Losing Yourself In A Relationship: How To Find You Again

What Does It Mean To Lose Yourself In A Relationship?

You know how you can feel like you’re drifting on cloud nine when your partner is embracing you? How you feel pleasant and loved when you’re together, wanting that feeling to last. So you give more and more to it. You take pieces off yourself as building blocks for your relationship to stop the sensation from disappearing.

And as you’re putting more and more of yourself, as you’re giving everything you are to your partner and your relationship, you seem to lose sight of yourself. It’s as if you’re beginning to drift from cloud nine into the endless blue, slowly losing grasp of who you are. You reach out, struggling to keep at least a tiny portion close, and it disappears. 

You’re sorry, but the comfort makes you forget about it. And you feel good again. Yes, it’s easy to lose yourself in the relationship and it’s nobody’s fault. Your partner didn’t want to build trust in your relationship by letting you distance from yourself. In honest relationships, your partner loves you for who you are and you can get back in touch with your inner self.  

What Does It Mean To Lose Yourself In A Relationship?

Defining what losing yourself in a relationship means is the easy part. You start a relationship as an individual with interests, desires, hobbies, wants, and needs. As the relationship progresses, you pour more and more into your relationship while losing the very traits that defined you in the beginning. 

For some individuals, this can gradually become worse until the point you can hardly recognize who you are. And you don’t just sacrifice your interests, hobbies, pastime activities, and your dreams. You may even start to lose your own identity, personality, and your own sense of self. It becomes as if you’re no longer an individual in a relationship. Rather, you and your relationship are one and the same. You don’t know where one begins and other ends. 

And then, over time, there’s no more you, no more your partner, no more your uniqueness – only the all-consuming relationship. However, having a caring, loving, and nurturing relationship doesn’t mean you and your partner need to sacrifice each other. Nurturing your unique traits will strengthen your relationship. Individuality is a good thing as long as you foster it together. 

What Are The Signs That You’re Losing Yourself In A Relationship?

What Are The Signs That You’re Losing Yourself In A Relationship?

Sometimes, you may not even realize that you’re not in tune with yourself. However, it’s important to be honest with yourself and try to detect some of the most common signs that you’re no longer who you actually are. 

These signs are different for everybody, but some common ones are: 

  • You’re spending less and less time on yourself and the things you love.
  • Your own social life is becoming extinct. 
  • You’re compromising your own needs and wants for your partners’.
  • You don’t say no. 
  • You struggle making decisions on your own. 
  • You have less and less confidence in yourself. 
  • You’re losing sight of your own dreams. 
  • You’re passing up great opportunities because of your partner. 
  • You’re beginning to miss your single life. 
  • You no longer feel as attractive as you used to. 
  • You find yourself simply going through the motions. 

Can You Find You Again In A Relationship?

Yes, you can. However, leaving a relationship can end up being counterproductive and cause you to make the same mistakes again in the future. Rediscovering yourself entails identifying some of the negative patterns you keep repeating. Doing it while remaining in a relationship with the person you love can help you develop a better and more secure sense of self-worth and individuality. This will prevent you from losing your personality down the line and help you have a healthier relationship with your partner. 

How Do You Find Yourself Again In Your Relationship?

Rediscovering yourself in your relationship and helping your partner do the same while respecting their individuality can be challenging. However, it doesn’t have to be. 

How Do You Find Yourself Again In Your Relationship?

Be honest with yourself and with your partner. From there, work together on making yourselves the yourselves you want and used to be. In turn, this will also breathe new life into your relationship. Then, try to help one another achieve these goals: 

  • Define your own personal needs and boundaries.
  • Validate your individual emotions together. 
  • Maintain both your separate and joint friendships. 
  • Pay attention to your passions projects.
  • Learn how to healthily disagree. 
  • Address any lingering resentments. 
  • Challenge and grow both individually and together. 
  • Work on your relationship with an advocate who can facilitate the process. 

PIVOT’s Private Couples Retreat For Reconnection Helps You Find Yourself & Continue To Build Trust In A Relationship

A healthy and unifying relationship helps you unlock the strength you didn’t know you had and allows you to successfully manage all the pressures you might be experiencing.

However, it’s also quite easy and very common to neglect your own self once your relationship begins reaching a certain stage of familiarity and comfort. This is not bad in itself. It can become bad if you allow yourself to drift from yourself too far. Once you start losing sight of your own personality on the horizon of your relationship, it’s time to act and discover yourself again.This can be tough, especially if it’s been some time since you’ve done something just for you. Luckily, PIVOT can help you. We organize in

dividual workshops to regain your lost self as well as couple retreats to allow you to be connected while being individuals. Reach out to us today and inquire about how our expert advocates can help you and your partner.

What Is Codependency?

The traditional definition of codependency is a relationship that is focused on one person fixing and/or controlling another person resulting in their own lack of self-care. “If you are ok, I am ok”. Controlling, nurturing and maintaining the existence of another individual who is emotionally and/or chemically dependent on and engages in undesirable behaviors is a relational recipe for disaster.

Codependency: What Is It And What Are The Signs?

As an example, a classic codependency model is an alcoholic husband and his enabling wife.
Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity and worth.

Understanding Codependency

Codependents are individuals who give of themselves to others and compromise their ability to care for self. Although the act of giving more of themselves make codependents believe they are “loving more” than the other person, this is not healthy behavior. Love and codependency are far from being the same thing.
Why? Because this leads to enabling. Enabling is a destabilizing behavior to the codependent person because it brings intense feelings of anxiety and fear that a loved one will not be ok. This becomes a difficult feeling to tolerate.
Codependent people often experience an array of conflicting emotions such as anger, guilt, grief, fear and shame. This is because they feel powerless over not being able to change, control, or help another person, which leads to feeling destabilized.

What Are The Signs Of Codependency?

If you’re wondering if you or a loved one is showing some codependency signs, here’s what you should look out for.

Most Common Codependency Symptoms:

  • Feel most comfortable when they are giving
  • Try to please others instead of themselves
  • Have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility
  • Feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem
  • Try to be all things to all people all the time
  • Unable to say “no”
  • Seek out chaos and then complain about it
  • Get angry when somebody refuses their help
  • A tendency to have their self-esteem connected to “doing”
  • Try to prove they are good enough to be loved
  • Try to be perfect, and expect others to be perfect
  • Have self-blame and put themselves down
  • Can express signs of control issues
  • Feel victimized by the “selfishness” of others

What Causes Codependency?

As children, we are vulnerable and utterly dependent on our parents and caregivers for food, safety, and boundaries. However, if you have suffered abandonment issues or grew up with an unavailable parent, then it means you may have taken the role of caretaker and/or enabler.
In other words, you have put your parent’s needs first, above your own.
What’s more, dysfunctional families don’t acknowledge that a problem exists, and as a result, the family members respond by repressing emotions and disregarding their own needs.
When the child becomes an adult, this leads to repeating the same behavior in their adult relationships.

Can Codependency Be Treated?

Treatment for codependency starts with exploring childhood issues and being aware of dysfunctional behavior patterns.
It is about healing deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger from past wounds. Healing allows you to reconnect to yourself with self-compassion and self-love.
We recommend that you seek support from professionals and talk about the pain that’s inside of you.

How To Overcome Codependency In Relationships

While overcoming codependency is no simple task, there are techniques you can use to minimize its effects. Here’s what you can do to heal from codependency:

  • Practice independence.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • Keep your expectations in check.
  • Make peace with past mistakes.
  • Set healthy boundaries.

Remember, you are worthy of happiness and love and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom and say farewell to your relationship problems. And we can help!

PIVOT: Your Key To Breaking Codependency Patterns

Our PIVOT coaches will provide you with support and healing. We help codependents by focusing on creating healthy boundaries, building self-esteem, learning how to say “no” without guilt, and cultivating deep self-care.
Our clients include family members and spouses of addicts of all kinds. We also get individuals who struggle in the workplace or in the home with codependency, as well as individuals dealing with depression symptoms.
Attend intensive workshops at our retreat: The Glass House, or schedule a one-on-one session with a PIVOT Advocate who will create an individual coaching program designed to repair and restore relational challenges. We’re here to help.