Many individuals fear commitment and will struggle with situations that require them to establish a long-term connection or obligation to another person.
People with commitment issues or commitment phobia experience great levels of anxiety in relationships. The commitment challenges they face can take a great toll on both parties in the relationship and often the only way to overcome these obstacles is to seek external help, whether it’s in the form of individual coaching or a dating problems workshop.
Read on to learn what commitment issues are, how they occur, and how you can deal with them.
What Are Relationship Commitment Issues?
In order to understand why you or your partner have commitment issues, you first need to know what commitment actually means. In the most basic sense, it can be defined as an obligation or bond to a single person, goal, or cause. Commitment phobia can affect all areas of one’s life, including their romantic relationships, friendships, and professional life.
It’s important to understand here that a person struggling with commitment issues probably craves to establish emotional intimacy and maintain a long-term relationship. However, the intense feelings they experience in the relationship may be more scary to them than to most people, making it hard for them to stay in the situation for long.
What Causes Commitment Issues In Relationships?
The roots of commitment issues tend to go back to a person’s early childhood. Oftentimes, an individual with commitment issues will have an avoidant or ambivalent attachment style. This means that the relationships the person experienced in early childhood, particularly with parents or caregivers, impacted their adult relationships in a way that makes commitment such a challenge.
Avoidant individuals tend to be wary of being vulnerable in a relationship and showing genuine emotion. This may be because they were hurt in a previous romantic relationship or the issue may go further back to potentially unresponsive or unavailable parents. Either way, a person with an avoidant style will likely perceive most people as unreliable and will go out of their way to avoid pain in their relationships.
Causes Of Commitment Phobia
Naturally, the exact causes of commitment issues will differ from one person to another. Nevertheless, there are certain factors that can influence a person’s commitment phobia. Here are some of them:
Intense fear of being hurt in a relationship, etc.
Of course, no two individuals will have the exact same background. As a result, commitment issues can manifest in a variety of different ways. While some individuals may struggle with even starting a long-term relationship, others will try to maintain long-term relationships only to sabotage it once their fears become more intense.
Dating Someone With Commitment Issues
Being in a relationship with an individual with commitment phobia can be incredibly stressful. If your partner has trouble committing and showing their true feelings, it’s only natural that you’d feel lost and confused in the relationship.
However, confusion and resentment may not always stem from commitment phobia. Determining if your partner has underlying commitment issues would require them to share their thoughts and feelings and that’s a tough deal for most commitment-phobes.
How To Tell If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues
If you aren’t sure whether your partner struggles with commitment, ask the following questions:
What were their previous relationships like? Typically, commitment-phobes tend to have a history of unstable and short-lived relationships. Also, if your partner has never been in a long-term relationship, they may struggle with commitment.
Have you met their parents and friends? A person with commitment issues may refrain from including you in their family life. If they aren’t sure that you are here to stay, they may not want you to meet their family and close friends.
Are they willing to plan ahead? If your partner only plans for a couple of weeks or months ahead but refuses to make any long-term plans with you, they may be dealing with underlying commitment issues.
Do they tell you how they truly feel? An unwillingness to open up and talk about how they feel about you and the relationships is a common characteristic of commitment-phobes, so look out for that.
What Do You Do If Your Partner Has Commitment Issues?
Dealing with commitment phobia is no small feat. If you‘re in a relationship with a person struggling with commitment anxiety, it’s understandable that you may doubt the relationship and contemplate leaving it.
While breaking up may be the best course of action in some cases, you should keep in mind that a commitment-phobe probably desires emotional intimacy but has no idea how to change their ways. Here’s how you can try to deal with commitment issues in your relationship:
Give them some space. While you may be afraid of losing your partner, pressuring a commitment-phobe is never a good idea.
Be patient. If they truly love you, they will realize that they want to work on the relationship, even if it may take some time.
Be honest and show them that they can trust you. Many individuals who struggle with commitment are simply afraid of being hurt.
Try to understand why they are the way they are. If you make an effort to be understanding and attentive to your partner’s needs, they will probably appreciate it.
Don’t forget to care about yourself. All of this doesn’t mean that you should put your partner’s needs before your own. If your partner doesn’t want to work on themselves, don’t waste all of your energy on trying to change them.
Seek professional help. Commitment issues can be hard to deal with. Sometimes, the best course of action is to reach out to experienced relationship coaches for guidance.
Let The PIVOT Advocates Help!
Reaching out to seasoned relationship specialists is often the best path to take if you’re dealing with relationship problems. Our knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates rely on a curriculum built over 15 years that we call the PIVOT process, employing effective methods and techniques to help individuals struggling with personal and relational challenges.
On the surface, someone with an avoidant attachment style may seem independent, strong, and self-sufficient. They may seem like they aren’t ruled by emotions and tend to stay above the drama. However, in a relationship, an avoidant partner may be more reserved, less vulnerable, and even self-protective. This can cause confusion and increase conflict. And, if you are the avoidant partner, you may feel stifled and even uncomfortable with intimacy, leading to romantic blocks and dissatisfaction down the line.
Despite the challenges of the avoidant attachment style in relationships, it’s important to remember that change and growth are always possible. A partner with an avoidant attachment style may desire love, but they may also have a deep (conscious or unconscious) fear of intimate connections. Understanding this pattern and its origins is crucial for both those with avoidant attachment styles and their partners. Fortunately, there are ways for these individuals to navigate connections and build healthy, authentic relationships.
Characteristics of an Avoidant Attachment Style
How Is an Avoidant Attachment Style Formed?
Attachment style describes how an individual attaches to others in relationships, including romantic partnerships. It is significantly influenced by the emotional bonds infants form with their earliest caregivers. People generally develop a secure and healthy attachment style if their needs are met in infancy and childhood. However, if early needs are met inconsistently or incompletely, they are more likely to form an insecure attachment style.
People with an avoidant attachment style in relationships may have had caregivers who were emotionally distant, inconsistent, or dismissive of their needs. There may have been overt abuse and neglect, or their parent may have been unskilled or unable to meet their needs.
It’s crucial to understand that this attachment style developed as self-protection. Recognizing this can foster empathy and understanding in those with an avoidant attachment style and their partners, paving the way for healthier relationships.
How Can You Identify an Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships?
Understanding how avoidant attachment affects relationships can prove extremely helpful for both partners. For the avoidant partner, it can be a valuable aid in identifying underlying factors and areas that need addressing. As for those who love someone with an avoidant attachment style, this knowledge can provide a fresh viewpoint. Having empathy and understanding for a person with an avoidant attachment style can help their partner approach the relationship in new, healthy ways.
Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships
Coping Mechanism
How it Affects the Relationship
May have a limited emotional range
Has difficulty expressing love and other emotions
Yearns for closeness but keeps partner at arm’s length
Partner feels rejected, unloved, or conflicted and confused
Values independence and self-sufficiency to a fault
Adopted as protection when the painful consequences of vulnerability occurred in childhood
Prioritizes work and personal interests
Though a healthy sense of autonomy and independence is beneficial, it may be used as insulation from the emotional demands of the relationship
Fears commitment
Vulnerability and openness may be perceived as threats
May avoid open displays of affection
May end relationships when they become too close or serious
Curious How You are Attaching in a Specific Relationship?
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Can a Person With an Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships Be a Good Partner?
The answer to this question is never black and white; like all things in life, it’s much more nuanced. In general, the success of the relationship lies in either the avoidant partner’s willingness to grow and adapt to a new dimension of emotional trust and safety or the partner of the avoidant person adapting their emotional expectations.
Avoidant behaviors (e.g., emotional withdrawal, commitment challenges, etc.) may have seemed protective in the past, but they normally do not benefit emotionally mature adult relationships. In fact, they often derail authentic connections.
Self-Awareness Is Key
The first step for someone with an avoidant attachment style to become a better partner is self-awareness. This starts with recognizing that while your survival patterns may have kept you safe, they may have also kept you lonely, disconnected, and unfulfilled. By recognizing avoidant tendencies and acknowledging harmful behavioral patterns, a person can begin to actively challenge them to “make room” for healthier emotional expression.
When an individual with an avoidant attachment style in relationships is ready for change, ideally, they will seek help along the way. A relationship coach can provide the scaffolding needed to make the heavy lifting possible. The right coach can not only help you or your partner revisit the past to identify the origins of protective behavior patterns but will also teach strategies for letting your guard down as you move forward. By opening up and expressing emotions in a safe space, it is possible to replace the coping mechanisms that have limited your relationship with sustainable strategies that forge secure and comfortable connections.
Overcome an Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships With PIVOT
If you or your partner are trapped in a love-avoidance cycle, know that change is possible. A PIVOT-certified coach will provide the support needed to change your approach if you tend to have an avoidant attachment style in relationships. With this foundation, you can open up and create the solid connections you want and deserve.
Through the PIVOT process used in our individual coaching sessions and at our Glass House attachment retreat, you’ll find a safe space to recover your self-esteem and unravel the emotional barriers holding you back. Our experienced team is there to guide you every step of the way, offering personalized coaching that caters to your unique needs and challenges. Call us today at 1-855-452-0707 to start the healing journey.
If you know your relationship needs help and you’re ready to get to work healing and moving forward, you may need skilled guidance to help navigate you and your partner through tough conversations. It can feel overwhelming trying to choose between a PIVOT relationship coach vs. a therapist, and we often get asked what the difference is. To help advise your choice, here is our guide to relationship coaching vs. therapy and the myriad of benefits coaching provides.
PIVOT Relationship Coaching vs. Therapy: The Key to Healing Your Relationships
PIVOT relationship coaching vs. therapy – what is better for couples? There is no right answer, they are just different forms of support! We work with therapists all the time, and we often have couples come to us when couples counseling isn’t giving them the results they want. PIVOT’s focus and approach are slightly different, offering couples a new perspective and another chance to heal.
The Unique PIVOT Relationship Coaching Process
The PIVOT relationship coaching process is unique because we work with each member of the relationship individually AND as a team.
At our retreats and personalized PIVOT sessions, we provide a relationship coach for each person, so both partners can process what they are learning independently. We then bring couples back together to work through their newfound knowledge as a pair.
This is extremely successful, because each partner has their own support person during the process, allowing for growth both individually and as a couple.
At PIVOT, our relationship coaches utilize the latest research and training to bring each individual in a relationship to the same level of involvement and attachment. We believe lasting change begins with better connections and that no one is an island; people thrive in community. That’s why our coaches establish a network of support for every couple who works with us.
You and your partner have access to the full arsenal of PIVOT education, behavior change methodology, research, and resources when you work with us. Every coach, facilitator, and alumni from our program will fully support you. Couples thrive knowing a whole team is helping and cheering them on!
A Coach For Every Person in the Relationship
Whether we are working with you and a partner or you and every adult member of your family, PIVOT believes true change comes from working one-on-one, together. We provide a relationship coach for each person at our retreats and personalized PIVOT sessions. This means you have time to work directly with your coach to get to the root cause of your maladaptive behaviors and decide on action steps to move forward in a healthier way. Your PIVOT coach acts as both your support and your facilitator during group sessions with your most cherished people.
Why More Coaches Means More Growth
Multiple PIVOT Relationship Coaches
One Relationship Coach or Therapist
Focused attention
Divided attention
Deep exploration of past trauma and trauma responses
Surface level identification of trauma responses
Individual support as well as a liaison for the other person
Acts as referee
Personalized action steps as well as group goals
Group goals, not individualized
Objective explanations of other’s behaviors and potentially flawed reasoning
Complete neutrality can prevent honest discovery
PIVOT Relationship Coaches vs. Therapists: The Difference Is in the Process
When struggling couples work with one relationship coach or therapist, the therapist is often put in the position of referee. It is their job to remain neutral and objective and not side with either partner exclusively. Because their time and attention are divided, either partner’s trauma is often explored only superficially. And, if one partner is struggling emotionally, the therapist has to remain neutral. We often work with couples who have struggled with this form of support.
With our PIVOT process, each partner gets their own coach. This means they can individually explore their traumas, feelings, and behaviors and show up to their couple’s session more stable and open to communication. And, relationship coaches act as facilitators for their clients. They can speak on behalf of their client (if the client wishes), try to communicate when their client cannot, and work with the other relationship coach to try to bring the couple back together. We’ve seen success time and again with this approach, because couples feel truly supported and heard.
Benefits of Working With PIVOT Relationship Coaches
Enhanced communication and deeper intimacy in relationships.
Increased resilience to better manage life’s stressors.
Customizable tools that help you be proactive in your relationships.
A PIVOT Relationship Coach vs. a Therapist Can Make All the Difference
The PIVOT process is customized for each individual and couple, providing high-impact solutions that empower you and your partner to realize rapid and long-lasting change. Our clients pivot from fantasy to reality, confusion to clarity, and isolation to connection.
If you are trying to decide how to utilize the services of a relationship coach or therapist, we can help. Reach out to start your journey to healthier, happier connections.Contact PIVOT at 1-855-452-0707.
If you struggle to communicate effectively, maintain healthy boundaries, or feel connected in your relationships, it may be time to try relationship coaching. Finding the best relationship coaching service for yourself can feel a lot like dating. There are so many options; how do you know who will be the best partner to meet your needs?
In this blog, we’ll guide you through the different relationship coaching services available and explore how to choose the best relationship coach to help you and your partner, colleague, or family member get back on track.
Finding the Best Relationship Coaching Service
Choosing the best relationship coaching service for you is all about deciding what you need, and how fast you want to see changes. Coaching sessions offer ongoing support and personalized strategies for steady improvement, while retreats provide immersive, intensive experiences designed to foster rapid, transformative change in a shorter period. Consider your schedule, the intensity of the issues you’re addressing, and your preference for ongoing versus fully immersive experiences to make the best choice for yourself.
Your relationship with yourself shapes every other relationship in your life. PIVOT coaching for individuals offers a high-impact, action-based, and personalized process to help you achieve the behavioral and relational changes you desire.
Maintaining healthy relationships with partners, friends, and colleagues requires intentional effort. Our relationship coaches guide you through the tough conversations, allowing you to have more balanced, meaningful partnerships.
Family is your first, and often longest, relationship. That’s why it matters so deeply how your family navigates the misunderstandings, addictions, grudges, blending of families, and more life will throw your way. Through intensive family relationship coaching, we can help you heal generational trauma, reunite family members, resolve rifts, and plan a clear path forward for stronger, healthier, connections that will last a lifetime.
Our executive relationship coaches craft winning strategies to foster immediate growth and healthy team relationships. We help you gain deeper insights into your brand and business goals, promoting a thriving, healthy, work environment.
If you’re ready to make lasting changes in your relationships, our Personal Growth Retreats at the Glass House in beautiful Northern California provide individuals, couples, and families with intensive relationship coaching experiences designed for all levels of engagement. We can help you achieve personalized and immediate results.
Maybe you went through the above chart and are still having trouble choosing between relationship coaching services. Don’t stress—there isn’t one right answer. The best relationship coaching service for you is the one that resonates with you the most, and that may look different for everyone. The most important thing is to find the relationship coaching service that makes you feel the most comfortable while addressing your past and current relationship challenges.
Turn to PIVOT for the Best Relationship Coaching Services
PIVOT has helped thousands of clients achieve lasting behavioral and relational change with our evidence-based relationship coaching method.
Check-ins between sessions
Flexible, personalized coaching plans (either in-person or online)
Certified, accessible coaches to help you create lasting change
Specialized retreats in Northern California
Actionable next steps and high-impact solutions for immediate results
Thousands of success stories
Over 15 years of experience helping people change for the better
Lasting change for more meaningful connections
We know that each person’s story is unique, so our PIVOT-certified relationship coaches personalize the process for each individual. Our time-tested process provides a clear path for connecting thoughts and feelings with positive actions. As a result, our clients receive customized tools they can use to realize immediate results and strengthen their relationships.
PIVOT offers the best relationship coaching services for individuals, duos, and families, including retreats and individual coaching sessions at the Glass House, in-person, or online. Call us at 1-855-452-0707 to begin the journey to healthier, happier connections.
Being given the cold shoulder by someone you love can feel devastating – and in some cases, it’s a form of emotional abuse. You send a heartfelt text and hours go by with no reply… you’re left spiraling, wondering what you did wrong. It’s confusing, isn’t it? One minute they say they love you, the next minute they won’t even text back. While it may cause anger and frustration, getting the silent treatment or feeling unseen can also shake your confidence and alter your self-image. If you experience negative psychological effects from being ignored, you are not alone.
Being hurt or angry when someone you love ignores you is natural, but it can also serve as a call to action. If you have difficulty maintaining your emotional health while being ignored, consider the benefits of a relationship coach. Relationship coaching can help you work through the negative effects of being ignored by someone you love and start the journey to a healthier, happier you. Additionally, prioritizing self-care is vital for managing stress and maintaining emotional wellness in this type of situation.
Read through our tips on what to do if you find yourself being ignored by someone you love.
When someone ignores you, you may start feeling unworthy, unimportant, or unlovable, especially if you are blatantly ignored by someone you care about. Whether it’s your partner, parent, or boss, it is entirely natural to feel hurt and confused when you don’t get the response you expect from them. It is common to feel bad in such situations, and it is essential to maintain your self-worth and self-esteem.
Although you are bound to feel hurt after being rejected or ignored, keep in mind that it’s not necessarily your fault. Remember that people have their own emotional struggles or be dealing with other personal problems which may cause them to act in certain ways towards you. You can only control what is going on with you and how being ignored is making you feel – you may not know the whole story behind why a person ignores you.
Regardless of the reason why, your worthiness should never depend on other people’s attention and opinions of you. Stop ruminating on why they are ignoring you and focus on yourself to start healing.
It’s Not In Your Head: How to Tell When Someone Is Ignoring You
You may be staring at your phone, waiting for a call. You may wonder if it is all in your head – are they just busy or are you really being ignored? You may feel gaslit by their hot and cold behavior.
Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings and make it difficult to recognize if someone is truly ignoring you. Learning about and understanding the other person’s communication style can help in recognizing whether they are truly ignoring you or just communicating differently than you are familiar with.
Being ignored may mean different things to different people. For some, it may mean no contact at all, while for others, it may mean feeling dismissed or invalidated. For others, being made to feel unimportant leaves them feeling like their core value is not recognized and their true self is being ignored.
Being ignored by someone you love may look like:
A person talking about liking/loving you, but acting cold and distant shortly after
Someone avoiding physical connection, eye contact, or intimacy
Someone you were intimate with in private ignoring you in public
A person refusing to have two-way communication with you
A partner ignoring or dismissing subjects that are important to you
A person distancing themselves whenever serious emotions happen
Feeling like your beliefs or point of view aren’t worth being heard
Conversations end when it is your turn to talk
Experiencing a connection, then being told the person wants space without explanation
Having to deal with challenges alone, even after asking for support
What to Do When Someone Ignores You
When a person is being ignored by someone that they care about, they might ruminate on how to win back the attention, or desperately try to figure out what they are doing wrong. They can find themselves flooded by self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a feeling that they must undo the silent treatment that they are experiencing. Practicing self-love as a vital coping strategy can help individuals recognize their worth and maintain self-esteem despite the emotional pain.
This puts people in a difficult situation—vacillating between trying to do the “dance” of winning back the other person’s attention and trying to avoid appearing clingy, needy, or desperate. They deeply want to talk to the other person and help them realize the pain that being ignored is causing but are afraid to be so expressive that it pushes their partner even further away.
You may find yourself “ignoring them back” to teach them a lesson. But, this dynamic leaves people in a stand-off of mutual hostility. Or, conversely, you might find yourself talking excessively with the person, desperately trying to communicate. If you can only find out what you did wrong, you can make sure it won’t happen again. You may think that a change in your behavior will affect the amount of attention they give you.
A person being ignored may find themselves doubling down on being a people-pleaser or flooding the person who is ignoring them with messages and phone calls. They often believe that winning back the person’s favor will ease the pain they are feeling.
The difficult emotions are directed at the particular person who is ignoring them, but it may be that the person being ignored is being triggered by older feelings rooted in early experiences of abandonment or neglect.
If you are being ignored by someone you love, you are probably looking for a way to deal with all the negative emotions that the silent treatment brings about. Here are some tips:
The Best Ways to Handle Being Ignored by Someone You Love
Take a step back
Your partner may simply need some space to collect their thoughts and deal with their own emotions. Give them time and work on yourself in the meantime.
Distract yourself
Find things to do in order to keep yourself from obsessing over the person who is ignoring you.
Check if they are actually ignoring you
The whole deal may simply be a misunderstanding or the person may be dealing with other personal issues.
Try not to overreact
Yes, being ignored hurts, but remember that the individual ignoring you may be trying to achieve exactly that. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Communicate
Your partner may have some concerns about the relationship that they are afraid to bring up. Try speaking with them without anger or bitterness.
Stay calm
Remaining calm and composed during interactions, especially when establishing boundaries, helps in effectively communicating your needs and feelings.
Setting Boundaries
Establishing clear personal boundaries is essential for self-respect and healthier relationships, preventing the pain that can arise from allowing others to cross those boundaries.
Seek emotional support
Friends and family can provide emotional support during difficult times, helping you cope with stress and maintain emotional wellness.
It’s Not Your Fault
When you are being ignored by someone you love, you often start blaming yourself. Did you cross somebody’s boundaries? Did you unintentionally hold someone at a distance? Did you have unrealistic expectations of a person? Did you flood them with needs, or front-load them with too much self-disclosure?
If the answer to any of these is “yes”, it can be quite an empowering revelation. Now you can self-examine and course-correct so that the circumstances you created that resulted in being ignored by someone don’t have to become a life-long pattern. The power is in your hands! Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected.
Recognizing the truth about your partner’s behavior is essential. When you understand their emotional availability and limitations, it can greatly benefit your mental health and strengthen your relationship.
You may think that realizing you pushed someone away might feel like a crushing blow to your self-esteem, but often the opposite is true. For many, these realizations mean that any future relationship you choose may quite possibly have different outcomes.
Sometimes, however, being ignored by someone you love has nothing to do with how you showed up and everything to do with another person’s limitations and challenges. When that happens, we can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out what we did wrong in the relationship. The impact can be very painful. It’s important to recognize that you’re not responsible for your partner’s behavior. Their actions are a reflection of them—not you
If being ignored by someone has repeatedly happened to you, self-reflection may be extra helpful. And, working with a relationship coach might help you delve deeper into this realization and come up with some solutions to solve it for the future.
Why It Hurts So Much When Someone You Love Ignores You
Being ignored by someone can create psychological stress, and can have a significant mental health impact. Psychological effects may look like depression, anxiety, an inability to spend time alone, losing a sense of self when your partner ignores you, or being flooded with feelings of anger.
Being around negative behavior can exacerbate the psychological stress of being ignored.
You may even find that your thoughts turn to obsessing over the person ignoring you, wondering what they’re thinking and doing, and trying again and again to figure out what happened.
Suppose the person ignoring you is someone you’re in a romantic relationship with or a family member. In that case, you may feel even more frustrated and angry because you believe a close relationship like that should follow certain “rules.” There should be open communication, and you should spend time together, right? These expectations often tie back to our attachment styles, which shape how we connect, communicate, and respond in close relationships.
This challenging dynamic could create conflicted emotions about the person and may even impact a person’s ability to feel safe and secure in other relationships. If you are in this situation, contact a relationship coach to begin processing and healing.
How Does Being Ignored Affect Self Esteem, the Brain, and Body?
In addition to the negative psychological effects you might experience after being ignored, it has been shown that the silent treatment can actually have physical effects on your brain and body that can make you feel uncomfortable and lead to various symptoms.
According to research, feeling ignored and excluded can cause real changes in your brain, particularly in the anterior cingulate cortex, a zone in the brain responsible for detecting pain. This area of the brain also does not distinguish between physical pain and emotional distress. When this zone is activated, you may experience several different physical symptoms. These may include:
Headaches
Digestive problems
Insomnia and fatigue
Increased blood pressure
Diabetes
Autoimmune activation
These physical effects are caused by the high-stress levels that you may experience after being ignored in a relationship. They may be exacerbated if you are subjected to silent treatment for prolonged periods of time or if the person who is ignoring you is a particularly important figure in your life, such as your parent, adult child, partner, or boss.
Additionally, extended periods where you have feelings of exclusion or neglect can lead to a heightened stress response and increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Chronically high cortisol levels can interfere with several bodily functions, leading to complications like increased blood pressure.
You may hear people who care about you say things like, “You need to move past this” or “You need to get over it.” Those sentiments can seem invalidating and dismissive when your body and mind are responding to stress.
Also, if you attach anxiously to your partner, you may have higher than normal sensitivity to any signs of rejection or abandonment. When you feel ignored it can trigger your underlying fears and insecurities and make you even more anxious and distressed. The perceived neglect can reinforce your negative self view and you’ll internalize the lack of attention as a reflection of your own inadequacy. So your self esteem can take a big hit as you’ll think you’re not deserving of love or attention. This negative self perception can create a cycle of seeking too much reassurance and validation from others and strain relationships and deepen your self doubt.
What Does It Mean When Your Partner Ignores You?
There are a million reasons someone you love might ignore you, and most of them aren’t personal. A relationship coach can help you understand your relationship better and decipher what their silence means. Various reasons such as fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, or communication challenges can contribute to this behavior, highlighting the complexity of the situation.
Here are a few common reasons why a partner might ignore you. Addressing these issues often involves communicating openly to build a foundation of trust and understanding.
Why Your Partner Might Ignore You
They don’t like communicating via phone
This simple explanation is actually more common than you may think. Many individuals don’t like or don’t know how to express themselves over the phone.
They are overwhelmed with other matters in their life
Although you probably want to be the focus of your significant other’s life, it may be the case that they have other problems in their life that have to be dealt with before speaking with you.
They need some time alone
Although you probably feel extremely hurt because your partner is ignoring you, you should consider the fact that you might be smothering them. Give them some space and see what happens.
They feel like you want something from them
If you tend to be demanding towards your partner, they may feel like you only contact them when you need something that they are not able to give.
They are poorly equipped to manage emotional intimacy
If a person is creating unexpected distance, especially if it’s during a phase when you are getting closer, consider that they may be challenged by emotional intimacy. The experience of emotional closeness may create anxiety in them, which causes them to push away.
There may be cultural considerations
Sometimes a person’s culture may have different standards about time spent together than our own. What may be culturally appropriate for someone may feel like ignoring to someone else.
They may be intentionally non-committal
As a relationship develops, it’s important to understand if you have different goals around commitment. A clarifying conversation may be necessary.
They may be considering a breakup
There’s no point denying that it is a possibility that your partner may be losing interest, or may not want to be in a relationship with you any longer. Try talking to them openly and see if there are any issues that you two should work on.
Is It Abuse When Someone Ignores You?
While there are many logical reasons why someone might ignore you, some individuals may use the silent treatment as a manipulation tactic.
The person who is ignoring you probably knows exactly what they are doing to your emotional state, and they might use this to their advantage, causing you to think about them more and be more vulnerable to the rest of their manipulation tactics. The silent treatment is often used as part of narcissistic abuse, hand in hand with gaslighting, deflection, stonewalling, and other abusive behavior. Someone with a narcissistic personality behave this way deliberately to manipulate and control, evoking specific reactions to assert dominance in the relationship.
In some cases, the person being ignored may be experiencing overt emotional abuse. This kind of hostile silence, withholding of affection, and manipulative avoidance can have profound psychological effects on a person. The person in this kind of situation may find themselves in a place of decimated self-esteem, or they may find their mental health suffers. If you are in this situation, reach out to a relationship coach to begin navigating your way out of the relationship and into a healthier mindset.
Transform Your Relationships With a PIVOT Coach
Being ignored by someone you love is painful, and you may need specialized support to get past it. A relationship coach can provide guidance through tough times, helping navigate emotional difficulties and respect boundaries. They can also teach you how to communicate effectively, which is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and preventing feelings of neglect and distance. You never know exactly why people are treating you the way they do, and it’s not your responsibility to waste energy trying to figure it out. Instead, focus on your own well-being and health, which will help maintain your self-confidence and personal value.
If you feel hurt or frustrated from being ignored by someone you love, you don’t have to go through this alone – our team is here to help 1-855-452-0707, or Contact us.
For some individuals, thinking about being in a relationship can activate feelings of wanting to run away. Why? Because they feel that the needs of a partner, family member, or employer are overwhelming.
Attachment theory explains the development of attachment styles, which are formed through early interactions with caregivers. Unfortunately, many individuals find themselves attracted to avoidant or ambivalent partners. These attachment styles can significantly influence adult relationships, often leading to a series of unhealthy patterns which cause a great deal of pain for both sides in the relationship. If this is the case with you and your partner, consider love avoidance coaching or intensive workshops which can give you the tools and resources you need to heal your attachment wounds.
Read on to learn more about love avoidance and ambivalence.
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What Is Avoidant Attachment?
Avoidant attachment is the inability and fear to show love. Individuals will carefully guard themselves when in relationships and avoid real intimacy… to protect themselves from rejection, loss and pain. Often they are not even aware of the behavior and it can be misunderstood as selfishness.
Unfortunately, denial and avoidance become habits, which keeps the individual from being seen, feeling connected and loved.
Paradoxically, the individual will often want more but will go outside the relationship to get what they want, because it feels safer.
The avoidant thinks first, then takes action, and then sometimes processes their feelings after the action. What happens next is sometimes regret, doubt, uncertainty, and/or confusion.
How Do You Know If You Have an Avoidant Attachment Style?
Do you think you or your partner have avoidance issues? That may be the case if you notice that you tend to be uncomfortable with intimacy in your relationship and have a way of escaping commitment when you start to feel stifled or suffocated.
If you worry your partner is avoidant, you may want to look for signs such as:
Not returning your texts or calls
Idealizing a past relationship
Sending mixed signals
Keeping secrets
Childish and sullen behavior
Showing mistrust
Escaping commitment
Of course, these are just some of the signs your partner may exhibit in your relationship. However, if you feel like most of these signs ring true, you may want to consider professional couple counseling or relationship therapy workshops.
Do Avoidants Fall In Love?
Despite the name, love avoidants actually crave love and affection, just like everyone else. However, they often exhibit insecure attachment styles due to their childhood wounds, making it more difficult for them to face disappointment and betrayal than other people. As a result, they tend to guard their feelings and do all they can to avoid being hurt in their relationships. They are not running away from love, they are running away from pain. In contrast, individuals with secure attachment styles are more likely to form healthy relationships and handle emotional challenges effectively.
Why Are Love Avoidants Attracted to Love Addicts?
Both love addicts and love avoidants often carry deeply ingrained fears and insecurities that stem from their childhood. On one hand, addicts crave affection and love that they rarely received from their parent or caregiver. Love avoidants, on the other hand, typically try to run from intimacy to avoid getting engulfed and hurt once again.
While the relationship may work initially, it is bound to come with its own set of challenges. As the love addict showers the avoidant with love and affection, the avoidant will inevitably start to pull away. The distancing of the avoidant will lead the addict to seek even more reassurance and affection as proof of the avoidant’s love. This cycle often repeats itself. This is what many refer to as a love addicted tango.
How Do You Deal With A Love Avoidant?
Being in a relationship with an avoidant partner can be extremely challenging, especially for a love addict. But despite the challenges, it is possible to create a deep connection with an avoidant, but only if they are willing to put in some effort, too. Here’s how you can improve your relationship with an avoidant partner:
Be patient and show your partner that they can trust you
Give your partner some space instead of chasing them
Keep in mind that their love avoidance is not your fault
Be understanding and dependable without overwhelming them
Learn the differences between the wants and needs for the relationship between you and your partner
Another way attachment shows up is if the individual is unavailable for intimacy. This means they are caught up in feeling anxious and also at times avoidant. This is the type of person that communicates “come here – go away”. This is known as being Ambivalent.
The ambivalent (or anxious avoidant) gets stuck in a prolonged cycle of thoughts and feelings, with little to no action. Freezing is the familiarity, even if it is painful, confusing, or exhausting.
The coping strategies that are avoidant or ambivalent which people use relate to creating an intensity in other activities outside the relationship, such as non-intimate sex, work, shopping, drugs and alcohol.
Among all of the attachment styles, ambivalent attachment seems to be the most chaotic. This is because ambivalent attachment tends to come from a childhood in which the parent or caregiver was inconsistent in providing love and affection. In another example- divorce between parents can create a separation and level of confusion for a child or adolescent. Imagine either parent sending completely different messages or signals to their children during their formative years and through their adolescence that conflict or are misaligned.
How Do You Know If You Have an Ambivalent Attachment Style?
Being ambivalent in your relationships or living with an ambivalent partner can be exhausting. If you’re worried that your partner has an ambivalent attachment style, look for the following traits:
Is your partner constantly critical or picky?
Do they have a history of short relationships?
Are they confused about what they want from the relationship?
Do they always seem distant or busy?
Are their actions unpredictable?
Are they hesitant to make long-term plans?
If you never feel sure of what your partner feels or thinks, it’s likely that you feel lost and confused about the nature of your relationship. If that’s the case, it would probably be a good idea to seek expert help if you want to salvage the relationship and improve your mental health.
Link Between Attachment Style And Depression
The Glass House Retreat helps avoidant and ambivalent individuals find their voice and use it.
When the avoidant or ambivalent behavior is defined and understood, it becomes a starting point to treat the underlying causes that create love avoidance. If this isn’t treated, then it often leads to depression.
When an individual has difficulty deciding whether to leave a relationship, this indecisiveness can lead to a combination of feeling anxious and depressed.
Why Is Attachment Important To Physical And Mental Health?
Avoidant and ambivalent attachment behaviors can significantly decrease the quality of your life, especially when it comes to your interpersonal relationships. In fact, the style of our attachment is a key factor in our physical and mental health. Here’s how:
The relationship with our caregivers will shape our intimate relationships and influence our adult attachment styles
Unhealthy attachment can result in difficulties with understanding our emotions.
In turn, we may struggle with relating to the emotions of other people.
Without healthy connections with others, we may struggle with anxiety and depression.
Our attachment style can make it hard to bounce back from disappointment and failure.
These attachment styles can affect adult relationships by influencing emotional behavior and partner dynamics. As you can see, your attachment style is a key factor in determining your personal relationships. Because of this, working on your attachment can be incredibly useful for improving your intimate relationships and overall wellbeing.
What Causes Love Avoidance and Ambivalence?
Individuals need love and connection with others. However, if you have suffered from feelings of abandonment or loss as a child, then you are likely to develop an insecure attachment style, which can lead to difficulty forming healthy attachments in adulthood, which can lead to avoidance or ambivalence.
Avoidance or ambivalence can also occur from experiencing abuse or neglect as a child from parents, siblings, other family members, teachers, coaches, bullies and friends.
If you’re wondering if you or a loved one has Avoidance behaviors, here are the most common signs and characteristics to look for.
Most Common Characteristics And Signs Of Avoidant Attachment
Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to exhibit a number of characteristic behaviors, including:
Avoid intimacy in the relationship by creating an intensity in other activities outside the relationship
Distance themselves from intimate contact to keep from feeling engulfed
Over-controlling parenting when young
Secretive behavior – hiding feelings
Need to be seen and adored and then escape
Refusal to acknowledge the existence of a problem
Tolerance for high-risk behavior
Denial that there is a problem
Most Common Characteristics And Signs Of Ambivalent Attachment
If you’re wondering if you or a loved one has Ambivalent behaviors, here are the most common signs and characteristics to look for:
They let other things outside of the relationship get in the way, i.e., hobbies, work, friends, lovers, addictions—anything.
Typically, they had one anxious and one avoidant parent attachment style
They have a “come here, go away” relational pattern
Crave love and fear it
Avoid intimacy by obsessing about love through romantic fantasies about unavailable people
They sexualize relationships such that emotional intimacy is non-existent and then become addicted to the sex or the relationship—often both.
They become addicted through romantic affairs rather than committed relationships
They struggle to open to a deeper level of emotional intimacy, and yet they are unable to let go of the relationship.
Can Avoidance or Ambivalence Be Treated?
YES!
The first step starts with being aware of and recognizing the symptoms. It is about healing yourself and being committed to being able to attach securely by knowing what you want and need in a relationship based on your personal storyline and background.
The process includes dealing with feelings and healing from past wounds. Healing allows you to reconnect to yourself with self-compassion and self-love.
We recommend that you seek support from professionals and talk about the pain that’s inside of you.
Remember, you are worthy of happiness and love and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
How can you deal with ambivalent or avoidant attachment?
Coping with their attachment style is a long and stressful process for most people. This is because we’re often unaware of the exact issues that stem from our relationship with our caregiver in our early childhood and finding out exactly how much it has affected us can be both eye-opening and terrifying.
The first step to overcoming your insecure attachment is to get acquainted with your past. Understanding exactly how you became the person you are now can help you accept and reconcile with your childhood experiences.
This is best done through professional therapy and attending different workshops and programs designed to help you improve your relationships and your overall well being. But if you want to take some steps on your own, here’s what you should do:
Start by identifying your emotions and expressing your needs without fear.
Strive to be as authentic in your communication as possible.
Combat your shame and work on your self-esteem.
Try not to criticize yourself and accept your flaws.
Work on compromising and seeing your partner’s perspective.
Of course, these are just some of the steps you can take to start on your path to recovery. In addition to these general coping techniques, you should also seek professional support if you want to improve your relationships and the quality of your life.
How To Overcome Insecure Attachment: Our Love Avoidance Intensive Workshops Can Help!
We provide support and healing for these individuals by providing a personal PIVOT coach or coming to The Glass House and taking a 5-day deep dive into the PIVOT process. We provide defining attachment styles, one on one sessions, group process and experiential therapies to encourage individuals to be seen, respected, and understood.
In addition, we offer intensive programs designed to repair and restore relational challenges. Learn more about the PIVOT process and our programs. We’re here to help.
Have you ever wondered why you fall head over heels for a new partner, go all-in on new friendships, or are a bit more guarded in how you approach these relationships? It’s all about your relationship attachment style! Take our fun, insightful, quick, 5-minute attachment style quiz to discover whether you have a secure, anxious, avoidant, or ambivalent style of attachment.
Attachment Style Quiz
Take this 5-minute attachment style quiz and then come back here to find out what your results mean!
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While You Wait For Your Results
After you’ve submitted your quiz and you’re waiting for those results to pop up in your inbox, check out these pages to learn more about the different ways people connect and how to develop the healthiest attachments.
Based on your quiz results, you may primarily identify as having a secure, anxious, avoidant, or ambivalent attachment style. Depending on who you’re with, you may attach using different styles. One attachment style isn’t necessarily better than another, However, knowing what attachment style you frequently use will help you understand yourself better, and you can begin to work on learning how to attach to others in a healthier way.
This is sometimes called an anxious-avoidant style.
You crave closeness but also fear rejection, leading to intense, fluctuating feelings.
Relationships feel like a rollercoaster, with high highs and low lows.
You’re highly sensitive to your partner’s actions.
You seek reassurance but sometimes push them away (creating a dynamic of uncertainty and mixed signals).
Get out of the “Come here – Go away” pattern
Get clarity from confusion
Not rely on other people to have the answers for you
Set healthy boundaries
Take action when it matters
Not worry so much about what other people think
Transform Your Relationships With PIVOT
Worried about the results of your attachment style quiz? Attachment styles aren’t set in stone—you can change how you approach relationships with the help of dedicated relationship coaches.
PIVOT offers transformative attachment style retreats to support you in building healthier connections. Join our small group workshops at the beautiful Glass House in Northern California to learn new attachment behaviors and begin fostering stronger bonds with your loved ones.
Prefer a more private approach? We offer personalized PIVOT sessions and relationship coaching for individuals, couples, or adult families to dig deeper into relationship dynamics. Our services are flexible, so you can work at a pace that suits you. We’re here to help every step of the way!
Reach out to us at 1-855-452-0707to begin the journey to a healthier, happier life.
A deeper understanding of yourself and your 
