like anxiety and depression making their mental health even more complicated. Recognizing and addressing these patterns is key to having healthier more fulfilling relationships.

What Are The Stages Of Codependency?

What Are The Stages Of Codependency?

While codependency is not an official diagnosis or a fixed trait, it may be difficult to define it as a stand-alone issue. However, viewing it through the lens of addiction, we can see several patterns emerging.

Firstly, codependency is a chronic condition, characterized by enduring and progressive symptoms. This means that, if left unattended, the symptoms will become increasingly worse over time.

Secondly, the severity of the symptoms varies on the continuum, ranging from mild to severe, and may include:

  • Dependency on another person for validation and actualization;
  • Craving the (unhealthy) interaction;
  • Inability to abstain from compulsive behavior;
  • Continuous (unsuccessful) attempts to control the interaction;
  • Giving up joyful activities, such as hobbies or socializing, in order to focus on the unhealthy habit;
  • Maintaining harmful behavioral patterns, despite the problems they create in personal or professional life.

The emotional and relational challenges of codependency can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, causing distress and strain for one or both partners.

Lastly, recovering from codependency often requires intervention by a professional. Recovery is a gradual process that takes time, but with the help of codependency coaching or treatment by a mental health specialist, it can be overcome with great success.

With the above factors as a baseline and substance use disorder (SUD) as a parallel, we can define stages of codependency on a spectrum, as follows:

  • Early stage;
  • Middle stage;
  • Late stage.

Similarly to different types of addiction, each stage becomes progressively detrimental to an individual and harder to manage without professional assistance, the longer it is left unattended. 

What Are The Characteristics Of Different Codependency Stages?

As we already mentioned, codependency is a gradual process. It usually starts with a deep desire to help and care for someone, as well as a genuine dedication to achieving that goal. However, over time and if taken to the extreme, this behavior can become unhealthy and even harmful, which is why it is essential to learn to recognize the characteristics of each stage.

Stage 1: Early Stage

early stage codependency woman wife caretaker of male husband

The first stage is also known as the “Caretaker stage” and it is the hardest one to notice, both for the individual and those in their surrounding since it often resembles a harmonious and dedicated relationship.

During this time, the Giver typically exhibits a strong urge to take care of their partner and avoid conflict at all costs, usually at the expense of their own personal physical, mental, and emotional needs. 

They may even feel a sense of pride in their dedication and ability to please their partner, especially considering that they often receive positive feedback and validation from others (including the partner) for their actions.

However, as time goes on, this type of behavior can become increasingly unhealthy and even harmful, as The Giver starts:

  • Neglecting their own needs and desires, leading to feelings of resentment and burnout;
  • Feeling guilty when they prioritize themselves over their partner, out of the sense of obligation to care for the Taker;
  • Having difficulties expressing themselves or setting boundaries for their own benefit;
  • Drifting away from their family and friends, in order to have more time to care for their partner;
  • Exhibiting fear of rejection or abandonment, resulting in even deeper determination to put the other person’s needs before their own.

Ultimately, the combination of the above factors will lead to the Giver experiencing an even lower sense of self-esteem and a greater desire for external validation. Considering how low self-esteem is one of the prime contributors to codependency forming, it is easy to conclude that the person will find it increasingly difficult to escape the clutches of this behavioral pattern.

Stage 2: Middle Stage

middle stage codependency woman wife caretaker and controlling critic of male husband

Also known as the “Controller stage”, this phase is characterized by an increased dependence on the partner and a corresponding loss of focus on self-care. During this stage, the Giver’s self-esteem continues to plummet, and they typically begin to cultivate the desire to control and criticize their loved one’s actions and behaviors.

However, this is entirely counterproductive, since the main tools employed here are usually manipulation and inducing guilt. What this does is trap the person in the endless cycle of anxiety and self-guilt instead, ultimately leading to a sense of resentment, disappointment, and anger toward the person they’re trying to please.

At this point, codependency is deeply ingrained in the Giver’s psyche, which often causes them to find a different way to cope with pain and anguish, usually by adopting another compulsive behavior, such as obsessive working or even SUD.

Stage 3: Late Stage

late stage codependency woman wife exhausted and substance use, male husband in background staring at mobile phone

The final phase of codependency is the “Victim stage” or, as some call it, the “Martyr stage”. At this point, the Giver may feel completely trapped in their relationship and powerless to change their situation. They’ve usually almost completely lost touch with their own needs and desires, as well as their sense of identity outside of the one provided by the Taker.

The symptoms that started building during the previous stage become more exacerbated, which may lead to depression, anxiety, and anger issues. In addition to psychological problems, the pent-up stress of being in a dysfunctional relationship without a way out often results in physical issues, such as insomnia, headaches, sciatica, eating disorders, and digestive problems.

Recognizing the Signs of a Codependent Relationship

Knowing the signs of a codependent relationship is key to getting help. Some of the signs are:

  • No healthy communication or conflict resolution skills.
  • Needing control or trying to control your partner.
  • No boundaries or putting your partner’s needs before your own.
  • Enabling or supporting unhealthy or destructive behaviors.
  • Rationalizing or justifying bad behavior.
  • No self care or neglecting your own needs and desires.
  • People pleasing or putting others needs before your own.

The Importance of Self-Care in Recovery

Self care is a big part of codependency recovery. When we take care of ourselves we are better able to set healthy boundaries, communicate effectively and develop a stronger sense of self. Self care can look like:

  • Doing things that bring you joy.
  • Practicing mindfulness and self kindness.
  • Setting boundaries and putting your own needs first.
  • Getting support from friends, family or a therapist.
  • Exercising.
  • Getting enough sleep and good sleep hygiene.

When we take care of ourselves we can start to break free from codependency patterns and develop a healthier more fulfilling relationship with ourselves and others. This is codependency recovery and also empowers and self worth which means more balanced and healthy relationships in the future.

Start Your Journey to Healthy Relationships Today—Discover PIVOT’s Transformative Codependency Coaching and Retreats

Whether you’re struggling in a codependent relationship or simply looking to build stronger boundaries and self-care practices, turning to PIVOT’s codependency treatment centers near you will provide you with the guidance and resources you need to create lasting change in your life.

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Our intense codependency workshops are designed to help you break free from patterns of self-sacrifice and people-pleasing, and prioritize your own well-being. Led by experienced coaches and held in a serene Glass House retreat setting, our facilities offer a safe and supportive environment for self-discovery and personal growth.

My Partner Makes Me Feel Like I’m Not Good Enough: Why This Feeling Is Impacting Your Relationship

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

Do you find yourself thinking, “I’m not enough,” “feeling like I’m not good enough” or “I’m not worthy of love?”

Or do you feel that you work hard to be the best, but you should be more, do more or be better? Otherwise, you don’t measure up.

Feeling not good enough is a common problem in relationship dynamics, especially when one partner has unmet needs. This often leads to defensiveness in the either partner, causing rifts in the relationship and inhibiting effective communication. It can be triggered if your friend didn’t call when she said she would, or someone rejected your ideas, or perhaps your relationship ended.

If this is you, then you may have childhood wounds that haven’t been healed.

Why Do I Feel Like I Am not Good Enough for Anyone?

As children, we are completely dependent on our parents and caregivers for food, safety, and boundaries. Most importantly, we want and need to feel loved and accepted by our primary caregivers.

Imagine a baby who’s desperate for attention, but his mother ignores him. Think about how impressionable that is for him. When babies and children don’t have a proper connection, they will crave this and grow up feeling that they are not enough.

For example, if this child was raised by a dysfunctional family, say with a narcissistic parent, then the child does not understand why that parent is not capable of empathy or love. Or an alcoholic parent who is sometimes available and other times is not able to function.

Children who live in these situations may try to fix the problem, by thinking “if I were a better child, my daddy wouldn’t drink.”

This leads them to feel that they need to be better and that somehow, they are not good enough as they are.

As they get older, they’ll continue to feel like they’re not enough, and in later years, they may turn to fixing others, food, alcohol, porn, relationships, or drugs to fill that void. These early experiences can have a lasting impact on one’s mental health, leading to struggles with self-worth and emotional stability.

The good news is that there is hope for changing the negative self-talk of feeling like you’re unworthy or feeling insecure and not good enough. These feelings often happen due to unresolved issues from childhood, but understanding and addressing them can lead to positive change.

But first, if you’re in a relationship, here are five signs that feeling this way is impacting your relationship:

Five Signs That Your Relationship Is Affected

If you rely on your partners to feel like you’re ‘enough’ — attractive enough, fun enough, smart enough, kind enough — then you’ll never be entirely happy. And it can impact your relationship because you look to your partner to fix this you. This can also erode your self-esteem, as constant feelings of inadequacy undermine your sense of self-worth.

Here are five signs that your “not good enough” thoughts are impacting your relationship:

1)   You can’t totally trust your partner

Although you crave love, you may be experiencing trust issues that make you unwilling to attach to someone emotionally. If you don’t fully trust your partner, then it’s difficult to open up emotionally, which can give you a hard time and stop your relationship from growing.

Trust issues typically come from past hurts or unhealthy family relationships during childhood. Recognizing what is actually happening in your relationship, such as events that cause emotional distress and instability, is crucial to addressing these issues.

2) You compare yourself to your partner’s ex

It’s natural to be curious about your partner’s ex and other women they have been with. But if you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to them or worrying you don’t measure up, then that’s a sign that your feeling of “not good enough” is taking over your relationship.

Remember, your partner chose you. They are not with their ex any longer.

3) You expect your partner to reassure you continually

Everyone wants some reassurance from their partner now and then. But if you constantly need them to validate you, their love or your relationship, then that’s a sign that negative thoughts are making you feel anxious and taking over your relationship. This often feels like you are not good enough in the eyes of your partner, which can harm your mental health and self-esteem.

This can lead to an increased fear of losing the relationship because you feel dependent on your partner as the “fix.”

4) There’s distance in your relationship

Being in a relationship is healthy when it provides the feeling of being loved, supported, and emotionally close with your partner, making you feel good. Healthy relationships give your relationship an intimate connection for you both.

If you have trouble with building emotional intimacy and communicating or you feel alone, and keep your partner at a distance, then this may be due to you feeling like you are not enough, or a diminished sense of self, and therefore your relationship will not be healthy.

5) You assume the worst about your partner

No matter what happens, you assume the worst about your partner, and this negative thought pattern can be detrimental to your relationship. If they haven’t answered their phone, it’s because they’re cheating. If they’re not with you, then they must be betraying you.

Feeling not good enough for a partner can make you believe that if they don’t say they love you all the time, then they’re “not into you.” This often leads to put downs, where one partner belittles the other with subtle and insidious comments, severely impacting self-esteem and mental health.

This changes the focus of your relationship for your partner to need to prove their feelings and their actions.

Am I Good Enough? Healing the Wounds

If you recognize any of the signs above, then just know that you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with feeling not good enough for someone.

The good news is that you can heal yourself and experience self-acceptance so that you can have a healthy relationship. Healing involves developing self-respect and recognizing your own worth, independent of others’ opinions. Taking responsibility for your actions and acknowledging your role in the relationship is equally as important.

As certified relationship coaches and therapists, we encourage our clients to not be hard on themselves. You are not “broken” or flawed.

Wave Your Insecurities Goodbye with PIVOT

The first step to overcoming insecurity is recognizing you feel this way and understanding its impact on your life. We recommend that you seek support from professionals to help you explore childhood abandonment issues and focus on healing your wounds with self-love and self-acceptance.

Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. You don’t need to look outside yourself for happiness and self-worth.

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If you are ready to heal your feelings of not enough, then contact PIVOT. We can also help you if you’re struggling with depression, experiencing feelings of anxiety or need help overcoming codependency issues in your relationship.

Apart from individual and personalized solutions, we also provide intensive relationship coaching at our retreat center, The Glass House. We’re here to help.

Build Confidence at a Retreat for Narcissistic Abuse

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

You have taken that brave first step: you have finally recognized the manipulation,  gaslighting, and love-bombing for what it is – narcissistic abuse. You have declared to yourself that enough is enough. Now what?

If you have decided to end the abuse that has kept your relationship in a continuous cycle of emotional pain, you may need help to break free once and for all. A retreat for narcissistic abuse may be just what you need to transform your world and secure your future, providing a sense of relief and empowerment.

A Retreat for Narcissistic Abuse Accelerates the Healing

Depending on the amount of time spent in this relationship, you may have developed symptoms of codependency that have left you feeling trapped. Narcissistic abuse may have also cost you other key relationships, leaving you feeling broken and alone. In any case, the trauma has no doubt damaged your psyche, self-image, and decision-making ability. You’ll need help and support building back your confidence and independence.

Our retreats for narcissistic abuse help you take that brave next step in the direction of freedom and joy. Here are some of the ways we can support you along the healing pathway.

7 Ways a Retreat for Narcissistic Abuse Accelerates the Healing

Needed for Recovery

How a Retreat Speeds the Healing

Rehabilitate your self-image

As a victim of narcissistic abuse, your self-image has likely taken a beating. The retreat’s healing focus helps you view yourself as a survivor who is worthy and capable of healthy relationships.

Restore your confidence

You will need confidence to persevere and manage your recovery pathway. The support of a retreat can build back your confidence and help you realize you are strong enough to handle the journey ahead.

Promote trust in your decisions

As you begin to understand narcissistic abuse and its impact on your sense of self, you will learn to trust your decision-making ability again. This is essential for moving forward as an independent and capable individual.

Create a support system

When you attend a retreat for narcissistic abuse, you and your coach have the opportunity to get deeply acquainted. You also build camaraderie with your fellow participants based on shared experiences. These individuals become part of a caring and empathetic support system, cheering you on as you reclaim your life and making you feel less alone and more supported.

Improve communication capacity

While learning to trust your inner voice again, you will gain communication strategies to help you express yourself effectively.

Learn to set and maintain boundaries

As you learn to recognize manipulative tactics, you will be empowered to set and maintain healthy boundaries that protect you and your interests.

Make a plan for the future

With an emphasis on self-care and a toolbox of actionable strategies, you will be on your way to building the happy, healthy relationships you desire in the future.

A PIVOT Retreat Helps You Heal Quickly

When you’re ready to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse, time is of the essence. You want to start feeling better as soon as possible, and a PIVOT retreat is the fastest way to kickstart your healing journey.

Set in the picturesque hills of Northern California, The Glass House provides a tranquil escape from the chaos of everyday life. Here, PIVOT hosts our intimate retreats for narcissistic abuse, each limited to six guests who are all on a journey to break free from the effects of emotional abuse.

Our guests spend five days in this safe and supportive space, quieting their minds with yoga and meditation. Locally sourced, healthy meals and comfortable accommodations support you as you work through individual and group sessions. This immersive format allows you to accelerate the healing and strengthen your sense of self. If you wish to continue the work after your retreat concludes, our coaching for narcissistic abuse provides ongoing support.

A retreat for narcissistic abuse provides a support system

What You Can Expect From the PIVOT Process

Our highly effective PIVOT Process focuses on helping you find your strength. Our clients are always impressed with how much they get from our program and how quickly they feel they are progressing.

Life-Changing Stories From Past Clients

If you wish to break the cycle of emotional turmoil and are determined to start healing quickly, a PIVOT retreat for narcissistic abuse at The Glass House provides the optimal chance for decisively regaining control of your life. The PIVOT Process helps clients understand their attachment styles and work towards building secure attachments to create healthier relationships in the future.

Accelerate the Transformation With PIVOT

PIVOT offers high-impact solutions to painful relationship challenges at our retreat for narcissistic abuse. Contact us to begin the healing journey today. You can reach us at 1-855-452-0707.

How to Break the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse Once and For All

Posted on by Lori Jean Glass

The cycle of narcissistic abuse is characterized by ups and downs. When times are good, they may seem too good to be true. Unfortunately, the bad times take a toll. By the time you recognize the toxic nature of this roller-coaster relationship, there may be significant damage to your sense of self. You may feel broken, hopeless, and lost.

Know this: you aren’t alone. PIVOT is your dedicated support system, standing by your side. We can help you build back your trust in yourself and your sense of hope. Let us help you learn how to finally break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Our relationship coaches are uniquely positioned to help you break this toxic pattern once and for all. If you have had enough emotional abuse from a relationship with a narcissistic partner and are ready to stand up for yourself, let us help you take your life back.

How to Break the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse and Get a Fresh Start with Self Love

To break the cycle of narcissistic abuse once and for all, the change has to come from you. Helping you to accomplish this transformation is where PIVOT excels. At our intensive retreat for narcissistic abuse, we provide a safe space to support individuals who desire a different path for their life. Through our exemplary process, we will help you to recognize and heal the childhood traumas, insecurities, and pains that weigh you down. As you practice self-care and regain your sense of self, you will learn step-by-step strategies for resolving conflict, improving communication, and holding protective boundaries. When you work through our proven process, you will be ready to approach relationships as a strong, resilient individual who is worthy and capable of secure attachment and healthy, reciprocal relationships.

The narcissistic abuse cycle follows a painful pattern of idealization, devaluation, rejection, and hoovering. We’ll dive deeper into these stages later. At PIVOT, our support system empowers you to break free from this toxic cycle and rebuild confidence for healthy, fulfilling relationships.

How to Break the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse for Good

Action You Must Take

How PIVOT Supports You

Validate your feelings

One of the most challenging consequences of narcissistic abuse is the self-doubt that permeates your thinking and decision-making capacity. Likely the result of gaslighting and other manipulative tactics, it undercuts your self-confidence and limits your resolve for change. Your PIVOT coach will help you to trust yourself and believe that change is possible.

Gain compassion for yourself

The emotional abuse of a narcissistic partner can make you feel really bad about yourself. You may have been putting your needs aside to keep the peace and please your partner. The PIVOT Process helps you develop compassion for yourself and prioritize your needs.

Recognize manipulation tactics

Many narcissistic manipulations are difficult to recognize. You may not realize you have fallen prey to them until it is too late. Learning to recognize these manipulative tactics can help you avoid the emotional pain they inflict.

Learn to set and hold boundaries

A lack of boundaries can make you a target of narcissistic abuse. Your PIVOT coach will help you learn to set and hold protective boundaries to guard against future abuse.

Articulate your feelings and desires

Breaking the abuse cycle once and for all means putting yourself first. The PIVOT Process helps you to get in touch with why you have fallen prey in the past and gives you tools to ensure you are not marginalized in the future. You will learn to express yourself and take charge of your life.

Part of breaking free of narcissistic abuse is understanding the patterns it often takes. Part of the PIVOT process is education on the cycle of narcissistic abuse, so you can identify it early on and avoid falling into the same toxic patterns over and over again.

Understanding the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

the cycle of narcissistic abuse - hoovering, idealization, rejection, and devaluation.

The cycle of narcissistic abuse is characterized by emotional abuse and manipulation tactics, often referred to as the narcissistic abuse cycle, particularly in relationships involving individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic behaviors, such as gaslighting and devaluation, contribute significantly to this cycle, making it difficult for victims to recognize and escape the manipulation. This abuse doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships—you can experience it with friends, siblings, and even parents. Narcissistic behavior often involves manipulative tactics that follow a predictable cycle, making it vital to recognize these patterns. By identifying such behaviors, you can take the necessary steps to break free from toxic dynamics and prioritize your mental health.

Narcissists are often drawn to specific vulnerabilities in a partner. Those who have experienced childhood trauma or abuse or had a narcissistic parent may be particularly susceptible. Partners who are lonely, lack confidence, or have low self-esteem may also fall prey to narcissistic abuse.  Likewise, people who are ill and need help or suffering from emotional or financial hardships are also especially vulnerable to narcissistic manipulation. That isn’t to say that it is your fault – anyone can fall into a narcissistic dynamic. That’s why it is so important to know the signs.

Understanding the cycle of narcissistic abuse can be a profound moment of enlightenment. It’s like finally seeing the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. This understanding empowers you to take control of your life and break free from the toxic cycle. Narcissistic manipulation can distort your sense of reality, making it crucial to trust your perceptions and seek support.

Leaving a narcissistic relationship can be incredibly challenging for you, and it requires careful planning. Recognizing narcissistic traits in your partner is the first step towards protecting yourself and seeking the help you need.

Curious How You are Attaching in a Specific Relationship?

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How to break the cycle of narcissistic abuse with empathetic support at a retreat

Take Your Life Back With PIVOT

If you are reading this and it feels all too familiar, we can support you. We’ve helped hundreds of people as they break free from toxic relationship dynamics and build healthier, happier connections free of abuse. Let PIVOT show you how to break the cycle of narcissistic abuse by fostering self-awareness. Start living on your terms with us by your side. Reach out or call 1-855-452-0707 to begin the journey.

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