Insecure Anxious Attachment

Struggling with jealousy, feeling insecure, and feeling nervous about being separated from your partner are all possible signs of anxious attachment. Rooted in childhood fear of abandonment and feelings of being underappreciated, anxious attachment can affect your adult relationships in a number of ways, often causing trust and intimacy problems. 

If you worry that you have an anxious attachment style, you can learn how to build trust in your relationship by attending a workshop tailored to your unique needs. If you learn more about how anxious attachment comes about, you’ll be able to regulate the difficult emotions triggered by your childhood wounds. Understanding how your early experiences shaped who you are today is the first step in building healthy behavioral patterns and mechanisms. 

Keep reading to learn what anxious attachment is, what may trigger it, and how you can work on changing unhealthy survival patterns.  

What Is Insecure Anxious Attachment?

What Triggers Anxious Attachment

As a kid, you were completely dependent on your parents or caregivers for protection and nurture. If you were denied an appropriate emotional environment in your childhood, you may have developed an insecure attachment pattern. Anxious attachment, in particular, tends to come about in children who get inconsolable when their caregivers neglect and abandon them.

Do you struggle to feel secure in your relationships? Do you experience a deep fear of abandonment and constantly worry about your partner leaving you? Does your complete inner world feel uncertain, as well as your relationships with others? These may all be signs that you  have an anxious attachment style.

What Does Anxious Attachment Look Like?

Not sure if your attachment style could be anxious at times? This may be the case if you: 

  • Struggle with trusting others. Do you often feel like other people don’t have your best interest in mind? Or struggle sharing secrets? Do you expect other people to lie, cheat, or betray you? 
  • Have low self-worth. People with anxious attachment often have low-self esteem and struggle with confidence. 
  • Constantly worry that your partner may abandon you. Do you consider yourself to be clingy? Are you afraid that your partner doesn’t love you or think that they are cheating even if you don’t have a good reason to believe so? 
  • Crave intimacy and closeness. You want to be loved and valued in your relationship, yet often overstep boundaries when seeking intimacy. 
  • Seek frequent reassurance from your loved ones. It is perfectly natural to seek validation and appreciation from others. However, anxious attachment may take this to another level, causing a compulsive need for reassurance. 
  • Are highly sensitive to the moods and actions of your partner. How easy is it for you to differentiate between your own moods and your partner’s? Do you focus on their emotional state more than your own?  
  • Tend to be impulsive, moody, and highly emotional. Individuals with anxious attachment often experience shifting and unstable moods. They may act without thinking and struggle with self-regulation

What Triggers Anxious Attachment?

While it is not entirely clear to define everything that may cause anxious attachment, inconsistent parenting seems to be an important contributing factor. 

If your parents or caregivers were nurturing and loving at some times and emotionally unavailable or cold at others, it may have caused you to become insecure and confused. As a child, you didn’t know what to expect from your parents and their actions therefore if can leave you with a feeling of unmet longing.  craved their love and protection. 

Parents who struggle to respond adequately to signs of distress in their child may also contribute to anxious attachment. For example, they may consistently not pick up their crying child because they don’t want to “spoil” the child. Other inconsistent parenting patterns may include harsh criticism, insensitivity, and ambivalence. All of this may cause the child to become “whiny” or “clingy”, and transfer these learned behaviors into adulthood. 

As your attachment style is adopted in a critical period of your upbringing, it can be difficult to overcome, just like it is to break free from dysfunctional family patterns in general. However hard it may be, it is possible to heal your inner child and adjust your behavioral patterns in a beneficial way. 

You can learn how to value yourself and meet your own needs. Awareness and understanding of your survival patterns can help you create stronger relationships and create your own set of values and goals. 

How Do I Change My Anxious Attachment Style?

While it may not be possible to change the attachment patterns you developed as a child, you can learn how to feel safer and more secure in your romantic relationships. Self-awareness and conscious effort are a big part of this. Try the following steps: 

  • Try to observe and become aware of your typical modes of interaction in relationships. 
  • Identify the emotions underlying your insecurity and anxiety as well as your reactions to them.
  • Practice self-regulation strategies and work on controlling your impulses.
  • Practice mindfulness and meditation. This can help you control your impulses and reactions in a calm, thoughtful manner. 
  • Contact an experienced relationship coach who can provide you with effective strategies for healing your childhood wounds. 

Attend A Relationship Building Skills Workshop & Gain Awareness Of Your Attachment Patterns 

What Does Anxious Attachment Look Like

At PIVOT, we understand how hard it can be to change learned behaviors and create more secure relationships. We want to provide you with resources and strategies for understanding your survival patterns and effectively managing difficult emotions. Our experience and expertise-based relational modules and tailored workshops for couples are designed to enable your healthy adult to emerge and repair the actions that are no longer serving you. 

Remember that you can bring your highest self to consciousness and choose healthier mechanisms for creating connections in your life. The compassionate team at PIVOT will show you how to think rationally (THINK), develop emotional intelligence (FEEL) and take healthy action (DO) to improve your well-being and eliminate drama. Contact PIVOT now and start your journey to becoming a healthy adult! 

What Is Anxiety?

If you’ve ever felt anxious, you’re not alone.
Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling of fear or apprehension about the unknown. Perhaps a job interview, giving a speech or going on a first date may cause individuals to feel fearful and nervous.
But if your feelings of anxiety are extreme, or and are interfering with your life then, you may have an anxiety disorder.

What Causes Anxiety?

It’s important to note that anxiety disorders are not the result of personal weakness. For some, it is a strength that you onboarded early in life to protect yourself and others from drama and more trauma.
From scientific research, we know that anxiety is caused by a combination of factors, including brain chemistry and environmental factors.
Life challenges and different circumstances can often cause anxiety to drive our emotions. It can get so intense that the feeling of powerlessness can be destabilizing.
What’s more, if anxiety is not treated, it can lead to deep feelings of depression and other challenging health problems. And, when anxiety is treated, some find underneath the anxiety may be a mound of depression. The anxiety can act as a gatekeeper to keep you from feeling depressed. So, often the two go hand in hand.

How Anxiety Affects Relationships

Most individuals who experience anxiety often feel relationally challenged with people and situations. People who experience intense anxiety, struggle to live their everyday life healthily.
Unfortunately, anxiety can lead to a pattern of attracting addictive relationships, which can result in love addiction and even serious codependency issues.

Do I Have Anxiety? Here Are Some Common Signs

If you’re wondering if you or a loved one has an anxiety disorder, here are the most common anxiety symptoms:

Most Common Signs Of Anxiety Disorder:

  • Racing thoughts
  • Rapid breathing and shortness of breath – leading to not enough oxygen
  • Difficulty falling asleep or interrupted sleeping patterns and insomnia
  • A fear that something terrible is going to happen to yourself or your loved ones
  • Stomach problems – indigestion, constipation, and diarrhea
  • Restlessness and feeling unable to relax – feeling tense most of the time
  • Constant “thinking” resulting in fatigue
  • Difficulty handling uncertainty or indecisiveness
  • The inability to let go of worry
  • Feeling fearful all the time
  • Increased heart rate
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Nightmares
  • Panic attacks

Anxiety And Depression

If you have an anxiety disorder, you may also be feeling depressed. Although anxiety and depression can occur separately, it’s common for both to occur together.
Anxiety can be caused by clinical depression. Likewise, severe depression can be triggered by an anxiety disorder.
The good news… symptoms of both conditions can be managed with the same treatments: professional counseling, medication, and lifestyle changes.

What To Do If You Experience Anxiety Disorder?

If you think you are in experiencing an anxiety disorder, the first step is to get diagnosed.
You will need to be patient, as an anxiety diagnosis includes a lengthy process of physical examinations, mental health evaluations, and psychological questionnaires.

How To Deal With Anxiety

Once you’ve been diagnosed, you can explore treatment options. For some individuals, lifestyle changes may be enough to cope with the symptoms.
In moderate or severe cases, however, counseling or medical treatment can help to overcome the symptoms and help you lead a healthy life.
The good news is you’re not stuck with this forever. You can learn how to calm anxiety and create a healthy relationship in the future.
Recovery starts with being aware of and recognizing the symptoms. It is about healing yourself and being committed to healing.

Let PIVOT Advocates Help!

We recommend that you seek support from professionals. Remember, you are worthy of happiness, love and a healthy relationship.
The Glass House offers intensive relationship building skills workshops designed to repair and restore relational challenges as well as calm down the nervous system and begin to tolerate feelings that occur. This is a BIG help to reduce anxiety brought on by relationship challenges.
What’s more, you can work with the PIVOT Advocates whenever it suits you. Our coaches can help you with your relationship conflicts, enable you to express your desires and emotions in a healthy way, practice vulnerability in relationships, and assist you in achieving a greater understanding of yourself.
Whether you choose our couples or individual coaching programs, you can expect swift progress towards healthier and happier relationships. We’re here to help.