What If There Is No Emotional Support In A Relationship?

Establishing a deep, meaningful relationship with your partner, as well as other important people in your life, is what contributes to your mental health and well-being. In a healthy relationship, you’re able to connect with the other person, understand them on a deeper level, and both give and receive emotional support. 

In fact, emotional support is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship. It not only brings partners closer together, but also gives them the strength to overcome numerous challenges in their relationship and life in general.

This is why the lack of emotional support can be detrimental to both a relationship and a person’s mental health. Whether due to emotional intimacy issues and emotional distance in a relationship or feeling that you’re in an unequal relationship, some individuals may find it difficult to open up emotionally and provide their partners with the emotional support they need. 

What Is Emotional Support In A Relationship?

How Important Is Emotional Support In A Relationship

What does emotional support actually entail in a relationship? Is it simply encouraging someone to go after their personal goals or listening to them? While these are important aspects of emotional support, it also entails the feelings of compassion, empathy, encouragement, acceptance, and concern for your partner. 

In meaningful relationships, emotional support is offered from both individuals and brings them closer to each other. It also helps you establish a foundation for your future together. Additionally, the practice of offering emotional support provides a foundation for being able to resolve conflict kindly, see your partner from a place of reality, and attach securely to one another.

How Important Is Emotional Support In A Relationship?

Giving and receiving emotional support benefits both your relationship and you individually. 

  • It deepens your relationship. Being in a supportive relationship brings you closer to your partner and helps you establish a deeper level of intimacy and trust. Knowing that you can rely on your partner and give each other support and compassion will also help you overcome challenges in your relationship in a healthy way. 
  • It contributes to your mental health. Having emotional support from the people who matter to you the most means that you feel loved, cared for, and accepted for who you are. On the other hand, it’s not uncommon for people who lack emotional support to feel undeserving of love, believing that they are the reason behind this, which further reflects on their self-esteem. 
  • It helps you overcome serious problems. As an important aspect of mental health, emotional support plays a crucial role in overcoming serious problems in life. Having a partner and family members who support you can help you deal with immense grief in your life or be an effective way to relieve stress and anxiety
  • It helps you achieve your personal goals. Emotional support can also encourage you to go after your personal goals and work on yourself. If you lack emotional support, you can also lack confidence and determination to go after what you want and need. An emotionally supportive partner will believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself. 

Since emotional support has such a great impact on relationships and personal growth, its lack can sabotage your every attempt to get closer to your partner. This is why many individuals decide to work on this issue through emotional support and emotional intimacy coaching where they identify the underlying problems and take steps to resolve them. 

How Do You Show Support In A Relationship?

If you believe that you haven’t been supportive enough in your relationship, you can take actual steps to change this. There are numerous ways to provide someone with emotional support, but the most important thing is to recognize the problem and work actively toward changing the negative patterns that have been sabotaging your relationship. 

Fortunately, expressing emotional support is an ability that you can grow into, especially if you believe that you have been the withholding one. 

How to emotionally support someone

How you express emotional support to your partner may greatly depend on the nature of your relationship and your personality. However, there are some common ways you can emotionally support your partner and show them that you are there for them. 

As for some specific steps you can take, here are a few suggestions that can help you deepen your relationship and enrich it with mutual feelings of emotional support. 

  1. Be more empathetic

    Empathy is a crucial part of emotional support. It allows you to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand their point of view. By nurturing empathy toward your partner, you will not only provide them with emotional support, but also understand them better and make your relationship stronger. 

  2. Listen to them.

    Sometimes what people need the most is to be listened to, especially at a time of emotional distress. It’s important that you learn how to listen to your partner without any judgment or criticism. You should listen just for the sake of listening and not waiting for your turn to talk. 

  3. Pay attention to your partner

    If you want to emotionally support your partner, you need to give them your undivided attention. This means putting everything else on hold, turning off your phone, and minimizing all possible distractions.

  4. Express your love and appreciation

    Saying “I love you” or making even small gestures of kindness regularly can really make your partner feel valued and supported. It’s important that you’re always loving and caring and not just when you feel that your partner might need it.

  5. Acknowledge their feelings

    Don’t try to explain to your partner why they feel the way they feel or diminish their feelings. Show that you understand them even if you don’t agree with them.

  6. Maintain physical intimacy

    Holding your partner’s hand or giving them a hug is a simple, yet effective way to strengthen and deepen your relationship.

How Do You Overcome Lack Of Support?

However, what if you’re on the receiving end? That is, what if you’re the one not receiving emotional support from your partner? While this can be highly discouraging and have a negative effect on your mental well-being, there are a few ways you can deal with this and overcome possible challenges it presents. 

  • Practice self-love and self-appreciation. If you feel that you’re too dependent on what your partner or other people in your life think of you and if you need their “approval” to do something, you should try to work on your self-esteem. Practicing self-love will help you become self-sufficient and don’t let the lack of support from others prevent your growth. 
  • Determine whether you’re with the right person. If you believe that your partner doesn’t support or value you, they may not be the right person for you. While leaving them behind may sound difficult, it may be a better option than being in a distant, withholding relationship. 
  • Try to understand your partner. If you believe that your partner doesn’t provide you with emotional support, try to determine why. Perhaps they feel insecure, afraid to open up emotionally, or hesitant because you’ve just started your relationship. Also, your partner may not have had emotional support in their life, so they don’t know how to give it. 
  • Seek professional help. If you and your partner want to overcome relationship challenges, you should consider signing up for emotional support and intimacy coaching where you will be able to address your problems and work actively on resolving them. 

Overcome Emotional Intimacy & Support Issues With PIVOT

How Do You Overcome Lack Of Support

Enrich your relationship by learning how to give and receive emotional support through the PIVOT process. Our Advocates can provide you with personalized individuals coaching guidance that will help you deal with personal issues that may be hindering your relationship. We also enable you and your partner to work together on your emotional issues by joining intensive couples’ workshops where you can make a quick, yet long-term change. Start making progress today!

What If I Love My Partner More Than They Love Me?

When you and your partner first started dating, the feelings of infatuation and excitement were so intense that even the least perceptive onlookers could testify with absolute certainty that love was in the air. But now that the honeymoon phase is over and the thrill of the new is gone, you aren’t so confident about the future of your relationship or your partner’s feelings toward you. 

The fear could be so overwhelming that you cannot even bring yourself to communicate these doubts and voice your concerns to your partner. Discussing the intimacy problems in your relationship openly would mean having to validate their existence, and that is a challenge in and of itself.

Yet the question keeps preying on your mind: does your partner love you as much as you love them? In other words: do you love your partner more than they love you? And if so, what do you do about it?

What Is An Unequal Relationship?

How Do You Know Who Loves More In A Relationship

Deep down, you can’t shake off the uneasy feeling that you are trying too hard and that they are just not that into you. Every now and then, the thought that they might not care about you as much as you care about them runs through your mind. And what if someone new comes along and they realize the things between you are not working out? The thought that your partner might decide to break up with you fills your heart with dread. 

If you feel this way but cannot pluck up the courage to talk to your partner about it, you might  want to consider a codependency intensive or a related relationship course which you can attend in privacy and from the comfort of your home. 

But first things first: what is an unequal relationship and are you in one?

An unequal relationship is one in which one partner gives more than the other one. In other words, the relationship lacks balance and equality between partners. One partner’s thoughts, feelings and needs are more important than the other one’s. They are the so-called power member.

Unequal Relationship: The Red Flags

Many of us have made the mistake of pursuing romantic interests who are unavailable at one point or another. If and when this pursuit develops into a relationship, it may be an unequal one in which one partner is taking advantage of the other, while the other partner may or may not realize it.

But what are the red flags? Any signs that signal a power and control imbalance, such as if one partner:

  • calls all the shots
  • refuses to compromise
  • doesn’t consider the wants and needs of the other person
  • has the last word

Another common sign of an unequal relationship is if one partner is expected to pay for everything in order to earn the other partner’s affection.

As we grow older, we become more mature and more aware of our choices. What we may not realize is that we can easily fall into the trap of getting involved in an unequal relationship at any point in life. Is it the end of the world? No. Is an unequal relationship healthy? No. 

But is it worth staying in and can it be fixed? It depends, but it definitely takes a lot of work. You and your partner need to be willing to learn to communicate with each other and develop a mutual understanding so that you can both be free to be who you are and grow together.

How Do You Know Who Loves More In A Relationship?

Before listing the signs that may indicate you are giving your partner more than they are giving you, let us highlight the fact that not everyone shows affection in the same way. Each person is unique and so is the way they express their feelings. Some people may appear cold and distant because they have a different way of showing how they feel but does not mean that they love you any less than you love them.

Signs That You Are Giving More Than You Are Receiving

The following may indicate that you are in an unequal relationship and that you care more about your partner than they care about you:

  1. Imbalance in the way love is expressed

    From verbal expressions of love to expressions of physical intimacy, from kind gestures and tokens of appreciation to compliments, you may be giving more than you are receiving. More often than not, you may be completely unaware of the imbalance and lack of reciprocity. Worse yet, you may choose not to notice it.

  2. Making plans and decisions without you in mind

    While you would never reach a decision or make plans concerning the future without including your partner in the process, they hardly ever think to go to you for advice or remember to include you in their own plans and decisions.

  3. Lack of interest in your personal life

    If you truly love somebody, you want to know everything about them, including their fears, worries and secrets. However, if your partner does not show interest in your personal life, it could mean that they just don’t care about you as much as you’d like.

  4. Taking you and your devotion for granted

    If your partner feels that you love them more than they love you, they will find it easy to take your love for granted because they know that you will continue to love them no matter what.
    You put more effort into the relationship: you are always the active one in the relationship and the one who is making most of the effort. You get used to having your partner act in a passive way. 

  5. They seldom spend time with you

    While you try to work your schedule around your partner’s, they seldom think to involve you in their plans. They might prioritize spending quality time with their friends and family instead of spending time with you.

Before you know it, you end up in a vicious cycle, and you might not even notice the pattern. Since you always come up with excuses for their behavior, you give them more and more room to take you for granted.

Is It True That In A Relationship One Person Loves More Than The Other?

The answer is simple and straightforward: not in a healthy relationship.

In romance, like in all other aspects of life, finding balance is a challenge. But it is not impossible. A meaningful relationship that is based on lasting, healthy love is a relationship where both partners love each other profoundly and never take each other for granted. We all deserve a relationship just like that, a relationship in which we feel safe, seen, and heard, not one in which we have to settle for anything less.

Is It OK To Love Someone More Than They Love You?

It can be hurtful and confusing to come to the realization that a person we love might not love us as much. Think long and hard whether this is something you can live with and consult a professional if you are not comfortable talking it over with your partner. 

What matters is that you fully understand that things might never change. At some point, you may become overwhelmed with negative feelings, frustrations and unfulfillment, insecurity and resentment as a result of the imbalance. Do not ignore your gut instinct and your emotions, because they will not go away and may only get worse with time.

Accepting that you love your partner more than they love you may cause you to lose your self-worth and may even lead to depression. You deserve better and more, someone to give you emotional support and stay by your side no matter what.

Where To Go From Here? Let Us Shed Light On That.

Is It OK To Love Someone More Than They Love You

If you are uncertain about the future of your relationship and need an unbiased professional with experience in emotional intimacy coaching to talk to on a deep and meaningful level, our individual coaching online sessions may be just what you need. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to work on your relationship and make it work, we also have online intensive workshops designed specifically for couples. Through our series of carefully planned-out online relationship courses, we can help you find a way to a more fulfilling life and a more fulfilling romance.

Coping With An Emotionally Distant Partner

Do you feel like your partner is pulling away from you? Do they seem emotionally distant and you can’t tell why? Do they seem less interested in spending time with you than they used to be? You are not alone. 

Unfortunately, emotional withdrawal and unavailability are common in relationships. The signs may start to show up slowly and intensify over time if ignored. Building intimacy in a relationship is hard, to begin with, but when the emotional gap becomes too wide, both you and your partner may start to feel isolated, lost, and confused. 

Keep reading to learn why people become emotionally distant and what you can do about it. 

Why Is My Partner Distant?

Emotional drifting can occur for numerous reasons. While it’s easy to believe that only one side of the relationship is to blame, it’s important to understand that nurturing a healthy bond takes two, and both you and your partner may have contributed to the intimacy issues. 

Causes Of Emotional Distancing

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Unavailability

Some common reasons why couples experience emotional distancing are: 

  • Your partner needs some time alone. When you’re in a relationship, it can be difficult to find an opportunity to spend some quality time on your own, especially if you have children. If you notice your partner is spending more time on their phone or playing video games, they may be craving some time off.
  • They are under a great deal of stress. Emotional withdrawal is a common mechanism for coping with stress. Your partner may be experiencing some turmoil in their personal or professional life which may be causing them to pull away from you. Try talking to them about the levels of stress in their life. 
  • They may not feel the same way anymore. If you’ve been together for a while and haven’t really worked on deepening intimacy, it’s possible that your partner has mixed feelings about the relationship. Have a serious conversation about it, but give your partner some time to prepare. 
  • You’ve entered a pursuer-distancer cycle. Your partner may consider you to be too needy and may withdraw because of it, which causes you to feel even more worried and abandoned, and in turn needier. If that’s the case, you can try to pull back for a while and see if anything changes. If you can’t pull back – it may be a sign that you have some attachment challenges that need to be addressed.
  • You’ve entered a criticism-withdrawal cycle. This relationship dynamic develops when one partner in a relationship becomes highly critical of the other, constantly making them feel inadequate. The criticized partner then withdraws further and creates a deeper gap. If you’ve been harsh with your partner, try to be more gentle and see how it goes. 

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Unavailability?

Some individuals are naturally better at expressing their emotions and thoughts outwardly. While you may feel like you wear your heart on your sleeve, your partner may not be as comfortable with showing their feelings. If you feel like your partner is distant, look for these telltale signs of emotional unavailability: 

  • They can’t describe their emotions;
  • They struggle with showing affection; 
  • They aren’t comfortable talking about your emotional issues; 
  • They don’t give you emotional support
  • They become defensive when you bring up issues in your relationship; 
  • They invalidate your feelings; 
  • They are often too busy to spend quality time with you. 
  • The relationship feels one-sided

The first step towards bridging an emotional gap in your relationship is recognizing that there is a problem. If you are struggling to build a healthy relationship with your partner, consider reaching out to a professional relationship coach. With expert help, you will better understand the root causes of your relationship issues and discover ways to work together with your partner to change your relationship for the better. 

What Does Stonewalling Someone Mean?

Does your partner avoid any sort of discussion or cooperation when it comes to resolving emotional issues? They may be resorting to a defense-mechanism called stonewalling. A person who stonewalls will withdraw when you bring up a problem, dismissing your words and invalidating your feelings. They may say something like “you’re being unreasonable” or “you’re blowing things way out of proportion”, etc. 

You may encounter stonewalling whether you’re trying to address a concern in private or with a relationship coach. If your partner relies on deflection to render any discussion irrelevant or insignificant, it can be difficult to come at any kind of solution which can make you feel frustrated, unheard, and confused. 

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Distant Partner?

If you’re struggling to maintain a healthy relationship based on trust and emotional support because it is difficult for one or both of you to open up and work out the issues, don’t feel lost. Many individuals drift apart over time, but that doesn’t mean that things can’t change. Sometimes, a shift in the way you talk to your partner may make a world of difference. Try the following tips: 

  1. Accept differences

    Your partner may simply be more private than you by nature. That doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, but only that your communication styles are different.

  2. Don’t demand connection

    It’s unlikely that you’ll get your partner to change their ways if you constantly try and force them to open up. Instead, try to take their need for privacy less personally and let them communicate at their own pace.

  3. Give them some space

    Similarly, your partner may be more willing to share their thoughts with you if they don’t feel suffocated in the relationship. Try to pull away for a bit and see if anything changes.

  4. Try not to criticize

    If you make your partner feel inadequate by constantly pointing out their flaws and mistakes, they will only withdraw further. Approach your discussions calmly, without resentment and bitterness, and be open to your partner’s feedback. 

  5. Focus on your own goals

    Your relationship doesn’t always have to be the focus of your attention. You have your own life to live and goals to reach. If you spend more time working on yourself instead of trying to fix your relationship, both you and your partner will start to feel more at ease.

Find Peace And Happiness With #1 Relationship Intimacy Coaching

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Distant Partner

Feeling unheard and invalidated in your relationship can cause you a great deal of stress and anxiety. The good news is, you can find joy in your relationship, no matter how alone you may feel. With help from our PIVOT coaches, you can reach emotional balance and nurture a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner. 

At PIVOT, we provide expert assistance to individuals and couples via carefully devised workshops and relationship-building retreats. We are here to help you find fulfillment and happiness in your relationships. Give us a call! 

Signs You’re Emotionally Numb And What That Means

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being emotionally numb? Maybe it’s happened during a very stressful event or during an argument with your partner.

For most people, this feels like a disconnection from your body and the outside world. Building intimacy in a relationship is hard as it is, but it’s even more difficult for individuals who experience emotional numbness. 

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Detached?

Confused Woman - Emotional Intimacy Coaching

Emotional numbness or detachment is a complex and at times very persistent feeling that isn’t always voluntary. For many individuals, it comes as a result of past events that make them disconnect from their emotions.

There are situations when emotional numbness can be helpful. For example, being emotionally detached can save you from unnecessary pain if you use it to set boundaries with certain people or groups who demand a lot of your emotional attention or energy.

However, emotional numbness can also be harmful if you can’t control it, especially when it comes to building healthy relationships. 

How Do I Know If I’m Emotionally Numb?

It’s not always easy to differentiate detachment from other emotional states. Here are the signs that you may have emotional numbness. 

Signs Of Emotional Numbness

The common signs of emotional numbness include:

  • difficulty creating or maintaining personal relationships;
  • a lack of attention, or appearing preoccupied around others;
  • difficulty being loving or feeling affectionate with a family member;
  • avoiding people, activities, or places because they’re associated with a past trauma or event;
  • unable to express emotion;
  • difficulty empathizing with other people’s feelings;
  • feeling like a stranger or outsider in your own life;
  • feeling dead or empty;
  • feeling meaningless, worthless, or hopeless;
  • feeling as though you are sleepwalking through life;
  • feeling a loss of control;
  • feeling disconnected from your memories;
  • feeling emotionally and physically tired regardless of how much sleep you’ve had;
  • not being able to enjoy activities or hobbies.

What Causes Emotional Detachment?

Emotional numbness is usually a side effect of an insecure attachment to one’s caregivers in childhood. People who have been neglected or abused may develop this as a coping mechanism. 

For example, people who were neglected by their parents in childhood may binge on food in adulthood as a survival pattern to numb their feelings

Just as an alcoholic drinks alcohol to feel numb, a person with an unhealthy eating pattern eats food to binge, which causes isolation. This leads to self-neglect and repeats the childhood pattern of not being seen or being neglected.

How To Overcome Emotional Numbness

In most cases, the emotional numbness goes away with self-care, emotional support, and time. The first step is to address the underlying stress, trauma, or grief with a professional and make lifestyle changes to help lessen and resolve the symptoms of numbness. Some useful coping strategies to overcome emotional numbness include:

  1. Reduce stress;

  2. Exercise;

  3. Eat a healthy diet;

  4. Get enough sleep;

  5. Identify the causes and triggers and either avoid them or work with a professional to overcome them;

  6. Discuss feelings with people you trust and reach out for help;

  7. Try to be busy or distract yourself with something that gives you purpose and meaning;

  8. Talk through your feelings with a relationship coach.

Our Emotional Intimacy Coaching Can Help You Find Happiness 

Depressed Girl - Emotional Intimacy Coaching

If you recognize any of the signs above, then just know that you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with feeling emotionally numb. The good news is that you can be healed and experience self-acceptance so that you can have a healthy relationship with yourself and others. 

We recommend that you seek support from our online PIVOT Advocates to help you explore childhood issues and focus on healing your wounds with self-love and self-acceptance. Remember, you are worthy of love, happiness, and a healthy relationship. 

If you are ready to create meaningful connections with people and overcome feeling emotional numbness, then contact PIVOT. Our carefully designed individual coaching and insightful couples relationship building workshops can bring you the peace and happiness you seek. Contact us today! 

Vulnerability & Dating: How To Let Your Guard Down

Many people seem to believe that vulnerability is a weakness, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unless you are willing to open up and show your vulnerable side to a potential partner, you can’t expect to build a meaningful and lasting relationship with them. 

Dating with trust issues that cause you to put up walls is hard. Without vulnerability and trust, a relationship is unlikely to move past the initial stages without substantial effort from both parties. And if it does, it’s possible that the lack of intimacy would lead to more serious relationship issues such as infidelity and betrayal

Unless you want to perpetuate the vicious cycle of trust issues and failed relationships, you should learn how to be vulnerable in the dating phase. Read on! 

How Can I Be Vulnerable When Dating?

Couple Chatting Dating With Trust Issues

If you have built walls so high that nobody can see the real you anymore, it’s only natural that you’d experience some trouble while dating. Know this – eventually, what you are too ashamed to reveal- will come out into the open over time if the relationship begins to progress. 

It is not good to disclose everything on the first two dates however, not revealing certain aspects or not telling the truth because of shame can result in being dumped – causing more pain. Fortunately, you can learn how to be more vulnerable if you are willing to put in the effort. Here are some steps you can take: 

Trust Your Instincts 

While it may seem counterintuitive, relying on your gut when navigating the dating world can actually save you from unnecessary pain. If your instincts tell you that you shouldn’t trust a person as soon as you meet them, take it seriously. Being vulnerable isn’t the same as being naive. 

Don’t Fake It

Don’t put up a fake front and present yourself as someone you’re not. Your potential partner should fall for you as you are, not for the ideal that you created just to impress them. Sure, dressing up putting makeup on for a partner is perfectly normal, but changing yourself completely just to attract a partner is never a good idea.

Practice Honesty 

Honesty is a must if you want to build healthy relationships. Try to be straightforward about your needs and speak your mind if you feel mistreated in a relationship. Learning how to create healthier boundaries and express yourself without shame is key if you wish to find success while dating. 

Don’t Play Games 

Games are just another strategy we employ to avoid pain and disappointment. By never showing just how much we are interested in another person, we are only making things more difficult for both parties. Instead, try to be authentic and make your intentions known right from the start. 

Take One Step At A Time 

Some people find dating much easier than others. If you belong to the first group, know that you can’t learn to be vulnerable overnight. Be patient and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t manage to open up straight away. Try to remember that all significant and lasting transformations take time.   

How Do You Let Your Guard Down When Dating?

If you’re still healing from past hurts, learning how to be vulnerable and trust again is bound to take time. While letting your guard down won’t be easy if your wounds are deep, remember that you deserve to have a healthy and happy relationship and that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. 

Ways To Let Your Guard Down 

Letting your guard down will be easier if you follow some of these steps: 

  • Communicate your needs openly. Letting a potential partner know what you are looking for in a relationship will prevent unnecessary disappointment. Being honest about what you want is the only way to get it. 
  • Talk about your values and passions. Don’t be afraid to share your interests and passions with your date. They will be more likely to fall for you and appreciate you for who you are if they can see the passionate and quirky side of you. 
  • Try revealing your fears. Similarly, you should strive to show the darker, more vulnerable parts of yourself if you want potential partners to get to know you properly. If a potential partner doesn’t appreciate this, they may not be the right person for you. 
  • Be a good listener. Just as they should be willing to listen to you, you should make an effort to be attentive to what your date has to say about themselves. If you do so, they will feel more comfortable around you and it will be easier for you to trust them. 
  • Love yourself first. You can’t expect to build a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself. Practice self care and work on healing your past wounds before you commit to anybody else.  
  • Accept and validate your emotions. There’s no shame in feeling weak, jealous, or insecure. Healing is not an easy task, so make sure that you’re not too hard on yourself and accept the fact that getting better will take time. 
  • Learn to let the past go. Letting go of past trauma is a must if you want to create meaningful connections. Do what you can to make peace with the past and try to find ways to learn from your previous mistakes or misfortunes. 

Is Dating Harder In Your 30s?

Dating in your thirties brings its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Here’s why dating in your thirties can be both a blessing and a curse:  

You Know Exactly Who You Are  

When you’re in your thirties, you are much more certain about who you are and what you’re looking for in your relationships. On one hand, this can make finding an ideal partner easier since you have a better chance of recognizing compatibility and potential in another person. On the other hand, however, you will be much less willing to change and compromise if things don’t go your way. 

You Are More Serious About Dating 

If you have your career and social life figured out, it’s hard to find the time to play games. When dating someone in your thirties, you want to be certain that the relationship is not wasting your time. This makes you more likely to let unpromising relationships go much faster than you would in your twenties. 

You Have To Deal With Lots of Pressure 

If you are a woman in your thirties, you’ve probably heard the phrase “biological clock” at least once from your friends and family. If you are a man, people have surely reminded you that all desirable ladies are already married. Such comments can be extremely frustrating and learning how to ignore them is not exactly easy. 

Learn How To Let Go Of Fear At Our Dating Problems Workshop

Couple Coffee Shop Dating Problems Workshop

At PIVOT, we believe that every individual deserves meaningful and healthy relationships. Our knowledgeable PIVOT coaches can provide guidance every step of the way, from navigating the infatuation phase of dating to creating a deep connection with a partner. 

We offer carefully devised relationship solutions for individuals and couples, as well as a range of intensive dating workshops in your home or at the Glass House, our residential facility where you can learn to facilitate lasting change. Give us a call!  

Why And How Do We Fall In Love?

Falling in love can be a breeze to some people and seemingly next to impossible for others. This is because all the overwhelming feelings we have when we start falling in love can make us irrational and confused. But why do we fall in love? Are there any rules on how and why we fall for certain people? 

If you are struggling with navigating the dating world, understanding why you become attracted to certain individuals can be of immense benefit. At our relationship coaching retreat for singles, we can help you explore your dating patterns, learn how to let your guard down, and build stronger and happier relationships

Read on to find out why we fall in love and whether we have any choice when the butterflies start to kick in.  

Why Do We Fall In Love With Certain People?

If you asked ten people to tell you why they fall in love, it’s very likely that you’d get ten different answers. This is because most of us don’t really know what makes us feel a certain way towards a person, but we’d still try to give specific answers usually related to physical attraction, chemistry, or similar interests.  

Reasons We Fall In Love 

Indeed, all of these factors may contribute to our attraction to a person. However, psychologically, the process of falling in love is often much more complex than we may think. Here are some more factors that influence the possibility of two people falling in love: 

  1. Reciprocity:

    Have you ever wondered if you liked a certain person only because they seemed to like you? In fact, we do tend to feel a stronger attraction to someone if they are attracted to us.

  2. Propinquity:

    If you spend a lot of time with someone, whether you live close by or work together, you will become more familiar with them. This can increase the probability of you falling in love with this person.

  3. Similarity:

    Common interests, shared beliefs, and similar ways of thinking can greatly influence our interest in another person. However, intriguing differences can also play a role in our attraction.

  4. Social norms:

    We are more likely to fall in love with a person if we believe that they will satisfy social norms and fit in our social network. People typically seek out relationships that will leave a positive impression on their friends and family.

  5. Isolation:

    Being alone with someone for long periods of time can spark passion. This also relates to familiarity, as we tend to feel more comfortable with people we spend more time with.

  6. Self-esteem:

    If you have been single for quite some time, your self-esteem may be decreased and your standards lower. This can make it easier for you to fall in love.

  7. Intrigue:

    If there is an air of mystery surrounding a person, we are likely to feel a stronger attraction towards them. Being left to wonder what another person is thinking and feeling can spark interest and increase the probability of falling in love. 

Do We Choose Who We Fall In Love With?

Before discussing if falling in love is a choice or not, we have to establish one essential difference: loving someone and falling in love are not the same thing.

The Difference Between Infatuation And Love

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While you may fall for a certain person because they are a good match for you based on the above-mentioned factors, you will have to make a conscious decision to commit and work on a relationship. In this sense, we do choose who we love. 

On the other hand, we may not have the same amount of control over who we are attracted to. Romantic love, that is, the picture of love that we typically see in movies and literature is actually a little more than an obsession. Of course, this does not mean that falling in love is not a valid feeling – we all know how powerful, exhilarating, and enjoyable the initial infatuation can be. 

In a nutshell, you can have a crush on someone or be in love without having much of a say in the matter. If the initial attraction is strong enough, you may decide to jump into the relationship and see if it works. Once the infatuation fades, you will have to make a conscious choice to stay in love. 

Can A Player Fall In Love?

Most of us know at least one person who considers themselves a ‘player’. They don’t plan on settling down and pride themselves on having numerous casual relationships. But can such a person change their ways and actually fall in love? 

The short answer would be: yes, it is possible for a ‘player’ to fall in love. More often than not, these individuals put up barriers to protect their sensitive cores from disappointment and hurt. They may be acting this way because they are struggling to forget about an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and, as a result, all their new relationships seem to pale in comparison. 

Signs A Player Will Never Change

However, trying to make a player fall in love with you can do you more harm than good if you’re not careful. Not all people who act this way are sensitive souls who crave an understanding and caring partner. Some of them simply like the excitement of casual relationships and won’t change their ways just because you choose to shower them with love. 

Here’s how you can tell that a person won’t easily change: 

  • They never stop talking about other people they are attracted to. 
  • They make you feel insecure. 
  • They are overly jealous. 
  • They act differently when surrounded by their friends. 
  • They criticize you constantly. 
  • They don’t seem ready to commit. 

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If you struggle to find success in the dating world, don’t despair! With help from seasoned experts for relationship coaching, you can understand your dating patterns and find ways to build deeper and healthier connections with potential partners. 

The purpose of our high-result relationship coaching for individuals as well as our in-depth couples retreats is to help you find dating success by understanding yourself and your relational wounds. Reach out to us today and find out more! 

Can You Save A Relationship After Infidelity?

As much as you want to believe that your relationship can recover after infidelity and that putting time and effort into its recovery will be worth your while, here’s where it gets tricky: infidelity makes things messy and complicated. It leaves the partner who was cheated on with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment and the partner who cheated with the feelings of guilt  – intensified while the other partner is trying to get to a place of forgiveness.

If one of you was unfaithful, yet both of you are now willing to make it work, what can you do to initiate the healing process and rebuild a healthy relationship? If you agree that your relationship is worth saving, can it survive and last? What does the future have in store for your relationship?

Dealing With The Aftermath Of Infidelity

If this is what you and your partner are going through at the moment, you might be having difficulty being in the same room with each other, let alone communicating about what happened. But understanding what led to infidelity could be vital to dealing with its aftermath. Seeing a professional relationship coach or going to a private couple retreat for reconnection can help you get to the bottom of the problem.

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater: Is It True? 

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If you fear that a partner who cheated once will do it again, you’ll have to bite the bullet: yes, it could be true. But it’s far from a universal truth. The damage is done, but if both partners are equally willing to make it work, there is hope yet. This depends mainly on whether partners can regain and rebuild mutual trust and make room for reconnection, understanding and forgiveness. 

Distrust is toxic, destructive and breeds dysfunction. Continuing mistrust toward the partner could doom a relationship that might be worth saving. Whether it was you or your partner who cheated, the situation will be beyond help if there is continued distrust between you over a long period of time.  Initially, there will be distrust – it is to be expected during the time it takes to get the trust back.

Can You Move Past Cheating?

First and foremost: you have to give yourself time, regardless of whether it was you or your partner who cheated. Couples can and do overcome and bounce back after infidelity, sometimes with renewed passion.

But moving past cheating and staying together with a cheating partner is possible if you meet the main criterion: confront and deal with your own unresolved issues. If you continue to harbor resentment toward your partner because they cheated, you can never truly move past it.

To make matters worse, the unresolved anger and resentment could have a detrimental effect on you as a person and render you incapable of truly moving on. Having unresolved issues because you were cheated on can have a lasting impact on your emotional and romantic life. Even if you decide to end the relationship in which you were cheated on, the frustration you have failed to deal with could spill over and have an impact on your new relationship.

Provided that both of you are willing to go all out and capable of mustering the strength to salvage the relationship, can you do it on your own or should you seek professional help and guidance? Together with your partner, you can try a relationship building skills workshop or better yet, a private couple retreat for reconnection. If you think you could use some alone time to try and overcome issues of your own, perhaps you should try working alongside an individual coaching expert beforehand.

How Often Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?

Cheating appears to be common among both men and women, even in what are supposed to be loving, committed relationships. How often is it a deal breaker? The statistics appear grim.

According to some estimates, few couples who have experienced infidelity can rework their relationship and make it last. Almost half of the couples decide to end the relationship immediately after the truth comes out and a third decide to try and make it work but break up eventually. This is primarily because the couple did not get help initially.  

Most people are caught off guard by their partner’s infidelity. Whether because they fail to recognize issues in their relationship or because they trust their partner without reservation, they never see it coming. Whether or not they can overcome and truly recover from infidelity could depend on the circumstances under which infidelity took place:

  • The partner’s willingness to discuss the affair openly,
  • The details of the affair,
  • The level of emotional intimacy between partners.

Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

If attempts at reconciliation and recovery are one-sided, it’s pointless to even try to patch things up. If you and your partners are committed to making it work and bringing the romance back to life, challenging times lie ahead however it can become healthy again. In some cases – relationships can actually become BETTER than ever. 

It’s extremely difficult for a couple to go back to normal and rebuild trust in their relationship after infidelity because trust violation is inevitable. The partner who was cheated on is likely to have major trust issues, and so will the partner who cheated. Keep in mind that people who cheat on a regular basis are often jealous and suspicious of their partners because they project their own negative emotions and desires onto others.

Chances are you both could use some time to think things through and possibly some alone time. You can consider taking a break from your relationship and then start over if you both feel it is the right thing to do. Some couples choose to attend a couple relationship management workshop as part of the healing process.

Steps To Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair

Both partners have to be willing to take action in order to overcome the consequences of the affair:

  1. Step one:

    Mutual commitment to investing time, energy and emotional work into resolution,

  2. Step two:

    Renegotiating the terms of the relationship,

  3. Step three:

    Offering a genuine apology and accepting it,

  4. Step four:

    Open communication between partners so they can both develop a deeper understanding of what caused the affair,

  5. Step five:

    And then, co-create a plan to move forward based on the information that was uncovered and worked through during the healing time.

Bounce Back With Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities!

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Smoothing things over with your partner and rebuilding a strong and healthy relationship is hard work, especially after infidelity or adultery. Regardless of which partner had the affair, you need to join hands and work toward recovery. It’s time to pick up the pieces, and we are here to give you our support and professional guidance through our relationship workshops. 

Some couples find that they can make most progress with individual coaching sessions, and others prefer to take our customized intensive workshops. The PIVOT process could be the answer you have been looking for. Call now!