Relational Healing Archives

How To Effectively Communicate With Your Partner?

Posted on December 27, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Communication is one of the core building blocks of a healthy relationship and both partners need to understand the importance of communication in relationships if they intend to make their relationship last. A budding romantic relationship is not likely to last beyond the honeymoon phase if partners are unable to express their feelings openly and communicate with each other effectively.
If you’re in seventh heaven, you may not notice the little red flags. But rest assured that being unable to communicate with your partner is one of them. Don’t attempt to sweep these things under the rug. Be honest to yourself and to your partner and work on your communication and intimacy issues instead of ignoring them.

Why Communication Is Important In A Relationship

Every relationship is a two-way street and it takes two people to make it work. Sometimes, establishing healthy communication and building a healthy relationship comes easy. Other times, it’s a struggle that takes time and patience, especially if you feel you may be stuck in a codependent relationship.
Many couples do not know how to fix communication in a relationship as much as they want to. They cannot see eye to eye, especially in the heat of an argument, which may lead to further issues that they could easily overcome.

The Common Communication Pitfalls In A Relationship

Couples tend to make certain universal mistakes that are preventing them from communicating effectively:

Texting instead of talking face to face: communication in writing may lead to misinterpretation.
Using the accusatory tone and attacking the partner using ‘you’ language. (e.g.: You need to do this if you want our relationship to work; You never listen, etc.)
Resorting to universal, generalizing statements with words used for emphasis such as never, always, every time, everyone, so, such etc. (e.g. You never remember to do what I ask; You’re so selfish; You let me down every time; etc.). Commenting on your partner’s personality instead of their behavior. (e.g.: You’re dumb instead of You’re smart but you did not think through what you did last night)
Demeaning behavior such as invalidating your partner’s feelings. (e.g.: You’re overreacting; You’re being unreasonable; You’re acting irrational, etc.)

Lack Of Communication In A Relationship: A Challenge To Overcome

If one’s partner idea of achieving a set goal is to give the other partner the silent treatment and rely on a passive-aggressive approach instead of communicating their feelings openly, it could be a sign that the relationship is heading nowhere. Any communication breakdown in a relationship is a challenge the couple needs to work on overcoming effectively.

Can A Relationship Survive Without Communication?

Chances are we all know couples in long yet dysfunctional relationships which suffer from chronic lack of communication. Chances are these relationships cannot survive. The resulting toxicity will take its toll eventually unless the partners are aware of the problem and take action to resolve it.
You also need to openly discuss your old relationship patterns such as being avoidant or secretive, and being anxious and/or controlling, so they would not affect your current relationship.

How Can Couples Communicate Better?

There are various effective strategies that you and your partner can employ to foster communication. Better communication equals a stronger relationship. Try the following:

Create a set of rules for your relationship. Communicating your priorities to each other can be an eye-opening experience.
Apologize to your partner when an apology is in order. Do not hold a grudge and risk deepening a conflict. Likewise, request an apology if you feel you’re entitled to one.
Take responsibility for your feelings and do not expect your partner to read your mind.
Proceed with caution during an argument: remember that words, like actions, have consequences.
Be mindful of your body language. Listen to your partner, be attentive and respectful.
Schedule a time to discuss important matters when it’s most convenient for both of you. When emotions are running high, you run the risk of exacerbating a communication breakdown.
Take the time to think before you act. If something your partner did made you upset, give it some time before approaching them about it. Experts suggest following the 48-hour rule which should be enough for the matter to blow over or at least for you to cool your head.
Go off grid: make a plan to say no to technology when you’re spending quality time together, at least for a weekend, and stick to it.
Learn to negotiate things with your partner.
Focus on yourself. You are not responsible to manage your partner’s emotions but solely your own. The partners’ emotional maturity is pivotal to the success of a relationship.
Show respect and kindness even if your partner is refusing to reciprocate.
Do not take things personally. Your partner may be having a bad day or having difficulty expressing their thoughts.
Be open to your partner’s attempts to make things work. Anger and frustration could prevent you from meeting them halfway, which you may regret later on.
Be open-minded. Your partner may have an alternative point of view that differs from your own considerably. Be flexible and show willingness to reach a compromise.
A couple that laughs together stays together. Add some humor to lighten the atmosphere.
Steer clear of excessive negativity and criticism. It’s all too easy for things to get out of hand and for you to say things you’ll end up regretting when you’re upset. Remember to state positive comments that will show your partner how much you respect and appreciate them.
Focus on one thing at a time. If you’re upset that your partner forgot about the plans you made weeks ago, stick to the topic and do not mention any other unresolved issues.

What Is Healthy Communication In Relationships?

If you and your partner are in it for the long run, you have to build a healthy relationship foundation. Whether you’ve been together for some time or you’re just starting a new relationship, healthy communication is key.
Healthy communication in a relationship means that partners are honest and open to each other. They are not afraid to speak their mind and discuss what’s bothering them without feeling guilty or putting the blame on the partner.

Empowering You For Effective Communication With Your Partner

Healthy communication does not equal an ideal relationship scenario where conflicts are out of the question and it’s all rainbows and unicorns. It simply means that partners can talk to each other in a meaningful way and make it work in the real world, and that’s all that really matters.
Our PIVOT Advocate can help you work on fostering healthy communication between you and your partner, or you can join a personalized couples workshop for deepening a relationship at our retreat: The Glass House. Communication is something you learn, much like any other skill. Call today and let us help you overcome communication challenges and resolve conflicts that are plaguing your relationship.

Intimacy In Relationships: What You Should Know

Posted on December 27, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Many couples tend to confuse intimacy with sexual activities in their relationship. What they don’t know, however, is that true intimacy comes in many forms, all of which have to do with building trust and enhancing closeness between partners.
Being in a relationship comes with a myriad of struggles, including everything from emotional withdrawal and silent treatment to engulfment and control. For many people, dealing with issues in their personal relationships can take a great toll on their mental health and decrease the overall quality of their lives. That’s why building intimacy with your partner is a must if you want you and your partner to be happy and your relationship to last.
In this blog post, we’ll tell you all about the meaning of intimacy and how to improve intimacy in a relationship.

What Is Intimacy In A Relationship?

What does true intimacy mean? Well, by definition, intimacy involves feelings of closeness, vulnerability, and openness between partners in a relationship. While intimate relationships typically include physical acts of love, they don’t necessarily have to be sexual.
A sexual relationship may or may not include emotional intimacy between two partners. This is why we may have one-night stands and other sexual acts that don’t involve intimacy and love.

What Are The Four Types Of Intimacy?

Intimacy manifests itself in many ways. A healthy relationship would include and nourish each of the following types of intimacy:

Emotional intimacy means that you are able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner and don’t fear being vulnerable around them. Nourishing this form of intimacy is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Physical intimacy entails acts of affection between two partners. While this type of intimacy does involve sexual activities, it isn’t the same as sexual intimacy. It also involves everything from kissing and hugging to holding hands with your partner.
Intellectual intimacy includes sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings with your partner. For instance, talking about your interests and favorite music will help you deepen the intellectual or cognitive intimacy with your partner.
Experiential intimacy means sharing experiences with your partner, whether it’s traveling together, taking a walk, going to the movies, or any other activity that can bring you closer together.

How Do You Rebuild Intimacy In A Relationship?

Building intimacy in a relationship is crucial if you want to have a mature and lasting bond with your partner. Here are some tips for restoring the feelings of intimacy in your relationship.

Talk Things Through

If you no longer feel connected to your partner, you should first try to determine the underlying struggles that may have caused your emotional intimacy issues and have an honest conversation about them. Just make sure to be completely honest and attentive to what your partner has to say – healthy communication in a relationship is a must if you want it to work.

Share Experiences

Instead of spending your evenings on your phone while your partner is on a computer, try engaging in activities you both get to enjoy. For instance, going on a weekend trip or simply seeing a movie together will help build a stronger bond and bring you closer together.

Work On Physical Intimacy Too

While emotional intimacy should definitely be your starting point, it’s important that you don’t neglect the physical aspect of the relationship. Sexual activities and other physical acts of love, such as cuddling and hugging, can greatly improve your mood and help you reconnect with your partner.

Give It Time

You can’t rebuild intimacy overnight, especially if you’re trying to repair a relationship after a crisis or infidelity. If you are patient with your partner and communicate openly with them, you will manage to rebuild trust and deepen the connection over time.

What Are Some Good Relationship-Building Activities For Couples?

No relationship can work without effort from both parties. If you and your partner need help maintaining intimacy, experts recommend the following healthy relationship workshop activities for strengthening the bond with your partner:

Extend cuddle time: many couples get so lost in their busy lives that they forget to cuddle. Cuddling a couple of times per week can do wonders for deepening the connection with your partner.
Allow your partner to vent: a great exercise for enhancing intimacy is to have uninterrupted listening sessions. This means that you should set a timer, let your partner speak and simply listen to what they have to say, without judgment and defensiveness.
Play the 5 things game: this simple but versatile exercise is both fun and effective. It involves you and your partner taking turns to state five things on a certain topic, such as “what are the five things you’d like to change in your life”, or anything along those lines.
Engage in soul gazing: Sit face to face with your partner with your knees almost touching. Try to maintain eye contact and say nothing for around 3-5 minutes. You can make the exercise easier by playing a song and trying soul gaze while it lasts.
Have weekly meetings: Many relationship struggles arise from a lack of communication between partners. By having conversations without distractions every week, you can get insight into your partner’s thoughts and avoid communication errors.

It’s important to note that you shouldn’t expect immediate change if you do these exercises a couple of times and then go back to your old ways. Rebuilding a relationship takes time, especially if you’re dealing with issues like dealing with codependency in a relationship or struggling with love addiction.
That is why couples can greatly benefit from relationship coaching or attending intensive workshops aided by seasoned professionals who can help them rekindle intimacy in a healthy way.

Rebuild Your Bond With Modern Relationship Intimacy Coaching

Sometimes, a relationship can keep going downhill no matter how hard you try to maintain a healthy connection. This often happens because couples simply don’t have the time to focus on actively working on their relationship with all the distractions they have to deal with in their everyday lives. Because of this, many couples find that relationship coaching can be highly beneficial for enhancing intimacy and building lasting bonds between them.
With PIVOT, you can transform your relationship swiftly and effectively with the help of our seasoned PIVOT Advocates. In addition to our relationship coaching programs, we also offer customized couples retreats at The Glass House where you can work on your relationship with complete focus and bring about immediate change.
Why wait? Reach out to us today and make your relationship thrive!

Think You Might Be A People Pleaser? Here’s How To Stop

Posted on December 12, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Many of us find it hard to find a balance between being nice and putting our feelings aside to make the people around us feel good. While it may not seem like such a big deal, being a people pleaser can cause a series of issues in your interpersonal relationships and other areas of your life.
If you keep accommodating other people’s needs without fulfilling your own, you may start to harbor resentment, anger, and hurt towards the ones you love the most. In many cases, these unresolved inner conflicts result in emotional withdrawal and unhealthy relationships that may benefit from individual relationship counseling and other forms of treatment.
Read on to find out about the dangers of being a people pleaser and learn how to stop.

Are You A People Pleaser?

If you’re unsure if you’re simply a nice person or a people pleaser, you should take a look at how you tend to interact with other people. If you feel like you have to say yes to every favor that’s asked of you, you may be leading towards the latter option. Either way, the best way to determine whether you are in fact a people pleaser is to understand how this pattern came about.

Why Do Some People Become People Pleasers?

As with most unhealthy patterns, people-pleasing starts in childhood. Some children learn very early on that the only way to earn love and acceptance from their parents is to be good and ready to please.
If your caregivers convinced you, consciously or unconsciously, that you had to do things for them and fulfill their wishes in order to be considered valuable and “good”, it’s no wonder that you’re struggling with creating healthy boundaries and saying no in your adult life.

Signs of People-Pleasing

The first step towards breaking your people-pleasing habit is to recognize how it manifests. Here are some of the most common signs that you may be a people-pleaser:

You think you’re responsible for other people’s feelings and try hard to make them happy with your actions.
You say sorry all the time and blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, even if there’s no reason to believe that’s the case.
You avoid conflict at all costs and can’t stand when someone is angry or displeased with you or your actions.
You feel uncomfortable saying no and accept favors and arrangements even if you would rather not go through with them.
You crave validation from people to feel good and tend to base your self-worth on the opinions of others.

Is People Pleasing And Codependency The Same?

Many people are confused by the differences between codependency and people-pleasing. While these two dynamics can overlap, they are different in some key respects. The main distinction has to do with the relationship between codependency and childhood trauma, specifically the role a person assumed in their family as a child.
For instance, a codependent may have had to act as the responsible adult to an addicted family member and, in turn, developed an attraction to addiction-prone and abusive partners. By contrast, people-pleasers tend to come from a family that neglected them or taught them they had to earn their love and attention by being good and willing to help.

The Danger Of Being A People Pleaser

Being a people-pleaser can have severe consequences for your overall well-being. Here are the main dangers of pleasing others to an excessive degree:

Resentment and bitterness
Losing one’s identity
Being taken advantage of
Lack of respect from others
Extreme jealousy
Unstable relationships
Addiction to affection and love

How To Stop Being A People Pleaser (But Still Be Nice)

If you’ve realized that you have people-pleasing tendencies, you’re probably wondering what you can do about it. Here are some useful tips:

Practice internal validation by building up self-worth. Focus on your own qualities and participate in activities that make you feel good about yourself.
Take small steps and give yourself time. Instead of rushing and saying no to everything straight away, try starting with small no’s and go from that.
Set healthy boundaries. Start showing people how you feel about certain situations and choose to spend your time with individuals who make you feel at ease.
Practice self-care. Make sure to spend quality time with yourself every day doing what you enjoy the most, without pressure and feelings of guilt.

Learn How To Put Your Own Needs First With PIVOT

With over 10 years of success, the PIVOT process is a great way to start changing your life for the better. Whether you’re looking for effective individual coaching or want to attend a relationship therapy workshop, look no further. What’s more, we also offer five-day retreats at Glass House, a residential facility where you can transform your life through the PIVOT process.
Start working on your well-being today!

Why Addictive Relationships are the 51st Shade of Grey

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Fifty Shades of Grey made an impact on society, and although you may not have read the book nor plan on seeing the movie you may know the basic premise… it’s about a young college girl who falls for a billionaire who is into bondage and domination.
Dig a bit deeper and you’ll see that there’s more.
The title Fifty Shades of Grey relates to Christian Grey’s many aspects of his personality. He can go from gentleman one minute to S&M manic the next.
But the title is a play on words…
The phrase “shades of gray” refers to an unclear situation. Things are not black, or white. They are in a gray area.
Just like Ana and Christian’s relationship… it exists in a gray area. It’s not defined by our society’s rules. It is not a typical relationship.
It is a good example of the confusion that comes from being in a gray area in relation to sex, relationships, and obsession.
And like addictive relationships, it involves confusion, drama, and feelings of longing.

Addictive relationships

Addictive relationships happen fast and hard because it’s typically based on instant sexual attraction – just like 50 shades.
But the truth is… addictive relationships are not real. They are fantasies. You are in love with what you wish the person was… not what they are.
And just like 50 shades, addictive relationships involve obsession, control and the need to stay in it despite negative consequences.
The core of addictive relationships is to fill a void, to heal past trauma and get unmet needs fulfilled.

Why are some people drawn to begin addictive relationships?

As a child, if you have experienced a lack of nurturing and attention from your parents then you’re more likely to search for healing from an addictive relationship.
Whether it was accidental or intentional, the love you received from your parents shaped the type of adult relationships you would be attracted to.
For example, if the love your parents gave you was inadequate, negligent, abusive or broken through a divorce, addiction, death or illness, then this leads to unmet emotional needs.
So, an adult you search for the transforming fix for anxiety, despair, rage or fear of abandonment within your relationships to get validation that you are loveable and a worthy human.
The motivation is positive… to heal yourself.
But this will fail if you pick someone who is unable to give you the genuine love, caring and emotional support you need.
Unfortunately, you’re wired to be drawn to what’s familiar (someone like your parent), regardless of how good it is for you. This happens because it is what you know and because you are trying to fill the hole of the abandonment wound.
The first step to healing is to heal your wounds yourself. The feelings of self-worth come from within. Not from other people or relationships.

What to do if you’re in an addictive relationship?

If you’re in an addictive relationship it feels isolating and lonely. But, the good news is, you’re not alone. It is more common than people think.
Just because you come from a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you can’t create secure attachments and healthy relationships. If you are committed to change, then you’re not stuck with this forever.
Instead, be open to change and find the right help to talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help. We’re here to help.

Discover If You Are In An Addictive Relationship

Posted on March 31, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

Addictions, whether it’s drugs, alcohol or people, is a fix for negative feelings. But the fix doesn’t last. That’s why addictive relationships lead to abuse, drug use, depression, and other negative consequences.
Addictive relationships can be hard to define, and hard to tell if you are in one. Most people mistake the intense feelings they feel in this type of relationship as caring or concern.
For example, it can seem sweet or even flattering to have your partner be insanely jealous… it might show that they really care. However, a healthy relationship involves respect and trust, and not excessive jealousy and controlling behavior.
It is difficult to define these relationships; however, the basis of an addictive relationship involves having power and control over the other person.

Indications that your relationship is addictive

Addictive relationships always start magically. The attraction is instant, and it feels like you are finally understood.
Healthy relationships transition from the initial euphoria to getting to know and love the person as an individual, with all their quirks, gifts and their faults. However, addictive relationships are founded on rigid expectations of each other.
This triggers anxiety as you can’t live up to these rigid versions of each other, which then sets off the cycle of depression and euphoria… in search for the early magic. Tolerating anything for that initial “fix” again.

Lack of trust

There is a lack of trust in addictive relationships. Often anxiety is colored by jealousy and paranoid fears. This leads to constant demands for reassurance to prove that you still love each other… unlimited texts, phone calls and messages when you are not together.

Loss of control

The constant demands for reassurance lead to threats of ending the relationship. This leads to focused efforts to repair, apologize and a willingness to tolerate anything to reconnect again… at the cost of your emotional freedom.

Loss of other relationships

The obsession and dramatic cycles of addictive relationships risk your relationships with family and friends. Either family and friends feel neglected as you isolate yourself from the world and stop spending time together to “work on the relationship.” Or they are witness to the abuse and offer advice, guidance and support, but feel ignored when the cycle starts again. Either way, they can’t watch or feel personally used.

Loss of function

During the obsession cycle of the addictive relationship, if you don’t have “the fix” of the other person, then this leads to a loss of function. Like the symptoms you get when you break up… such as sweating, cramps, anxiety, nausea, sleeplessness and eating difficulties.

Loss of self

One of the most significant consequences of addictive relationships is losing yourself. Being in this type of relationship leads to having a diminished view of yourself, as compared to an idealized version of the other person. This results in higher levels of dependency.

What to do if you believe that your relationship is addictive

The first step starts with recognizing the addiction and being willing to change. This is best done with the help of a professional who specializes in addictive relationships.
Recovery starts with recovering and repairing yourself.
The good news… it doesn’t mean you will always be in an addictive relationship for life. If you are committed to change, then you’re not going to be stuck in a cycle of addictive relationships forever.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.

7 Facts Everyone Should Know About Addictive Relationships

Posted on March 10, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

People generally want to be close to others… emotionally and physically. After all, life is better shared with someone special. But for some people, the euphoric feeling of being in love can be intoxicating and addictive.
The words “I’m addicted to you” may sound sweet, loving and romantic at the moment. However, this could be a warning sign for something darker.
But first, consider what a normal or healthy relationship is.
Healthy relationships start with growing up in a functional family… your parents prepare you to emotionally and intellectually relate with others. To share, connect and have each other’s needs met.
Healthy relationships do not involve constant drama and continual feelings of longing. You do not have to wonder, wait, or live in turmoil over your last meeting.
However, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then you lose sight of what is a healthy relationship.
Unhealthy relationship patterns lead to unbalanced, unfulfilled and addictive relationships.
Just like an addiction to alcohol, drugs or other substances, being in an addictive relationship is unhealthy, toxic and powerful.

7 facts you should know about addictive relationships

Key 1: Magical (or Unrealistic) Expectations

Addictive relationships are not real. They function out of fantasy. In reality, you are in love with what you wish the person was… not what they are.
This starts even before you meet your partner. Before you have a relationship. You form expectations of what your relationship will be like. How you will feel once you have a relationship.
Having magical expectations leads to wanting to change the person you are to be selected by the person that you’d like to be with.
If you find yourself constantly thinking that the relationship would be perfect if the person could change a little bit, then it is a sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

Key 2: Visible Patterns and Characteristics

Addictive relationships are composed of three elements: obsession or preoccupation, the feeling of being out of control, and the need to stay in it despite negative consequences.
Addictive relationships follow patterns and cycles, which include:

Jealousy
Possessiveness
Manipulation
Mind Games
Drama
Guilt
Compulsion

Key 3: Instant Gratification

Addictive relationships happen fast and hard because it’s often based on instant sexual addiction.
Being in this type of relationship feels exciting, like an adrenaline surge. However, adrenaline is fear-based. This feeling is often confused with attraction, passion or instant love.
If it is love at first sight, animal attraction, or infatuation, then these are your warning bells.

Key 4: Obsessiveness and Desperation

An addiction to a person or relationship involves obsessive thoughts about the relationship: anticipation, waiting, confusion, and desperation.
It involves thinking about the relationships all the time and believing that without intense continuous effort the connection will be destroyed.

Key 5: Isolate Yourselves from the World

Being in an addictive relationship is intoxicating, to the point where you feel that no-one can share this marvelous experience you have. Because they won’t understand. So, you isolate yourselves from the world.
An addictive relationship is defined by an increasing craving to be alone with the person. Which also leads to withdrawal symptoms when you are away from them.
By staying isolated, you may find that you lose yourself and what you stand for.

Key 6: Cycle of Pain

Being in an addictive relationship becomes a vicious cycle. You become addicted to the brain chemistry related to the anticipation and traumatic bonding of the relationship.
Yet, because the relationship is so unfulfilling, you are left feeling empty, lonely and unfulfilled. This ends temporarily every time you are with your object of obsession (the person).

Key 7: Where it Starts

Issues in your adult relationships relate to your childhood. You’re drawn to what’s familiar, regardless of how good it is for you. It is what you know.
Addictive relationships, like different types of addiction, becomes a survival pattern. They happen because you are trying to fill the hole of an abandonment wound from childhood.
If you’ve experienced any of the following and have not taken the time to heal your wounds, then you are likely to be susceptible to addictive relationships:

Your parents got divorced
One or both of your parents were alcoholic
You were adopted
You lost a sibling or parent at a young age
You were abused
Your parents were emotionally unavailable
You were neglected
You were afraid of being abandoned
You didn’t get validation from your parents

What to do about addictive relationships

Now if you’ve dated one harmful person, this doesn’t mean you’re addicted to bad relationships. However, if you’re noticing a pattern, then there may be a problem.
Although being in an addictive relationship feels isolating and lonely, you’re not alone. It is more common than people think.
The good news… it doesn’t mean you will always be in an addictive relationship for life. You are not “broken.”
Just because you come from a dysfunctional family doesn’t mean you can’t create secure attachments and healthy relationships. If you are committed to change, then you’re not stuck with this forever.
Instead, be open to change and find someone who understands and can help you to talk about the relationship and the pain that’s inside of you.
Remember you are worthy of happiness and love, and a healthy relationship. You can have relational freedom.
If you are ready to create meaningful connections and overcome addictive relationships, then contact PIVOT. We’re here to help.

7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Posted on February 24, 2019 by Lori Jean Glass

You’ve probably heard that trust is the foundation for strong relationships. Without it, relationships won’t grow or progress and will eventually fail.
And you probably know that trusting your partner is the most important part of your relationship.
But what happens if you’re in a new relationship and you don’t have trust yet? Or if you’ve lost trust? Can you get it back? If you’re struggling to build trust in a relationship, would an intensive workshop help?

Can A Relationship Survive When Trust Is Broken?

Before you can start building trust, you must understand what trust means for your partner and yourself. It’s essential that you communicate your expectations and thoughts and understand what your partner needs.
Building trust starts with sharing your hopes for the relationship and what you expect each other to do (or not do) to keep your love alive. Communicate openly with your partner and try to determine the best approach for your relationship. Take small steps, be patient, or try attending a building trust in a relationship intensive workshop.
Read on to learn what you can do to bring back trust!

How Do You Build Trust In A Relationship?

Losing trust is far easier than building it back up. If there has been a betrayal, you may feel like you’ll never be able to trust your partner again. Still, it is possible to re-establish trust if both parties in a relationship are willing to put in the effort. If you and your partner wish to rebuild trust and make the relationship work, you should know that it will take quite a bit of time, patience, and compromise.

Steps To Rebuilding Trust In A Relationship

Trust is an essential building block in any mature relationship. If you are determined to build a deeper and healthier connection with your partner, you will have to learn how to be comfortable around your partner again if trust has been broken. Here are 7 steps you can take to rebuild trust in your relationship:

1) Be Vulnerable

Be open and vulnerable with your partner by sharing things you often keep hidden. If you’ve been hurt in previous relationships, then it’s likely you want to avoid talking about expectations because you don’t want to be hurt again. However, the only way to make the relationship work is to be real and open.

2) Communicate Openly

If you have something important to discuss, I recommend that this is always done in person. Although using text, email or even phone calls to communicate is useful, it can lead to misunderstandings as the real meaning of the message can be misinterpreted.

3) Keep Secrets

One big way to build trust is to keep your partner’s secrets if that is requested and healthy. Treasure them. Respect them. As a couple, the relationship deserves privacy.

4) Keep Promises

Make it a priority to keep your promises to your partner. Whether it’s a small thing or a big thing, keep your commitments. This shows respect, support, and reliability, which is the key to build trust.

5) Respect Each Other’s Differences

Before you can build trust, you must respect each other’s differences without judgment. Even if you don’t understand why something is important to your partner, simply respect the fact that it is important.

6) Be Forgiving

Trusting each other doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen. When they do, the important thing is to be forgiving. Holding onto grudges erodes trust in relationships. Instead, let go of the hurt, accept the apology and move on.

7) Be Supportive

It is critical to be supportive of each other. Being supportive allows you and your partner to be authentic knowing someone has your back. It means you can have confidence knowing you’re supported whenever you take a risk, learn new things or even make mistakes.

How Do You Trust After Betrayal?

If one of you has been betrayed in the relationship, then building trust back is very difficult, but it can be done. If you both want it. In fact, trust must be repaired for the relationship to survive.
Here are three steps that can help:

Apologize/accept an apology: when trust is broken in a relationship, the first thing to do is to acknowledge the feelings of hurt, apologize and take responsibility for what has happened. Show love, care and respect for each other. If your partner betrayed you, make an effort to accept the apology.
Promise not to hurt again: This promise must be real. A promise that must be kept. What’s more, the promise needs to be backed up with action.
Analyze feelings: If you were betrayed, then take time to analyze and understand your feelings. Don’t deny or dismiss hurt feelings. Instead, ask yourself, “How deeply am I hurt?” “How long do I want to keep this feeling of hurt?” “What do I want from this relationship?”

Trust must be earned. It takes time. Especially if there has been a betrayal. But it doesn’t have to be impossible. Approach your relationship and each other with respect and understanding. Be open. Be vulnerable. Be real. Do what you say you will do. Stay true to yourself, and your expectations and a trusting relationship will grow.

We Bring Intensive Private Couple Retreats For Reconnection

It is only when you have trust and love, that your relationship will thrive. Unfortunately, many couples struggle with overcoming intimacy issues and building a stable and trusting relationship. Everybody needs a little push from time to time, and reaching out to experienced relationship coaches may be just what you and your partner need to make the relationship work.
If you would like help to build deep trust in your relationship, then contact PIVOT. By attending a couple relationship management workshop, you will learn how to build deeper connections and rebuild trust. Our relationship intensive retreats and our relationship coaching designed for individuals and couples can give you the tools you need to facilitate lasting change. Give us a call!