Category: Articles

Relationships can become boring, especially if both partners have started putting less effort into trying to enjoy each other and joint activities. However, being bored doesn’t sound like the biggest of problems and that is precisely why it can become a serious issue.

Boredom is among the most common reasons behind failing relationships, alongside severe emotional distancing between partners, problems with dishonesty in a relationship, and losing attraction to your significant other. This is why it is important to address relationship boredom as soon as you notice this issue.

There are many reasons behind your relationship getting a bit stale, and it is important to identify the root cause in order to start resolving the issue. If you find it difficult to rekindle the joyful spark, an experienced coach can provide professional emotional intimacy coaching that can help you and your partner find excitement again. However, it’s important to understand the reason behind this problem and its possible effects. 

Is It Normal To Be Bored In A Relationship?

People feel bored all the time and relationships are no exceptions. However, experiencing relationship boredom can feel especially discouraging because it can make you question you and your partner’s compatibility and potential for a lasting loving relationship.

All that said, being bored in a relationship is a normal and common issue that happens to many couples. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need to do anything to alleviate the situation and let it unfold on its own. As usual and as frequent boredom in a relationship might be, it is something to pay attention to and attempt to resolve.

Relationship boredom can be a sign of a more serious underlying problem or it can lead to serious relationship issues if left unresolved. That is why it’s important to understand why you’re experiencing relationship boredom and consider implementing methods to deal with it in a healthy, constructive way.

Why Does A Relationship Become Boring?

Do Couples Get Tired Of Each Other?

Looking around you, it might be easy to notice couples and spouses who are tired of each other and think of it as an inevitability of life. However, there is no emotional or psychological rule that states that all couples get tired of each other and that there is nothing you can do about it besides waiting for it to happen to you.

The truth is that the majority of couples go through rough patches and experience problems in the relationship. However, the lack of taking action, to resolve the problems that arise, is often the reason behind unhappy or unsuccessful relationships.

So, although some couples do “get tired of each other” and relationship boredom may arise from time to time, that doesn’t immediately mean that your relationship is at its end. Many relationship issues require active involvement, not quitting.

How Do I Fix My Boredom In A Relationship?

If you’re willing to work on and through the feelings of boredom in your relationship, there are several things you can try doing to break up the habit and inspire enthusiasm and excitement:

• Be honest with your partner about what’s going on and work on it together.
• Find a way to break up the same old daily routine and spice things up.
• Try surprising your partner and making the relationship more dynamic.
• Consider changing your current environment since this can also help with eliminating boredom.
• Create a bucket list for your relationship consisting of all the things you’d like to do together.
• Start touching your partner more and show them how you feel through physical intimacy.
• Go on dates and remember the feeling of first meeting each other.
• Start flirting with your partner again and revive the lost spark.
• Consider taking up a new hobby together.

However, you have to be aware of the fact that sometimes, even against you and your partner’s best efforts, boredom will not seem to go away. At these times, you might want to consider truing professional emotional coaching. Experienced relationship advocates can help you find the underlying problem behind this issue and change behavioral patterns that might be the cause.  

Start Rebuilding Intimacy In Your Relationship At PIVOT 

Although experiencing boredom in a relationship does not sound like the most serious problem couples can face, it is still a matter that requires your attention. Being in a boring relationship may cause serious relationship challenges and even breakups. 

However, it is never too late to reconnect with your partner and rediscover the joy and the excitement you once had. Even if you struggle to do it alone, you can always turn to qualified relationship coaches for professional emotional intimacy coaching that will help you with building intimacy and interest in your relationship again.

PIVOT is the ideal place for you and your partner to find the enthusiasm and the elation you once had. Our seasoned and educated relationship advocates organize individual coaching sessions, as well as workshops and retreats for couples. You can place your trust in us to help you and your partner find joy once again. Contact us today!

Experiencing intense feelings is an integral part of being human. Our deepest feelings, whether it’s sadness, anger, or joy, power our most interesting and vivid behavior. But what if you feel empty? Is being numb the same as being emotionless? Is it even possible to be entirely emotionless? 

Feeling detached and lacking emotion can be a sign of deep emotional intimacy issues, as well as a range of medical conditions. At times, we may even choose to be emotionless for fear of succumbing to the weight and intensity of our feelings and emotions. In this article, we explore why someone would lack emotion and how one can deal with a person who is experiencing emotional blockage. Keep on reading. 

Can A Person Be Emotionless?

Have you ever felt detached and disconnected from your emotions? The answer is probably yes. You may have felt that way when you were overwhelmed with everything going on in your life, and realized at one point that you actually felt nothing. But was that really the case? Were you truly emotionless or were you just bottling up emotions? 

It is entirely normal to detach yourself from your feelings when you are stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious. This does not mean that the emotions aren’t there – you’re simply not acknowledging them, or you may be trying to analyze them objectively and not let them overcome you. 

This is known as emotional detachment, which can be a natural response to a stressful situation. However, emotional detachment can also result from trauma or abuse, as well as be a sign of several psychological conditions, including attachment and personality disorders.  

What Causes A Person To Be Emotionless?

There is a wide range of possible reasons why you may feel numb or emotionless. Here are some of the most common causes of emotional detachment: 

• Depression: Detachment is a common symptom of depression. When you’re depressed, you may feel little interest in things you used to enjoy, as well as have a sense of general apathy and indifference. 
• Anxiety: Severe anxiety can also cause you to lose touch with your emotions. Detachment can serve as a protection mechanism for your anxious feelings and thoughts. 
• Severe stress: Similarly, lacking emotion can also be a result of overwhelming stress. If you’ve had a stressful period in your life, detaching yourself from your emotions is an entirely natural response. 
• Medication: Some medication used to treat depression and anxiety can cause emotional detachment. They can affect the way in which your brain processes emotion and mood, causing confusion and apathy. 
• Abuse: Experiencing physical or emotional abuse and manipulation can cause a variety of issues, including emotional detachment. It is often easier for abuse victims to distance themselves from the experience and the emotions it has caused. 
• Underlying disorders: Emotional detachment can also be a symptom of certain psychological conditions, such as reactive attachment disorder and several personality disorders. 

Why Would Someone Hide Their Feelings?

At times, we may consciously decide to hide our feelings from others, for one reason or another. Emotional detachment, on one hand, is often a subconscious process – the individual experiencing it may not know why they lack emotion. On the other hand, you may make a conscious effort to hide or ignore your emotions. You may do so because: 

You Don’t Want To Appear Weak 

Openly showing your emotions usually means being vulnerable. It is entirely normal to fear exposing your vulnerabilities to other people, especially if you feel like they would judge you. For this reason, you may choose to hide your anger, fear, sadness, or frustration. 

You Don’t Want To Get Hurt Or Hurt Others

If you want to avoid a painful conflict or put yourself in a situation where you may be emotionally manipulated, you might choose not to react negatively and hide your feelings. You may do so because you have issues with trust or lack faith in your conflict resolution abilities. 

You Lack Confidence 

If you’ve had your feelings invalidated since a young age, it’s possible that you’ve also learned to conceal them. Your parents or caregivers may have reprimanded you for emotional outbursts, whether positive or negative, so you no longer feel confident expressing your feelings and opinions. 

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Unavailable Relationship?

Having a loved one who is emotionally detached or unavailable can put quite a bit of strain on your relationship with them and your own mental health. Here’s what you can do to cope with an emotionally distant or unavailable person: 

• Understand the causes: try to uncover the root causes of your loved one’s emotional detachment. Are they trying to avoid a conflict? Are they struggling with depression? Determining where they’re coming from can enable you to offer better help and deal with the situation. 
• Offer support: your partner or family member may not want to show their feelings, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t need support or validation from you. Show them that you are there for them, but don’t pressure them into opening up. 
• Focus on yourself: instead of focusing all of your energy on getting your loved one to let their guard down, express your own feelings – explain to them how their emotional unavailability is affecting you without being accusatory. 
• Don’t feel responsible for their feelings: while you may genuinely want to help your loved one get better and become more honest with their emotions, at the end of the day, their feelings are their own, not yours. Don’t try to manage or control them. 
• Consider professional coaching: An experienced coach can help you and your loved one build trust and deepen intimacy. A professional will use expert tactics to calmly and supportively get your loved one to speak and open up. 

Learn To Embrace Your Emotions With PIVOT Emotional Intimacy Coaching

While detaching yourself from your feelings can be quite helpful in certain situations, ignoring them for too long can have serious consequences on your mental and physical health. It can affect your relationships and hinder your ability to create strong bonds based on honesty and trust. 

Luckily, you can rely on PIVOT Coaches to offer expert support through individual coaching and provide insightful advice in our relationship workshops. If you are ready to take the first step towards an emotionally balanced life, get in touch with a PIVOT Coach today. 

Do you struggle to move forward and achieve your goals? Have you ever felt anxious or even paralyzed because of a situation in your life? If you feel like there is no way out of your bad situation, like you are trapped in it but unable to do anything about it, you may be experiencing emotional blockage. 

Our emotions are an essential part of our psychological makeup – they are a natural response to both external and internal happenings and situations. We all experience emotions, although some individuals may struggle with emotional detachment. 

Unfortunately, our emotions can sometimes bottle up and create a barrier that can prevent us from thinking creatively and moving towards our goals. This is known as emotional blockage, a condition that can benefit greatly from relationship intimacy coaching exercises and other forms of psychological help. Keep reading to learn about suppressing emotions.  

What Is Emotional Blockage?

Being emotionally blocked means having an unhealthy relationship with your emotions. You may be unable to express and communicate them, or you might experience difficulties understanding why you feel the way you do. It is a defense mechanism that keeps us from coming to terms with our emotions, thinking clearly, and taking forward action. 

Emotional blockage can be quite difficult to deal with. You may be fighting hard to avoid or ignore your emotions, which instead makes them even more overpowering and pervasive. Instead of going away, your emotions will bubble up, leaving you confused, easily triggered, and prone to lashing out. What’s more, intense emotional blockage can also cause severe anxiety and depression. All of this can affect many aspects of your life, including your behavior, cognitive skills, work, friendships, and relationships. 

What Causes Emotional Blockage?

Emotional blockages are typically caused by negative, traumatic, or stressful situations and events the individual is not prepared or used to dealing with. These may include: 

• Abuse and traumatic experiences 
• Death of a loved one 
• Relationship breakups or turbulences 
• Employment status changes 
• Unexpected moves or lifestyle changes 
• Diagnosis of serious medical illnesses 

You can also become emotionally blocked by positive events such as news of pregnancy, promotions, unexpected visits. In general, emotional blockage can be a natural response to a wide range of shocking events, as we need time to process the new information and the changes that may come from it. 

Is It Bad To Hold Back Your Emotions?

Choosing to bury your feelings can lead to a variety of issues, both internally and externally. If you don’t react to a stressful situation by letting out the painful emotions or at least acknowledging them, you may start to withdraw from others, react inappropriately, experience anger outbursts, or fall into apathy. Ultimately, you’ll most likely be unable to resolve your emotional, social, or professional issues unless you express and deal with your emotions. 

What Happens If You Hold In Your Emotions?

Suppressing painful emotions can lead to a range of psychological and physical stress on your body. Here are some concrete examples of how emotional blockages can affect the quality of your life: 

Addictions 

Bottling up emotions can lead to substance abuse, whether it’s with alcohol, antidepressants, or drugs. If not addressed, addictions can further worsen your emotional situation. 

Anger Issues

If you keep suppressing hurtful emotions, burying them as deep as they can go, they’ll inevitably push back at some point, pouring out in intense bursts of anger. If you notice yourself lashing out at people close to you, take a step back and think about what you may be avoiding. 

Social Problems

Withdrawing from others, lashing out, and being emotionally unavailable can negatively impact your relationships. You may distance yourself from your romantic partner, struggle to maintain some of your friendships, or fail to build strong professional relationships. 

Mental Exhaustion

When you suppress emotions, you may also suppress a memory of an event or situation that has hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable. As you can’t actually forget something on purpose, your mind will have to work extra hard to avoid thinking about the memory in question, often causing mental exhaustion.  

Migraines And Headaches

The unaddressed emotional stress can tighten your brow and forehead muscles, reducing blood flow and causing headaches and migraines. 

Decreased Lifespan 

Not dealing with your emotions can cause a number of other health issues, including stomach problems, weight gain, and even increased cancer risks. In fact, suppressing emotions may increase your chances of premature death by as much as 30 percent. 

How Do You Release Emotional Pain?

Nobody enjoys feeling sad, angry, ashamed, or humiliated. Still, not acknowledging these feelings and lying to yourself will get you nowhere, and can actually make things much worse. Here’s how you can start dealing with your emotions and working on a healthier, less stressful life: 

• Unleash emotion through movement. Physical activity, even just a tiny bit of it, can help you feel better and release your blocked emotions. Jump, run, dance, or exercise – it will help you both physically and emotionally. 
• Stay with your feelings. Give yourself time to feel your anger, sadness, or guilt. Sit with your emotion, analyze it, and try to accept it. You can try listening to music, discussing your emotions out loud, or just letting yourself cry it out. 
• Understand why you feel the way you do. Ask yourself: Why do I feel this way? What am I reacting to? Understanding the cause of your unpleasant emotions can help you accept and integrate them. 
• Write down your thoughts and feelings. Journaling is another great way to better understand and more easily accept emotions. Once you start putting them down on paper, you might feel silly at first, but your emotions will most likely start pouring out eventually. 
• Seek professional help. While you can achieve great results by working on your emotions on your own, seeking professional advice and insight can further improve your ability to integrate negative emotions and use them to power positive change.  

Find Release Through Expert Relationship Intimacy Coaching

If you struggle to let out your emotions and maintain strong relationships, know that you can facilitate positive behavioral change with the right kind of help. At PIVOT, we strive to help individuals and couples understand and integrate their emotions and find relief from emotional pain. Whether you choose to try our transformative emotional coaching for individuals or attend one of our deeply insightful relationship workshops, rest assured that our PIVOT Coaches will give you the tools and resources you need to heal your emotional wounds. Contact us today.

We all seek love and harmony in our relationships. By many accounts, we often hear that anger doesn’t have a place in a happy, balanced relationship. This is quite a bit off the mark, as anger is an inevitable part of life, particularly when two individuals live together, seeing each other every single day. 

Contrary to a common misconception, anger is not necessarily a negative emotion. In fact, feeling angry is a natural reaction to perceived unfairness, an insult, frustration, and aggression. Unfortunately, anger has been linked with aggression, and that is why so many people perceive it as a necessarily negative thing. 

Still, regardless of the nature of anger, the problem arises when we are unable to understand and deal with our anger and stop it from affecting your relationships. In such cases, speaking with a relationship coach can be of immense benefit in helping you integrate unpleasant emotions and minimize anger outbursts. 

Keep reading to learn more about anger and what you can do to release it in a healthy way. 

Why Am I So Angry In Relationships?

There’s a myriad of possible reasons why you might feel angry in your relationship. For one, you may think that your partner criticizes you too much, or they may be overly jealous and insecure. Or you may have your own bottled up emotions that might bubble up to the surface in the form of anger outbursts. It is also possible that you and your partner may be stuck in an anger cycle, where your own anger and destructive behavior drive your partner’s daily anger and frustration, and vice versa. 

How Does Anger Affect Your Relationships?

Uncontrolled and untreated anger can have a largely negative impact on your personal relationships. Here are some ways in which unmanaged anger can put a strain on your relationship: 

Breeds Fear And Distrust 

If you constantly lash out at your partner in anger, it is entirely likely that they will start to fear your reactions. Instead of being able to confide in you and calmly discuss problems, they may start to avoid conflicts altogether for fear of causing an angry outburst. 

Causes Frustration And Tension

Anger can also lead you to jump to conclusions, cast blame, or even insult your partner. Even if your partner is well aware that you don’t mean everything you say when you’re angry, they’ll most likely feel tense around you and feel frustrated with your short temper. 

Creates Resentment And Bitterness 

Instead of lashing out, you may have a tendency to bottle your anger up, which is no less damaging to your relationship. This causes feelings of bitterness and resentment both for you and your partner, as you may simmer with anger but avoid conflicts, deepening the distance between the two of you. 

What Are The Three Types Of Anger?

Not everybody expresses anger in the same way. Understanding the different kinds of anger can help you understand your own and possibly find ways to healthily resolve it. Three common types of anger are: 

Passive-Aggressive Anger 

Many people don’t like admitting that they feel angry as it makes them feel weak or they simply wish to avoid confrontation. Instead of showing your anger openly, you may sulk, go silent, or pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. Passive-aggressive anger can simmer beneath the surface, popping out in small bouts of annoyance, bitterness, and even manipulation. 

Hostile Anger

Unlike passive-aggressive anger, hostile or openly aggressive anger means being verbally or physically aggressive when expressing anger and rage. This type of anger often manifests itself though fighting, sarcasm, criticism, shouting, and physical aggression. 

Assertive Anger

The third type of anger is basically a balance between the two. While you shouldn’t avoid conflicts altogether and bottle up your anger, aggressiveness is rarely a good solution either. But expressing anger can also be healthy – if you feel angry but are able to remain calm and clearly and confidently express why you feel that way, you have probably mastered the art of assertive anger. This form of anger also entails patience, a willingness to listen to the other side, not resorting to casting blame, and not raising your voice. 

Is Anger A Form Of Sadness?

While anger is definitely intense and fiery, it is actually a secondary emotion. This means that a primary emotion, such as sadness or fear, can usually be found behind the expressed anger. 

Since most of us aren’t comfortable with sadness and fear, as it makes us feel out of control and vulnerable, we have to find a suitable coping mechanism. Anger is a particularly effective way of coping with these primary feelings as it helps us create a semblance of control and give us an energy boost. Essentially, anger is a tool for creating a feeling of power and control when we feel particularly vulnerable.  

How Do You Release Anger And Sadness?

There are healthy ways to release your anger and the sadness or fear that underpin it. Try: 

• Awakening your anger. The first step you can take is to get your anger bubbling and percolating inside of you. Once you get stirring, try focusing on your breath. Being mindful of your anger will keep you in the moment, enabling you to experience the emotions and sensations in full power. 
• Writing it out. Writing and journaling are an incredibly effective way to release emotional energy and get the emotions moving. Make it a habit to spend a bit of time each day writing down your angry thoughts without judgment. 
• Connecting with others. Naturally, it can be humiliating to talk to other people about your angry outbursts and feelings. Still, some of them may have had similar experiences to yours and might be able to offer useful insight. 
• Making sense of your anger. If you’re unaware of the reason behind your anger, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to get it out of your system in a healthy way. Try to determine the core wound that triggers your angry feelings and make sense of it. 
• Shaking it off. Physical movement and exercise are a powerful tool for getting some of that anger out. Whether you decide to throw rocks, take up boxing, or simply shake your limbs, the physical release you feel will help you release emotions as well. 

Visit A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals & Integrate Your Anger 

Are you ready to let your guard down and embrace the sadness and fear that underpin your anger? At PIVOT, we offer professional and compassionate assistance to individuals and couples in the forms of a wide range of transformative relationship workshops and coaching sessions. Contact us today and start your journey to a more balanced emotional life.

We all seek love and harmony in our relationships. By many accounts, we often hear that anger doesn’t have a place in a happy, balanced relationship. This is quite a bit off the mark, as anger is an inevitable part of life, particularly when two individuals live together, seeing each other every single day. 

Contrary to a common misconception, anger is not necessarily a negative emotion. In fact, feeling angry is a natural reaction to perceived unfairness, an insult, frustration, and aggression. Unfortunately, anger has been linked with aggression, and that is why so many people perceive it as a necessarily negative thing. 

Still, regardless of the nature of anger, the problem arises when we are unable to understand and deal with our anger and stop it from affecting your relationships. In such cases, speaking with a relationship coach can be of immense benefit in helping you integrate unpleasant emotions and minimize anger outbursts. 

Keep reading to learn more about anger and what you can do to release it in a healthy way. 

Why Am I So Angry In Relationships?

There’s a myriad of possible reasons why you might feel angry in your relationship. For one, you may think that your partner criticizes you too much, or they may be overly jealous and insecure. Or you may have your own bottled up emotions that might bubble up to the surface in the form of anger outbursts. It is also possible that you and your partner may be stuck in an anger cycle, where your own anger and destructive behavior drive your partner’s daily anger and frustration, and vice versa. 

How Does Anger Affect Your Relationships?

Uncontrolled and untreated anger can have a largely negative impact on your personal relationships. Here are some ways in which unmanaged anger can put a strain on your relationship: 

Breeds Fear And Distrust 

If you constantly lash out at your partner in anger, it is entirely likely that they will start to fear your reactions. Instead of being able to confide in you and calmly discuss problems, they may start to avoid conflicts altogether for fear of causing an angry outburst. 

Causes Frustration And Tension

Anger can also lead you to jump to conclusions, cast blame, or even insult your partner. Even if your partner is well aware that you don’t mean everything you say when you’re angry, they’ll most likely feel tense around you and feel frustrated with your short temper. 

Creates Resentment And Bitterness 

Instead of lashing out, you may have a tendency to bottle your anger up, which is no less damaging to your relationship. This causes feelings of bitterness and resentment both for you and your partner, as you may simmer with anger but avoid conflicts, deepening the distance between the two of you. 

What Are The Three Types Of Anger?

Not everybody expresses anger in the same way. Understanding the different kinds of anger can help you understand your own and possibly find ways to healthily resolve it. Three common types of anger are: 

Passive-Aggressive Anger 

Many people don’t like admitting that they feel angry as it makes them feel weak or they simply wish to avoid confrontation. Instead of showing your anger openly, you may sulk, go silent, or pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. Passive-aggressive anger can simmer beneath the surface, popping out in small bouts of annoyance, bitterness, and even manipulation. 

Hostile Anger

Unlike passive-aggressive anger, hostile or openly aggressive anger means being verbally or physically aggressive when expressing anger and rage. This type of anger often manifests itself though fighting, sarcasm, criticism, shouting, and physical aggression. 

Assertive Anger

The third type of anger is basically a balance between the two. While you shouldn’t avoid conflicts altogether and bottle up your anger, aggressiveness is rarely a good solution either. But expressing anger can also be healthy – if you feel angry but are able to remain calm and clearly and confidently express why you feel that way, you have probably mastered the art of assertive anger. This form of anger also entails patience, a willingness to listen to the other side, not resorting to casting blame, and not raising your voice. 

Is Anger A Form Of Sadness?

While anger is definitely intense and fiery, it is actually a secondary emotion. This means that a primary emotion, such as sadness or fear, can usually be found behind the expressed anger. 

Since most of us aren’t comfortable with sadness and fear, as it makes us feel out of control and vulnerable, we have to find a suitable coping mechanism. Anger is a particularly effective way of coping with these primary feelings as it helps us create a semblance of control and give us an energy boost. Essentially, anger is a tool for creating a feeling of power and control when we feel particularly vulnerable.  

How Do You Release Anger And Sadness?

There are healthy ways to release your anger and the sadness or fear that underpin it. Try: 

• Awakening your anger. The first step you can take is to get your anger bubbling and percolating inside of you. Once you get stirring, try focusing on your breath. Being mindful of your anger will keep you in the moment, enabling you to experience the emotions and sensations in full power. 
• Writing it out. Writing and journaling are an incredibly effective way to release emotional energy and get the emotions moving. Make it a habit to spend a bit of time each day writing down your angry thoughts without judgment. 
• Connecting with others. Naturally, it can be humiliating to talk to other people about your angry outbursts and feelings. Still, some of them may have had similar experiences to yours and might be able to offer useful insight. 
• Making sense of your anger. If you’re unaware of the reason behind your anger, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to get it out of your system in a healthy way. Try to determine the core wound that triggers your angry feelings and make sense of it. 
• Shaking it off. Physical movement and exercise are a powerful tool for getting some of that anger out. Whether you decide to throw rocks, take up boxing, or simply shake your limbs, the physical release you feel will help you release emotions as well. 

Visit A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals & Integrate Your Anger 

Are you ready to let your guard down and embrace the sadness and fear that underpin your anger? At PIVOT, we offer professional and compassionate assistance to individuals and couples in the forms of a wide range of transformative relationship workshops and coaching sessions. Contact us today and start your journey to a more balanced emotional life.

Most people look for life-long partners or at least a committed relationship. But what determines our choice of partners? Why do some individuals attract us more than others? Psychologists and behavioral researchers have long been trying to find an answer to these questions, and it’s safe to say that they’ve come up with a number of valid observations.  

Finding a compatible partner can be an easy task for some, and a nightmare to others. If you are having a hard time establishing lasting relationships, reaching out to a relationship coach online can be of great help in understanding the laws of attraction. In the meantime, keep on reading to learn which factors determine our relationship choices. 

How Do Humans Choose Their Partners?

There are two main perspectives when it comes to the way we choose our partners – evolutionary theory and social role theory. Here’s what each of these theories proposes. 

What Determines Who We Fall In Love With? 

Within the social, biological, and subjective categories, there are several individual factors that can lead us to choose one partner over another. Some of them are: 

• Compatibility: you may be more attracted to someone if they have similar values, beliefs, and interests to yours, although you might also be attracted to someone with intriguing differences. 
• Familiarity: your chances of falling in love can be increased if you spend quite a bit of time with someone. This may be at work, in school, or other social situations. The more you’re familiar with someone, the more likely you’ll be to fall in love. 
• Reciprocity: it has been shown that we are more likely to be attracted to someone if we feel like they like us back, although attachment issues may cause attraction to emotionally distant individuals. 
• Being alone with someone: your chances of falling in love will be greater if you spend a great deal of time alone with someone, especially if other factors are at play too. 
• Self-esteem: if you struggle with confidence and self-esteem, your standards may be lower than they should be. This can make you more vulnerable to falling in love. 
• Excitement: generally, we tend to be attracted to intriguing, mysterious individuals. If a person excites you with their presence and behaviors, you’ll be more likely to fall for them. 
• Family: our parents and siblings also have a say in our choice of partners, although you may not consciously be aware of their influence. While it’s common that children choose partners who fit their parents’ preferences, some may also rebel against their family’s expectations. 

Is Attraction A Choice?

While you might fall in love with someone based on unconscious subjective, social, or evolutionary factors, that is not to say that love is not a choice, although initial attraction may not be. 

Let’s say you feel a strong attraction to someone and enter a relationship with them. The initial infatuation may last for a couple of months, or maybe years. But once it fades, you will need to make a conscious decision to stay in the relationship and make it work. At the end of the day, love is both a feeling and a choice. 

We like to say that love is a verb. How you act and express yourself to another person can be loving – or it can be hurtful.  Being “in love” with someone will require a level of respect for one another. How you treat your partner – the one you say you are in love with – matters. 

Does Our Relationship With Our Parents Affect Our Relationship Choices? 

The relationship you have with your parents or primary caregivers can have a significant impact on your love life. Here are some ways in which your parents influence your relationship choices: 

• Being raised by abusive caregivers can make you more willing to accept emotional abuse in your adulthood. For instance, if your parents fought in front of you while you were young, you’ll be more likely to follow suit. 
• The relationship with your parents can influence your relationship with intimacy. If your parents or caregivers were affectionate with you and with each other, you’ll be less likely to be emotionless and distant in your relationships. 
• Your childhood can also have an impact on how trusting you are in relationships. Inheriting deeply rooted trust issues from your parents can make finding a suitable partner or keeping one more challenging for you. 
• Your craving for independence is also directly linked to your relationship with your caregivers. If your parents love each other but understand that time apart also matters, you’ll be more likely to seek out partners who value the same things. 

Visit Our Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop & Find Balance In Love

Are you tired of failed relationships and being let down in love? No matter what the reason for your relationship struggles may be, speaking to professionals can help you heal your core wounds and transform your love life. 

PIVOT is here to help you navigate the dating world with confidence. You can find deep and meaningful insights in our individual coaching sessions, as well as our evidence and expertise-based relationship workshops. Reach out to a PIVOT Advocate today!