Category: Articles

Do you dream of spending your days and nights by your partner’s side, cuddling, watching the TV, or preparing delicious meals together? Or do you fear that you’ll sacrifice your precious alone time by moving in with your partner? 

Moving in together has its pros and cons, and each couple may have their own unique expectations regarding the right time to take the step toward cohabitation. Some may choose to move in after a couple of weeks or months, while others may wait until marriage. However, both of these options can lead to problems along the way, and you might seek out private couple retreats for reconnection with your partner far sooner than you thought.

Each relationship has its own pace, and it’s up to you and your partner to decide when to start living together. Keep on reading to find out what to consider before making a choice and what to expect from cohabitation.  

When Is It A Good Idea For Couples To Move In Together?

Depending on their values and religious beliefs, people can have radically different opinions on the right timeline for moving in together. However, religious beliefs aside, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Nevertheless, there are some things you may want to consider before making the decision, including: 

Are You And Your Partner On The Same Page? 

If you and your partner feel the same regarding the seriousness of your relationship and your future together, moving in together may be a good next step. Naturally, you may want to take into account the time you’ve known each other, considering the heightened emotions common at the start of a relationship. If you are unsure, have an open and honest conversation with your partner to determine what might be best for the two of you. At PIVOT, we call this looking at your relationship through the lens of the Whole Perspective – spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and financially.  You don’t have to be on the same page in these categories however you DO want to understand how your partner lives from this lens.

Are You Moving Out Of Convenience? 

Living together can be a sound financial decision, especially for young people who struggle to pay rent. However, taking this step early on, while disregarding the nature of the relationship, can lead to trouble down the road. Some people are simply happier while living apart. On top of that, some couples may keep on living together out of financial reasons and end up feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship. 

What Are Your Thoughts On Marriage? 

There’s plenty of variability in the way people think about marriage nowadays. Some people may choose to wait until marriage to start living together, while others may not want to get married at all. Where you and your partner are on this spectrum is an important factor in determining the right time to move in. Unless you two are on the same page regarding your future together, cohabitation may not be the best choice. 

Is It Normal To Have Doubts Before Moving In Together?

Of course it is. For some people, exchanging their solitary lifestyle for cohabitation is a huge step. In addition to wanting to preserve your freedom, you may also have doubts about the relationship itself, and that’s okay. If that is the case, you may want to voice your concerns to your partner and have a straightforward conversation with them. Once you start living together, it may get more difficult to leave the relationship if you realize you two are not a good match. 

What Do Couples Talk About Before Moving In Together?

There are several important topics to consider if you’ve decided to move in together. These may include: 

• Finances: While it may not seem romantic, money is quite important in relationships. How you and your partner decide to spend and save your money, whether you split expenses or have a joint account, will have a direct impact on the success of your relationship. 
• Time: If you or your partner are used to seeing each other only a couple of times a week, you may find yourself feeling stifled when being constantly together. This doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed or that one of you will cheat. To prevent feelings of frustration and guilt, be honest with your partner about your needs and wants. 
• Habits: In addition to the way you like to spend your time, you and your partner may differ in other respects. For instance, you may want your new place to be spotless and furnished with the trendiest pieces of furniture. Your partner, on the other hand, might be perfectly fine with a modest, messy home. 

Honest conversation is key to making your relationship work. This is especially important when deciding to start your life together. While you and your partner may be hesitant to speak about the less rosy aspects of the relationship, you won’t agree on everything, however hard you may try. Instead of waiting for issues to blow up later on, it may be best to discuss any potential challenges early on, before you commit to living together. 

Do Relationships Change When You Move In Together?

Living together with your partner is a big change. No matter how long you two have known each other and how well suited you think you are, some time may need to pass before you adjust completely. 

Be prepared to see your partner in a new light, with all their good and bad habits. Expect them to see you differently, too. On top of that, you may have far less time for solitary activities you love. All of these things can change your relationship for better or worse. Either way, it’s highly likely that you’ll encounter some challenges when you first move in together. Luckily, you can overcome most of these with some patience and honest communication. 

Visit Our Relationship Coaching Retreat For Individuals & Embrace Change 

PIVOT is here to help you make sound decisions for your future and deal with relationship challenges as they come. By learning relationship building skills in our individual coaching sessions or choosing one of our tailored couple workshops, you’ll be better equipped to take steps toward a happier, more fulfilled life. Get in touch with us today!

During the initial fiery stage of a relationship, it may be tempting to wave off any mentions of the importance of money. After all, isn’t it true that two people can overcome anything as long as they love each other? At PIVOT, we look at love as a verb.  Not everyone is in a state of consciousness of love in their relationship 100% of the time!

However, if you are to maintain a stable relationship, you and your partner would need to plan for the future, which is likely to involve renting or purchasing a place to live together, owning a car, perhaps raising children, planning retirement, and the list goes on. All of these things require money. 

Not only can money dictate how you and your partner achieve your long-term goals, but it can also be essential in overcoming various relationship challenges along the way. Relationships that cross over into commitment with secrets can destroy the bond.  Challenging issues with money seems to be one of the triggers of shame and secrets. Whether it’s the big secrets (gambling, hidden bank accounts, etc.) or smaller secrets (sneaking in a Nordstrom bag, taking cash out and lying about the reason, etc.), not being transparent about money can create complex conflict to overcome. Keep reading to find out how important money is and how you and your partner can handle financial transparency in your relationship. 

Is Money Important In A Relationship?

While most people would love to think that love conquers all, money can factor in your relationships in plenty of less than fun ways. And this goes beyond simply bickering over who’s going to pay for dinner. If you and your partner want to build a stable foundation for your future, you’ll need to be on the same page in terms of your finances. Here are some specific reasons why money does matter in romantic relationships: 

• Equality: This doesn’t have to mean splitting all bills 50/50. Instead, it may mean ensuring that neither party in the relationship feels exploited. Knowing how much you expect to contribute financially can help you avoid many common money issues. 
• Support: While it may not sound too romantic, it is essential to know how much your partner earns and their plans. You do not want to be forced to support somebody unexpectedly. On the other hand, things happen, so you may also need to prepare to support your partner during trying times. In both of these scenarios, a serious conversation about money can be a significant first step. 
• Priorities: Sharing the same long-term goals is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Imagine this: you are saving up your money to furnish your new apartment, while your partner wastes all their savings on nights out with friends. Determining your financial priorities can build trust and improve your relationship in the long run. 
• Future: All of the reasons listed so far have to do with planning for your future together. If you plan on moving in together and having a family, you’ll need to think about money. In addition, you’ll save yourself from plenty of money-related fights if you are open about finances from the get-go. 

How Do Relationships Deal With Money Differences?

Money differences and conflicts are common in relationships. Luckily, there are many ways in which you can learn to manage your finances as a couple. Here are some tips: 

• Learn to accept differences: It’s unlikely that you and your partner will agree on everything. While you don’t need to accept irresponsible financial decisions, it may be good to agree to disagree on some points. The key is to understand the differences and agree to disagree as long as you can jointly decide how to handle your specific issues as they arise – give and take.
• Be respectful and honest: Communicating openly and honestly about finances is key to building a stable future with your partner. Being straightforward initially and respectful of your partner’s relationship with money will help prevent arguments and bring you closer together. Often when two people come from different parenting styles and economic backgrounds, they can misunderstand each other.
• Set some boundaries: If you and your partner differ in your approaches to money, you may need to set some rules. For instance, you may choose to keep your accounts separate or have a joint account. 

When Do You Talk About Money In A Relationship?

Now that you know more about the importance of money in relationships, one question remains. When is the proper time to bring up money in a relationship? 

Well, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people may choose to talk about money on their first date, while others might find that to be extremely rude. Rather than follow a strict time frame, you may want to have your money talk sometime before your relationship starts getting serious. After all, if you don’t plan on staying in the relationship, you’re probably not all that concerned about finances. 

At PIVOT, we have a dating module that helps individuals determine what is important to learn while vetting potential partners based on their background and life experiences.  

How Do You Talk To Your Partner About Money?

So, how do you approach talking about money with your partner for the first time? Naturally, not everyone will think and talk about finances in the same way. Nevertheless, you may find the following tips helpful: 

• Keep an open mind and be prepared to listen to your partner, no matter how different their views may be. 
• Remember that your partner’s money habits will reveal themselves over time, so try not to worry too much about finances right at the start. 
• When you decide to have your money talk, consider your income and spending habits, as both tend to be essential factors in your financial future. 
• Don’t be secretive about your finances. Not telling your partner about your loans and debts will just create more problems in the long run. 
• Keep your cool. If your conversation starts getting heated for any reason, try to stay calm and collected and work through your differences. 
• Don’t make it all about money. However important money may be, being too focused on talking about finances early on may drive some people away. 

Learn To Fix Your Money-Related Troubles In Our Relationship Workshop

Relationships can be complicated, especially when money issues rear their ugly head. Fortunately, you can overcome most challenges with support from the compassionate and knowledgeable professionals at PIVOT. We provide insightful coaching for individuals dealing with relationship troubles, as well as a range of couple-focused skill-building workshops. Whether you’re looking for ways to fight temptation in a relationship or wonder if spending too much time with your partner can be detrimental to your relationship, count on us to have all the answers. Reach out to PIVOT today and start working on transforming your relationship and building a stable, healthy future. Call now!

For many, there are few things that cause as much anxiety as the thought of discussing a long-term commitment with your partner. Even more so if you haven’t been together for a long time. Even if everything is going well, anyone could be intimidated by opening up with vulnerability and asking the questions regarding your future together. 

However, not knowing if your partner sees a future with you and if you share common goals can cause a lot of worry and stress. It’s especially important to check if you see eye to eye when it comes to big things. Yes, things like being exclusive, moving in together, getting married, or having children. 

If you’re not sure how to approach these topics or when the best time is to bring them up, read on. Joining a couples retreat relationship workshop may also help you let go of your fears and create a fulfilling future together.

Is It Normal To Be Scared Of The Future In A Relationship?

To an extent, relationship anxiety is common and nothing to worry about. However, for people with past relational pain, it can intensify so much it becomes a source of stress and feels overwhelming to approach the topic. People who are excessively fearful of the future may even sabotage their relationship. 

For example, they may start arguing over a petty concern. Or, they may be overcome with jealousy and try to monitor their partner’s every move. This behavior can cause a deep rift between partners.

How Anxious Attachment Plays a Role

A debilitating fear of losing affection can be a trait of the anxious attachment style. Typically, people who attach anxiously didn’t have their emotional needs met in early childhood. Their deep-seated trauma, which is caused by a neglectful or absent parent, translates into their adult lives in this way. 

Because they’re out of relational alignment, they act on their fear without thinking things through. They often feel the need to control their partner and the situation, so that they can feel more secure in their relationship.

If you feel that the fear is too intense and it’s taking a toll on your mental health or your relationship, relationship coaching can help you work on it and teach you how to cope in a healthy way. Sometimes, the fear may be caused by a very real threat to the relationship, such as infidelity, incompatibility, or growing apart. Relationship workshops can also help you re-examine your relationship and determine whether it’s worth fighting for.

Is It Important For Couples To Talk About The Future?

It’s important for couples to be heading in the same direction in life. If you have compatible views of the future, it will be much easier to reach your shared goals and keep your relationship strong. Also, one partner’s decisions can have a huge impact on the other one’s life, so they deserve to be in the know. 

The best way to make sure that you’re on the same page is to discuss your future plans together. This way, you’ll both know exactly where you stand, avoiding misunderstandings and disappointments.

When Is A Good Time To Talk About The Future In A Relationship?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Any moment when you’re spending time together may be right. It may feel natural to do it when you’re about to move the relationship one step further, such as when you’d like to discuss moving in together. 

It could also be whenever a casual conversation points you in that direction. For example, you could touch on having shared accounts one day as you’re talking about your weekly grocery shopping. It’s essential to be open and honest whenever the topic crops up, as well as being willing to hear your partner out.

How Do You Ask Your Partner If They See A Future With You?

There are several tips that you can use to help you introduce the topic of your future together. These can make you feel more confident and help you have a fruitful discussion and gain a better understanding of your partner’s perspective.

1. Go With the Flow

Forcing this conversation can make it all the scarier for both you and your partner. You can let them know what your vision of the future is without putting them on the spot. 

For example, you may casually mention having a home together or starting a family when it naturally arises in conversation. If they pick up the topic enthusiastically, this may be enough to realize that you’re going in the same direction.

2. Ask the Right Questions

To turn the pressure down a notch, you could try asking general questions about their plans and hopes for the future. Then you’ll see whether you’re part of the picture. For example, instead of asking “Where is this going?”, which could make them uncomfortable and feel put on the spot,  you can keep the conversation light with questions like: “Where do you want to be in five years?” or “Do you feel like we’re doing well?”

3. Be Honest With Yourself and Your Partner

What if your visions for the future don’t align? Don’t just go along with what they say hoping that they’ll eventually come around. If you decide to stay, you’ll have to be able to live with the possibility that they may not change their mind.

Don’t put your needs second either because this may come back to bite you. Examine your needs carefully and see which things you’d be willing to compromise and which ones aren’t up for discussion. For example, you may be OK with not getting married, yet you may need an exclusive, monogamous relationship to be happy. 

Where Can I Find a Helpful Couples Retreat Relationship Workshop?

If you’re scared for the future of your relationship, and this is affecting it or your emotional well-being, you may wish to address your concerns through relationship coaching. By working with a trained and empathetic PIVOT advocate, you can discover the true origins of this fear and nurse your inner child back to health. You can overcome your fears of the future in our tailored individual workshops or approach these feelings as a couple by participating in a helpful couples workshop. PIVOT offers you a chance to take a better look at yourself and your relationship. Start your journey toward self-actualization now!

Monogamous relationships have long been the only type of relationship that permeates our daily lives and gets representation in the media. While the ideal of a picture-perfect marriage is ingrained in most people’s minds, reality is far less rosy. 

Divorce rates are high and many people fail to make their monogamous relationships work. Many start wondering if monogamy is for them or if they should seek an alternative relationship model.

Read on to find out what exactly is monogamy, who can benefit from it, and whether you can opt out of it if you wish. You’ll also learn about its different types, so you’re able to define and explain your needs better. If you’d like to discover more about yourself and create more fulfilling romantic bonds, you can consult a reliable relationship coach online.

What Is A Monogamous Relationship?

In a monogamous relationship, partners commit exclusively to each other. They agree not to be romantically involved with anyone else apart from one another. It’s a concept opposite to polyamory, where people can have sexual encounters with or develop romantic feelings for others outside their relationship. While monogamy is almost a given in our society nowadays, there are people who choose not to conform to this concept.

Who Benefits From Monogamy?

Depending on the people in question and their preferences, monogamy may offer multiple advantages and disadvantages. Whether you’ll benefit from it or not will depend on your personality, experiences, and wishes.

For example, some people find comfort in the simplicity and constancy of a monogamous relationship. It comes with a rather clear-cut set of rules, which align with many people’s religious and moral views. It’s also the most universally accepted relationship model in the USA, making it the most palatable for the majority of families and friends. 

Many people find the concept of growing old with the person they love romantic and highly desirable. They enjoy the focused attention they receive and the exclusivity of their partner’s affection.

On the other hand, monogamy may feel too constricting to some people. They may be underwhelmed with the predictability of making a lifelong commitment to one person only. Some also value the flexibility and practicality of polyamory. For example, they can engage in different activities with different partners, without attaching all of their needs to one person. 

Some people would like to be monogamous, but they struggle with remaining faithful to their partner. This may create friction in the relationship down the line, leading to arguments, grudges, and the death of the relationship. This person may either seek a compatible partner who doesn’t mind being in an open relationship or find relationship coaching to help them work on their concerns.

Because everyone’s different, ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works for you and communicate that honestly with potential partnerships. 

Is Monogamy A Choice?

Although in the West it has generally been the norm for centuries, monogamy is linked to culture, not nature. Throughout history, some societies imposed it, while others favored polygamy as the dominant relationship model. Although mononormativity is deeply rooted in our society and only monogamous marriages are legal in the USA, every couple is different and can decide whether to actively practice it. 

It’s important for partners to establish the groundwork for their relationship early on so there are no unmet expectations or bitter disappointments down the road. Once you set certain boundaries together, you and then respect them. However, they don’t have to be set in stone. 

You can revisit this discussion at different times, when the situation calls for it. For example, a couple may agree not to be financially monogamous in the beginning of their relationship, while they’re dating and living apart. Later on, when they decide to share a home, they may find it more convenient and practical to have shared finances. They can rethink and reshape these aspects of their relationship as it grows and changes. 

What Are The 5 Types Of Monogamy?

Monogamy comes in different forms. A couple may be monogamous in none, one, several, or all of these aspects. Knowing how to differentiate between them can come in handy. These types are a handy tool that can help you define and discuss your and your partner’s needs. 

• Physical: This is what most people mean when they talk about monogamy. The partners sexually engage with each other exclusively and physical contact with other people is considered cheating.
• Social: The partners typically live together under one roof, introduce each other as their partner, and become a part of each other’s families. They may be your emergency contact or your plus one in any social situation.
• Emotional: People who are emotionally monogamous agree to share a deep emotional connection only with one another. While they may choose to be physically intimate with other people, only the two of them share the feelings of romantic love.
• Financial: The couple has joint finances that they don’t share with other people without the permission of the other partner. They have insight into each other’s financial situation and decide on money matters together.
• Activity: This applies to doing certain things with each other only, without involving other people. These may be different hobbies or interests that the couple bonds over.

Where Can I Find Compassionate Relationship Intimacy Coaching?

Whether you’re in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, PIVOT can guide you toward better self-understanding and more fulfilling connections to others. Many difficulties people face stem from early traumatic experiences, which leave emotional wounds that reverberate throughout their lives. 

Through the PIVOT process, you can explore yourself profoundly and establish what makes you repeat harmful and ineffective patterns. Ultimately, this deeper self-awareness leads to a more satisfying relationship with yourself and others. You can attend our couples workshops to learn more about yourself and your partner or change for the better by joining our individual workshop program. 

We offer a tailored approach that will help you take control of your past hurt. Join us today!

Adultery, cheating, having a wandering eye… Whatever you may call it, many people consider it a deal breaker in a committed monogamous relationship. Monogamy is all about focusing your romantic feelings on one person, and infidelity can irrevocably endanger this bond. It can shatter your partner’s trust, which may lead to a lifetime of accusations and grudges or even end in divorce or breakup.

Although it may happen impulsively, out of anger or approval-seeking, it can have huge consequences and seriously undermine the future of a relationship. 

With the right support, people who struggle with temptation can discover the root cause of their concerns and salvage their relationship by working through the core wounds. For example, you can learn some helpful strategies to help you fix your relationship in an intensive relationship coaching program.

Is Temptation Normal In Relationships?

Sexual attraction is human and natural, even when you’re committed to someone. Feeling drawn to another person doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less. However, acting on it may be deeply hurtful to them and may lead to the deterioration of your marriage. This is why it’s important to define your definition of commitment and learn how to handle this urge in a healthy way.

Why Do People Cheat on People They Love?

There are many reasons why people cheat even when they’re in love. For example, if a person’s parents were unfaithful to each other, they may unwittingly re-enact this behavioral pattern they adopted early in their childhoods. For some, sexual promiscuity is a survival pattern developed in adolescence, when self-destructive behaviors tend to emerge as a way to protect your inner child. 

Infidelity is sometimes a trait of the avoidant attachment style. Avoidant behavior means not committing to your partner and always hiding a part of yourself from them. These individuals become easily overwhelmed in emotionally charged situations and their reaction to growing intimacy is to flee. Often, they’re typically a product of an overbearing parent.  They are quick to feel tied down and controlled. Instinctively, they take a step back and distance themselves from their partner, which may manifest itself in the form of cheating.

The ambivalent attachment style can also make a person stray. These people find decision-making difficult, so they go back and forth between different scenarios in their heads without taking action. They may be trapped in an unhealthy relationship for years, not knowing whether to fully commit or end it. During this turmoil, they may seek other sexual partners and then deeply regret it afterward.

Infidelity can also be motivated by anger, frustration, and disappointment. Although there may be love at times in the relationship, a person’s needs may not be understood, expressed, or met and they could feel alone and unseen. They may then try to cope in an unhealthy manner, by seeking revenge through seeking positive regard from someone outside the committed relationship.

Can Temptation Be A Good Thing?

Temptation can be surprisingly beneficial if you approach it from a healthy perspective. Instead of trying to bury your attraction to someone else, you can take something from it and use it to improve your marriage. It can help you dig deeper inside yourself and figure out what you want (and may not be getting) from your partner. You can then share it with them, discuss each other’s wants and needs judgement-free, and connect with each other on a deeper level. Opening up to your partner in this way may lead to a more fulfilling bond between the two of you.

How Do You Resist Temptation In A Relationship?

While being attracted to other people is natural, it’s important to react to it in a way that won’t cause guilt, shame, and regret. Here are some things you can do to fight temptation when it occurs:

• Establish a common ground: You and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to mutual expectations. The definition of cheating is different for every person. The level of exclusivity that works for some people may not work for others, and this is perfectly normal. However, transparency and honesty is necessary so that neither partner gets hurt.
• Think before you act: People function healthily when what they feel is in line with what they think and how they act. We call this Relational Alignment.  Using rational thinking with emotional intelligence and taking healthy action.  You may be temporarily overwhelmed by your attraction to someone without thinking through the potential consequences. Is it worth losing your bond and your life together? 
• Better safe than sorry: If there’s a particular situation that’s especially tempting, avoiding it may be helpful. For some people, it’s going out at night without your partner and drinking too much. For others, it may be using social networks and privately messaging people to get a rush. Although temptation can crop up anywhere, there’s no reason to actively seek it if you’ve decided it’s not in your best interest.
• Consider the causes: Think about the reasons why you feel attracted to this other person. Is there anything you lack in your relationship? Could your partner do anything to fill the gap? Understanding your needs and expressing them to your partner can help you establish a more fulfilling connection.

Where can I find effective emotional intimacy coaching?

If you’ve been hurt by infidelity or you feel tempted to cheat on your partner, PIVOT can help you discover and work on the main cause of your concerns. Our experienced and caring relationship advocates will guide you through the process of change and help you achieve your personal and relationship goals. 

Thanks to our curriculum, you’ll take steps toward reparenting your inner child, overcoming the echo of early trauma, and attaching securely. You’ll learn how to reach relational alignment, a state of your thoughts, feelings, and actions working together in a harmonious, healthy way. 

Work on money issues in your relationship or decide whether it’s time to move in together by joining our eye-opening workshops for couples. Facilitate your personal growth by participating in our individual workshops. Join us in a safe and welcoming environment of our Glass House Retreat to have a unique healing experience. Set out on a path of self-improvement today!

Life doesn’t stand still. Instead, it’s a constant flow of shifting circumstances. We need to be able to pivot in these different conditions in order to make the most out of them and lead a more fulfilling life. This is why change is a vital part of our existence. 

Relationships, like all other facets of life, undergo changes and fluctuations. As the people in it grow, it is natural for their bond to take different forms too. This is often necessary and healthy, building intimacy in a relationship and leading to a deeper mutual understanding. 

However, change can also sometimes generate friction in a relationship. Partners may experience misalignment if one of them makes progress and the other one doesn’t keep up. Wanting your partner to change could also cause problems if they don’t share your view, feel pressured, and judged.

Read on to learn what impact change can have on a relationship, how to cope with these effects, and help your relationship thrive.

Is Changing In A Relationship Bad?

Unhealthy relationships may stifle personal growth and make you feel stuck. A healthy bond is stable, yet not static. It encourages the partners’ development both independently and as a couple. Individuals who are aligned will aid each other’s progress and stimulate improvement without holding one another back. 

If an individual’s growth is welcomed and supported by their partner, this will further empower them both and strengthen their relationship. For example, someone may have a health condition that requires them to adopt lifestyle changes, like quitting smoking and drinking. If their partner is supportive and willing to take part, this may help the person sustain these positive changes. Additionally, this could be a catalyst for the other person to break their own unhealthy habits.

On the other hand, an individual could be experiencing change that’s challenging for their partner to handle. For example, they could get a new job and start working longer hours, causing the other person to feel lonely and neglected. Some changes could take a toll on your relationship even if you’re going through them together. For example, new parents are often so engrossed in the whirlwind of life with a newborn that their intimacy suffers. These issues can be effectively worked on in emotional intimacy coaching sessions.

Can You Change A Person In A Relationship?

Some people spend years stuck in an unfulfilling relationship hoping that their partner will change. For example, they may want the other person to be more proactive, more affectionate, or more involved in child rearing. It’s not uncommon for people to believe that the other person will change after settling into a committed relationship. This typically leads to failed expectations and bitter disappointment. 

A person may even decide to take full responsibility for their partner’s change. For example, some convince themselves that they can love their partner into overcoming addiction or serious mental health issues. This is a huge burden to shoulder, which isn’t fair to you, and a largely ineffective strategy that rarely produces desired results.

While you can support your partner through change, you can’t force or parent them into it. The willingness to change has to come from within, not from external pressures or coaxing. This isn’t to say that you have to tolerate your partner’s hurtful actions. You can openly and respectfully discuss what bothers you and decide together on the steps to save your relationship. Relationship coaching can help you understand each other more profoundly and teach you how to communicate without blaming or judging each other.

What To Do When Your Partner Wants You To Change?

Finding out that your partner wants you to change may come as a surprise. You may feel like their complaints are unfair and unfounded. If they also worded them harshly, you could be hurt and embarrassed. However, if there’s love and understanding in your relationship and you find it worth fighting for, it’s advisable to consider this:

• Understand that change is vital: Change is an integral part of life. To make their relationships work, people need to grow and adapt. This doesn’t mean losing yourself. Rather, it’s about being a part of a team.
• Try hearing them out with an open mind: People may get overwhelmed with their own feelings in the face of criticism. However, this only leads to conflict. Try listening to what your partner has to say.  Sometimes this can lead to them disclosing what they are actually challenged with that can be more about them than you! 
• Acknowledge their concerns: Let them know that they are being heard and that their concerns are coming through. If they’re hurting your feelings, ask them to express their request in a manner that is acceptable to you. 
• Do some soul searching: Rethink your actions carefully. See if there’s something you can do to make your partner more comfortable and content without compromising your own integrity. 
• Work out a plan together: Develop a plan that works for both of you. This may involve meeting halfway. For example, if they wanted you to do more housework, set up a schedule of who does what and be clear and in agreement of the expectations.

How Do You Change Your Behavior In A Relationship?

You can undergo beneficial change if you pivot from your past negative experiences and adopt healthier modes of being.  People are able to achieve this through the process of relational alignment, where their rational thoughts, emotional stability, and healthy actions become congruent. If your whole being operates in unison, you are more likely to choose your actions more carefully, make better choices, and act thoughtfully. This can help you evolve as a person and have a happy relationship.

Undergo Positive Changes With Emotional Intimacy Coaching

You can learn how to operate at a higher level of consciousness and establish yourself as a “healthy adult” through the process of “Pivoting”. With our tailored approach, you can realize what your unhealthy patterns are, what their underlying cause is, and how to counteract them for a more satisfying existence.

PIVOT organizes helpful individual workshops to help you work on healing your wounds and develop more successful strategies for coping with everyday challenges. We also offer rewarding relationship coaching programs that can help partners be more in-tune with each other. Reach out to us and talk to an experienced relationship advocate. We’re here for you!

A fulfilling romantic relationship is a meeting of equals. Both partners’ opinions and feelings are acknowledged, and both of their needs are taken care of. They thrive both individually and as a couple, allowing each other space for independence and growth -separately and together!  

However, the power dynamic within some relationships is not 50/50. It’s common for one person to have more drive and initiative while the other one tends to just go along with everything. While this may seem like a harmonious arrangement, it can cause problems down the road. The partners may hold this difference against each other and grow resentful after a while.

Knowing how to identify and overcome passive behavior may be crucial to the success of your relationship. Keep reading to find out how to deal with this common power disbalance. If you’d like to learn how to spot passivity in a relationship and discover ways to stop behaving passively, you can also do so using relationship intimacy coaching exercises. 

What Does Being Passive In A Relationship Mean?

Many relationships have a skewed balance of power. Typically, one partner acts responsibly and fixes problems proactively while the other one is laidback and indecisive. If an issue crops up, the active partner is on it immediately. The passive partner takes the backseat, waiting for the other person’s cues. For example, the passive partner may not even notice a light bulb that’s burned out whereas the active partner will spot it and work on the problem straight away. 

This leader-follower dynamic may work for a while. In the beginning of the relationship, this difference may feel refreshing to both people. The passive partner may admire the other one’s problem-solving skills, decisiveness, and resourcefulness. The active partner may like the other person’s laidback and carefree attitude. However, this can also become the main point of contention as time goes by. 

Often, this dynamic mirrors what the individual learned as a child and adolescent.  Were they parentified too young and have to take charge?  Were they controlled by a helicopter parent that did everything for them?  Understanding their developmental psychology together as a couple can really help with understanding why their partner reacts the way they do. 

What Are The Signs Of Passive Behavior?

A passive partner typically minimizes problems and chooses to deal with them later. This person rarely takes charge or makes vital decisions independently. They prefer relying on the active partner to solve everyday problems, like booking their daughter’s dentist’s appointment or making a grocery list. They may also seek their partner’s approval and readily go along with anything they want and say.

You may have (or be) a passive partner if you keep finding yourself in a conversation about responsibility. If one partner in your relationship keeps complaining about having to be in charge and do everything, the chances are that the other person exhibits passivity. 

How Do You Deal with A Passive Partner?

Putting up with this disproportionate division of responsibility is difficult to deal with for both individuals and can even lead to the death of the relationship. If you’re the active partner, you probably feel exhausted, used, and exasperated. This may make you critical and controlling of the other person. In turn, they can feel unfairly victimized and infantilized.

Conversations about passivity often turn into fights about who is right and who does more, and they usually do more harm than good. You may be pushing your partner to have more initiative although they may get defensive and rebuff your complaints. They may also feel like you’re being condescending and unappreciative. This is why approaching these conversations from a place of love and respect is very important.

Talking about the problem is the first step to solving it, although it may be best to tread carefully. It’s advisable to avoid criticizing the person too harshly and calling them lazy or careless. It’s most effective if you present the matter with a clear head, explain yourself directly and openly, and work on a strategy together.

How Do I Stop Being Passive In A Relationship?

An effective strategy for overcoming these differences and aligning with your partner is to communicate effectively and come together to create a solution that works for both parties. This will probably require both partners to change and compromise. Here are some things to try:

Understand what makes you act the way you do

Understanding yourself is essential to functioning well with someone else. An active partner tends to deal with stress by being hypervigilant, anxious, and controlling. While these coping strategies may solve problems, they still take a toll on the person’s well-being. Their passive counterpart may use escapism and avoidance to cope with unpleasant situations. This behavior causes friction in the relationship and gets nothing done. Both people would benefit from acknowledging their ineffective patterns and working through them.

Go against your unhealthy patterns

To have a healthier and more satisfying relationship, one person needs to learn how to let go while the other one needs to adopt a more proactive approach to life. The passive person could try to hear their partner out when they’re in worry mode and acknowledge their concerns. They can make progress by thinking of solutions to the problem at hand instead of dismissing it. Meanwhile, the active individual could work on resisting their controlling urges. Professional relationship coaching can be very helpful in making these different individuals see eye to eye.

Overcome Relationship Passivity & Emotional Intimacy Issues

If you’re unsure how to approach the issue of passivity in your relationship, PIVOT has the answer for you. With our expertise and compassion-based couples workshops at the comfortable Glass House retreat, you can learn how to communicate with your partner more openly, share your fears and concerns, and work through them as a unit. 

Our extensive curriculum and individual coaching sessions can also help you find peace and reconnect with every part of your inner self. Our experienced relationship advocates will be there to educate you on healthy behavioral patterns and teach you helpful techniques to help you heal and grow.

Reach out to us today to take part in a rewarding and empowering journey toward self-actualization. We’ll welcome you with open arms.