Articles Archives

10 Essential Dating Tips To Create Healthy Relationships

Posted on June 23, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Dating plays a vital role in creating long-term relationships. After all, dating is a great opportunity to get to know someone new and see if you’re a good fit together.
Before you start dating, consider if you are ready for a relationship. Just because you want a relationship, doesn’t mean you’re ready for one.
Ask yourself: “Am I ready for a relationship?”
Make sure you know what you’re looking for in a potential partner and that you’ve resolved or healed from past relationships.
So, if you’re ready to start dating effectively, we suggest you work with a PIVOT advocate to complete our dating module called Dating with a Purpose! As a starting point as you consider finding the right person for a healthy relationship, the following dating tips will help you get started.

10 essential dating tips to create healthy relationships

1) Choose the right place to meet

To be able to communicate easily and hear all the details of the conversation you want to meet in a quiet, neutral location that is close to both of you.
Ideally, the place you choose should be away from noisy bars and distractions… and away from your work and home.

2) Stay focused on the other person and put away your phone

Stay focused and be attentive to what your date is saying. Make sure to avoid distractions during your date.
There is nothing ruder than being glued to your phone screen during the date… being distracted by every beep, sound, and vibration. Or worse still, answering a call during the date.
Unless there is an emergency (i.e.: you need to refer to your dating tips), put away your phone and listen to your date with focus.

3) Keep the conversation balanced

Don’t monopolize the conversation by rambling about yourself. You may think you’re impressing your date but talking too much makes the other person lose interest because they feel you’re too self-involved.
Talking is about having active participation in the conversation. It’s a two-way street. Be curious, be interested and ask follow-up questions to their stories.

4) Stay in the present and be yourself

Avoid talking about the past or an ex. Instead, concentrate on finding interests you both have in common.
And don’t try to be someone you’re not. Everyone has their own strengths, uniqueness, and talents. Share yours with your date.
Spend the date finding out about each other. After you complete the Dating with a Purpose (part of the PIVOT process), you will be aware of your non-negotiables and will want to begin to ask questions to determine if there are any HUGE red flags.

5) Have a positive attitude

People are naturally attracted to happy and positive people. So, leave your worries at home when you go out on your date.
Give yourself a break and aim to feel upbeat and positive. The more positive you feel, the more attractive you will be.

6) Flirt with your date… if you are interested

Flirting is a great way to signal that you are interested in your date.
You can do simple things, such as, make eye contact, smile, be curious and ask them questions.
This will help to attract attention from your date and show them that you are interested in them.

7) Don’t have sex on the first date

Showing attraction by flirting with your date is one thing. But make sure you maintain boundaries. Don’t have sex straight away.
Allow yourself time to discover if you have similar values, outlooks and interests.
Give your date a chance to grow into a healthy relationship, rather than being a one-off sexual encounter.

8) Learn to recognize the signs of unequal attraction

90% of all communication is non-verbal, so watch the body language of your date to see if they are attracted to you. If you sense your attraction to them is not equal, then don’t force it.
If this person isn’t right for you, then save your time and energy for someone who is.
On the other hand, if you’re less interested, then don’t lead them on. Let them know politely and move on.

9) Take your time to move from dating to a relationship

Go on several dates and give yourself time to discover how you feel about your date. And how they feel about you.
Don’t rush into a relationship. Spend as much time dating and savoring it. Make sure you agree on the things that are important to you both before you start the relationship.
This will help reduce potential tension or disagreements later.

10) Follow up after the date

If you’re interested in seeing your date again, then don’t play games. Call them, text them or return their call.
Don’t make the other person guess what you want. Be honest and communicate openly. There is nothing worse than unreturned phone calls.
In summary, approach your date with respect, interest, and understanding. Be open. It’s OK to be vulnerable while not disclosing too much too soon. Be yourself. And most of all, stay true to yourself and your expectations.
These are the essential keys to creating a healthy relationship. We hope that these essential dating tips have given you some insights about healthy dating.
If you would like more advice on how to build a healthy relationship, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help!

How To Leave An Addictive Relationship – You're My Obsession

Posted on May 30, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

The words “I’m addicted to you” are a warning sign that there is something dark in your relationship. Although this may sound romantic, it might be an indication that you are in an addictive relationship.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then you may not recognize what a healthy relationship should look like and feel like. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t find happiness in your relationships. By attending a love addiction intensive retreat and learning more about your childhood wounds, you can transform your relationships and create healthy and meaningful bonds in your life.

Why Do People Choose Toxic Relationships?

Very often, issues in your adult relationships relate to your childhood because you’re drawn to what’s familiar, not what is good for you.
If you haven’t taken time to heal your childhood wounds, then you are likely to be susceptible to addictive relationships. Especially, if you have experienced any of the following:

Alcoholic parent(s)
Losing a sibling or parent at a young age
Finding out that you are adopted
Some kind of abuse
Emotionally unavailable parent(s)
Some sort of neglect
Fear of being abandoned
Not receiving validation from your parent(s)

Unhealthy childhood relationship patterns that are unresolved often lead to unbalanced, unfulfilled and addictive relationships. And addictive relationships become a survival pattern. They happen because you are trying to heal the childhood abandonment wound.

Is Love Addiction A Real Thing?

Love addiction, otherwise known as pathological love, is very real and affects a great number of individuals worldwide. It involves a pervasive and obsessive interest in one or several romantic partners.
Love addicts renounce control as well as other behaviors and interests to be with their chosen partner at all costs. They are prone to novelty seeking and impulsivity which tend to stem from childhood attachment wounds.
At PIVOT, we call love addiction attachment dysregulation because many find this term shaming. Love itself isn’t addictive however many individuals who grew up craving love, are addicted to the craving of something they have not experiences. Therefore when they feel a honeymoon connection with someone, they mistake it for love and become hooked and crave more and more.

Can You Be Addicted to Someone You Love?

Some individuals have a tendency to become addicted to “love”. But what does this actually mean? Where do you draw the line between what people call love addiction and simply being in love with another person?
Well, for most attachment challenged individuals, their relationship becomes the center of their universe, taking over their entire being. And when an anxious person who is called a love addict ends up with an avoidant or ambivalent partner, these behaviors can become even more pervasive, drawing the love addict into a toxic, vicious relational circle.

What Is An Addictive Relationship?

Just like an addiction to alcohol, drugs or other substances, being in an addictive relationship is unhealthy, toxic and powerful. And it brings you pain usually with a love/hate dynamic.
Addictive relationships are colored with conflicts, emotional abuse, and even physical violence.
Although you may be aware of how dysfunctional the relationship is, you stay in it. This is the definition of an addictive relationship. Now if you’ve dated one horrible person, this doesn’t mean you’re addicted to bad relationships. However, if you’re noticing a pattern, then there may be a problem.

Why Is A Toxic Relationship Addictive?

Unfortunately, many love addicts are attracted to emotionally unavailable partners. This tends to happen because the love addict’s parents or caregivers were unavailable or abusive.
Simply put, the love addict is subconsciously attracted to what is familiar to them, recreating the toxic cycle they experienced in their childhood. They are used to being abandoned and they end up begging for affection and love. Therefore they seek to find the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Can An Addictive Relationship Become Healthy?

An addictive relationship can’t be saved unless you recognize and heal your relational wounds. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will first need to identify your own feelings and be honest with yourself and your partner about both the negative and positive aspects of the relationship.
In many cases, leaving the addictive relationship is the best course of action. If you feel isolated and lonely, know that you’re not alone. Unhealthy relationship patterns are more common than you may think and relationship addiction recovery is entirely possible.
The good news is that you don’t have to be in an addictive relationship for life. You are not “broken.” Just because you come from a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you can’t create secure attachments and healthy relationships.
It is time to shift. If you are committed to change, then you’re not stuck with this forever. You can have relational freedom.

How Do I Get Out Of An Addictive Relationship?

The only way to get out of an addictive relationship is to change what you are willing to put up with and to make lasting changes. Here’s what you should do:

Step 1

Start by recognizing the addiction. Be present and accept what you are feeling, thinking and what you want.
This is the hardest step for most people. It is especially difficult to be present when your present moment is hostile, hurtful, scary and invalidating. Many people stay locked in an addictive relationship by pretending that this present negative moment isn’t happening.
If you’ve ever said to yourself:

“Oh, he/she didn’t mean it”,
“He’s/She’s not always so mean”,
“He/She can’t help it”,
“If I just do this, then he’ll/she’ll be nice again.”

Then you are pretending and you are not in the present moment.

Step 2

Stop judging your feelings, thoughts, and wants. Be aware of them and accept them. Once you accept your feelings, thoughts, and desires, then you can decide what to do about them.

Step 3

Remember you are worthy of love. And the most powerful love comes from within you. Don’t depend on your partner for love. Instead, increase your love for yourself. Love your uniqueness, your views, your personality, and your gifts.

Step 4

Identify ways you would like to express the best in yourself and take actions that reflect your best self. You deserve to be treated with respect. Don’t allow yourself to be treated any less than your best self deserves.

Step 5

Be willing to change. Real change starts with healing and repairing yourself. This step includes dealing with feelings, grieving and healing from past wounds. Healing allows you to reconnect to yourself with self-compassion and self-love. This is best done with the help of a professional who specializes in addictive relationships.

Step 6

Make these changes, work on self-love and healing yourself without trying to change or judge anyone else. This process is about your recovery. You can’t change anyone else except yourself.

Step 7

Once you have started to heal yourself, then you can make choices. You can choose to give up the unhealthy relationship. You can decide that being whole, unique and your true self is worth it. You can determine whether your relationship is working well or if you are just addicted. You have choices.

Find Freedom At Our Love Addiction Intensive Workshop

The best way to achieve relational freedom is to seek assistance from experienced professionals and talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you. Attending a love addiction retreat will help you to better understand yourself and learn to nurture relationships based on emotional support and mutual respect.

Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom. If you wish to learn how to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT.
We’re here to help you by providing insightful individual relationship coaching as well as in-depth intensive workshops for overcoming relationship challenges. Contact us today and start your journey towards relational freedom!

5 Signs You're In An Addictive Relationship

Posted on May 14, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Have you ever felt like you’re in a never-ending cycle for your partner’s love and affection? Like you need them in your life otherwise you wouldn’t survive.
This may be a sign you’re in an addictive relationship. But the truth is… you may not even be aware it is an addictive relationship.
While all romantic relationships may exhibit occasional signs of addiction, the difference with an addictive relationship is a constant pattern of one or more of the signs, leading to increased negative consequences.
If you’re wondering if you or a loved one is in an addictive relationship, here are the five major signs to look for:

1 – Manipulation and Control

An addictive relationship is based on manipulation and trying to control the other person.
You may not always see the sign, but you may feel stifled and uncomfortably restricted.
You may feel like you aren’t independent within your relationship, even though you are independent in other areas of your life. For example, you:

Feel like you need to participate in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values to please your partner
Give up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please your partner
Miss out on important family, career, or social experiences to spend more time with your partner

2 – Mistaking Intensity for Intimacy

Addictive relationships happen fast and hard because they are typically based on instant sexual attraction. This leads to mistaking new romantic excitement and intense sexual experiences for real love.
You want to be close to others… emotionally and physically, but the intensity in an addictive relationship is often confused for real intimacy. This occurs if you:

Find it difficult to maintain an intimate relationship after the excitement has worn off
Choose partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
Use seduction, and manipulation to hold on to a partner
Use sex to cope with difficult experiences within the relationship

3 – Feeling a Sense of Worthlessness without a Relationship

If you feel alone and empty without a relationship, then you feel the need to jump into relationships too fast and hard.
Being in an addictive relationship occurs when you need to heal a hurt from childhood and /or adolescence. If you didn’t feel loved, secure or worthy as a child, then one way to try to fix this as an adult is to constantly seek relationships.
The problem is the fix doesn’t last. It can’t.
Here are the signs that you seek relationships to fix childhood hurts:

Constantly crave and search for a romantic relationship
When you’re in a relationship, you are desperate to please and fearful of the other abandoning you
When you’re not in a relationship, you feel alone and may use sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness

4 – Co-Dependency

Addictive relationships are like any other addiction. As tolerance increases, more is needed to feel the same “fix.”
This leads to an increased fear of losing the relationship and translates into a dependency on the other person as the “fix.”
Co-dependency may be reflected by:

Preoccupation and obsession in keeping the relationship
Constantly seeking approval
Fantasized attachment to each other
Being needy, worshipping and striving to please

5 – Denial and Avoidance

A sign that you’re in an addictive relationship is how your partner reacts to a confrontation about their behavior. Typically, they may seem remorseful at first, but they never change.
When it feels like a chore each time you bring up issues that need a robust discussion, then this is a warning signal.
Instead of learning and growing from discussions and feedback, your partner prefers that you deal with the results of their addictive behavior.
Most addictive partners deny or downplay their behavior instead of admitting where they went wrong and trying to change. Worse still, they may turn it on you.

What to do if you’re in an addictive relationship?

The reason you’re in an addictive relationship may be because you have attachment disorder as a result of issues from your past.
The good news is you’re not stuck with this forever. Just because you’re in an addictive relationship now doesn’t mean you can’t heal and create a secure attachment. Recovery starts with being aware and recognizing the addiction. It is about healing yourself and being committed to healing.
The process includes dealing with feelings, grieving and healing from past wounds. Healing allows you to reconnect to yourself with self-compassion and self-love.
We recommend that you seek support from professionals and talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you. Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.

Why Addictive Relationships are the 51st Shade of Grey

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Fifty Shades of Grey made an impact on society, and although you may not have read the book nor plan on seeing the movie you may know the basic premise… it’s about a young college girl who falls for a billionaire who is into bondage and domination.
Dig a bit deeper and you’ll see that there’s more.
The title Fifty Shades of Grey relates to Christian Grey’s many aspects of his personality. He can go from gentleman one minute to S&M manic the next.
But the title is a play on words…
The phrase “shades of gray” refers to an unclear situation. Things are not black, or white. They are in a gray area.
Just like Ana and Christian’s relationship… it exists in a gray area. It’s not defined by our society’s rules. It is not a typical relationship.
It is a good example of the confusion that comes from being in a gray area in relation to sex, relationships, and obsession.
And like addictive relationships, it involves confusion, drama, and feelings of longing.

Addictive relationships

Addictive relationships happen fast and hard because it’s typically based on instant sexual attraction – just like 50 shades.
But the truth is… addictive relationships are not real. They are fantasies. You are in love with what you wish the person was… not what they are.
And just like 50 shades, addictive relationships involve obsession, control and the need to stay in it despite negative consequences.
The core of addictive relationships is to fill a void, to heal past trauma and get unmet needs fulfilled.

Why are some people drawn to begin addictive relationships?

As a child, if you have experienced a lack of nurturing and attention from your parents then you’re more likely to search for healing from an addictive relationship.
Whether it was accidental or intentional, the love you received from your parents shaped the type of adult relationships you would be attracted to.
For example, if the love your parents gave you was inadequate, negligent, abusive or broken through a divorce, addiction, death or illness, then this leads to unmet emotional needs.
So, an adult you search for the transforming fix for anxiety, despair, rage or fear of abandonment within your relationships to get validation that you are loveable and a worthy human.
The motivation is positive… to heal yourself.
But this will fail if you pick someone who is unable to give you the genuine love, caring and emotional support you need.
Unfortunately, you’re wired to be drawn to what’s familiar (someone like your parent), regardless of how good it is for you. This happens because it is what you know and because you are trying to fill the hole of the abandonment wound.
The first step to healing is to heal your wounds yourself. The feelings of self-worth come from within. Not from other people or relationships.

What to do if you’re in an addictive relationship?

If you’re in an addictive relationship it feels isolating and lonely. But, the good news is, you’re not alone. It is more common than people think.
Just because you come from a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you can’t create secure attachments and healthy relationships. If you are committed to change, then you’re not stuck with this forever.
Instead, be open to change and find the right help to talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help. We’re here to help.

Discover If You Are In An Addictive Relationship

Posted on March 31, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Addictions, whether it’s drugs, alcohol or people, is a fix for negative feelings. But the fix doesn’t last. That’s why addictive relationships lead to abuse, drug use, depression, and other negative consequences.
Addictive relationships can be hard to define, and hard to tell if you are in one. Most people mistake the intense feelings they feel in this type of relationship as caring or concern.
For example, it can seem sweet or even flattering to have your partner be insanely jealous… it might show that they really care. However, a healthy relationship involves respect and trust, and not excessive jealousy and controlling behavior.
It is difficult to define these relationships; however, the basis of an addictive relationship involves having power and control over the other person.

Indications that your relationship is addictive

Addictive relationships always start magically. The attraction is instant, and it feels like you are finally understood.
Healthy relationships transition from the initial euphoria to getting to know and love the person as an individual, with all their quirks, gifts and their faults. However, addictive relationships are founded on rigid expectations of each other.
This triggers anxiety as you can’t live up to these rigid versions of each other, which then sets off the cycle of depression and euphoria… in search for the early magic. Tolerating anything for that initial “fix” again.

Lack of trust

There is a lack of trust in addictive relationships. Often anxiety is colored by jealousy and paranoid fears. This leads to constant demands for reassurance to prove that you still love each other… unlimited texts, phone calls and messages when you are not together.

Loss of control

The constant demands for reassurance lead to threats of ending the relationship. This leads to focused efforts to repair, apologize and a willingness to tolerate anything to reconnect again… at the cost of your emotional freedom.

Loss of other relationships

The obsession and dramatic cycles of addictive relationships risk your relationships with family and friends. Either family and friends feel neglected as you isolate yourself from the world and stop spending time together to “work on the relationship.” Or they are witness to the abuse and offer advice, guidance and support, but feel ignored when the cycle starts again. Either way, they can’t watch or feel personally used.

Loss of function

During the obsession cycle of the addictive relationship, if you don’t have “the fix” of the other person, then this leads to a loss of function. Like the symptoms you get when you break up… such as sweating, cramps, anxiety, nausea, sleeplessness and eating difficulties.

Loss of self

One of the most significant consequences of addictive relationships is losing yourself. Being in this type of relationship leads to having a diminished view of yourself, as compared to an idealized version of the other person. This results in higher levels of dependency.

What to do if you believe that your relationship is addictive

The first step starts with recognizing the addiction and being willing to change. This is best done with the help of a professional who specializes in addictive relationships.
Recovery starts with recovering and repairing yourself.
The good news… it doesn’t mean you will always be in an addictive relationship for life. If you are committed to change, then you’re not going to be stuck in a cycle of addictive relationships forever.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.

7 Facts Everyone Should Know About Addictive Relationships

Posted on March 10, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

People generally want to be close to others… emotionally and physically. After all, life is better shared with someone special. But for some people, the euphoric feeling of being in love can be intoxicating and addictive.
The words “I’m addicted to you” may sound sweet, loving and romantic at the moment. However, this could be a warning sign for something darker.
But first, consider what a normal or healthy relationship is.
Healthy relationships start with growing up in a functional family… your parents prepare you to emotionally and intellectually relate with others. To share, connect and have each other’s needs met.
Healthy relationships do not involve constant drama and continual feelings of longing. You do not have to wonder, wait, or live in turmoil over your last meeting.
However, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then you lose sight of what is a healthy relationship.
Unhealthy relationship patterns lead to unbalanced, unfulfilled and addictive relationships.
Just like an addiction to alcohol, drugs or other substances, being in an addictive relationship is unhealthy, toxic and powerful.

7 facts you should know about addictive relationships

Key 1: Magical (or Unrealistic) Expectations

Addictive relationships are not real. They function out of fantasy. In reality, you are in love with what you wish the person was… not what they are.
This starts even before you meet your partner. Before you have a relationship. You form expectations of what your relationship will be like. How you will feel once you have a relationship.
Having magical expectations leads to wanting to change the person you are to be selected by the person that you’d like to be with.
If you find yourself constantly thinking that the relationship would be perfect if the person could change a little bit, then it is a sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

Key 2: Visible Patterns and Characteristics

Addictive relationships are composed of three elements: obsession or preoccupation, the feeling of being out of control, and the need to stay in it despite negative consequences.
Addictive relationships follow patterns and cycles, which include:

Jealousy
Possessiveness
Manipulation
Mind Games
Drama
Guilt
Compulsion

Key 3: Instant Gratification

Addictive relationships happen fast and hard because it’s often based on instant sexual addiction.
Being in this type of relationship feels exciting, like an adrenaline surge. However, adrenaline is fear-based. This feeling is often confused with attraction, passion or instant love.
If it is love at first sight, animal attraction, or infatuation, then these are your warning bells.

Key 4: Obsessiveness and Desperation

An addiction to a person or relationship involves obsessive thoughts about the relationship: anticipation, waiting, confusion, and desperation.
It involves thinking about the relationships all the time and believing that without intense continuous effort the connection will be destroyed.

Key 5: Isolate Yourselves from the World

Being in an addictive relationship is intoxicating, to the point where you feel that no-one can share this marvelous experience you have. Because they won’t understand. So, you isolate yourselves from the world.
An addictive relationship is defined by an increasing craving to be alone with the person. Which also leads to withdrawal symptoms when you are away from them.
By staying isolated, you may find that you lose yourself and what you stand for.

Key 6: Cycle of Pain

Being in an addictive relationship becomes a vicious cycle. You become addicted to the brain chemistry related to the anticipation and traumatic bonding of the relationship.
Yet, because the relationship is so unfulfilling, you are left feeling empty, lonely and unfulfilled. This ends temporarily every time you are with your object of obsession (the person).

Key 7: Where it Starts

Issues in your adult relationships relate to your childhood. You’re drawn to what’s familiar, regardless of how good it is for you. It is what you know.
Addictive relationships, like different types of addiction, becomes a survival pattern. They happen because you are trying to fill the hole of an abandonment wound from childhood.
If you’ve experienced any of the following and have not taken the time to heal your wounds, then you are likely to be susceptible to addictive relationships:

Your parents got divorced
One or both of your parents were alcoholic
You were adopted
You lost a sibling or parent at a young age
You were abused
Your parents were emotionally unavailable
You were neglected
You were afraid of being abandoned
You didn’t get validation from your parents

What to do about addictive relationships

Now if you’ve dated one harmful person, this doesn’t mean you’re addicted to bad relationships. However, if you’re noticing a pattern, then there may be a problem.
Although being in an addictive relationship feels isolating and lonely, you’re not alone. It is more common than people think.
The good news… it doesn’t mean you will always be in an addictive relationship for life. You are not “broken.”
Just because you come from a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you can’t create secure attachments and healthy relationships. If you are committed to change, then you’re not stuck with this forever.
Instead, be open to change and find someone who understands and can help you to talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.

7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Posted on February 24, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

You’ve probably heard that trust is the foundation for strong relationships. Without it, relationships won’t grow or progress and will eventually fail.
And you probably know that trusting your partner is the most important part of your relationship.
But what happens if you’re in a new relationship and you don’t have trust yet? Or if you’ve lost trust? Can you get it back? If you’re struggling to build trust in a relationship, would an intensive workshop help?

Can A Relationship Survive When Trust Is Broken?

Before you can start building trust, you must understand what trust means for your partner and yourself. It’s essential that you communicate your expectations and thoughts and understand what your partner needs.
Building trust starts with sharing your hopes for the relationship and what you expect each other to do (or not do) to keep your love alive. Communicate openly with your partner and try to determine the best approach for your relationship. Take small steps, be patient, or try attending a building trust in a relationship intensive workshop.
Read on to learn what you can do to bring back trust!

How Do You Build Trust In A Relationship?

Losing trust is far easier than building it back up. If there has been a betrayal, you may feel like you’ll never be able to trust your partner again. Still, it is possible to re-establish trust if both parties in a relationship are willing to put in the effort. If you and your partner wish to rebuild trust and make the relationship work, you should know that it will take quite a bit of time, patience, and compromise.

Steps To Rebuilding Trust In A Relationship

Trust is an essential building block in any mature relationship. If you are determined to build a deeper and healthier connection with your partner, you will have to learn how to be comfortable around your partner again if trust has been broken. Here are 7 steps you can take to rebuild trust in your relationship:

1) Be Vulnerable

Be open and vulnerable with your partner by sharing things you often keep hidden. If you’ve been hurt in previous relationships, then it’s likely you want to avoid talking about expectations because you don’t want to be hurt again. However, the only way to make the relationship work is to be real and open.

2) Communicate Openly

If you have something important to discuss, I recommend that this is always done in person. Although using text, email or even phone calls to communicate is useful, it can lead to misunderstandings as the real meaning of the message can be misinterpreted.

3) Keep Secrets

One big way to build trust is to keep your partner’s secrets if that is requested and healthy. Treasure them. Respect them. As a couple, the relationship deserves privacy.

4) Keep Promises

Make it a priority to keep your promises to your partner. Whether it’s a small thing or a big thing, keep your commitments. This shows respect, support, and reliability, which is the key to build trust.

5) Respect Each Other’s Differences

Before you can build trust, you must respect each other’s differences without judgment. Even if you don’t understand why something is important to your partner, simply respect the fact that it is important.

6) Be Forgiving

Trusting each other doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen. When they do, the important thing is to be forgiving. Holding onto grudges erodes trust in relationships. Instead, let go of the hurt, accept the apology and move on.

7) Be Supportive

It is critical to be supportive of each other. Being supportive allows you and your partner to be authentic knowing someone has your back. It means you can have confidence knowing you’re supported whenever you take a risk, learn new things or even make mistakes.

How Do You Trust After Betrayal?

If one of you has been betrayed in the relationship, then building trust back is very difficult, but it can be done. If you both want it. In fact, trust must be repaired for the relationship to survive.
Here are three steps that can help:

Apologize/accept an apology: when trust is broken in a relationship, the first thing to do is to acknowledge the feelings of hurt, apologize and take responsibility for what has happened. Show love, care and respect for each other. If your partner betrayed you, make an effort to accept the apology.
Promise not to hurt again: This promise must be real. A promise that must be kept. What’s more, the promise needs to be backed up with action.
Analyze feelings: If you were betrayed, then take time to analyze and understand your feelings. Don’t deny or dismiss hurt feelings. Instead, ask yourself, “How deeply am I hurt?” “How long do I want to keep this feeling of hurt?” “What do I want from this relationship?”

Trust must be earned. It takes time. Especially if there has been a betrayal. But it doesn’t have to be impossible. Approach your relationship and each other with respect and understanding. Be open. Be vulnerable. Be real. Do what you say you will do. Stay true to yourself, and your expectations and a trusting relationship will grow.

We Bring Intensive Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection

It is only when you have trust and love, that your relationship will thrive. Unfortunately, many couples struggle with overcoming intimacy issues and building a stable and trusting relationship. Everybody needs a little push from time to time, and reaching out to experienced relationship coaches may be just what you and your partner need to make the relationship work.
If you would like help to build deep trust in your relationship, then contact PIVOT. By attending a couple relationship management workshop, you will learn how to build deeper connections and rebuild trust. Our relationship intensive retreats and our relationship coaching designed for individuals and couples can give you the tools you need to facilitate lasting change. Give us a call!