Lori Jean Glass

Why Feeling “Not Enough” Is Impacting Your Relationship

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Do find yourself thinking, “I’m not enough,” “feeling like I’m not good enough” or “I’m not worthy of love?”
Or do you feel that you work hard to be the best, but you should be more, do more or be better? Otherwise, you don’t measure up.
Maybe feeling not good enough triggered if your friend didn’t call when she said she would, or someone rejected your ideas or perhaps your relationship ended.
If this is you, then you may have childhood wounds that haven’t been healed.

Why Do I Feel Like I Am not Good Enough for Anyone?

As children, we are completely dependent on our parents and caregivers for food, safety, and boundaries. Most importantly, we want and need to feel loved and accepted by our primary caregivers.
Imagine a baby who’s desperate for attention, but his mother ignores him. Think about how impressionable that is for him. When babies and children don’t have a proper connection, they will crave this and grow up feeling that they are not enough.
For example, if this child was raised by a dysfunctional family, say with a narcissistic parent, then the child does not understand why that parent is not capable of empathy or love. Or an alcoholic parent who is sometimes available and other times is not able to function.
Children who live in these situations may try to fix the problem, by thinking “if I were a better child, my daddy wouldn’t drink.”
This leads them to feel that they need to be better and that somehow, they are not good enough as they are.
As they get older, they’ll continue to feel like they’re not enough, and in later years, they may turn to fixing others, food, alcohol, porn, relationships, or drugs to fill that void.
The good news is that there is hope for changing the negative self-talk of feeling like you’re unworthy or feeling insecure and not good enough.
But first, if you’re in a relationship, here are five signs that feeling this way is impacting your relationship:

Five Signs That Your Relationship Is Affected

If you rely on your partner to feel like you’re ‘enough’ — attractive enough, fun enough, smart enough, kind enough — then you’ll never be entirely happy. And it can impact your relationship because you look to your partner to fix this you.
Here are five signs that your “not good enough” thoughts are impacting your relationship:

1) You can’t totally trust your partner

Although you crave love, you may be experiencing trust issues that make you unwilling to attach to someone emotionally. If you don’t fully trust your partner, then it’s difficult to open up emotionally, which can stop your relationship from growing.
Trust issues typically come from past hurts or unhealthy family relationships during childhood.

2) You compare yourself to your partner’s ex

It’s natural to be curious about your partner’s ex. But if you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to them or worrying you don’t measure up, then that’s a sign that your feeling of “not good enough” is taking over your relationship.
Remember, your partner chose you. They are not with their ex any longer.

3) You expect your partner to reassure you continually

Everyone wants some reassurance from their partner now and then. But if you constantly need them to validate you, their love or your relationship, then that’s a sign that negative thoughts are taking over your relationship.
This can lead to an increased fear of losing the relationship because you feel dependent on your partner as the “fix.”

4) There’s distance in your relationship

Being in a relationship is healthy when it provides the feeling of being loved, supported and emotionally close with your partner. Healthy relationships give your relationship an intimate connection for you both.
If you have trouble with building emotional intimacy and communicating, or you feel alone, and keep your partner at a distance, then this may be due to you feeling like you are not enough and therefore your relationship will not be healthy.

5) You assume the worst about your partner

No matter what happens, you assume the worst about your partner. If they haven’t answered their phone, it’s because they’re cheating. If they’re not with you, then they must be betraying you.
Feeling not good enough for a partner can make you believe that If they don’t say they love you all the time, then they’re “not into you.”
This changes the focus of your relationship for your partner to need to prove their feelings and their actions.

Am I Good Enough? Healing the Wounds

If you recognize any of the signs above, then just know that you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with feeling not good enough for someone.
The good news is that you can heal yourself and experience self-acceptance so that you can have a healthy relationship.
As certified relationship coaches and therapists, we encourage our clients to not be hard on themselves. You are not “broken” or flawed.

Wave Your Insecurities Goodbye with PIVOT

The first step to overcoming insecurity is recognizing you feel this way. We recommend that you seek support from professionals to help you explore childhood abandonment issues and focus on healing your wounds with self-love and self-acceptance.
Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. You don’t need to look outside yourself for happiness and self-worth.
If you are ready to heal your feelings of not enough, then contact PIVOT. We can also help you if you’re struggling with depression, experiencing feelings of anxiety or need help overcoming codependency issues in your relationship.
Apart from individual and personalized solutions, we also provide intensive relationship coaching at our retreat center, The Glass House. We’re here to help.

Are You Repeating the Abandonment Cycle?

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Healthy, loving relationships are a haven for love, happiness, joy, and security. But what if you find yourself moving from one relationship to another, or feel dissatisfied in your current relationship?
Maybe you’re asking what’s the point of being in a relationship, especially when it seems one-sided or too much like hard work.
Before you decide if relationships are for you or not, consider if you’re caught in a cycle of abandonment anxiety in the relationship. If so, there’s a solution.
But first…

What Is Abandonment?

Feelings of abandonment in a relationship are often thought of as being physically left. It also relates to emotional neglect, brought by not having our needs met in a relationship – including our relationship with ourselves.
But what is abandonment fear exactly and where does it originate? In a nutshell, abandonment feelings can start in our childhood because of the way we were raised. This is often referred to as the abandoned child syndrome.

What causes fear of abandonment?

As children, we are entirely dependent on our parents and caregivers for food, safety, love, and boundaries. Most importantly, we need to feel loved and accepted by both parents.
However, if you didn’t have your basic needs met because you were raised by a workaholic, alcoholic, divorced or absent parent, then you may have suffered neglect and abandonment trauma. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy in relationships, as well as a range of other issues, including severe anxiety symptoms and problems committing to a single partner.

How Does Abandonment Affect a Person?

A story about a recent client of mine perfectly illustrates abandonment issues in relationships.
He’d left his wife and children to pursue a relationship with an old high school crush; however, it didn’t end well.
The new relationship started by sending Facebook messages because he felt abandoned by his wife. This led to him “falling in love” and leaving his family. The hole he felt inside from untreated trauma, was in need of being fulfilled by the attention and feeling of belonging that a new relationship can give temporarily.
The relationship was brief. When it fell apart, he felt abandoned by the woman who he thought was his “soul mate.”
On a deeper level, after the relationship ended, he felt lost and destabilized. After all, he’d flipped his life around to be with this new woman, but once it ended, he still felt the same feelings he had before he started the new relationship… abandoned.
We discussed his childhood, and he revealed that his father left him when he was a little boy. He’d felt abandoned for decades.
Unfortunately, he unrealistically expected another person to heal his deep abandonment wound. When his wife couldn’t, he left her for a new relationship, hoping this would fix him.

The Abandonment Cycle

As adults that have experienced abandonment in childhood, we become scared of intimacy.
To deal with this, we create distance by avoiding being close to others (abandon relationships), or we get into a relationship with someone who avoids intimacy (and feel abandonment).
Either way, we distance ourselves from our partners, which leads to feeling unloved, hopeless or creates perceptions that you are not enough in the relationship. The strange thing about this is – it is familiar and we are drawn to what is familiar regardless of merit.

An endless cycle of fear

When the relationship ends, we feel alone and rejected, which creates more fears of abandonment and intimacy.
This creates a cycle of loneliness, fear of intimacy and abandonment.
If this sounds like the relationships you have, then you may also be experiencing anger, guilt, grief, fear, and shame.
The good news is that you can break the abandonment cycle.

Breaking the Abandonment Cycle

While healing abandonment issues is definitely not easy, it can be done with a bit of courage and a lot of patience. The best way to break the abandonment cycle and release the pattern from childhood is by exploring childhood issues and focus on healing your wounds. Remember, these wounds are deep and often remain hidden, so be patient.

Heal Your Abandonment Wounds with PIVOT

We recommend that you seek support from professionals to help you examine the abandonment pain so you can heal from the impact of the parenting you received.
Break the cycle by being a good parent to yourself. Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. You don’t need to look outside yourself for happiness and self-worth. You can attach to others securely, without feelings of abandonment, anxiety and depression.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and break the abandonment cycle, then contact PIVOT. Apart from our individual and personalized coaching that can effectively tackle issues such as abandonment anxiety and codependent relational behaviors, we also provide intensive workshops at our relationship coaching retreat, The Glass House. We’re here to help.

Commitment Issues In Relationships: How To Overcome Them

Posted on January 24, 2020August 4, 2024 by Lori Jean Glass

Many individuals fear commitment and will struggle with situations that require them to establish a long-term connection or obligation to another person.
People with commitment issues or commitment phobia experience great levels of anxiety in relationships. The commitment challenges they face can take a great toll on both parties in the relationship and often the only way to overcome these obstacles is to seek external help, whether it’s in the form of individual coaching or a dating problems workshop.
Read on to learn what commitment issues are, how they occur, and how you can deal with them.

What Are Relationship Commitment Issues?

In order to understand why you or your partner have commitment issues, you first need to know what commitment actually means. In the most basic sense, it can be defined as an obligation or bond to a single person, goal, or cause. Commitment phobia can affect all areas of one’s life, including their romantic relationships, friendships, and professional life.
It’s important to understand here that a person struggling with commitment issues probably craves to establish emotional intimacy and maintain a long-term relationship. However, the intense feelings they experience in the relationship may be more scary to them than to most people, making it hard for them to stay in the situation for long.

What Causes Commitment Issues In Relationships?

The roots of commitment issues tend to go back to a person’s early childhood. Oftentimes, an individual with commitment issues will have an avoidant or ambivalent attachment style. This means that the relationships the person experienced in early childhood, particularly with parents or caregivers, impacted their adult relationships in a way that makes commitment such a challenge.
Avoidant individuals tend to be wary of being vulnerable in a relationship and showing genuine emotion. This may be because they were hurt in a previous romantic relationship or the issue may go further back to potentially unresponsive or unavailable parents. Either way, a person with an avoidant style will likely perceive most people as unreliable and will go out of their way to avoid pain in their relationships.

Causes Of Commitment Phobia

Naturally, the exact causes of commitment issues will differ from one person to another. Nevertheless, there are certain factors that can influence a person’s commitment phobia. Here are some of them:

Unhealthy relationships with abusive, unfaithful or controlling partners
Neglectful or unresponsive parental figures
Parents’ marital problems or divorce
Deeply rooted trust issues
Traumatic events in formative years
Intense fear of being hurt in a relationship, etc.

Of course, no two individuals will have the exact same background. As a result, commitment issues can manifest in a variety of different ways. While some individuals may struggle with even starting a long-term relationship, others will try to maintain long-term relationships only to sabotage it once their fears become more intense.

Dating Someone With Commitment Issues

Being in a relationship with an individual with commitment phobia can be incredibly stressful. If your partner has trouble committing and showing their true feelings, it’s only natural that you’d feel lost and confused in the relationship.
However, confusion and resentment may not always stem from commitment phobia. Determining if your partner has underlying commitment issues would require them to share their thoughts and feelings and that’s a tough deal for most commitment-phobes.

How To Tell If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues

If you aren’t sure whether your partner struggles with commitment, ask the following questions:

What were their previous relationships like? Typically, commitment-phobes tend to have a history of unstable and short-lived relationships. Also, if your partner has never been in a long-term relationship, they may struggle with commitment.
Have you met their parents and friends? A person with commitment issues may refrain from including you in their family life. If they aren’t sure that you are here to stay, they may not want you to meet their family and close friends.
Are they willing to plan ahead? If your partner only plans for a couple of weeks or months ahead but refuses to make any long-term plans with you, they may be dealing with underlying commitment issues.
Do they tell you how they truly feel? An unwillingness to open up and talk about how they feel about you and the relationships is a common characteristic of commitment-phobes, so look out for that.

What Do You Do If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues?

Dealing with commitment phobia is no small feat. If you‘re in a relationship with a person struggling with commitment anxiety, it’s understandable that you may doubt the relationship and contemplate leaving it.
While breaking up may be the best course of action in some cases, you should keep in mind that a commitment-phobe probably desires emotional intimacy but has no idea how to change their ways. Here’s how you can try to deal with commitment issues in your relationship:

Give them some space. While you may be afraid of losing your partner, pressuring a commitment-phobe is never a good idea.
Be patient. If they truly love you, they will realize that they want to work on the relationship, even if it may take some time.
Be honest and show them that they can trust you. Many individuals who struggle with commitment are simply afraid of being hurt.
Try to understand why they are the way they are. If you make an effort to be understanding and attentive to your partner’s needs, they will probably appreciate it.
Don’t forget to care about yourself. All of this doesn’t mean that you should put your partner’s needs before your own. If your partner doesn’t want to work on themselves, don’t waste all of your energy on trying to change them.
Seek professional help. Commitment issues can be hard to deal with. Sometimes, the best course of action is to reach out to experienced relationship coaches for guidance.

Let The PIVOT Advocates Help!

Reaching out to seasoned relationship specialists is often the best path to take if you’re dealing with relationship problems. Our knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates rely on a curriculum built over 15 years that we call the PIVOT process, employing effective methods and techniques to help individuals struggling with personal and relational challenges.
Whether you want to try out couples or individual coaching for your relationship struggles or want to visit a relationship problems and solutions retreat that we offer at The Glass House, you’ve come to the right place. Reach out to us today and change your relationships for the better!

Conflicts in a Relationship: How Much Is Too Much?

Posted on January 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Fighting is an integral part of any relationship, no matter how healthy it may be. However, if you and your partner keep butting heads without any kind of resolution, you may be wondering if staying in the relationship is the right decision to make.
Realizing that a relationship is wrong for you can be extremely hard. Still, if your relationship problems keep getting more and more serious, you may find yourself considering breaking up if you want to save both your partner and yourself from getting even more hurt and frustrated.
Thankfully, most relationship struggles can be solved with assistance from a skilled relationship coach. Seasoned relationship experts can be of immense help in a wide range of circumstances, whether you’re struggling with codependency in your relationship or need advice on dealing with anxiety. Couples often need high impact solutions that are customized to their specific needs. Not just talking and talking about the problem.
Read on to find out more about conflicts in relationships and how to deal with them.

What Causes Relationship Conflicts?

People have disagreements for all kinds of reasons. Most of the common relationship conflicts arise from the fact that the partners in a relationship have different values and personalities that may or may not be compatible.
If two people in a relationship keep getting into fights and can’t seem to find common ground, they will first need to determine the root causes of their conflicts. Here are some of the most common causes of conflict in relationships:

Poor communication: If you and your partner can’t fix your arguments using healthy communication patterns, you can expect the same conflicts to reoccur. Listening to your partner’s needs and sharing your own thoughts openly is the only way to move on.
Selfishness: We all focus too much on our own needs sometimes. However, if our egoism gets out of hand, we may forget that our partner has needs and desires too. In fact, selfishness is one of the most common causes of conflicts in relationships.
High expectations: If our partner fails to meet our expectations of the relationship, we tend to feel betrayed and hurt. That is why we need to keep our demands and expectations in check as much as we can.
Criticism: Constructive criticism is one thing, demeaning criticism is something else entirely. Constant criticizing and nagging are bound to lead to conflicts since the criticized party probably feels small, hurt, and resentful.

Does Conflict Strengthen Relationships?

There’s a positive side to conflicts, too. They are a natural part of any relationship and without them, our relationships would never evolve. Through arguments and disagreements, you get to see your partner as a human being with their own wishes and needs.
If you make an effort not to feel attacked when you and your partner disagree and try not to lay blame, you can use the conflict at hand as an opportunity to better understand your partner and find common ground. Stepping back and thinking twice before getting defensive in an argument will enable you to see the situation more clearly and allow you to discuss the core issues that led to the argument without resentment and bitterness.

Positive Effects Of Conflict In Relationships

Here are some of the ways that conflict can be beneficial for your relationship:

It can help you build trust in the relationship.
It will improve emotional intimacy with your partner.
It will make you feel better about both your partner and yourself.
It allows you to see the relationship from your partner’s perspective.
It helps create healthy boundaries in the relationship.

How Do You Handle Conflict In A Relationship?

The way you go about resolving your arguments can make a world of difference. Shouting, screaming, and insults will only make things worse. Here’s what you should do instead:

Be ready to speak honestly. Both parties in a relationship should feel comfortable communicating openly about the way they feel. If that’s not possible, then healthy conflict resolution is out of the question.
Try not to get heated. Once a calm argument turns to insults and aggressiveness, conflict resolution will be near impossible. Try staying as patient and reasonable as you can if you want to fix the issue at hand.
Determine the root cause of the issue. Conflicts are rarely about what they seem to be about. By taking a step back and asking your partner if there is a larger problem that needs to be fixed, you’ll be much more likely to change the situation for the better.
Compromise. If you and your partner care about the relationship enough, you should be able to find a solution that benefits you both. Of course, these compromises shouldn’t feel like sacrifices, but like a healthy, mature agreement between two adults.
Pick your battles. If you realize in the middle of an argument that you and your partner are fighting over a trivial thing, consider laughing it off and backing down. Bickering about where you’ll go for dinner isn’t really something you should waste your energy on.
Reach out to professionals. Unfortunately, not all couples can resolve their issues without external help. If you and your partner can’t stop fighting over trivialities, consider partaking in a couples workshop for deepening relationships.

How Do You Know When To End A Relationship?

Sometimes, a relationship is simply not meant to be. Trying to salvage a failing relationship isn’t always possible, and that’s okay. But how do you know if the relationship is worth fighting for? Here are some signs you should look out for:

You don’t feel like yourself in the relationship. Disliking yourself or feeling like a different person in a relationship is not a good sign.
You can’t get over small irritations. Can’t seem to tolerate the little annoying habits your partner has? If small annoyances become too much, it may be time to say goodbye.
You feel like you’re carrying the relationship. A relationship that’s severely one-sided can be extremely exhausting and may not be worth the effort.
You don’t feel like your partner truly loves you. Naturally, you shouldn’t stay in a relationship in which you don’t feel loved. Be mindful to not mix up your past wounds of abandonment and neglect from childhood into unrealistic expectations from your partner. In other words, do your attachment work first.
You’re not confident in your own feelings. This goes both ways. If you’re not certain that you love your partner, you’d do both of you a favor by leaving the relationship if you have done everything to save it and have reached the end.
You make too many sacrifices in the relationship. If your relationship is taking your life away from you, that’s a serious reason to consider breaking up.

Our Experienced Relationship Coaches Are Here to Help

Our relationships can cause both immense happiness and great distress. If we want the positives to outweigh the negatives, we need to put in substantial time and effort into making the relationship work.
Luckily, you don’t have to do everything yourself. With assistance from our seasoned PIVOT Advocates, you can find amazing solutions to your relationship conflicts and discover new ways to enjoy spending time with your partner. e
PIVOT offers both couples and individual relationship coaching, as well as our five-day retreats at The Glass House. Reach out to us today!

Vulnerability And Trust In Relationships: How To Let Your Guard Down

Posted on January 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Being in a relationship means letting the other person in and allowing them to see you for who you truly are, insecurities and all. Unfortunately, not all of us find it easy to share our deepest feelings and thoughts. In fact, for many people, building trust in relationships is one of the hardest aspects of being in one.
Building emotional intimacy with your partner wouldn’t be possible unless you trust them and feel comfortable being vulnerable around them. Naturally, it can be difficult to trust someone who’s dealing with commitment issues but learning how to trust your partner is a must if you want the relationship to work.
Read on to learn how to let your guard down in a relationship and trust your partner.

Can You Be In Love With Someone And Not Trust Them?

We don’t choose who we love, that’s just the way it is. Even if you feel like you shouldn’t trust your partner for one reason or another, that doesn’t mean that you can’t have deep feelings for them. However, a relationship can hardly work unless both parties are willing to show trust. In fact, trust should be the cornerstone of any relationship. Without it, disappointments and conflicts in your relationship are bound to pile up, often reaching a breaking point if not addressed properly.

Why Trust Is Important In A Relationship

Lack of trust is one of the most common reasons for breakups. Unless both parties are willing to build their partnership on trust, it’s likely that they will encounter countless issues later on. Here’s why trust is essential:

It’s hard to feel comfortable around someone you can’t trust.
Mutual trust is necessary for overcoming relationship obstacles.
Trust issues can be a great source of anxiety and stress.
Trust enables you to be your true self around your partner.

Is Being Vulnerable A Weakness?

Being vulnerable is hard. We can never know how other people will treat us, and risking showing our true feelings and opening up our hearts just to end up hurt and disappointed is a frightening thought. But just because vulnerability is scary to most of us doesn’t mean that it’s a weakness. On the contrary, being vulnerable takes outstanding courage and is absolutely necessary for building meaningful relationships.
To be vulnerable means to truly feel and let our emotions show. If we approach vulnerability as a weakness, we do the same with our feelings, and our feelings are more than valid. Respecting and embracing our deepest feelings and letting them show is the only way to build genuine and lasting connections with other people. So, no, vulnerability is not a weakness – if anything, it’s a strength and a great one at that.

How To Be Vulnerable In A Relationship

If you are struggling with being vulnerable in a relationship, know that you aren’t alone. Most of us have trouble letting our guard down and admitting that we’re insecure or afraid. Still, putting up a brave front will only distance you from your partner. Luckily, we can all change – it’s never too late to learn how to be more vulnerable.

Make Examining Your Feelings A Habit

Avoiding and suppressing emotions will only lead to deeper insecurities and distance you from your true self. Only if you make an effort to check in with yourself on a regular basis and clarify how you really feel will enable you to understand and accept who you really are.

Face Your Fears And Insecurities

Running away from your fears will do you no good. Instead, you should focus on precisely the thoughts and feelings that cause you distress. By reaching the parts of yourself that are buried deep, you’ll be able to integrate the negative and hurtful aspects of your personality and become more comfortable with vulnerability.

Share Your Thoughts And Passions

Just as you should face the dark parts of yourself, you should also freely speak about anything that makes you happy or that you’re passionate about. Even if you think that your wishes and goals may sound silly or stupid to some, open up anyways and let your partner see what actually moves you in life.

How Do You Know If You Can Trust Someone?

While learning how to show trust in a relationship is extremely important, that doesn’t mean that you should trust everybody. In the dating phase or early in a relationship, it can be hard to know if the other person is trustworthy or not. If you spot the following behaviors, you may want to reconsider the relationship:

They accuse you of behaviors they are guilty of. If your partner or love interest gets jealous for no reason and accuses you of being dishonest, they may be projecting their own flaws on you. They don’t trust themselves and, in turn, can’t trust anyone else.
They lack empathy. Untrustworthy people don’t care if they’ve hurt someone. And if they do feel guilty, they will rationalize their actions in all kinds of ways, trying to diminish the impact that their behavior has on other people.
They are fickle in decision-making. If you’re dating a person who’s volatile and inconsistent in their behavior, don’t be surprised if they turn out to be unfaithful or dishonest. Such individuals don’t seem to know what they want and tend to be untrustworthy.
They share other people’s secrets. This one applies to both romantic relationships and friendships. If they gossip and talk about things that were said to them in confidence, rest assured that they will do the same to you too.
They lie even to themselves. If you notice that the person you’re with sees themselves in a way that’s wildly inconsistent with how other people see them, you may want to pass on the relationship. This means that they don’t want to face the painful truth about themselves so they create their own reality.

The PIVOT Process: Positive Change Is Possible

If you’re struggling with trust in your relationships, know that things can always change for the better. Learning to trust is a choice – it may take some time and considerable effort, but the results will undoubtedly be worth it. Close relationships are built on trust and overcoming your trust issues is the only way to connect to your partner on a deeper level.
Sometimes, we all need a helping hand when it comes to our relationship struggles. With guidance from PIVOT Advocates, you can work your way towards healthier relationships and a greater understanding of both your partner and yourself.
At PIVOT, we provide help to individuals struggling with a wide variety of problems, including trust issues, low self-esteem, or codependency problems in relationships. We offer effective relationship coaching for individuals and couples, as well as intensive relationship workshops and 5-day retreats at the Glass House. Contact us today!

Restoring A Relationship After A Breakup

Posted on January 10, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a relationship is to break up. Breakup is a harsh term for some, however, it is the universal term people use to describe ending a relationship. Still, splitting up with someone doesn’t have to be forever. Many couples figure out that they still want to be together and work on improving their relationship after the break.
Saving a relationship after a breakup is no easy task, especially if you and your partner are trying to resolve issues such as emotional withholding and silent treatment. Luckily, most relationships can be changed for the better with a bit of time and effort, as well as through effective couples relationship coaching. Additionally, you may find the support you need to fix the relationship in an intensive problems and solutions retreat.
Read on to learn how you can save your relationship after splitting up and rebuild trust with your partner.

Can A Relationship Work After A Break?

If you’re thinking about getting back together after a break in your relationship, you may be wondering if it’s even possible to make it work after everything that’s happened.
Naturally, reconciliation after a breakup isn’t always possible. Sometimes, staying in the relationship simply isn’t healthy – you may be dealing with codependency or have trouble with people-pleasing tendencies that put you in an unfavorable position in the relationship.
Nevertheless, many relationships can be saved if both parties work together to fix their issues in a healthy way. For instance, issues such as a lack of intimacy or poor communication between partners can be resolved with the right approach and a lot of patience.

How Long After A Breakup Should You Wait To Get Back Together?

Overcoming relationship challenges can be a difficult and lengthy process. While there are no rules when it comes to the right time to reconcile with your ex partner, you shouldn’t rush yourself if you feel like the problem hasn’t been resolved. Before you try and make things work once again, make sure that you know exactly what you want from the relationship and that your partner is on the same page.

How Do You Rebuild A Relationship After A Breakup?

Getting back together after a break can be tough, but it’s certainly not impossible. Here’s what you can do to try and make the relationship work.

1. Make Sure Both Parties Are On The Same Page

Reconciliation won’t be possible unless both you and your partner are willing to put in substantial time and effort into rekindling the relationship. If one of you is less enthusiastic than the other, it’s likely that you’ll encounter the same problems all over again. Both individuals need to be willing to invest the necessary time and effort to rebuild the relationship.

2. Communication Is Key

If you want your relationship to be healthy and successful, you will have to be ready to talk to your partner honestly and without judgment. Good communication is a prerequisite for a happy relationship, so make sure to speak with and listen to your partner on a regular basis. This can be challenging with a history of one or both of you not feeling comfortable using your voice when you are hurt or angry. Silence can be deadly to relationships.

3. Figure Out Why The Breakup Happened.

Once you and your partner are on the same page and able to communicate openly, try to work together to determine the main reasons why your relationship didn’t work the first time. Just be aware that this isn’t about anger and blame but about gaining a deeper understanding of your issues.

4. Take It Slow And Be Patient

Your relationship can’t be rebuilt overnight. While you may be tempted to ignore the underlying problems in your relationship if you feel like you and your partner are doing better, sometimes it’s better to start things over, step by step, and get to know your partner once again.

5. Experiment And Embrace Change

It’s often necessary to make a few changes after a breakup in order to reinvent the relationship. Don’t be afraid to shake things up and share new experiences with your partner. By having fun and enjoying some quality time together, you’ll see what made your relationship special to begin with.

Can Trust Be Rebuilt?

Building trust in a relationship is hard enough as it is. Rebuilding it after a breakup can be even tougher, especially if the reason for splitting up was infidelity. Still, it can be done if both you and your partner are ready to commit to making the relationship better but overcoming trust issues will definitely take some time. The WHY behind the infidelity needs to be revealed and understood by both individuals.

How Long Does The Pain Of Betrayal Last?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question since people deal with emotional betrayal in different ways. You may be able to forgive your partner in a couple of months or you might need significantly longer than that to learn how to let your guard down once again.

How Do You Heal From The Pain Of Betrayal?

Either way, overcoming emotional betrayal will surely require a lot of patience and determination from both parties in the relationship. In order to learn to trust your partner again, you may need to:

Control your emotions and keep anger outbursts in check.
Learn how to forgive your partner and try not to mention the betrayal in every fight.
Refrain from blaming yourself and feeling resentful towards your partner.
Learn how to care for yourself and put your needs first.
Be honest with yourself about where the relationship is going.

How Do You Regain Trust After A Breakup?

If you’ve decided to give your partner a second chance, you need to be ready to put in some effort. Here’s how to how to build trust back in a relationship after breaking up:

Learn how to trust yourself before you learn how to trust your partner. If your partner has cheated, you need to learn when to trust your instincts. Of course, you shouldn’t suspect that your partner is cheating again every time you get into a fight.
Try to keep a positive outlook. Emotional betrayals are difficult and painful, but that doesn’t mean that everything needs to be negative. Try focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship instead of dwelling on past issues all the time.
Don’t look back too much. If you keep returning to the details of the betrayal every single day, you may diminish the chances of your relationship’s recovery. Instead, try focusing on the future and how you and your partner can work together to fix the relationship.

Does Coaching Help After A Breakup?

Reaching out to dating and relationship experts can be of immense benefit to your mental health and wellbeing after a breakup. Here’s how attending a couples workshop after a breakup can help:

You will understand and accept your grief. Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings can help you overcome your sadness and prepare you to date again when the time comes.
A relationship coach may motivate you to change. If you talk with an expert, you may find all the tools and resources you need to overcome your relationship challenges by finding effective and healthy solutions.
Your healing process will have structure. Breakups can be messy. If you feel lost, professional help may be crucial for finding balance and focus again after heartbreak.

Have A Fresh Start With #1 Couples Relationship Coaching

If you find yourself wondering if there is a way to rekindle a broken relationship and can’t seem to come up with a satisfactory answer, reaching out to professionals may be the best course of action. Fixing a broken relationship is hard and if you can’t do it yourself, why not let PIVOT Advocates help?
At PIVOT, we specialize in helping both individuals and couples with their relationships, allowing them to move forward without fear, anger, and resentment. In addition to providing effective individual and relationship coaching, you can also fix your relationship by attending our short-term intensive workshop at The Glass House where you can transform your relationships through our intensive workshops.
Reach out to us today!

Modern Dating… How to Find Fulfilling Relationships

Posted on January 6, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

The world of dating has changed so much. Now we have online dating, dating apps, and speed dating; it can be challenging to sift through the modern dating ways to find a fulfilling relationship.
Dating, whether it’s done with modern methods or the old-fashioned approach, is still a great way to get to know someone to see if you’re a good fit together.

What Are The Rules Of Dating?

Read our list of how to negotiate the modern dating methods to find your fulfilling relationship. Here’s how to navigate modern dating etiquette with ease:

1. Spend time healing from past relationships

Make sure you’ve healed from past relationships or unresolved childhood trauma. Before you focus on dating, make sure you have dealt with your emotional issues… otherwise, you bring these issues into the relationship.
Nothing is more damaging than trying to build a relationship when you are feeling broken. Take time out before you jump into dating again, invest in yourself, nurture yourself and grow.

2. Don’t rely on dating profiles

Dating profiles are helpful, but remember, they don’t represent everything about the person.
Dating profiles include the information you choose to reveal about yourself and vice versa. In some cases, the profiles are too generic to differentiate you from someone else.
Use dating profiles to filter the people you want to see, rather than rely on them to “get to know the person.”
After all, you need to meet and talk to the person to see if there can be a potential connection.

3. Be authentic

In the world of modern dating, it can be difficult to be you. It’s natural to have your guard up. However, if you are not yourself, then you will not progress your relationship as your date will miss out on knowing the real you.
The first step to growing a fulfilling relationship is to be your true self and accept your authenticity in all its imperfections. This means you will know who you are and what makes you happy.
Of course, this goes both ways. Both you and your date need to accept one another… faults and all, so that you can build a foundation for your relationship.

4. Don’t wait to make contact after the date(s)

The old rules of the man making the first move or waiting for a set number of days after the date to call you has changed.
In these modern dating times, there are no rules for when or who should make contact after the date.
If you want to say you had a great time, or invite your date out again, then do so. Don’t hold back or play games.
With the various communication modes available, there is no excuse not to make contact. Don’t let them think you are not interested.
Communication is an important pillar of a relationship so you should communicate openly and honestly right from the beginning.

5. Be prepared for your date to be dating (many) others

Now with a vast range of online dating and dating apps, it means that your date is probably dating more than one person at a time. If this is uncomfortable for you, then it’s time to get mentally prepared.
With technology changing the modern dating scene, it has opened the possibility of “connecting”, “liking” and “dating” many people at once.
It can be challenging, especially if you are used to dating only one person at a time. However, many people use this dating method to filter through people and then choose who they want to be exclusive with.
The best way to deal with this is to be prepared… emotionally and mentally. And never feel pressured to “stand out” from others. Remember, you are unique and special.
If you are dating someone that you want to get to know better, then let them know you want to be exclusive.

6. Take things slow

Although it’s widely accepted in these modern dating times that people sleep together on the first date, it’s worth waiting to get to know someone first. Especially if either of you are dating several people at once.
Taking things slower helps to build a real connection first instead of just having a physical connection.

7. Ghosting… don’t do it

No matter whether it is the old dating or modern methods, people are still challenged by confrontation.
This means ghosting (when someone seemingly disappears into thin air without communicating… no texts, no calls, no messages) has become more prevalent.
If you are dating someone and you know it is unlikely to go further, then it is always best to be upfront, honest and tell them you are not interested.
Even though this is a difficult thing to say, at least you are respecting them enough to end the relationship, rather than leave them wondering.
On the other hand, if someone you have been seeing suddenly stops communicating with you, then respect yourself and move on. Set your boundaries and don’t hang on waiting for them.

8. Choose the right person

The key to having a fulfilling relationship comes down to who you select to be your partner.
Selecting the right person can be less challenging if you have a criterion for what you are looking for in a partner.
Think about what is important to you and what you can’t compromise on. This may include:

Considerate
Kind
Loving
Respectful
Attractive
Fun
Genuine
Communicate easily

Don’t place all the emphasis on attraction, because if you don’t trust, accept, or respect them, then the relationship will struggle.

Dating Rules And The Modern Dating Scene

In summary, although dating has changed, the critical thing is to be open, be yourself and be ready for a relationship.
We recommend trying these methods in your modern dating approach to see what difference it makes in building a fulfilling relationship.

How PIVOT Can Help

If you would like more advice on healthy dating, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help. As your dating coach, our PIVOT Advocate will help you reveal and break unconscious patterns you fall into that keep you from having a happy and healthy relationship.
Apart from one-on-one sessions with a PIVOT Advocate, we offer 5-day intensives at our private retreat The Glass House, where our PIVOT coaches will determine your attachment style, pinpointing your unhealthy relationship patterns and choices and instigating behavior change. Contact us to learn more about the PIVOT process.