Category: Articles

There are numerous reasons why becoming separated from your partner and dissolving your marriage or your relationship is stressful and emotionally draining. Relationship separation seems like the end, and that’s exactly what makes it so difficult to deal with. It’s not easy arriving at the end of the road with your partner. 

From there, you’ll have to deal with uncertainty about your future, as well as potential emotional intimacy issues in your future relationships if the separation remains permanent. And, these are just some of the hard-to-withstand emotions that stem from the point of separation. 

Even if you’re the one pushing for separation, you could still be grieving the breakdown of your relationship and feeling apprehensive about the future. Often the person who decides to leave the relatioship is thought of as not having any grief or sadness.  When a relatioshipi is unhealthy and someone needs to separate, it is not easy being the one who finally makes the decision to choose to go. 

However, relationships can often be salvageable. If you and your partner are willing to work through your separation at a couples relationship intensive, you might be able to resolve your differences and get back on the right path. If not, there are healthy ways to move on. 

What Does Separation Mean In A Relationship?

In a relationship, separation means that you’re taking a break, which may lead to a reconciliation or to a full-on breakup. It means that you and your partner aren’t currently involved romantically or physically, and that you’re taking the time to sort your own stuff out and think about your relationship. 

Either you, or your partner, or both of you are unable to remain fully committed to the current state of your relationship and you’re looking for a way to distance yourself from the situation you’re in. 

Separation in relationships may not be final. However, it may be a step toward a breakup or divorce. 

Becoming separated can be just as emotionally draining and damaging as breaking up with your partner or getting a divorce from your spouse. This is often a very difficult time for both partners. It doesn’t matter if you or your partner is the one who suggested you go down this road, the consequences can be severe either way. However, it can also be a form of emotional respite, which will give you a fresh perspective on your relationship. 

What Are The Things To Consider Before Separating?

Sometimes, only one person wants to separate. It can be as simple as your partner telling you they wish to consider other options. Or they may want a longer break from the emotional turmoil that has become your relationship. 

You may be the one who’d like to take a break from the relationship. Maybe you’re tired of being in charge of keeping your deteriorating relationship together and want to get some distance. If you’re thinking about separating from your partner, consider your options before you make a decision. 

6 Things To Consider Before Separation

Relationship separation is not a small step. In fact, even if you think it’s the best thing for your mental health, know that there are going to be emotional consequences and that you’re going to have to deal with a lot after you decide to get separated from your partner. 

Its important to make certain considerations before you actually say you want to separate.  Look at it as creating an emotional perseverance mechanism that will protect both you and your partner during this difficult time.

Understand Why You’re Going 

OK, you’ve had enough and you can’t take it anymore. Or you simply want something in your relationship to change and give both yourself and your partner some time to work things out and find a better way to show your affection. 

Whatever your reason for wanting a separation, you have to be honest about it, first with yourself, and then with your partner. Knowing the reason why will make it easier for you to put things into perspective, and doing the same for your partner will help them make peace with your decision. 

Know Where You’re Going

Knowing why you want to separate and what your plan is for after the separation helps a lot. This is particularly essential if you’ve been living with your partner since your routine will change. 

Are you going to move out or is your partner? If you’re moving out, where are you going to go? Do you have a friend or a relative who can take you in until you sort things out, or have you already planned your new residence? As pragmatic as it seems and perhaps detached from emotions, you need a roof over your head and that’s something youneed to prepare for. 

Talk Everything Through

It all boils down to this, doesn’t it? No matter what the situation in your relationship and no matter what problems you have, it’s best to actually sit down and explain your decision to separate. 

Imagine being in your partner’s shoes. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what the reasons for such a decision are? Being honest is good, and telling your partner exactly why you don’t want to be in the relationship for the time being can help both you and them start the next chapter in your lives on the right foot. 

Set The Rules

Setting the rules and boundaries during your relationship separation is very important. This way, both you and your partner will know how you can behave and what your separation will look like. This way, you’ll give yourself the time to distance yourself from your partner and actually figure out what you want to do from there. The same goes for your significant other, as they’ll also get a chance to see what they want from the relationship and if they want something at all. So, set the rules, set the boundaries, and understand it’s for the benefit of the both of you. 

Be Gentle

If you’re the one instigating the separation, remember to be gentle, especially if your partner is trying their best and they haven’t been abusive or violent. Going through a separation is hard for you, and just imagine how it’s going to be for your unsuspecting partner. So remember to be kind and gentle and to put your thoughts and feelings across mildly. There’s no reason to make it more difficult for anyone. 

Be Open To All Emotions

Even if you’re the one deciding to initiate the separation process in your relationship, you’ll still likely go through emotional turmoil. Even if this is something you wanted to do, it’s expected to feel negative emotions as well. 

Open yourself to all of your emotions and they’ll show you the way. Who knows, maybe you’ll start missing your partner and start the process of reconciliation, or you’ll realize what else you want from life and go down that road. Acknowledge your feelings and let them guide you.

What Are The Emotional Stages Of Separation?

On the other hand, if your partner starts talking about a separation, prepare for an onslaught of all the different kinds of emotions. At first, it’s easy to get completely overwhelmed with the situation and to fall into a downward spiral. You’ll probably experience separation anxiety and a whole range of negative emotions before you find your feet again. 

However, there are healthy ways to deal with the news. You can accept this as another opportunity for growth and a chance to see your relationship with fresh eyes.

7 Stages Of Separation

Although our emotional reactions are highly individual, there are some stages that most individuals go through after their unwilling and unexpected relationship separation. All in all, there are seven stages of separation: 

Denial

When a relationship steps into separation, it’s easy to feel denial in the beginning. After all, your relationship as you know it is ending which is highly unpleasant, and you may not want it to be true. 

Anger

Once you do realize that you’re actually going to become separated from your partner, it’s usually time to start experiencing anger. Anger because of the situation, because of your partner abandoning you, or because of any other reason you find important. 

Guilt

Once anger subsides, you’ll likely calm down and start thinking about all the things you might have done wrong and begin feeling guilty for the separation. Know that there are two people in your relationship and that in most cases, both people contribute to the challenges. 

Fear

The deeper your realization of your separation sinks in, the more afraid you might become of being alone and perhaps being unable to find a partner again if your separation becomes permanent. Face your fears, understand that separation is not the end, and even if it is, it’s not the end of your happiness. 

Grief

As the separation continues, you’ll likely become sad and overwhelmed by the entire situation. This is perfectly normal. However, know that you’re nearing the end of your separation period and that brighter days are ahead of you. 

Re-invention

This is the point when you’re starting to think more clearly and when you’re actually starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After walking through the valley of uncertainty and fear, you’re finally opening your eyes to the possibilities surrounding you. 

Acceptance

Finally, there comes a time when you accept your situation, pick yourself up, hold your head up high and move on with your life. For some, acceptance may come sooner, for others it may come later. The important thing is that it will come, just you wait for it. 

PIVOT’s Here To Help You Understand Relationship Separation & Emotional Stages Of Separation

Separation hurts, even if the relationship or the marriage was not emotionally fulfilling. First, any kind of separation causes a whirlwind of various emotions that you first have to deal with before learning how to actually cope with your separation and finding ways to recover from all the separation-induced resentment. 

Long story short, breaking up is rarely a pretty sight and an easy endeavor, and separating from your partner will take a toll on your life. However, what’s important to know is that it’s not the end and that you’ll start feeling satisfied again. If you notice you’re struggling to get there, you can rely on the professionals at PIVOT for assistance. 

We have assembled a team of caring, empathetic, and experienced relationship advocates who can help you deal with the aftermath of your separation at our individual workshops or maybe help you and your partner find common ground again at our couple retreat. Whatever your choice is, know that we’ll do everything in our power to help you. 

Trauma often refers to an overwhelming experience or an emotionally draining event, one that leaves a lasting impression on a person. There are different types of trauma a person can experience, including childhood, developmental, bonding, emotional, and many others. The one thing that connects them all is the feelings they plant deep within us. 

Trauma, no matter its type, can cause intense anxiety and stress and it can leave a long-term substantial impact on our wellbeing and our quality of life. This makes it essential to understand what trauma is, what causes it, where and when it originates, and, most importantly, what you can do to heal and overcome it. 

What’s more, not talking about and seeking help for your trauma can lead to developing varied emotional intimacy issues later on in your life, such as avoidance and insecurity, making it even more important to understand what trauma is and to do your best to resolve them. 

What Is Emotional Trauma?

Psychological and emotional trauma is the result of experiences or events that leave us with the feelings leading to a deep lack of safety, protection, and often helplessness. This kind of trauma can shatter your sense of security leaving you unable to successfully cope with the turmoil that ensues. 

Another aspect of emotional trauma is the repetitive nature of the events that caused it. The memories can replay over and over again, causing feelings of numbness, disconnection, anxiety, as well as the potential for trust issues toward other people. 

And, the old trauma wound can get activated when you experience a situation that brings about the same feelings that were planted deep within us.

Physical symptoms often accompany psychological ones after sustaining trauma. Individuals can experience nightmares, chronic insomnia, general physical unease, as well as an array of other unique symptoms. Emotional trauma creates an all-encompassing problem that can alter an individual’s entire outlook on life for very long periods of time if left untreated. 

What Causes Trauma?

The first thing that’s important to note is that any experience or event that causes intense or extreme negative emotions can lead to a complex trauma developing. There’s no prerequisite that a person has to be involved in the event themselves. Merely witnessing, hearing, or watching a disturbing event can trigger emotional trauma. 

Traumatic events are entirely based around your subjective emotional reaction to a distressing experience. There’s no single definition of which events can and which ones cannot lead to its development. That’s what makes it very difficult to name all the different causes for it. 

3 Causes Of Trauma

Even if it’s extremely difficult to precisely determine and list all the potential causes, looking into some of the most common ones can speed up healing and help in overcoming traumatic experiences. There are three main triggers: 

One-Time Events

This category of trauma triggers refers to typically events that happen only once and left significant emotional scarring. What they have in common is that they cause a strong emotional response. Some of such events are: 

• Violent attacks
• Serious injuries
• Severe accidents
• Natural disasters

Relentless Stress

Ongoing and severe stress you experience on a daily basis can easily cause trauma. However, it can be easy to confuse constant stress with stress all of us feel at one point or another in our lives, mostly due to a tough day at the office or an unexpected change of plans. Constant stress, however, stems from events such as: 

• Living in a neighborhood ridden with crime
• Battling an illness threatening to take your life
• Experiencing long-time traumatic events such as childhood neglect, abandonment, domestic violence, or bullying

Overlooked Causes

There are also some causes that people often ignore. However, this doesn’t diminish their significance or potential for emotional turmoil. They’re just as serious as one-time traumatic events and relentless stress, causing equally serious consequences. This refers to: 

• Surgery
• Sudden death of a loved one
• Dissolution of a marriage or relationship
• Deeply humiliating and disappointing experience

What Are The Symptoms Of Emotional Trauma?

Many people experience both strong emotional and physical reactions after going through a traumatic event. In the majority of cases, negative feelings slowly dissipate across the span of a few days or a week. However, you may continue experiencing adverse symptoms, which creates long-lasting difficulties. 

The symptoms are just as diverse as the causes, making it difficult to list all of the psychological and physical manifestations of traumatic events. However, it’s possible to name the most common ones that individuals have trouble with: 

• Mood swings
• Feeling confused and disoriented
• Having trouble concentrating
• Having flashbacks to the traumatic event
• Having nightmares
• Thinking about the event all the time

• Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
• Withdrawing from others
• Avoiding places and activities that trigger memories about the event

Some people’s reactions may be so severe that they start having panic attacks, intense bouts of anxiety, fits of anger, escape into addictions or self destructive behavior, episodes of deep depression and overwhelming fear.

What Are The Causes Of Childhood Trauma?

Traumatic events can happen to anyone at any age and at any time, making trauma a very common occurrence. However, a person is most likely to experience trauma as a grown up if they’ve also experienced traumatic events during their formative years. 

This is why it’s important to have a sense of understanding of what causes childhood trauma and attempt to detect whether an individual has sustained such an event in their early years. Most of the causes of childhood trauma are similar to causes of later-life trauma. However, there are some additional factors to consider as well, such as: 

• Parental and emotional neglect
• Domestic violence between the parents
• Verbal, physical, and sexual abuse
• Intrusive medical procedures at a young age
• Serious illness
• Parents’ divorce
• Caregivers abandonment and/or death
• Unsafe or unstable environment
• War
• Kidnapping

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma?

Overcoming, recovering from, and healing from emotional trauma can be very difficult. Also, it requires a conscious effort and a true desire to deal with the traumatic experience. The last point is crucial, as not everyone’s ready to go back to a traumatic point of their lives and face the very thing that’s caused them so many problems. 

4 Ways To Recover From Emotional Trauma

However, where there’s a desire to recover, there’s also a way to heal the wounds and get back on your feet again. However, remember that the road to recovery is long and hard and that it’ll probably take you through several steps, like: 

Support Acceptance

First and foremost, remember to admit your traumatic experiences and accept all the love and support your closest friends and family have for your and your situation. While you can choose to heal alone, you may find you need the emotional support of others, so embrace it. This can help you through the rough patches. Accept the help and love from those who care about you.

Finding Help

Not all methods work for all people, so it’s important to find the type of professional help that works for you. Some individuals attend group therapy, as it helps them to share their experiences and hear the experiences of others, while others prefer individual sessions with an experienced person. 

Connecting

Try not to shy away from other people and retreat into yourself. Instead, when you think you’re strong enough, go out and connect with others. And you don’t even have to talk about your trauma, just talk to your friends and family and other people close to you. Shutting down is not helpful on a journey to healing. Use discernment on who is safe for you to be around.  Using the PIVOT circle boundaries is extremely helpful in this situation.

Taking Breaks

Finally, remember not to push yourself. If you get tired of trying to heal, take a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t overwork yourself. Listen to your body, your heart, and your mind. If you notice you’re getting tired of your journey, take a break and focus on something else before returning to it. 

PIVOT Helps Detect, Resolve & Overcome Emotional And Childhood Traumas And Deal With Emotional Intimacy Issues

Dealing with emotional, childhood, and relationship trauma is incredibly hard and it’s one of life’s most difficult experiences, right alongside dealing with the burden of relationship or marriage separation and making the difficult decision to go through with your divorce. When love hits hard, it hits the hardest. 

However, where there are numerous ways to cope with your divorce and where there’s ample opportunity to recover from your relationship resentment, there’s also a way to deal with your emotional and childhood traumas successfully. All you might need is a gentle nudge in the right direction. 

This is what PIVOT can help you with. Our expert relationship advocates are here to assist you deal with the emotional turmoil with our individual workshops, or grant you another chance of delving deeper into joint emotions with your partner at our couple workshops. Reach out to us today and know that we’re here for you!

Most people desire things that are out of their reach, and it’s no different with romantic relationships. People who are unattainable often spark others’ interest. They’re hard to get and many people enjoy the chase. This attraction may even verge on obsession because the chase gets more and more intensified the more the object of your affection slips away.

An unavailable person may exhibit love avoidant characteristics, they could be in a relationship, or they might not be interested in pursuing a committed relationship at all. Either way, being attracted to someone you can’t have can be deeply hurtful, especially if this is a repeating cycle. Therefore, it’s important to discover why you are attracted to unavailable people, and how to break the pattern.

Does Being Unavailable Make You More Attractive?

Do you find yourself longing for people who slip out of your grasp? Are you more intensely drawn in the more they pull away? Do you crave deep intimacy but settle for emotional unavailability in a relationship? This is more common than you may think.

While not everyone will experience this, some people consistently gravitate toward those who aren’t interested in their romantic advances. They keep pursuing the same kind of partner, despite knowing that the chances of an actual relationship are slim.

This causes us to wonder if being aloof or unavailable makes one more attractive. Some may even take advantage of this by making themselves appear unavailable in a game of hot and cold.

Why Are Unattainable People Attractive?

Some people find themselves constantly falling for people who are either not interested, in another relationship, or non-committal. Here are a few reasons why it may happen:

• The challenge: Most of us want what we can’t have, so the fact that something’s elusive often makes it irresistible. The desire to prove that you can win someone over may put you in an unhealthy loop. You scramble to make them notice you, you receive some attention that gives you a temporary high, and then you repeat the cycle. The real goal here isn’t to win the partner, it’s to prove that you CAN win.
• A drive to be chosen: Being attracted to someone who is unavailable because they are already in a relationship can be fueled by a compulsive drive to be preferred, prioritized and chosen. A person can even build their self-worth on whether or not the object of their affection leaves another partner for them. This can become an emotionally unhealthy and uncontrollable way to build self-worth.
• The mystique: People are captivated by the unknown, including in romantic relationships. Since the person doesn’t fully give in, there’s a part of them that remains out of your reach. You may be initially attracted by the rush of the unknown. This can have a powerful effect on you, keeping you enthralled and wanting to know more.
• Deep-seated insecurity: In a way, it’s safe to have a crush on someone you can’t have. You might self-sabotage your love life by choosing to fall for unavailable people. This saves you the shame and humiliation of rejection because you already know that the relationship can’t develop.
• The potential to idealize: Since the person maintains a distance and you can’t get to know them well enough, you’re free to fill in the blanks any way you want. People generally tend to see their crushes through rose-colored glasses and if the person is unavailable, then you don’t get to know them enough to stain the idealized version with real human flaws.
• The excitement of the chase: When someone keeps you at arm’s length, whether consciously or not, this may push you to compete for their affection. Some people see this as a type of dare, where they need to persist against obstacles, which amps up the excitement. If you’e won the commitment you think you want, you may find yourself bored now that the challenge of the pursuit has ended.

How Do You Know A Person Is Emotionally Unavailable?

Someone who isn’t emotionally available will usually act a certain way, including:

• Being standoffish at times 
• Giving lukewarm responses to your attempts at getting closer 
• Not wanting to open up and talk about their feelings
• Being unwilling to share anything too personal
• Being uncomfortable or now knowing how to respond to your vulnerability
• They respond to a deepening relationship by wanting more alone time
• They seem annoyed or disgusted (rather than shy or reserved) with feelings talk
• They give intermittent reinforcement (emotionally connect at times and withhold at other times)
• They have a relational history of not committing fully
• The emotional connection they want does not match how physically close they want to be.

These people are generally uncomfortable with their own emotions an reluctant to share their feelings with others. Someone may act this way consistently, across all of the relationships that they have. On the other hand, people are sometimes simply not interested in pursuing a deeper connection, so they could be behaving like this because they don’t find you compatible.

Why Do I Gravitate Toward Emotionally Unavailable Partners?

If being drawn toward emotional unavailability is an old habit for you, the origin could be rooted in early age. Sometimes, your emotionally unavailable past relationships include those deep in your history, such as those with parents or caregivers. If your emotional needs weren’t met well, you may have not developed the skills to curate emotional intimacy with available, consistent partners.

Even when this pattern this makes you feel anxious or leaves you struggling with low self worth, you may find yourself drawn to the degree of emotional availability that is most familiar to you. This is true EVEN when this causes emotional pain, and even when doing so has left you badly hurt in the past.

If your parents were sometimes there for you emotionally, and at other times they weren’t, this is called intermittent reinforcement. It means that emotionally, your needs were met inconsistently. This can leave someone emotionally confused about how to seek secure partners.

If you’ve asked yourself “why am i attracted to unavailable woman?”, “are emotionally unavailable men all that’s out there?” or “do I even deserve love?”, then the pattern may be old.

You might be afraid to fully trust out of fear that you’ll be rejected or abandoned. The struggle between protecting yourself from this fear and longing for emotionally present romantic partners may leave you utterly lonely if you don’t recognize the attachment issue.

Why Do Emotionally Unavailable People Feel Safe To Me?

We think of being attracted to emotionally unavailable partners as being inherently negative, but it could be a psychologically protective strategy. The flip side of this, though, is that these relationships perpetuate feelings of disconnection and lonely emotions.

If the painful emotions of relational trauma took root at a very early age, then choosing an emotionally unavailable partner may be a way that you try to wall yourself off from the potentially painful feelings of a real relationship.

The risk of pain lowers if your true self is never accepted, and therefore never rejected, abandoned or hurt. An emotionally unavailable person may feel “safe” in this way, even though the relationship dynamics leave you unsatisfied.

It takes time to learn how to choose partners differently and slowly grow trusting relationships. If we don’t, however, we’re prone to repetition compulsion, and may find ourselves wondering why each successive emotionally unavailable person fails to solve our low self esteem, and why we continue on loving someone unavailable.

Are They Emotionally Unavailable Or Slow To Connect?

Sometimes we can mistake slow and cautious connection for emotional unavailability. But how can we tell the difference?

If someone is slower than you to self-disclose personal details, that is not necessarily a red flag. Somebody may have different pacing than you do, or build intimacy more gradually. Slowing the roll doesn’t always mean that they have a fear of commitment.

A red flag may look like a person who refuses to self-disclose personal information, or who says that they don’t plan on self-disclosing, period. In this kind of red flag example, an emotionally available person may say something like “in time, I’d like to share that with you.” Emotionally unavailable people may say something like “I don’t want to talk about that. I’m not looking for anything heavy.” Do either of those sound familiar?

A partner may also struggle to be vulnerable for reasons that are personal to them. Being vulnerable is a process that looks different for everyone. Being afraid to connect emotionally, and moving slowly, may not mean that they are emotionally unavailable.

If you find that you tend to over-disclose a lot of personal detail, expect a partner to be emotionally connected quickly, or despair at the first sign of slower pacing, then you may need to look at how your craving for attention may be better served by a healthy dose of self love.

If your own fear has caused you see a partner’s autonomy as a red flag, then perhaps you aren’t attracted to emotionally unavailable partners. Maybe your expectations have gotten in the way of living fully in an emotionally developing relationship.

Clear communication about yourselves and relationship goals is key.

How Do I Stop Being Attracted To Emotional Unavailability?

Since it doesn’t typically lead to a fulfilling relationship, being attracted to emotional unavailability can be a part of an unhealthy pattern. Here is what you can do to overcome it:

• Get to the root cause of the problem: Recognize the main driving force behind your attraction to unattainable people. For example, you may realize that you prefer infatuation to an actual relationship or that your childhood wounds prevent you from giving a chance to a more available person.
• Reassess your notions about romance: Once you’ve identified why you’re choosing partners the way that you do, you can work on changing your perception of romance. For example, you could evaluate the list of things you look for in a partner and decide to give different kinds of people a chance.
• Try things you wouldn’t have tried before: Expose yourself to new experiences and people. Learn how to get out of the comfort zone of the familiar in other areas of your life to create more flexible thinking.
• Discern intuition from pattern: If you feel drawn to someone, ask yourself if it’s because they are truly a good fit for you, or if you’re repeating a familiar cycle. This self awareness can be an important step toward change. Think about whether they could be a dependable partner instead of going after what you impulsively want in the moment.
• Allow yourself to feel loved: Running after an unavailable person may leave you drained emotionally. Also, many people who are attracted to unavailability equate romance with withheld affection. To overcome this, you need to rewire yourself to look for reliability, support, care, and partnership.

Who Can Help Me Stop Choosing Emotionally Unavailable People?

Being drawn to emotionally unavailable people can stop you from being able to enjoy a relationship completely. When it comes to choosing partners, you may subconsciously feel safer with unavailable ones, but your emotional needs pay the price. We can help.

At PIVOT, we work to help our clients understand the cycles they’ve been stuck in so that they can learn to choose, cultivate and enjoy relationships that are emotionally rewarding. Being drawn to emotionally unavailable people doesn’t have to be a life-sentence. Change is possible.

We can also shed light on many other issues, like how to recover from a breakup and get a fresh start, how to know whether you’re ready to commit and tie the knot, or how to have a better relationship with your partner’s friends.Take part in one of our coaching sessions for individuals to work on your specific issues or make reservations for our couples retreat to grow with your partner. Let us know what type of personal growth you’re interested in and let’s get started!

There’s no such thing as a strong person or a weak person. We’re all weak and we’re all strong. We all cry and we all smile. No one is universally just one thing and the world and the people in it are not divided into mutually exclusive categories. There’s more to each person than a single trait or a single occurrence of that trait.

However, your inner strength is not something to neglect – it’s something to actively develop. It can help you deal with numerous hardships in life, from personal and professional difficulties to preventing or dealing with relationship avoidance and withdrawal. Inner strength can mean the difference between independence and codependence, personal support and neglect. 

How can you detect and develop your inner strength? What can you do to foster it? How can your inner strength enrich your life? First, take the time to explore what exactly inner strength is, how it manifests itself, and how you can harness its power. 

What Is Inner Strength?

Different definitions of inner strength mainly focus on emphasizing self-discipline, resilience, tenacity, assertiveness, and, most of all, courage. However, this kind of categorization is too binary, too exclusive, and far too unfair to all those people who fight to remain on top every single day.  Some individuals with complex trauma in their lives develop what we call survival patterns and often get confused about what inner strength is. 

Inner strength is not simply courage, or tenacity, or fortitude, or any of those buzz words that denote a classically strong person capable of tackling challenges head on without breaking a sweat or personality. No, that’s not what we’re talking about. Not by a mile. 

Inner strength is trying to keep it together when you’re falling apart. Inner strength is dealing with the difficulties of the day and coming back to yourself, partner or family able to pivot. Inner strength is admitting your defeat and asking for help. Inner strength is admitting mistakes and trying to be better for them. 

Most importantly, inner strength is failing and being willing to try again. And again. And again. It’s being brave enough to display your strength as well as your weakness. It’s giving people the best of you as often as you can. 

It’s showing empathy, mindfulness, love, compassion, gratitude, generosity, openness, and a shoulder to rely on. Inner strength is what makes us want to be better human beings, better friends, lovers, partners, and coworkers. It’s what makes the world a better place. 

How Can Inner Strength Help Me?

Inner strength is what keeps you going. Even through tough times. Even through horrible, difficult, unimaginable times. This is how inner strength helps us all – by giving us the will, strength, and desire to go through the challenging moments life throws at us and come out on the other side stronger for having been through them. 

Inner strength also allows you to keep believing in yourself, even when others don’t. And it’s inner strength that gets us through the uncertainty and restlessness that life brings. It helps people deal with everything that they’re going through, especially the tough times. It also helps you share the good things without the fear of being misunderstood. It helps spread kindness and support and care. It helps you be who we are without holding back.

How Do I Develop My Inner Strength?

Inner strength is not something we are all born with, a badge of honor that separates the weak from the chosen. The mere fact that the term carries the word “strength” in it can cause people to feel bad and ashamed for showing weakness or emotions. 

As explained, inner strength is a lot more than that, and not that at all, and you should never feel anything other than proud for having the willpower for dealing with the tough times in your life. 

However, inner strength is also something you can work on and enhance. Here are some of the strategies you can use to develop your inner strength, especially when you’re not feeling that “strong”:

• Develop empowering rituals that can help you feel better about yourself during the days you’re feeling down. 
• Be aware of all the difficult choices you’ve made so far in life and understand that you were strong at various points without even realizing it. 
• Discover what kind of purpose you want to have in your life and what kind of trace you want to leave with the action you take. 
• Try not to think in “should’s”, but rather in “can’s”.
• Don’t be stuck in past situations you falsely find disempowering. Focus on the empowering future that awaits. 
• Learn more about yourself through professional coaching sessions and break free from negative thought and behavioral patterns.

Find Your Inner Strength With PIVOT & Put A Stop To Relationship Avoidance And Withdrawal

If you find yourself unable to break a bad relationship pattern, or if you’re constantly trying to avoid potentially unpleasant situations in your relationship, you could lack the inner strength to tackle those issues head on and transform your romance. Realizing you’re currently unable to take proper action and take matters into your own hands can be very emotionally draining. 

However, don’t despair and don’t surrender to a multitude of negative emotions. You are strong and you are capable. You just might need a little assistance to nudge you in the right direction toward your hidden strength. Luckily, you can always rely on a caring and respectful partner that is always on your side – PIVOT.We are a retreat that organizes different types of workshops designed to help you and your partner successfully navigate the sometimes-difficult moments in your relationship. Our thoughtful and respectful advocates can help you through a restorative and supportive individual workshop or by organizing an understanding and helpful couples workshop. Call us today!