Lori Jean Glass

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse: How To Heal & Find Happiness

Posted on July 21, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

What many people don’t realize about narcissists is over the course of their life, they have built an idealized self, a pretty picture that hides all of their weaknesses and shame from the world. Because they know deep inside how flawed they are, just like everyone else, they use defense mechanisms that may cause great harm to the people closest to them.

If you’ve been the victim of narcissistic abuse or any form of emotional manipulation, you may benefit from understanding the main driving forces behind narcissistic behaviors. Many codependent relationship intensive workshops are designed to illuminate different facets of narcissistic abuse and help codependents regain control of their life.

Keep on reading to find out more about narcissistic abuse and its effects.

What Does Narcissistic Abuse Do To You?

Narcissists use a wide array of abusive tactics to manipulate and hurt their victims. You might have found yourself at the receiving end of gaslighting, idealization and devaluation, sabotaging, stonewalling, deflection, and many other forms of control and coercion.

All of these forms of narcissistic abuse can have a devastating effect on your emotional and psychological health, especially if they are exercised over a long period of time. Naturally, the exact effects will vary from one person to another, but they may share some overarching patterns you might be able to recognize within yourself.

The Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse

Here’s how narcissistic abuse can damage your emotional wellbeing:

Decreased self-esteem: one of the most common effects of narcissistic abuse is a greatly impaired confidence. Even if you used to be assertive, self-assured, and aware of your worth, you may now feel unlovable, unworthy, and weak.
Impaired communication skills: a relationship with a narcissistic can have an effect on your communication style too. You may find it hard to express yourself openly and share your thoughts and feelings. This may influence your friendships, career, and family life.
Constant feelings of worthlessness and blame: do you constantly internalize everyone else’s problems and feel blame even though you had nothing to do with them? This may also be a consequence of narcissistic abuse.
Insecure attachment: narcissistic abuse may influence your future relationships, impairing and destabilizing your ability to form healthy attachments in your life. You may no longer feel safe opening up, or you may develop a fear of abandonment.
Narcissistic tendencies: unfortunately, narcissistic abuse can breed more narcissistic traits, especially if it is inflicted by a parent or caregiver. You may begin to exhibit narcissistic tendencies too, although you may not be aware of it.
Superficial behavior: in order to protect yourself from a narcissist while being in a relationship with them, you need to be at least a little bit superficial. You have to fake happiness and satisfaction in order to avoid abuse instead of being open and honest.

What Happens When You Stand Up To A Narcissist?

Although you may feel like standing up to a narcissist and blaming them for all the heinous things they’ve done would be a good idea, you will most likely subject yourself to even more hurt if you choose to do so. Here’s how a narcissist may react if you confront them:

They may cater to your ego, charming you into forgiving them
They may use various intimidation tactics to silence you
They may make fun of you and attack your weakest spots
They may pretend to be ignorant and make you question your sanity
They may badly about you to other people, isolating you from friends and family

How Do You Feel After Leaving A Narcissist?

Breaking up with a narcissist is a big step. It may feel a lot like overcoming an addiction – at first, it may be extremely painful, frustrating, and chaotic, but it will give you your life back in the end. Once you part ways with your abuser, you should keep reminding yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you deserve to have happy relationships.

Once the initial stages are over with, you will feel free and at peace with yourself. You will learn to trust your intuition, set healthy boundaries, and be more confident when dealing with other people. You will no longer have to walk on eggshells and navigate the volatile emotional world of the narcissist. Ultimately, you will feel like your healthy, strong, and lovable self once again.

How Do You Recover From Narcissistic Abuse?

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a lengthy and challenging process, but no matter how big the obstacles may be, the journey will surely be worth it. Here are some useful tips if you’re struggling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse:

Don’t deny the abuse: there’s no point pretending that you weren’t hurt by the narcissist’s behaviors. Try to understand how you were affected by the abuse and face the grief head on.
Set clear boundaries: if your abuser is still trying to contact you, you will need to show serious strength. It is very likely that you will feel tempted to stay in touch, but most experts agree that it’s best to cut off all communication if you are to heal.
Teach yourself compassion: be gentle on yourself, however hard it may be. The abuse you suffered is far from your fault. Try to remember that your abuser hurt you because they have their own issues that they need to work on and focus on your own wellbeing.
Have a support network: while spending some time alone can be very beneficial to your mental health, prolonged isolation is rarely a good idea. Instead, talk with your friends and family about your struggles and practice vulnerability.
Speak to professionals: your family and friends may be able to offer some support, but they may not have the knowledge necessary to give you the help you need. A skilled relationship coach will provide you with resources you need to facilitate change and recover.

Regain Your Sense Of Worth At A PIVOT Codependency Retreat

Are you looking for support on your path to happiness and wellbeing? You don’t have to go it alone. With PIVOT, you can find the strength and rebuild yourself and recover from emotional neglect and abuse. Our relational freedom coaching sessions and intensive retreats for codependents will give you a new perspective and opportunity to create a happier and healthier you. Contact us today!

Abandonment Issues & Their Effect On Relationships

Posted on July 21, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

As children, we all need to feel loved and cared for by our parents and caregivers. We carry these emotional needs into adulthood, too, seeking emotional intimacy and closeness in our relationships. Unfortunately, not everybody receives the love and support they need to form secure attachments and it can have a huge impact throughout their lives.

Even if you feel like you had a decent childhood with both parents present, you may still feel abandoned in one way or another, although you may not be aware of it. For instance, you may struggle to form secure attachments in your adult life, or exhibit obsessive behaviors toward your partners.

If this sounds like you, consider attending a love addiction retreat. Professional relationship coaches may be able to shed some light on the way your childhood and past relationships have affected you. Read on to learn more about emotional abandonment and how it can influence your relationships.

What Does Emotional Abandonment Look Like?

In order to be happy and content in your life, your basic emotional needs need to be met. Unfortunately, many people are not even aware of these needs, although they may feel that something is missing from their life.

Basic Emotional Needs

Here are some of the most important emotional needs that should be fulfilled in your relationships:

Feeling understood and listened to
To feel cared for and nurtured
To be appreciated
To feel accepted
To be loved
To feel connected to others

If these needs are not met in your formative years, you may struggle with symptoms of emotional abandonment later on in life. The abandonment issues may be exacerbated if you were a victim of narcissistic abuse, severe emotional neglect, or various forms of emotional manipulation.

What Are The Symptoms Of Abandonment Issues?

Individuals with abandonment issues may exhibit a wide range of behaviors in their relationships. Some of the most common symptoms associated with emotional abandonment include:

Engaging in a series of shallow relationships. Your abandonment issues can lead you to cycle through numerous surface-level relationships and find excuses to leave before you can be abandoned by the other person.
Sabotaging your healthy relationships. You may have a tendency to end healthy relationships when you suspect that your partner might leave you. This may involve various sabotaging behaviors, such as cheating or starting unnecessary arguments.
A devastating fear of being alone. If you tend to stay in unhealthy relationships despite wanting to leave, you may fear being alone more than you fear being hurt by the other person.
Seeking constant reassurance: you may have abandonment issues if you often pressure your partner or friends to make promises not to ever leave you or want to hear how much they love and appreciate you every day and get mad if they don’t.
Obsessive behaviors and jealousy: if you feel like your partner might leave you, you might engage in stalking and express extreme jealousy at the mere thought of them leaving you for somebody else.

How Do Abandonment Issues Affect Relationships?

As we’ve already illustrated, abandonment issues can manifest themselves in a multitude of ways, most of which can impair your ability to create stable relationships. Your self-medicating behaviors may include various compulsions and addictions, whether it’s excessive shopping, alcohol, drugs, sex, or overeating.

Because of your abandonment issues, you may avoid getting close to anybody. Your fear of abandonment may be so debilitating that you build an impenetrable wall around your emotional core, keeping everybody out.

Or you may take a completely different route, attaching yourself to emotionally unavailable persons so strongly that you become clingy, needy, and obsessive. You may do this because such relationships mimic the unhealthy patterns you experienced in childhood.

Regardless of the exact effects you experience, your abandonment issues are likely to significantly impair your ability to create healthy attachments and build long-lasting relationships.

How Do You Deal With Abandonment Issues In A Relationship?

If your abandonment issues have damaged your relationships and made you feel even more vulnerable, it is time to take the reins and face your childhood and adolescent wounds head on. Many people feel unlovable and unworthy sometimes – don’t let it dictate how you live your life. Here’s how you can overcome your abandonment issues through self-compassion and care:

Be Kind To Yourself

Many people have that critical inner voice telling us what a terrible person we are. The sooner you learn to rein in this voice and stop it from dictating your behaviors, the better. It’s good to learn how to see the positive traits in yourself instead of focusing on your flaws. You deserve compassion, and you can start by finding it within yourself.

Practice Mindfulness

In order to overcome your fear of abandonment, you can learn how to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings and stop them from carrying you away. Learning to be gentle with yourself and cutting your mean thoughts in the bud will help you build a stronger emotional core and stop you from losing your sense of self.

Your Flaws Are Human

Remember that you are not the only one experiencing these painful thoughts and feelings. Most people struggle with their own issues, and if we could all band together to cultivate self-compassion and emotional strength, it would be much easier to live a life based on acceptance and love. Just keep in mind that you aren’t alone in this – you are worthy of love and compassion, just like everyone else.

Overcome Your Fears In Our Love Addiction Intensive Workshops

Do you feel like it’s time to do away with self-sabotaging behaviors and start practicing self-love? We believe so, too. Here at PIVOT, we offer a variety of intensive love addiction retreats and coaching sessions that may help you overcome your abandonment fears and learn to love yourself for who you are, flaws and all.

You don’t have to heal your emotional wounds on your own. Get in touch with one of our experienced PIVOT advocates today and start working on creating a brighter future for yourself. Give us a call now!

How To Deal With An Anxious Or Avoidant Partner?

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Have you been in a relationship where you feel that your partner is avoiding you by spending a lot of time at work, with friends or away from you?

Or perhaps you feel your partner is anxious and seems to try to throw away your relationship when it becomes uncomfortable or maybe engages in strange behavior because they don’t think before they act.

Loving someone with avoidant attachment can be challenging and stressful. When a partner attaches in an anxious or avoidant style it can feel like there’s a third person in the relationship getting in between you both causing confusion, doubt and worry.

Nonetheless, this doesn’t have to end your relationship or make it difficult to enjoy being together. By understanding why they attach in an anxious or avoidant style and how love avoidance may affect your partner and your relationship, you can connect in a new healthy way.

What Is Avoidant Attachment In Relationships?

During the initial stages of your romantic relationship, your partner may have seemed mysterious. They didn’t speak too much and maybe there was a feeling of melancholy. But now, no matter how long you’ve been together, you feel that they continue to remain detached.

People who experience avoidant attachment want to avoid conflict, so they seem to avoid connection as much as possible. Being in a relationship with an avoidant attachment partner, you may question if they really care or love you.

You may feel tempted to put their behavior down to neglect, selfishness or egocentricity. But just know that if you critique or accuse them of this, then this will lead your avoidant partner to withdraw even more.

To deal with an avoidant partner you need to consider that despite their robust outward manner, they are scared to let their guard down.

The core wound for people with avoidant attachment styles is feeling that they are not seen for who they are. This makes them avoid experiencing feelings because their parents didn’t allow them to feel uncomfortable feelings as a child.

They grow up not being able to experience uncomfortable situations in their relationships, which is why they want to avoid them. This means they are distant and put up barriers within their relationship because being cared for with kindness generates unfamiliar feelings for them.

What Does Anxious Attachment Look Like?

Most people who attach in an anxious way often grew up experiencing abandonment and now crave connection in an adult relationship.

If you are dating someone with anxiety, it’s likely your partner spends a lot of time worrying about what could go wrong with your relationship.

Common Anxious Attachment Style Signs

Although most people have occasional anxious thoughts, especially when the relationship is new, the difference with someone with an anxious attachment style is that they have intense anxious thoughts much more often.

For example, they may have thoughts such as:

What if he/she doesn’t love me as much as I love him/her?
What if he/she is hiding something from me?
What if he/she is cheating on me?
What if we break up?
What if he/she doesn’t text me back?

These thoughts can then lead to behaving in ways that test the relationship. For example, being controlling and overly needy; checking up on your partner on social media; doing drive-bys to make sure your partner’s home or checking your partner’s cell phone while they’re in the shower, etc.

Such behaviors stem from a deep fear of abandonment. While breakups are hard for most people, ending relationships is much harder for people who suffer from anxiety.

Can An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Work?

People with avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often drawn to each other, because they are bonded through their childhood trauma.

Although you may genuinely love each other, if you haven’t healed from past trauma, then your individual pain-body wounds get activated again and again from each other.

This can have a disastrous impact on you and your relationship – especially as the avoidant behavior may trigger more anxiety in the other person, or vice versa. However, this doesn’t mean that it is impossible for partners in an avoidant attachment relationship to find success.

How Do You Deal With An Avoidant Partner?

The good news is that no matter what childhood experiences you or your partner have experienced, you can create healthy relationships.

In order to do so, both you and your partner will need to be committed to healing past traumas for the relationship to work. You may need to give your partner more space and your partner may need to push themself to look ahead to the future.

Over time both avoidant and anxious partners can become more secure in a stable relationship. Here are seven ways to deal with a partner with an anxious-avoidant attachment:

Give them plenty of space. If they need to withdraw, then let them.
Don’t take it personally. This isn’t about you.
Reinforce the positive actions that you like and tell them what you value in the relationship.
Listen and offer understanding. Be open to listening to your partner’s feelings and issues. The key thing is to listen to understand, not to fix a problem.
Respect your differences.
Set healthy boundaries and tell your partner what you need and what you won’t tolerate.
Seek support from professionals so you can both heal.

Learn To Bond Securely With Our Expert Love Avoidance Coaching

The thing to remember here is that your relationship can get better and you can manage and tolerate uncomfortable emotions while maintaining self-care. If you want help to move away from old patterns and create relational alignment and freedom, then contact PIVOT.

We are here to help you build healthier relationships by offering insightful relationship advice and guidance to individuals and couples. You can also learn to find happiness in your relationships in one of our in-depth love avoidance relationships workshops and retreats. No matter what your relationship struggles may be, reach out to PIVOT today!

The Impact Of Mental Illness On Relationships

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Issues with mental health can cause a great deal of pain in your social and romantic life. If you are living with someone with mental health issues, you may be at a loss at how to give them the love and support they need.

First things first, you can make the situation less stressful and draining for both you and your partner if you educate yourself on the effects of mental health on relationships. Whether you are dealing with anxiety in your relationship or feel like you are obsessed with your partner, reaching out to a professional mental health coach can be extremely beneficial.

While no two individuals or relationships are the same, there are some helpful methods that you can rely on to better help yourself or your partner if they are suffering from a mental illness.

How Does Mental Health Affect Relationships?

Most relationships experience their own challenges, but if one or both of the partners are struggling with mental health issues, these challenges can be exacerbated. This is because the mental illness of one partner can impact the mental health of the other, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, many individuals aren’t aware of their own mental health issues, and their partner may be oblivious to the fact as well. While conflict is a natural part of any relationship, excessive and overly dramatic arguments may indicate that there is a more serious problem at play which needs to be addressed by a qualified professional.

If you find that you and your partner are experiencing issues that you can’t seem to resolve no matter how hard you try, it is essential that you find guidance and support through coaching and other forms of relationship support.

Can You Date Someone With A Mental Illness?

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues. Luckily, more and more people are becoming aware of the fact that a great number of individuals across the globe struggle with one form of mental illness or another, and that dating someone with mental issues is something that many of us go through.

Relationships can be a great source of support to a person suffering from a mental illness. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to be in a relationship with a mentally ill individual, which can lead to a wide array of issues for both parties.

What’s more, the mental issues one person in the relationship experiences can negatively affect the emotional and mental wellbeing of the other, which creates a vicious cycle of pain, bitterness, and disappointment.

How Can I Help A Loved One With Mental Illness?

While mental health conditions come in a myriad of forms, there are some universal guidelines that you can follow if you wish to make it work with a partner who may be struggling with mental health:

Stay open minded
It is entirely normal to feel at least a little bit uneasy when you hear about your partner’s mental health issues. Still, if you care about them, try to keep an open mind and understand that your partner’s mental illness doesn’t define them.
Patience is key
If you are dating someone with mental health problems, you need to be prepared to see your partner in vulnerable states, whether they are manic, irrational, or lethargic. Try to be understanding and patient with them in these situations.
Educate yourself
The best way to handle your partner’s mental condition is to learn as much as you can about it. You should understand how their condition affects them and what they’ve learned to do to fight it.
Be a source of encouragement
Dealing with mental health problems is among the most debilitating experiences a person can endure. However, you should avoid expressing pity towards your partner. Instead, remind them how valuable they are, both to you and to the world.
Respect your partner’s boundaries
There may be times when your partner withdraws and refuses to show you their vulnerabilities. It is important that you don’t try to force them out of their shell, but be gentle and understanding until they feel better.
It is not your job to “fix” them
Even if your partner is suffering from a mental health condition, that doesn’t mean that they need somebody to fix them. Be there for them to show support, not to act as a mental health professional.

How Do You End A Relationship With Someone Who Has Mental Illness?

Unfortunately, not everyone can handle being in a relationship with someone with untreated mental health challenges, and that is completely understandable. Even if you deeply care about the person, the emotional toll of being in the relationship may simply be too great for you to bear. Leaving a partner with mental illness is not an easy task – you may feel guilt, shame, hurt, or anything in between.

If you’ve noticed that your relationship is getting in the way of your daily life or that it may compromise your safety, then breaking up may be the best option. We know how hard letting go of someone with mental illness can be, but staying in a relationship that is clearly painful will only make things worse, both for you and your partner. If you do decide to break up, do so kindly, honestly, and firmly, and try not to give them any mixed signals once the relationship is over.

Contact a remote relationship coach and find relief

Living with a mental health condition can be devastating, not only to the person struggling with it, but also to their family, friends, and romantic partners. If you have someone in your life who has mental health issues, finding the right kind of support can be of immense help both for your own wellbeing and the success of your relationship.

At PIVOT, we work with insightful coaches to bring expert guidance and advice to individuals and couples struggling with issues in their relationships. Whether you are struggling to deal with a partner who gaslights you or need help noticing love bombing techniques, don’t hesitate to contact us.

We are here to help you heal your emotional wounds and find happiness in your romantic relationships. At PIVOT, you can find professional guidance via our online coaching sessions or one of our intensive relationship workshops and retreats. Contact us today!

How To Spot & Stop Gaslighting In A Relationship

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Psychological manipulation comes in many shapes and forms. Gaslighting is one of them. This term is used to describe a manipulation tactic that shifts the power dynamic in a relationship with the aim of exerting complete control over another person. Gaslighting typically makes the victim question their own sanity and reality, which causes great confusion, hurt, and vulnerability.

If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to speak up and share your thoughts with a professional behavioral health coach. Not only would they be able to help you protect yourself from gaslighting, but they would also give expert insight into the dynamics of power and control in relationships, help you recognize love bombing while dating, as well as give you tips on overcoming symptoms of love obsession.

In this article, you will learn how gaslighting works, how you can spot it, as well as find out how to stop gaslighting in a relationship. Read on.

What Is Gaslighting In A Relationship?

At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It is a toxic relationship dynamic that forces the victim to doubt their own judgement, memories, and sanity. The purpose of gaslighting is essentially to exercise control over another person and inflict psychological damage on them.

It is an exceptionally malicious emotional manipulation tactic that often goes unnoticed because it makes you question your own thoughts and experiences. Anyone can become the victim of gaslighting. In fact, it can be a part of a romantic relationship, marriage, parent-child relationship, and even occurs in professional relationships. It is a widely used technique among narcissistic individuals and abusers.

How Gaslighting Works

Gaslighting rarely has immediate results. Its effects are typically gradual, slow, and extremely subtle, which makes it difficult for the victim to spot the manipulation, which precisely is the entire point of gaslighting. The victim would be likely to dismiss this isolated example of manipulation as a random occurrence if it happened over a long period of time, if they noticed it in the first place, whereas they would be more likely to spot the gaslighting if it was done in a shorter time frame.

Why Do People Gaslight?

Control and power are the main two reasons why people gaslight. Their need for exerting power and domination over another person tends to stem from a wide range of underlying issues, including antisocial personality, narcissism, and many other issues.

What Is An Example Of Gaslighting?

Gaslighting can come in a variety of disguises. At times, it may even involve the manipulation of the victim’s physical surroundings, although it is often exclusively verbal and psychological. Here are some common gaslighting techniques that you should look out for:

Countering: this tactic is used to question the victim’s memories. The abuser tries to convince the target that the certain past event occurred differently than they remember, often even inventing specific details about the event.
Denial: the abuser pretends that they forgot about specific events in order to cast further doubt on the target’s memory. They might pretend that they have no idea what the victim is talking about or deny making any promises to the victim.
Withholding: if your partner often refuses to listen to what you have to say or pretends that they don’t understand your concerns, saying things like: “I can’t sit here listening to your nonsense all day”, they are gaslighting you.
Diversion: the gaslighter will often try to divert the victim’s attention from the topic at hand in order to confuse them and avoid responsibility. They may turn the conversation into a fight over a completely different matter.
Trivialization: have you ever been told that you are far too sensitive by your partner? Did they say that after hurting you in some way? This is another common gaslighting technique that is used to invalidate the emotions of the victim.

How Do You Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You?

Gaslighting is a sneaky and subtle manipulation tactic. It may undermine your perception of events and reality itself, leaving you feeling dazed and confused, questioning your own sanity. Here are some typical gaslighting techniques you may be able to spot:

They lie to you without batting an eye, never backing down even if you have concrete proof of their deception.
They gossip about you and make you seem unstable in front of other people, which may make other people side with the gaslighter.
They invalidate your feelings and thoughts, claiming that you are overreacting or overly sensitive, or anything along these lines.
They always shift the blame to you, making you feel guilty and convincing you that you are solely responsible for the argument at hand.

How Do You Handle A Gaslighter?

If you suspect that your partner may be gaslighting you and want to protect yourself from the manipulation, try the following tips:

Understand the driving force behind the manipulation. Learn as much as you can about gaslighting. This will make you more alert and less vulnerable to their manipulative patterns.
Remember that you are not to blame for the gaslighting. The need for power and control is the only reason why your partner gaslights you. It has nothing to do with you, it comes from their own deeply rooted insecurities.
Keep in mind that you can’t change your partner. It is highly unlikely that you’d succeed in changing your partner’s manipulative ways. They need self-awareness and professional help.
Find support from other people. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can be of immense help if you are in an abusive relationship.
Work on your own self-esteem. Remember that the opinions of your gaslighter don’t define you. You are your own person, capable and worthy of love.
Consider breaking up. If the relationship is eating away at your confidence and happiness, it may be time to let go.
Seek professional help. An expert relationship coach can help you gain a new perspective and recover from the gaslighting.

Contact A PIVOT Relationship Coach & Regain Confidence

Do you feel stuck, hopeless, and deeply wounded because of your intimate relationship? You are not alone. Thousands of individuals across the world are victims of gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse.

If you need help dealing with a gaslighter or want to know how to cope with your partner’s mental health issues, then contact PIVOT. Our coaching sessions are carefully designed to help individuals and couples overcome their emotional struggles, and we also offer a vast array of intensive relationship workshops that may give you the tools you need to heal your wounds and start building healthier relationships. Call us today!

Obsession & Love: What Is The Difference?

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

At the start of a relationship, it’s easy to confuse being in love with obsession. There is a thin line between obsession and devotion, and most relationships tend to begin with feelings of heightened anxiety and insecurity, so this confusion becomes entirely normal.

Falling in love is risky – it requires a willingness to be vulnerable and let the other person into our inner worlds even though they may hurt us. Although these feelings of anxiety are a natural part of most new relationships, they can turn into love obsession, especially if one of the partners struggles with low self-esteem, attachment wounds, or other mental health issues that influence the relationship.

If you feel like you may be leaning towards obsessive behaviors in your relationships, know that you can change things for the better with guidance from codependency coaching professionals and a little bit of work on your part. Read on to learn more about love obsession and how it can be mitigated.

Can You Be Obsessed And In Love?

Every relationship has an infatuation stage. This is when one or both of the partners think about the other person somewhat obsessively and want to spend each moment with them. If the relationship is healthy, this infatuation will decrease in intensity over time, giving way to mature devotion and commitment.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. Instead, the infatuation sometimes turns into a full-blown love obsession, which entails controlling behaviors and an overly intense need to protect the “object of love”. In fact, the person experiencing the symptoms of obsessive love disorder may unconsciously control their partner as if they were nothing more than a possession.

How Can You Tell The Difference Between Love And Obsession?

The difference between love and obsession can be a subtle one. This is because obsession has been romanticized for centuries in literature and the media. Additionally, some individuals are extremely skilled at hiding their obsessive urges, expressing only those they believe they can get away with. Nevertheless, there are several subtle or not so subtle signs of obsessive love disorder that you may be able to spot.

What Are The Symptoms Of Obsessive Love Disorder?

In general, love obsession can be characterized by heightened feelings of anxiety and an extreme need for control in the relationship. Some other common signs of obsessive love include:

Moving the relationship forward too quickly
Experiencing and expressing overwhelming attraction to the person
Persistent obsessive thoughts about the other person
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
Wanting to protect the person from everyone else
Controlling behaviors
Problems accepting rejection
Constant validation seeking
Disrupted relationships with family and friends due to the obsession
Stalking and reading the person’s private messages

These are only some of the symptoms of obsessive love disorder. Keep in mind that this condition can manifest itself in many different forms, including manipulative behaviors such as love bombing, and often accompanies other mental health conditions, in which case it may be a bit more difficult to spot.

What Causes Obsessive Love Disorder?

There are a multitude of reasons why a person may develop obsessive love disorder. In many cases, love obsession is closely tied to other behavioral health issues, including attachment dysregulation, delusional jealousy, and more.

In general, love obsession and the attachment issues that cause it stem from our childhood experiences. Some of the childhood experiences that may lead to obsessive love disorder include:

Neglect: when a child is neglected by their primary caregiver or parent, they tend to struggle with forming secure attachments later in life. As a result of the neglect, they may develop insecure or anxious attachments, which may turn into love obsession.
Abuse: children abused by their parents or caregivers don’t feel safe and loved. Instead, their unmet needs stay with them forever, setting them up for attachment issues such as love obsession. They try to fill the emptiness inside them by obsessing over the love object.
Low self-esteem: if a person feels worthless and unlovable because of their low self-esteem, they will tend to seek validation and affirmation in their love object. They believe that this person will help fill the emptiness that they can’t fill themselves.

How To Overcome Obsessive Love Disorder?

If you are struggling with obsessive thoughts towards your partner, take a step back and ask yourself: “how is this affecting my life exactly?” If your love obsession is draining for both you and your partner, then you should take the necessary steps to improve the relationship in a healthy way. Here are some tips for dealing with love obsession:

Reduce or cut off contact
If you wish to save the relationship you’re in, make a conscious effort to give your partner some space. If you feel like it would be healthier for both of you to break up, cut off all contact with them.
Analyze your feelings
Try to determine what triggers your obsessive thoughts. Do they come up when you are lonely or feel rejected? This will help you better understand and control your impulses.
Focus on yourself
Love obsession can take you away from your true self. Try to shift the attention from your love object to a hobby of your choosing, perhaps something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time.
Find a healthy support network
Surround yourself with people who have your best interest in mind. They will help keep your mind off of your love object and give you a different perspective on the entire situation.
Seek professional help
If you feel like you can’t deal with your obsessive thoughts on your own, contacting a relationship coach is probably the best course of action. An expert will help you get to the root of your problem and finally heal.

Where Do I Find Good Intensive Codependency Workshops Near Me?

If you are tired of battling with your love obsession, it may be time to take that first step and seek help from a professional relationship coach. With their guidance and support, you will be able to understand and overcome your emotional wounds, which will in turn help you build healthier and stronger relationships.

At PIVOT, we offer expert relationship coaching for individuals struggling with codependency, love obsession, intimacy issues, and many other relationship problems. We also provide insightful relationship guidance in our workshops, where we help couples and individuals facilitate behavioral change. Contact PIVOT today!

How To Handle Relationship Anxiety Effectively?

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Lori Jean Glass

Uncertainty is intimidating. It’s also a part of life, especially modern, stress-filled, fast-paced life. That is why we all need a safe place where we can find some much-needed consistency and reliability. For many of us, the safe place is a person with whom we have a romantic relationship, someone with whom we are comfortable sharing our innermost feelings, doubts, and insecurities.

But what happens when the sense of insecurity is overwhelming and turns into anxiety? What happens when the very place that you go to for stability turns into dangerous ground? Just when you thought that everything was going smoothly in your relationship, it feels as though you’re quickly losing ground. You are suddenly face-to-face with huge issues with relationship intimacy caused by your or your partner’s relationship anxiety.

Can your relationship survive in spite of it? How can you overcome this relationship challenge?

How Does Anxiety Affect Romantic Relationships?

Anxiety can take various forms, from social anxiety to dating and relationship anxiety. Left untreated, anxiety can take a toll on a person’s ability to form close relationships with others, including long-term romantic relationships.

Unresolved conflicts which may date all the way back to your childhood may affect your current and future relationships, especially if you shy away from broaching the topic directly and discussing it with your partner at length. When individuals with social or relationship anxiety are in a relationship with someone who triggers old wounds, they are more vulnerable to gaslighting and similar manipulative behaviors such as love bombing.

Signs You Or Your Partner May Suffer From Relationship Anxiety

It’s fairly simply to recognize the common symptoms of relationship anxiety:

Having difficulty embarking on a new romantic relationship, pursuing a new relationship or lasting in a relationship due to unresolved personal issues, worries or concerns
Having extreme anxiety around physical and sexual intimacy
Heavy reliance on the partner for reassurance and inability to overcome anxious thoughts independently
Constant fear of conflict and passivity in situations that require assertiveness, such as having serious conversations with the partner
Constant fear of rejection and abandonment
Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when the partner is absent
Unjustified suspicions of the partner’s infidelity
Tendency to sabotage the relationship
Tendency to doubt long-term compatibility with the partner
Fears that the partner may want to leave them
Doubting the partner’s feelings and intentions

What Is It Like Dating Someone With Anxiety?

Doubt and confusion do not belong in a meaningful romantic relationship. Yet they manage to find their way into one, especially if one of the partners suffers from anxiety.

Having anxiety is like having a nervous feeling in your stomach (something like butterflies, but not the good kind) that hardly ever goes away. It’s hard to cope with it even if you’ve been living with it all your adult life.

You want the romance to work but you’re filled with a growing sense of dissatisfaction and frustration because you cannot wrap your head around your partner’s anxiety and its effect on your relationship.

Here’s the thing: your partner’s anxiety is not something you can or should try to fix. What you can do is learn to recognize the most effective methods to deal with their anxiety and show empathy, understanding, and support.

You also need to understand the hardships that frequently go hand in hand with relationship anxiety:

Emotional distress and exhaustion
Fatigue, lethargy, and lack of motivation
Stomach upset and other physical manifestations

Why Does Dating Give Me Anxiety?

If you have ever been shunned by another person in any other meaningful relationship in your life, you may be anxious to date, let alone start a new relationship. You may fear abandonment or fret over the possibility that someone may judge you or, worse yet, get to know you and not like what they see.

Relationship anxiety is often caused by unpleasant experiences with past partners, including dishonesty regarding their feelings toward you, infidelity, being misleading regarding the nature and future of the relationship, as well as if they ended things abruptly and without closure.

Understand that anxiety is a type of emotional baggage that you are bringing into a relationship, but that it does not define you. Learn to love yourself for who you are and seek professional help such as emotional intimacy coaching so you can learn to manage your dating and relationship anxiety.

How Do I Calm My Partner’s Anxiety?

The most effective method to help calm your partner’s anxiety is to address the problem in a frank, straightforward way. Another person’s anxiety is not something you are responsible for fixing, but you can help them get help and become proactive about overcoming it.

Understand that your partner may doubt your feelings for them not because of your actions but because of their condition. Try to provide them with reassurance that you are in it for the long haul, not only while the going’s good.

What Should You Not Do When Dating Someone With Anxiety?

Anxiety is an increasingly common disorder. The potential causes include:

Genetic predisposition
Personality traits
Emotional baggage
Underlying medical conditions
Underlying mental health disorders
Substance abuse

Here’s what not to do when dating someone who suffers from anxiety:

Do not assume that some light research on the internet will help you learn all there is to know about anxiety, as each individual with anxiety has specific triggers, symptoms, concerns, and issues: their experience of their own anxiety is unique and it will take time for you to understand what they’re going through.
Do not assume that their anxiety is about you and do not force them to share what caused it. It may take time for your partner to become comfortable enough to share what gives them anxiety.
Do not become overwhelmed by your partner’s stressors. You need to maintain strong social and emotional support systems of your own while being there for your partner, all the more so if you suffer from anxiety too. You are not their therapist.

How Do I Talk To My Partner About Anxiety?

Whether it’s you or your partner who suffers from anxiety, you mustn’t let the condition become the white elephant in the room. Discuss the condition and its repercussions openly:

If your partner suffers from anxiety:

In the majority of cases, your partner will experience constant insecurity and self-doubt. It is a burden they carry. What you can do is be understanding. Encourage them to seek help without contributing to their sense of guilt.

If you suffer from anxiety:

You deserve a partner who will understand your vulnerability and the debilitating effect of anxiety on your day-to-day life and your ability to function in a relationship. Do not discuss your condition openly with them from the get-go. Get to know them first. Remember: they are there to be supportive and help you manage your anxiety, not to fix the problem for you.

Can Anxiety Ruin A Relationship?

All mental health issues have the potential to ruin our relationships, and anxiety is no exception. Anxiety can have a serious impact on all our relationships: personal, social, romantic and professional ones.

In fact, anxiety can make forming a relationship a nearly impossible feat. The person is overwhelmed with a sense of isolation and a sense of dread at the very prospect of meeting new people, let alone finding a partner for a meaningful relationship.

A high level of anxiety combined with low tolerance to frustration can have a devastating effect on a romantic relationship. For one thing, the person with anxiety may constantly worry that their erratic behavior could drive the other person away. Whether this fear is irrational or not may not be relevant. As a result, they may decide to end things themselves just because they cannot bear the agony any longer.

The worst part of the problem is that it may take years and years for a person to admit they have a problem with anxiety and seek professional help because of it. Some people struggle with it their whole lives without ever seeking help or learning to overcome the condition. Although anxiety can be managed and kept under control, it often becomes so prevalent that the person affected feels powerless to stop the condition from running their life.

Helpful Strategies To Address Relationship Anxiety

If you’re in a loving relationship with a partner suffering from any form of anxiety, employ the following strategies to safeguard your relationship against its potentially detrimental effects:

Learn what you’re up against
Be patient and focus on listening to your partner
Anxiety can be debilitating: exercise empathy
Explore the potential triggers
Do not take it personally
Anxiety can be transferred: learn to mitigate your own
Do not accept the role of the therapist

Join Our Emotional Intimacy Coaching & Restore Balance In Your Life & Relationship

Don’t let anxiety win and wreak havoc on your relationship. If you and your partner have a good thing going on, you need to fight for it and learn to overcome your emotional intimacy issues and relationship challenges together. It’s time to make your happiness and wellbeing a priority, and it all starts with reaching out to professionals for help and guidance.

We may not know what tomorrow may bring, but we do know how to help you overcome your anxiety-induced fears and concerns, and face the challenges in your relationship through individual coaching sessions or grow as a couple through our couple workshops.