Lori Jean Glass

Relationship Complacency: What It Is & How To Avoid It

Posted on November 24, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

You’re in a relationship. You’re feeling good about it. You love your partner. Your partner loves you back. You know each other well. You talk, your partner listens. Your partner talks, you listen back. You’re cozy. And it’s easy. And there are no challenges or outbursts. There’s love. Or at least you think and know there is. You’re just not feeling it in the same way you used to.

It’s almost as if love has been replaced with comfort, convenience, and security. You feel pleasant, however not great. There’s a fleeting sense, a brief moment when you feel something’s off and then it passes, and you’re back to the warm bliss of the familiar. You block off potential problems in your relationship and postpone the need to improve intimacy in a relationship.

And you feel good again ignoring that voice in the back of your mind that craves a bit more fireworks. You’re taking your love life for granted and you seem to be enjoying it. However, falling prey to this kind of complacency in a relationship can end up being the very bane that brings havoc where there was harmony. Putting a stop to it is an important mission that will breathe new life into your relationship. How to do it? Begin with the basics.

What Is Relationship Complacency?

There’s a lot we hear about relationships and the different stages, issues, and problems. We all know about the honeymoon period, how you can make it last, and what to do when it inevitably ends. Or the seven-year itch that can occur in even the most loving of relationships and marriages. However, what about complacency?

Is complacency not a problem? Does it really affect relationships negatively and can being comfortable and complacent really cause such harm to both you and your relationship?

It is, especially because complacency is often mistaken for comfort. Being comfortable with your significant other is great. Being complacent is not that great. Complacency means gradually slipping into a false and often toxic comfort zone that prevents both you and your partner from enhancing your relationship, improving your communication, and taking each other for granted.

Complacency comes in various forms, as do relationships. All couples are different and all couples that experience relationship complacency experience it in different ways. However, there’s one common line that defines complacency – putting less and less effort into your relationship and paying less and less attention to each other.

What Are The Signs Of Complacency In A Relationship?

Still, complacency seems like simply a relationship that’s entered a bit of a rut. That’s easy enough to resolve, isn’t it? Well, yes and no. A rut requires a bit of action, adding a bit of dynamicity into your daily life, and stepping outside your comfort zone to engage in activities both you and your partner will enjoy.

Complacency is more serious than rut. It breeds passivity and can provoke a wide range of increasingly negative feelings and harmful relationship traits that can lead to more significant problems.

This makes it really important to recognize the signs of complacency on time. You need to react before it roots itself within your relationship and starts causing problems that will only get tougher and tougher to deal with down the line. Some of the most common telltale signs of relationship complacency are:

Feelings of restlessness and boredom in the relationship and toward your partner
Lack of attention between you and your partner
Either experiencing or handing out criticism on a regular basis
Neglecting your own wellbeing and self-care
Experiencing a constant decline in your intimate activities
Fantasizing about others
Resorting to routine i-love-yous
Not organizing date nights like before
You and your partner not sharing individual experiences
You feel more and more distant from your partner
There is a significant lack of communication

How Do You Overcome Relationship Complacency?

It’s easy to see why relationship complacency is a lot more serious than it seems and than people give it credit. In fact, complacency can often serve as the building block for numerous issues down the line if you and your partner decide not to work on it together. However, working on it can often be difficult and demanding.

And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just because your relationship requires work doesn’t mean there’s no love, affection, care, and dedication. It takes guts and strength to recognize that your relationship has become complacent and to talk with your partner about it. From there, you can try to tackle that complacency by doing the following:

Adopt a new mindset that realizes and recognizes that relationships require active effort.
Compliment and take notice of each other.
Set ample alone time for just the two of you.
Try to shake up your daily routine.
Be honest with yourself and with your partner.
Become more curious about your partner.
Work on your physical intimacy.
Set clear goals for your relationship.
Explore new activities you can do together.
Go your separate ways for a day and then tell each other all about it.
Create a love map of your relationship that explains your dreams, hobbies, fears, and other traits you and your partner find important.
Practice empathy together with your partner.
Hold hands and hug each other.
Try to put your phones away and just enjoy each other’s company.

PIVOT Helps Improve Intimacy In Your Relationship By Resolving Intimacy Problems & Complacency

Falling into the trap of relationship complacency is easy and more common than you think. However, detecting the reasons behind your complacent relation with your partner and working to resolve your issues can be difficult and can lead you to question how strong you are and cause unwanted pressure within your relationship.

We’re not gonna lie – dealing with any problem within your relationship, even one as seemingly small and easy-to-resolve as complacency is tough. It’s hard for you and your partner to look yourselves in the eye, admit problems, and start taking them head on. However, with healthy communication and real effort, everything’s manageable. At PIVOT, we know just how difficult it can be for both individuals and couples to end their complacent period and get back on their dynamic feet. That is why we’ve envisioned both specialized individual workshops for invigorating your life and couple workshops for helping you find the spark in your relationship again. Reach out to us today!

Shame In A Relationship: How Does It Affect You & Your Partner?

Posted on November 24, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

There’s no shame in experiencing shame. This is the first thing to tell yourself if you’re constantly struggling with this feeling in your relationship. And that’s a good start. It’s invigorating and motivating to know that you’re not guilty for feeling a certain way.

Self-affirmation is a healthy relationship activity used in different emotional workshops for one simple reason – it works and it helps you feel better and find the strength to deal with the issues.

There will come a time when you’ll have to tackle your shame head on – and that can be tough. However, if not addressed, shame will only continue causing problems in your relationship, preventing you from experiencing the happiness you deserve. You have to start somewhere, and it’s usually best to start at the beginning.

What Is Shame In A Relationship?

It’s easy to define shame, at least in general terms. Shame is a feeling of humiliation, embarrassment, unease, discomfort, or indignity. It stems from a perception of you doing something improper, immoral, dishonorable, or unsuitable. However, this is shame on face value, in its most basic, common, and recognizable form.

Continual shame in your relationship is another matter entirely. Who hasn’t felt shame at one point in their lives? We’ve all done something at one time or another that left us feeling ashamed of our actions. And that probably didn’t feel good. Not at all. Now imagine having to deal with such feelings day in, day out in your relationship.

This prolonged feeling of shame can easily find its way into every aspect of your life and your relationship, becoming toxic, causing individual and shared problems. It can become an internalized critique of your very personality and essence, leading you to develop extremely negative emotions about yourself, feeling inadequate, worthless, or a bad person.

And feeling constantly ashamed will distort your sense of self-worth and transform your own self-image into a disfigured reflection that’s far from the truth. This vicious cycle can cause you to experience shame for even the most normal, everyday actions, smudging the lines between right and wrong, placing you at a persistently negative place in your life.

What Are The Signs That You’re Experiencing Shame?

The process of dealing with your constant feeling of shame is difficult. Shame brings negative emotions that in turn bring more shame and negative feelings you can’t seem to shake. The longer this continues, the more difficult it is to break free and learn to love yourself and your actions, thoughts, and feelings again.

The first and the most important thing you need to understand is that you don’t need to be ashamed of your shame. You don’t need to be ashamed of everything you do. You’re hurting yourself, and you don’t deserve to feel the hurt, the pain, and the negativity. You’re a human being that needs and deserves love, respect, and warmth.

Knowing this can help you become more open with yourself and give you the strength to try and recognize the signs of your shame. Knowing that you’re in the vicious cycle of shame is the first step in overcoming it. The usual signs of shame in your relationship are:

Feeling sensitive and unappreciated
Experiencing worry about what your partner thinks about you
Choosing not to share your feelings and thoughts with your partner for fear of embarrassment
Fearing that you’ll look stupid, inappropriate, and wrong in front of your partner
Harboring feelings of suspicion toward your partner
Feeling unable to trust yourself in your relationship
Starting to lose your identity in your relationship
Not wanting to be your true self in with your partner
Feeling dishonorable and inadequate without doing anything wrong

What Are The Negative Effects Of Untreated Shame?

Dealing with and overcoming your shame and overcoming can be extremely difficult. Knowing your true self and helping yourself is not easy. However, leaving your feelings of consistent shame untreated can lead to other emotional problems:

Isolation

Strongly believing in a negative perception of yourself that stems from constant shame can easily lead to withdrawal from others, as well as love avoidant behavior. You may very well be feeling unworthy of intimacy, friendship, or love, as well as anxious about others seeing the wrong perception of your true self you’re falsely harboring.

Distress

Self-shame is also an incredibly strong catalyst for emotional distress and many negative thoughts. As they multiply, you become more self-aware in all the wrong ways that end up being even more harmful to you and your feeling of self-worth. Constantly feeding yourself negative talk that stems from your feelings of shame can cause:

Anger
Self-loathing
Fear
Worry
Embarrassment
Sadness

Relationship

Not feeling good about yourself means it’s unlikely to feel good about your relationship and your partner. The longer the shame persists, the more difficult it becomes to open up to your partner, be yourself with them, and enjoy the loving and relaxing feelings that healthy relationships nurture.

This strongly undermines even the healthiest of relationships, causing you to express irritability, denial, annoyance, and different types of confrontational behavior. What’s more, the feeling of shame can even cause you to express unwanted physical manifestations of your feelings, including forcing a smile, keeping your head down, blushing, and avoiding eye contact.

From there, it’s easy for additional relationship problems to arise, such as perpetual disagreements, lack of intimacy, and increasingly poor communication. All these problems that stem from the persistence of shame continue to cause further issues, leading to your relationship becoming a battlefield instead of a field of roses.

How Can I Deal With Shame In My Relationship?

Recognizing your shame and learning the importance of dealing with it is only the beginning. Actually addressing it is what comes next. Shame may be difficult to overcome and it tends to only get worse over time, so there’s no better time to start than now. An experienced and understanding relationship advocate can certainly help you.

However, there’s also something you can do to try and help yourself:

Try to pay attention to your positive feelings while also understanding your negative emotions and how they’re affecting you, your life, and your relationship.
Be patient with yourself, acknowledge your rights besides only your wrongs, and learn to forgive yourself.
Allow your partner to provide support and try not to hide your feelings and tough spots from your partner. Treat them in the same way you would like them to treat you.
Admit your shame, admit your feelings that stem from it, and talk about it with yourself and your partner. Acknowledge everything and try to move past it.
Be truthful about everything to both yourself and your partner. Try to avoid defensive behavior and be honest and open with your partner. Sharing helps overcome shame.
Accept yourself the way you accept your partner. Stop being harsh on yourself and try to realize you’re not at constant fault.

PIVOT’s Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities Will Help Resolve Your Shame And Stop Love Avoidance

There’s no reason to be ashamed of feeling shame. Nor is there a reason to feel guilt, unease, or any other negative emotion that can dissolve your inner strength and cause you to begin losing sight of yourself in your relationship. Unfortunately, far too many people end up in a vicious cycle of feeling ashamed of the shame they’re experiencing.

And that’s the main problem and the primary reason to try and resolve your issues with self-shame in your relationship. Leaving your shame and the reasons behind it untreated can lead you to embrace various defense mechanisms that can hamper both your relationship and your emotional development. And that can be only the beginning of it all. That is where PIVOT can help you. We’re here for you even when you’re not there for yourself. We’ll help you overcome your shame by identifying and resolving the reasons behind it and help you deal with the guilt you might feel. Our individual workshops can teach you how to appreciate yourself, and our couples retreat helps you reconnect with your partner. Call us today!

Inner Strength: What It Is & How To Build It

Posted on November 18, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

There’s no such thing as a strong person or a weak person. We’re all weak and we’re all strong. We all cry and we all smile. No one is universally just one thing and the world and the people in it are not divided into mutually exclusive categories. There’s more to each person than a single trait or a single occurrence of that trait.

However, your inner strength is not something to neglect – it’s something to actively develop. It can help you deal with numerous hardships in life, from personal and professional difficulties to preventing or dealing with relationship avoidance and withdrawal. Inner strength can mean the difference between independence and codependence, personal support and neglect.

How can you detect and develop your inner strength? What can you do to foster it? How can your inner strength enrich your life? First, take the time to explore what exactly inner strength is, how it manifests itself, and how you can harness its power.

What Is Inner Strength?

Different definitions of inner strength mainly focus on emphasizing self-discipline, resilience, tenacity, assertiveness, and, most of all, courage. However, this kind of categorization is too binary, too exclusive, and far too unfair to all those people who fight to remain on top every single day. Some individuals with complex trauma in their lives develop what we call survival patterns and often get confused about what inner strength is.

Inner strength is not simply courage, or tenacity, or fortitude, or any of those buzz words that denote a classically strong person capable of tackling challenges head on without breaking a sweat or personality. No, that’s not what we’re talking about. Not by a mile.

Inner strength is trying to keep it together when you’re falling apart. Inner strength is dealing with the difficulties of the day and coming back to yourself, partner or family able to pivot. Inner strength is admitting your defeat and asking for help. Inner strength is admitting mistakes and trying to be better for them.

Most importantly, inner strength is failing and being willing to try again. And again. And again. It’s being brave enough to display your strength as well as your weakness. It’s giving people the best of you as often as you can.

It’s showing empathy, mindfulness, love, compassion, gratitude, generosity, openness, and a shoulder to rely on. Inner strength is what makes us want to be better human beings, better friends, lovers, partners, and coworkers. It’s what makes the world a better place.

How Can Inner Strength Help Me?

Inner strength is what keeps you going. Even through tough times. Even through horrible, difficult, unimaginable times. This is how inner strength helps us all – by giving us the will, strength, and desire to go through the challenging moments life throws at us and come out on the other side stronger for having been through them.

Inner strength also allows you to keep believing in yourself, even when others don’t. And it’s inner strength that gets us through the uncertainty and restlessness that life brings. It helps people deal with everything that they’re going through, especially the tough times. It also helps you share the good things without the fear of being misunderstood. It helps spread kindness and support and care. It helps you be who we are without holding back.

How Do I Develop My Inner Strength?

Inner strength is not something we are all born with, a badge of honor that separates the weak from the chosen. The mere fact that the term carries the word “strength” in it can cause people to feel bad and ashamed for showing weakness or emotions.

As explained, inner strength is a lot more than that, and not that at all, and you should never feel anything other than proud for having the willpower for dealing with the tough times in your life.

However, inner strength is also something you can work on and enhance. Here are some of the strategies you can use to develop your inner strength, especially when you’re not feeling that “strong”:

Develop empowering rituals that can help you feel better about yourself during the days you’re feeling down.
Be aware of all the difficult choices you’ve made so far in life and understand that you were strong at various points without even realizing it.
Discover what kind of purpose you want to have in your life and what kind of trace you want to leave with the action you take.
Try not to think in “should’s”, but rather in “can’s”.
Don’t be stuck in past situations you falsely find disempowering. Focus on the empowering future that awaits.
Learn more about yourself through professional coaching sessions and break free from negative thought and behavioral patterns.

Find Your Inner Strength With PIVOT & Put A Stop To Relationship Avoidance And Withdrawal

If you find yourself unable to break a bad relationship pattern, or if you’re constantly trying to avoid potentially unpleasant situations in your relationship, you could lack the inner strength to tackle those issues head on and transform your romance. Realizing you’re currently unable to take proper action and take matters into your own hands can be very emotionally draining.

However, don’t despair and don’t surrender to a multitude of negative emotions. You are strong and you are capable. You just might need a little assistance to nudge you in the right direction toward your hidden strength. Luckily, you can always rely on a caring and respectful partner that is always on your side – PIVOT.We are a retreat that organizes different types of workshops designed to help you and your partner successfully navigate the sometimes-difficult moments in your relationship. Our thoughtful and respectful advocates can help you through a restorative and supportive individual workshop or by organizing an understanding and helpful couples workshop. Call us today!

The Importance & Role of Self-Awareness

Posted on November 18, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

It becomes oh so easy to allow your own self-awareness to be on the back burner and end up focused on everyone else except yourself. Many of us spend time perceiving ourselves through the eyes of our friends, family, society, and romantic partners that we forget to look deep inside ourselves. We externalize our worth and hand it to others to confirm if we are worthy/enough.

Self-awareness and accountability can help us to achieve healthier relationships. It can open the door to building strong intimacy in a relationship. The more familiar we are with our true selves, the deeper we can introspect, the more open we can become.

Take some time to take a look at yourself through the lens of what we call the Whole Perspective. How do you feel about and see yourself physically, mentally, financially, intellectually, and emotionally? Try to see yourself for who you truly are, with all the imperfections and perfections you have. Begin the road to heightened self-awareness by learning more about it.

What Is Self-Awareness?

In general terms, self-awareness is our ability to see ourselves for who we truly are. It’s our capability to peer into the deepest parts of what makes us who we are. Understand our innermost characteristics, desires, needs, and wants, and also our insecurities, faults, and imperfections.

However, there is another type of self awareness – external self-awareness. This allows us to fully understand how other people perceive us after acquiring a more detailed perception of ourselves. The more we learn about ourselves, the more we understand how others see and understand us.

In relationships, both these separate categories of self-awareness are what allows us to communicate with our partners openly and honestly. By knowing who we are and who our partner thinks we are, we open both ourselves and our relationships to new opportunities. And there’s no downside to that with the people we love.

Why Are The Archetypes Of Self-Awareness?

Based on the two separate types of self-awareness, there are four archetypes of self-awareness. Both internal and external self-awareness can be high and low. From there, the four archetypes are:

Introspectors: This archetype is characterized by high internal and low external self awareness. It is indicative of individuals who are aware of who they are, yet don’t tend to step out of their comfort zone and inquire about feedback from others.
Seekers: Seekers have low internal and external self-awareness and have trouble determining who they are, what they stand for, and where they’re going in life and in relationships.
Pleasers: Pleasers have high external and low internal self-awareness, which can lead them to focus on trying to appeal to others and overlook themselves and their own personality in the process.
Aware: Aware individuals have high internal and external awareness, they know who they are and what others might think of them.

Successfully determining whether you have high or low self-awareness, and attempting to pinpoint which archetype you are is one of the important first steps in raising your self-awareness and improving your relationship interactions.

What Are The Signs Of Low Self-Awareness?

Low self-awareness can negatively affect your romantic relationships and other parts of your life. Not knowing the depth of your own personality can lead to insecurities, frustration, and inability to form a functioning and dedicated relationship with your partner. Determining whether your self-awareness is low can help you and the people around you.

Common Signs Of Low Self-Awareness

Here are some of the most common signs of low self-awareness:

Trouble understanding your different emotions
Shutting down people who question your beliefs
Making excuses for your own failures and failings
Experiencing difficulty empathizing with others
Inability to adequately explain certain actions toward others
Suppressing your negative emotions
Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself
Lacking a sense of true identity and purpose
Struggling with self-control and time management

It’s easy to get discouraged and feel hopeless when taking a look at the common telltale signs of low self-awareness. However, there’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’re not to blame. Starting on the path to self-awareness can be tough, scary, and filled with questions, however it’s a journey well worth the effort in the end.

How Do I Develop My Self-Awareness?

If you’ve determined that your self-awareness is not that high, you can begin to build it now! If you manage to improve your metacognition, you can experience a whole-life transformation in numerous areas. You will:

Start enjoying a more open and fulfilling romantic relationship
Improve your daily moods
Clear your mind and enhance your decision making
Become a more effective communicator
Boost your productivity

How To Improve Self-Awareness

Explore some of the ways that might help you discover more about yourself:

Try to pay more attention to both your feelings and the feelings of people around you.
Start reading high-quality fiction that focuses on both the intrapersonal and interpersonal.
Attempt to identify your emotional block and the reasons behind it causing unfavorable emotions.
Ask those closest to you for feedback and try to take it well and constructively.
Try to identify your own cognitive distortions.
Clarify the values you stand behind and the reasons for them.
Work on your behavioral patterns and emotions with experienced coaches.

And remember – the road to self-awareness can be long and difficult. Attaining it, however, opens up a whole new world of emotional possibilities that can improve your life and your relationships with others, including your romantic partner.

PIVOT’s Emotional Intimacy Coaching Can Help You Develop Self-Awareness And Build Intimacy

Self-awareness can help you enjoy a healthier, more loving, caring, and supportive relationship with your partner. Also, it can help you prevent some of the common problems that arise in relationships, such as constant emotional projection and the appearance of various defense mechanisms on your part.

However, it’s important to emphasize one thing – low self-awareness is not your fault, and it’s not something you need to continually blame yourself for. It’s not easy to become aware of and control the deepest depths of your personality. Making the first step toward resolving such issues is brave and very rewarding in the end.If you need assistance raising your self awareness, PIVOT is here to help you in any way we can. Our thoughtful relationship coaches organize introspective and curative individual workshops, as well as caring and invigorating retreats for couples. We want to see your relationship grow and your mutual affection thrive. Reach out to us today!

Unspoken Communication In Romantic Relationships

Posted on November 18, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

Lately, you seem to be noticing that something’s off. You don’t know what it is, you can’t pinpoint the exact reason, yet something just doesn’t feel like it used to. Doesn’t feel quite right. There are no visible problems, you and your partner talk, laugh, and spend time together. However, there is a felt sense that something is “off”.

Have you been exchanging affection? Not just the physical, sexual one; other types of affection? Have you been supportive in both mind and body? Are your unspoken actions just as pleasant as your spoken ones? Is your body language projecting the same emotions as your words are?

Maybe one or both of you are neglecting nonverbal signs of affection, support, love, and care without an intent to do so. All this could inadvertently foster nonverbal ambivalence in your relationship, which could negatively affect other aspects of your romance.

What Is Nonverbal Communication?

You know how you can sometimes simply look at your partner, or they you, and you just know what’s up? That’s a form of nonverbal communication. Essentially, nonverbal communication consists of all the messages you exchange with your partner, as well as other people, without actually using any words.

Nonverbal communication allows us to basically feel how someone is feeling. We can sense another person’s mood or attitude through genuine nonverbal communication methods.

The Methods Of Nonverbal Communication

Some of the most common types of nonverbal communication methods include:

Facial expressions
Body posture and movement
Gestures
Eye contact
Personal space
Touch
Tone of voice

Through any of these channels of nonverbal communication, you can achieve the following:

Repetition: Repeating the message you’re trying to convey.
Contradiction: Contradicting the message you’re sending, confusing the listener.
Substitution: Substituting a message you would otherwise send out verbally.
Complementing: Complementing and adding to a notion you want to convey verbally.
Accenting: Underlining the importance of a verbal message you want to send.

In a relationship, it’s impossible to emphasize the importance of the nonverbal. It plays a huge role in strengthening the feeling of love, affection, and connection. A light touch, a warm smile, or an unconsciously open posture convey the feeling of warmth and love.

And that’s what makes nonverbal communication an integral part of a satisfying and fulfilling relationship – knowing your partner’s feelings and affection without having to hear them. Sensing your partner, knowing, not listening and acknowledging.

How Does Nonverbal Communication Affect My Relationship?

Depending on you or your partner’s behavior, the nonverbal aspects of your relationship can have both a positive and a negative effect on your romance.

Each look, tilt, sigh, and smile are capable of conveying a wealth of emotions we leave to others to interpret. The way you and your partner communicate with each other nonverbally can achieve different effects in your relationship:

Conflict: Misinterpreted nonverbal cues can lead to rising conflicts in your relationship. For example, sharing a secret with your partner only to be welcomed by a frown might seem like disapproval. However, the same frown can also signal concentration.
Discomfort: Sometimes, certain nonverbal behaviors can lead to you or your partner feeling discomfort. The most common causes of discomfort can be the invasion of personal space in certain situations or a misinterpreted tone of voice.
Closeness: However, nonverbal communication can also lead to a deepened feeling of closeness and love between you and your partner. A reassuring smile, a warm touch, and a soft embrace are incredibly beneficial to a relationship.
Understanding: Finally, implementing nonverbal cues to accent the messages you send to your partner will enhance their understanding of your words and create a deeper sense of communication and connection.

How Do I Improve My Nonverbal Communication In A Relationship?

When you’re in a relationship, you want to express your feelings freely. However, sending out certain nonverbal messages can cause your messages of love and understanding to become misinterpreted for what they are not.

With nonverbal communication being one of the cornerstones of happy and successful communication, the effort placed into improving it could bring you and your partner close together. You can understand each other better or learn how to recognize your partner’s feelings even when they don’t express them openly.

4 Ways To Improve Nonverbal Communication In Your Intimate Relationship

Here are the four techniques that can help you improve nonverbal communication in your romantic relationship:

Be expressive: Why shy away from expressing the full scope of your love, affection, and care toward your partner? Look them in the eye, smile, and touch them to support your words of love. Hold their hand as you watch a movie or give them a long hug before going to bed. Show them what you’re feeling without the words.
Pay attention: However, it’s not just about giving, it’s also about paying attention to how your partner is feeling through their use of nonverbal cues. Be attentive, try to sense what they’re feeling, or ask them if you’re unsure. Show them that you’re there, that you care, and that you’re ready to help.
Positive disagreements: If a disagreement happens, try to prevent it from blowing out of proportion and into a full-scale argument through use of positive nonverbal communication. Also, using negative cues, such as eye-rolls can serve to escalate the disagreement.
Surprise: Surprise your partner with unexpected nonverbal shows of affection. Hug them when they’re not expecting it, give them a kiss before work, and do all other manners of affectionate actions to show them how you feel.
Reach out to relationship coaches: No matter how hard you try, you still feel that something is off? You can’t express yourself or understand your partner’s nonverbal cues? Reaching out to professionals may be the right choice for you and your relationship. Experienced coaches can help you delve deeper into what’s holding you back. Change is possible, you just need to learn what’s holding you back and how to free yourself from old wounds.

Turn To PIVOT’s Romantic Relationship Building Skills Workshop And Avoid Ambivalence In Your Relationship

Sometimes, even with all the words and talks, you’re left feeling unfulfilled. This is a time when your intuition may kick in, signalling there’s maybe something wrong, telling you it’s time to make a change in your relationship. What is it, what is that one ever-escaping thing you feel is missing, yet you simply can’t put your finger on?

Oftentimes, if something simply feels off, it might be less about the verbal, and all about the nonverbal aspects of your relationship. You and your partner have simply fallen into a string of unsatisfying nonverbal communication patterns that you’re struggling to break. Luckily, you can easily resolve this by, surprisingly, talking. PIVOT is here to help you communicate your lack of touch, feel, and look through either restorative and invigorating individual workshops or bond-strengthening and supportive retreats for couples. Our relationship advocates are trained and caring professionals who will help you get through your rough patch. Give us a call today!

How to Improve Communication Patterns in a Relationship

Posted on November 18, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

Although it may sound like a tired cliche, make no mistake – communication truly is the key to a successful relationship. When it’s going smoothly, both you and your partner feel like you’re being heard and acknowledged. This enables you to freely share experiences, thoughts, and feelings with one another, strengthens your bond, and builds trust.

On the other hand, clashing communication strategies can lead to the withdrawal from the other person. This can seriously undermine the relationship and ultimately end in breakup or divorce. This is why it’s important to spot communication breakdowns and work on resolving them.

Start by learning more about healthy communication, ways to identify potential problems between you and your partner, and how to adopt a more effective strategy to connect with them.

What Are The Four Communication Styles?

Some partners communicate effortlessly while others seem to be speaking different languages. The reason behind this could be different communication styles. While every individual may use all four styles at different times and with different people, each person typically tends to favor one of them. You can often notice this from the moment you meet them. Each style also comes with its set of non-verbal cues that help get the message across. By learning to recognize which one you and your partner use most often, you may realize how to communicate more effectively.

These are the four commonly known styles of communication:

Passive: Passive communicators usually lack initiative and go along with what others say. They shy away from conflict by handing over their autonomy. In a relationship, they feel more comfortable when the partner makes decisions and takes charge. They tend to avoid arguments, keeping their dissatisfaction to themselves. The characteristics of passive body language are breaking eye contact and acting nervously.
Aggressive: These people typically communicate in a domineering way. They assert their needs, make demands, and take the lead. They usually dominate the conversation, paying little attention to what the other person has to say. They’re openly confrontational and even combative. Their body language is often intimidating and their tone of voice can be harsh.
Passive-aggressive: This is a person that sends mixed messages. Instead of being direct, they use sarcastic remarks and indirect criticism to convey their resentment. For example, they may be punishing their partner with the silent treatment while insisting that everything is okay. They can act like they’re fine, but throw in veiled remarks when the other person least expects it.
Assertive: This is the healthiest communication style that most people aspire to achieve. Assertive communicators are able to express themselves calmly, directly, and openly while also respecting the other person’s points of view. They come off as self-assured but non-threatening.

What Are Some Bad Communication Patterns?

Everyone is likely to use some negative communication strategies from time to time. These methods are largely ineffective because they antagonize, disrespect, or hurt the other person. Instead of bringing you closer together, they drive a wedge between you and your partner.

So, knowing how to identify them and what tactics to apply istead can help you strengthen rather than weaken your relationship. These are some examples of unproductive techniques:

Not listening: Thinking only about what you have to say without paying attention to the other person’s point of view is a recipe for disaster. In successful conversations, the people are on equal footing, both sharing and receiving information. The person who isn’t heard feels underappreciated while the other partner misses out on understanding their loved one better.
Being disrespectful: Insults are hurtful and detrimental to self-esteem. Calling your partner names and “hitting below the belt” never leads to a satisfactory resolution of conflict. Instead, it drives you farther apart and seriously jeopardizes your relationship.
Criticizing on a personal level: Personal criticism feels like an outright attack. It’s embarrassing, belittling, and painful. As an alternative, address the problem calmly and directly while focusing on the behavior that bothers you, not the person. Saying you’d like your partner to help with chores is much more effective than calling them good-for-nothing.
Acting defensively: When facing criticism, many people resort to defensiveness. You or your partner may make excuses for your behavior or flat out deny it. However, this is unproductive because you don’t give yourself the opportunity to hear your partner out and identify an area where you could improve. And vice versa.
Shutting down: Some individuals tend to get back at their partners by giving them the silent treatment, also known as stonewalling. This is very frustrating for the other person who’s trying to reach them and iron out the problems.

How Do I Improve Communication In My Relationship?

Communication skills can be greatly improved, especially with the help of relationship coaching. Here are a few things to try that can help you convey your message more successfully and be happier in your relationship:

Don’t assume they’ll read your mind and don’t attempt to read theirs. Openness and direct communication with a focus on care for the other person is the goal. If you believe there’s something they’re not disclosing, ask them about it.
Think everything through before you start a difficult conversation. Let your feelings subside before you do anything rash and hurt your partner with insults. It’s much better than apologizing and saying you didn’t really mean it after damage is done.
Consider consulting with a relationship coach. If you and your partner keep failing to communicate, maybe you need a neutral third party to assist you. With professional help, you can uncover negative communication patterns, as well as other potential problems that may be holding you and your partner back.

What Relationship Coaching Program Can Help Me Spot Love Avoidance Characteristics?

Learn how to become an assertive communicator at PIVOT. Our eye-opening process of pivoting gives participants a better understanding of themselves and their attachment styles, helping them build close, lasting bonds.

If you join our rewarding individual workshop sessions, our caring relationship advocates will be there to offer you expert guidance. Couples can also find healthy techniques to cope with outside pressures and take their relationship to the next level by taking part in our helpful couples workshop.

Learn how to improve your self-awareness and re-discover your inner strength by reaching out to us today.

First Impressions: A Good Start To A Healthy Relationship

Posted on November 18, 2021 by Lori Jean Glass

When you’re meeting someone for the first time, you cannot know if the person will be just an acquaintance or someone who’ll have a profound impact on your life. There are many factors that may influence how you perceive this person and whether you wish to get to know them better.

And how do first impressions affect a romantic relationship? Why do people find it hard to let go of them further down the road? Discover the importance of first impressions and potentially learn to overcome them in a reliable relationship coaching retreat for singles.

Does First Impression Matter In A Relationship?

Since this initial opinion of the new person determines whether or not you decide to pursue a closer relationship with them, it is often crucial. First impressions are typically tough to override, so people may only have this one chance to form the basis for a future relationship. While it is no guarantee, if you establish rapport with the new person, a fulfilling bond may develop from there.

How Important Are First Impressions In A Relationship?

Unless you have other reliable information about the person, you base your whole perception of them on your first impression. Unsurprisingly, it’ll be the deciding factor in whether or not you decide to get closer to them. This means that these early opinions have a huge impact on the start of the relationship. However, they also go beyond this.

They may also have far-reaching consequences if a person comes to realize that their partner didn’t measure up to their original expectations. Sometimes, a partner’s failure to live up to this idealized image may lead to the end of the relationship.

How Are First Impressions Formed?

People typically form their first impressions in a matter of seconds and without thinking about it. Although they may not realize it, their inner judge of character is on call, detecting subtle signals and forming opinions of the new people they meet.

Many factors play into forming first impressions, including societal, cultural, and personal influences. Apart from paying attention to what they’re saying, non-verbal cues play a huge part in forming an opinion of someone. For example, someone who is smiling and exhibiting open body language (uncrossed arms and legs), is more likely to make a good impression. People often have a positive bias toward those who are conventionally attractive and well-dressed too.

There’s also a tendency to form positive perceptions of those that share a certain commonality with us. For example, people can bond over their taste in music or movies, their similar sense of style, or another shared interest or trait.

Why Do We Hold Onto Our First Impressions In A Relationship?

As the relationship progresses and partners get to know each other more, they often realize that their first impressions of each other were wrong. Since they’re often idealized images of the partner, they aren’t sustainable in the long run.

For example, a person may be drawn to their partner’s determined and outspoken nature at first. Then, over time, they may start to think of them as a pushy know-it-all. Or, someone could initially admire their partner’s easy going personality only to get disappointed with their lack of responsibility.

This creates cognitive dissonance. This is a sense of discomfort that happens when someone realizes something that clashes with their existing beliefs. It’s usually difficult to accept that they misjudged the other person and people employ different tactics to deal with this realization.

One strategy that people use is denial. They may simply refuse to accept the truth and hold onto the image of their partner as strong-willed instead of forceful for as long as they can. Another way to deal with the dissonance is placing blame. The person will accuse the partner of disappointing them. Finally, some people will acknowledge the realization they’ve made and determine if it’s a deal breaker or something they can live with. This is the healthiest strategy to adopt.

Are Our First Impressions Of A Potential Partner Right?

They may or may not be, depending on the particular situation. However, most people do tend to put on rose-colored glasses in the very beginning of their relationship.

These idealized views of your partner are fueled by the novelty and excitement of a new relationship. When these feelings wear off, you can come to a deeper understanding of their partner as a person. While this will shatter some illusions about your partner, it’s also an opportunity for you to grow closer, understand each other better, and strengthen as a couple.

It’s all about being honest with yourself and trusting your feelings and thoughts. If you notice that there’s something that rubs you the wrong way in your relationship, it’s a good idea to acknowledge and explore this. You may realize that even though your partner doesn’t live up to your initial expectations, they may be able to work on it or provide you with something even more valuable. Alternatively, you may decide to move on and seek romantic fulfillment with another person.

Where Can I Join A Couples Workshop for Deepening a Relationship?

PIVOT offers a comprehensive curriculum that will guide you through the process of growing into a Healthy Adult. Our dedicated relationship advocates will help you develop greater self-awareness and find the inner strength to overcome challenges in your relationship and other areas of life.

By working through your early painful experiences, you’ll get to know yourself better and adopt healthy strategies for coping with psychological challenges. You’ll also discover how to communicate with your partner more effectively, form a mutually fulfilling connection, and protect your relationship from external pressures. Sign up for one of our healing individual coaching sessions to break away from harmful patterns. We’ll provide you with the tools and resources that will aid your personal journey. We also recommend a rejuvenating stay at our Glass House retreat. Give us a call to get started.