Category: Personal Growth

Both new and long-term relationships bring a fair share of challenges. Learning how to identify both relationship problems and solutions is one of the key steps to establishing emotional intimacy with your partner. However, revealing the underlying problem and coping with it in a healthy, constructive way is far from easy.
In fact, some individuals avoid addressing certain issues with their partners because they don’t want to admit that the problem exists in the first place. Others believe that by showing that something bothers them in their partners’ behavior, their vulnerability will be interpreted as a weakness.
However, to maintain a healthy, strong relationship, you need to learn how to recognize a problem and prevent it from causing a conflict with your partner. Only then will you be certain that you’ve found the right person and have a relationship worth fighting for.

What Are The Most Common Problems In A Relationship?

Whether you and your partner argue frequently or almost never get into conflict, you probably still experience certain obstacles in your relationship. While some of these issues may seem irrelevant or temporary, they may be triggered by serious underlying problems. Leaving them unresolved can truly sabotage your relationship and even cause you to become depressed.
So, the first step in overcoming relationship challenges is detecting and understanding the problem.

5 Most Common Problems In A Relationship

If you’re not certain what exactly has come between you and your partner, take a look at some common problems individuals often experience in their relationships:

• Inability to communicate with each other

Maintaining an open, honest communication can be difficult when you’re emotionally involved with someone. For some people, expressing their feelings or confronting their partner is truly challenging as it puts them in an uncomfortable situation. Additionally, some couples who’ve been in a long relationship may let their previous problems prevent them from truly listening to each other.

• Feeling bored and stuck 

This is a common problem among long-term partners who feel that their relationship has nothing new to offer. They feel as if they’re stuck in a rut, always doing the same things and knowing almost everything about each other. If you’ve experienced the same problem, you may have wondered whether you’re with the right person.

• Growing apart from each other

If you’ve been with your partner for years, you’ve probably shared numerous experiences. However, the problem arises when one of you has changed significantly over the years, while the other person remained the same. Whether it comes to gaining new interests, achieving business success, or simply adopting new habits, you or your partner may feel as if the other person has “changed too much”, which can affect your relationship.

• Experiencing trust issues

Whether because of negative relationship history or a problem that has occurred between you and your partner, you may lose trust in your partner or have a problem establishing it in the first place. This can lead to a great number of other problems as trust is the foundation of every relationship.

• Having trouble committing

If you or your partner have commitment issues, you may find it hard to maintain or even enter a relationship. This is a common problem among individuals who have an ambivalent or avoidant type of attachment style.

What Causes Problems In Relationships?

These issues are both a problem and a cause. For instance, trust issues can be a cause of jealousy in a relationship. However, you also have to consider what has led to these trust issues in the first place. Have you experienced infidelity in the previous relationship? Do your trust issues stem from your relationship with your parents?
Finding the exact reason behind certain problems will help you overcome them and help you build an even stronger relationship with your partner. If you want to understand yourself and your partner better and find a solution to your relationship obstacles, start by gaining a deeper insight into their cause.

• Self-abandonment: It’s natural to put your relationship before some personal wishes after carefully considering your unique situation. However, completely neglecting yourself and focusing solely on your partner can result in a range of different problems, including resentment, anger, low self-esteem, and even depression.
• Intimacy issues: If you and your partner have the fear of intimacy, you may be reluctant to commit fully to each other or experience serious communication problems. You may find it difficult to talk about your feelings or concerns, not wanting to get too close to your partner.
• Incompatibility: Some people are simply not compatible in one or more aspects. Whether it comes to your sexual relationship, personal goals, personalities, or attachment styles, compatibility problems can sabotage or damage your relationship.
• Codependency: Being in a codependent relationship is unhealthy for both partners. It leads to completely neglecting yourself, experiencing self-worth issues and self-criticism, and constantly seeking validation from your partner.

However, it’s important to mention that a relationship problem can be a result of multiple causes. It’s not always easy to discern what exactly triggered an issue between you and your partner. This is particularly common among individuals who are in a long-term relationship because numerous factors are in play.

How Do You Know If You Are The Problem In A Relationship?

It’s easy to blame your partner for everything that goes wrong in your relationship and it’s far from easy to take responsibility for certain problems. However, two people are responsible for keeping a relationship healthy, so you have to ask yourself whether you’re causing certain issues.
Of course, if you’re the problem, it doesn’t mean that you’re sabotaging your relationship on purpose. Some behavioral patterns and previous experiences may be affecting your attitude toward your partner and preventing you from resolving certain conflicts.

Signs That You’re The Problem

So, if you’re wondering whether you’re the reason why your relationship has hit the wall, you should ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you often go off topic when arguing with your partner?
• Do you think you’re superior to your partner in any way?
• Do you lash out easily regardless of the problem?
• Do you avoid admitting you’re wrong?
• Do you have a problem saying sorry?
• Are you happy with yourself?

How Do You Fix Relationship Problems?

Overcoming relationship challenges requires a lot of effort and work since there’s no single solution you can try. However, if you’ve found a person you truly love and want to see your relationship work, you will work on resolving your issues together and support each other along the way. Here’s how you can start:

• Work on yourself. To be truly happy with your partner, you need to be happy and satisfied with yourself. From changing negative behavior and habits to working on your personal growth, taking steps to improve yourself will reflect on your relationship.
• Nurture your communication. Communication is the key to resolving problems and conflicts. Don’t hesitate to speak up when something bothers you and truly listen to your partner. Discuss your issues openly and avoid criticizing your partner.
• Stay honest, open, and calm. It’s important to stay calm during an argument to resolve a problem. Try to control your anger and express it in a healthy way. Additionally, stick to your promises and be honest – always.
• Show appreciation. If you notice that your partner is really trying to change and work on your relationship, express your appreciation. Make sure to do the same for other gestures they do for you. If your partner feels unappreciated, this can really affect your relationship and their self-esteem.
• Be patient. Resolving relationship problems is a process that takes time, especially if you need to change some well-established behaviors.
• Consider relationship coaching. If you feel that you’re not making any progress or cannot identify the exact problem in your relationship, consider seeking help from a coach or joining an intensive workshop.

Resolve Your Relationship Problems With Life-Changing PIVOT

Strengthening your relationship through problem and conflict resolution is truly rewarding. However, it requires you and your partner to overcome numerous challenges and face your problems honestly, which can be difficult and emotionally exhausting.
Fortunately, you can find the help and support you need with us. Our experienced PIVOT advocates are here to help you gain a deeper understanding of your relationship, reveal the problems that have been sabotaging it, and finally reach the resolution you need.
The PIVOT process is carefully devised to help you alter the negative behavioral patterns by addressing the underlying issues. By reaching out to us, you’ll have an opportunity to join our high-result intensive coaching retreat at the Glass House or work on your personal growth and self-improvement through our individual PIVOT coaching. Start your personal and relational transformation today!

Are you feeling uncertain about the level of emotional intimacy in your relationship? Are there any indications of emotional intimacy issues that you’re somehow missing? How can you tell if you and your partner have established genuine emotional intimacy? If so, how do you build on it?
Read on to find out whether you have managed to build an intimate connection with your partner and learn how to improve intimacy in a relationship and further enhance the closeness between you and your partner.

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Intimate With Someone?

First of all, relationships are not easy nor simple. Falling in love with someone may be spontaneous and come natural, but things in a relationship might not go as smoothly. It takes hard work to form a lasting, meaningful connection with someone, develop intimacy and build a relationship that has the potential to last a lifetime.

What Is Considered Intimacy?

Intimacy is manifested through emotional, mental and physical closeness between two people in a relationship. Passion and physical intimacy are certainly exciting. But it is emotional intimacy, closely intertwined with mental intimacy, that is an absolutely necessary part and the basis of a lasting relationship.
Having genuine emotional intimacy with a partner means that you have a relationship built on mutual understanding, support, love, and care. You are always there for each other, but you don’t pressure each other into opening up about things you’re uncomfortable with until you’re ready. Your relationship is built on patience, empathy, and kindness. As a couple, you are in-sync and ready to overcome any challenge you may be facing down the line.
They say couples who laugh together, stay together. Couples who stay together also tend to:

• Show affection physically,
• Express loving emotions verbally,
• Have intellectual discussions,
• Share experiences with each other.

What Are The Four Types Of Intimacy?

Intimacy comes in four main forms, all of which are important for building a healthy and long-lasting relationship. These are:

• Emotional intimacy: being emotionally intimate with someone means being able to share your deepest feelings, insecurities, and dreams without fearing judgment. You should feel valued and understood by your partner.
• Physical intimacy: while most people associate physical intimacy with sexual intercourse, it actually involves much more than that. It is about sensual expression and activity that brings you closer.
• Intellectual intimacy: discussing your viewpoints and beliefs with your partner without fear can help deepen intellectual or cognitive intimacy. Both of you should feel like your opinions and thoughts are valued in the relationship.
• Experiential intimacy: this form of intimacy is built by sharing experiences and activities with your partner. Whether it’s traveling together or enjoying a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant, shared experiences can deepen your bond immensely.

Can A Relationship Survive A Lack Of Intimacy?

Love and affection are basic human needs. Lacking intimacy in a relationship can bring about a wide range of problems for you and your partner, especially if you used to be closer or if one of you is more willing to work on building intimacy.
A relationship without intimacy can survive only if both partners are ready to put in some effort to create a deeper bond. If you both decide to work together to rebuild intimacy, then, yes, your relationship will most likely survive and may even transform into something entirely new and beautiful.

How Can I Improve My Partners Intimacy?

If you feel like your partner is no longer as intimate with you, don’t despair. There are numerous ways in which you can rebuild the connection between you two. Here’s how you can build intimacy in your marriage:

• Provide emotional support
• Share your thoughts
• Spend more time together
• Share exciting experiences
• Spend less time on your phone/computer
• Show appreciation with loving gestures

Signs Of Emotional Intimacy

There are several signs of emotional intimacy that you can easily recognize:

• You’re not trying to change each other: you accept your partner for who they are, and they reciprocate. If this lasts past the honeymoon phase, you can rest assured that the love you have for each other is unconditional, which is a sign of a healthy relationship in which both partners are free to be who they really are.
• You make each other better humans. You push each other to be better. It’s as if the purity of the love you have for each other is making you kinder.
• You are compatible with each other in the sense that matters most: the core principles and values you both uphold. If you share a similar life philosophy and moral standards and feel like you’re each other’s intellectual equals, you are on the same wavelength and you have a relationship that’s built to last.
• You communicate on a deep, meaningful level. You are always having conversations that revolve around expressing and sharing innermost feelings and emotions and it feels natural. Honesty and openness between partners are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
• You are still the same independent individuals as before. Unlike two people in a codependent relationship, you two are in love with each other independently and perfectly comfortable being apart. By being careful not to suffocate each other, you’re giving yourselves the space to breathe and a chance at a happily ever after.

Can A Relationship Coach Help Me Build Emotional Intimacy?

If you have decided to work on your emotional intimacy issues, speaking with a relationship coach would be the best course of action. Here’s how an intimacy coach can help:

• They will encourage you to share positive feelings with your partner. This may include telling your partner you love them more frequently, or simply showing appreciation for the actions that your partner does. No matter what exact words you use, sharing these positive feelings will help deepen the bond between you and your partner.
• An intimacy coach will teach you to speak about your fears. If you want to deepen intimacy with your partner, they should be allowed to see the parts of you that you deem unacceptable or shameful. By showing these aspects of yourself and sitting with your vulnerability, you will find it much easier to feel relaxed and accepted.
• They will teach you how to accept and acknowledge your shortcomings. In order to create closer bonds with people, you will have to learn how not to be defensive about the parts of you that may be seen as weaknesses. An intimacy coach will encourage you to admit your faults and help you be more direct and honest when sharing with others.

How To Build Emotional Intimacy With A Partner?

Spicing things up in the bedroom is relationship 101. But working on building emotional intimacy with someone takes a more subtle approach. Now gorging on spicy baby back ribs while watching a Conan McGreggor fight may not be your ideal way to spend date night, but if your partner’s into it, rest assured it’s one way to spice things up at a deeper level.
Remember that it’s the little things that count. You’re showing that you care enough for your partner to listen and remember the things they like and care about.
Both you and your partner should make a conscious effort to do the following:

• Take part in meaningful, connection-deepening activities together.
• Discuss issues that you disagree on to boost empathy and understanding.
• Boost intimacy with meaningful gestures that will make your partner happy.
• Compliment each other and remind each other of all the things you love and appreciate about each other.
• Work on yourself individually and your relationship will thrive.
• Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable: avoidance is the archenemy of intimacy.
• Create an atmosphere of emotional safety.

7 Ways To Build Intimacy In Your Relationship

Both you and your partner should make a conscious effort to do the following:

1. Share experiences

Take part in meaningful, connection-deepening activities with your partner. Trying something new can bring you closer together and help you create new memories that you will cherish for years to come.

2. Don’t fear conflict

Discuss issues that you disagree on to boost empathy and understanding instead of avoiding all forms of conflict. Both you and your partner should strive to create healthy boundaries and feel free to talk about your concerns and fears.

3. Express yourself

Boost intimacy with meaningful gestures that will make your partner happy. Showing your love and appreciation without fear will make your partner feel safe and loved, as well as deepen your connection.

4. Give compliments

As time goes by, many couples stop giving compliments to each other because they feel like everything has been said. Make sure to remind your partner of all the things you love and appreciate about them.

5. Love yourself

Work on yourself individually and your relationship will thrive. Self-care can come in many forms, whether it’s taking up a new hobby, achieving career goals, or simply finding more time to spend with your friends.

6. Be vulnerable

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. In fact, avoidance is the archenemy of intimacy. Guarding your feelings will only distance you from your partner instead of bringing you closer together. Make sure to speak up about your fears and insecurities.

7. Provide support

Let your partner know that they can rely on you for love and support. Create an atmosphere of emotional safety and try to be a good listener. If your partner feels cared for, they will surely reciprocate.

Restoring And Improving Emotional Intimacy

Building emotional intimacy with a partner requires ongoing work from both partners. Trying to rebuild and restore emotional intimacy takes even more hard work, patience and dedication. Whether you’re attempting to save a relationship that lost its spark or start a healing process after a critical period, difficult times may lie ahead. But to quote Elvis Presley: Let’s not let a good thing die.
So what can you do to restore and improve emotional intimacy?

• Focus on your personal growth,
• Improve your communication and practise active listening,
• Spend quality time with your significant other,
• Romance isn’t dead: even the smallest romantic gestures can go a long way in helping you rebuild intimacy.

How To Build Emotional Intimacy In A New Relationship?

Maybe your partner is just having a bad day, but you’ve already started seeing red flags and having terrifying visions of the worst-case scenario where you have drifted apart and damaged your relationship beyond repair.
Sometimes when you’re in a new relationship, things can get really awkward really fast. We’ve all been there. The ebb and flow of relationships is frightening, especially if you’re just starting to get emotionally intimate with someone. You may start to feel that you’re growing distant from your partner. On the other hand, you’re afraid to address the topic because you don’t want to put a strain on your partner or come off as overbearing or paranoid.
But instead of fearing what the future may bring, be proactive. Just because you’re in a new relationship doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells. In fact, if you want to make a relationship work, you have to have an honest approach from day one and feel free to express any concerns, fears or suspicions you may have. This is as important as taking affirmative action and expressing the love and appreciation you have for each other.

Emotional Intimacy Does Not Equal Perfect Harmony

As with any relationship, conflicts are inevitable, especially once partners in a budding relationship have taken off their rose-colored glasses. But partners who want to make their relationship work and who are putting their time and energy into building emotional intimacy may avoid getting into conflict with each other for the first time for fear of losing their partner.
Surprisingly enough, conflicts in a relationship can prove useful: they can help clear the air and help you and your partner reach a higher level of mutual understanding and intimacy.

Learn How To Improve Intimacy In A Relationship At PIVOT

Here at PIVOT, we are all about helping you grow as a person and providing you with the support and guidance you need to form relationships that will last. Whether you decide to attend emotional intimacy coaching sessions by yourself or together with your partner, our PIVOT Advocates are here to promote your personal growth.
You may also benefit greatly from a retreat or building intimacy in a marriage workshop at The Glass House. Consult PIVOT Advocates to get a comprehensive overview of the PIVOT process and all that it has to offer. Contact us today!

Many individuals fear commitment and will struggle with situations that require them to establish a long-term connection or obligation to another person.
People with commitment issues or commitment phobia experience great levels of anxiety in relationships. The commitment challenges they face can take a great toll on both parties in the relationship and often the only way to overcome these obstacles is to seek external help, whether it’s in the form of individual coaching or a dating problems workshop.
Read on to learn what commitment issues are, how they occur, and how you can deal with them.

What Are Relationship Commitment Issues?

In order to understand why you or your partner have commitment issues, you first need to know what commitment actually means. In the most basic sense, it can be defined as an obligation or bond to a single person, goal, or cause. Commitment phobia can affect all areas of one’s life, including their romantic relationships, friendships, and professional life.
It’s important to understand here that a person struggling with commitment issues probably craves to establish emotional intimacy and maintain a long-term relationship. However, the intense feelings they experience in the relationship may be more scary to them than to most people, making it hard for them to stay in the situation for long.

What Causes Commitment Issues In Relationships?

The roots of commitment issues tend to go back to a person’s early childhood. Oftentimes, an individual with commitment issues will have an avoidant or ambivalent attachment style. This means that the relationships the person experienced in early childhood, particularly with parents or caregivers, impacted their adult relationships in a way that makes commitment such a challenge.
Avoidant individuals tend to be wary of being vulnerable in a relationship and showing genuine emotion. This may be because they were hurt in a previous romantic relationship or the issue may go further back to potentially unresponsive or unavailable parents. Either way, a person with an avoidant style will likely perceive most people as unreliable and will go out of their way to avoid pain in their relationships.

Causes Of Commitment Phobia

Naturally, the exact causes of commitment issues will differ from one person to another. Nevertheless, there are certain factors that can influence a person’s commitment phobia. Here are some of them:

• Unhealthy relationships with abusive, unfaithful or controlling partners
• Neglectful or unresponsive parental figures
• Parents’ marital problems or divorce
• Deeply rooted trust issues
• Traumatic events in formative years
• Intense fear of being hurt in a relationship, etc.

Of course, no two individuals will have the exact same background. As a result, commitment issues can manifest in a variety of different ways. While some individuals may struggle with even starting a long-term relationship, others will try to maintain long-term relationships only to sabotage it once their fears become more intense.

Dating Someone With Commitment Issues

Being in a relationship with an individual with commitment phobia can be incredibly stressful. If your partner has trouble committing and showing their true feelings, it’s only natural that you’d feel lost and confused in the relationship.
However, confusion and resentment may not always stem from commitment phobia. Determining if your partner has underlying commitment issues would require them to share their thoughts and feelings and that’s a tough deal for most commitment-phobes.

How To Tell If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues

If you aren’t sure whether your partner struggles with commitment, ask the following questions:

• What were their previous relationships like? Typically, commitment-phobes tend to have a history of unstable and short-lived relationships. Also, if your partner has never been in a long-term relationship, they may struggle with commitment.
• Have you met their parents and friends? A person with commitment issues may refrain from including you in their family life. If they aren’t sure that you are here to stay, they may not want you to meet their family and close friends.
• Are they willing to plan ahead? If your partner only plans for a couple of weeks or months ahead but refuses to make any long-term plans with you, they may be dealing with underlying commitment issues.
• Do they tell you how they truly feel? An unwillingness to open up and talk about how they feel about you and the relationships is a common characteristic of commitment-phobes, so look out for that.

What Do You Do If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues?

Dealing with commitment phobia is no small feat. If you‘re in a relationship with a person struggling with commitment anxiety, it’s understandable that you may doubt the relationship and contemplate leaving it.
While breaking up may be the best course of action in some cases, you should keep in mind that a commitment-phobe probably desires emotional intimacy but has no idea how to change their ways. Here’s how you can try to deal with commitment issues in your relationship:

• Give them some space. While you may be afraid of losing your partner, pressuring a commitment-phobe is never a good idea.
• Be patient. If they truly love you, they will realize that they want to work on the relationship, even if it may take some time.
• Be honest and show them that they can trust you. Many individuals who struggle with commitment are simply afraid of being hurt.
• Try to understand why they are the way they are. If you make an effort to be understanding and attentive to your partner’s needs, they will probably appreciate it.
• Don’t forget to care about yourself. All of this doesn’t mean that you should put your partner’s needs before your own. If your partner doesn’t want to work on themselves, don’t waste all of your energy on trying to change them.
• Seek professional help. Commitment issues can be hard to deal with. Sometimes, the best course of action is to reach out to experienced relationship coaches for guidance.

Let The PIVOT Advocates Help!

Reaching out to seasoned relationship specialists is often the best path to take if you’re dealing with relationship problems. Our knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates rely on a curriculum built over 15 years that we call the PIVOT process, employing effective methods and techniques to help individuals struggling with personal and relational challenges.
Whether you want to try out couples or individual coaching for your relationship struggles or want to visit a relationship problems and solutions retreat that we offer at The Glass House, you’ve come to the right place. Reach out to us today and change your relationships for the better!